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I CAN’T BELIEVE IT.

All this time, I just thought I’d completely made up a false, very subjective “theory” that Sophie’s behavior and appearance shifted to become colder and calcified in TLEA because Rafal had acted out some kind of lie of omission and breathed his soul into her (and I wanted to come up with yet another plausible reason for Sophie to distrust him in TOTSMOV41.) And then, I come across this page, at random, only to see this description of “a strange warmth,” which could just be physiological warmth, some product of strong emotion on Sophie’s part. But it also could be interpreted as the same warmth James Hook felt with Rafal’s soul inside him! (In truth, I doubt that, at the time of publication, this moment was meant to signal this particular interpretation based in the prequels, but I’ll take it because it happens to be convenient for me.)

Also, if I stopped to acknowledge Fall, another question arises: did the quality of Rhian’s soul transform along with his appearance, to more closely resemble Rafal’s soul? Why and how could it be warm and reassuring? Rhian’s soul, while Evil, was unstable in Fall. So, maybe more than his appearance metaphysically shifted over time to match Rafal, making him more than an near-exact replica of his brother visually, down to a soul level, seemingly.

The only inconsistency here that doesn't fit is he kisses her hand. Thus, I doubt any breath actually gets into her lungs.

Wow. That's deep. And I fear various types of physical pain in real life. But to me, it's more like a feeling of excitement (in the Physics sense of the word, not just the emotional state, because, I think I tense or internally thrum with excitement while I write sometimes, possibly as a overreaction, like of the nervous system). It's like: Look at me! I'm being a sadistic writer like real authors are! So, I guess I don't necessarily see everything from the victim's side unless I'm writing their pov.

At least it's fictional. I laughed while writing my whump fic, especially at the tablecloth trap part.

⸻

Unrelated to fics though, I've recently come up with the idea of thinking of certain types of faster writing, like the overly verbose writing sprints/drafting I often do, in terms of a particular Edgar Allan Poe passage—I just kind of laughed in glee at it during my first read of "The Imp of the Perverse" and the crash after such building intensity is phenomenal:

"And now my own casual self-suggestion that I might possibly be fool enough to confess the murder of which I had been guilty, confronted me, as if the very ghost of him whom I had murdered—and beckoned me on to death.

At first, I made an effort to shake off this nightmare of the soul. I walked vigorously—faster—still faster—at length I ran. I felt a maddening desire to shriek aloud. Every succeeding wave of thought overwhelmed me with new terror, for, alas! I well, too well understood that to think, in my situation, was to be lost. I still quickened my pace. I bounded like a madman through the crowded thoroughfares. At length, the populace took the alarm, and pursued me. I felt then the consummation of my fate. Could I have torn out my tongue, I would have done it, but a rough voice resounded in my ears—a rougher grasp seized me by the shoulder. I turned—I gasped for breath. For a moment I experienced all the pangs of suffocation; I became blind, and deaf, and giddy; and then some invisible fiend, I thought, struck me with his broad palm upon the back. The long imprisoned secret burst forth from my soul.

They say that I spoke with a distinct enunciation, but with marked emphasis and passionate hurry, as if in dread of interruption before concluding the brief, but pregnant sentences that consigned me to the hangman and to hell.

Having related all that was necessary for the fullest judicial conviction, I fell prostrate in a swoon."

Do you guys know why you enjoy thinking about or writing whumping?

I know. I’d be a whumpee probably. Just… to be hurt so bad, to be broken beyond comprehension. Nobody can invalidate that.

Then, even better, the eventual rescue by someone who cares unconditionally about me. I’ve never had someone care for me like that. I want it.

Whoah. Fantastic. No notes. But I will say: I've never appreciated Aric as a character more. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, JUDE /pos.

He really is a complex character. And now I, too, wonder if leaving all that unanswered matter around him was intentional on Soman's part.

And yes, I completely agree—overanalyzing is what makes it fun.

