Other Specified Dissociative Disorder - Tumblr Posts
Unpopular Opinion
Self-diagnosing is invalid.
It can spend false information and harm the people who actually have said disorder.
(Just look at the "endogenic systems".)
Can we stop with "This system/alter is [insert whatever]"? Not that many people have D.I.D.
And it’s mostly endogenic systems and twelve-years-olds that are using them.
Hello y’all! Gonna info-dump about a disorder I have now! (There’s a specific mutual that this is for and if you see thing you’ll know it’s you :D)
So I have P-DID, aka Partial-DID, aka Partial-Dissociative Identity Disorder
Before I can go more in depth about P-DID, first I need to explain regular DID, so
What Is DID? (Btw I’m not a professional so this is may be worded wrong but I’m trying my best)
DID is a dissociative disorder that forms when a child, roughly between the ages of 2-8 but those can have some wiggle room, goes through extreme and/or repetitive trauma. Basically, this disorder causes a split of the base identity into at least 2 distinct identities, but there can be any number of identities, or alters as I will refer to them from now on. A person with multiple alters is referred to as a system.
With DID, but not required of every system (there are other disorders that can cause systems, like OSDD and UDD) there are memory walls. The effect of these memory walls is to, well, block off memories between alters. The strength of the amnesia differs from system to system, with some not remember anything unless they are in front (or driving the car that is the body), while others can remember what other alters do crystal clear. Not only does the strength change from system to system, it can also change from alter to alter. Meaning that the wall between alters A and B might be strong and A won’t remember anything B does and vice verse, the wall between alter C and D could be thin or nonexistent so they share memories.
That’s the basics of DID, if anyone wants a more in depth explanation of that, or anything else in this post either, let me know and I’ll happily do so.
Now, what is P-DID?
P-DID is exactly like it sounds, Partial-DID. This means that some of the effects of the disorder are not as pronounced as regular DID. What does this mean?
It can, but doesn’t have to, mean little to no memory walls. It can, but doesn’t have to, mean less alters/less defined alters. It can, but doesn’t have to, mean that there is less switching of front (when alter A takes control of the body after alter B was out and vice versa).
What does that mean for my experience?
In my system, there is significantly less switching. Instead, 95% of the time me, the host (meaning the alter who is in front the majority of the time) is in front while the other 5% of the time a different alter is in front. Instead, the majority of the time I am usually co-con with someone else (co-con means co-conscious, when 2 or more alters are in the brain seat at the same time, or it could be both in the driving seat, or one in the driver one in the passenger ect. It means we are both conscious of the out side world at that moment).
It also means that between me and Most (not all) alters, there is very little memory wall. I remember the majority of what the others do when in front and vice versa.
It Also means that while we have a large number of known alters (and a probably larger number of unknown ((to me)) alters) most of them are fragments, or not as defined alters.
What is my experience like?
Like I said earlier, I am usually co-con with someone else. About 60% of the time, I am not alone in the front and 35% of the time I am (5% left for when I am not in front at all).
More over, in that 60% when I am co-con, about 30% of it is when someone else is in the driver seat instead of me, so I am left to watch what they do but not do it myself. I can give feed back and talk to them and such, but ultimately they are in control until I am back in the drivers seat.
I also experience little memory wall, when it comes to the front at least. There are only about 2 alters who I remember little to nothing when they front. This made it a bit difficult for me to even figure out I had the disorder since I had very few memory gaps. Instead, the memory wall that is there between most of the alters an I is an emotional memory wall.
For example, this means when I think about a trauma that I did not experience/it’s not my job to hold, I can remember what happened, sometimes in excruciating detail, but I do not feel the emotions connected to it. I can remember that we were upset or hurt or whatever during the event, but I do not feel anything for or from that event myself.
I only figured it out because I remembered a short period of time where I wasn’t the host, and instead someone of a completely different gender than me was. This, for pretty obvious reasons, led to me being confused and questioning it until eventually someone reached out and told me that yes, I was in fact part of a system. This took many months of questioning and even talking to a different system and asking questions before they finally told me.
How does having P-DID affect my day to day life?
