Is It Just My Observation Or Not Everyone Is Destined For A Fulfilling Romantic Life?

Is it just my observation or not everyone is destined for a fulfilling romantic life?

As much as we are conditioned by media, literature, songs, our own anima/animus to desire being in romantic relationships, unfortunately I have observed that not everyone is meant for one. It is truly luck that some people meet willing partners who are interested in romantic relationship, working things out, making it work, loving and supporting each other. While some people meet partners who are emotionally unavailable, manipulative, liars, unwilling to work relationship, taking partner for granted.

Mercury is indeed an indicator of a friend like, youthful energy, optimism for life, conversationalist partner. This is the partner who wants to be adventurous, go travel the world, watch latest movies, go outdoors eating.

Venus is indeed an indicator of significantly beautiful, sensual, pleasant to have in life, charming partner. This is the partner who likes to purchase new clothing, food, wine, dine, meeting pleasures of senses. Music, food, comfort, beauty, sex.

Saturn is indeed an indicator of serious, hard working, not fun attitude towards life and kinda pessimistic. This is the partner who has seen fated ups and downs in life, believes in long term planning, avoids short term gratification and does not have fun with his money. Life is a responsibility for him.

Ketu is indeed an indicator of a detached, disconnected, peculiar, unique, wandering, lost in thoughts, spiritual, not interested in material life partner. This is the partner who will fulfill superficial social expectations of relationship but remain emotionally distanced, disengaged, less talkative, not romantic.

Rahu is indeed an indicator of a social climber, high status, clout chasing, power chasing, fame chasing partner. This partner creates a persona or image or illusion of a perfect relationship for the world to see. It does not matter to him if the actual relationship is hollow so long as the social image is that of a picture perfect marriage.

Sun is indeed an indicator of authoritarian, fatherly, dominating, controlling, egoistic, daddy type partner. This is the partner who likes to take decisions in relationship, be the sun of the relationship, adds life to relationship and is actively involved in the relationship.

Mars is indeed an indicator of a hyper, short tempered, energetic, controlling partner. This is the partner who hates monotonous, chill life. This partner wants sports, physical activity, passion, aggression, heat in the relationship.

Jupiter is indeed an indicator of a wisdom seeking, teacher like, studious, not romantic, dharmic marriage, dutiful partner who considers relationship to be a duty that he has to perform dutifully.

Moon is indeed an indicator of an emotionally attuned, emotionally invested, sensitive, feelings driven partner. Doesn't mean that this partner is super romantic but has the potential because of feelings driven personality. This is the partner who will poetry, do acts of service, is emotionally available to partner.

See how different planets, their signs, their placements, conjunctions, aspects will bring different partner in your life? If you expect to find a romantic, sexy, passionate partner but your relationship houses are occupied/aspected by Saturn or Ketu or Jupiter or their signs that is Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, then you are bound for disappointment. You have to mold your expectations to meet your destiny. If your 7th house is occupied by Ketu or aspected by Ketu, you have to expect and accept that your emotional and romantic needs will be unfulfilled - conversely you have to channel this desire into spirituality and self work. Ketu rules scorpio sign and 8th house. But Ketu is not a planet, though it can change the chemistry of your relationship.

So this is how, not everyone is meant for picture perfect romantic relationship. What we see in movies or songs is simply a work of art. I used to get very frustrated thinking why my life was not like the movies, until I realized that my birth chart, my expectations and my reality are very different from what I consume in media or literature or stories.

I hope it makes to someone. I hope I am not the only person who set her romantic expectations based on what I saw in media.

What is Fate?

When we hear of 8th house in astrology, we often hear of "fate", but the question comes what is fate? What exactly is fate? Here trying to think about it:

Fate is something that the native did not intend to happen but it happens anyway = this is why it is called inevitable. Intention leads to thought which leads to action (even if you are not self aware, this is how we work).

Native was preoccupied with some other goal but something else happens that changes the track of life. This is why it feels predetermined.

Any event that drastically changes the life path or/and character of the native. Like a toxic relationship that changes you forever

Free will feels like = I intended it to happen so it happened. But fate feels like = I did not intend this but we are dealing anyway.

Like I was intending X to happen but instead Y happened.

Extremes of good luck (fortune) and/or bad luck (doom) is definitely fate. For eg, suddenly losing loved one/a job. Suddenly gaining a lot of inheritance/a lot of money in lottery/marrying to a rich spouse.

Fate is things which are beyond human control = A deadly cancer tha does not cure. Marrying into royal family. Being born in a rich parents house.