One other fun thing. At last I've found another song that reminds me of Japeth! (I'd not known its name before and wasn't able to search for it specifically.) It's "Anitra's Dance" by Edvard Grieg. Very sinuous in my opinion.

I am going to cry now

What time do you usually sleep on weekdays?? Weekends??

Any time from 1-5 am, sometimes later/"earlier." (Yes, I’m aware my sleep schedule is insanity itself. You don’t have to tell me.)

Did u know that there's a Sherlock Holmes museum

I have heard people gather for Holmesian events, I guess, but I’m not sure I realized there was a museum, so that’s cool! I might want to visit it someday though I haven’t read much of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s work at all. (It’s on my list of things to read though. I have an edition with a few stories in it.) Generally, most of my knowledge is secondhand and I’ve seen maybe at least two adaptations.

What's your guilty pleasure??

Taking scalding hot, incredibly long showers. My legs tend to look red afterwards.

So… I’ve gotten basically net zero as my quiz result. “How mysterious,” quoth I skeptically. And apparently, I’m “suspicious?” Am I? Remains to be seen, haha. I don’t know what to make of that and I’m kind of unironically pleased that this quiz has managed to tell me almost nothing about myself—which is probably the most in character response (in line with the quiz) that I could’ve given. Victory?! Who could’ve guessed? (Me, I suppose. Sorry. Had too much fun with this one…)

Now for the tags:

If I forgot anyone and left you out, or you would like your tag removed, you can let me know.

@spirit-of-the-hollow

@discjude

@anobody277642

@wisteriaum

@therealrhian

@hyperfixating-chic

@fandomcavalier

@iamverynormalaboutsge

@bellatrixnightshade

@asinine-aspen

@joeykeehl256

@nothing-to-see-hi

@secretly-a-catamount

@heya-there-friends

@clockthing

@luannie

@starryskiesahead

@harmonyverendez

@wheretheoceanglows

alright babes, uquiz time.

find out who you would be in fantasy society. i’m reblogging with a link so tumblr doesn’t hide this. 

Like to travel?? If so, solo or with family/friends??

I like to travel, but I don’t really enjoy the process of traveling. For instance, I can’t sleep on airplanes. I’ve never traveled alone before, so I can’t say if I’d prefer one option over the other.

SGE Characters' Potential Majors:

Rhian (prequels): Psychology, minor in Architecture.

Rafal: Forensic Studies, minor in Literature.

August Sader: Classics or Philosophy.

Evelyn Sader: Anything along the lines of Communications, Public Relations, Journalism/Media Studies, or Gender Studies.

Sophie: Fashion/Design/Visual Arts, minor in Public Relations or Literature.

Agatha: Social work or Law, minor in Literature.

Tedros: Political Science.

Callis: Chemistry, Medicine, or Biomedical Engineering.

Midas: Economics. (I can't think of anything better. Perhaps, a minor in Literature because he's a Reader?)

Hook: Maritime Studies. (Possibly, a minor in Linguistics or Translation? He'd need to know whatever the Woods' lingua franca is, if he's to travel the world.)

Aladdin: Undeclared. (Nothing wrong with being Undeclared, despite the fact that I'm associating it with him. I just feel like he's the noncommittal sort and he'd be undeclared for far too long. Maybe he'd eventually go into Business?)

Japeth: Physics or Aeronautics. (If you're reading this, Jude, I couldn't come up with anything better. Feel free to fill in the blanks!)

Rhian (TCY): Political Science or Communications.

Kyma: Sociology. (Or possibly Anthropology. I can't think of anything much better for her either.)

Rufius: Culinary Arts.

Merlin: Gender Studies and Astrophysics/Astronomy/Cosmogony (or Mathematics, Chemistry, or Physics).

Hester: Sociology and Criminology.