Honestly? Not very much. Sometimes I’ll feel random emotions and be confused before I remember that there are others in my brain and it’s probably them, or I’ll have occasional bad memory and suddenly someone will tell me the thing I need to remember (or more often than not hear someone laugh at me for forgetting, the bastards).
Sometimes I’ll starts disassociating really hard and then suddenly someone else is moving our body and talking with our voice.
Another big way it affects me is that as it turns out I am a fictive. A fictive is an alter that is made based off of something that already exists, whether that’s a whole other person or a character from a book, game, movie, ect. This means that I Do Not match what the body looks like on the inside, this was another way I figured it out because everytime I looked in the mirror I would go “hey wait a minute, that’s not my face” before realizing that yes, it was in fact my face.
That’s the most of it for now, if anyone has any questions, or wants further explanation, you can either comment/reblog asking for that, or you can DM me directly :)
Thanks for reading, and for the one specific mutual I hope this helped in any way at all
You ever been thinking about something then *holy shit* cannon interaction between my head mates years before we knew we were a system ?
At least, years before I the host new, hence reblogging of this to make this post.
So me and some friends had a fictional superhero TV show just called "the series" and we had a character called Tsukuyomi (I think that's how it's spelled in English )
And he had the powers to duplicate himself and objects ditto (Ben ten) style and control shadows
And I remember he had a "shadow side" that he could tap into when he was really stressed that would make him more powerful but was really emotionally draining.
And I remember having to explain to my friends that the shadow side was not evil but merely misunderstood in its destructiveness and I was very insistent because I thought we were just projecting onto the character
And I remember creating a scene where in the void a child version of the character hugs the shadow side and tells him (shadow side) that he (child) accepts him (shadow side) and it was super sweet.
But now......I know that location. That's a spot within headspace
When I asked about this they both agreed !? Which means they both knew years before I did that we are plural. Although they didn't know the word at the time.
Cannon interaction between our trauma bearer and syskid 3 years before I knew, and in retrospect it's so obvious as well.
Truths & Myths: Pluralpedia Part 1
Welcome to our "Truths and Myths" series! In this series, we aim to debunk misconceptions and provide accurate information about Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). We will mainly focus on DID as it is the disorder we are most familiar with on both a personal and research basis.
Each post will highlight the accurate and inaccurate parts of each term, from the best of our research ability. Then, at the end, we will explain the full story of what DID actually is and provide our sources. We will be taking requests for terms anyone would like us to review. Otherwise, we will use random terms we find.
This first post is an exception to the random terms as we wanted to go over the formation of a DID system.
To develop Dissociative Identity Disorder, a child must experience overwhelming, severe, and repetitive trauma during their childhood. Having a dissociative disorder such as DID, PDID (ICD-11), or OSDD (DSMV) is the only way to have forms of dissociative identities.
As previously mentioned, DID can only be formed from trauma.
However, it has been suggested that individuals with a natural ability to dissociate or use dissociation as their primary response to trauma are more likely to develop DID. This innate ability allows them to reach a high level of dissociation and form dissociative identities. It is important to note that there is currently no confirmed link between this ability and the development of DID, but it is a proposed logical theory that would need more research.
Furthermore, certain biological factors can make an individual more susceptible to trauma, such as being born biologically female or being neurodivergent. For example, biological females are statistically more likely to experience s*xual abuse, which may have been the trauma they experienced as a child that led to the formation of their system.
Additionally, it is crucial to clarify that Dissociative Identity Disorder cannot be present at birth, and therefore, one can not be born with a system.
The theory of how personality is structured suggests that the personality comprises "modes" that contain cognitive, affective, behavioural, and physiological representations. These modes also represent a plan for encoding experiences and responding to internal and environmental demands.
For example, a person may have a "mother mode" activated when caring for a child, and this mode would have planned what care a child needs. However, the person will also have other modes, such as one associated with demands about their work or demands for defence in verbal ways. In a regular adult, all modes are connected to each other and are under a "conscious control system," which allows for an integrated self-state. This is why it may feel you have fluctuations in your personality or feel differently around your family than your friends. They are different modes, but importantly, they are all integrated together, unlike in an individual with DID.
DID occurs when this coupling process of modes is disrupted by dissociation caused by trauma. This results in smaller, more isolated pockets of modes, leading to multiple conscious control systems that represent different and discontinuous modes. Each of these systems has its own aspect of self, reflected by the modes within it.
