My Heart Hurts. My Mind Is Not At Peace. I Want My Heart And My Mind Back. I Want To Let Go And Not Think

My heart hurts. My mind is not at peace. I want my heart and my mind back. I want to let go and not think about the hurt, the anger and the betrayal. I want me back. Love is great when its great, but it can also lead to many heart aches and many tears. Having your heart broken by the same person twice fucken sucks!

I want to be done and move forward like it never happened.

Yesss.

“You lied. And I think that’s what hurts the most. That I wasn’t worth the truth in your eyes.”

–4:07 PM

this is the money dog, repost in the next 24 hours and money will come your way!!

Good morning all and happy Friday.

I'm coming to terms with my break up. Why I say "my" break up is because I never fully broken up with him. In my mind and heart. I don't know why I expected him to stay single and not date. That's not fair. I guess I was still hung up onto this notion that there is still an "us" when in reality there is just me. It was because I haven't moved on and he has. Maybe he had already moved away from me emotionally and mentally before he physically did. That's why it's easier for him to move on and not be so broken like I am.

I was still holding on to something that was no longer there. There is no longer an "us", there is no longer him and I, we will never be together again. There's now him and his new person. They get to make memories together while ours is long in the past.

Yesterday was hard. Kept thinking about you and what you were doing. I know you don't like to celebrate your birthday but maybe this new person changed your mind. Maybe you went away together, to spend time together and be with each other. Maybe you just drank because of the situation you placed us both in. I don't know, I don't know because I'm no longer in your life. I'm no longer part of your routines. I'm not longer part of your world anymore. Therefore I'm no longer part of you. It's hard. Three plus years with the same person now suddenly being separated from them completely is hard. Takes time to adjust. Knowing they have someone new is hard to handle as well. That person is with them, know their routines, know their well being, knowing where they are, what they're thinking, what their feelings are. Knowing everything while I know nothing.

But I'm trying to take it day by day. Make peace with reality and let go of what once way. What we once had was beautiful. Can't look back on it now but someday I will be able to and remembered my first love fondly.

Hope everyone have a good weekend. Habe a beautiful day. Stay positive and be blessed for all you have.

Today is exactly a month since the situation happened. Also happens to be the 9th and a Tuesday as well. No communication from him, still cold silence. What did I expected? Respect, honesty, loyalty, decency between ex lovers and friends? Yes, I expected all of the above. That was my expectations. But I've learned you can imposed your expectations onto others because it always leads to disappointment.

Disappointed with how he chose to handle this situation. To handle our history and past together. He choose her over my feelings and my heart. Speaks volume about him and how he feels about me. There's a say:

How they treat you is how they feel about you. Don't try to decode or make excuses. It's simple. If they act like they don't care, they don't care.

Three plus years of being best friends and lovers gone in a moment. We are no longer friends nor are we enemies. We're just strangers who have memories of each other. This isn't how I wanted us to end. Can't change it. It happened and is happening.

Exactly to the date we broke up you've moved on. Moved on without saying goodbye to me. Just left.

Better to see your true character now than later.