Y'all Wanna See James And Meowth's Experiment In Action?

y'all wanna see James and Meowth's experiment in action?

too hot for tumblr fanart below the cut

you have been warned

This is how the Meowth kittens are made

James is wearing socks because it's kinkier that way

a cat always lands on his feet

Meowth in my old fics, apparently: This cat always lands on Jimmy's feet.

Bad Blood: Jessie Is A Crazy Ass Vampire. Yep, That's The Fic (part one of three)

Another story in which I try to write Rocketshipping and fail spectacularly. I seem to have done this a lot.

Content Warning: First-person mixed points-of-view; colorful language; violence; sexual abuse; blood mention; bizarre focus on James’s virginity (because of course there is); very loose understanding of medical and psychological issues; out-of-character behavior for James and Meowth; absolute character assassination of Jessie (she's Elizabeth Báthory now); just vampire things 🧛; Jesus Hades Christ twelve!me tortured James a lot in fic (blame it on the Strix, grabbin people's dicks, blame it on the au-au-au-au-au-Aufhocker)

-O-o-O-o-O-

(Meowth's point of view)

We knew Jessie was violent.

Our conversations seemed to be centered on revenge and fantasies of bathing in our enemies' blood.

We didn't really think about it that much. We thought she was just high on crack or watching too many horror movies.

We were horribly wrong.

(James's point of view)

Jessie really started scaring us. She kept trying to bite me. I tried to hide, but where could I hide in a tent?

Once, I went to bed and woke up with my pants off and Meowth guarding me. As soon as I noticed my lower half was showing, I squealed and pulled my pants back on.

"She tried to have sex with you. But she didn't get any part of your family jewels. You're still a virgin, James," Meowth said.

I was turning bright red. I knew because I felt my face get hot. I'm pretty sure I was as red as Jessie's hair.

Or blood.

I went into the bushes. My whole body was shaking. I threw up.

Meowth came out. "Are you all right?"

"No," I said.

"It's Jessie, isn't it? She tried to bite you and hump you," Meowth said.

I couldn't help gasping at the word "hump."

"I think….Jessie might be a vampire," I said.

"That's a little farfetched," Meowth said.

I believed him so I didn't think about it anymore.

(Meowth's point of view)

James and I were glad we were out in the woods because we could easily run away if Jessie got out of hand.

She did.

One night, after a messed up Pikachu plan, Jessie started cursing out James.

"You stupid bitch! How the fuck could you fuck up such an easy plan? What the fuck was so hard to understand about our cunting plan?" she yelled.

James was in tears as he screamed, "I tried my best! It would've been better without the pitfall!"

Jessie backhanded James across his face. James was knocked over.

Suddenly, I heard a rustle in the bushes. Jessie and James didn't hear it because human ears aren't as strong as Pokémon ears.

I looked over at the bushes.

"Jessie? What are you doing?!" said a familiar voice.

Mondo came out of the bushes.

Jessie didn't answer him. She just picked up a stick and started to beat James with it. Mondo ran over to her and grabbed the stick.

"What could he have possibly done to make you do this? Why are you beating him up?" yelled Mondo.

"He screwed up a plan for catching Pikachu!" yelled Jessie.

"Just because of that?! That's no reason to try to kill him," Mondo said. "Meowth, what exactly happened?"

I told him exactly what had happened. Every single move and quote.

"None of that was even partly James's fault. Why were you beating him up?" Mondo said.

"I know why," I said.

"Why? Is there something you're not telling me?" Mondo asked.

"Jessie won't tell and I didn't want to scare James, but Jessie's a psychopathical vampire," I said.

"But….Vampires aren't real," Mondo said.

"She keeps trying to bite James with her fangs," I said.

Suddenly we heard a scream. Jessie was holding James by his shirt and brushing his hair away from his neck.

"Jessie, don't!"

(Mondo's point of view)

Jessie touched James's family jewels.

That did it.

I tried to get Jessie off of James, but Jessie was too strong.

"Get off of me!" James screamed. He struggled, unsuccessfully, to get out of Jessie's hold.

Jessie bit James.

Meowth threw a rock at her ass.

Jessie got off James. James fell to the ground, unconscious.

Jessie got out her paper fan and—whack!

Meowth should wear a helmet.

