Humans Are Crazy

Humans Are Crazy

Aliens have such different gender and biology from humans that none of them menstruate. So imagine this.

Alien: Human Steve, why did I find blood on the lavatory floor?

Steve: Oh, that's just Karen.

Alien: What??

Steve: Human females bleed from their reproductive organs once every month for five to seven days.

Alien: wHAT?!

Steve, calmly: Yeah, they can lose enough blood in a lifetime to kill ten grown men.

Alien: WHaT ?!?!

Karen, walking in: Steve, I need A FUCKING break. And chocolate. And a heating pad. I'll be in my sleeping quarters. Also, I threw up.

Steve: Okay, take the day off, I'll bring you your stuff in a bit.

Alien: *jots down in notebook* Human females are indestructible and fearsome. Regard them with respect.

EDIT: I swear, if this is the thing that makes me Tumblr famous, I’m gonna blow a braincell. And I don’t have many of those left, so…

Edit 2: Guys. Guys. What?! My grumpy menstrual rant is in no way worthy of being tumblr famous. *is mildly to severely confused/thankful/bumfuddled*

Edit 3: Why is this still getting notes wtf

rating my favorite musical artist names

Stray Kids: 5/10. Points deducted for age discrepancy. Considering that none of them are orphans, I don't believe the Stray part at all.

(G)I-DLE: 0/10, complete nonsense.

TOMORROW X TOGETHER: 4/10. Points deducted for aggressiveness. Good positivity, though.

Yaelokre: 9/10. Sounds like a faerie name.

Laufey: 4/10. Not a Frost Giant.

BABYMETAL: 9/10. Good job with the obvious name, people.

bbno$: 6/10, thought it was pronounced BEE BEE NO SSSS.

Thousand foot krutch: 7/10, are they okay? Why? Are they legs broken?

Breaking Benjamin: 0/10 DONT HURT BENJAMIN YOU PSYCHOS

Bring Me The Horizon: 1/10 how the hell do I do that

Evanescence: ?/10 what even is an 'evanescence'?

Linkin Park: 3/10 thought it was LinkedIn Park and what? Are we middle-aged business people listening to muzak?

Fish In A Birdcage: 10/10 amazing, need I say more?

Neoni: 3/10 feels like gibberish to be honest

Imagine Dragons: 5/10 points deducted for making me use my brain

YUNGBLUD: 7/10 I need more child sacrifice in my life, don't I?

STARSET: 2/10 are we filming a space movie?

CLANN: 10/10 very faerie oriented, much likings.

Livingston: 4/10 is it the name? The Place? Points deducted for confusingness.

Radiohead: 9/10 like a TVhead but more creative

Creepy Nuts: 8/10 points deducted for sex jokes

AURORA: 4/10 good nature/Disney reference, but altogether a bit boring

TX2: 2/10 only two points, should be obvious

League of Legends: 8.5/10 nice alliteration

Paramore: 9/10 I see what this is doing

System of a Down: 3/10 what's a down and why does it need a system?

Måneskin: ?/10 what? How do you pronounce the Å?

I wholly believe that I could have a sitcom. Why? My life is both crappy and hilarious at the same time, also known as ✨️peak comedy✨️.

Characters include 1, Me: Asexual Teen Blogger Beginning Cosplayer Homeschooler, 2, My Weirdass Besties: A. Pansexual Gymnast with Mommy Issues, B. Heterosexual Dragon Enthusiast Introvert, and C. Genderfluid Chinese K-pop Stan who loves the band Ghost, 3, My Parents: Business Director Mom who is divorcing my Dad, ADHD DnD DM who is allergic to cats and yet pets every cat he sees, and 4, my Grandma: Old Christian lady who used to be a Seamstress who laughs at my mom and my sex jokes.

And featuring Siblings: Anger Issues Gamer who is currently obsessed with FNAF, and Feral Cat How To Train Your Dragon Obsessive Sociopath who has a hyperfixation on Squishmallows.

I need a title.

Update: this has gotten way more notes in the past 30 mins than anything else I've ever posted. Um. I am honored and mildly flabbergasted.

I wholly believe that I should have a sitcom. Why? My life is both shitty and hilarious at the same time, also known as ✨️peak comedy✨️.

