Self Harm

Self harm

What is self harm?

The act of injuring oneself, with the said intent.

Why do we do it?

Because sometimes there is so much pain, so much suffering, so much anger inside, that we need to get it out. We won’t take it out on those around us, we know how it feels and we wouldn’t put another person through the pain we felt.

So what do we do? We take it out on ourselves. We know we shouldn’t but sometimes we aren’t able to think.

I remember nights when I sobbed quietly when I wanted to wail, get it all out. I couldn’t. I took it out on me..

I scratched and I scratched till I bled. And then I did it again, and again, and again.

I’ve stopped now. I found friends with whom I could open up,Talk to about what goes on inside my head, cry as loud as I want  and for as long as I need.

I’ve found my solace in other things. I write. I water color. I may not be that great but it’s something that keeps me sane.

If there are people out there, and I know there are because I was one of them, who hurt themselves to keep a sane mind, don’t. I know it sounds stupid when I say it. Find someone who’ll listen, pick up a hobby, find someone to talk to.

And if you don’t find anyone, talk to me. I’ll listen. I’ll be there for you like how my friends were there for me.

Love.

@goodoldlamp 

If I'd known that I'd grow up and some day want to draw a tardis on my hostel room wall, I would have learned how to draw a very long time ago 😂 nevertheless, here's my tardis ❤

Back to School Tips

for the ADHD student 

just a list of things that have helped me while struggling at community college:) hopefully these will apply for high school ADHDers too!

- don’t choose classes that you don’t love, unless absolutely necessary. uninteresting classes will kill your motivation so fast guys.

- when scheduling classes, DO NOT sign up for a class before 8am!! or even 9!! you’ll think you can do these things, but you just can’t, Nemo. 

- take it easy on the redbull. energy drinks, sugar, and any other processed foods and/or drugs isn’t the best for concentration or memory or functioning in general.

- speaking of memory, it is very important to get enough sleep, because that is when memories are consolidated. specifically, get enough deep (NREM) sleep; deep sleep is when explicit and factual memories are established, while REM sleep only consolidates procedural and emotional memories. Basically, if you’re gonna skip sleep and do homework, wake up early to study, don’t stay up late.

- and while we’re talking of sleep, keep in mind a couple things: 1) yes, sleep is important but 2) you will undoubtedly not get enough so don’t cry over it and 3) this is when coffee comes in.

- and i don’t mean Starbucks, because that heavenly, fantastic shit is for much richer people. get used to strong, black coffee because it’s cheap and works better and it’s cheap.

- make friends with your professors at the BEGINNING of the term. sometimes all you gotta do is start the conversation and your grade will magically become better.

- always have a healthy snack on hand, like almonds or dried fruit.

- find yourself a sanctuary. THIS MIGHT BE MY MOST IMPORTANT TIP. on campus, things are gonna be overwhelming and hard and tiring, and you’re gonna need something or someplace to return to, where you can study, cry, get shit done, nap, stair into the endless void call Life, etc. I usually find myself a hidden corner or table or couch in each hall to claim as my territory, then camp out in in it between (and sometimes during) classes.

- always have your earbuds.

- find a study partner, not a study group.

- don’t be afraid to ask for help from tudors, peers, professors or Student Disability services. I got SSD accommodations finally after 8 terms and it SAVED MY LIFE. usually, services for students with disabilities can get you extra time on tests, note taking help, and other stuff specific to your school.

- bring a fiddle toy, coloring sheets, chewing gun, or anything else to help you sit through class. and if someone comments on your fidget cube, glare or slap them or stab their eyes out. this is college, bitch. survival of the dog-eat-dog. or something.

- on that note, do whatever you need to get through class. and i don’t mean blackmail your professor. i do mean show up to class in pajamas, or create a crazy wall with tacked-up papers and red string and crossed-out codes, or bring a pot of tea to morning yoga. usually people don’t actually care about what you do or say or look like, so just be.

- yes, color-coding + sticky notes are always a good idea.

- take your notes on paper! we all know that computer note-taking is a gateway to distraction which leads to online impulse buys and obsessive research about probably time travel. or penguin migration habits. or what colors go best with your skin tones. just, write notes in a notebook.

- last tip! have a pre-game playlist. get hyped. energize yourself so you can make through the class, the day, the week, the term, the Life. find what inspires you and don’t forget it. 

Anyways, that’s all. this got a lot longer then i had planned. hope this is helpful to at least one person!! if you have any tips you wanna add, feel free:) good luck this year, my dudes. 

p.s. if you find this post helpful but you don’t have adhd but you wanna reblog anyway, chill. it’s okay. reblog anyway. just everyone be respectful and fucking nice and tag correctly. i really don’t care❤️❤️❤️

Hope, that’s where I went wrong.

You were my first. I didn’t know what love was.

I didn’t know what it should’ve felt like.

But I’d hoped it felt like you.

I loved you, with everything I was. I gave to you everything I had. I knew you inside and out. You became a part of me.

And I’d hoped I were a part of you too

It wasn’t always a bed of roses.

We had our ups and our downs, but we fixed it for each other.

And I’d hoped we always would.

Each time time we fell apart, I was always here.

Even when you walked away, found others, more than once, I was always here.

Because you came back to me.

And I’d hoped you always will.

But you didn’t.

You killed the love I thought you were.

You ripped me right out, like I were nothing more than a button in your life.

And you walked right away.

Maybe that’s where I went wrong, I hoped.

I’d hoped to receive the love I gave.

Or maybe it was that I waited.

I couldn't walk away. Even though you did.

No matter how I tried, I couldn’t.

Because I’d hoped, deep down I’d hoped, you and me would be what we once were.

Even now, a year after you walked all over my heart, I see you, and I hope.

“There’s something broken in our generation,

There are so many sad eyes above happy smiles”

~atticus

@atticuspoetry