As for the question whether destiny applies to everyone or some people have free will, I don't know really. Some people do seem to have their life under control so their perception is that they have free will. Some people do seem to have bouts of twists and turns so their perception is that life is fated. Not everyone faces extreme events or feelings (8th house placements) so they cannot empathize with others. While some like 8th housers or mature scorpio people feel their feelings too intensely so they can empathize with the dark themes in life. In these subjective perceptions, the objective truth gets lost. Or like Nietzsche said "there are no facts, only interpretations".

As for question if life is predetermined or random or future is not certain yet or future is already happening, again questions are too many. We can hypothesize, believe, hope, experience, debate but the answer is as uncertain as "what happens after death?" "why I was born?" "what makes me, me?" Some intuitive and psychic abilities people tell that we are born to pay off our karmic debts and settle past life accounts. Some say that we keep taking birth in similar family like your brother was your father in past life, your mother was wife etc. Some say that life is complicated than that, the stranger is the bus was your mother in past life, the past life husband is someone you do not even know in this life etc. Some say that we choose our own parents, hardships, life plan, life events before birth. Some try to explain with science that everything that happens in nature is in chain reaction caused by previous triggers. Some explain with psychology that feelings, thoughts, beliefs cause our actions. Some explain with philosophy that determinism is the causal link between action and the outcome of events.

As for question, should 8th housers be depressed and sad because of fated events? No. You could choose to stay depressed and victimized but it is not very good for mental health. It is the law of nature to construct after destruction. It sounds rude to say this to someone who is clearly going through a tough time but look deep within yourself and you will see that little feeling of "influence". This is I think why 8th house is also concerned with psychology. When you study psychology and self introspection yourself, you realize that even in the face of the most painful misfortune, there is some influence that we have. Yes my dear, you read it right. It sounds pretentious to say this because depression is really tough to handle. When you are going through a tough time, things don't make sense, mind stops working, no ideas make sense. If you stick it out and come alive on the other side, you would feel something within you. That inner strength. That inner power. That peace. That ability to handle the next misfortune. That numbness of emotions. Ability to rationalize intense feelings. This little thing is perhaps what we call the essence of life.

Some thoughts on the 7th house placements:

i am reminded of something Barbara Bush (scorpio rising, sun and mercury in 7th house, venus and mars in 8th house, moon and jupiter in second house) once said. Barbara Bush said of the war in Iraq, 'Why should we hear about body bags and deaths? It's not relevant. So why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?'

Barbara with seventh house sun was a true housewife. She is known for her marriage to Mr president. She was called the first lady and first mother. She had a long and successful marriage, albeit her husband's secret affair that made her very depressed. I recall reading an interview once where she said "i was so depressed that once while driving i thought i would lose control... i still wonder why didn't George leave me?" We hear that her husband never confirmed the affair and after many years of turmoil, they got back to their married life. This is what we see in media, news and gossip articles. But we being astro students can tell a lot more about behind the scenes and between the lines from reading their birth chart. I myself have scorpio rising and sun, mercury in 7th house so I was quite fascinated by Barbara Bush's story and life path.

7th house is the house of other people. It is not just the house of relationship but also the house of your shadow self. Everything you see in others but do not recognize in yourself. Others are a mirror to you because they show you things that you cannot see in yourself. If you are aware of the human psyche, you would know that how we perceive others is subjective. We project our own traits on others. This is how anima and animus projection works in men and women respectively when they think that their partner is all that exists in themselves. If your animus is undeveloped, you would be attracted to men who you think have the same personality as your animus regardless of the reality. Your undeveloped animus will also show itself as self esteem issues, not being able to accept those parts of yourself and not having a relationship with your own animus. This can be remedied with shadow work, active imagination, journaling, dream interpretation, psychoanalysis, constant self introspection. Carl Jung is an authority on these subject matter.

While 1st house placements show a definite impact of the planet in the personality of the person, 7th house placements show the same personality traits hidden in the shadow of the native. For eg, sun in 1st house is bold, confident, ego centric, self promoting, me first, self proclaimed king type who finds it hard to dim his own sunlight to see and introspect themselves because they are strongly identified with their ego and wonder why do other people not see them as the king they are? On the other hand, sun in 7th house gives all these personality traits in the shadow self. Ego, confidence, self assertiveness, boldness, me-first attitude, life of the party attitude is hidden in the shadow self. It is hidden from the physical eyes.

