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I need help finding an azriel fic.

I hasn’t finished it and when I left the app it just disappeared.

It’s an enemies to lovers where the reader is a healer and specialises in healing Illyrian wings. At some point azriel and reader have to fly together to Windhaven. The last part i read was when Morrigan and Cassian came to Readers house after reader had hooked up with someone they met at Rita’s.

The fic also switches between first person readers pov and third person azriel pov.

OH MY GOD!!!!

It's been days since I have been here and I come back to this masterpiece. Azriel deserves the world.

This is so cute and fluffy Azriel definitely melted when we kissed his knuckles. ❤❤❤

One of those days

Azriel x reader

summary: it is one of those days when Azriel needs a little extra love from his mate after coming back from a mission.

warnings: none!

authors note: I attempted to write a diabetes-inducing fic like @writingsbychlo so I hope you like it! And this fic is for the biggest Azriel fangirl @azrielhours for being literally the best human being on this planet and helping me numerous times with assignments and for listening to my endless rants about god knows what. The list goes on and I don’t think this expresses how grateful I am for her but I hope you like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Three hours past dinner, you sat at the table, going over some paperwork for Rhys. You had been expecting Azriel back from a mission but there were no telltale signs of your mate’s arrival yet. The chicken pot pie, his favourite, sat out in front of you, forgotten in favour of getting some work done to kill the time.

Now, three hours past dinner, heavy footsteps thudded against the wooden porch, groaning under the weight of the tall Illyrian making his way to the front door. You stood up from your chair, making your way to the foyer. The sound of a door opening and closing echoed throughout the house before you were met with the sight of your exhausted mate, toeing off his boots.

With a small smile, you made your way over. Already you could tell, today had not been a good day for Azriel if the bags under his eyes, the crease between his brows, the hunched shoulders and the sagging wings were any signs. Your heart ached at seeing him like this.

Wrapping your arms around his waist, you rested your head on his chest and squeezed, flooding the bond with love. Azriel squeezed back with his arms around your shoulders and cheek resting on top of your head, sending love down the bond as well. He breathed you in, squeezing a little tighter when you made a move to pull away.

“Not yet,” he mumbled and so you stayed like that for a couple more minutes.

“Welcome home,” you muttered, chin now resting on his chest while you looked up at his face. Azriel leaned down to lightly peck your lips before resting his forehead on yours.

“I’m sorry I didn't show up for dinner,” he said against your lips. You shook your head. “No need to apologize. I understand.”

With a kiss on the forehead, Azriel unwound his arms from around your shoulders.

“Come on,” you said while lacing your fingers through his and led him inside the house and upstairs to your room.

There were rarely days like today. Days when Azriel would need a little more care, a little more love and attention. You were happy to be there for your mate like that every time but Azriel insisted he could do everything himself and you didn't need to bother. Today was one of those days when he needed the affection, and you'd be there for him.

You stepped into the bathroom, leaving Azriel to rid himself of his clothes while you worked on preparing him a relaxing bath. Turning on the warm water in the tub, you added some lavender soap to calm his undoubtedly racing mind and lit some candles on the counter for the atmosphere.

Azriel stepped into the bathroom while you were preparing the bath, your back to him. You turned around to find him standing by the door, leaning his head against the wall with a tired look on his face. Your heart ached for your mate and your reached out, wanting to make it better.

“Bad mission?” you asked.

He shook his head, closing his eyes in exhaustion. “It was just a long day. Felt like it would never end and the whole mission, all I wanted to do was be with you.”

Your heart warmed at the confession. Standing in front of him, you gently held his face between your palms and pressed your lips to his in a sweet but passionate kiss.

“You’re home now, babe. I'm here.” You nudged his nose with yours and his face scrunched up adorably. “Let's get you cleaned up, yeah?” Azriel nodded, walking over to the tub large enough to accommodate his wings, and sank down into the hot water. A sigh of relief and contentment escaped his lips, making you smile.

“Aren't you gonna get in with me?” Azriel asked.

You pursed your lips before nodding. You got undressed quickly, leaving your clothes in a pile on the floor and settled into the tub behind Azriel. His wings sat draped over the sides of the tub, slightly brushing your arm. Your legs went around his hips, his hands quickly finding your thighs and rubbing circles into them. You put your arms around his shoulders, cradling his head, making him rest it against your sternum.

Azriel tipped his head back to look at your face and you smiled, lightly kissing his forehead. His eyes closed as Azriel sank into you, savouring having you so close after a harrowing week of being apart.

His eyes remained closed as you reached for a bottled of shampoo, squeezing some on your hand then massaging it into his scalp. Azriel hummed at how good it felt after having his hair whipped around by the wind while flying. You worked in silence, taking your time with massaging his scalp and Azriel sent a rush of adoration down the bond. You turned your head to the side to kiss his temple in response.

After rinsing the shampoo off, you put some conditioner in and let it sit while you worked on his wings. Moving from behind Azriel to in front of him, you sat on your knees with a rag in hand.

“I missed this,” Azriel commented with a smirk on you on your knees in front of him. You swatted his shoulder, glaring playfully and he chuckled.

With practiced motions, you quickly cleaned his wings and Azriel groaned in approval. You didn’t know what wings felt like but it couldn’t have been a good feeling having them caked in dirt. The water had turned a murky brown by now from all the dirt that came off Az. Draining the tub, the two of you stood.

Azriel grabbed a towel to wrap around his waist and stepped out of the tub, grabbing your hand to help you out of the tub safely.

You went to fetch yourself a towel and some clothes for yourself and Azriel. While you were turned around, cold water droplets met your back and you shrieked loudly.

Turning back around, you saw Azriel standing with a proud smile. He had shaken his wings to rid them of water, drenching you with it in the process.

You gasped in mock offence, hand flying to your heart. “This is what I get for taking care of you? Such ungratefulness,” you pretended to wipe away a stray tear and Azriel laughed out loud. You couldn’t help but smile at the melodious sound. You were happy your mate was happy.

He grabbed your hand and pulled you into him. “Thank you taking care of me, my love. Words can’t describe how grateful I am for having you in my life.” You smiled, leaning more into him and kissing his chest. Azriel wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed the crown of your head.

“I’m grateful for you, too,” you said, looking up at him. Azriel grinned, a genuine smile that reached his eyes and had your heart soaring.

“We should put some clothes on,” you said after.

“But you look so much better naked,” Azriel pouted.

You swatted his shoulder. “Behave, mister!”

“My apologies, miss,” he laughed, kissing you once again.

The two of you headed into the room, putting your clothes on. After getting dressed, you beckoned Azriel to the dressing table and told him to sit. He gave you a confused look but obeyed. Picking from the different vials and bottles, you settled on a green one. Squirting some onto your hand, you rubbed it between your palms before patting it into Azriel’s skin.

“What is that?” Azriel asked.

“It’s toner. It’s used to even out your skin tone and it makes the other products sink into your skin better,” you explained.

Next you picked up a moisturizer and got a dollop on your hand before massaging it into Azriel’s skin.

“And what is this?”

“Moisturizer. Makes your skin soft.”

“You never said my skin is rough!” Azriel confronted.

“It’s not,” you replied. “Though I’m still very confused how since you use the same soap for your face and body and you don’t have a skincare routine.”

“Guess I’m just blessed,” Azriel said cockily. You hummed.

“Feyre, Nesta and I are so jealous of you three.”

You picked up some under eye masks next and put two baby pink crescent moons under Azriel’s eyes.

“My love, are you plotting to turn me into a circus clown?” Azriel asked.

You laughed. “It’s just supposed to help with the dark circles and tired bags. We’ll take them off in a bit. We have to wait 10 minutes though.”

“I have a suggestion on how to pass the time.” Azriel pulled you onto his lap, making a move to kiss you but you put your hand up, covering his mouth. He huffed in protest.

“I’m not done taking care of you yet,” you objected.

“What’s left though? You washed and conditioned my hair, you washed my wings, did my skincare. I’ve never felt more taken care of!” He defended.

“There’s one more thing.” Getting off his lap, you opened the drawer, pulling out a pouch full of nail care. “Give me your hand,” you asked. Azriel shyly held out his hand, back facing up, refusing to make eye contact. Noticing his hesitation, you grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles. A faint pink blush coated Azriel’s cheeks and your heart warmed at the sight. Taking a pair of nail clippers out of the pouch, you carefully trimmed each of his nails. Then, taking a nail file, you shaped them so they all looked the same and finally cleaned under the nails. Lastly, you took some cuticle oil and massaged it into all his cuticles.

“All done!” You said proudly.

Azriel stared at his hands in awe and turned a little teary eyed. “Thank you so much.” His voice came out gravelly.

You smiled, perching yourself up on his lap and kissed his nose. “You don’t need to thank me. And we can take these off now, my adorable circus clown,” you joked before peeling off the masks.

“Thank you, truly, for taking care of me today, Y/n. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you.”

“A lot, okay? And you don’t need to thank me. I’m here for you, babe.” You kissed Azriel sweetly before getting off his lap and guiding him to the bed.

You laid down on your back and held your arms out for him. Azriel smiled brightly, happily climbing into your arms and resting his head on your chest. He sighed happily, glad to be back home and with you. You stroked Azriel’s hair, lightly scraping his scalp that had him humming in contentment. Soon, light snores were heard from him and you smiled to yourself, kissing the crown of his head.

Tags:

@percyjacksonspeen @j-pendragonx @kennedy-brooke @viradeity @marina468

His First Love

Author Talks: Thank you so much for the ask I hope this is what you were looking for.

Warnings: A little bit of angst in the form of maternal jealousy and dad Azriel ;) Lots of love Saph ❤❤

Its been 2 years since you gave birth to your beautiful daughter, who is the prefect mix of both you and Azriel. She had his wings and his dark hair while she inherited your eyes. And you love her but sometimes you just couldn't help but feel jealous of her.

She had Azriel, your mate, wrapped around her little fingers the moment she came into the world. You remember all the nights she had spent crying only to calm down when Azriel held her. You tried very hard to not be disheartened by this and sometimes would cry to yourself when it became too much.

And Azriel the sweetheart that he is always assured you that she loved you just as much and made sure that he spent time with both of you and also tried to include you in their games and as she grew older you realized that it became easier.

But lately things had difficult as missions and work burdened Azriel, due to which he spent less and less time with both of you making your little angel cranky and irritated.

It was so hard that somedays you only saw a glimpse of your mate and that too with your daughter before your eyes became too heavy to keep them open only to wake in the bed in the morning without your mates warm presence and a note apologizing for not being there and yet another false promise of coming home early.

You knew you couldn't blame him, his job was just as important as it was spending time with you guys, but you just wished you could at least see him in the morning before he left for his meetings.

Today had been the last straw as your daughter refused to listen to you no matter what you promised her. It had been nearly midnight before she fell asleep, with an half empty stomach and you knew that she would wake up in sometime as she would be hungry.

You were sitting on the sofa exhausted beyond means when you heard someone winnow to your door step and smiled knowingly, waiting for Azriel to swoop in make it all ok.

Just like you expected in came Azriel with a smile that made him look even more handsome than usual. He was in his leathers and was probably exhausted but that didn't matter as he was always loved to spend time with his family.

The smile on his face grew when he saw you and you were pretty sure that your face mirrored it.

He held you in his arms as you kissed him as you would never see each other again. You rested your forehead on his as you two panted softly, he was going to say something before it was interrupted by a shrill cry of your daughter and before you could even blink Azriel had left you to run to his daughter.

You heaved a sign as you took your little angels food from the kitchen and treaded upstairs to your daughters room to see Azriel try to calm your daughter as she cried her lungs out.

You told Azriel to hold her as you tried to feed her but she wasn't having it as she yelled out and Azriel quickly took the bowl out of your hand a fed your daughter as she silently ate as if she just hadn't thrown a tantrum.

You knew you were being an idiot but you couldn't help but feel hurt. It felt as though you didn't mean as much as Azriel to your daughter and you believed that you didn't mean much to Azriel as well, this thought drew tears to your eyes as you silently left the father daughter duo who were too busy to even notice your absence.

Your locked yourself in your shared bathroom as you cried quietly to make sure you didn't disturb them.

Unbeknownst to you Azriel did notice your absence but couldn't say anything as his daughter was almost asleep and he didn't want to wake her up again.

He set her on her bed and left the room quietly only for his shadows to report to him that you were crying and as much as you tried to shield your emotions by blocking your bond but he still felt it.

He quickly moved to your shared room and knocked on the bathroom door, "Love can I please come in?"

"In a minute" he heard you mumble and a moment later he heard the tap running. You stepped out and pretended to be ok but he knew you.

"Love, I am so sorry-" "There is no need to be sorry Az" you interrupted him.

You tried to move towards the bed but he held your shoulder so that you wouldn't move away without talking to him about what happened.

"I need you tell me what's wrong my love." Azriel whispered in your ears. "Like I said there is nothing wrong" "You wouldn't have left the room if you were alright."

You huffed a breath and embraced yourself as you refused to meet his eyes and mumbled, "It's just that after her birth, you don't spend time with as you used too, and that she seems to love you more than she loves me and that just reminded me how less time you spend with me these days and that maybe you don't love me anymore."

You would have most probably rambled ahead if you hadn't noticed Azriel trying to hide a smile.

"Are you laughing at me Azriel?" You questioned indignantly, "I am not laughing at you my dearest, but something tells me that my mate is jealous."

You sputtered at that, "I am not jealous of my own daughter, Azriel, it's just that I wish you would spend more time with me too."

Azriel eyes softened as held your chin up so that you could see the honesty in his eyes.

" I am so sorry my love for not being able to spend as much time as I want to with you, it's been busy at the court, but tell you what, how about we go out just the two of us and we will let Rhysand and Feyre baby sit our little angle."

"Just the two of us, like we used to" "Yes my love just like old times."

Your face brightened at that and quickly kissed him. "And let me tell you, Our daughter loved you too, She told me not to tell you this but she is preparing a small girt for your birthday."

"Really" you were so touched by your little ones thought and scolded yourself for feeling jealous.

"Azriel I am so sorry, I just thought that-"

"Now don't complete that, remember that you are my first love and that I am so thankful to you for giving me another angel in my life."

"I love you Azriel" You mumbled as he kissed you, and lifted you to bed as you giggled in his arms.

And he spent the rest of the night whispering just how much he loved you the whole night.

Taglist:

@aroseinvelaris

ACOTAR Masterlist

Azriel

His First Love Empty Bottles & Truthful words

Cassian

No content here

Rhysand

No content here

Taglist:

@aroseinvelaris

Hey, I noticed that your requests are open so here's a cute fluff request....Azriel is kind of paying more attention and spending time with his Toddler daughter and reader is kind of jealous ( in a cute way) that Azriel is showering all his love to their daughter 😅 .....Azriel is making efforts to explain reader that this is not true and She's is still his first love 🙈❤

Hello Lovely,

Thank you so much for the ask. I hope this is what you are looking for.

His First love

This is so cute and endearing. Thank for feeding my love for cassian.

Prescription cuddles

Cassian x reader

Summary: Cassian is sick and his mate takes care of him

Warnings: none

A/n: it’s 4 am but I had the brilliant idea to drink coffee at 12 am so this is the product of my stupidity. I hope you enjoy :)

——————————————————————-

Cassian on a regular day was affectionate, wanting to be near you as much as possible with random kisses placed here and there: your shoulder, collarbone, cheek, nose, forehead, jaw, literally any place he could reach. And you loved that. You loved that you had a sensitive and affectionate mate who wasn’t afraid of showing his emotions. You loved that at any time of day when you wanted comfort or human contact, your mate was there to provide it.

Sick Cassian, however, was on a whole other level. Affectionate like normal Cassian, only ten times as clingy. You barely got to get up from bed while he was sick and you had to admit, you loved every second of it. 

Currently, the 6’7 Illyrian lay in your shared bed, cuddled up in blankets with his head in your lap and coughing like his life depended on it. You stroked his hair in gentle motion, attempting to soothe the headache he no doubt had due to the coughing, the clogged sinuses, and staying up all night due to the coughing and clogged sinuses.

Cassian groaned, attempting to take a breath through his nose and failing. “I hate being sick,” he said in a congested voice.

You couldn’t help but chuckle a little.

“I’m glad my misery is making you laugh,” he glared up at you.

“I’m not laughing at your misery!” You objected. “Okay, maybe I am,” you smiled. “But you’re just so adorable when you’re whiny and clingy like that. I can’t help it.”

Groaning, Cassian turned on his side, face buried in your stomach. You continued stroking his hair, burying your hand in it, and targeting all the spots on his scalp that made him putty in your hands.

He hummed in contentment, finally getting relief from the headache that had been ruining his morning. That was until another coughing fit took over.

Cassian sat up, hand cupping his mouth as he coughed violently. You grimaced, reaching out to rub his back. Cassian slumped back into you once he was done, back against the headboard and head resting on your shoulder.

“Would you like some soup, my love?” You asked, kissing his warm temple.

Furrowing your brows, you brought up the back of your hand to his forehead. The fever was back. You made a mental note to fetch some medicine along with the soup.

“Yes please,” he sniffled.

Turning on his side again to get comfortable, Cassian's arm went around your waist, pinning you to the bed.

“I need to get up to bring you soup, you know?” You laughed.

“But I wanna cuddle,” Cassian pouted.

“Soup is more important right now, Cassie. It’ll help you get better.” You attempted to pry his arm off but even sick, Cassian was stronger.

“Cuddling my mate will also help me get better,” he objected.

"Really? Says who?" you asked with a teasing smile.

"Madja," Cassian said. "Yes, she said it is imperative for a male to get cuddles from his mate when he's sick otherwise he may never get better! Do you want me to never get better, Y/n?" Cassian gave you his puppy eye look that makes you melt in a second.

You laughed endearingly at your mate's antics before sighing. “I’ll be back in a couple of minutes. Then we can cuddle as much as you want,” you smiled at him.

“Promise?” Cassian asked.

“Yes,” you playfully rolled your eyes. Cassian beamed, releasing his hold on you, and sprung you to your feet to get your mate some soup and some much-needed medicine.

Putting some chicken noodle soup on the stove to quickly heat up, you searched the cabinets for the medicines. After getting all you needed, you poured the steaming into a bowl and hurried back.

Cassian was sitting up, glaring at you as you entered the room.

“You said it would take a couple of minutes. You’ve been gone for 15!” He huffed.

You couldn’t help but laugh at his silly objections and how adorable he looked with the pout. You set the bowl of soup and medicine on the side table and leaned on the bed to kiss Cassian’s cheek.

“I’m sorry, angel,” you kissed his cheek again.

“You’re forgiven,” he grinned, immediately pulling you to him.

Once you were settled in with Cassian’s arms around your waist and head on your chest, you picked up the bowl of steaming soup and started feeding it to your mate.

Cassian hummed at the soothing burn from the soup and he drank the rest of it in no time. Afterward, you gave him his medicine and rubbed his back while waiting for the effect of the medicines to take over.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” Cassian mumbled against your chest sleepily, kissing your shoulder in gratitude.

You kissed his crown in response.

This is so cute 😍. I am sobbing, it's so fluffy and little Nyxie is an angel. I loved this. Thank you so much for making my day.

HOME TO US | rhysand

summary; rhys and nyx are a family of two, but they're both pretty hell-bent on making it into a trio, with you.

word count; 12,151

notes; I have no idea how this got so long? I planned for it to be like 4-5k, and @azsazz can vouch for that. also big shout out to @acourtofwhatthefuck for proofreading this for me when I just had no motivation, but I needed this one to be perfect.

Fate had always seemed to have the worst timing for you.

Whether it be relationships, the sunny skies turned to rain, or simply this; balancing precariously on a stool and getting startled by your own phone, which you could have sworn was on silent mode. 

