Sick Of Myself - Tumblr Posts

I'm so sick of myself. Gonna go pretend I'm the main character of a fantasy novel and not a shy mentally ill bitch with no friends. 

I want to have a partner, but I don’t want to ruin anyone else’s life. I know I’m no good. And that I can’t change what I am. I just wish that the people who care about me weren’t imaginary.

This applies to friends, too. Everyone leaves in the end, and I’m not gonna pretend that I don’t know why. It’s because I’m not a good person. I know that.

People show up because they see me and think I’m who I pretend to be. They tell me that I can take my mask off around them. And like an idiot, I fall for it. I let them see a glimpse of what I really am. And without fail, they leave. Because what I really am is a monster. A wounded creature lashing out and biting at anything that gets too close.

Don’t show me kindness. I’ll fall in love. And I’ll end up destroying both of us.

Blood dripping from an open vein,

releasing life and mental pain...

I am so tired of being myself. And nothing ever helps...

Living with Clinical Depression sucks. You want to live and enjoy your life, but you are also constantly tired to do anything. To go out, to hang out with friends, to have a family dinner, to fucking move and sometimes... you are just freaking exhausted to only breathe...

I want this tiredness and heavyness to go away, so I can start LIVING my life. Not just survive through time.

I want to disappear.

Recovery from eleven years of depression. Recovery from having only the depressed personality... is fucking difficult.....

I feel weird.

I don't understand this... all of this.

How many cuts... how many scars - will make me feel better..? 🙏🏻 I am not fine...

I'm tired AF.

Lets cut off my feelings in order to not feel miserable 🥳

And yes, that is exactly how I deal with the shit called life. I just ignore it hurts so bad and I go through the motion.

So sick of crying..!

I hate this reality SO MUCH....

I'm such a mess, why would anyone want to bring that into his life?

Clinical Depression is an ILLNESS not an attitude. So stop telling me to "think more positively" or "just cheer up".

Thank you world.