One's I specifically used to write my explanation:
Though I suppose technically, in the way the theory is currently proposed, people who have DID never had a "singlet" phase. Otherwise, they would not have been able to form a system or develop DID.
Revisiting the etiological aspects of dissociative identity disorder: a biopsychosocial perspective. (Section under Dissociative Identities)
McLean Hospital. (Section under What is Dissociative Identity Disorder?)
Other external sources that also validate my claims but were not used specifically in the writing:
Cleveland Clinic. (Section under What causes Dissociative Identity Disorder)
The coupling process can be disturbed when a child tries to displace their thoughts, feelings, and emotions onto a “not me” in order to escape what they are experiencing and carry on with life and allows the child to remain for example creative or have a sense of humour even in very difficult circumstances. This leads to disconnected feelings and disorganised attachments to primary caregivers, which means the integration of modes is impossible.
NHS (Section under Causes of Dissociative disorder. It is important to note that this covers all dissociative disorders, not specifically DID)
Better Health Channel. (Section under Causes of Dissociative Disorders. It is important to note that this covers all dissociative disorders, not specifically DID)
Thank you for reading our first part to this series. Feel free to send us an echo to our page or leave in the comments any questions or suggestions for future parts to this series.
Made from the collaborative efforts of the system who run this blog.
Black Holes: A metaphorical view of Trauma in Dissociative Identity Disorder. Part 1
Written by Olive. This is a personal and educational post.
This post covers in more detail why new dissociative identities may be formed in adulthood and define integration in terms of the end-goal treatments for DID.
When trying to understand the complexities of life, metaphors are very powerful tools to visulise our experiences. We find many aspects of Black Holes can be an analogy for the way trauma interacts in the lives of individuals with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). In this post, we will explore the anatomy of black holes and explain how we relate each aspect to our lives, whilst providing an educational light on the disorder’s realities.
Singularity.
At the centre of every Black hole is a point known as the singularity. This point is considered to be where all the mass of the black hole is centred under infinite density. When something passes the event horizon of the black hole, it will travel inwards towards the singularity.
At the heart of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) lies chronic, severe childhood trauma. We envision this trauma as a singularity, events from which all experiences are affected and the initial formation of alters. Even alters formed later may stem from this foundational trauma. The trauma is deeply stored within us like an infinitely concentrated source of pain. It disrupted our childhood integration, leading to remaining fragmented, and continues to hinder integration efforts today.
The Event Horizon.
Past the event horizon, considered the boundary that defines the black hole, the escape velocity required to overcome the gravitational force of the black hole is greater than the speed of light. This means nothing can escape from a black hole, not even light.
Trauma is not always visible, it can be mental, emotional, or even physical and does not leave a lasting effect on the body. This can be reflected by the fact that light cannot escape from a black hole therefore it cannot be seen and is only observed from objects around it. Victims may not be believed if they do not have “physical evidence” on their body but evidence of trauma can be seen from the history of the environment around them.
The event horizon of a black hole can be likened to the window of tolerance for individuals with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Once something breaches this threshold, causing overwhelming stress or trauma, it can lead to fragmentation in the brain. It's crucial to understand that the nature of these experiences can vary greatly. They can be as seemingly insignificant as a photon of light or as impactful as an entire planet. Similarly, some black holes may exist near planets without consuming them, reflecting how different individuals respond differently to potential trauma.
This metaphor illustrates how anything can be traumatic for a system, potentially causing a split later in life. The severity of the trauma does not need to match that of the initial childhood trauma for it to cause further disturbances in integration. Everyone has a unique window of tolerance, which is why not everyone with severe childhood trauma develops DID, but all individuals with DID have experienced chronic severe childhood trauma.
This can result in systems having dissociative identities that are very specific, such as being the only one to handle money, or whose whole role is to complete a mundane task of life, such as being the one to take a shower or hoovering because this may for some reason overwhelm an individual, such as the fact it is repetitive or it could be overstimulating. Even the thought of being in a situation that could reactivate traumatic memories can cause the brain to split, such as dreading a visit to a family member, this shows examples of fragmentation being a defensive mechanism because the individual will now be able to handle the situation and did not need to be retraumatised for the brain to become aware that the current system is overwhelmed by this task. This conceptual framework is supported by the work of Van der Hart, Nijenhuis, and Steele (2006) in “The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization”, where they discuss patients developing new dissociative identities in adulthood and the theory that later in life structural dissociation becomes a mental defense tool, despite beginning from traumatisation.
