Just Thinking Of How Our Meaning Or Purpose In Life Is Merely To Experience. Eating An Orange Segment,

just thinking of how our meaning or purpose in life is merely to experience. eating an orange segment, hoping for snow, being in love, returning over and over to one painting, stepping outside for the full moon, submersion in water, having a favourite colour, knowing beauty, feeling alone, feeling connected, feeling longing… it is enough. 

i dont need my purse, which has my headphones and other lies my neurodivergent brain tells me.

forever saying thank you to Erin Morgenstern for this soul read in The Starless Sea:

“he doesn’t say what he is thinking which is that his church is held-breath story listening and late-night-concert ear-ringing rapture and perfect-boss fight-button pressing. That his religion is buttered in the silence of freshly fallen snow, in a carefully crafted cocktail, in between the pages of a book somewhere after the beginning but before the end.”

my personality is so manufactured. i own none of it. my handwriting comes from the girl i sat next to in fourth grade, my sense of humor comes from my best friend in third grade, the way i sit comes from the lead character in a movie i once watched, the way i type comes from one of my classmates in sixth grade.... am i not allowed to have something to myself? am i not allowed to be someone?

I'm so sick of myself. Gonna go pretend I'm the main character of a fantasy novel and not a shy mentally ill bitch with no friends. 

My mom rlly drove me to school one time only for me to forget the folder with all my VERY MUCH NEEDED registration forms and then drove me home to get them, only for me to FORGET THEM AGAIN and have to drive all the way home a second time.

how am i just now getting diagnosed w/ adhd???!?