If you understand what i said above, i will come to the next point. Sometimes back in an astro observation, i said that "7th house sun are their own worst enemy because they sabotage themselves so much". Sun is vitality, it is the energy that gives us light and life, it is the yellow light of liveliness. In astro, it is father, ego, confidence, arrogance, boldness. It is the power that makes a rockstar who say "yes i am the best.." or a politician say "yes i am the best leader for this country.." It takes that ego to say that "I am the GOAT, i am the best.." That is Sun. You must have met many such people in your life who will proudly beat their own drums "I know i am the best. i know i am smart and confident and successful.." While Sun in 7th house is the exact opposite of it. Since their confidence and ego are repressed in their shadow self, what remains in front is the insecurities. Ego and insecurities go hand in hand. Someone with 1st house sun will have a big ego and insecurities in shadow. While someone with 7th house sun will have insecurities in front and ego in the shadow. I hope it is making sense. Since sun in 7th house gives a repressed ego, these natives are completely aware of their insecurities. They internalize the insecurities of other people as their own. They flinch when they see their insecurities in other people. They internalize the projection of insecurities in themselves. Since 7th house sun gives a shadowy ego, they dont know who they are unless they are surrounded by other people who work like their mirror. 7th house sun finds himself through other people, especially their identity, ego and confidence. They are also very attracted to confident, bold, dominating, arrogant people because they fulfill their own scarcity of ego. This is why they can be massive people pleasers because they are a sucker for confident people and lacking their own confidence, they are eager to please others to fulfill their need for self identity.

But this is not the case if they have 1st house placements as well. Barack Obama has 7th house sun but also has 1st house placements so he does not have an egomaniac personality but also has the triats of 1st house plcements. He appears quite "humble". Steve Jobs had 7th house sun with empty 1st house and he had a hidden ego. He must have been very damn aware of each of his insecurities. I see this in Jobs movie that he was very self critical (7th house sun) and visionary (8th house moon). Jobs also went to psychic healers to cure his cancer which is such an 8th house moon thing to do. BUT you guys should not follow in his footsteps. Serious disease like cancer needs mental intervention. Jobs did regret not going for surgery earlier because his cancer was curable but by the time he realized it, it was very late. He distributed "autobiography of a yogi" to his people before death so that sounds like something to think about.

I am reminded of an Indian astrologer P V Narasimha Rao (sun in 7th house, virgo rising, mercury, venus, mars, saturn in 8th house) who writes on his website the following. You can clearly see he has a fascination with sun since his own sun is in the 7th house which must give him a weakened ego.

Next i would like to talk about mercury in the 7th house. Contrary to popular belief that 7th house mercury are good speakers, charmer, socially intelligent, it is rather quite the opposite. Whatever goes into 7th house loses its properties into the shadow. Remember this rule. If mercury goes into 7th house, the personality traits of mercury go into the shadow. He is an awkward speaker and is painfully aware of how he eats a lot of his words in the shadow. He also internalizes the words of other people and risks becoming gullible and manipulable. Since his own street smartness and communication akills are hidden in the shadow self, he is attracted to people who are good with words with a sharp tongue to activate his own dormant traits. 7th house mercury is rather talkative and talks a lot with other people because it makes him aware of his own hidden intelligence, how else would he know who he is? Carl Jung had mercury in the 7th house and he is known to be a psychiatrist who was involved with many people.

More interestingly, Adolf Hitler had Sun Mercury Mars and Venus in 7th house in Aries sign. This is homework for you to think about his personality, motivations and what he did in his life.

Side note: I retrieve birth details of famous people from astro.com and use vedic astrology to create their vedic birth chart.

Hi there.

In that one post you talked about 8th houser girls and that they should beware of older men and so.

Can you define older?

Like whats the line?

Thanks and have a great day😇

Hi. Honestly, there is no one parameter

My mom is 8th houser who married 9 year her senior. My dad is 8th houser who married 9 year his junior. I cannot comment on their married life because I have no business in that.

I am 8th houser and was involved with a 10 year senior who was my biggest mistake. I also have Saturn in 5th, so that might have something to do with it.

What I meant to say was that young 8th houser people have an intense emotional life. Since it is a water house, there is a sort of introverted, feeler type, tolerant energy in them. They tolerate a lot rather than asserting boundaries. Since their life path is also full of ups and downs, they are confused juggling between their emotions and life problems. "Whether I deal with my negative emotions or deal with this sudden career problem or do both?"

In situations like these, we naturally seek support system, someone to hold our hand. Young girls in general and 8th houser in particular have little life experience, almost always daddy issues, low standards in people especially men because they did not have ideal Male role models, do not know their self worth because they were always doing emotional work for others and are gullible because their irrational mind clouds their rational mind.

For eg, "why will this dude say he loves me when we met 1 week back?" A rational girl will say: bullshit, he is manipulating me, no time for players heh. Whereas an irrational 8th houser girl will say: oh my prince charming, my hero, yes I trust you, so this is love uhuhuhu.... love me like you do lalala.