Sophie ought to be due more credit. How is she so sophisticated and cosmopolitan in spite of being from a close-minded town? She couldn't have derived everything she knew about high society and fashion from just the storybooks, surely? Maybe she was more inventive and pioneering than any of us could've thought since, upon becoming Dean, I think she launched several Woodswide trends.

Daily Routine??

It varies. My routine almost always consists of these elements: sleep, attending classes, doing coursework, procrastinating, or relaxing. The order is interchangeable and the frequency and duration of each of them is variable. And it's ironic that I listed sleep first, I'll say.

Busy lately??

Yes. If you’re wondering, I have other projects with real deadlines that take precedence over fics. I may post more at certain points of the year though. Not quite sure yet.

Something that most people don't know about you??

At times, I have nonsensical, probably stress-induced dreams.

In total, I've been the murderer approximately three times, endorsed an execution once, was a witness at least twice, and have been chased many more times.

The first murder was shooting some kind of long-barreled gun, perhaps a rifle or something more modern than a bayonet? Who knows? It was vague, and I don't really remember it.

The second was firing an arrow from below at a person descending stairs. The whole dream was very Hunger Games-esque and I had been peering up at my target from a swimming pool set in a ruined patio.

The third time, my murder was unintentional. I tried to help an unknown classmate(?) get unstuck from where he'd been caught under a large stone or snowdrift on the way back to a final exam, before the directions were given, and he just... tumbled down the steep, snow-covered hill? I have no idea what truly happened to him. I think all I had done was tug at his arm. I just ran the rest of the way down, took my seat in time, oddly enough, outdoors, at a table, and was given a paper. I think the prompt my brain came up with, before the hill event, from an earlier part of the dream, was something on environmentalism, or something about conditions shaping a narrative, which made little sense—much different from what the real exam's prompt was. I wanted to wash my hands, so I would stop feeling sticky, and I think I wondered if I had blood on them. A thought I had then or maybe after I woke up was that the prompt wasn't about Lady Macbeth, so why'd all that happen? I also worried over whether I had partly abandoned the poor guy or committed a murder. Yet I don't believe in dream symbolism because it's not fully scientific, and the directions in the dream weren't ever fully explained anyway. In that same dream, I also eavesdropped on someone who might've been my real-life, class dean and some old woman.

The one time I endorsed the murder in a dream, it happened after a whole convoluted, surreal, Coup d'état plot, not even founded in reality. I broke into a library, to catch my foe shortly before they arrived, and asked someone else to get ready. It wasn't just commanding an execution to happen; it was a (magic?) trick I wasn't fully conscious of, despite being the one to ask for it to be set-up and deliver the orders during the all-important moment. A professor in the library, who specialized in firearms, stage tactics, and sleight of hand, fired what seemed to be a blank at the traitor/usurper/criminal. And my criminal got covered in loose, non-compacted, burning gunpowder instead of run through by a bullet. By then, their skin was probably crawling with some sensation of being set aflame—but don't ask me? I couldn't sense that pov. There was nothing gory anyway. But somehow, they tried to shake the powder off, onto me, and I guess I woke up before anything became worse.

In the same execution dream, there were other previous events, and I was a witness to a different murder. That murder was this instance, with cool, Art Deco vibes, wherein, my (non-existent) friend sacrificed themselves for me. I had to lug the corpse through halls and to elevators, and I went up and down multiple times while on the run before I decided to leave the body.

In another dream, what I think was a hanging was visible in the background, but I'm not quite sure about that. It was more of a vague image.

As for the times I've been pursued by figures with unknown intent, one was notably in a labyrinthine place.

Also, to anyone who's read this far: Don't worry. I don't believe I could actually pull off any of these things as I think I’d pass out too soon because I have somewhat weak lungs and not nearly enough athleticism.

How do you usually spend your weekends??

Usually, I stay in, do homework, and recover from the week. I often read or watch shows.

What are you most scared of??

Why should I tell you?