I got James and his things. They were all in his backpack, along with his tent. Meowth was packed up, too.

I ran off into the woods, carrying James. Meowth was right behind me. I heard Jessie yelling, "Come back here with my Child of Darkness!"

We were safe from that blood fiend.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Crack is an epidemic in the ranks of Team Rocket as well as in my fic.

The Prophet of Moltres or: What if James thought Moltres was Azor Ahai?

The Sad Saga of James Morgan and Company: I Still Have Questions

If you were (or still are) a regular viewer of Xena: Warrior Princess, you will probably recognize the inspiration for this fic as the season three episode "Forget Me Not." You will also notice that eleven!me completely mangled it.

This fic contains: Colorful language; possible out-of-character moments for James and Meowth; convoluted occult lore; murderous, occult-powered Jessiebelle; ellipses abuse; definite out-of-character moment for Ash; original character; attempted suicide on astral plane/alternate timeline; violence; Jessiebelle is really messed up; Butch and Cassidy are pretty terrible, too; Jessie is still dead; James actually has useful powers (?!); Jesus Hades Christ eleven!me tortured James (and Meowth!) a lot in fic (this particular warning is getting a lot of use isn't it)

-O-o-O-o-O-

*James and Meowth are still mourning Jessie. Jessiebelle is still after James. One day, James and Meowth are walking in the forest when they come across a strange building. It has a sign that says, "Answer Shack: Any questions will be answered, whether you like it or not." It looks like a stone temple.

Meowth: Do you have any questions? James: (thinks awhile). Yes. Several.

*James goes in, but the two guards don't let Meowth in.

Meowth: Hey, what's the big idea? Guard One: Only one inquirer is allowed at a time. Meowth: I don't have any questions. I just wanted to go in with my friend. Guard Two: The questions must be asked and answered in private.

*In the temple, James is standing and looking around. A boy who looks an awful lot like Tylas is standing across from him. James is looking at him with a frightened look on his face.

Temple Keeper Tylas look-alike: What is wrong, James? James: (whispering) Nothing.

*The boy even sounds like Tylas, except his voice is monotone. He's also a witch.

Temple Witch: What do you wish to know? James: Why did all the things that happened to me have to happen to me? Temple Witch: I know what you are talking about. I have been watching you. I have seen you witness the death of your chosen sister and best friend as well as the death of your true love. I have seen you go through pain only a power-carrier can survive. I know the answer to all your questions. It all had to happen to you because you are the Chosen One. If all of that had not happened to you, history would have been changed. And because you are a good bad guy, meaning that on the outside you are a bad guy, but on the inside, you cannot stand being bad. You will kill yourself if you steal one more Pokémon. You will want your Meowth friend to scratch your heart out if your plan to steal Ash's Pikachu actually works. James: No…. Temple Witch: Yes. It may be painful, but it is the truth. You cannot deny it. James: No. I like being part of Team Rocket. I like being evil and nasty. Temple Witch: Admit it. You are not fit to be a bad guy and you know it.

*James tries to break away from him, but for every step backward he takes, the Temple Witch takes a step forward. Even if the Temple Witch weren't taller than him, he'd be afraid.

Temple Witch: You are the perfect one for my experiment.

*Meanwhile, outside….

Meowth: Let me in, NOW!

*Meowth hears James scream. The guards let him in. Meowth sees James lying unconscious on the floor. The Temple Witch stands over him.

Meowth: (screams) What have you done to him?! Temple Witch: I dosed him with this. (holds up a sack of powder) I will take you into what he is thinking and experiencing now.

*The Temple Witch takes Meowth into a back room to show him what James is experiencing in the astral plane dimension. It's mostly what would happen if James had never met Jessie and Meowth.

Meowth: You forced him to think these awful thoughts? Temple Witch: It was necessary. (points to a lonely-looking Pokémon) Look over there. Does that cat look familiar? Meowth: Is that….? Temple Witch: Yes. That is you.

*The cat he pointed to could talk, but….

Temple Witch: What is wrong with this picture? Meowth: I don't know. All I see is a cat talking. Temple Witch: He is talking to himself. This is where you would be if you had never met James, just after Jessie died. All alone.

*Some people take him away.