Blaring out across the shop in a sudden burst of cheery notes and tones, you almost dropped the stacks of books in your hands, cursing a little as it vibrated in rhythm in the back pocket of your jeans. When the call persisted after the usual three rings signalling a cold caller or market salesperson, you sighed. 

Shifting the books to one arm, you fished the phone out before it could go to voicemail, wondering just who would be calling you so urgently at this time of the day. The question didn’t linger for long, though, as your eyes widened at the caller across the front of the screen. 

‘Velaris Young-Education Prepatory School’.

A ridiculously fancy name for an elementary school, you thought it every time you saw the name, and yet right now, your heart skipped a beat as you pressed answer. Bringing it to your ear as you shuffled the books in your arms more, you lowered yourself down from the ladder carefully. 

“Hello?”

“Oh, hello! Is this Nyx’s mother, (Y/N)? It’s V-Y-E Prep.”

The woman on the phone sounded somewhere between relieved and panicked, and your heart leapt into your throat a little at her tone. “Well, yes, that’s me, but-”

“Oh, good, we weren’t able to get in touch with dad, I was worried I wouldn't be able to get a hold of either of you.” She cut you off before you had a chance to finish, your lips clamping shut as she let out a sigh of a laugh. “I’m Nyx’s class teacher, but he’s had a little bit of an accident today, do you think you’d be able to come and pick him up from the reception?”

Your heart felt like it stopped in your chest entirely. “An accident, what kind of accident, is he okay?” 

“Oh, he’s fine! He had a fall during playtime, and he bumped his head. There’s a mark, and a scratch we’ve cleaned up, but he’s understandably a little shocked and upset. We know dad can get… concerned,” 

Understatement of the century, you wanted to butt in, because Rhys was more than just concerned. He was overprotective, in an endearing way, but he tended to freak out over the smallest things. Then again, it didn’t help when teachers said things like ‘accident’ when it’s not so serious. Perhaps it was a good thing that they got you, not him. 

“So, we thought we’d give you a ring, and see if you could pick him up?”

Your eyes flickered to the clock on the wall. You still had four hours left of your shift, and you felt terrible just ducking out, even if the store was dead, excluding the few people idling over lukewarm coffees in the connected café. “Sure, yeah, of course. I can be there in twenty minutes.”

“Wonderful, we’ll see you then.”

The line clicked dead, your eyes sliding shut as you let out a slow breath. You could have just said no, that voice in your head taunted, he’s not your child to fret over. And yet, the thought of his sad face lingered in your mind, triggering all those maternal instincts inside of you and sending them into overdrive.

“Sounds urgent.” Somehow, despite walking with a cane and always wearing heeled boots that clicked on the floorboards, Margaret had managed to sneak up on you. When you turned, the seventy-something-year-old was standing with a smile on her face behind you, eyeing the phone in your hand. 

“I’m sorry, Margie. It’s Nyx’s school.” You grimaced, lips pressing together into a thin line. She only laughed lightly, waving a frail hand idly in the air as if to bat the moment away.

“Oh, don’t worry, dear. I know what it’s like to have your child’s school call you up in the middle of the day.” Her smile only widened, her eyes glazing over a little. “Our Tommy was a terrible little troublemaker, I had constant calls about his behaviour. And our Jenny, well, she was the clumsiest kid you ever saw. Tripped over thin air.”

A wistful sigh escaped her, and your lips flicked up at the edges. You’d met both Thomas and Jennifer, lovely people, but just as she’d described. Jennifer seemed even more prone to bad timing than you, and Thomas had turned all that troublesome energy into bad flirting and a heated temper. 

“You do what you have to for your kids.” She’d finished her recollections, her voice snapping you from your own, and you could only nod.

“I know, but he’s not my kid. Not biologically, or in any way that matters. It’s not the same, and-”

“Hon, if I’ve ever seen a mother, it’s you to that little boy.” Her words made a lump in your throat that was impossible to speak around, a quick flash of emotion swelling up that you were quick to fight against, but the sparkle in her eyes told you she’d seen in. “He may not have your genes, but he’s yours. So, go get your son. The store will still be here when you come back on Monday.”

“Are you sure-”

“Don’t make me force you out of this door.” She tapped her cane at your feet, just close enough that you could feel the floorboards vibrate under the harsh taps, a wordless threat, and a grin broke out on your lips to hide the blush on your cheeks. 

“Alright, I’ll see you Monday, then.”

She gave a curt nod, and you were flying through the store. Grabbing your bag and coat from the backroom on the way, you were out of the back door and at your car in less than a full minute. Only when you’d put your bags onto the seat and checked the car seat permanently attached to the back of the car did you get into your own seat.

How you’d gotten to this point, you had no idea. It hadn't been your intention four years ago when you’d first met baby Nyx, to end up with a box of his things in your trunk for emergencies, a child seat of your own in the back of the car and your name registered as a parental contact. Yet, as you stared, twisting to look at it and brushing your fingers over the fabric, you didn’t have a single regret about it. 

In fact, only a smile pulled at your lips as you thought about him. Him, and his father. Rhysand had been your best friend for many years, and his baby only seemed to bring you closer. You’d never have wished Nyx’s mother to have abandoned him, you loathed the woman every day for what she did to them both, but it had created a space in their lives that you’d somehow patched a part of up. 

When Rhys had needed support and guidance, you’d been there.

Now, you’d be there for Nyx, too.

As you started the car, flicking a glance back to check the mirrors on the seat were still aligned, Margie’s words flickered through your mind. 

If I’ve ever seen a mother, it’s you to that little boy.

They lingered on your mind for the entire drive, hanging over you like a cloud on an April day, unsure if it was going to rain, or simply pass by. Until you were parked outside of the school, hands still clenched tightly on the steering wheel as you stared up at the tall glass entryway only a few paces away. You couldn't see Nyx yet, not with the doors on the other side that truly sealed off the building, but you could make out figures and shapes on the other side.

Your eyes moved to the clock, the digit clicking over another number, and your fingers felt numb when you finally released them from the wheel. With another sigh, you released all thoughts about mothers and genes and Rhys. 

One day, perhaps, you’d confront them. Today wasn’t going to be it.

Stepping out of the car and swinging the door shut behind you, you didn’t even bother to lock it, as you took a slow jog up the main pathway before the school. The doors hissed open automatically before you, the smell of fresh cotton coming from the air freshener in the corner of the office, and the receptionist behind the desk looked borderline bored as she glanced up. 

“Hi, um- Hi. I’m here for Nyx.”

Her eyes widened a little, looking significantly more interested now as she took your name, and called through to the classroom. The thought almost amused you, had you not been so concerned. Rhys had quite the representation around here, the big checks and hefty donations gained him and Nyx quite the special treatment, one that clearly seemed to pass onto you, too. 

The doors to the school buzzed open a second later as the magnetic locks released, and you stepped through. Sitting in one of the large plush chairs lined up along the wall of the office was Nyx, looking utterly swamped as his feet swung in the air, head bowed and hands clutching tightly to his backpack in his lap. 

At the scuffing of your shoes, his head snapped up, eyes wide and hopeful, turning to relieved as he saw you. He dropped his bag to the floor, moving to slide out of the chair but you were faster, dropping down to kneel before him. Up close, you could see more, enough to break your heart. 

His eyes were red, cheeks pink, tear-marks tracked into the smears of playground dirt and classroom muck on his face. When you brushed the edge of his inky hair back from his forehead, it was to reveal a cut across his forehead to his temple, bumped and bruised, growing into a lump on his head. His bottom lip wobbled, eyes growing shiny again. 

“Oh, Nyxie, did you get hurt?”

“Yeah…” His voice trembled as he spoke, sniffling lightly and wiping at his cheeks with his sleeve. Patting his hair down once again, you tried to choke back the emotions clogging in your throat as a tall shadow fell across the both of you. With a glance, you confirmed that it was his teacher, looking more than a little nervous as she watched you take in Nyx for yourself. 

“We just have some forms for you to sign, and I can tell you a little more about his injury, and then you’re good to go.” At your nod, she let out a heavy breath, wiping her hands down subtly on her skirt.

“Nyxie, I’m just going to go sign some forms for you, okay? Do you want to wait here?” He shook his head, eyes widening a bit as his little hand clamped down onto your arm, gripping tightly and shuffling across the seat closer to you. “You want to come with us?”

“Can I have cuddles?” His voice was low and shy, your heart swelling a little more. 

“C’mere.” Opening your arms up for him, his damp cheek fell to your shoulder, nose tucking sweetly into your neck, and you scooped him up, his legs dangling on either side of your body as he slumped against your chest happily. Standing up with a little more effort than usual, Nyx’s hands patted idly over your knitted jumper, body bouncing with each step you took to follow her inside of the office. 

The forms were already laid out, four to be signed, and she pushed the first one over to you. “This one is just to state you acknowledge the injury, the second is a copy for you, because dad requested always having a copy of forms.” Her cheeks flushed with a little colour, the edges of your lips flicking up at Rhys’ quirks. “The third is just an injury form, that you know we’ve given you all the information, and you’re satisfied. The fourth, another copy.”

You quickly signed your name on the first two, pushing one over to her and keeping the other on your side. The pen hovered over the paper of the third, your fingers clenching a little on it, eyes flicking over the page. “What did happen, exactly?”

“Well, uhm…” You rubbed a hand over Nyx’s back, a soft affirmation that you appreciated how patiently he was waiting. Putting on a smile, you tried to put the woman at ease, not having meant to sound quite so… pissed. 

“I know kids have accidents, I didn’t mean to sound so… well, let’s just say, be glad I’m the one that picked up the call. Dad can be overprotective.” The boy in your arms giggled a little, and you placed down the pen, using your hand to now cup his head and rub at his hair lightly. 

“He was playing on the climbing equipment. I think he went a little too high, because he couldn't climb down. Another child was trying to help him, but before anyone could get over to him once we realised he was stuck, he fell off.” Her voice was a lot more confident now, and you were glad you’d been able to ease just a little of that tension. “I can take you out to the equipment and show you what happened, if you’d like?”

“That won’t be necessary.” You grabbed for the pen again, signing both pages, and she pulled one over towards her files as you gathered the other two. 

“Nyx was so brave, weren’t you, huh?” She swiped a finger over his cheek as she passed by to get the door for you again, and he nodded slowly against your body. “And he was so excited when he found out his mommy was coming to get him.”

There was that word again, all of those thoughts coming swarming back in a dizzying rush as you followed her. A hot blush settled on your cheeks, your mouth opening to correct her, before Nyx’s hands were bunching in your jumper as he let out another little giggle, making your lips snap closed again. He hid his face deeper in your shoulder. 

Stooping down to pick up his bags, his teacher placed it over your arm, swinging as you gripped paperwork in one hand and Nyx in the other. “I put all of his schoolwork in his bag. We’ll see you again tomorrow, Nyx!”

She held the door open for you, waving her goodbye as she watched you go, the receptionist looking far more alert now than she had earlier, smiling widely as the two of you left, and you could feel their gazes on you all the way to the parking lot. 

Putting down the paperwork and his bag on the top of the car, you opened it up, leaning in to settle him was like muscle memory now. No longer an awkward act but a practised one, as he slid from your arms and into the chair. Fastening the belt across his middle, you did the ones over his shoulders.

Eyes that were the same incredible shade of near-violet as his father’s were watching you, a ridiculously adorable smile on his face as you leaned in to press a kiss to the uninjured side of his forehead. Tucking his bags on the other side of him, you checked all his straps, not realising you were frowning yourself until his little fingers pinched at your nose. 

“Got a nose!” He whispered excitedly, waving his fingers in a way that was supposed to mock his uncle’s, the way Cassian would always tease that he’d ‘stolen Nyx’s nose’ to cheer him up. When you smiled at him, he pushed his hand back against your face, giggling to himself as he continued to imitate his uncle. “You can have it back!”

“Well, thank goodness for that!” You teased, rubbing over the bridge of your nose and taking him in. Once you were happy with his safety, you closed the door, taking only the paperwork with you and folding them in half, tucking them into the glovebox of the car for safekeeping. When the car turned on, your fingers went to the radio, and a single button pressed had some of Nyx’s favourite songs pouring from the speakers as the kiddie-CD in the player came to life. “We’ll go and see your daddy now, hopefully, he won’t be too upset about your head.”

The boy only hummed to his song, leaning to stare out of the window, breath fogging it up and one hand resting on the windows he watched his school be left behind. “Daddy will be angry with us?”

For all the fresh set of worries now swirling inside of your head at Rhys’ reaction, you’d never considered how Nyx would interpret your words. “Oh, no, of course not, baby. Never us. We make daddy smile, not frown!”

Reaching behind yourself as you came to a stop at the red lights, you squeezed at his knee lightly, retracting it only when the light went yellow. Another few minutes of quiet went past, the roads clear for the middle of the day as you drove, and Nyx was happily taking in all of the Velaris scenery as you passed by. 

From the small town outskirts and into the city centre, it was when you were almost there that Nyx stopped singing and decided to speak again. 

“I heard daddy tell Uncle Azzy on the phone that you make him smile like nobody else ever has.”

Your eyes widened, your foot nearly slamming onto the brake a little too hard as you turned a corner, and Nyx went back to singing his song. Your heart was picking up speed in your chest, the traitorous organ fuelled on hope reacting in a way you tried to resist. Your head was empty, it took a full minute to form your response, and you gave out a croaky laugh. “Were you being cheeky and listening to your dad’s private phone calls again?”

“No!” His voice sounded indignant, but with a look cast in the mirror onto him, you could see the cheeky smirk on his face. “He answered it at dinnertime! I got to say hi to Uncle Azzy. He’s in a whole different country right now, did you know that?”

You could only smile at the excitement in his voice as he spoke all about Azriel’s current escapades in Spain, or at least, the version that was completely safe and child-friendly. Soon, though, his distraction was over, and he was circling back to a topic you had hoped he’d forgotten.

“Daddy loves you. He told Uncle Azzy. And Uncle Cass, and Auntie Mor.”

“Well, now I know you’re telling me fibs.” Releasing your hand from the gearstick at the next red light, you reached it behind you, tickling at his tummy until he laughed loudly and kicked his legs, slapping at your hands weakly as he wriggled in his chair. “He would never tell Uncle Cass about his feelings, because Uncle Cass would tease him!”

“I’m not telling fibs, I’m not!” He gasped the words between breaths, face growing red, and you almost forgot you were sitting at the lights until a car honked behind you, forcing you to pull away. His laughter died down as the car started again, but he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “He did tell him. He said that he loves you, and he thinks that you’re the prettiest girl in the whole wide world.”

Your lips pursed, your heart betraying you once again, stomach joining as butterflies erupted until you felt lightheaded, and the weight of his stare on the back of your head was obvious without you even needing to turn. 

In a far less sure voice now, “Do you love daddy?”

You had no idea how to answer that question. You’d known he’d get curious about your friendship with his father soon, you’d just been foolish and selfish enough to hope it was his father that he asked, and so you wouldn't have to handle it. 

Of course you loved Rhysand, but that didn’t make it easy to explain. 

Rhys could never know, the wound of Feyre running away with Tamlin and abandoning Nyx was sure to still be raw, Rhys hadn't been on a date in four years, and if this conversation had confirmed anything, it was that Nyx wasn’t the best secret-keeper. 

Your words had to be chosen carefully.

“Your daddy is my best friend, so, yes. I do love him.” You thought you’d done well, until Nyx made a non-committal sound, another question all ready to go. 

“Does he make you smile?”

“Yes.” Your teeth gritted, the looming office building of the company HQ filling the sky as you pulled up to the security box, not even needing to roll the window down before the gates were buzzing open for you.

“And, do you think he’s the prettiest man in the whole wide world?” His arms flew as wide as they could, and you ignored how endearing it was, choosing a parking spot instead and focusing on your alignment. 

“He’s very pretty, Nyx. Just like you.”

“Then why can’t you be my mommy?” That question felt like a punch to the gut, the car shutting off, silence filling the cabin around you as the engine stopped and the singing CD paused. He was waiting, playing with his fingers and staring at you when you turned to face him. His eyes were wide, confused, and you hated that he felt that way.

“Let’s clean up your face, huh? You’re all dirty.” The words were pathetic, you hated yourself, because avoiding his question meant avoiding your own. You were taking the coward's way out, pulling two wipes from the packet in the dash to wipe at his face. He stayed silent, lips pursed in an unhappy pout, but he didn’t push it. The next time he spoke, it was as you were unclipping him from his car seat and lifting him towards the ground. 

“No, no, no.” He clung to you more, jutting out his lip and putting on puppy eyes he knew worked every time. “More cuddles?”

If it kept him effectively distracted, that was more than enough. Settling him in your arms and locking the car this time, the two of you set off towards the building, Nyx babbling in your ear about everything he could see around him so far.

Upon entering the lobby, his chatter cut off, head lifting from your shoulder to wave excitedly at the assistant behind the main desk. Long ago, you’d felt insecure stepping into this building in nothing but your jeans and a hoodie as everyone else wore dresses and suits and polished heels. Now, even as the elegant woman stood in her pencil skirt to lean over the counter to greet him, you felt at home. “Hi, Ana!”

“What are you doing here in the middle of the day, little mister?” 

He only laughed, leaning out proudly to wave at her, and a new receptionist you didn’t recognise. “We’re here to see Daddy!”

She offered a knowing smile when you pushed his hair back just enough to show off the growing bruise, and turning to the intern beside her. “Take them up to the boss, and let him know.”

With a shaky smile and a polite introduction, she led your group over to one of the elevators, Nyx pulling faces and giggling over your shoulder at Ana the whole time. The ride up to the top floor consisted of Nyx counting the numbers off loudly, tickling them off on his fingers until he couldn't count anymore, and the doors chimed open at level twenty-six.

Guiding the both of you toward the boardrooms, you stopped outside of Rhys’ preferred meeting room, the one with ‘the good coffeepot’ he claimed, a smile flickering on your lips as you spotted his silhouette through the frosted glass while she knocked at the door.

As she entered, you could hear his voice pouring out, the back end of a speech on this year's profit margins that he’d practised on you a hundred times before today, only going quiet as all attention fell to her. “Sir, your wife and son are here.”

Your brows rose at her wording, still sitting high on your forehead as Rhys appeared, closing the door behind him and dismissing her thankfully. Left alone, his gaze flickered over you both, an emotion you still didn’t understand settling on his face when Nyx sat up in your arms, still cuddled against you. 

“Hi, daddy! I got a bump on my head, look!” Pushing his hand over his hair, he moved his fringe out of the way, Rhysand’s eyes going comically wide as he stepped closer to get a look at it. “I fell off the climbing frame!”

His frantic gaze swept to you as he ran a thumb over his son’s forehead, the other hand settling on your hip subconsciously, but all your attention seemed to fix on the way his thumb swept over your waist in a matching way. 

“I took care of it all, don’t worry.” You mustered the best smile you could, getting a whiff of his expensive work cologne when he dipped down to press a kiss to the same spot you had when tucking Nyx into the car. He examined the cut a little more, frowning at the mark on his son’s face, and you wanted to say something, to reassure him, to quash the thoughts about being a bad father that you knew were flying through his head. Before you could speak, though, he was acting once again.

He nodded, seeming to have already fought the war inside his own mind, and if the way his shoulder’s slumped from their tightened position, he’d won this one. Leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead too, your breath caught in your throat at the intimate brush of his lips over your skin. Rhysand had always been affectionate, this part of your friendship was nothing new, but somehow, it had become so much more than a flirty comment or wink. Your eyes fluttered shut, pressing selfishly into that hint of affection as it dragged on just a second too long, warmth coating your cheeks when he pulled back. 

“Give me five minutes to finish this meeting up, wait in my office.” His attention moved to his son. “You can get one toy out, just one.”