Hawking Radiation.
As is also presented in the work of Hawking (2018) in “Brief Answers to the Big Questions”, in quantum theory, space is filled with matter and antimatter pairs, such as a proton and an antiproton, that spontaneously appear, collide, and then annihilate each other. If this spontaneous appearance occurs near the event horizon of a black hole, the matter particle can either fall in or escape and appear to be radiated by the black hole. Theoretically, the anti-particle is traveling backward in time so if the anti-particle falls into the black hole this can also be a way it loses mass. As the anti-particle travels it will eventually in time reach where it first appeared and then travel forward in time because the gravitational field scatters it. This process is known as Hawking radiation, and it explains how black holes dissipate over time and why the very first black holes formed in the universe are no longer present.
The process of Hawking radiation can be likened to the slow yet significant role of processing trauma. To be effective, it must proceed at a pace an individual can handle, and it may never feel certain when a breakthrough in trauma recovery will occur. However, it brings hope that healing from the trauma that caused DID and its symptoms is possible. Through therapy, dissociative parts can become more integrated, meaning they will have a greater connection of memories without amnesic barriers and better communication. This can lead to either functional multiplicity, where all integrated parts work together while maintaining multiple dissociative identities, or final fusion, where all dissociative identities fuse into a single, unified personality. A clear distinction between fusing dissociative identities and integrating them is further supported in the work of Llyod (2023) in “Integration and Fusion in DID/OSDD: Part Two”, which verifies my use of the word ‘integration’.
Written by Olive. This is a personal and educational post.
Bibliography
Van der Hart O, Steele K, Nijenhuis E. The Haunted Self : Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization. W.W. Norton; 2006.
Lloyd M, The CTAD Clinic. Integration and Fusion in DID/OSDD: Part Two. YouTube. Published December 17, 2023.
Hawking S. Brief Answers to the Big Questions. Hachette UK; 2018.
Food for Fangs: Unmasking Vampire Parts.
Personal and Educational Post.
Written by Blade.
The way dissociative identities present as individual parts reflects how trauma has affected the brain. Their traits stem from what was needed to protect against trauma or overcome stress. These traits or ways of perceiving the world may be disguised or interpreted by the brain in the presentation of different types of alters. This allows the individual to remain unaware of their trauma, as the brain may create a narrative that feels understandable and logical, reducing the likelihood of questioning these details. It may be the way the individual's brain allows itself to feel things the host personality was not allowed to during abuse.
However, there are many misconceptions about the way parts present in Dissociative Identity disorder. This series will cover non-human parts. This part 1 post is about Vampires, written by Blade, a vampire alter. This post will also primarily only cover parts when in executive control, as we feel discussing internal worlds is a different section more suited for the post of their own.
"Can vampire alters consume human food?"
This question often arises due to the misconception that vampire alters truly believe they are vampires trapped in a human body. However, this is not the case. While an alter may present as a vampire, they are still aware of their human biology. If an alter is unable to understand or realise their role within the system fully, it could result from high levels of dissociation, such as derealisation and depersonalisation. It is crucial to address and work through these issues, as allowing a trauma-based reaction to persist outside of the traumatic experience can be harmful.
Do they eat human food?
Depending on the role an alter has within the system, they may be required to consume food if they take executive control for an extended period. However, there may be trauma associated with food, and this discomfort may manifest through the vampire alter. Some may have the role of holding these feelings to prevent others from experiencing them, as it may cause less distress for them as a vampire who does not have an innate connection to the concept of consuming food. This is what my part did, I was disgusted at the idea of food and I only began to feel normal hunger after some therapy focused on my individual. This was also not questioned by other members of the system because it felt normal that a vampire would not want to eat human food or find it repulsive.
But aren’t Vampires always hungry?
