Slowly And Carefully Changes My Bedding. Making Sure To Take My Time And Not Over-exert In The Slightest.

Slowly and carefully changes my bedding. Making sure to take my time and not over-exert in the slightest.

Heartrate almost in the 150s says WHAAAAAAAAAAATTT? 🫠

My bed is made. Here I disintegrate.

Good day.

i know it's the same late-stage capitalism grift but i'm just so tired of everything being so anti-personalisation and anti-customisation.

everything has to be kept in good enough nick to resell to some stranger, and your touch being known on whatever it is degrades its value

i buy so many vintage clothes where i can see repairs from twenty years ago, most of the furniture i buy is 50, 100, 150 years old because it's so much better than anything newer, but also like... it's patterned. it's decorated. it's not soulless shite in landlord's colours

idk i've hung up 15 pieces of art in my apartment the past few weeks, when it's "complete" i'll probs have up a hundred or so pieces to cover the walls, i want a standing piano, i want blankets, quilting, i want comfort with my antique furnishing and art

sometimes people assume that because a piece of my furniture is a century or two old it must be So Expensive, but in reality i buy it for literally like, a sixth or a tenth of the equivalent unit, uglier, less well-constructed, new, BECAUSE it's old and LOOKS old.

it's not that no one appreciates antiques anymore, even, i don't actually believe, it's that no one's ALLOWED to - even if it was easy to move the furniture back and forth in a car they don't own to an apartment full of their shitty landlord's furniture they can't get rid of

everything has to be kept attractive enough for an invisible viewer's approval, has to be Fashionable and Saleable enough, whether that means TikTokable or appropriate for their work or a landlord or whatever other bullshit

and the older i get the more technophobic i am because i like certain specific things but everything is so fucking invasive and so hostile to everything about individuality EXCEPT for the vulnerabilities in an individual that might make them easier to advertise and sell to

I hate waking up and being ready to just go back to sleep again. No matter the amount of sleep.

30 minutes

3 hours

13 hours

I've even pulled a 30+ before (that was due to medication mixup and was scary but anyway)

Doesn't matter. Always exhausted. Always ready to hunker down for nap/sleep. Years and years of fatigue. I barely remember what it was like to be hyper and energetic and bouncing around ready for adventures.

Now I'm only ever mentally pining for adventures knowing full well my body wouldn't let me go and if I went anyway it'd be the last anyone saw of me.

I need to interrupt this pitiful whining with the observation that my youngest's silhouette right at this moment looks like shinchan standing on the dining room chair particularly his head-cheek shape and well that's all carryon

The water exercise is going well. Sort of? Like it has been good for my mental health to get out of the house and into water... and it's been good to get my body moving and not have my joints scream, whole body overheat, fainting, etc.

However.... holding even the lightest water weights has been really hard on my hands. They cramp up so bad and I have to put them back like ½-¾ of the way through the session. Which sucks because other than my hands, it's a great workout!!

I can alternate how I hold/move them and work everything from my arms to my core to my legs. It's such a versatile way to keep active for me and yet my HANDS...... BETRAY ME...

I've yet to figure out a way to remedy this. But I'm still determined to go every day.

One of the days they cramped so bad I almost couldn't let go of them. That was a rough day. The next day I just used the tube so I didn't have to hold onto anything. It sucked because the tube is cumbersome and not as versatile. Suggestions very welcome 🫠

Woke up drenched in sweat and nauseous yet again. Just miserable. I barely got down a half bowl of cereal and have been sipping liquid iv.

I feel so gross. So weak. My chest has hurt all morning. I couldn't sleep well the last 2 nights because of irregular heartbeat knocking the wind out of me.

I just want to shower. I just want to sleep.

Lolz

Accidentally sent 'happy prude month!!🎊🥰🥰' to my asexual friend and now im gonna dunk my head in cement to become unrecognizable