At the mention of the toy-box tucked away in the back corner of the office, Nyx’s face lit up, hands clapping together excitedly, and Rhys chuckled at him. “Do you need anything?”

“We’ll be fine.” You’d been to his office more times than you could count, knowing the building like the back of your hand. “Go finish up, gods know you didn’t make me suffer through your rehearsals a thousand times just to mess it all up now.”

He only smirked, adjusting his blazer and ruffling his son’s hair, cautious of his injury. “I’ll be with you soon, darling.” Before you could respond, he was placing a quick kiss on your cheek, and backing away and returning to work, the door closing behind him. 

When you stared at his empty space a little too long, Nyx let out an impatient sigh. “I want to play with the racing cars, darling.”

“Hey, now, cheeky! If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were feeling absolutely fine, and perhaps I should take you back to school!” 

Nyx burst out into more laughter, shaking his head and clinging to you. Even if his movements did make it harder to carry him, you didn’t care, grinning at the enthusiasm and excitement on his face. As soon as you had the office door open, he was squirming in your arms to get down, racing over to the box in the corner the second his feet were touching the floor. 

Tearing off the lid, you flicked the light on, shutting the door and frowning as he began to pile toys up all along the floor. “Nyx, your dad just told you only one toy. Pick one, put the rest back.”

“But the cars all count as one, I have to get the whole set out!”

“Nope. You know that’s not how it works.” He scowled, but remained silent, making a point of pulling out the black truck with flames on the wheels, the one you hated, because it made terrible sound effects of grating engines and monster trucks. Piling the rest of the toys back inside haphazardly, the lid remained off the box, and he switched the volume up, glancing at you as he did. You only granted him a sigh, collapsing down into the plush leather chair of Rhysand’s desk.

Five minutes of watching Nyx push the truck around the floor and over every surface as he made car sounds himself soon slipped into ten. He changed toys to a small fluffy dog, and at fifteen minutes, an action figure. Just as he was setting up for his meeting with the plastic army man, Rhys appeared at the door, tugging his tie loose and smiling when you straightened in his chair. 

Tucking the tie down into his suit pocket, he circled the desk, eyeing Nyx on the floor, who didn’t even bother to look up from his life-or-death mission. Taking a seat in one of the cushioned meeting chairs on the other side of the desk, he turned a questioning gaze to you, raising an eyebrow.

“He climbed too high on the climbing frame at school, and slipped when another kid tried to help him down. He got all checked out by the school first aid, he’s totally fine. No dizziness or headaches or nausea, nothing wrong. Just a bruise and a bump.” It didn’t stop Rhys from worrying, rolling his lower lip between his teeth as his gaze moved back to his joyfully-distracted son. “Rhys.”

He didn’t look up, biting down on that lip harder. With one hand, he popped free the button on his collar, and the one below, taking a deep breath. 

“Rhysand.” With a firmer tone, you managed to gain his attention, a reluctant stare shifting to you, and you held your hands out across the desk, palms up. Wiggling your fingers, he placed one hand in both of yours, sighing sadly at the look on your face as you squeezed his hand. “It’s okay, Nyx is fine, I made sure of it. I checked him out myself, signed the forms after reading them, and I’ve been keeping an eye on him. Look at him. He’s perfectly okay.”

“I’m sorry you had to leave work.” He whispered, ashamed gaze trailing to your joined hands, the edges of his lips barely flickering as you smoothed your thumbs over his knuckles. He squeezed a little harder, tugging a little closer, ensuring you weren’t letting go just yet. You’d had no intention to, anyway.

Tugging on your hands a little more, he guided you around the desk, back to your feet until you were standing before him, between his knees, and he could tip forwards to brace his head against your ribs. He still held tight to one of your hands, running his fingers over your skin now, but you managed to fight one hand free. With it, you patted his hair softly, smoothing over it until he let out a shaky but light breath. 

“Thank you.”

“You know I’d do anything for you two. Absolutely anything, you have nothing to thank me for, or say sorry for.” He only nodded, tipping his head up enough that the tip of his nose dragged over your skin, until his chin was propped there instead, glancing up at you.

“Not true, I’m thankful for you every single day.”

You willed your body not to react, not to give you away, other than the small smile you offered him, settling with your hand on the nape of his neck for a second. It was intimate, romantic, far too much for friendship, and the sudden flash of thought made your spine stiffen, and your hand retract down to sit safely on his shoulder instead. “Rhys?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Why does Nyx’s school have me listed as his mother?”

He blinked, once. “What?”

“When they called, they asked me if I was his mom, and I never got a chance to correct her before she was telling me everything. Then when I got there, she said it again.”

He was silent for a moment, before sitting up once again, disentangling himself from you and putting on an easy-going smile to match his shrug as he slumped back into the seat. “I have no idea. Maybe she just got confused, or forgot.”

“Okay…” You gave only a moment's pause, leaning yourself on the edge of the desk beside you, and crossing your arms. “Well, why does your receptionist think I’m your wife?”

“She’s new.” The words rolled off of his tongue so fast it was like he’d planned them, your brows shooting up a little. “I mean, you come in here carrying Nyx, and what else would she know?”

Despite his casual demeanour, a soft layer of pink tinged those tan cheeks, so faint you’d hardly notice it if you weren’t so good at reading him. His eyes studied you for a second, a deep look as he stared, gaze taking you in just as much as you seemed to take him in. There was a lull, a pause, like so many moments lately where the air seemed positively charged between you both, lingering on an adrenaline-filled precipice and just waiting for something to happen.

Rhys broke it, just a second before it would have become too much for you, too. Clearing his throat, he caught Nyx’s attention. “Why don’t we go and get some ice-cream, buddy? Put the toy away and we can go right now.”

“Before dinner?” The child’s eyes widened, throwing the army man into the box without a care for the way he slammed off of the wall, all love gone now at the mention of ice-cream. Clicking the lid back into place, you watched them interact in a daze, the joking and chatter becoming background noise. 

You’d never given yourself a chance to think before, too scared to get your heart broken and to lose them both, but a small flame of hope in the back of your heart had been steadily growing bigger and brighter, and it was starting to become hard to ignore. 

Only when a small hand slipped into yours did you snap out of it, Nyx swinging happily with one hand in yours and the other in his father’s, telling him all about the school work he’d done as Rhysand grabbed for his briefcase and coat. Once he’d acquired them, you were on the move, trailing through the building in much the same way, swinging Nyx between your bodies and letting him bounce excitedly at the prospect of frozen sugar before a healthy meal. 

As you wandered through the lobby, you took stock of yourselves, noting just how much the three of you really did resemble a family. The receptionist would be right to assume, simply from what it looked like. And, even if the teacher did know you hadn't been, from the number of mornings you’d dropped Nyx at school or picked him up at the end of the day, it could easily be misread as merely a development in a complicated relationship. 

Perhaps, it was nothing more than a misunderstanding, and Rhys was right. 

The butterflies in your stomach died down to a heavy weight. One of both relief, and disappointment you refused to acknowledge, the hot flush of anxiety cooling into a steady calm, and you were finally able to take a deep breath once again as you reached the car.

“We just need to grab his bag and forms from my car, and-”

“You’re not coming for ice-cream?” Rhys’ head snapped up from where he’d been looking down at his son, brows furrowing at you, and Nyx fell silent, turning to stare up with an identical look of confusion. 

“You don’t like ice-cream?” He echoed in his father’s tone, the two were far too alike for your good, and Nyx was nothing if not a clone of his father. One silver lining had always been that Nyx seemed to be 99% Rhys, only getting 1% from his mother. It was the smattering of freckles over his nose that only came out in the summer.

“Of course, I like ice-cream.” You tapped at the tip of Nyx’s nose and he beamed.

“So, you’re gonna’ come with us, then?” Your gaze moved from him, to Rhys, whose brows only furrowed further. 

“What’re you lookin’ at me for? You know you’ve always got a place with us. Frankly, if you decided to move in tomorrow, I wouldn't bat an eye.”

Your eyes rolled, and when you were looking back at him, he was grinning. “What about my car?”

“I’ll drive you back here to get it.”

“What about work?” You motioned to the building behind you, and he opened his car door, motioning for Nyx to hop up into the back. 

“I own the company, I can take off an afternoon to be with the people I care about.”

“What about-” He leaned in close enough that your noses almost brushed, a smirk forming on his lips at the hitch in your breath, cutting off your words.

“Shut up, get in the car, and let me take my family for ice-cream.”

You couldn’t breathe, never mind form a response, that word ricocheting through the inside of your skull like a bullet. Nudging you to the side, Rhys opened the passenger door, motioning you too, until you were sinking into the spacious car and letting him close the door behind you. 

By the time he’d strapped in his son and gotten into the car himself, you’d regained your calm and your ability to speak. “You’re bossy.”

“I’m the boss.”

“Not in this car, you’re not.” You muttered under your breath, his chuckle only dulled by the purr of the engine as the SUV roared to life. Setting the car into gear, he cast a cheeky look in your direction. 

“Oh, I know. You’ve been calling the shots here since the day I met you, and I’m just fine with that.”

He settled a hand on your knee, innocently enough, after turning on kid’s songs to match your car to keep Nyx happy. He never flinched, never even glanced at his hand on you, like it was the most normal and natural thing in the world. The scariest part, was that it felt exactly that way to you, too.

Nothing about it seemed wrong, or off, and the longer you stared at his hand, the more you wanted to take it. To lace your fingers together, set your hands in your lap after kissing his knuckles. Despite your attempts to push it down, it was seeming more and more like your ignorance of your situationship with Rhysand was making itself known.

It didn’t make sense. You were perfect together, in every other way, so why had he never made a move in this way? The spike of confused pain through your chest stung like a needle through the heart.

The drive to the ice-cream parlour didn’t give you much time to think, everything today was too fast, not enough time to think or clear your head. Before you knew it, you were pulled to a stop, Rhys climbing from the car to release his son who was practically tearing out of his car-seat to get to his favourite dessert store. He could have done with the run, the walk, anything to burn off some of that energy, but Rhys scooped him up into his arms, pressing several kisses to his son’s head, who only moaned and pushed at his father’s head.

He didn’t want kisses, he wanted sprinkles.

Too bad Rhys was beating himself up again about it all. Freeing yourself from the car to alleviate his worries, you squeezed his arm as you stepped out, shooting him a look to tell him that Nyx was more than okay. “One bumped head does not make you the world’s worst dad. Kids have accidents all the time, but look how happy he is right now.”

He didn’t need to look, shuffling his son to his hip and reaching out for your hand instead as he nodded. Lifting it up, he placed a kiss on the back of your hand before lacing your fingers together.

There was a bell tinkling over your head as Rhysand guided you into the cold store, looking for all the world, once again, like a real family, and you allowed yourself a few selfish seconds to eat it up. Finally, Nyx gained his freedom, darting over to the large glass display cabinet and plastering himself to the front of it as he took in all the flavours available today.

By the time the two of you had reached the front of the queue, he’d seemingly made up his mind, turning to stare at you both with a look on his face that could only mean trouble. 

“You pick what you want, bud?”

Rhys’ cautious tone meant he’d picked it up too, his hand squeezing a little tighter around your own when you chuckled, cutting you a glare as Nyx rolled on the balls of his feet and nodded. “I want the chocolate fudge, two scoops,” He held up two small fingers, for emphasis. “With chocolate sauce and the little fudge-chunk sprinkles.”

The woman behind the counter only laughed, staring down at him adoringly as he placed his hands on his hips, expectantly. Rhys’ eyes widened, his head shaking a little. “How about vanilla, with strawberry sauce, and rainbow sprinkles?”

“Ew, yucky, no.” Nyx’s face crumpled, and Rhysand’s jaw dropped, glancing from his son to you, and back. 

“It was your favourite last time.”

“But, this time my favourite is chocolate fudge with chocolate sauce and fudge chunks, Daddy!” Nyx stated it like it was obvious, and you tugged on your connected hands to bring an indignant Rhys’ attention to you. 

“Oh, let him have his chocolate-fudge extravaganza, he bumped his head.” Rhys’ only scowled, muttering under his breath about being ‘ganged up on’, before nodding to the woman behind the till but indicating for only one scoop. 

“You’re putting him to bed when he gets a sugar rush.” Was all Rhys could snipe back with, a smile forming on your lips against your control once again, letting him lead you over to the display stand as Nyx watched his ice-cream being constructed with rapt attention. Turning from the cabinet to you, he nudged his nose lightly against your temple, a feeling that had blood rushing to your cheeks and your head spinning at the intimacy. “The usual?”

“Yeah.” Your voice broke a little as you spoke the single syllable, and had you been capable of speaking properly at the time, you were sure you’d have been a little more embarrassed about it. 

“One raspberry victoria-sponge chunk ice-cream with, two scoops, and one triple-scoop rocky road.” He added to the order, the woman only nodding, piling them up on top of the counter as Nyx tried to reach for his, sparkles in his eyes as he stared at his sickly-sweet monstrosity in awe. 

Lifting it down for him, you stuck a wooden spoon into the cardboard cup holding it, a soft ‘thank you’ tumbling from his lips as he accepted it, cradling the pot patiently in his hands like it was a rare treasure. You remembered the same look being on Rhys’ face when he’d first held his son, the same tender and gentle astonishment, the shock in his eyes at something so special. You could only smile. 

“Darling,” Rhys tugged on your arm, your head snapping up from Nyx to look at him, only to find both his eyes and the servers on you. You hummed, brows raising, and watching Rhys balancing two ice-cream cones in his hand. “I said, can you get my wallet? It’s in my jacket pocket, your side.”

“Oh! Right, sure.” Twisting to him, he smoothed his thumb over your hand in silent appreciation as you rooted around the inside of his pocket, fingers brushing across worn black leather, and pulling it free. 

You were more than familiar with Rhys’ money and his cards, he often handed you a small fold of notes or one of his shiny cards whenever you took Nyx out or needed to buy something, refusing to ever let you pay, but you rarely held the whole wallet.

Flipping it open, your eyes scanned over the folds inside to search for the right card, but your gaze snagged on the fold of an image inside. Pinned lightly behind clear plastic, the image preserved perfectly, was a picture of you and Nyx. You remembered the moment clearly, you’d been out with the whole family, one of the rare moments that Azriel had been home at the same time Mor was back from travels and Cassian had a day off. Amren even freed the day up to sit in the park with you all, celebrating Nyx’s third birthday. Mor had been on her Polaroid camera hype, and you didn’t even know she’d snapped this picture. 

Nyx’s hands were on your face, pushing your sunglasses on upside down after he’d finished playing with them. He was stood between your legs, the sundress you’d worn that day still had small stains from the muddy bottoms of his shoes, but the smile on his face that was caught in the picture was worth it. You rubbed a hand over the plastic protecting it, treasuring that day with all of your heart, and uncovering Rhys’ writing at the bottom as you did.

‘My loves’.

“Darling, the purple card. C’mon, the ice-cream is getting warm.” He nudged you again, Nyx staring pleadingly from the ground below as he clutched his treat, still waiting, and you slipped the purple card out with your thumb. Tapping it against the car reader and being sure to add a tip to compensate for your daydreaming, you slid the card back, sliding the wallet back into his pocket as the three of you found a table.

Just because you could no longer see the picture, didn’t mean it, and, more importantly, the caption, wasn’t seared into your mind. My loves. If he truly felt that way, why hadn't Rhysand ever made a move? It didn’t make sense, you’d been here since before Nyx had even been born, almost a decade of best-friendship and flirty comments that never became anything more, while secretly harbouring a picture of you in his wallet and holding your hand, kissing your forehead and smiling in a way that read as far more than just friends.

You’d barely even settled into the booth before Nyx was digging into his ice-cream, and your hand finally being freed and you were given your cone. Twisting it around and towards yourself, your eyes narrowed a little on the chunk missing from the side, somewhere where an obviously large piece of cake had been pulled out, and your glare turned to Rhys.

“You ate some of my ice-cream?”

“We always share, stop acting so surprised about it.” He grinned, taking a large scoop from his own, and you scowled at him. 

“I hadn't even tried it yet, and you ate the best piece of cake!” He only smirked. 

“Do you want to try my ice-cream?” Nyx offered, and you turned to look at him across the table. His hand was gripping the spoon like he was stirring in a cauldron, the contents inside had been churned up into a gloopy mess, and he held a spoonful of it out to you, chocolate and fudge-covered cheeks stretched in a smile. 

“That’s okay, Nyxie, it’s all for you.” You passed your cone back to Rhys after unwrapping the napkin from around it. “Hold this, and don’t eat any more.”

He nodded dutifully, but eyed another piece of cake hidden within the ice-cream nonetheless, as he ate his own. There was a particularly large piece of dark chocolate with a marshmallow on the side of his own that he’d yet to notice, and you stored that away for revenge. Reaching across the table, you wiped at Nyx’s cheeks, unsure why you’d bothered since he was only going to end up in the same state again soon, but you did your best with the sticky mess anyway.

You gave up when he got ice-cream on your hand too, refusing to pause eating even when you tried to clean him up. Leaving the scrunched-up napkin on the table, his father only chuckled in your ear and handed you your cone back. Turning to him, you held out your other hand. Wiggling your fingers, his face pinched for a second, before he sighed, giving in. He pulled that same face every time, despite being right that you always shared, a victorious smile on your face. 

You made a point of turning the cone, flashing the delicious chunk of chocolate and marshmallow to him, watching his jaw drop to stop you, but not fast enough. Clamping your mouth down around it, you pulled the chunk free, chocolate melting across your tongue as you let out a moan of appreciation.

His eyes flared, leaning in and snatching his cone back, but leaving his face close enough to your own that when you licked over your lips, you almost licked him too. “You’re so cruel to me.”

“Payback is a… well, you know the saying.” You smirked, ensuring not to swear in front of the child across the table from you both, and he only growled a little. His eyes flickered over your face, every spot his gaze touched made your skin burst out with heat, lingering for a moment on your mouth. He smirked, raising a hand, and brushing his thumb along the edge of your mouth as he pulled back a fraction.

“You missed a spot.” He breathed, thumb slipping to settle on your chin instead, and his eyes found yours once again. The air between you both crackled like it never had before, electricity sparking between you both again, but so much more intense. “I, uhm, I’ve been meaning to talk to you lately...”

“Yeah? Well, we never see each other, I can see how it’d be hard to find the time.” You teased, his softly sighed laugh brushing over your face as his gaze held yours. Smoothing his thumb along your jaw until he was cupping your face, it was only when a drop of ice-cream dripped from your cone and onto your finger, the cold sending a jolt through you that made you gasp and snap back. 

Glancing down at it, you winced, licking away any more drops that looked like they may fall, and using Nyx’s napkin to wipe your fingers. When you turned back to Rhys he was facing the table again, eating his ice-cream and acting as though nothing had happened. The bubble was broken, whatever he was going to say he clearly wasn’t planning on anymore, and so you let it pass.

You ate your ice-creams together, conversation steadily flowing onto other topics, far safer ones, no doubt, and you did your best to clean up Nyx’s face once again. Smears of chocolate covered his cheeks, and you knew Rhys would have to scrub it off later before bed. 

The ride back to the office was where you grew to regret convincing Rhysand to allow Nyx’s choice, his sugar rush beginning to kick in at full force. He screamed his songs at the top of his lungs, loud enough to make you both wince as you drove, bouncing chaotically in his seat and threatening to break right out like a miniature beast. 

The hand, now sitting on your lower thigh rather than your knee, squeezed at a particularly loud shriek as he played with the window settings, up and down, up and down. “This is your fault.”

“I know!” You wailed, glancing back at Nyx, who was all but vibrating as he rocked side to side, giggling hysterically to himself. “I figured the sauce would be sugar-free, and fudge isn’t that much sugar, it’s like-”

“It’s half sugar!”