Although not all vampire alters are hungry all the time, this could be another trait of protection that is allowed through a vampire part. As discussed by Howell EF (2011) in “Understanding and Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder”, a non-human part may form a protective state that is allowed to express an emotion or feeling that the host part is unable to. Expressing hunger or being allowed to feel hungry may be something that the individual was not allowed to do so the brain displaced that feeling onto a part suited for that position of dealing with that pain, or the child/adult experiencing more trauma related that feeling as being like a vampire.
“Vampire Alters crave blood”
This relates to the point I made earlier: vampire alters are not actual vampires from mythology, so they do not crave blood. However, there may be aspects of their role that give the impression they crave blood. This could include being around procedures involving blood, being around mentions of blood, or being tasked with clearing a wound if it occurs. In the mind of a child or an adult experiencing additional trauma, a vampire would be the most suitable alter for this role, as they would naturally be comfortable around blood. However, to a part that is unaware of this trauma, or even to the vampire alter themselves, they may feel them being around as an impression that they crave blood like in myths. A vampire alter may also be assumed to crave blood if they happen to also be a persecutor who causes physical harm that results in blood.
A person's craving to drink blood, known as Clinical Vampirism, is a rare condition that has been documented through case studies. However, it is often associated with a delusion or as part of mental health conditions such as schizophrenia. But, there was a case study on a man who suffered from vampirism and was later diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). His violent tendencies, stemming from his vampirism, manifested through his other identity, leading outsiders to believe that his dissociative identity was a real vampire as an alter. This perpetuates the misconception that vampire alters are always like their mythical counterparts. However, the introduction of the case report clearly states that there is no established link between vampirism and DID, and they should be treated as separate conditions. This case study serves to show that vampirism is possible in patients with DID even if DID did not cause the vampirism. We have included the case study in our bibliography to provide sources, but we must issue a trigger warning for extreme violence, SH, su*cide, and trauma of all ages. Additionally, the use of the r slur in the introduction should be noted as it may be offensive and we do not agree with the use of the word. We will have linked more reading on the topic including other case studies of people with schizophrenia and one study that talks about the different levels/types of vampirism documented. All the same trigger warnings apply.
Although vampires do not have an inherent desire to drink blood, some may find comfort in consuming red foods. This may serve as a way for their brain to establish safe foods and comfort through this alter without it seeming out of place or may have been the brain thinking the only way the individual would be able to consume these foods was if they were a vampire and hence the trait is given to the vampire alter. In my own recovery, addressing my relationship with food was important. I eventually discovered that my comfort food was tomatoes, and I found it easier to consume foods like Gazpacho, which is in liquid form. This allowed me to find comfort in eating while also embracing my vampire identity because it felt like a natural progression towards something more positive, as it also involved addressing past trauma but brought comfort too in being a non-human part.
This post serves as an important reminder that DID is a trauma disorder so everything about an individual will be shaped by trauma. It is not a fantasy or roleplay in which dissociative identities are made or exist by.
Bibliography
Howell EF. Understanding and Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder. Routledge; 2011.
Sakarya D, Gunes C, Ozturk E, Sar V. Vampirism in a Case of Dissociative Identity Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics. 2012;81(5):322-323. doi:https://doi.org/10.1159/000335930
O’Brien C, Hallahan B. Delusions of Vampirism in an Adolescent and Treatment with Clozapine: a Case Report. Cureus. Published online October 2, 2023. doi:https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.46352
Halevy A, Levi Y, Shnaker A, Orda R. Auto-vampirism--an Unusual Cause of anaemia. Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine. 1989;82(10):630-631. Accessed July 25, 2024. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1292349/?page=2
Hervey WM, Catalano G, Catalano MC. Vampiristic Behaviors in a Patient with Traumatic Brain Injury Induced Disinhibition. World Journal of Clinical Cases. 2016;4(6):138. doi:https://doi.org/10.12998/wjcc.v4.i6.138
References 3-5 are the extra case studies referenced in the post.
Written by Blade.
This is a personal and educational post.
Truths and Myths: Pluralpedia Part 4, Alter Roles.
This is an educational post.
