Text Reads: "I've Been Trying So Hard To Stop Myself From Having These Episodes From This Condition For

Text reads: "I've been trying so hard to stop myself from having these episodes from this condition for so long now but today it REALLY needs to come out and I'm so scared of everything and everyone at the moment and I just need to dissappear into my head but I can't talk to you about it because you refuse to believe or even listen to me because you don't understand, and you don't want to understand, but you need to know that I physically cannot function right now".

Sorry, I know it's blurry aha

What do you do for a living

i try my best

Might just fucking end it (or try to, again). I don't have anyone to stay alive for anymore and they clearly didn't need me to begin with. I'm such an idiot to think I could ever be wanted, I'm completely alone again, there's nothing for me here

When someone catches me in the middle of a full on pacing, talking to myself, making facial expressions MaDD episode

I’m sorry I failed you. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough. I’m sorry for always being sad. I’m sorry for over sharing. I’m sorry for talking to much. I’m sorry for everything I did that you hated. I’m sorry for not trying to change myself sooner. Maybe if I had done that, you wouldn’t have left.

Double Bind is a situation where a victim is offered very few choices, and each choice will end up in victim getting hurt and abused.

Abusers then simply tell the victim it was their choice to get hurt.

Victim will live in conviction that being abused is their own fault and that they hold the control over it, that only if they chose a different option, reacted differently, gave a different answer, made a different move, they wouldn’t have gotten hurt.

It’s a clever and cruel lie. There was never any choice in the first place. Abusers would have damaged the victims no matter what choice was made. And then they would say “if you chose the other thing, this wouldn’t happen.”

It’s also a systematic training to lead the victims to always decide what abuser wants them to. It’s affecting all of the victim’s decisions because the victim knows instinctively not to choose something abuser wouldn’t be happy with. Then after they get exploited, used, humiliated, taken advantage of, tortured, and continually hurt, they’ll get thrown in their face it’s them who decided to take it, it’s them who decided to “let the abuser” do this.

There is no real consent. A victim does not have a choice. Any choice is an illusion to make them feel guilty, to force them to take responsibility for being abused. Nobody consents to being abused. Nobody “lets” someone abuse them. 

Abusers know this, they know the victim never had any choice, they don’t want victims to know this, they want victims to blame themselves forever for abuser’s actions, and for suffering a psychological torture that compromised their ability to make decisions for their own benefit, and were forced to make it for abuser’s benefit. Every time a victim is forced to make a decision for the abuser’s benefit, they get hurt, they lose some of their integrity and ability to nurture and value themselves, every decision that benefits the abuser hurts the victim, the decisions that didn’t result in obvious abuse are still hurting the victim in subtle, passive ways victim will not be able to acknowledge, because they feel they made that decision. They didn’t. It was made for them. They didn’t even get a say. And then they were blamed for it. That’s what abuse of power looks like. You have no say, no way of making your decisions, no actual choice, abused no matter what you do or say, and then blamed for the entire thing.