“What?” Your eyes widened a little, turning to look at Rhys with wide eyes, and he contained his laughter as he watched the road, trying to tune out the din from the backseat. “Regardless, I apologise for this.” There would be no calming him now.

Rhys rubbed his hand up and down your thigh softly. “I already told you, that's your problem. You think I’m going to let you go home and leave me with this?”

“I have some very important work to do-”

“Liar.” He called your bluff, and you scowled, turning your glare on his hand as it set warmth firing along all of your nerves. 

When he finally pulled back into the parking lot, it was considerably emptier than it had been when you’d left, and he spun to park across two full spaces into place beside your car. He left the car with a happy sigh, closing the noise that his son was making inside the vehicle, and rolling his neck from side to side. Finally, he opened his son’s side, lifting the boy from his chair and setting him on the concrete, where he immediately began to jump up and down, holding onto his dad’s hand.

The pair accompanied you to your car, retrieving the school bags and taking them back to their own while you gathered the correct forms from the glovebox, meeting him by the back of the SUV that made your car look tiny in comparison. You pressed them into his hands, and he tucked them into the front pocket of Nyx’s bag, setting his son off to put the bags away, who remarkably, did as told.

“I know you said no thanks, but, thank you for today. I mean it, you were so wonderful. You’re always so wonderful, I couldn't do any of this without you.”

“Any time, Rhys. You know that.” He shrugged, hands tucking into the pockets of his smart pants, leaning against the side of the car only a foot away from you.

“I know, but that doesn’t make me any less lucky to have found you, and to get to keep you in my life.” 

Small padding of feet came rushing back, bags no longer in sight but a picture clutched in his hands to be held up in the air as he came to a stop. It was decorated with pieces of glued-on dried pasta, glitter and sequins, and some splatters of paint. The most important part, though, was the drawing at the bottom. 

You’d grown used to his style of drawing now, easily able to pick out what each scribble was supposed to be, or rather, who each scribble was supposed to be, and the attempt at writing underneath. It didn’t matter, though, because he was quick to enthusiastically point it all out. 

“Look, look! It’s us! This is daddy, in purple. And this is you in blue, because it’s your favourite colour. And this is me! I’m wearing a crown.” His chest puffed up proudly, the broken piece of pasta on his head acting like a crown, and you traced the words written in matching colours under each figure. 

Daddy. Nyx. Mommy.

Casting a look up, Rhys was staring at the paper, a horribly crushing mix of longing and pain in his eyes as he stared at it, throat bobbing in a swallow, before he was blinking it away. He’d always been good at playing another role, hiding his feelings when he needed to, but you’d caught him too many times. 

All the pining and want, you’d always assumed it had been for Feyre, for the missing woman who had birthed his son, but when his eyes met yours, the façade cracking just a touch, you allowed yourself to wonder if maybe it was for you. Whatever it was today, this last few months, it was something new. It was like those walls you’d built up were finally crumbling, he was fighting through his own, and he let out a shaky sigh. 

He let Nyx lower the photo, occupied with admiring his artwork. He leaned down, lips finding your cheek and lingering there in a soft kiss. You hooked a finger under his chin, twisting his head up until your noses were brushing, his eyes snapping open wide before you, as your lips brushed lightly. “What are you doing?”

“Well, I was thinking about kissing you.” You whispered, your voice shaking as you second-guessed yourself, second-guessed it all. His hand found your hip, smoothing around to sit on your lower back and tugging you close enough that your chests pressed together, his forehead resting on yours. 

He didn’t pull away, he didn’t stop you, he just gave you your chance to decide. 

So, you did. 

You leaned up, pressing your lips to his in a delicate kiss that set your stomach into a frenzy of butterflies, and drew a soft noise from Rhys as he tightened his hold on you. After only a second of hesitation, he kissed you back, a push and pull with his lips that was as intoxicating as it was grounding. You felt like you were floating, tethered only to him as you gave into a desire you never thought you could have, his lips melding to yours in slow drags. 

It felt like it went on forever, and you were certain that you could easily have stayed there, just like that, for the rest of your life. 

When he let you breathe, when your mouths fell only an inch apart, you wanted to nudge closer to him once again, to seal yourself back to him, to sink into him wholly and entirely and never come apart again. If the tight grip he had on your hip was any indication, Rhysand felt the same way.

The fog cleared after a few moments, and he shifted back some more, eyes fluttering open once again, and this time, they were filled with questions. Swirling in the violet like a storm brewing at dusk, and you lifted a hand, running a finger over his cheek lightly, and smiling when his head tipped into your touch. 

“I’m so telling Uncle Azzy that you kissed Daddy.”

You practically jumped out of your skin, having forgotten about the babbling little boy at your feet, who was now staring up at you both in nothing but shock and smugness, one hand planted on his hip as the picture that had sealed the deal hung limply from the other.

“Daddy and-” You scooped him up before he could even get started into that little riddle, the taunting making your cheeks warm, even if he was only four, and making your way back toward the car. Rhys shuffled along behind you in a silent daze, holding the door open for you and standing by as you tucked Nyx back into his car seat. He never gave up on his childlike-smirk. 

“How about some dinner, huh? A little someone can have his favourite mac n’ cheese.”

“It's me! It’s me!” He cheered happily, and you took the opportunity while his arms were raised to strap the belt around his waist, sealing him back into the chair as his arms strapped through the other two. “I’m calling Uncle Azzy tonight. And Uncle Cassie.”

“You do that, Nyxie.” You bopped the end of his nose, switching on the small TV set that was attached to the headrest to face his way, and watching it load up. You could feel Rhys’ stare burning into you, like a fire crawling along your skin, impatient and needy and desperate for answers, making you grateful for this small distraction as you scrolled the shows on the tablet.

Like a warning, a warning not to make him wait much longer, Rhys settled one large hand over your hip, squeezing tightly and tugging you a fraction out of the car towards him, a shiver travelling down your spine. You hit play on the first show up. 

Backing out of the car to close the door, you didn’t get far, Rhys didn’t move, only pulling your body back into his with the grip on your waist, slamming the door shut for you and leaving you pressed to him. In a quick spin, he had your back pressed to the cold metal of the car, out of sight of his son and closed in by your own, the cold metal making for a relieving contrast to the heat. 

“Do it again.” There was a pleading note to his voice, his sights fixed entirely on your mouth now as he bit down on his lower lip, his forehead coming to rest on yours. “Kiss me again.”

You took your time, teasing him just a little, by running your hands up his arms, over his shoulders as he tensed, until you were holding his face. He sagged closer to you, like he couldn't even hold himself up anymore, pinning you between his body and the car. With a sweep of your thumbs over his cheeks, his eyes closed, noses brushing in sweet motions until he gave an aggravated breath at the waiting.

At long last, you gave in, closing the gap between you both once again. This time, he let out a soft moan when your mouths connected. He kissed like a man starved, like a man who had waited every moment of his life for this. It was like your first taste of air after being underwater, his mouth insistent and unrelenting, like he was memorising the way it felt to kiss you.

You gave him all you had, committing every part of him to memory too. Every sound he made, the way he panted against your lips before diving back in, teeth scraping your lower lip and sucking softly, before following it with a sharp nip. He ruined everyone else, no kiss you’d ever had compared to this and nothing else ever would. 

When his tongue smoothed over your lower lip, you were forced to pull back, to try and think somewhat clearly, one of you had to, because if you let this go on anymore, you weren’t sure you could stop. His hand was already shifting, exploring, dragging his fingertips up your spine to tangle in your hair, and you lowered yours to his shoulders, pushing him back just enough to take a breath that didn’t taste like him. 

He groaned, licking over his swollen lips to take away the taste of you, his eyes darker than before when they found you again, and you pressed your lips together to fight temptation. “You should… you should get our boy home.”

At that, he blinked, his gaze softening endlessly at the endearing claim, and his hand let your hair go to slip back to your back. Pulling you closer, he pressed a wet kiss to your cheek, nodding against your temple as he left a kiss there too. When he pulled back, it was to simply stare. There was nothing hidden now, the kind of dumb-in-love look shining in his eyes that you couldn't miss. Had it always been there, and you’d just never seen it before, or had he just stopped hiding it?

“You okay, Rhysie?”

He melted into you at the nickname you rarely brought out, eyes shining as he continued to stare. “So, so very okay, darling.”

Silence lingered between you both, the same comfortable quiet it had been since day one. No matter what, no matter how anxious or nervous or rattling, Rhys always had a way of making you feel at ease. You felt so vulnerable, and yet so safe with him, voice coming out in a whisper to speak into the gap between you both, “Can I ask you a question, Rhys?”

“Are you going to ask me if we can have carbonara with chicken for dinner again?” He teased, putting your nerves even more at ease, or maybe it was for his own, by making a joke. 

You indulged him, “It’s a classic for a reason, because it’s so good. Besides, who said I’m coming for dinner, anyway?”

“You think there’s any way I’m going to be able to let go of you now?” He mumbled, head dropping down to rest on your shoulder instead, and you chuckled, feeling his lips press a soft kiss to your shoulder through your jumper. “What did you really want to ask?”

That brought the nerves back in full force. “Why did nothing ever, y’know, happen between us?”

His head snapped up, eyes widening to look at you, but no words came from his parted lips. 

“Don’t you ever think about it, Rhys? I mean, look at us. There’s so much that would work, and I guess-”

“Of course I think about it.” He breathed the words in a rush, and your jaw snapped shut as words finally began to pour out of him, unrestrained and uncontrolled. “I think about it all the time. Every minute of every day you’re on my mind.”

“Rhys…” He let out a slow breath, but there was no stopping him now. You’d uncorked the bottle, the contents unable to be stopped from spilling. 

“Since the day I met you all those years ago, I knew that I would hold onto you for the rest of my life. I couldn't let you go. But, I was a stupid kid who just inherited a company, and I was terrified of that. I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. You just dropped into my life and filled holes and cracks I didn’t know I had, you made me feel complete. I fell for you, so hard and so fast, and I was so godsdamned scared of that.” He looked away, unable to look at you any longer, and swallowing thickly. 

“So, we became friends…”

“So, we became friends.” He repeated, sighing like he couldn't hold the weight of the world anymore. “I thought, selfishly, that I could hold onto you as my best friend, until I was ready for more. That it would be fine. I was too slow, though, and you started dating Lucien.”

Your mind flickered back, hardly remembering the man you’d been with for only a couple of months almost six years ago, flashes of red hair and tanned skin in your mind recalling it.

“He was good to you, and I hated that. I hated him, but I wanted you to be happy. But, I was so miserable. I was so sickeningly, maddeningly, obviously in love with you, and I had to do something before you noticed. So, I dated Feyre. It wasn’t… we moved too quickly, too fast. I threw myself into it and then she got pregnant. Nyx came along, and she abandoned him. I thought I’d lose you too. I was scared again, but you stayed. You helped with everything, you made it better.” 

His voice started to crack, and so your arms raised, looping around his neck, pulling him in until his forehead was pressed to your own. 

“I wasn’t scared when you were there. You taught me everything, you stayed for every step. I knew within days that you should have been Nyx’s mother, that being with you like this was all I’d ever want, I started to want everything cliché, a white picket fence and a little house of our own and a street where Nyx could learn to ride a bike with us. I mean, I picked out the house you liked best from the viewings even though it was gonna cost so fuckin’ much to renovate and repair and clean, but it was so worth it.” He laughed emptily, and you sniffed back tears.

“I had no idea.”

“I know, I never told you. I wanted you to see your dream house without the guilt.” He rubbed at his nose, and you kissed his cheeks, feeling him smile under your lips as you did, stopping the tears clinging to his lashes from falling. “But, you were still with Lucien, so I settled to take what I could get. If having you as my friend, helping me raise him like this, was all I could ever have, I’d take it. Then, you weren’t, and I thought maybe you’d be heartbroken about your break-up, or sad, and I wanted to give you time. I gave you too much time, I was a coward, I was nothing but a lonely man who already had a son. I couldn't offer you all the things you wanted anymore. I couldn't travel or go out and party or do anything. I’m always working or with my boy, and I didn’t want you to be forced to take that on.”

You were shocked, his candour had left you breathless, and he sniffled lightly, blinking away the tears he was unwilling to let drop. “We broke up because of you.”

“What?” He let himself look up, to you, of all the expectations he’d seemingly braced himself for, this obviously wasn’t it.

“Lucien and I. He- he said, understandably, that it felt strange to have a relationship with a woman who was practically a part of another family. It made him feel like some sort of home-wrecker. He didn’t say it, and he never would’ve, he was a good man, but it was a choice. You and Nyx, or him.” Giving the best smile you could despite the emotions overwhelming you, he matched it with a watery laugh. “I didn’t even have to think about it. That’s why I was never sad.”

“You chose us.”

“I’ll always choose you.” Your smiles were real this time, shared and intimate and frighteningly tender. “So, the real question, is whether you’re still sickeningly, maddeningly in love with me?”

“You forgot ‘obviously’. I can’t believe you don’t know it, I haven’t been subtle. I tell everyone you’re my wife, and let them believe you’re Nyx’s mom.” Your scoff only made him smirk, smacking at his shoulder lightly, pushing him away only to have him grip you tighter, tugging you closer to him. 

“I knew those weren’t ‘little mistakes’, or miscommunications!” He only shrugged, dipping back in, every intention clear as he moved slowly. 

“I intended to tell you today, and so many other times, but I was always so scared of losing you.” The confession hung between you both, the unspoken promises and words as he tried to give you a chance to leave, to back away, to call it too much, but you didn’t. 

You let him kiss you, let him kiss you until your lungs burned for oxygen and your head was spinning, and it felt like hours had passed by as you learned one another’s mouths. You let him kiss you until you were sure he understood that you felt the same, that you always had.

“I still love you. I will always love you. You don’t just get over this kind of love.”

You could only grin at him, cheeks aching but you didn’t care, because you couldn't have contained your happiness even if you’d wanted to. “Good, because it would have been horrible if my feelings were unrequited.”

“Never.” A few more stolen kisses, mumbled promises between them. “So, you’ll follow us home for dinner?”

The leap in your chest at the word home was enough to make you breathless, the knowledge you now had that he’d chosen it just for you, in hopes you’d one day live with them. It was almost too much to bear. “Only if you’re making carbonara. And garlic bread.”

“I’ll make you anything you want if it means you’ll keep kissing me.” You hummed, pressing another peck to his lips before managing to disentangle yourself, despite his complaints and tight hold.

“I’ll see you soon, where we can continue this.”

“Don’t take too long, I’ll miss you too much.” He winked, looking messy and kiss-ruined as you stepped back to fully take him in. His shirt was rumpled, his blazer was a little askew, and his cheeks were flushed red, swollen lips to match. 

He was perfect. 

“Hurry home to us, darling.”

Azriel deserves the world, this is so fluffy and cute and heart breaking at the same time. I so want to stab Azriel's step brothers.

But on another note thank you so much for this.

What you do when Az has a nightmare

Azriel x reader

Warnings: azriel’s past

A/n: my first headcannon!!!! Idk why I’m so excited abt it lol but enjoy <33

—————————————————-

you’ll be sleeping soundly with your head on his chest, listening to the rhythmic beating of his heart, feeling his chest rise and fall at a steady pace. 

slowly, his breathing starts becoming rapid and disturbed, which wakes you up. azriel is still asleep but you see his face scrunched in discomfort. down the bond, you feel a crushing panic and a sense of hopelessness strong enough to bring tears to your eyes. 

immediately, you know azriel is having a nightmare and he’s back to that horrendous day he got his scars. 

shifting up, you pull his head to your chest, fingers tangling in his raven hair. you lightly scratch at his scalp while softly humming a random melody and sending all your love for him down the bond. 

azriel starts mumbling in his sleep, asking his stepbrothers to stop, to let him go and it breaks your heart to hear him like that. pulling him against you tighter.

his wings are tucked together painfully tight as if trying to stop his step brothers from touching them. you rub his back, right between his wings, and kiss his head, watching his wings slowly relaxing and draping themselves over the bed.

“it’s okay, baby. it’s just a nightmare. you’re safe and at home, in your bed.”

you continue stroking his hair and humming while occasionally kissing his crown and slowly, azriel’s breathing gets back to normal till he’s sleeping contently with his head on your chest, a small smile on his lips as if he knows you’re there in his sleep. 

the thought warms your heart. 

you stay awake for a little longer, holding his and scratching his scalp till you’re sure he isn’t going to have the nightmare again, then slide down so your head is rests on the pillow and go to sleep. 

in the morning, you wake up to azriel staring up at you with a smile on his face. 

“what?” you ask. “thank you for being there last night. i heard you humming in my dream. you made the nightmare go away.” you give him a smile and kiss his forehead. “anytime, my mate.”

Empty Bottles & Truthful Words

Author talks: I am so sorry for posting after a million years.

Summary: Azriel had decided to get drunk, and the following morning some truth surfaces.

Warning: Nothing much except for drunk Azriel.

Lots of love, Saph ❤

You and Azriel were best friends and as cliché as it was, you were in love with him and hoped that in some odd scenario, he would love you too. It was supposed to be a normal day, and frankly, it was, but little did you know that when you went to open the door after hearing someone knocking on it, it would turn out to be the best day of your life.

You have known Azriel for nearly 3 centuries and never had you seen him this drunk, and you could most definitely feel the drunken haziness through the mate bond, that you decided to perpetually ignore knowing that the bat-boys would have most probably gone to Rita's to enjoy the weekend.

Yes, Azriel was your mate and he was blissfully unaware of it. The bond clicked a little over 6 months ago when you two were sharing a quiet and peaceful moment at the library and you trying to watch Azriel discreetly when the mate bond clicked and you had to leave the room rather quickly so that he wouldn't have any suspicion, only to be cornered by Rhysand who seemed rather cocky about the same. Now everybody other than Azriel knew about your mate bond.

You made them all swear that they wouldn't say anything as you waited for Azriel to feel the same.

You snapped out of the memories when Azriel let out an excited exclamation of your name which definitely tipped you in about his drunken state.

He quickly left Cassian's side and stumbled towards you and if you hadn't steadied him he would have most definitely fallen down.

Azriel nuzzled your neck and kept mumbling something neither you nor Cassian was able to understand, "I have got it from here, Cass, thank you for getting him here."

You could see that Cassian was worried he left bidding you good night and told you to call him if his brother got a little too much for you to handle, he finally relented and left when you gave him an exasperated look as if you couldn't handle your Illyrian baby.

"Az, come on, let's get you to bed," you mumbled as you tried to get Azriel to your bedroom. "Won't you take me out on a date first ?" he giggled, you would have flushed red if it was any other time, but you merely rolled your eyes as you were too busy to make sure you both did not stumble on your way.

You had successfully managed to seat him on your bed and made your way to your bathroom so that you could find the anti-hangover portion that Azriel had stored for you and ironically he would be the one to use it.

"Y/N, I feel the wind in my hair, do you feel it too?" You huffed out a laugh as you imagined how embarrassed he would be when you would happily remind him about this tomorrow. "Sure, Az, before that why don't you drink some water."

You walked closer to the bed as you tried to coax your mate to drink some water and brush his teeth before you could make him drink the potion, hoping that he wouldn't have a horrible headache tomorrow.

After the herculean task of getting him ready for bed, you had somehow made him drink the portion and you were exhausted, you wondered how he had managed to take care of you when you were drunk and promised to never drink your mind off again.

You wondered what prompted him to get drunk like this and hopefully, you could talk to him tomorrow.

"Do you know why I decided to get drunk today?" You were going to ask why before which he continued, "Because I realized that I love her and that she would never love me."

You had to admit that it hurt, you knew that you had no claim over him but to know that he had gotten this drunk so that he could forget about whoever he was in love with, hurt like hell but you suppressed it.