Written by 🤍. (Temporary emoji placeholder)
And at the same time
A part that is designed to hold trauma, known as an emotional part, may remain stuck at the age when the trauma occurred. This can be part of the process in which the individual part repeatedly relives the trauma or unconsciously reenacts it in their actions when taking executive control, even though the trauma has ended but they are unaware. As a result, they are unable to age past the age of the trauma. Later in therapy, trauma can be processed and this can relieve that part from their need to be fixed in time
Further discussed in Van der Hart, Nijenhuis, and Steele’s book (2006) “The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization”. The authors disscuss a patient whose child emotional part would reenact situations from the trauma in an attempt to prevent it from happening again. Additionally, they discuss that some emotional parts can experience severe nonrealisation therefore that part may literally experience themselves as being the age they are stuck at, in the book this is used in context of child parts.
According to the NHS (2024) website on eating disorders, there are many potential causes for them, including various traumas. An individual experiencing an eating disorder or in recovery may also experience trauma or stress, on a psychological, physical, and social level. As a result, an alter may split due to the eating disorder as parts are fragmented due to trauma. This alter may serve as a protective/caretaker part, ensuring the survival of the body, but it may also be a part that has split off due to denial of the eating disorder. This part may be used by the brain to hide the parts of the individual that are heavily affected by the trauma of the eating disorder. This can also allow the affected parts to recover at their own pace, as they are aware that the body will be fine. However, this alter may also serve as an unhelpful crutch, causing other parts to believe that they do not need to recover or are not ready to do so. In reality, it is crucial for all parts to recover in order to aid in trauma healing and move towards a more sustainable life. Relying too heavily on one part can result in their exhaustion as they will be using their available resources to focus and take care of the needs of others. If this is their only role, it may result in a lack of self-awareness of their own needs, making it difficult for them to meet them. This point is supported by Van der Hart, Nijenhuis, and Steele's book (2006) "The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization" when discussing caretaker parts in systems. It is important to allow a part to take a break, otherwise they may begin to dread their role or task, leading to unpleasant or even stressful experiences. Therefore, it is necessary for parts to have the capability to share responsibility for tasks, even if only for a short time, to give the main part a chance to rest, another reason why recovery for those parts heavily affected should be encouraged. This idea and self-care is discussed more in W AT’s book “Got Parts: An Insider’s Guide to Managing Life Successfully with Dissociative Identity Disorder”.
The term "called out" may refer to this alter being triggered when food is present or is brought out when a part is triggered by food, allowing it to take control of the situation. Alternatively, it may refer to the switching technique learnt in therapy, where communication between alters is improved to the point where one alter can reach out and ask another to take control. However, this is a complex skill, as it is considered, to master and there will always be a risk of failure, so it cannot be guaranteed to work every time. Based on this, it can be assumed that the term refers to the act of this alter stepping into either calm or avoid a trigger.
Van der Hart O, Steele K, Nijenhuis E. The Haunted Self : Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization. W.W. Norton; 2006.
NHS. Overview - Eating Disorders. NHS. Published 2021. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/eating-disorders/overview/
W AT. Got Parts? : An Insider’s Guide to Managing Life Successfully with Dissociative Identity Disorder. Loving Healing Press; 2005.
Echoes in the Multiverse . Echoes in the Multiverse. Tumblr. Published June 16, 2024. Accessed August 2, 2024. https://www.tumblr.com/echoes-in-the-multiverse/753468998583271424/what-is-switching-technique-in-your-last-post-you?source=share
Bibliography link 4 is to a post we made discussing more about the Switching technique and the resources we used to write that post and expand our own knowledge we gained in therapy.
