Self Sabotage - Tumblr Posts
Wow. That's deep. And I fear various types of physical pain in real life. But to me, it's more like a feeling of excitement (in the Physics sense of the word, not just the emotional state, because, I think I tense or internally thrum with excitement while I write sometimes, possibly as a overreaction, like of the nervous system). It's like: Look at me! I'm being a sadistic writer like real authors are! So, I guess I don't necessarily see everything from the victim's side unless I'm writing their pov.
At least it's fictional. I laughed while writing my whump fic, especially at the tablecloth trap part.
⸻
Unrelated to fics though, I've recently come up with the idea of thinking of certain types of faster writing, like the overly verbose writing sprints/drafting I often do, in terms of a particular Edgar Allan Poe passage—I just kind of laughed in glee at it during my first read of "The Imp of the Perverse" and the crash after such building intensity is phenomenal:
"And now my own casual self-suggestion that I might possibly be fool enough to confess the murder of which I had been guilty, confronted me, as if the very ghost of him whom I had murdered—and beckoned me on to death.
At first, I made an effort to shake off this nightmare of the soul. I walked vigorously—faster—still faster—at length I ran. I felt a maddening desire to shriek aloud. Every succeeding wave of thought overwhelmed me with new terror, for, alas! I well, too well understood that to think, in my situation, was to be lost. I still quickened my pace. I bounded like a madman through the crowded thoroughfares. At length, the populace took the alarm, and pursued me. I felt then the consummation of my fate. Could I have torn out my tongue, I would have done it, but a rough voice resounded in my ears—a rougher grasp seized me by the shoulder. I turned—I gasped for breath. For a moment I experienced all the pangs of suffocation; I became blind, and deaf, and giddy; and then some invisible fiend, I thought, struck me with his broad palm upon the back. The long imprisoned secret burst forth from my soul.
They say that I spoke with a distinct enunciation, but with marked emphasis and passionate hurry, as if in dread of interruption before concluding the brief, but pregnant sentences that consigned me to the hangman and to hell.
Having related all that was necessary for the fullest judicial conviction, I fell prostrate in a swoon."
Do you guys know why you enjoy thinking about or writing whumping?
I know. I’d be a whumpee probably. Just… to be hurt so bad, to be broken beyond comprehension. Nobody can invalidate that.
Then, even better, the eventual rescue by someone who cares unconditionally about me. I’ve never had someone care for me like that. I want it.
I confuse people. I have a happy personality and a sad soul. I'm bold but shy. I love deeply but sometimes I feel heartless. I'm healing and hurting at the same time. I'm dedicated to growth, but i self sabotage
7 Subtle Ways People Try to Sabotage Young Women
In my teens and twenties, people often told me I'd look great with short hair or suggested I buy clothing that didn't suit my figure, age, or personal style.
Their unsolicited "advice" confused me. For the longest time, I thought, why would you suggest this? Don't you have eyes in your head?
Oh, how young and naive I was.
Now, in my thirties, I know what all that poor unsolicited advice people dumped on me was about.
The point was to try to nerf my natural attractiveness and personality. That way, others who felt like they operated with less would look better in comparison.
Sabotage, especially subtle sabotage, can come in many forms. It's often disguised as advice or concern.
These are the most common ways people, intentionally or not, try to undermine young women.
Take the following "advice" with a grain of salt, even if coming from a close person.
🔪1. Appearance-Based Sabotage
Hair and makeup: Telling you to cut your hair shorter or wear less makeup, implying that you should be "less high-maintenance" or that natural looks are "more professional," when in reality, they may be trying to diminish your confidence or attractiveness.
Clothing: Suggesting you wear baggy or unflattering clothes under the guise of being "more comfortable" or "modest," which could be a way to make you appear less confident or attractive. Also suggesting clothing that ages you unnecessarily.
Body shaming: Making comments that subtly criticize your body, such as implying you should lose or gain weight, which can undermine your self-esteem.
🔪2. Career and Ambition Sabotage
Downplaying achievements: Minimizing your successes or implying they are due to luck rather than your skills, which can erode your confidence in your abilities.
Discouraging ambition: Telling you to be "realistic" or not aim too high, suggesting that you should settle for less in your career or personal goals.
"Nice girl" syndrome: Advising you to be more agreeable or not to assert yourself too much, as it might make you "unlikable" or "bossy," which can inhibit your leadership potential.
🔪3. Relationship Sabotage
Undermining relationships: Suggesting that you are "too picky" or should settle in your relationships, which can lead to accepting less from a partner than you deserve.
Toxic advice on boundaries: Encouraging you to ignore red flags or be more accommodating in relationships, which can lead to unhealthy dynamics.
🔪4. Emotional and Mental Sabotage
Gaslighting: Making you question your reality or decisions, leading to self-doubt.
Playing the victim: Acting hurt or upset when you succeed or make decisions for yourself, making you feel guilty for your achievements.