"Whoever she is Az, she would be lucky to have someone like you love her." "Then why don't you" You snapped your head up to look at him and regretted it immediately as you had never seen the vulnerability reflected in his beautiful hazel eyes. You so desperately wanted to believe his, but you knew he was drunk and you would never take advantage of him like that, and somehow managed to break eye contact.

"It's the alcohol talking Az, you won't remember any of this tomorrow-" "But I will" he insisted, you relented and replied, "Then you can ask me out tomorrow when you are sober, alright." "Will you say yes?" he asked in the most vulnerable tone you had ever heard from the shadow singer. "Without a question" you assured and prayed to the cauldron that he would remember this tomorrow.

Azriel opened his eyes only to close them while cursing at the sun, he was about to turn away when a shadow protected his eyes from the harsh sunlight, he was about to fall back asleep when a soft voice stirred him awake, "Wake up, Azriel" it muttered and he immediately knew where he was and who was taking to him. He grumbled as he had a tremendous headache and was too lazy to wake up.

His best friend, Y/N was giggling as she sluggishly shifted preparing to get up, he quickly grabbed her arm, "Don't go" he murmured wanting to do nothing but sleep.

"Gosh you are an Illyrian baby, aren't you." if it was anyone else Azriel would have scowled, but with her he just couldn't help but laugh along.

She stopped laughing and turned to him, "How do you feel, Az?" she asked and he could see it in her eyes how concerned she was. "I am as healthy as a horse, I wonder who I have to thank for that."

"That would be me and while you are at it make sure you thank Cassian, he was the one who brought your drunk ass to me."

Azriel scoffed as he could already see Cassian make fun of him. "Now why don't you freshen up while I whip up something for the two of us."

Azriel groaned feeling too lazy to get up, he knew that he would eventually have to get back to his duties of being the Spymaster, he could only ever fully relax with his best friend. He avoided mentioning last night's confession thinking that you probably loved him as your best friend.

He got up and went to the wardrobe and saw that you had given his clothes a separate section amongst all your clothes. When he had first seen it he had made fun of you, it assured him that he would always have a place at your house and that melted his heart.

He had finally showered and refreshed, even his shadows were looking more lively, compared to their sluggish movements a little while ago.

He silently made his way to the kitchen to see you make his favorite pancakes. He just stood there leaning against the wall wondering what it would be like to wake up with you, how it would feel when you too would take turns cooking for each other in the morning and during weekends both of you would cook together dancing in the kitchen.

He knew how relaxed you were, he almost felt it, Azriel was confused, his shadow half of which that were playing around you and the other half was swirling around him, that is when he realized that not only did he know you were relaxed and happy, he felt it too. There was a pulsing in his heart, he could feel both of your heartbeats syncing and saw the golden string connecting you to him. His shadows were also swirling around him faster as they whispered the one word he waited to hear, Mate.

You were his mate.

You slowly started rubbing your chest, and he sensed that his confusing emotions were not received with the surprising reaction that he expected, it was almost as if you knew, that was when it clicked, why you had run way months before and almost avoided him for days, and when you finally returned, you never did explain why you had left so abruptly. He understood that you knew, and that was why you disappeared.

He slowly tugged at the bond, you suddenly stilled and this time Azriel tugged at the bond harder and quickly turned around. "Az" you breathed out and that was the only confirmation he needed, "You are my mate," he whispered as he quickly embraced you.

"Are you ok with that?" you whispered softly, you had no idea why you were talking in such a low and sweet voice, it just felt like it was called for.

"With what?" Azriel questioned, he should have been the one asking that question, you should be disgusted for being mated with an Illyrian bastard like himself.

You could feel the insecurity flowing off of him, but instead of replying, you just chose to pour the love you felt for him through the bond as you no longer had to shield or hide your feelings for your mate.

He shuddered at the feeling, when he finally gathered his bearings, he reciprocated the feeling and you both sighed in relief as you had finally found each other. That was when you realized that he wanted you to.

"I want you Azriel, I waited for you to feel the bond too, so I could finally say that I love you."

"I love you too" Azriel muttered as his eyes lined with unshed tears.

You quickly kissed him wondering how starved you were for his affection and Azriel reciprocated it just as eagerly as you softly kissed each other, it was a promise of love and intimacy that you would never lose again. You pulled away and he rested his forehead atop of yours as you both smiled at each other.

This time he was the one that kissed you and it was hot and passionate as he kissed you as if you were water and he was a parched traveler who traveled through the desert to quench his thirst.

As much as you hated it you pulled back and licked your lips, "Let's complete the mating bond first."

Azriel's eyes immediately brightened at that as you dragged both of you to the table as you quickly piled the pancakes he pulled out the plates, and neither of you stumbled as it was a practiced dance.

As you both ate the food, you could feel the bond strengthening, Azriel's eyes were trained on you as you slowly ate your breakfast. You had to wait for 6 months for him to feel the bond, it was only fair that he waited too.

And as soon as you finished, Azriel picked you up to take you to your bedroom, as you laughed heartily, you could only imagine how protective [possessive ;) ] he was going to be.

"We should the others know that they wouldn't be seeing us for the next few days."

"We can do that later, I have more important things to do with you." Azriel purred into your ears and you feel your stomach laden with excitement.

"Well, it's a good thing that you decided to get drunk,"

"It is definitely worth it now." You both laughed at that.

As you reached your bedroom, Azriel muttered, " I intend to treat you like a queen." " As you should shadowsinger."

Taglist:

@aroseinvelaris

Till the End of Time ~ Eris x Fem!Reader

Summary: 5 times Eris fell in love with his best friend and 1 time he did something about it

Warnings: Beron Vanserra, fluffy (for the most part), some sexual references, angst here and there and everywhere

word count: 5.6K 

Masterlist

A/N: I have had this concept planned out for a while, and I felt like typing it out today. Idk just feeling lots of love for Eris Vanserra this week!!!! Always Epilogue will be coming out soon I promise, just feeling a little burnt out from it! Also this was also meant to be a drabble because I have to study but I have no self control! (I also didn’t edit this, we are rawdogging this sorry not sorry) Hope you guys enjoy this little fic! Please, as always, like, reblog, and comment your thoughts, you already know it means the absolute world to me! Please eat something, drink a sip of water, and take your meds! Lots of love -Rose <3

1. When they promised to be best friends forever at the age of five

Eris eyed you as you stood behind your mother, hiding behind her like she could protect you from the world. He could have scoffed at the naivety of the little girl. His father had let his five year old son know earlier that morning that he was to be on his best behavior because special guests were coming today. When Eris had questioned who the special guests were, Beron had backhanded him across the cheek for “questioning the High Lord” so hard, that the little lordling was knocked to the floor. His cheek had ached for the rest of the day before his mother, Roux, found him and sobbed as she kissed the tender bruise that formed. She had applied some salve, whispering apologies and sweet nothings into his ear as she rocked him back and forth, cuddling him close before murmuring a glamor enchantment to cover the atrocious crimes of the high lord before his guests.

Keep reading

I Love You, It's Ruining My Life

Pairing: Azriel x Bestfriend! Reader

Summary: Azriel and Reader have been best friends for years, and slowly Reader starts to fall for him. He eventually feels the same way, but after Reader overhears a conversation she wasn’t meant to, she has doubts about him.

Based on this request! 🩷

Warnings: angst with a happy ending, a little swearing

Work Count: 5.2k

You twisted around in front of the mirror, trying to look at the dress from every angle. “What do you think, Az?”

Your friend looked at you, his eyes trailing down your body, and wrinkled his nose. “No.”

“Really?” You faced the mirror again, cocking your head. “I think it’s pretty.”

“It cinches weirdly around your middle,” he said.

You studied yourself in the mirror again, realizing he was right. “Wow. See, this is why I bring you along. Who knew your spymaster focus would be so helpful for fashion.”

He laughed, throwing his head back against the couch he was sitting on, and you couldn’t help but smile. You always felt a twinge of pride whenever you could make the stoic shadowsinger laugh like that.

“So this one, then?” You asked, gesturing to the first dress you had tried on earlier. 

“That is the one,” he shot you a lopsided smile. “The poor fool won’t know what hit him.”

Later, you plopped down into the chair next to Azriel’s in the sitting room at the House, groaning. 

Azriel arched a brow in question. 

“You were right,” you sighed. “He was a fool.”

Az poured you some of the amber liquid he was drinking, handing the glass to you. “What kind of fool? Do I need to defend your honor?” he asked, a hard edge to his voice.

Laughing dryly, you said. “No, nothing like that. Just a lame date. I can’t believe I bought a new dress for that guy.”

He smiled sadly at you. “Hey, the right guy will go crazy for that dress.”

You winced, taking a sip of the drink. “I guess,” you grumbled.

“Come here,” he said, opening his arms. “You know I won’t let you be all grumbly by yourself.” 

Smiling faintly, you rose from your seat and settled in his lap, resting your head on his shoulder, his arms wrapping comfortingly around you. 

“When’s it gonna happen for us, Az? When do we get to find what Rhys and Feyre have?” You asked, quietly. 

He sighed, leaning his cheek into the top of your head. “I don’t know. But at least you and I are alone together.” 

You laughed, and he tightened his arms around you slightly, clearly pleased. You felt your sad heart mending slightly as your best friend in the world held you long into the night.

---

A few days later, you sighed, pushing your food around your plate at lunch in Velaris with Azriel.

Azriel watched you, those hazel eyes calculating. “You’re not still moping about that date, are you?”

“I’m not moping,” you scolded him. “And no, of course it’s not about the date. He is not worthy of my sighs.”

The side of his mouth curved into a smile. “So, what is it then?”

Shrugging noncommittally, you said, “Honestly, I don’t know. I just feel…bummed.”

That smile of his dropped, his mouth thinning into a line. “Are you done eating?”

You blinked, confused. “Yeah, I think so.”

He tossed money onto the table, nodding his head to the side, indicating it was time to go. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?” You asked, rising to follow him.

“You’ll see,” he said, slinging his arm around your shoulders as you walked. 

It took several minutes before you knew what he was planning and you grinned up at him as you realized where he was leading you. 

He smiled, kissing the top of your head as you neared your favorite ice cream shop. 

Your heart swelled as Azriel ordered your favorite ice cream. You should have known. Your parents had always taken you here when you needed a pick-me-up, and Azriel had continued the tradition, knowing it always made you feel better, at least for a little bit.

Gazing up at the man who knew you so very well, your heart began to crack.

---

Azriel wrapped an arm around your shoulder as you settled on the couch beside him, tucking you against his side as his whole family roamed around the River House. 

It had been Feyre’s idea to get everyone together for an evening, just to spend time in each other’s company. 

“How are you?” he said, eyes boring into yours. He had been extra watchful of you lately, since your mood had dimmed weeks ago. He couldn’t understand why this dark cloud had been following you around lately. It broke his heart that he couldn’t fix it.

“Good,” you murmured, smiling faintly at him. 

His brow furrowed, but before he could question you further, Cassian plopped down on the other side of you, grinning.

Cassian pulled your attention then, telling an animated story about how training had been going in the Illyrian mountains. 

Azriel wasn’t really listening, still studying you. You laughed at something that Cassian had said, the sound bright, bouncing off the walls, your smile lighting up your face. The tightness in Azriel’s chest eased a bit.

Feyre and Elain beckoned you into the kitchen then, and you followed, leaving Azriel and Cassian alone in the sitting room for the moment. 

Cassian nodded after you, shooting Azriel a knowing look. “What’s the deal with her?”

“I don’t know,” Azriel said, sighing. “She’s been… off lately.”

Cassian looked contemplative. “Have you ever thought about… you know…” he raised his eyebrows suggestively.

“What, being with her? Romantically?” Azriel furrowed his brow.

“Yeah. I mean, you guys are cuddly enough.”

“Not like that, though,” Azriel said. “No, it’s never been like that between us.”

Cassian shrugged. “Okay. But, you never thought that you might be missing out?”

Azriel thought about it for a moment, what it would be like. “I don’t know. I’ve never thought about her like that.”

“Maybe you should.”

Before Azriel could respond, Nesta stalked into the room, taking Cassian’s attention completely. 

---

It had been months since you had come home from that terrible date, since Azriel had held you that night, since your mind and your heart began to wonder.

Azriel had always been your friend. Though he was beautiful and amazing, you had never before thought about being anything other than his friend. Nothing between you had really changed at all in the last few months, and yet… 

It was Azriel’s face in your mind as you fell asleep. It was Azriel’s touches that you dreamed of, over and over again. It was Azriel, who knew you so well, who was always, always there for you, that occupied your mind day in and day out.

You knew he had sensed a shift in you. But you didn’t think he understood what that shift was. That you had, without even really realizing it, fallen in love with him. 

Cauldron, you were doomed. 

“Where did you just go?” Feyre said, bringing you out of your thoughts.

“Nowhere,” you lied.

She narrowed her eyes at you, bouncing Nyx in her lap. 

“Okay, I actually really need to talk to somebody about this. But if I tell you, you can’t tell anybody, not even Rhys.”

Her eyes widened in surprise, but she nodded in agreement. 

“I kinda have feelings for Azriel.”

Feyre bit her lip, trying to hide her surprise. “Since when?”

You shrugged. “It happened slowly. Little things started sticking out to me all of a sudden and now… Now I can’t stop thinking about him. And I don’t know what to do.”

“You could tell him how you feel,” Feyre offered, smiling softly.

You groaned. “But I don’t think he sees me that way. If I tell him, it could ruin our whole friendship.”

Feyre tilted her head, contemplating. “You think so? Even if he doesn’t feel the same way, he’s Az. I can’t imagine that he would ever abandon someone he loves for any reason.”

“I guess,” you said distantly. “But it would make things really awkward, at the very least.”

Feyre smiled. “Or, it could turn into something amazing.”

You scoffed. “With our luck in love? Unlikely.”

“Maybe nothing has worked out for you two so far because you’re supposed to be together.”

Your heart swelled at the thought, but you stomped down the hope. “Maybe,” you said, your mind wandering again. “Maybe.”

---

Your blood rushed in your ears, your body tense as you and Azriel sat together in the sitting room of the House the next evening. It physically hurt to be near him these days. Your body ached to be close to his.

“What’s up with you?” Azriel asked.

“Nothing, I just…” you trailed off, looking across the room at him, willing yourself to tell the truth. “I love you, Az.”

He smiled. “I love you, too.”

He didn’t get it. He didn’t bat an eye at you, at his friend he had loved platonically for so long. Your heart sank. 

It hurt to look at him now. You knew it couldn't be the same between you, not now that you had foolishly fallen for him. 

You took a sip of your drink, wishing it was stronger, and forced yourself through easy conversation with your best friend. 

---

“What’s wrong?” you asked him immediately upon seeing him weeks later, and Azriel couldn’t help but smile. You had always been able to sense the shift in his mood, even if things had felt… different between the two of you lately.

He sighed. “We’re unlucky in love, you and I.”

You stiffened, and he wondered if he had said something wrong, but continued. “You know, the whole Mor, Elain…thing. I’ve just been thinking about what you said that night ages ago. I just wonder when it’ll happen for us.”

Azriel’s eyes flicked to you, and you gulped, tense in a way he’d never seen when it was just the two of you. “What is it?” he asked.

“Nothing,” you said, too quickly. “I’m sorry. That you’re feeling unlucky in love.”

He lifted a brow. “Are you okay?”

You nodded then stood up quickly, walking toward the door. Azriel stood, wrapping his fingers around your wrist, pulling gently so you would turn back to face him. “Hey. Talk to me,” he said softly.

Your eyes swam with emotion, and you seemed to be pondering what to say. “I can’t talk to you about this,” you said quietly, your voice breaking.

“What do you mean?” Azriel tried to push down the hurt he felt. “We talk about everything.”

“Not this, Az,” you said sadly, before gently pulling your hand out of his grasp and disappearing down the hallway.

What the hell. 

Azriel spent nearly an hour contemplating what had just happened. Were you upset with him? Or were you just keeping something from him? If you were, why?

He ran over the last several weeks in his mind, all of his interactions with you. You had definitely been acting differently around him, sitting further away from him, not spending as much time with him one-on-one, but he assumed you would talk to him when you were ready. Evidently, you still were not ready. But, what could it possibly be that you couldn’t talk to him about it?

It was his relationships, well his lack of relationship with Mor and Elain that seemed to set this off. 

And then he remembered what Cassian had said weeks ago, that maybe he should consider you as a romantic partner. His brother was always smarter than most people gave him credit for. Did Cassian know something? Was he trying to tell Azriel?

His head spun. Did you have feelings for him?

It would actually explain a lot of your behavior for the past few weeks, especially if you thought that he didn’t feel the same way. 

Did he feel the same way?

He sat back in his chair. Why hadn’t he ever considered you before? You were beautiful, of course, and one of the very best people he had ever known. And you were his best friend, who knew him better than he knew himself, in many ways. Who he could talk to about anything. Who already loved him so much. 

Maybe he should be with you. 

He did love you, of course. So… maybe the two of you should give it a shot.

Before he could think it through, he went to your room, knocking gently. He had to know if he was right.

You answered the door in a thin night dress, your hair cascading down your shoulders. Gods, you were beautiful. What an idiot he'd been.

“Az?” You asked.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling your body into his. He gauged your reaction, waiting for you to tense, but you didn't. You melted into him, placing your hand on his chest and gazing up at him with big, beautiful eyes.

Slowly, so slowly, he leaned down, and you tilted your face up to meet him, longing written all over your face. His heart rate spiked as his lips finally met yours.

The kiss was slow, sweet, exploratory. A new dance between old friends. 

You moaned slightly, twining your fingers into his hair, pulling him closer to you.

He growled, pushing you back further into your bedroom, kicking the door shut with his foot.

You had a long night ahead of you.

---

It had been about a week since you and Azriel had stepped into a new form of your relationship.

It was funny, actually. Not that much had actually changed, except you were more comfortable around him now, like you had been before the last few weeks had complicated things. The two of you spent so much time together one on one before, the only difference now was all the kissing and the bedroom activities. And how many times you would tell him that you loved him, your eyes shining with that love.

He was starting to feel like he hadn't thought it all the way through. He loved you. Of course he did. But, he was worried that your love for him was deeper. And he couldn't bear the thought of hurting you.

“Where'd your mind go, Az?” Cassian asked, and Rhysand chuckled.

“He's thinking about his new girlfriend,” Rhys grinned.

Azriel’s jaw tightened. “I'm worried,” he admitted.

“About?” Cassian asked, leaning forward, his full attention on Azriel.

“I think her feelings are deeper than mine. I'm starting to worry that I may have…” he trailed off, not wanting to admit it.

“Settled?” Rhys offered.

Azriel winced, but nodded. “Maybe.”

“What, you don't love her?” Cassian asked.

“I do. Of course I love her.”

“Well, there you go,” Cassian said, waving a hand dismissively. “I think you're overthinking this.”

“Maybe just give it time,” Rhysand said contemplatively. “You know how she is. She feels things very deeply. You might catch up to her faster than you think.”

“Maybe. I hope so,” Azriel said, his mind wandering away again, back to you. Back to the love that shone in your eyes when you looked at him.

He would have to be careful. He would not break your heart. He wouldn't be able to live with himself.

---

Years later, snuggled up to Azriel, watching children screaming and running around the River House the night before Winter Solstice, you couldn’t imagine being happier. 

Azriel and you had been talking about trying for children soon. Your heart swelled as you watched Cassian’s and Rhysand’s children grow up together, picturing your own children growing up in all this love, with cousins and aunts and uncles who would love them so much.

You smiled and Azriel kissed your temple. “I know exactly what you’re thinking,” he murmured into your skin. 

“You do not,” you smiled.

“I do,” he said, ducking his head to whisper in your ear. “You wanna try for a baby tonight?” His breath tickled your ear, his voice dipping suggestively. 