DID systems 🤝 Hydras 🤝 being traumatised and splitting another one to cope
We made something we're super proud of today, I just have to be careful posting it online as it's for our final design assignment
...the green guy in the middle has my whole heart 🥺 grumpy sock puppet 🥺🥺🥺
Some of y'all really need to read up on the structural disassociation theory btw
Dissociative Identity Disorder/ Other Specified Dissociative Disorder
In October of 2022 watching Moon Knight because Cinema Therapy did a video about it saw a bit and was like well I have Disney plush and its Oscar Isaac, (Poe) so let’s watch it. Little did I know our life will change after that. I Alice don’t remember watching Moon Knight the first time or watching The Making of before watching the Series. The only think I Alice remember is episode 2 but it’s a 3rd person prospective. I remember right before and after watching the series and for 2 weeks having non stop panic attacks and not know why. Some of the thoughts I do remember like, “this happens to me all the time”, “Other people experience this” “I don’t have DID because I don’t have Amnesia but other than that it’s all relatable” “This is how I experience being Trans or having an OCD voice” (being Trans is real what I’m referring is the body looking like someone else and me thinking that’s what it meant to be Trans, only time feeling Dysphoria) and searching “Is it possible to have DID and no Amnesia” “Is it possible to be Autistic and have DID” “How Steven and Marc interacts with each other, well that’s too relatable” “Have to show this to my mom because I can finally explain what I experience” watching DID channels to look more into it and every video, every article, every post. The more and more I read, the more and more was like umm “So all those weird things that happens, and I don’t tell anyone even my therapist at that time because If I say it out loud what’s happing they will think I’m weird and the fact that we brushed it off all as having Autism, other people experience theses, what?” but still being like “I don’t have this because I don’t have Amnesia” (Later in November finding out OSDD-1b and still being like nah TW: my trauma isn’t that bad, now knowing more about it and being like that happened what ohh:) and in October started to look like Steven Grant and me being like “Well this is normal, It’s the phase where I look like someone else”, (because this happens with different people) it happened in July of 2022 with Neal Caffrey from White Collar, felt like was about to happen but didn’t (Now we understand that Steven is either was a Fragment that turned into an Alter as he was figuring out his identity or he was an Alter but didn’t really identify with a particular look yet and was trying figure himself out, because this reminds me especially of high school, well I couldn’t control what I was saying when getting excited (but now with a British Dialect, which I Alice can not control, or feeling things for guys but at the same time not since young) and it happened with Isaac Kalder in high school and he was the first Alter that I Alice was able to see and similar things happens with him, rewatching The Devil Inside and My Virtual Escape from McJuggerNuggets on YouTube later after knowing DID/OSDD being like “Oh my, did not realize, how much Isaac was Passive Influencing us” Literally how he talked, walked, songs that he listened to how he handled his depression or when someone triggered him. In 2019 I Alice feel bad about this now, threw all of the clothes that he bought (except one), stopped listening to songs that he liked, stoped watching TDI and MVE (even though gave us comfort) because was like every time I look like him. I’m sad, I feel dysphoric, I want to look like him, to the point I Alice was forgetting what the body looked like and forgot the body’s biological gender or forget that Alice is a thing, depression, which caused him to go dormant until 2021 where I started to hear him from the inside but with his voice) (Sorry🙁). and also TDI is like an accidental representation of DID because I remember now rewatching (the first time I Alice do not have those memories just remember right before and after, when TDI was out but not MVE, just like Steven absorbed those feelings) TDI when the split happened because a lot of stressful thing happened at that time, being like well I can relate to Jesse because he switches with his characters that he has from his childhood and can’t control what’s happening.
And in December still not think I have OSDD-1b but thinking maybe I’m just really autistic so I don’t understand my emotions at all, “Is there any similarities between TDI/MVE and Moon Knight” and the amount of things that are similar was like “wtf”, and later rewatching Moon Knight and getting told why they related to Moon Knight other than the DID symptoms and well yeah. The amount of things in Moon Knight that tides into our childhood is actually astounding especially Steven, which make sense, when watching a movies, series your brain lights up the same way as if it were happening, (TW: my leading theory before I knew this was a thing was, the stuff that happened when younger that’s how we reacted, felt and those same brain frequencies were getting turned on:)
Difference and similarities
btw there are other Alters just talking about Isaac and Steven and well Alice/Ashla.
