I've Read This Like 25 Times And Every Time I Get Butterflies All Over Again

I've read this like 25 times and every time I get butterflies all over again<3

[02:18 am]: seo changbin

“binnie, are you still awake?”

“hmm.”

there’s a silence, changbin seemingly going back to sleep while you try to decide on the best way to get him to agree to your late night escapade plan you’ve been brooding over for the last hour.

it’s not your fault you can’t sleep, and some convenience store ramen or some cheap burger do sound incredibly tempting right now. if only your hunk of a boyfriend wasn’t such a sleepy head, that is.

well, it is 2 am, to be fair. a perfectly reasonable time to be sleepy. also a perfectly reasonable time to get stuffed with junk food on an empty playground, talking about dating worms or the possibility of different universes.

or whatever it is those aesthetic #couplegoals couples do.

you shuffle closer to him, wrapping yourself around him, effectively making him the little spoon. he hums appreciatively, though sleepy, and you can feel his hand come up to rest over yours, lacing your fingers together. you decide to butter him up a little, resorting to littering some kisses on his back, slowly working your way up to his neck.

changbin knows you. he knows your strategy, he’s familiar with your tactics to get him to give in. with a sleepy grumble he frees himself from your grip, turning around to be face to face with you. if he didn’t know that you were about to ask for something he knows he definitely doesn’t feel like doing, he’d coo at you for looking at him so sweetly.

“spit it out,” he grumbles, voice scratchy from sleep, eyes hazy and unfocused. you pout a little from the accusatory tone he has, as justified as it might be, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth, “what’s that supposed to mean, bin?”

he observes you for a bit, hand eventually coming up to cup your cheek, his eyes carrying a soft look in them now. “baby, we both know you want something. so please, just tell me,” he murmurs, shuffling so your faces are closer, noses practically touching.

placing a few gentle kisses to his lips, your last ditch effort to soften him up enough to agree, “can we go get some snacks? maybe some fries? or ice cream, you were craving ice cream yesterday baby.”

changbin stares at you, his eyes darting all over your face in a desperate attempt to find even the tiniest hint of humour or mischief on your face. “now? now at,” he lifts his head, eyes squinting to read the time on the alarm clock on the bed side table, “at 2 in the morning? baby, really?”

you just nod sheepishly, wrapping your arms around him again and placing a lingering kiss to his jaw. “i think it would be fun.” changbin sighs, closing his eyes in a futile attempt of drowning you out, because every one of your kisses is slowly chipping away at his resolve.

does he want to go out at two in the morning? no, he doesn’t. there is no reason for him to be outside that late, especially not when he could be in bed with you, all cuddled up, warm and cozy instead.

and his love for that warm and cozy feeling is the exact reason he lowly grumbles while getting out of bed, feet dragging against the floor while he searches for a hoodie for you to put on — because it’s the same feeling he gets when you look at him with that lovestruck smile on your face, the same one he knows you’ll give him once you’re happily munching on your ramen later.

“we’re getting ramen.”

part of the bucketlist boyfriends series

*i can’t link it since it won’t show up in tags if i do </3

every day i get more and more shocked with the amount of disrespect the trans community gets. fucking gross.

its actually deeply upsetting that not a single active ftm tag is inclusive of anyone who wants bottom surgery. i want surgery. i need it. but post op bodies are never ever treated as desirable. i have never seen any even remotely sexual content allowing ftm characters to not be DEFINED by having a cunt. you realize how awful it feels to read that? not only does so much attention being put on body parts that make me want to die make a lot of guys dysphoric (making it impossible to read fics about people like us), it also feels very isolating. am i not allowed to want surgery? i cant have sex until i get bottom surgery. i can hardly even masturbate. it makes me cry. i have seen exactly two artworks featuring guys with bottom sugery. i cant go into ftm tags without seeing boypussy everywhere. it feels like theres no one else like me. those tags are just porn. they treat trans men like we're just sexual fantasies. as if we're not real. as if we're objects for cis people to rail and nothing else. it also seems that they think old trans men don't exist. almost all of the fetish porn i see is about femboys who are barely even legal age. its disgusting on so many levels. i don't want to be an anime femboy, but thats all you see us as. you treat us like fucktoys. we're people. treat us as such. do your fucking research and stop demonizing life saving surgery. youre just a terf. even worse its mostly young trans men saying surgery is disgusting. stop it. if you keep telling young guys that surgery is dangerous and all that, people will not get surgery they need to live. if you convince people not to get that tumour removed they will die. if you convince people not to get bottom surgery when they really need it, they will die. if you do this shit and youre trans, you are still transphobic. you need to deconstruct patriarchy. you are telling people not to get surgery that could save their life. do better.

yes I'm acespec and yes I get so damn happy when a guy asks for my number/says I'm cute bc it means I'm not the ugliest piece of shit this world has ever housed <3

THE WAY I CACKLED

If he wanted to, he would.

It is so true. To make whatever tf this is more credible, I'll use my own life experiences as an example.

I met my bestest friend in the world on the first day of 8th grade last year. And within one year, she became my best friend ever and I became hers. We hung out every day, and in a few weeks, we managed to take the most complicated paths around school to see each other in between the classes that we didn't have together. All that mattered was that we saw each other. And during classes, we'd email each other the whole class.

We both got in trouble multiple times whenever we used cuss words in our emails, since we used our school-issued laptops to talk to each other and the school could see what we wrote.

Now, we're in different schools. When I tell you I cried my eyes out bc I go to school and I don't see her every day, I mean it. We still email each other every day, but here's when the whole "If he wanted to, he would" thing comes up.

I've written her enough letters to build a whole ass notebook, and she confessed she does too. We basically write stuff we'd say to each other in these letters, and we agreed to give these letters to each other next time we meet.

In the past year, I expanded my music taste for her. I got into Mitski, Demi Lovato, Ayesha Erotica, Hannah Montana, and many other artists for her because every day in p.e. she'd sneak her laptop and would listen to these artists, singing along to the songs, and I wanted to sing along with her. Now, I know the lyrics to every single song she loves, and I sing along with her every time.

She also listened to what I like. She listened to a few Blackpink songs, one BTS song, FANCY by twice. She hates kpop, but she listened to these songs for me.

After school, she WALKS to the nearest library just to use the computer and enter on her Instagram account so we can talk.

During Thanksgiving break, she sneaked her grandma's phone so she could text me.

Whenever I see anything Stitch related, I buy it and I save it for when we meet so I can gift them to her.

I listen to her rants and I suffer her anger with her.

She listens to my dramatic complains and cusses people out with me.

And we're just best friends.

I found in her what I thought I would've found in a man, because the world makes us think our soulmate is a romantic partner.

But not necessarily.

What I want to say with all this is:

If he wanted to, he would.

If he LOVED you, he would've.

Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve, because when someone loves you, you'll know it.

No matter who they are, they'll show you their love.

When you love someone, you'll go to Saturn and around the moon and right into the sun for them without an astronaut suit. And they'll do it for you as well.

"if you're like this, no man will ever want to date you."

say it louder so God can hear you pls