Ventcore - Tumblr Posts
I hate how part of me wishes my trauma would've been worse cause I don't feel like what I've been through is bad enough or traumatized me enough to be valid :/
How much am I worth?
If I sold myself would anyone even find it worth a dollar? A penny?
Would the hatred of my body and disgust be worth it in the end?
why is destroying my body so fun?
Tw: rants of not being desired. Block don't report
WHY AM I SO FUCKING DISGUSTING? LIKE MY PERSONALITY N EVERYTHING ABOUT ME IS NOT DESIRABLE LIKE WHY COULDN'T MY PARENTS PRODUCE SOMETHING CUTE? LIKE ALL I WANT IS SOME OLDER MAN TO FIND ME PRETTY AND WANTS TO SPOIL ME WITH LOVE N MONEY OR AT LEAST STARE N FLIRT WITH ME LIKE EVERY OTHER FUCKING GIRL IN MY STUPID ASS LIFE, I WANT TO BE PRETTY, I CANTT?? STUPID AS FUCK N STUPID ASS LIFE. LIKE I CAN GET ATTENTION FROM GUYS ONLINE BUT IT ISN'T IRL, PPL ONLINE DONT EVEN SEE MY FACE. IT ISNT AS PERSONAL AS IRL.
I don't know who wrote this. That's the whole point of the unsent project but I resonate with it so much. The person that changed my views on life, on love, on myself, her name starts with a G. The thing is I could lay here in my bed and keep typing and typing about her but I am not gonna do that.
There is a saying, where attention goes, energy flows. This person doesn't deserve my energy anymore. I genuinely wish her the best now but I will not allow myself to be consumed by someone who isn't mine anymore. I would like to think that some part of her is still mine, that maybe in the future we'll make it right and love again but truth is that is just my delusions talking.
To whoever is reading this right now, if you are hung up on someone, please know that at the end of the day all they are is a person, an individual, a human. We have 8 billons of those on this earth. I know that when we love someone, they become everything. They are everything to us but please remember that without your attention, that person isn't actually special. The only thing making them special is your fixation on them. If you wanna heal. Let that fixation go. Let those day dreams go. It sucks. But it works and it's worth it.
I don't believe that God has a physical form.
As a Muslim, we know that God doesn't have a physical form that we can see or touch yet. But while I lay here with a dull ache in my heart, I tried imagining being held in someone's arms. Something to soothe that ache. But then I got this image in my head. A warm blanket of light, of noor, being wrapped around me. I felt a warm feeling spread inside of my body.
That's the same feeling that I used to have whenever I prayed Tahajjud.
God will find a way back into your life and no matter what, you will always end up appreciating it.
How can you say that you've moved on ?
I no longer include her in my future planning. She has no place in my life anymore. No role to fill, no house to share, no kids to raise. Nothing.
IM FALLING TO PIECESSSSS 😾
😞
the black and white thinking does not stop at not seeing the greys of the world.
it s either pure euphoria or excruciating sadness and intolerable pain
it s either being repulsed by any social contact and physical affection or craving them with intense desperation
it s either numbing yourself with any destructive mechanism available or being a wreckage of emotions out of control
it s either knowing yourself slightly and thinking you re a decent person or feeling like you re the worst human in this entire world
it s either being consumed by any sensation or event and feeling on the edge of a spiritual awakening or drowning yourself in nihilism and seeing no point at all
it s the starvation or binging, the paralysing fear of driving or doing it so recklessly, it s either the absolute fear of sexual intimacy or engaging in hyper-sexuality so impulsively
it s a ton. it s barely tolerable and manageable, even to take it day by day
<3 Emo Spongebob glitter edit / Do not repost without credit! <3
<3 Body Dysmorphia Patrick glitter edit / Do not repost without credit! <3