Temple Witch: Listen. Person taking Meowth away: Where is your owner? Can you really talk and understand us? Meowth in James's dream: She died. Person: We'll have to set up an orphanage. Dream Meowth: An orphanage?! Please don't take me there! Person: I'm sorry, but we can't let you stay on the streets if you used to have a trainer. (takes him away) Temple Witch: That is what would have happened. Now, look at this.

*They're at a mansion, looking through the window.

Meowth: That's James! I don't see anything different about him. Temple Witch: Look closely. At his expression. Look what that woman is doing to him. Meowth: That's Jessiebelle! But she's got a whip and a wand. James looks so scared and sad. Temple Witch: He is not just scared and sad. He is frightened and miserable. Now, watch.

*Jessiebelle closes the door and locks it. James sits, shaking. He's crying. Jessiebelle hits him.

Meowth: Don't let her do this to you! Temple Witch: He cannot hear or see you. Meowth: I don't want to see any more of this. Temple Witch: We are not finished. Look.

*James is in the dungeon. He's doing something with a rope.

Meowth: What's he doing? Temple Witch: He had to tie the knot. Now he will tie the noose. Meowth: What's that supposed to mean?! Temple Witch: He is committing suicide.

*Jessiebelle comes in. She makes James put the noose away. He's now like a slave. He can't talk without permission.

Meowth: She's hurt him so much. Temple Witch: He is not allowed to cry. One tear could mean death for him. Meowth: (crying) Stop! Take me back to reality. I want to see the real James. Not some emotionless, voiceless boy who happens to be the same person. Temple Witch: It is now time to return.

*They go back to reality. James wakes up.

Temple Witch: What both of you just saw and experienced was a page from your life's history ripped out. The page where you met each other. (disappears into a cloud of smoke)

*James picks up Meowth and runs as fast as he can trying to get as far as he can from that temple. Later that day….

Meowth: Why are you sitting on that rock? James: (flat, monotone voice) I'm thinking. (wanders back to the tent)

*James's face is pale and his eyes are glazed over. Meowth could swear on Jessie's grave that an eerie green glow is coming from James's green eyes. Meowth follows him into the tent.

Meowth: If there's something wrong, please talk to me.

*James glances at Meowth, even though he isn't really looking at Meowth.

James: (flat voice) It's just that boy. He looks too much like Tylas. Meowth: (thinking) I wish I had the old James back. Not….this distant boy who looks at everyone with an empty stare and wanders around like a ghost. I want my only living friend back.

*Meowth starts to cry.

James: (flat voice) What's wrong? (turns to face Meowth)

*James's empty stare and the lack of color on his face only makes Meowth cry harder.

Meowth: I'm worried about you. James: (flat voice) Why ever would that be? I'm fine. Meowth: No, you're not. You talk like a robot. You wander around like a ghost. You have that distant look in your eyes. You're almost as white as your uniform. James: (soft, flat voice) I've always been like this. Meowth: (crying) No, you haven't! I just want the old James back. The one who even though he could only smile weakly, he'd smile anyway.

*James is quiet for a minute. Meowth thinks he sees a very small trace of emotion on James's face. When James turns to face him fully, he has that emotionless expression and empty stare back on.

James: (flat voice) There's nothing wrong with me. (sighs) Meowth: Even your sighing sounds monotone. James: (flat voice) Maybe after a good night's rest, we'll both feel better.

*They go to sleep. The next day, James wanders off to that rock he sat on the day before. The twerps notice him.

Ash: It's Team rocket! What are you up to now?

*James doesn't answer him.

Ash: What's the deal with him?

*James turns in Ash's direction. He has that distant look in his eyes.

Ash: He's giving me he creeps. Brock: He looks strange. Like a ghost, except he's not floating or see-through.

*Misty walks up to James.

Misty: What's wrong? James: (flat voice) Nothing. Meowth: He's been like that for hours.

*Misty waves her hand in front of James's face. He doesn't seem to respond.

Misty: He's so pale and quiet. Why is that? Meowth: I don't know. James: (flat voice) It's something I saw yesterday. Misty: What was it?

*James tells her in a flat monotone voice. His eyes are halfway open, like he's in a trance. After hearing the story, the twerps are disturbed and leave. James is trying to support himself by leaning on a nearby tree.