Competitive undermining: Subtly competing with you in a way that makes you feel less than, such as constantly comparing themselves to you or highlighting your flaws.
🔪5. Social and Networking Sabotage
Isolation: Encouraging you to distance yourself from certain people or networks that could be beneficial to you, under the guise of protecting you from "bad influences." When in reality these very people or networks could help you succeed in your career/school or lead to other opportunities to advance.
Gatekeeping: Withholding information, contacts, or opportunities that could help you advance, while pretending to be supportive.
🔪6. Critiquing Your Personality
Labeling assertiveness as aggression: Calling you "aggressive" or "too much" when you stand up for yourself, which can push you to be more passive.
Mocking your passions: Dismissing your hobbies or interests as childish or unimportant, which can make you doubt your own preferences and values.
🔪7. Advice to Conform
Encouraging compliance: Advising you to fit in or conform to certain norms, especially if those norms are limiting or don't align with your true self. (This is different from fitting in in environments where a certain level of professionalism is needed)
Discouraging uniqueness: Telling you that certain behaviors or styles are "too out there" or "not ladylike," pushing you to suppress your individuality.
Recognizing these behaviors is important so that you can protect yourself on time, i.e. before others manipulate you into making a choice that does you no favors.
Trusting your instincts, maintaining a strong sense of self, and surrounding yourself with genuinely supportive people can help you nip these negative influences in the bud.
What are some sentences people can say to sabotage me in career, productivity, personal goals, creativity, beauty etc?
Here are some sentences that people might say to undermine your efforts in various areas of your life:
💀Career
"Are you sure you're qualified for this job?"
"I heard they're not hiring/promoting right now."
"It's so competitive; you'll never get noticed."
"Maybe you should lower your expectations." (I HATE THIS ONE with a fiery passion)
⚰️Productivity
"You don't need to work so hard; it's not worth it."
"Why are you wasting your time on that?"
"I don’t see how that’s going to benefit you."
"You can always do it later."
💀Personal Goals
"You’ve tried this before and it didn’t work."
"It sounds too ambitious for you."
"What’s the point of this goal anyway?"
"Are you really committed to this?"
⚰️Creativity
"That's a strange idea; no one will understand it."
"I don't think you're creative enough for this."
"Isn't that too risky?"
"It’s been done before; why bother?"
💀Beauty
"Why are you even trying? It doesn’t suit you."
"You're never going to look like that."
"It’s too expensive to keep up with that."
"Beauty isn’t everything; maybe focus on something else."
These kinds of statements can be particularly damaging because they often target your self-doubt and fear. This can hinder your progress in various aspects of life.
If you realize someone is sabotaging and manipulating you, the best course of action is distancing yourself from them to protect your peace. The second best is using these same statements against them.
How to counteract sabotage and manipulation attempts?
Educate yourself on everything that's important to you, so that you can make informed choices and decisions.
Learn how to make decisions without dwelling, overthinking etc.
Trust your decisions and don't seek input from others once you've decided.
constantly getting jumpscared by unexpected obsessions
No creo que algo te haga abrir los ojos más que darte cuenta que esa persona nunca hará lo mismo por ti que tú hiciste por el/ella
should i ask why you treating me different or just let you go?
no existe nadie que se sienta tan incomprendida como yo
I just realized I’ve spent at least an hour trying to find a tumblr post that conveys how I feel right now or at least encourages my thoughts out of the jumbled up mess they are currently in and it’s like, why can’t I make that post myself? Why can’t I just unravel my thoughts the way I usually do in my journal? Why must I, in a way, torture myself today? Trying to fill I void I already know how to fill and trying to rid myself of a feeling I already am well aware of how to get rid of but I am currently just choosing not to. Like I guess it’s because today was one of those days where it sort of sinks in more than usual just how trapped I feel in my life, but even then I know I don’t have to make it worse. I don’t have to binge eat, I don’t have to force myself to do exercises I very well don’t have the energy for, and I don’t have to starve myself either. There’s other ways to go about my sinking feeling than self destructing.
Might start referring to hip-hop as "hop music" and see how far that takes me.
Sometimes I dabble in introspection and such, but I honestly think I get more done by running headfirst into life, screaming and crying and somehow getting shit done. Feels like passing a kidney stone, but I impress people. I'm the Evel Knievel of overacheivement.
Argument: I do not wish to sleep when tum hurt very bad.
Counterpoint: Tum and all else will hurt more in the morning. In the wee hours. At work.
Conclusion: Future me can just deal with her own problems.
Update:it suuuuucked but payday is soon. Mmmmm
Putting perfume on before bed feels so luxe and so crusty at the same time. It's giving Marie Antoinette, Versailles energy.
This is really great in understanding machanism of self sabotage.
🎀 Yours Truly 🎀
And all of the sudden I find my WILL back...