Isaac Kalder
Similarity: Identifies like 90% with his source
Difference: His age is 19 and the source he’s 18, I think it’s because I Alice always wanted an older brother and now the body is 19 so he’s like a month older, I always saw him as an older brother even before knowing about the System)
Steven
Similarity: Identifies with the look, name, dialect, how he carries himself, body cadence, just more romantic (finding these thing along the way being like why do you do that, I guess that’s a different thing from your source that’s cool and rewatching it being like oh that’s where that quality cam from)
Difference: He’s more like Episode 5 when Steven (MCU) is comforting Marc and now he’s more confident in himself, basically after Season 1. It’s like instead of (TW warning: the trauma that happened to Marc, Steven and Jake it’s replaced with what happened to us. also he’s a Subsystem (For us an Alter in a Alter) mostly because of flashback that happened fair recently and yeah, all those flashback kind of went to Steven and he kind of split with Llewyn Davis from Inside Llewelyn Davis, that was confusing when it was happening, now Steven is more bi they kind of passive influence each other sometimes but when triggered Steven kind of goes inside and Llewyn kind of comes out. DEPRESSION, Steven and Llewyn are kinda figure things with Isaac where if Llewyn feels more the same way which when the split happened Llewyn did absorb the liking guys thing more:) (our Steven is more Romantic I guess the feeling of love)
Alice/Ashla (Biological Female but doesn’t really identify with that mostly so I guess I’m Non-Binary, still figure things out, I do like woman though no question about that)
Love Star Wars and Moon Knight and Disney and McJuggerNuggets content. It’s rare for me to feel like Alice but when I do it feels weird, higher voice etc so kind of go by Ashla just like that name mostly because it’s a SW thing.
It make sense that we have a lot of fictives, Autism and because of it have hard time connecting with people and understand peoples actions and only able to relate, and understand fictional characters, or since younger only having emotional comfort from fictional characters, and love everything about film from filming it, acting, voice acting editing, sound design and want to do those things we want to do, we all like different aspects of the Film process
Consent forms:
Alice/Ashla: I agree to publish this
Steven/Llewyn: Yeah sure. We agree to this s***
Isaac: Okay
Photo from Pexeles App - Artist Lisa Fotios
Question for other Systems :)
I’m not sure if this is just Us but when We do relaxing things like read a book, nature videos, fidget toys. We tend to, most of the time, even dissociate more.
Like it helps Us come out of Hyperarousal easily but then it kinda goes the opposite faster I guess to Hypoarousal
Source Memories | Introjects 🖤
This is what We try to think with Source Memories Canon or Non-Canon.
A little spoiler for My Virtual Escape but basically the whole thing was a Virtual Reality Simulation and Jesse the person who plays Isaac and is the Director talks about how yes all those things weren’t real they didn’t really happen but it still happened in his mind those emotions are still real so he has to live with them and talking about Us the viewer learning from the experience of the characters simulated life that We may learn from it, like source memories we can learn from them and for us those connection usually connects to this body’s experience and working through that. So no matter what type of Source you come from learn from it, accept it.
Video
RiDGiD STUDiOS “My Virtual Escape” Season 4 (Behind-the-Scenes) PART 2
McJuggerNuggets
Saw it Love it💖 and Happy May the 4th💫 and 2 Year Anniversary of Moon Knight🌙 S1:E6 !!!
5/04/2024
This Video Helped Us Hope it helps You Guys Too☺️
5/09/2024
It’s so cool because My Mom well recently We’ve been way more open to Our outside Mom. Telling her mostly all about Us and watching Moon Knight her 3rd time but now telling her about each of Us. It’s so nerve racking but little by little it’s easier and that makes it so we can be more our selves in the house and helping my mom understand more of the dissociation side of it like we don’t really get full amnesia but do get grey outs a lot and so telling her that’s why sometimes my Japanese 🇯🇵 language kinda goes down and other times I can talk a lot in Japanese. Telling her the similarities and the difference between the screen and us. It is kinda of awkward 😬 when something emotional is happening on the screen because broo feel it but that’s also the process of being more open 😊 and We thank Jesus to helping us being more open to mom. Also she got us vegan and gluten free muffin we had it a bit ago but love having it again 😆
5/11/2024
What to Learn more about Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) Other Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Check Out The Playlist That We Made and adding more.
5/12/2024
7/19/2024 Recently we’ve been trying to make a Inner world meeting room it’s getting there but have to do it constantly to make an affect.
OMYGOD WaIT WHILE IM HERE (because im never here)
we found this really really awesome website for systems the other day and we started using it, it's called lighthouse and you can start stuff up super easy cause you can upload your system straight from pluralkit or somply plural! There's like mapping features and journaling features, and it's got a good template for alter information--overall just seems super great and useful.
-Monet