Meowth: I think he's draining your energy. James: (flat voice, getting shakier) I'm fine. Maybe my powers are just going insane again.

*James shakes violently, breaks away from the tree, and runs to a bush to throw up.

Meowth: You sure don't seem fine to me.

*James looks up again while wiping his mouth. He seems to have rejected whatever powder he took in the temple. The distant James dissolves. James breaks down in tears.

James: (crying) That temple witch was Tylas's ghost, being controlled by Jessiebelle.

*Meowth comforts James and then walks him back to the tent to rest. Later that evening, Meowth decides to cook dinner.

Meowth: We're having soup. It'll go down easier for you. (hands James a bowl) James: Thanks.

*The next day, as they're walking through the woods, they come across Butch and Cassidy.

Cassidy: I don't see Jessie anywhere. I guess she couldn't cut it in Team Rocket after all.

*James and Meowth glare.

Butch: You two should go ahead and quit while you're behind. You're not fit to be Team Rocket members. Cassidy: Are you still shitty at training that Victreebel? Did it finally snap and eat Jessie's hair off? Is that why she left you? Butch: Or did all your failures drive her to make a final blast off?

*James's hands curl into fists.

James: JESSIE WAS MURDERED, YOU UTTER CUNTS!

*James zaps lightning at Butch and Cassidy. They scream and run off. James sinks to his knees and stares at his hands.

Meowth: Ha! You sure showed them! (turns to James) James? James: I could've killed them…. Meowth: But you didn't. James: That doesn't matter! (trembling) Meowth: I think you should lie down. James: Let's just set up camp.

*They set up camp. James goes into the tent and lies down on his sleeping bag. Meowth follows.

Meowth: I'm worried about you. First, Jessiebelle tries to kill you, then she kills Jessie, now this. I hate to say this, but maybe we can't fight her anymore. James: What are you saying?! Meowth: Maybe we should surrender. James: No! I'm not going down without a fight. It's even in our motto! "Surrender now or prepare to fight!" I have to live up to it. Even if we lose. (sighs sadly) Jessie would want us to. Meowth: I miss Jessie, too. And we're not even near her grave. James: It's not just Jessie I miss. That temple witch reminded me of Tylas. Meowth: I see a pattern here. You loved Tylas, so Jessiebelle killed him. Jessie is our friend, so Jessiebelle killed her, and….

*James's eyes widen.

James: You're the only one left. (starts crying quietly) Meowth: I won't die. And I won't leave you. James: I will protect you.

*James protects Meowth and they manage to avoid Jessiebelle for a while.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: If a person, place, or organization claims to have all the answers, RUN.

The futile task of ordering the chaos

ao3 fic dreamwidth

An index of oldfic:

A Worse Pill to Swallow: Part one Part two Part three

The Book of Moltres James: Part one Part two Part three Part four

Giovanni Is Just the Worst boss: Part one Part two

James and Meowth Do A Fluffy Experiment: Part one Part two

The Angsty Domestic Life of Team Rocket: Part one Part two Part three

Jessie Drugs James and Is Generally Abusive: Part one Part two Part three Part four

James's Special Delivery: Part one Part two Part three

Toxic Rocketshipping: Part one Part two Part three

Bad Blood: Part one Part two Part three

Holiday Half Arse: Part one Part two

You Got Played (A Yu-Gi-Oh songfic): Part one Part two Part three Part four Part five

The Invasion (A Sims 2 Darkfic): Part one Part two Part three

(IN PROGRESS) The Sad Saga of James Morgan and Company: Episode one Episode two Episode three Episode four Episode five

Brotherly Love (A Taboo Animaniacs fic): Part one Part two Part three Part Four Part Five

New fic and miscellany:

Level Nineteen and Pregnant: A Short Crackfic

The Charm Cat and His Queen: Erotic Blueshipping Haiku

Blueship Ahoy: A Collection of James/Meowth Smut Short Stories

Leaky Loki: A Sims 2 kinkfic (direct link to ao3)

Your Narf is My Drug: A Pinky and the Brain/Animaniacs parody songfic (mirror on ao3)

(IN PROGRESS) The Prophet of Moltres: An Illustrated Crackfic: Page one

(IN PROGRESS) Team Rocket But They're Sims: Part one Part two Part three Part four