You laughed, playfully shoving him away, and he grinned. “Tonight? The one night a year we sleep under the same roof as our entire family? Absolutely not.” 

He pulled you into his lap, kissing you sweetly. “Tomorrow then?” he whispered. 

You rolled your eyes, but your heart swelled with love. “We’ll see,” you teased. 

Elain called you into the kitchen then, and you went to join her, shooting a wink at Az over your shoulder as you went. He grinned.

Your family was scattered all over the house, leaving Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel alone in the living room next to the kitchen with some of the children.

You could hear them laughing together as you helped Elain prep some of the food for the following morning. 

Your ears perked up when you heard your name and Elain shot you a curious look, clearly eavesdropping along with you.

“Remember when you two first got together?” Rhysand asked, likely to Azriel.

“Yes,” Az chuckled softly. “We’ve come a long way since then.”

“I can’t believe you were ever unsure about her,” Cassian said. “That you were worried you had settled.”

Shock jolted through your entire body, your blood pounding in your ears. You nearly dropped the plate that you were holding.

“I was a fool,” Azriel said, and you could picture him shaking his head slightly. “I can’t imagine life without her. I can’t believe I lasted so long just being her friend.”

“She’s got you wrapped around her little finger,” Rhysand teased. 

“Oh, like you’re not the same with Feyre,” Azriel shot back, and all three brothers erupted into laughter. 

You looked at Elain finally, her expression solemn, like she could see right through to your soul, how broken you felt. 

Without a word, you left the kitchen, going up to the guest room that you and Azriel occupied when you stayed with Feyre and Rhysand. 

Azriel had settled for you. He was sad that night that he first kissed you, sad about not getting a shot with Mor or Elain, so he had gone to the one person he knew would never deny him. 

All this time, all these years, he had just been settling with you because he didn’t want to be alone. You felt sick.

You had fallen in love with him, and to him you were just there. Ready for the taking. That’s why he chose you. 

Your stomach lurched, and you scrambled to the bathroom, spilling your guts, hot tears streaming down your face, sobs shaking your whole body.

---

Azriel frowned sometime later, wondering why you hadn’t come back yet. He wandered away from his brothers, finding Elain alone in the kitchen. She frowned at him as he entered, looking angrier than he had ever seen her. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Why don’t you go ask your wife?”

He furrowed his brow. “What do you mean? Where is she?”

“She went upstairs a while ago,” Elain said curtly, turning back to her pastries. 

Azriel’s heart pounded. What had happened to make Elain angry at him? Why had you gone upstairs without saying goodnight to anyone? 

He rushed up to the room, confused when he didn’t see you anywhere, until he heard you sniffling in the washroom. His heart lurched, panic setting in as he swung the door open, finding you lying on the floor, hugging your legs to your chest, facing away from him. 

He whispered your name, his anxiety increasing. When you didn’t answer, he sat down next to you, rubbing your back soothingly, gently setting your head into his lap. He saw your tear stained cheeks, your red eyes, and the breath was sucked right out of his lungs.

“What happened, love? What is it?” he asked, trying to sound calm.

You refused to look at him, staring ahead blankly. 

He had never seen you like this. “Honey, you’re scaring me, please tell me what’s wrong,” he said, his voice breaking. 

Finally, you sat up and walked back into the bedroom, still not looking at him. As you did, you mumbled, “you settled.”

“What?” he asked, following you into the bedroom. 

You slid under the covers, facing away from him. “You settled with me. You didn’t want to be alone, so you kissed me that night. And you settled with me.”

“I didn’t,” he said, quietly. “I did not settle. I love you. So much.”

You buried yourself further into the covers, hiding yourself from him. His heart ached. “All this time,” you whispered. “All this time. You must have been just waiting for Mor or Elain to change their minds, huh?”

“No,” he said, his voice coming out quiet and crackly. He rounded the bed, willing you to look at him. He settled on his knees, looking into your eyes, cupping your cheek with a scarred hand. “No. It was never like that. It was never about them. I love you, I always have,” he said, willing you to believe him, to feel that he meant it. 

A tear slid down your cheek. His heart broke further as he wiped it away gently with his thumb. “That’s not what Cassian said,” you whispered.

Azriel sighed, his eyes pleading. “I was worried. When we first started dating, I was worried that your feelings were deeper than mine. You always feel things so deeply, my love, and that’s one of the things that I love the most about you. I was scared that I wasn’t at the same level that you were, and you would get hurt because of it.”

“Looks like I have,” you whispered. 

“But it’s not like that now, it hasn’t been like that for years. I’ve known for so long that you are the only person in the world that I could ever want. Please,” Azriel whispered. “Please believe that I am so in love with you. It was one stupid conversation ages ago, and I’m so sorry that I hurt you, but you have to believe me. You are the love of my life.”

“I don’t know how to believe you right now,” you said quietly, your voice breaking. 

Azriel’s heart broke completely. Your face was completely blank in a way he had never seen before. “What can I do?” 

“I don’t know, Az. I need -- I need space.”

He gulped, but nodded, rising to his feet slowly “Okay. I’ll be downstairs, if you need me.”

You didn’t respond. He willed his legs to move, to leave you behind, broken, in the bed you were supposed to share.

Cassian and Rhys were the only people left downstairs by the time he made it back down, drinking and laughing together. 

One look at their brother’s face, and they went silent.

“I fucked up,” Azriel said, taking the glass from Cassian’s hand and shooting the amber liquid back in one gulp.

Cassian handed Azriel the whole bottle, who would have laughed, if he hadn’t ripped his own heart to shreds that night.

He took a swig before saying quietly, “she heard our conversation. She thinks I settled with her.”

“Shit,” Cassian said, his face falling. 

“What did you tell her?” Rhys asked, his expression solemn too.

“The truth. I was worried that in the beginning that she loved me more than I loved her, but now… Gods, I’m so in love with her. But she said she can’t trust me anymore,” he said, a tear running down his cheek before he quickly wiped it away.

His brothers were silent for a moment, thinking. 

After a moment, Cassian said, “Yeah, I don’t know how you fix this, Az.”

Azriel laughed humorlessly, taking another sip from the bottle. “Thanks.”

“She might just need some time,” Rhysand said. 

“You didn’t see her,” Azriel said, his voice breaking again. “She was…” he trailed off and shook his head. “I’ve never seen her like that. She’s wrecked. Because of me.” 

His brothers stayed up with him for a long time, trying to console him, but he eventually sent them away to their happy mates who still loved them. 

He laid on the couch, his wings drooping on the floor, his heart hurting. He hadn’t spent a night away from you since you had gotten together unless he was on a mission. This felt fundamentally wrong.

Eventually, he got up, wandering through the quiet house. He made his way into the study, digging out some paper. He had to fix this. He needed you to understand. 

---

You’d barely slept at all, and winced when the sun started lightly filtering into the room that shouldn’t be so empty. 

You didn’t know how to feel, what to think. You knew Azriel loved you. But was it enough? Was it the same, all-consuming love that you felt for him? 

How could you ever be sure?

After just one night, you missed the heat of his body against yours, hated rolling over to see the other side of the bed empty. 

Cauldron, you had been talking about children less than 12 hours ago, and now…

You shoved the thought away, your eyes still burning from crying all night. You refused to start up again. 

What a Winter Solstice this would turn out to be. Maybe you should just go home.

Alone, in the apartment that you had turned into a home with Azriel. Your bottom lip trembled, and you bit it, hard. You were strong, you would survive this. 

Whatever this ended up being.

Your mind was still spinning and you hadn’t yet gotten out of bed when there was a tentative knock on your door. 

“What?” you said, quietly, your voice not sounding like your own.

Azriel opened the door slowly, studying you as he lingered in the doorway. He looked awful, bags under his eyes, his clothes rumpled, his hair a mess, like he had run his hand through it over and over again. 

“Hey,” he said quietly. 

“Hi,” you replied timidly.

His face fell and you knew why. You had never sounded like that, not with him. 

He took a cautious step into the room, watching you closely. “I made something. For when you're ready,” he said, placing a stack of papers on the bedside table. 

You remained silent, not sure what to say. He swallowed, and turned to leave, but he stopped in the doorway, turning back to you. “I do love you. So much.”

His expression was pained, and you could tell he wanted to say more, but he just looked at you sadly before disappearing behind the door he closed behind him. 

It wasn’t until after you took a long bath that you had the courage to look at the papers he had left for you. You sat on the bed, pulling them into your lap, surprised at how many pages there were. 

On the top, in Azriel’s handwriting it said, “To My Dearest Love.”

Despite everything, you couldn’t stop the swell in your chest, the love that you felt for him. 

You were shocked as you read through page after page. He had written your story, the story of your love from his perspective, every date you had gone on, every Winter Solstice, every milestone. He detailed his thoughts as he went through each of those moments, all the things he loved about you, when he noticed new little things about you, even after being friends for so long. 

Tears were streaming down your face by the time you got to the end, where it read: 

You, my love, are everything. Everything. If you’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of our lives proving it to you. 

I’m sorry that I was a fool. I’ll always be sorry that I hurt you. 

Whatever you decide, whatever you want going forward, I just hope that you’ll know how deeply I love you. 

---

Azriel had gone to the annual snowball fight with his brothers, only for a distraction. But his heart wasn’t in it, and after about ten minutes, his brothers had deemed his snowball game so pathetic that they called it off and all went inside to the cabin to drink. 

He knew he was being tragic company, so Azriel went back to the River House on his own, prepared to find a quiet corner to sulk in by himself. He hoped you had read what he stayed up all night writing, at least. Even if it didn’t change anything… 

He didn’t let himself dwell on what could happen. He didn’t know what he would do if you left him. 

He nearly fell over when he noticed that you were sitting in the living room that he had used his shadows to winnow into. 

You looked surprised too, but not unhappy. Relief flooded through him. 

“Hi,” you said, quietly. 

“Hi,” he said, his voice raspy. 

You stood up, walking toward him slowly, stopping a few steps from him. He longed to hold you, to make it all better, but he stayed where he was.

“I read it,” you whispered. 

He could only nod, his heart in his throat. 

Tears welled up in your eyes, and his heart shattered, terror flooding through him before you closed the distance between you, wrapping your arms around him, burying your face in his chest. 

He hugged you back instantly, holding you to him with crushing force. 

“I don’t want to be mad at you anymore,” you said into his chest. “I love you.”

Azriel felt like he was going to fall over, the only thing that was keeping him standing was you. “I love you,” he said, letting the tears fall freely down his cheeks, resting his chin on the top of your head. “I love you, I’m so sorry.”

You shook your head. “You don’t have to be sorry. I get it now. What you wrote -- it helped me understand. And it was beautiful.”

“I’m still sorry I hurt you,” he said, his voice cracking.

You stood on your tiptoes to kiss him gently. “It’s okay, Az. I’m okay.”

Azriel took your face in his hands gently, kissing you like his life depended on it. He felt like it did. 

You let him kiss you for ages, until the two of you realized that you were no longer alone. Azriel looked up to see that his brothers had winnowed in and were now staring at the two of you. 

“Oh, thank the Mother,” Cassian said, bracing his hands on his knees dramatically before coming up and hugging you, lifting you into the air, while Rhys laughed behind him. “You guys really had me worried.”

“I take it you worked it all out?” Rhysand asked, kissing your cheek after Cassian set you back on the ground. 

“Yeah, we’re okay now,” you said, laughing at them.

Rhysand and Cassian did look extremely relieved, which made Azriel’s heart swell. He would always be thankful for his brothers. 

---

After a surprisingly successful Winter Solstice, you and Azriel made your way back home, now cuddling together in your bed, holding each other tightly. 

Azriel kissed the top of your head. “I’ll always be so thankful for you. I don’t know how I got so lucky.”

You snuggled closer into him. “We’re both lucky.”

Azriel laughed. “Speaking of getting lucky… you want to try for that baby now?”

You gawked at him, incredulously. “What, too soon?” he asked, smirking.

“Males are ridiculous,” you scolded him. 

After a beat, Azriel risked it. “I didn’t hear a no…”

You laughed, pulling him into a kiss. “You’re so stupid.”

Azriel grinned. “Oh, I know.”

@thalia-as-blog @saltedcoffeescotch @batboyrhyrhy @1-s1mp-t00-much

The Best Thing That’s Ever Been Mine

Pairing: CEO Azriel x Coworker Reader

Summary: Azriel and Reader have been dating for a while, effectively keeping it a secret at work, despite their frequent make-out sessions. When a different coworker asks Reader out, Azriel gets very, very jealous.

Based on this request! 🩷

Warnings: Az gets a little possessive, some very brief smutty moments

Word Count: 3.7k

Anne, the secretary, called your name, poking her head into your office. “The boss wants to see you.”

“Thank you,” you smiled faintly at her, smoothing down your skirt under your desk, schooling your face into a neutral mask even as heat rushed through your body.

Tapping your foot, you waited impatiently in the empty elevator, going to the top level where you made your way to the CEO’S office. 

You knocked on the door and he glanced up at you briefly before his eyes landed back on the stack of papers on his desk. “Come in,” he said.

Once you stepped over the threshold, his eyes darkened as they met yours again. “Close the door,” he said gruffly, authority dripping from every part of him. 

Slowly, you closed the door behind you. 

Eyes locked on yours, he stood up, rolling up his shirtsleeves as he stalked toward you, revealing his muscled forearms. 

He stopped when he was toe to toe with you, his body towering over yours. He reached behind you and locked the door.

In the next moment, his hands were on your face and he was kissing you deeply, his tongue sliding into your mouth as you clung to him.

His lips trailed down your neck and you moaned softly, unable to hold it in. He covered your mouth with his hand, smirking into your skin. “If you can't stay quiet, I'll have to send you back to your desk.”

You nipped at his hand with your teeth and he laughed quietly, spinning you around and backing you up toward his desk, his mouth back on yours.

When your ass collided with his massive wooden desk, he lifted you up and sat you on top of it, spreading your legs wide and stepping between them, all without breaking the kiss.

His hand ran up from your calf to your thigh, under your skirt. 

“Az,” you warned, breathlessly.

“Hmm,” he hummed, his hand pausing its ascent, his thumb drawing soothing circles on your skin.

A knock on the door made you both freeze. He sighed into your neck in frustration before silently, expertly helping you to your feet, smoothing your clothes, your hair. 

By the time Azriel casually said, “Come in,” you were seated on opposite sides of his desk, looking for all the world like two coworkers who were having a professional meeting.

Azriel nodded to you politely as the intruder entered his office: your cue to leave.

You stopped in the bathroom before returning to your desk, dabbing cool water on your face, on the back of your neck. 

A year ago, when you had started working here, you remembered meeting your CEO and thinking that he was the most beautiful man you had ever seen. You had spent months daydreaming about him, longing for him to notice you, for him to linger by your desk or look at you during a meeting.

Then one day, it happened. At the end of the day, you were getting on the elevator on your way out and he was in it. Alone. 

You stood side by side, your heart pounding. Standing so close to him, the realization hit you how massive his body was compared to yours, and you couldn’t help but glance at him as you made the descent down to ground level.

He cleared his throat, and your eyes whipped to him. “You look nice today,” he said. 

Immediately, you felt heat rush to your cheeks. “Thank you,” you said, feeling breathless. 

When the side of his mouth turned up into a half smile, you simultaneously realized that you had never seen him smile before, and you would do just about anything to make him do it again.

His eyes bore into yours, alight with an emotion that you couldn’t quite place. 

Quietly, he said your name, taking a step closer to you. 

Azriel must have seen the lust written all over your face because he jabbed the hold elevator button with his thumb, not taking his eyes from yours as the elevator lurched to a halt. 

Another moment later and you were being pushed against the wall, his hands on your neck, in your hair, his lips devouring yours. 

“Is this okay?” he said against your lips, and you could only moan, could only wrap your arms tighter around him. 

That night, you ended up at his massive penthouse, tangled up in his sheets. 

You had been together ever since.

It was thrilling, if you were honest with yourself. Azriel had thought that it would be best to keep your relationship a secret at work. You had readily agreed, not wanting to deal with the potential backlash of people finding out you were sleeping with the boss.

The first time the two of you made out at work after the elevator had been a bit of an accident. You really did need to go to his office to talk to him about something. It was confidential, so you had closed his door behind you.

…And as soon as the business was over, the pleasure started. He had smirked at you, pulled you into his lap, and kissed you senseless.

After that, it became difficult to avoid. Any time the two of you found yourselves alone together, one of you was pulling the other into a kiss.

The fact that you had never been caught only spurred you on further. You did admit that sometimes it got a little reckless. 

But that was all part of the fun.

Unfortunately, you didn't see Azriel for the rest of the day, though you did get a lot of work done because of it.

That evening, you were peering into your near empty refrigerator with a frown, when you got a text.

Azriel: Come over.

You rolled your eyes, smiling. 

You: What's the magic word?

Azriel: Pretty please come over.

You: Much better. 😘

Azriel: So you're coming?

You: I haven't eaten yet…

Azriel: I'll order whatever you want.

You: !!! I'm leaving now.

Mere moments after you knocked on Azriel's front door, he had you pinned against the wall with his body, his length prominent against your ass, his lips on your neck.

“Bitter about how things ended at work, huh?” You asked as his hand traveled up your bare thigh.

He growled into your skin. “You've been on my mind all day.”

“Oh yeah? What have you been thinking about doing?” You teased, pressing your ass further against him.

Immediately he flipped your dress up and pulled your panties down. You dug your fingernails into the wall as he unbuckled his belt.

You moaned, leaning your head back as he entered you in one fluid movement. 

His hips slapped against you over and over again as he moved in quick, deep thrusts. You were both so riled up that it didn't take long for you to finish.

Once you were cleaned up and your clothes were back in place, he kissed you gently before taking your hand and leading you to his massive, unbelievably expensive kitchen that he never used.

Spread on the counter were take out bags from three of your favorite restaurants. 

You looked at him pointedly and he shrugged, smiling faintly. “I didn't know what you wanted, so I got your top three.”

Laughing, you stood up on your tiptoes to kiss him again before getting two plates from the cabinet and opening one of the bags. “You could've just waited to order until I got here,” you said, handing him a plate.

“I couldn't let you go hungry after I ravished you,” he smirked.

You carried your plate to the table, and he sat across from you, falling into companionable silence as you ate.

After dinner, you retired to his bedroom. He had an entire closet of clothes for you there that he had slowly built up after you started dating. You tried to resist at first, but you had to admit it was convenient.

You changed into pajamas and cuddled with him as the two of you fought over the remote. 

“Sweetheart, we watched your show last time,” he said, one hand on your chest to hold you back while he raised the other far above his head, changing the show you had put on to a documentary.

You groaned, flopping back against the massive mattress dramatically. “Az, you pick the most boring shows in the world. Can't you pick an interesting documentary about murder or something?”

He raised an eyebrow at you and you seized your opportunity, pouncing on him and wrestling the remote from his hand.

You rolled to the opposite side of the bed, cradling the remote in your hands and giggling while you changed it back to your favorite reality TV show.

Azriel let out a resigned sigh as he pulled your body back into his. “Alright, fine. You win.”

Grinning, you kissed him and settled into his embrace for the rest of the night.

The next morning, you woke up with Azriel's absurdly early alarm and swore.

“Hmm?” He asked sleepily, kissing you before he even opened his eyes.

“I didn't mean to sleep over on a weekday.”

“Why does it matter?” He mumbled into your skin.

“People can't see us showing up at work together.”

“I can call a car for you,” he said. “Or we can risk it and try to be sneaky,” he smiled, kissing a line down your neck.

“Don't you think we've been risking it enough?” You asked.

Azriel settled back against the pillows again. “I don't know. With you I feel pretty invincible,” he smirked.

You rolled your eyes and he laughed. “It's up to you,” he said, kissing you one more time before padding to the adjacent bathroom. 

