System Community - Tumblr Posts

sometimes i fear that it is i that is the "voice commenting on [one's] actions,"

i talk to this vague individual and describe to them everything, (and even describe it usually in the past tense).

i've often felt like i just came and replaced whoever was here before.

does anyone else feel like they werent the original person in their body and that they replaced whoever was before them or is it just me.

This is a good take Mostly™️

My one qualm is I feel like maybe either I or OP don’t grasp the same concept of system accountability

To me this means taking account for when shit hits the fan

With singlets I imagine this to be like not being sober and saying something unintentionally hurtful or doing something and regretting it later after realizing you were just hungry/tired/depressed

With systems it’s “hey I know objectively *I* didn’t do a shitty thing but I know (or may not know but know it happened that) *alter* did and since we share a body it is still *my* responsibility to apologize/try and reconcile for hurting someone”

At least to us, again I could be wrong, but system accountability isn’t like, “CONTROL YOUR ALTERS!” “THAT ALTER SPECIFICALLY HAS TO APOLOGIZE!”

Because yeah like OP said it’s not always that clean cut.

Everything else though, 10/10

TLDR; agree with OP but want to add mental illness isn’t an excuse to be a shitty person/ not try and reconcile for the hurt the body may have caused

Here’s some possibly harsher truths about systems/trauma survivors that people need to think about (like, I’m begging you guys, holy hell)!

System accountability is actually not the most important concern that it’s being made out to be. And, lack of system accountability is not a red flag or indicator of someone being a generally bad person (as parts or as a “whole”). I know this seems to be hard for a lot of people to grasp, but it’s true. A system is a system due to barriers and lack of cohesion between parts.

Not being able to control all your parts and do things such as fully grasp system accountability is much more normal than people here will have you believe. As is it having different meaning to different people.

Seriously, go learn about some DID/OSDD systems away from tumblr. Go spend some time with another really traumatized person in real life. Go read about systems who didn’t learn about themselves until later on in life. Anything that will help you understand how much more complicated it is.

There are people who don’t fully understand being “parts of a whole” and still view themselves as multiple/separate people. This also is not inherently bad, a red flag, a sign of not wanting to get better, etc. This is normal of a covert mental illness that is literally meant to hide things from you.

It’s very unrealistic to expect anyone to know and/or understand enough about their system to truly understand all their parts, why they behave the way they do, and how to handle it. Especially if you are young, newly discovered, have a very large system, have “more severe” trauma, etc.

It is very unrealistic to expect people with brains damaged by childhood trauma to be able to show up to some of the standards people try to enforce here. It is called a mental disability for a reason - your brain is literally disabled and incorrectly developed.

People showing their less palatable symptoms needs to be more accepted. I don’t care if it’s not pretty, or hard to see, it’s the fucking truth of being a trauma survivor. Trauma is not pretty, and neither is what comes out of it. It is ugly, chaotic, harsh, painful, etc. And being able to show and embrace that fact is not only okay, but honestly even healthy.

Sometimes it’s not only about healing and recovery. Sometimes it’s about the bad days, alters with negative thoughts and views, mistakes and flaws and accepting that you went through trauma and it did indeed fuck you up.

Stop trying to make fucking trauma survivors hide themselves and their flaws even in the one safe space they have.

Introduction post —

★ system name : the moths nest

★ collective name(s) : moth or bug

★ collective pronouns : he/it/they/xe

★ collective terms : masc , neu & non human

★ alter terms : pupmates , headmates , alters or parts

★ system terms : system or plural

Before you Interact —

★ we have about 500+ pupmates

★ we are a C-DID / polyfragmented system

★ we are pretty sure we have NPD and AvPD with BPD & ASPD traits

★ we may need tone tags sometimes

★ we take criticism as an attack, so if you're going to criticise us please try be as kind as possible because it's hard for us to tell the difference between criticism and insults

Do not interact —

★ endos or pro endos

★ trans-ID or pro trans-ID

★ narc-abuse believers (or any other disordered abuse)

★ those who believe in "doubles"

★ anti recovery IRLs / DAs (we experience delusions and you are not helping)

★ you don't believe in trasnandrophobia

★ basic DNI

Black Holes: A metaphorical view of Trauma in Dissociative Identity Disorder. Part 1

Written by Olive. This is a personal and educational post.

This post covers in more detail why new dissociative identities may be formed in adulthood and define integration in terms of the end-goal treatments for DID.

When trying to understand the complexities of life, metaphors are very powerful tools to visulise our experiences. We find many aspects of Black Holes can be an analogy for the way trauma interacts in the lives of individuals with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). In this post, we will explore the anatomy of black holes and explain how we relate each aspect to our lives, whilst providing an educational light on the disorder’s realities. 

Singularity.

