Im So Sick Of Transandrophobia & Enbyphobia Istg.

I’m so sick of transandrophobia & enbyphobia istg.

I’m so sick of trans “advocates” leaving transmascs and nonbinary folks like myself out of conversations.

I’m so sick of us ONLY sometimes being brought up in convos when it’s about getting pregnant/the ability to get pregnant, or only being brought up as a “gotcha” in the bathroom debate. By “gotcha” I mean when people say “well, you don’t want transmascs in the women’s, do you?”

I’m sick of talks about abortion & birth control being solely centered around cisgender women when I’m directly affected, too. I’m sick of them being called “women’s rights” when they’re MY rights, too.

I’m sick of people speaking on my chest size like I can control it & I’m sick of transmasc bodies being mocked and policed.

I’m sick of being the first transmasc/nonbinary person most people have met.

I’m sick of the fear mongering around T.

I’m sick of the side effects of T being mocked or treated as “gross.”

I’m sick of being forced into the binary as a “confused trans man” & being told I don’t understand my own gender.

I’m sick of getting tips to “be more feminine” in my transition.

"They (suspiciously leaving out that 'they' are transmascs) are saying men are oppressed, and that misandry is real!", is such a bad faith oversimplification of what transmascs are trying to say, that I'd categorize it into 'lie' territory, but technically, on a purely semantic level, trans men are perhaps the only group who are specifically oppressed FOR being men lol. Like, if I wasn't a man I wouldn't experience transphobia, because I wouldn't be trans if I wasn't a man. Transgender man. FtM. What's not clicking.

can we like…get rid of the so-called leather and rubber “pride flags” ? it’s honestly ridiculous and offensive to the lgbtq community. those aren’t pride flags. 

Friendship :3

I don't know if y'all noticed but these two both like reading! Which gave me an idea for a little library hanging out. This background took way too long and I couldn't be bothered to draw more books (sorry lol) but I'm proud of it

Black Holes: A metaphorical view of Trauma in Dissociative Identity Disorder. Part 1

Written by Olive. This is a personal and educational post.

This post covers in more detail why new dissociative identities may be formed in adulthood and define integration in terms of the end-goal treatments for DID.

When trying to understand the complexities of life, metaphors are very powerful tools to visulise our experiences. We find many aspects of Black Holes can be an analogy for the way trauma interacts in the lives of individuals with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). In this post, we will explore the anatomy of black holes and explain how we relate each aspect to our lives, whilst providing an educational light on the disorder’s realities. 

Singularity.

At the centre of every Black hole is a point known as the singularity. This point is considered to be where all the mass of the black hole is centred under infinite density. When something passes the event horizon of the black hole, it will travel inwards towards the singularity.

At the heart of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) lies chronic, severe childhood trauma. We envision this trauma as a singularity, events from which all experiences are affected and the initial formation of alters. Even alters formed later may stem from this foundational trauma. The trauma is deeply stored within us like an infinitely concentrated source of pain. It disrupted our childhood integration, leading to remaining fragmented, and continues to hinder integration efforts today. 

The Event Horizon.

Past the event horizon, considered the boundary that defines the black hole, the escape velocity required to overcome the gravitational force of the black hole is greater than the speed of light. This means nothing can escape from a black hole, not even light. 

Trauma is not always visible, it can be mental, emotional, or even physical and does not leave a lasting effect on the body. This can be reflected by the fact that light cannot escape from a black hole therefore it cannot be seen and is only observed from objects around it. Victims may not be believed if they do not have “physical evidence” on their body but evidence of trauma can be seen from the history of the environment around them. 

The event horizon of a black hole can be likened to the window of tolerance for individuals with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Once something breaches this threshold, causing overwhelming stress or trauma, it can lead to fragmentation in the brain. It's crucial to understand that the nature of these experiences can vary greatly. They can be as seemingly insignificant as a photon of light or as impactful as an entire planet. Similarly, some black holes may exist near planets without consuming them, reflecting how different individuals respond differently to potential trauma.

This metaphor illustrates how anything can be traumatic for a system, potentially causing a split later in life. The severity of the trauma does not need to match that of the initial childhood trauma for it to cause further disturbances in integration. Everyone has a unique window of tolerance, which is why not everyone with severe childhood trauma develops DID, but all individuals with DID have experienced chronic severe childhood trauma. 

This can result in systems having dissociative identities that are very specific, such as being the only one to handle money, or whose whole role is to complete a mundane task of life, such as being the one to take a shower or hoovering because this may for some reason overwhelm an individual, such as the fact it is repetitive or it could be overstimulating. Even the thought of being in a situation that could reactivate traumatic memories can cause the brain to split, such as dreading a visit to a family member, this shows examples of fragmentation being a defensive mechanism because the individual will now be able to handle the situation and did not need to be retraumatised for the brain to become aware that the current system is overwhelmed by this task. This conceptual framework is supported by the work of Van der Hart, Nijenhuis, and Steele (2006) in “The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization”, where they discuss patients developing new dissociative identities in adulthood and the theory that later in life structural dissociation becomes a mental defense tool, despite beginning from traumatisation. 

Hawking Radiation.

As is also presented in the work of Hawking (2018) in “Brief Answers to the Big Questions”, in quantum theory, space is filled with matter and antimatter pairs, such as a proton and an antiproton, that spontaneously appear, collide, and then annihilate each other. If this spontaneous appearance occurs near the event horizon of a black hole, the matter particle can either fall in or escape and appear to be radiated by the black hole. Theoretically, the anti-particle is traveling backward in time so if the anti-particle falls into the black hole this can also be a way it loses mass. As the anti-particle travels it will eventually in time reach where it first appeared and then travel forward in time because the gravitational field scatters it. This process is known as Hawking radiation, and it explains how black holes dissipate over time and why the very first black holes formed in the universe are no longer present. 

The process of Hawking radiation can be likened to the slow yet significant role of processing trauma. To be effective, it must proceed at a pace an individual can handle, and it may never feel certain when a breakthrough in trauma recovery will occur. However, it brings hope that healing from the trauma that caused DID and its symptoms is possible. Through therapy, dissociative parts can become more integrated, meaning they will have a greater connection of memories without amnesic barriers and better communication. This can lead to either functional multiplicity, where all integrated parts work together while maintaining multiple dissociative identities, or final fusion, where all dissociative identities fuse into a single, unified personality. A clear distinction between fusing dissociative identities and integrating them is further supported in the work of Llyod (2023) in “Integration and Fusion in DID/OSDD: Part Two”, which verifies my use of the word ‘integration’.

Written by Olive. This is a personal and educational post.

Bibliography

Van der Hart O, Steele K, Nijenhuis E. The Haunted Self : Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization. W.W. Norton; 2006.

Lloyd M, The CTAD Clinic. Integration and Fusion in DID/OSDD: Part Two. YouTube. Published December 17, 2023.

Hawking S. Brief Answers to the Big Questions. Hachette UK; 2018.

happy pride month if you call a trans woman dude or bro and insist its gender neutral when she expresses discomfort i hope you explode