Ellie: Mr Maximoffs, Both Of You, I Have Something Big To Tell You. Peter: Kid, You Know You Can Say

Ellie: Mr Maximoff’s, Both of you, I have something big to tell you. Peter: Kid, you know you can say anything to us. We’ve known you for years, and there is absolutely nothing that could dent our amazing relationship. Ellie: Great! Thanks! Well, the thing is, I’m dating Luna. Peter: ... Ellie: Mr Maximoff? Scott: Peter? Peter: YOU ARE SO DEAD

Scott: Er, excuse us for a moment, Ellie.

Pietro: SHE WILL NOT!! MYSLÍTE SI, ŽE BY STE MOHLI PRÍSŤ, A VYHLASUJETE, ŽE STE S NAŠIM MALÝM DIEVČATOM?! VEDIA TVOJI OTCOVIA?!(DO YOU THINK YOU COULD COME AND DECLARE THAT YOU ARE WITH OUR LITTLE GIRL?! DO YOUR FATHERS KNOW?!)

Scott: *drags him out of the room*

Ellie: *can hear arguing and. . . was that a punch? They both seem relatively calm when they come back*

Scott: Now that that’s sorted out-

Pietro: Welcome to the family, Ellie!

Three hours later

Ellie: -and then I heard them fighting! After they did that they came out and said welcome to the family! Did they do that for you?

Bobby: Yeah, but they figured John and I would be a package deal so Mr. Maximoff didn’t argue as much.  Ellie: Huh. Perks of dating the adopted kid, I guess. 

Scott: You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself marry the villain.

Ororo: Wait, what?!

Scott: Pietro and I got drunk after a fight so we’re Vegas married now.

Ororo: Well, how long until the divorce is finalized?

Scott: Divorce? Oro, we’ve already bought a house, adopted a turtle, and adopted a kid. We’re going all in!

Ororo: . . .

Ororo: What kid?

John: Hi!

Ororo: Hey, John. What are you doing here?

John: Visiting Dad! Ocko dropped me off.

Ororo: THE KID YOU ADOPTED IS PYRO!?

Darcy/Rachel: I love Monica Darcy/Rachel: Umm... I mean it's cool you ate Sushi for breakfast haha stupid autocorrect Peter: ...This is a verbal conversation. And I just asked if you had seen Nina anywhere. And when you go back, tell that to Woo so I can win the damn bet. X-Men: What's autocorrect?

I think Jimmy would meet Peter and they’d be friends, but Jimmy and Scott are closer while Lang and Peter are dumbasses together.  Jimmy: Your boyfriend an idiotic criminal too?

Scott: Yeah.

Scott Lang and Peter: *carrying in a cart of stolen food* Hey!

Counter argument. Don’t think about Peter aging slower because of his mutation. Don’t think of Peter being physically twenty when he’s lived for sixty hard years. Don’t think of Peter watching the people he loves slowly die, because mutants either burn out too fast or live lives that are too long. Don’t think about Peter holding Scott’s hand when he’s on his death bed, miraculously having reached the age of one hundred and twenty. Don’t think of Peter screaming when he lays Scott to rest besides two of their children, Luna sobbing beside him. Don’t think of Peter outliving Luna. That he had just passed his two hundred and seventy sixth birthday, when he got the call that his two hundred and forty three year old daughter had been hit with alien technology too fast for even her healing factor to combat. Don’t think of Peter going to the top scientist of every generation, any person that could possibly kill him, and getting no results.

Don’t think of Peter and Wade sitting in a bar together, both around five hundred, mourning their families. Don’t think of Wade pulling out a photo album, just to show Peter his happy family. At least his husband had a healing factor too, Peter Parker had lived until he was around three hundred. Matrix was still alive, but Ellie had died in her late seventies. Peter pulls out his own albums with tear filled eyes. John had been his first child to die, a young man who had been used as nothing but a taunt from alternate reality villains in the end. Nathan had been next, all the time travel caught up to him and he aged much too fast, dying of old age before he was fifty. Scott had held on longer than a human could, but all the years had taken their toll and he had died in his sleep. Don’t think about Peter aging too slow and healing too fast. Don’t think of Peter outliving all that he knows and loves.

Don’t think about Peter aging faster due to his mutation. Don’t think about how Hank most likely found out when Peter got hurt by Apocalypse. Don’t think about Peter’s face when he finds out he has less than a year left. Don’t think about Peter not telling his friends. Not because he didn’t want them to know. But because he didn’t want them to act differently. Don’t think about Peter running into Erik a month after he found out. Don’t think about Peter wishing he could tell Erik. Don’t think about how Peter would hug Erik and say he wish he had a father like him. Don’t think about Peter collapsing and his friends taking him to Hank. Don’t think about how his friends would hug him and cry when they find out. Don’t think about Peter not being able to move a month before he dies. Don’t think about his mother’s tears when they tell her he died. Don’t think about how his grave would say he died when he was around 30.

Don’t think about how Erik would go to Charles and scream that the world wasn’t fair. That the world kept taking his children. Don’t think about Ororo remembering when Peter had made jokes when fighting the literal end of the world. Don’t think about Raven going to his grave at night and wishing that her friends didn’t die so young. Don’t think about how Scott would mourn the person who tried to save his brother and almost sacrificed himself to fight Apocalypse. Don’t think about Jean wishing she saw his death and warned him. Don’t think about Jubilee making jokes and expecting him to finish them. Only to be reminded when silence would take over. Don’t think about Peter’s sister looking back at graduation photos and crying because it was the last time she saw him. Don’t think about how the school saw how his death hit everybody. Don’t think about how he was taught in classes about how mutations can have a side effect. Don’t think about Peter dying early. Not because of a battle, but because of his mutation.

Wait I’ve literally thought about silvercyclops adopting pyro too…your mind is huge

I like to think of Pietro seeing himself in Pyro, and Scott has a knack for collecting people with villainous tendencies, so they adopt him together before they even start dating. 

Luna: Deflate your ego John, you are not the best child. Pyro: Oh yeah? Dads, who’s your favorite child? Nate: Oh come one, parents don’t have a favorite- Peter and Scott: John

Nate: What?!

Pietro: He’s adopted.

Luna: So?

Scott: So we chose to have him as our child.

Pietro: You guys were obviously planned with surrogates, but we had to raise you. John was eight when we adopted him, so the hard part was over. 

Pyro: I knew it! Thanks, Dad, Ocko!