At the centre of every Black hole is a point known as the singularity. This point is considered to be where all the mass of the black hole is centred under infinite density. When something passes the event horizon of the black hole, it will travel inwards towards the singularity.

At the heart of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) lies chronic, severe childhood trauma. We envision this trauma as a singularity, events from which all experiences are affected and the initial formation of alters. Even alters formed later may stem from this foundational trauma. The trauma is deeply stored within us like an infinitely concentrated source of pain. It disrupted our childhood integration, leading to remaining fragmented, and continues to hinder integration efforts today. 

The Event Horizon.

Past the event horizon, considered the boundary that defines the black hole, the escape velocity required to overcome the gravitational force of the black hole is greater than the speed of light. This means nothing can escape from a black hole, not even light. 

Trauma is not always visible, it can be mental, emotional, or even physical and does not leave a lasting effect on the body. This can be reflected by the fact that light cannot escape from a black hole therefore it cannot be seen and is only observed from objects around it. Victims may not be believed if they do not have “physical evidence” on their body but evidence of trauma can be seen from the history of the environment around them. 

The event horizon of a black hole can be likened to the window of tolerance for individuals with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Once something breaches this threshold, causing overwhelming stress or trauma, it can lead to fragmentation in the brain. It's crucial to understand that the nature of these experiences can vary greatly. They can be as seemingly insignificant as a photon of light or as impactful as an entire planet. Similarly, some black holes may exist near planets without consuming them, reflecting how different individuals respond differently to potential trauma.

This metaphor illustrates how anything can be traumatic for a system, potentially causing a split later in life. The severity of the trauma does not need to match that of the initial childhood trauma for it to cause further disturbances in integration. Everyone has a unique window of tolerance, which is why not everyone with severe childhood trauma develops DID, but all individuals with DID have experienced chronic severe childhood trauma. 

This can result in systems having dissociative identities that are very specific, such as being the only one to handle money, or whose whole role is to complete a mundane task of life, such as being the one to take a shower or hoovering because this may for some reason overwhelm an individual, such as the fact it is repetitive or it could be overstimulating. Even the thought of being in a situation that could reactivate traumatic memories can cause the brain to split, such as dreading a visit to a family member, this shows examples of fragmentation being a defensive mechanism because the individual will now be able to handle the situation and did not need to be retraumatised for the brain to become aware that the current system is overwhelmed by this task. This conceptual framework is supported by the work of Van der Hart, Nijenhuis, and Steele (2006) in “The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization”, where they discuss patients developing new dissociative identities in adulthood and the theory that later in life structural dissociation becomes a mental defense tool, despite beginning from traumatisation. 

Hawking Radiation.

As is also presented in the work of Hawking (2018) in “Brief Answers to the Big Questions”, in quantum theory, space is filled with matter and antimatter pairs, such as a proton and an antiproton, that spontaneously appear, collide, and then annihilate each other. If this spontaneous appearance occurs near the event horizon of a black hole, the matter particle can either fall in or escape and appear to be radiated by the black hole. Theoretically, the anti-particle is traveling backward in time so if the anti-particle falls into the black hole this can also be a way it loses mass. As the anti-particle travels it will eventually in time reach where it first appeared and then travel forward in time because the gravitational field scatters it. This process is known as Hawking radiation, and it explains how black holes dissipate over time and why the very first black holes formed in the universe are no longer present. 

The process of Hawking radiation can be likened to the slow yet significant role of processing trauma. To be effective, it must proceed at a pace an individual can handle, and it may never feel certain when a breakthrough in trauma recovery will occur. However, it brings hope that healing from the trauma that caused DID and its symptoms is possible. Through therapy, dissociative parts can become more integrated, meaning they will have a greater connection of memories without amnesic barriers and better communication. This can lead to either functional multiplicity, where all integrated parts work together while maintaining multiple dissociative identities, or final fusion, where all dissociative identities fuse into a single, unified personality. A clear distinction between fusing dissociative identities and integrating them is further supported in the work of Llyod (2023) in “Integration and Fusion in DID/OSDD: Part Two”, which verifies my use of the word ‘integration’.

Written by Olive. This is a personal and educational post.

Bibliography

Van der Hart O, Steele K, Nijenhuis E. The Haunted Self : Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization. W.W. Norton; 2006.

Lloyd M, The CTAD Clinic. Integration and Fusion in DID/OSDD: Part Two. YouTube. Published December 17, 2023.

Hawking S. Brief Answers to the Big Questions. Hachette UK; 2018.

Not to make anyone worry, but saying you're a CDD system can make you a target for abusers and bullying.

