Joyfulballoonsweets - Sweetballon - Tumblr Blog

I tried to hang myself today while my mum was in the bathroom and I couldn't am such a pussy I wish I have the courage to do it

https://gofund.me/90ce02f2 help me raise funds to get out of my abusive household and find piece

Yk ever since he hit me I would get this feeling like... Every man would eventually do the same

Some terrible things happened to me

Some terrible things happened to me

Some terrible things happened to me

When someone talk about religion but I stay silent bc all I remember feeling is that if god was real he is cruel and pure evil

the philosophy teacher react when he knew that the geography teacher physically abused me he immediately blamed me and told me that I deserve it and the geography teacher could broke my nose I felt so sick I burst out crying when my mum told him about it and then he told me these exact words I still remember his words it hurt make me guilt and think what if I really deserve it (happened 2 years ago)

traumatize me so bad that i can’t even sleep<\3

I am not a bad person,I just never healed from my trauma

I went to my grandma dad side house and it was my aunt there we was talking about suicide topic and my aunt said ppl who commit suicide don't have morals or religion and my mum sad that these people are crazy without knowing what ppl go through to actually commit my mum knows that I want to commit and she said that they are horrible humans they are Christians no hate like Christians love being so judgemental and don't know what ppl go through at have mental health issues and problems is so sad to say I won't judge anymore have mental illness / issues ik how they feel cause I been through all of it instead I would help them though there tough time and love and care for them

Trauma dumping

1_My mum slapped me I was at the first grade when she found out that the teacher gave me 5 pounds to buy a notebook from school library  I drop it by mistake and I forgot to give it back

2_my dad slapped me when I was 4 years old when I tried to prevent him from taking some of my shells and give  it to my cousin

3_ my mum yelled at me Infront of the whole school bus after the car was gonna hit me

4_ my dad verbally abused me when I told him am not hungry Infront the whole row in the hotel I after eated while I was crying

5_my parents used to force me to got on church even I begged my mum not to while crying and she made me go anyways

6_my dad punched me while we in the car when I told him I don't want to go to church

7_the geography teacher physically abused me when I was in a private lesson in my house my parents didn't defend me instead they took his side

8_my dad verbally abused me after I burst out crying he argued that I drunk  alot of cola and he started yelling at me being verbally abusive and told me that am possessed I should get help and noone would ever love me if I being that attitude

9_my mum yelled at me in the middle of the street and telling me am not gonna get out of the house after I told her that someone sa me

I have dreamed about the teacher for the 2nd time who physically abused me it goes like this my mum told me about that teacher that he is so kind so I blow up and I start scratching and scream at her after all he done to me I kept repeating it and the teacher was Infront the room sitting and he got up and come close to me I flinched cause I was scared he gonna hit me and he hugged me instead am so confused what that mean I felt disgusted and uncomfortable in the dream and when I wake up it triggered me I asked myself why I didn't end it that day I wish I ended before I finished up high school

Did your parents stand up to the teacher who abused you ? Well mind didn't

My parents I thought I could count on them they failed me I am still so confused and sad unable to understand why they didn't my mum yelled at me and my dad as well instead of defending me my dad told it's normal and he used to get hit when he was a child like what?? It was a private lesson in my house That's not normal my mum was beside me and she told the teacher that I didn't study all the lesson I don't remember I softly poked her soft poked her was playful tho sometimes I do weird /unexplained things the teacher told me stop so I do it again playfully and he hit me after It Been almost 2 years and I still remember it all like it happened yesterday my parents betrayed me a left me behind I get flashbacks nightmares at night

I feel like they prefer strangers than me