You followed him, stopping in front of your side of the double sinks, pulling out your toothbrush in tandem with him. He faced you as you both brushed your teeth, gently brushing stray hair out of your face. You shook your head, smiling lightly, though you did love this side of him, the one that could make any menial task feel romantic. 

He kissed your temple after you had both brushed your teeth, and you took out the makeup and hair products from the drawer he had set aside for you as he stepped into the shower. 

By the time Azriel was out of the shower, you were still finishing up your makeup. He stood behind you, smiling softly, watching your reflection as he wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his chin on the top of your head, a fluffy towel wrapped around his waist. Even after all this time, he still gave you butterflies, still set your body on fire when he touched you. 

“You’re gorgeous,” he said softly.

You couldn’t help but smile. “You’re unbelievably hot,” you said, your voice teasing but your eyes alight. 

He barked out a laugh before kissing the top of your head and sauntering back into his bedroom. “Good to know you still think so.”

Shortly after, your makeup was done and your hair looked presentable, and you joined him in the bedroom, where he was pulling his pants on, still shirtless. 

“It was my first thought, you know,” you said, arms crossed, eyes intently watching his body, every ripple of the muscles in his forearms, his biceps, his stomach. 

“What was?” he asked, looking up at you as he slung his shirt on, buttoning it up. 

“The first time I saw you. All I could think was that you’re the hottest man I’d ever seen.”

His smile turned slightly predatory as he stalked closer to you, the top few buttons of his shirt left undone. “I know. I could see it in your eyes,” he murmured, bringing his hands to your waist, his lips drifting closer and closer to yours. 

“You could?” you breathed.

“Well, I saw some kind of spark,” he said, slowly moving his mouth to your ear before playfully taking your earlobe in between his teeth. “I was hoping it was for me.”

Your breath came out in a soft exhale, your heart rate picking up speed. “We need to leave soon,” you said, trying to focus.

“Yes, we do,” he murmured, before kissing you softly, cradling your face in both his hands. 

It took every bit of effort you had to gently push him away. “Get dressed,” you said breathlessly. 

He laughed, reaching up and buttoning his shirt as you pulled out a skirt and blouse from “your” closet. “As you wish, my love,” he said, his eyes shining with amusement.

You couldn’t get enough of him that morning. So, you decided to take your chances and ride with him to work. His sportscar’s windows were tinted so extremely that nobody could possibly see in, and Azriel made it a point to always be the first one in the office, so you hoped that there wouldn’t be anyone around to see you get out of the luxury vehicle. 

His hand rested casually on your thigh as he drove, and your eyes were glued to him. With his designer sunglasses, his pristine suit, his expensive watch, he looked like he should be on the cover of some magazine for rich men, making them all drool with envy. 

Sure enough, the parking lot was completely empty when Azriel pulled into his reserved parking space. 

He smirked at you, squeezing your thigh. “I told you it would be fine, baby,” he murmured, leaning in to give you a long, slow kiss. 

You let yourself sink into the kiss, into the feeling of him, for a few beautiful moments. 

After a bit, you went inside hand in hand, thankful for the empty hallways. In the elevator, he pulled your body to his, threading his fingers through your hair, kissing you until the doors opened. 

He walked you to your office and lingered in your doorway, still holding onto your hand, giving you one more kiss before he went up to his office, shooting you a bright smile over his shoulder.

Through most of the work day, you didn’t see Azriel and kept to yourself in your office.

That is, until Spencer showed up, knocking on your door with a smirk before entering your office, leaving the door ajar. It was toward the end of the day, and most of the office had cleared out by then. 

Spencer wasn't your favorite person in the office. He was a cocky asshole, to put it blatantly. Nobody really liked to work with him, but especially not the women. His ego was bigger than anyone's, though he had done absolutely nothing to deserve it.

“Hey,” he said with a crooked smile, leaning casually against the door frame.

“Hi, Spencer,” you said, trying to keep your voice mild. “What's up?”

“I was thinking that you and I should get dinner sometime,” he said, shooting you a cocky grin that you had seen him use on other women in this very office.

You raised your eyebrow, saying cautiously, “Like a date?”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “If you want to call it that.”

Fighting the urge to scowl, you said politely, “No, thanks. I have a boyfriend.”

He looked annoyed, like he wanted to say more, but thought better of it. He blundered through a somewhat awkward goodbye before he left you alone in your office again.

As soon as Spencer's footsteps faded, Azriel was in your office, his eyes on fire.

“What,” you said, surprised, “Did you hear all that?”

He growled, kicking your door shut before he was taking your hand and pulling you upright, kissing you hard, his tongue and hands unyielding.

You gasped in surprise as he lifted you in his arms and set you on your desk, still kissing you relentlessly, his hands wandering over your thighs, your cheeks.

“Az,” you breathed, but he cut you off with another searing kiss.

“You're mine,” he said against your mouth.

“Of course I am,” you said, leaning back slightly, trying to suck air into your lungs.

“Say it,” he ground out before kissing you senseless again.

“I'm yours,” you gasped, clutching to him. 

He pulled back finally, holding your face in his hands, gazing into your eyes. “And I'm yours,” he said.

“Az,” you said gently, running your thumb on his bicep in what you hoped were soothing movements. “I love you. You know that.”

“I know,” he said, breathing heavily. “I just-- that pissed me off. That guy really fucking pisses me off.”

You laughed, despite yourself. “Me too.”

He sighed, kissing you softly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you said, leaning in to kiss him again. 

“I'm sorry I got -- you know,” he winced slightly.

“You don't have to worry about anybody else,” you said. “You're the one I want.”

“I know,” he murmured, kissing you softly. 

Spencer must have really gotten to Azriel, because he took you out to an extremely expensive restaurant that night, and he didn’t take his eyes off you for a moment while you were there.

You couldn’t help but grimace as you looked at the menu, some of the prices for an entree were more than you’d spend on food in a week. 

“Get whatever you want,” Azriel said, reading your thoughts.

“Az, these prices are ridiculous.”

He smiled faintly. “Get whatever you want,” he repeated, his eyes softening. 

You sighed, and when the waiter came by, you did indeed get what you wanted. 

As soon as you were alone, he reached for your hand across the table. “I am sorry about earlier.”

“It’s okay,” you said. “I just don’t get why you got so jealous. Spencer’s a sleaze.”

Azriel laughed lightly. “You’re the most important person in my life,” he said, his eyes sparkling under the dim lights. “I love you. I don’t like that an asshole like him thinks about you.”

You ran your thumb along his hand absentmindedly. “I’m sure he’s already moved onto thinking about somebody else.”

His eyes darkened slightly. “He better have.”

For the rest of the evening, his hands were on you, like he didn’t want to let you go. 

The following day, there was a mandatory meeting that Azriel was leading, one that both you and Spencer would be required to attend. 

You didn’t think much of it. You and Azriel had been in countless meetings together since you had started dating, and the two of you had always been perfectly capable of remaining professional throughout them, never raising any suspicion that you knew of.

Azriel, as always, was the first one in the boardroom, sitting at the head of the table with his laptop open, a stack of notes next to it.

He smirked and winked at you as you walked in and sat down a few seats away from him. 

“How are you today?” you asked pleasantly, as if you hadn’t woken up in his bed and already snuck up to his office once that morning. 

“I’m doing well, how are you?” he said in his boss-making-small-talk-with-his-employees voice.  

You nodded as a few of your coworkers wandered in, laptops under their arms. “Oh, you know. Can’t complain.”

Azriel turned his attention to the people settling in around the room, getting the pleasantries out of the way. This was a part of the job that he hated, you knew. He would much prefer to stay silent unless absolutely necessary, but he also wanted his employees to like him, to trust him.

Everything was pretty business as usual, until Spencer walked in and sat right next to you. Even from where you were sitting, you noticed Azriel’s muscles tense. There were half a dozen other open seats that Spencer could have sat in, and you were sure that Azriel was thinking the very same thing.

Spencer smirked at you as he opened his laptop. “How was your night?”

“Fine?” You said, using all of your focus to keep your eyes from flitting over to Azriel.

“Just fine?” Spencer asked, clearly amused. “Hmm. Sounds like it could've been better if you hadn't turned me down.”

Before you could form a response, Azriel cleared his throat, starting the meeting abruptly, his eyes practically burning a hole into the side of Spencer's head. 

Azriel, who was usually so good at concealing his emotions, at wearing his face in a mask of indifference, was visibly ruffled. There was a slight edge to his voice as he updated us, his eyes narrowing slightly every time they drifted over Spencer.

You wanted to reach out to him, to try and bring him back down to earth, but you obviously couldn't do that.

When he turned the focus over to someone else who started updating everyone about recent developments, his eyes landed on you and finally softened a bit. You smiled faintly at him and he seemed to relax.

It was an effort to focus on the meeting, to not stare across the table at Azriel.

Later, when Azriel said you all were free to go, you jumped up and exited quickly so you wouldn't have to deal with any more idiotic comments from Spencer.

You hid out for a little bit before you deemed it safe to go up to Azriel's office. You knocked lightly on the open door and he looked up from his desk and nodded toward the door behind you to close it.

You closed the door quietly behind you and went to him. He wrapped his arms around your waist, leaning into you. 

“It would be wrong to fire him, right?”

You laughed, leaning in to kiss him. “Yes.”

He sighed. “Right.”

Gently, you took his face in your hands. “Ignore him.”

Frowning, he said, “When he's making comments like that to you?”

“Yes,” you said, kissing him softly. “I can handle myself if he says something like that again.” 

He nodded. “I know you can.”

For a few moments, he just gazed at you. “What is it?” You asked.

Smiling, he said, “It's just… I love you.”

Kissing him sweetly, you said, “I love you, too.”

@loving-and-dreaming @birdsflyhome @hanuh @sheblogs @iambored24601 @thalia-as-blog @evergreenlark @ecliphttlunar @bookloverandalsocats @melmo567 @headacheseason @sillysillygoose444 @yourqueenlilith @mariamay02 @halibshepherd @azrielshadows1nger @cigvrette-dvydrevms

Cassian X Fem Reader

Summary: Cassian a loyal friend. One who knows what each one of his family member needs and does his best to provide them with the care they deserve. Being someone's light at the end of their tunnel comes with a price. Sometimes Cassian needs someone to shower him with the love and care he so freely gives to others.

Content Warnings: Poor Mental Health, and not taking care of of one's self properly

Sara's Notes: Hey before you dive in, I need to give credit to @riddlesb1tch for this idea. I ready This fic and it really inspired me so I beg you to read this first!

Tag List Request ACOTAR Masterlist

Dividers by @tsunami-of-tears

Cassian landed on his balcony in the house of wind with a thud, he barely had enough energy to fly to his room. He knew he wouldn’t be able to provide the joy or give his friends the attention they deserved. His body felt weighed down by bricks, each step toward his bed more difficult than the last. He didn’t bother taking off his leathers as he collapsed to his bed.

The general’s thoughts were swarming in rapid speed, and he knew that it would prevent him from sleeping. Guilt slammed into him as though he a wall collapsed on him. Closing his eyes he tried to focus on his breathing as the correlating panic began to build. Cassian bit his lip trying to keep it from wobbling as tears began to pool behind his eyelids. The heavy feeling in his chest not easing, his usual breathing techniques failing him.

The Lord of Bloodshed knew his friends were struggling and relied on him for guidance, a punching bag, a comforting hug. Yet here he was battling an internal war that he was losing. A battle no one close to him knew he was fighting and have been since the war.

Yet guilt was consuming him and he let out a pained whimper. As though his wings were once again shredded.

Cassian was barely able to conjure enough energy to illuminate his siphons let alone be there when his family needed him.

Bustard.

Brute.

Pathetic.

 These feelings would pass, they always did, but first he would rest his eyes and try to not let the weight of world crush him. Try not to let the guilt of letting his family down, of letting you down consume him. And it was the look of disappointment on your features that flashed into his mind before the darkness consumed him whole and his body gave in.

You finished off doing your stretches with Azriel in the training ring looking at the entryway from the house. You were bursting with excitement, as you had just got home from a long mission and missed the routine that came with training, but you had simply missed Cassian. His smile, his warm embrace, the way his hair would tickle your nose when held you tightly in his arms, His presence alone calmed you down on days when your anxiety would spike. A pinky wrapped around your own, a hand on your shoulder, or a wing tucking you closer toward the Illyrian warrior, his touch became one you were dependent on and growing to yearn for.

An hour went by, you refused to move an inch not wanting to start without Cassian, not wanting to miss an opportunity to show him you’d been practicing while you were away. Not wanting to miss the look of pride on his face when he learned you finally mastered the maneuver that had been taking you months to.

Another hour went by.

And another.

It was at the fourth hour that Azriel kissed the crown of your head, “I have to go.” He whispered, but his words fell on deaf ears as you remained planted in the center of the sparring ring; your eyes never leaving the door hoping red illumination would brighten the dark, cold corridor.   “Sweetheart, he is in his room. Go” You turned to see a shadow swirling near his ear, Azriel’s eyes holding a slight worry in them. He splayed a palm on your back and lightly pushed you, urging you to go inside.

You wrapped your arms around the shadowsinger before he could began pushing you to the doorway, “Safe travels, Az.”  You pulled away and bolted into the enchanted house that you, Azriel and Cassian called home. The hall became a blur of blacks and grays until you reached the familiar door of the General’s room. You lightly knocked, “Cassian,” you called out slightly out of breath by your endeavor silence met you after you called out to him. You knocked once more, “Hey, I missed you at training this morning.” You had missed him, his smile, his warm hazel eyes, his beautiful silky hair. Being away from him for so long left an ache in your chest. “Cassie?”

Worry etched your eyebrow; you opened the door just enough to peek inside. Cassian’s back was facing you, wings tucked in. His curtains were drawn tightly ensuring no sun came into his room. His shoulders were rising and falling in slow steady beats, all indication that he was asleep. “I’ll check in on you later then, sleepy boy,” you whispered. Shutting the door you began walking away, concern weighing down on you with every step away from the Lord of Bloodshed’s door. Approaching the stairs you paused, looking back at the shut door. Your heart aching for the male on lying on the other side.

Cassian listened for the door to latch before he allowed the tears to cascade down his cheeks. Guilt overrides his senses and for a brief moment he wasn’t thinking about those heavy burdens he shouldered. His only thought was that in the haze of his grief and self-loathing he failed the one person he cared for most:

You.

The General knew you were coming home, and he had tried to swallow the heaviness of his feelings for you, but his bones felt as though they were weighted down. The guilt of missing your training had caused him to groan in pain and suddenly he wasn’t reaching to get out of his bed. No, his mind took him to the last time he crawled to you.

Cassian had heard your scream from the sky, only to find you clutching your side as you collapsed to the floor, not before you sunk your blade into the chest of your attacker, the strike hitting true to the target. Distracted by your injury, Cassian had left himself open for an attack and several ash arrows pierce the leather of his wings. The male howled in pain as he tumbled to the ground as Hybern’s armies pushed the line.

Colliding with the solid ground he heard the snapping of his bone, and he winced in pain. Blinking away the blood from his eyes, he lifted his head, and his blood ran cold. You were curled in a fetal position, your leathers torn and sweat coated hair struck to the side of your face, not noticing the Hybern soldier preparing his sword behind you. With a lift of his hand he summoned his power, what little he had left to spare and blast the soldier away from you. You were quick to cover your ears with a whimper escaping your lips.

The General began to crawl with his one functioning arm, gritting his teeth as he did so. The strain on his body, sweat and blood swirling together and dripping along side his face. The battle around him since forgotten he had one goal in mind and that was reach you.

“Sweetheart,” Cassian called out as he reaches out his hand, “Come to me.”

“It hurts Cassian, my whole body feels like it’s on fire. Make it stop. Please. Make it stop.”

 Cassian placed a pillow over his face as the sounds of your pleas rang in his head:

Please

Please

Please

Cassian let out a sob, and another one until his cries drowned out the strained voice of your own from all those years ago. Before he could stop them, his mind began to spiral into all his failings.

Azriel; never getting the protection he deserved as a child.

Rhysand sacrificing fifty years of his life in order to keep him and Velaris safe.

Feyre being forced to return to the spring.

Nesta and Elain being made.

Azriel’s wings getting shredded.

You getting injured on the battlefield.

The pained expression of yours when he left that night after Nesta on solstice, as you held out a gift out with his name on it.

Cassian hated himself for making you feel like you were less than. What you didn’t know was that when you ran out to get his gift Nesta had made a cruel comment about your character right as she collected her money for rent and made her way to her seedy apartment. Cassian’s anger and protectiveness of you won out from his rationality to let the eldest Archeron walk away. The cost was seeing the hurt on your face that you tried so desperately to hide from him had broken something in him. You suddenly became quiet; you were biting your lip so that it wouldn’t betray your real emotions.

Not being able to handle another moment of your behavior; the Lord of Bloodshed had scooped you in his arms and pressed your face into his shoulder. In mere minutes, he felt your shoulders shake and the sound that followed had been branded on Cassian’s soul. The blood curdling cry finally releasing the months of pent-up emotions from the war and everything that predated it was released. The rest of the Inner Circle were quick to leave the duo to their privacy as Cassian soothingly rubbed your back, whispering sweet words to calm you down.

The two of you had never talked about that night but by the next day you were bantering with him as though nothing happened, but he could see the distance in your eyes. As a result, he pushed you harder in training until you had let out all the fears and doubts that had crept into your mind after years of keeping quiet about it.

Cassian had felt guilty and still did about not being able to see how you were hurting and withdrawing from the others. He had failed you in so many ways. He couldn’t even pull a recent memory of when you smiled at him last and in its place the pained expression on the battlefield urged Cassian out of bed to try to find you. The General’s limbs still weighed him down and he only managed a few steps before his legs failed him and he collapsed to his knees. He didn’t have the energy to cry out in pain. Instead, he collapsed onto the cool carpet and resigned to lay there until the weight of his chest lifted or caused his heart to stop beating all together.

He simply wasn’t aware that there was a shimmering gold connection blown opened wide, and his emotions were flooding to the one person he didn’t want to see like this.

You.

You sat in the dining hall and pushed around your food once again keeping your eyes glued to the door where the hall was illuminated by dimmed fae lights. You waited for Cassian to come join you for dinner figuring he would be awake by then. You pressed your lips in a tight line opting to drop your fork on your plate and smooth out the skirt of the new red gown you had bought. The gown was the finest silk with a corset bodice that had mesh revealing your bare skin. You wanted to look nice for the occasion of finally being able to See Cassian.

He never appeared; you had waited until the candles had burned down to nubs before you rose. “Bring me a plate, please.” You called out and the house provided a plate of all of Cassian’s favorites along with a goblet of wine. “Thank you.” Straightening your spine you rose from your seat; grabbing the plate and the wine and set off toward Cassian’s room.

Something was wrong. You felt it in the tightness in your chest as you grew near his room.  You were halfway down the hall when you felt it.

Anguish.

Self-Loathing.

Guilt.

You gritted your teeth to ground yourself from the waves of emotion bombarding you but it’s what came after that caused you to drop the plate and goblet in your hands, not caring that the contents have splashed up onto your skirts. The feeling causing tears to prickle in the back of your eyes.

Numbness

“Cassian!” You screamed, as you bolted toward his room. You reached his room, not caring that you slammed his door almost pulling it from its hinges. The sight before you elicited a sob to escape your throat. “Cassian.” You whimper.

The male you admired more than anything in this world was lying on the ground; his eyes puffy and glossed over his cheeks, having fresh tears streaming down. You slowly approach the male, and with a furrowed brow and tears falling of your own, you lay on the floor beside him. His arm instinctively gripped your waist. Your tender fingers find his face, and his dulled hazel eyes look into yours. “Cassie, what’s going on?”

“I’m Fine.” His voice was hoarse as if he spent most of the day crying.