By stating you're a system

You're disclosing that you went through debilitating trauma at a young age

You're disclosing that you may act like a young child in certain situations, and that child may not know, or understand certain acts

You disassociate to a level where we do not know what was done by/to the collective body

You're telling people that you may have patches of amnesia, disorientation, and where you may split under pressure

Many systems have issues with self harm, suicidal thoughts, substance use disorders and unfortunately, many abusers will take advantage of this

Systems, due to their amnesiac nature, are very easy to gaslight, often by saying that a different part/alter did or didn't do something

But Kyle! What can I do about it?!?

Choose, very carefully, who you tell that you have a system. We try not to tell new people in our life until we're fully trusting that they won't take advantage of the knowledge of the system. Even then, we can count on one hand how many of our in person friends and family are aware of our system.

Avoid linking social media, this includes discord, where you are 'out' about your system to other social media, especially around workplaces. Some workplaces, schools, universities and other places still hold stigma around DID (thank you, Split /s).

Be careful what you tell people about your system: keeping alter counts private, not giving out certain alter's names, using pseudonyms/symbols for alters are some of the ways we've done this. If someone we don't want to know about the system asks about an alter name, the majority of the time, we'll say that they're an OC.

Most people don't know what DID and OSDD are unless they have been in certain circles or happen to have an interest in it, so you are usually safe… but I always air on the side of caution.

Do what you wish with this list, I wanted to put these thoughts out there. Stay safe, feel free to reblog with more ways you keep your system safe.

Drink water, have something to eat, have your meds if you need them, use your mobility aids if you need them, and do something nice for yourself today.

With love,

System Dad (Kyle / 💜)

Hot take: If you are posting to r/systemcringe you're part of the problem

"but what if—"

No. Even if they're endogenic, claiming DID without evidence, being "weird", posting too specific flags, a LOT of people posted on r/systemcringe are minors and bullying minors still figuring themselves out is not okay.

And yes, this goes for "TikTok DID" too, even if they *are* faking, they're still people under all of the facades they've made and still deserve empathy (and educating). Anyone who fakes a disorder for clout has issues, and should be seen by a therapist, or kindly informed they're being inappropriate, not mocked to high hell.

"but they're damaging the system community!"

If it bothers you that much, speak to them, KINDLY reach out. don't be an asshole and go behind their backs and post them to a subreddit that gets off from mocking people.

"they're clearly faking!"

Have you done a psychological assessment on them? Mmm, no? Thought as much.

"yea but it's obvious-"

Okay fine, it's obvious in some cases, but do you want to be part of a problem too?

"but-"

....what did I say, it's never okay.

So many systems fear being authentic for fear of being posted upon this subreddit and that's not okay, people will always be assholes but you don't need to perpetuate it.

The only way to stop subs like r/systemcringe is to stop interacting with them.

AHHHH GUYS!!!

THANK YOU FOR EVERYONE WHO SUPPORTED ME THIS FAR I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! SO HAPPY DIDNT RELIAZE ITS BEEN 1 YEAR ALREADY!!!

omg hai 1) we r both angels,,, real,,, 2) one of my cats is named selkie !! & 3) i love beetles they r so shaped /pos

RAHHH YAYYYY!!! HAIII!!!

Real question ive been asked!

(for information purposes!)

the question asked : why are you so open abt being a system now?

well maybe its because ive known that i am one for almost a year, maybe its because i have wondered what was wrong with me sense i can remember (9-10) because of the "voices" in my head, maybe its because im (practically) therapist recognized now after she met a few of my alters?

only i dont know, however this was a good question because i have changed, when i first found out i could have been one i was scared. i thought my trauma wasnt enough (and i still dont sometimes) because i couldnt remember it or it was only emotional, but after awhile i accepeted it and who i was and what i most likely had. am i diagnosed yet? no. no im not. its because my family would deny it forever saying they didnt do that, however i know what i have and im not ashamed.

does it suck? hell yeah. some of my friends dont understand and say they wished they had it or say it must be fun and i dont understand what wording i should or what feels right sometimes, however i have to admit it to myself sooner or later.

i hope this gives more information!

Calling alters "alters, parts, headmates, peices": 🚫🚫🚫🚫

Calling alters: "those bitchass motherfuckers" ✅️✅️✅️

B33 < system rant (again, iknow, im sorry)

:33 < iknow i say im a system but in reality, idont even know if im a system. its more of a precaution than a statement. yes, im a system, but am i really ? everyday i feel as though im faking, and even though ihave little notes from when others were fronting, or proof of people interacting with my alters, its so daunting and just makes me feel like im faking. idont always switch. idont have an inner world as iam unable to see one and never will be. we dont have any communication, as we lack the feel/need to talk to eachother, we (most of us) arent friends, and we lack healthy relationships. yea, my trauma made me multiple people, but what if it actually didnt and iwas lying to myself ? its so overwhelming being a system. i worry im faking my system hood and actually just lying, but when i even see that ihave the notes from the others and the headmates talking with the folks iknow, it still just persistently feels like im faking. so yea, im a system. at least, ithink so. isay so. idont know though. take that as a warning, a precaution, a note, not an exact statement. just a little "watch out if idont sound like myself because im a system and my alters might be fronting so thats why iwont sound like myself !!" not a "yea, we're a system and iknow that for a fact !! we're really proud of it, and it is of much importance to us !!" so yea, here we sit. or i. idont know for a fact. am i a system ? am i ? am i really.