Of course, if the other planets support therapy, other life experiences and maturity, she will not fall into such situations. Boys your age dont have as much experience in manipulation but the older men know just the right thing to say. This is just a warning not a rule. I have read that as a rule you should not date someone older than 5 years when you are young. As you get older, you can raise the age bar only if you trust what you are doing. Even then, life happens. 8th house is unpredictable events. Life is unpredictable anyway :)

Hey, you talked about 7th house and the shadow self in one of your posts, so I have mars and pluto in 7th house conjuction what foes that mean about my shadow self?

Hi,

I wrote about "shadow self" for sun in 7th because I have this placement. Shadow is something we discover on our own. To know it, we have to be self aware, watch our reactions, triggers, emotional ups and downs. We have to see what irritates us, annoys us, provokes us in other people. We have to see how flawed and imperfect we are and accept that. It is not just negative qualities but the positives too. Shadow is something which is not tangible or something that can be shown. It is like trying to tell someone who hasn't tasted chocolate before what it tastes like. But once you see your own shadow, you cannot go back from there. It brings peace of mind.

We have a lot of inner personalities and characters that we go through every day. I dont know much about it, when I read something I will share here.

Venus in 8th house & relationship trauma

How many lovers have you had and how many did not give you trauma? When did you start dating, btw?

When it comes to venus in 8th, what comes to my mind is a sex magnet, obsessive and devotional. Stop losing yourself in your lover's hands. There is a desire to merge with and consume their lover. The best way I can think of to describe is like cellular fusion in biology:

Reference: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karyogamy

There is a lot of intense energy looking for an outlet. If not romance, she will direct this energy in spirituality. But before she will know her spiritual gifts, she will go through relationship trauma.

It can be seen that the most traumatizing lovers were similar to each other. I met the first one at age 13 and next one at 21. Both were similar in appearance & life identity. The first one ruined my teenage years. The last one gave me mental breakdown. Both these "lovers" were the most traumatizing points in my life. I was OBSESSED with both of them. Both were "secretive" and I met them in dark ways suddenly without warning. Both were predatory and manipulative. I idolized them both and put them on a pedestal. I did a lot of ego massage & codependent wife like treatment.

In my mom's bloodline, there is history of mental issues and emotional chaos. When I was 13, I hardly knew anything about life. But when I was 21, my life had evolved and I had a career, family life, hobbies. But I was infantile in the sense that I was impulsive and irrational. I could not stand being single and was OBSESSED with romantic relationships. This trauma was an opportunity to heal my generational trauma & psychological inheritance.

After my mental breakdown, I came across this content:

Some quotes from this book:

Romantic love always consists in the projection of the soul-image. When a woman falls in love it is animus that she sees projected onto the mortal man before her.

No aspect of the human psyche can live in a healthy state unless it is balanced by its complementary opposite. If the masculine mind tries to live without its “other half,” the feminine soul, then the masculine becomes unbalanced, sick, and finally monstrous. Power without love becomes brutality. Feeling without masculine strength becomes woolly sentimentality. When one side of human nature grows out of balance with the other, it becomes a tyranny in the soul.

One of the great paradoxes in romantic love is that it never produces human relationship as long as it stays romantic. It produces drama, daring adventures, wondrous, intense love scenes, jealousies, and betrayals; but people never seem to settle into relationship with each other as flesh-and-blood human beings until they are out of the romantic love stage, until they love each other instead of being “in love".

Jung once quoted a medieval alchemist who said, “Only what is separated may be properly joined.” When two things are muddled together they need to be separated, distinguished, and untangled so that they may later be rejoined in a workable synthesis. This is the correct meaning of “analysis” in psychology; to analyze is to separate out the entangled threads of one’s inner life—the confused values, ideals, loyalties, and feelings—so that they may be synthesized in a new way. We analyze romantic love, not to destroy it, but to understand what it is and where it belongs in our lives. Analysis must always serve synthesis in order to serve life; what is taken apart must be put back together again.

I unlearned all the default things I learned growing up. It was a complete rebirth in the sense of 8th house transformation. The source of my romance obsession was a deep need for self actualization and spirituality. It was a need for looking within and understanding "myself". I talk about "high value woman" but I automatically became a high value woman once I started self actualizing. I was more confident, more assertive, more stable, in control of my emotions, took time to read books, rationalized my feelings rather than be impulsive, analyzed my values, beliefs, character, flaws, failures, weaknesses. I know my insecurities and know how to handle them. It was a journey from a fucked up person to somewhat rational person. I still have my days of chaos but it gets managed.

This is what I suppose 8th house venus looks like. Self destruction and self development. However, is this the last time we go through this.......