(It’s fine if you want to try convincing me that I should answer, but I think my mind is already made up in that I won’t. Sorry for the lack of response. I do not want this type of information to be used against me. You can interpret my answer as paranoia or distrust of humanity, but I don’t think you will get very far! I will allow challengers to psychoanalyze me if they want though. /hj)

Rafal, would you ever let anyone me touch your hair haha

It looks nice :D

(Pls drop hair routine)

Rafal: No. And what do you mean by routine? I wash it, rinse out the powdered natron and vetch. Comb it. Nothing more. The practice has been around for centuries. It's not as if showering is hard, no matter what some Never clowns seem to think. They're probably cowardly, thinking the salt will sting their open wounds, the blithering idiots. Speaking of the Circus—it wouldn't suit me to leave out mention of its ringleader, would it? Apparently, Rhian doesn't like it when I walk in with oxidized blood plastering my hair down, but I don't see the difference between that and his newfangled hair goop, or slathering his face in charcoal for that matter—how is that any cleaner coming out of a bottle when blood is already sterile right out of its vessel? It's beyond me. And why would hair need a "mask" weighing it down? Cloaks are clearly superior at obscuring identity.

i feel like Rhian is a person who is SO frightened to eat a simple medicine because it tastes horrible, and Rafal is the one who's stressed about it

I could see that happening, but I’m not sure I’d fully agree because I think Rhian values his dignity too much to act childishly like that. Also, I personally view him as a chronic hypochondriac with sky-high anxiety, who wants to set a Good example for the children and who’d rather take medicine to avoid pain, meaning, he’d probably take the medicine, even if he hated its taste, for his own sanity and his health/comfort. The one exception would be if he hated the taste more than he could tolerate the pain, not an ideal trade-off. Perhaps, in private, he would be more defensive and try to weasel his way out of taking the medicine; in that way, I could see what you’ve said actually playing out, especially if the illness caused him to be irrational. (By the way, if Rafal were the one who was sick, I’d suspect he’d deny it and ignore it until illness made him collapse, as in literally drop to the ground, because he doesn’t pay attention to or doesn’t have sensitive physical needs, and is overall under-responsive, seeing as he once didn’t move and implicitly didn’t eat for several days while watching the torture sessions in Rise. He could’ve been so engrossed that he’d forgotten.) Anyway, Rafal would definitely resort to forcing Rhian to swallow the medicine, if it came to it though—because it’s for Rhian’s “own good,” and for once, Rafal isn’t wrong about that, no matter how controlling he is. But first, I think Rafal would plunk down the pills and glass of water in front of Rhian whilst they’re in front of a large crowd, when the entire School is dining, and just dare Rhian with his eyes to not comply and make a scene in the face of nebulous future consequences (the one time a threat by Rafal would be empty and more just a reminder because Rhian would punish himself well enough by acting out and losing respect from the Evers). That, using Rhian’s heretofore spotless image against him and hidden social pressure, would probably work best. And, if that’s easiest, Rafal would, of course, chose the path of least resistance, however underhanded it may seem.

If there was one thing you could choose to do forever, what would it be??

That’s hard. I think the most flexible answer I could give to get even part of what I’d want out of life would be that I’d choose to be a student of some kind forever, or if my answer has to be an active verb: to keep learning forever. This, as my one thing, would allow me to both read and write for the rest of my life. Also, it would be a loophole!

I could claim I was doing or observing something in order “to study” it or to learn from it, meaning, I could justify doing virtually anything I wanted. Even if I wanted to do nothing at all, I could reason out that I’m, for instance, studying the effects of “meditative silence” on my brain and its deterioration from long term inactivity. Or, I’d just say I learn automatically from life experience as I age since we, as humans, never stop processing information and thus, technically, never stop responding and learning to respond to a constant onslaught of information, so in my example, I would be “learning” to sit with stimuli around and suppress responses to it, by consciously choosing to do nothing, effectively getting out of having to “do” anything.

Zodiac sign??

I don't believe in the zodiac signs but Gemini.