I found so funny everytime a non human of our sys says "I'm otherkin" and we're like "bro you're already non human 😭"

Like mostly they talk about fronting experiences with their otherkins, and the most interesting things is that they're kins aren't based on their inner appearances lol

My personal hot take

The CDD community is so focused in the alters part of the dissorder that it became bullshit and some kind of annoying, the community ignoring all the things outside alters and trauma is the reason why CDD community can't be taken seriously by CDD systems that don't care about glorifying and making pretty the disorder

I'm bored, ask me question or send random submissions for us to answer

(Some things we'll just respond with a dot, this means we'll respond it one of our sideblogs)

Little answer to this questions!!

First question "What things do you think the CDD community should change because it can be harmful?"

I'll say almost everything, yeah, that fucked up is the CDD community, the fights, drama, immature people, there's a lot of shit going on. And when we get to the CDD part of the CDD community like 95% of the time is just alter talking and ignoring all the other things and symptoms surrounding the disorders

Like half of the bad things and shitty things that happens to the CDD community that isn't directly a thing made by and for them in terms of harm it's, almost all the time, something they search for or an indirect result of their actions

Pretty shitty and fucked up in my opinion

First question part 2 "Do you think there's something that is important but ignored by it (The CDD community)?"

Yeah, pretty much all the things that doesn't involve alters and mentioning CDD is because of trauma

CDD community, just to let you known not everything around CDD is alters

[Special cut out, depends on the mood and later reaction to this post, maybe this first to questions are gonna be removed and put out in another sideblog, just to clarify]

Third question "Why are you all gays? /pf"

Cause being a basic straight cis is boring /pf

Fourth question "What's your opinion about the short time you have been blogging here?"

Pretty mixed tbh, the fist encounters and the mini drama that happened with endos was very annoying, but we didn't mind it that much outside the laughs

Also I'm surprised how I get noticed so fast in a short period of time, yeah ik I don't have a big name or I'm recognized but it's a pretty big jump go from nothing to almost 40 followers just in one of our blogs (This one)

Thx bro for asking us things when we asked lol /p

My favorite part about being a factive of someone who did shit to the system is when I talk shit about them and then someone ask my name, and when I told them the name I'm my source they normally end up "Oh-." cause for a bit of moment it's like someone talking shit about themselves

I'll never understand why people get angry when systems have a problematic alters with a problematic/anti-recovery way of coping, or act horrible

It's all a trauma response, it's all based on what they understand and know as a way of trying to live. It would be normal to have this kind of parts cause CDD it's a disorder caused by a severely traumatized kid, and if their environment is that horrible of course the kid won't know how to cope in healthy ways and problematic/anti-recovery/horribly bad alters will appear

Am I saying that this alters should front and do whatever they want without consequences because they're traumatized? Of course not!!

What I'm trying to say is don't invisivilize this alters, don't say like they're a horrible thing that shouldn't happen, don't stigmatize alters that are like that, they're like that for a reason, and try to ignore them and treat them bad is just going to make worst the process of healing for them and you

You should acknowledge this parts, recognize they do wrong but they also have to heal. There gonna be alters that don't want to heal and are gonna be a dick head trough the process, but that doesn't mean you won't include them in the healing process, just put them aside for another part

And is they do wrong or something nocive for the system, body or externals you have to take accountability and try to control that best, I know it's difficult and sometimes you can't control this parts, but taking accountability and trying to repair the damages they made it's a very important thing

Please, let's stop pretending like this kind of alters doesn't exist or if you know they exist stop treating them like someone who doesn't deserve healing, sometimes treating them worst because of what they are makes so much difficult or worst for them to acknowledge they're doing wrong and help them grow and heal

That's my opinion, have a nice day/night :D

Vent post

Why everytime a professional in mental health tells you something that you already know hit so fucking hard and makes me wanna cry?

In our today's session our psychologist told us "Yes... Those are post traumatic stress symptoms" and we knew, we are aware of that, but it fucking hurts so bad and when we heard it from her we felt so horrible and bad, like the body reacting bad when you hear something you shouldn't

We knew we have it, why does it hurts and feels so bad when

I only have 3 moods in the CDD community

More bored than ever because

Another fucking drama? /neu

This is why I hate the CDD community