Characters include 1, Me: Asexual Teen Blogger Beginning Cosplayer Homeschooler, 2, My Weirdass Besties: A. Pansexual Gymnast with Mommy Issues, B. Heterosexual Dragon Enthusiast Introvert, and C. Genderfluid Chinese K-pop Stan who loves the band Ghost, 3, My Parents: Business Director Mom who is divorcing my Dad, ADHD DnD DM who is allergic to cats and yet pets every cat he sees, and 4, my Grandma: Old Christian lady who used to be a Seamstress who laughs at my mom and my sex jokes.

And featuring Siblings: Anger Issues Gamer who is currently obsessed with FNAF, and Feral Cat How To Train Your Dragon Obsessive Sociopath who has a hyperfixation on Squishmallows.

I need a title.

You may need to separate out the paragraphs yourself. I have no idea how to format.

I am a benevolent god, so here's a free and VERY in-depth character template!

Basic Information Character’s full name: Reason or meaning of name: Character’s nickname(s): Birth date: Physical appearance Gender: Age: How old does she appear: Nationality: Weight: Height: Body build: Shape of face: Eye color: Glasses or contacts: Skin tone: Distinguishing marks: Predominant features: Hair color: Type of hair: Hairstyle: Voice: Overall attractiveness: Physical disabilities: Aesthetic: Usual fashion of dress: Favorite outfit: Jewelry or accessories: Piercings: Tattoos?: Personality Pronouns: Positive personality traits: Negative personality traits: Mood character is most often in: Mental conditions: Sense of humor: Love language: Character’s greatest joy in life: Character’s greatest fear: Character's lesser fear(s): What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? Character is most at ease when: Most ill at ease when: Enraged when: Depressed or sad when: Priorities: Life philosophy: If granted one wish, it would be: Why? Character’s soft spot: Is this soft spot obvious to others? Greatest strength: Other strengths: Greatest vulnerability or weakness: Other weaknesses: Biggest regret: Minor regret: Biggest accomplishment: Minor accomplishment: Past failures he/she would be embarrassed/ashamed to have people know about: Why? Character’s darkest secret: Does anyone else know? Goals Drives and motivations: Immediate goals: Long term goals: How the character plans to accomplish these goals: How other characters will be affected: Past Hometown: Type of childhood: Pets: First memory: Most important childhood memory: Why: Childhood hero: Dream job: Education: Religion: Finances: Present Current location: Currently living with: Pets: Religion: Occupation: Finances: Family Mother: Relationship with her: Father: Relationship with him: Siblings: Relationship with them: Spouse: Relationship with him/her: Children: Relationship with them: Other important family members: Favorites Color: Least favorite color: Music: Least favorite music: Food: Least favorite food: Literature: Least favorite literature: Form of entertainment: Least favorite form of entertainment: Expressions: Mode of transportation: Most prized possession: Habits Hobbies: Languages spoken: Plays a musical instrument? Plays a sport? How he/she would spend a rainy day: Spending habits: Smokes: Drinks: Other drugs: What does he/she do too much of? What does he/she do too little of? Extremely skilled at: Extremely unskilled at: Nervous tics: Usual body posture: Mannerisms: Peculiarities: Traits Optimist or pessimist? Introvert or extrovert? MBTI: Daredevil or cautious? Logical or emotional? Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? Prefers working or relaxing Confident or unsure of himself/herself? Animal lover? Self-perception How he/she feels about himself/herself: One word the character would use to describe self: One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? How does the character think others perceive him/her: What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: Relationships with others Sexuality: Opinion of other people in general: Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? Person character most hates: Best friend(s): Love interest(s): Person character goes to for advice: Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Person character feels shy or awkward around:

Update:

Five minutes later, he screeches "ANARCHY" or some shit at the top of his lungs and runs back into the room, also at full speed. But, plot twist, this time I move before he gets elbowed.

When I asked why he did it again, he said "revenge" and elbowed me. In the face. Daintily.

I'm not sure how to feel.

MY BROTHER JUST SCREAMED "MEDS!" AND RAN HEADFIRST INTO MY ELBOW. HE THEN PROCEEDED TO FALL OFF THE SIDE OF THE BED AND SING THE FNAF THEME.

we then had to convince my mom to let me shitpost abt it on Tumblr.