“You’re not.” You countered.

“I will be.”

Your thumb stroked the stray tears from his face, and you shake your head. “No, Baby.” You sighed, pressing your forehead against his, and he gripped your waist tighter. “What happened?”

Cassian could feel the emotions stirring again and as if his darkness called to you, you responded with light and the feelings of love, and being cared for flooded him combating the dark feelings he was close to fully submitting to. “It’s too much. I feel like I’m drowning.” He whispered, his thumb stroking your waist and feeling the mesh material, solidifying you were here.

You had come for him.

You pulled your head away from his and rose to your feet. “On your feet, General.” Cassian sits up as you hold out your hand for him to take. His calloused fingers wrap around yours and you help pull him up to his feet quickly placing his arm over your shoulder your arm slid around his waist. Cassian took in your scent of berries and a hint of vanilla, and the weight lifted slightly from his chest.

“I can take care of myself.” Cassian grumbles as he hears the house start the water for a bath for him.

“I know you can.” Your tone soft, tears were still running down your face. “Your hurting, and its clear you need someone to take care of you.” You looked up at him and your thumb rubs lazy circles on the top of his hand. “Cassian, you always take such great care of me.” You gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “Allow me to take care of you. Please.”

Cassian took a moment to study your face, sadness was there but not an ounce of pity in your features. You looked determined to help whether he agreed or not. “Okay.”

You grinned at him and sharply took a breath, relieved that that he could do so without the dark wall crushing his lungs. You were the light that he needed; your touch mended wounds not visible to the naked eye but have been festering inside Cassian for centuries. And then you led him to the bathroom and helped him remove his leathers. Cassian simply knew one thing.

You were his salvation.

The warmth of the bath loosened the tense muscles of the Illyrian warrior. He hummed as the warm water caressed his wings. Cassian’s eyes slid to where you were gathering supplies, noticing the new dress you were wearing and how it hugged your figure beautifully. His eyes drifted down, and guilt bubbled up as he saw the stains on the bottom. “Where did the stains on your dress came from?” Cassian cleared his throat as it was still dry, and you moved closer with a glass of water in your hands and various soaps.

“Don’t worry about it.” You muttered kneeling down beside him and reaching toward him gently placing the glass to his lips and he greedily took large swigs, the cold water easing the soreness of his throat. You smiled at him as you placed the glass down.

Reaching for some soap Cassian gripped your wrist, “Did you ruin your new dress because of me?” Your eyes widened, his voice wavered, you had never seen this side of Cassian before.

You sighed. Standing up you begin to undo the corset. Cassian tilted his head in confusion until you let the bodice fall and the skirts pulled at your feet and Cassian couldn’t help but stare at your ethereal form. You picked up your dress and walked out of the room. Moments go by before Cassian hears the roar of the fire crackling and you have returned with one of his shirts on your body. “There. Nothing to worry about now.” You smiled as you took your spot kneeling beside him.

“Sweetheart-

“Hush, Cassian.” He shut his mouth, “You will always be more important to me than a silly dress.” You gently tilt his head back and wet his hair. He watched you work as you lathered the shampoo in your hands and began massaging his scalp. He groaned and you smiled as you could feel the weight of what he’s been holding onto begins to melt away. Feeling brave you asked, “Do these episodes happen often?” You rinse out his hair meeting his eyes.

“They have been more frequent as of late. This was the first time; I couldn’t manage it.” Cassian murmured. As you warmed the soap you would use to wash his body. He continued as you began to rub the rag down his back, “It started small, things I could handle, a fleeting insecurity here. An insult that lingered over there. Lately though.” He sighed. As you began to delicately wash his wings, something you had done countless times before. “It feels like the thoughts build and stack on each other until one day the comes in a colossal wave and I get swept up in the current.”

You paused and angled yourself so you could meet his eyes. “Cassian, does this happen when everyone is coming to you for their problems?” Cassian averted your gaze but your delicate hand against his chin had him looking back at you. “Be honest.”

The General nodded his head. He watched as You schooled your features into one of neutrality, but Cassian knew better.

You were blaming yourself.

“Stop it.” He quipped.

“Stop what?” You throw back as you finish washing his body.

“Stop blaming yourself.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.” You handed him a towel as you crossed your arms. Wrapping the towel around his waist he approached you and you had to crane your neck to look at him. “Sweetheart, I’m okay.”

“You’re not.” You whispered, “Cassian, I Felt what you were feeling. It felt as though someone was ripping my heart out.” You gripped his hand on your own and placed a gentle kiss to his knuckles. “I’m sorry I should have seen the signs. I failed you.”

Cassian’s eyes widened at her words. “You almost died under my command.” He whispered. Your head whipped up at his confession.

“No, baby.” You shook your head, “What happened at Hybern was my mistake, but something tells me that no matter how hard I try to convince you. You won’t be convinced. We can talk about it. Tomorrow. Tonight is simply about taking care of you.” You led him into the bedroom and Cassian squeezed your hand looking for comfort.

And his lips tilt upward when he felt a light squeeze in return.

Cassian was in heaven. He had you straddling his lap watching the flames erupt as you brushed his long dark hair. His calloused hands skimmed your thighs his thumb tracing circles idly on your bare skin. Placing your hands on his shoulders you smiled, “Can I braid your hair?”

Cassian rolled his eyes, “No.”

His honey glazed eyes slowly returning from the dull pits they were, stared at you as you pouted. Rolling his eyes for a second time, “Fine.” Your face brightening caused him to smile, and you paused as you slid off his lap. “What?”

“You smiled for the first time today?” You whispered, “I was worried I was getting annoying.”

“Rhys is annoying. Mor is annoying. Your company, my dear,” He took a steadying breath grabbing your hand. “Brings me out of the darkest corners of my mind.” He began kissing the inside of your palm, “My light.” He kissed your thumb, and you could barely get air in your passageways, “My star.” He kept kissing fingers until his eyes locked on yours. “My mate.” He kissed your pulse point on your wrist. Before releasing you, fighting every urge to kiss you. “How long did you know?”

“The war.” You shift on your feet. “I should have told you-

Cassian gripped your waist, and you sat back on his lap, the idea of braiding his hair long gone. His mouth seals over yours for a gentle chaste kiss. “I knew too.” The words warm the gold bond that is shining brighter since you arrived. “This wasn’t how I wanted to have this conversation.”

You ran your fingers through his hair. “Cass, I don’t want to have this conversation tonight. We have to talk about other things.”

He tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “I know, Let’s talk about it tomorrow. All of it.” He cups your cheek, and you lean into his palm. “Right now, I would like to sleep.”

Your eyes locked onto his. “Tomorrow?” You question.

He gives a curt nod. “Tomorrow.”

You smile, “Let’s go to bed.”

Cassian held you in his arms as you slept nuzzled against his bare chest. His wings provide you with extra warmth. He smiled as the female of his dreams was his, and with her near, the loud dark voices faded away as new ones took its place.

Loved.

Worthy.

Brave.

Mated.

A loving friend.

A kind soul.

Words you had used to describe him before you fell asleep and in tandem with you sending love down the bond Cassian believed he could be those things. That he was worth asking for help as much as he was willing to provide it. He kissed the top of your head, and you tucked your head deeper in his chest. “I love you, sweetheart.”

You didn’t stir or mumble anything in return, but he could feel your love through the bond and his eyes watered at the overwhelming joy.

He was worthy of having a mate.

Worthy of having someone to go on adventures with.

Worthy to have someone pull him from the depths of his despair as he had done countless times for others.

Worthy of Laughing.

Worthy of joy.

Worthy of you.

Cassian, General of the Night Court’s Armies, The Lord of Bloodshed was Worthy

~Fin

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A ficlet inspired by @too-manybooks's post about Nesta making Eris his High Lady and some of his power transferring to her, because my main fic is a slog right now and I couldn't resist the prompt.

The fire in my veins (Neris)

[4584 words]

This is set a decade or so into the future, because while we can make people with no political experience and little knowledge of the places or people they will rule over into High Ladies instantly just 'cause we we have a boner for them, it probably doesn't serve them or their courts to do so. I said what I said. Also, the stupid ass deathbaby subplot doesn't exist and Nesta got to keep her powers. TL:DR, pure wish fulfilment.

Eris watched fondly from the back of the room as his lady, his Queen, held the rapt attention of the roomful of adolescent girls.

“Now, I understand that all of this is very new to you,” she was saying. “You’re used to deferring to the males in your life. That’s how it’s always been. But I’m here to tell you that you matter. What you want matters. That’s why the High Lord-” here she paused to glance over at Eris, flashing him an almost imperceptible smile, “-and I have made these changes to the law.”

Eris hadn’t even realised she’d seen them come in. But of course she had. His wife was always aware of everything.

“So marriage, if it occurs at all, will be your choice,” she went on. “No marriage licences will be issued without the express consent of the couple, both parties. Which must be given in person at the local registry office. If anybody attempts to coerce consent from you, there are systems in place to deal with that and help available to you, both practical and financial support.” She looked around the room, making eye contact with each of the girls in turn to emphasize her point. “No female of the Autumn Court will ever again be subjugated by a male. Not her father, not her husband. Not even her mate. Not while I live and breathe,” she vowed.

“Mama is so smart,” Cordelia breathed beside him. “Everyone listens to her.”

Eris smiled down at his daughter, squeezed her hand. She was, and they did. And their little girl was turning out to be just like her.

“Of course, if you do wish to marry of your own free will, that will always be supported,” Nesta continued. “Whether the person you wish to wed is a male or a female.” There was a little gasp and a few titters here, which drew an easy smile from Nesta before she went on. “But I would encourage you to ensure you experience a little of the world and all it has to offer before you consider such a commitment. Don’t neglect your education, especially. The Lady Vanserra Academy is open to you all. Regardless of your previous standard of education, there is a place for you there.”

The Academy was a passion project between Nesta and his mother – and named for the latter, although the title of Lady was now technically held by Nesta. She was Lady Archeron, though – when they had married, she had been firm about retaining that link to her human heritage. As long as she agreed to be his wife, Eris couldn’t have cared less what name she went by.

“The final thing I want to discuss today is violence in the home,” Nesta said, any trace of levity gone from her expression. “This is a subject close to my heart, and the High Lord’s as well.” Nesta again shot him a fleeting glance.

“What occurs in the home happens behind closed doors. It is especially insidious for that reason. And this kind of violence doesn’t always look obvious and doesn’t always leave bruises.” Silver flashed in her eyes and she took a breath. “It can come in the form of being forced into situations you don’t want to be a part of. It can look like choices being taken away from you. It can be sexual violence. It can be constant belittling, angry and hurtful words. It can look like neglect. Like financial control and dependence. It can come in many, many forms. And none of them are acceptable.”

“Any person found to be a perpetrator of violence in the home will be suitably dealt with, with possible punishments including imprisonment and banishment from the Autumn Court for the most serious offenses,” Nesta continued. “But it’s less about punishing the offenders than protecting the victims. So if you find yourself a victim of violence in the home at any stage, I want you to know two things – first of all, it’s not your fault.” She looked around at the girls. “It is never, ever your fault. There is nothing you could do that justifies that type of behavior. Secondly, in this court there will always be help available. I’d like to invite my friend, Gwyneth Berdara, to tell you more about that.”

Gwyn had been sitting among the audience, but now she rose to her feet and came to join Nesta at the front of the room. She saw Eris and Cordelia at the back and gave them a little wave. She was wearing Autumn-style attire, brown suede pants and a plain bronze-coloured tunic, rather than her priestess robes. But her pale blue invoking stone rested at her forehead, reflecting the light.

“Hello, everyone,” she said, her warm voice betraying no nerves at addressing such a large group. Gwyn had come a long way. “I’d like to thank Lady Nesta for inviting me here today. For those who don’t know who I am-”

A few giggles and a little murmur went around the room at this, and Eris grinned. After the role Gwyneth Berdara, priestess and Valkyrie, had played in the battle against Koschei, there was nobody in all of Prythian who didn’t know who she was. And there was probably not one young female in this room who wouldn’t consider her an idol, and rightly so.

Gwyn smiled and ducked her head for a second. “For those who don’t know who I am,” she repeated, “I am the Director of The Sanctuary, a place of safety for females and children escaping violence. Our centre provides a place for people to stay, receive support and treatment – counselling, financial help, educational support, employment training – anything you need, really, to get you to a point where you feel confident enough to face the world again.”

Gwyn looked out at the sea of faces. “I was a victim of violence myself once,” she said calmly. “I understand how it rips your foundations out from under you, how it destroys your confidence. I was fortunate to be given a safe place to heal from that trauma, and our mission at The Sanctuary is to do the same for every female and youngling that needs it. I work with a team of priestesses who receive special training to understand the needs of victims.” She paused for a moment. “I hope none of you ever have need of our services. But if you do, if any of your friends or loved ones do, we’re there.”

Gwyn resumed her seat and Nesta spoke once again. “That’s everything we wanted to discuss today. I just want you all to know that each and every one of you is vital to the future of the Autumn Court. I hope you will all value yourselves the way the High Lord and I do. If any of you are interested in finding out more about the Academy, Lady Vanserra is available in the parlour and would be happy to speak with you. Thank you for coming today.”

The girls applauded politely before slowly making their way out of the room, chattering to one another and occasionally shooting shy glances in his direction or cooing at Cordelia as they passed. Eventually only the four of them were left. Eris quickly helped Nesta and Gwyn to stack the chairs at one end of the room while Cordelia sat on the floor, playing with a toy Elain and Lucien had sent her from Day. It was a little crystal mounted on a wand that made beams of rainbow light dance as she wielded it. Cordelia was enchanted by it.

“Whatcha got there, Cordi-lou?” Gwyn asked, kneeling down beside her when they had finished tidying the room.

“It’s a magic stick,” Cordelia explained. “It makes rainbows.”

“Oh, so pretty!” Gwyn enthused. “Listen, I was wondering if you’d like to come to the evening service with me and hear the singing?”

“Yesssss!” Cordelia said happily. She was too young to understand the services, but she loved the music as much as Nesta did. “Can I bring my rainbow stick?”

“I don’t see why not,” Gwyn agreed. “As long as you don’t wave it around during the service.”

“I won’t,” Cordelia promised. “Is Uncle Az coming?” She adored Gwyn’s mate, and the feeling was mutual.

“No sweetie, he’s in Velaris just now,” Gwyn said. “But you know what that means? I’m kind of lonely at our place. Do you think you could come for a sleepover after the service and keep me company?”

Cordelia looked up at Eris and Nesta with shining eyes. “Can I?”

Nesta shot Eris a sideways glance. “Sure, I don’t see why not. Any objections?” She raised her eyebrows at him.

“No, you go ahead and have fun,” Eris said, kissing Cordelia on the head. “You make sure you listen to what Auntie Gwyn says, alright?”

“I will!” Cordelia placed her little hand in Gwyn’s and began dragging her toward the door of the assembly room.

Nesta waited until they were out the door before she turned to Eris, narrowing her eyes. “Alright, what are you up to?”

“Me?” he said innocently.

“I know you don’t honestly believe I fell for that impromptu invitation,” Nesta said, rolling her eyes. “I adore Gwyn, but she is horrible at lying. What have you two cooked up?”

Eris should have known better than to think he could get anything past his wife. “Fine,” he said, smirking. “There’s something I want to talk to you about, and it will be easier without our little whirlwind interrupting every few seconds. So I asked Gwyn to take her for the night so we can have a quiet dinner together. And an evening without a child in our bed.” Cordelia generally went to sleep in her own room, but made her way to theirs at some point during the night. They inevitably woke with her wedged between them. Eris didn’t mind it – he adored waking up with his two favorite girls, in fact. But never knowing when their daughter was likely to make an appearance did tend to put a bit of a damper on any nocturnal activities other than sleeping.

Nesta grinned as though reading his mind. “Alright, I’m listening.”

*****

“Where is everyone?” Nesta asked as they sat down to dinner. Ever since Beron had been gone, they had all preferred to use this small, family dining room in lieu of the cavernous formal banquet hall. But most evenings the table still accommodated at least six. Seeing it set for only two was incongruous.

“Well, Mother has gone to Day for the rest of the week…” Eris said.

“Also your doing, no doubt.”

“Not at all,” he argued. “If Mother wants to spend time with Lucien – and Helion – who am I to deny her?”

“The picture of innocence,” Nesta said dubiously, spooning vegetables onto her plate. “Your brothers?”

“The Reach, the training camps and the Summer Court, respectively.”

“Out with it, then. What is it we have to discuss that necessitated clearing everyone out of the house?”

“I think it’s time you became High Lady of this court,” Eris said, without preamble.

Nesta put down her fork. “What? No.”

“No? Why not?” Of all the ways Eris had envisaged this conversation possibly going, an immediate, flat-out refusal was not something he’d considered.

Nesta said nothing for a few moments, thinking. “I don’t know. I’m just… it doesn’t sound like me. I like being the Lady of this court, but I don’t need to be High Lady.”

Eris regarded his wife. Nesta cared for neither titles nor ceremony. Her mother had tried to mold her into a grasping social climber, but leaving the Night Court and her sisters behind had been her final rejection of that past. Nesta would have been content with a quiet existence. But she’d been made for greatness and it kept finding her.

“You’ve just as much right to the title as Feyre,” Eris said quietly. “If not more.”

“Is that what this is about, their visit? Rhysand has a High Lady, so you think you should have one too?”

“No!” Eris said, genuinely shocked. “You’re worth a thousand of them no matter what your title, or without any title at all.”

Feyre and Rhysand were to make their first official visit to Autumn in a little under two months – and they would bring their General with them, no doubt. Nesta had left any anger she felt towards any of them behind long ago, but Eris wasn’t sure he could ever completely forgive them for all the pain that they’d caused his wife. After she’d come to Autumn, it had taken her months to even discuss some of it with him. Much longer still for her to understand she wasn’t to blame for it. He’d tolerate Rhys and Feyre’s presence in this court for the sake of diplomacy, but posturing for their benefit was of no interest to him. He and Nesta had nothing to prove.

“So if I don’t need the title, why are you so eager to give me it?” Nesta asked, jolting him back into the moment.

“It’s not about me giving you anything,” Eris said. “You’ve earned the right to be High Lady. The effort you’ve put into making the Autumn a better place… I always had dreams of what this court could be Nesta, but without you, I couldn’t have achieved a fraction of what we’ve done since Beron’s demise. Our people respect me, but they adore you.”

“And I them,” Nesta said simply. “I don’t need to be their High Lady for that.”

Eris smiled. “Maybe not, but you know they’d love it. The Mother knows, they deserve something to celebrate.” The years after Koschei had been tough. There was not one family in Autumn – in all of Prythian – that had not suffered. It hadn’t been an ideal time to take over the reins as High Lord, but he and Nesta had built back their court, and won the loyalty of their people in the process. The birth of Cordelia four years ago had cemented Autumn’s affection for their little family.

“And there’s something you ought not to forget,” he went on, suddenly inspired. “There’s a little girl who thinks the world of you, and who might get to be High Lady of Autumn herself someday. Don’t you think that would be easier if she’d had a role model go before her?”

Nesta narrowed her eyes. “Bringing Cordi into this is absolute chicanery, Eris Vanserra! I’d have thought such things were beneath you,” she sniffed.

But Eris had seen the doubt creeping into her expression, and grinned. “Nothing is beneath me if it will help convince you to take your rightful place as High Lady of Autumn. My equal. My superior, if we’re being honest,” he said earnestly.

“Don’t over-egg the pudding,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Alright, fine. If it will make you shut up, I’ll do it. But I’m not changing anything apart from the title. I’m still going to be working with your mother on The Academy, and with Gwyn on The Sanctuary. And I’m still going to be-”

“Raining down terror on our nobility and demanding progress that nobody else is ready for? My dearest love, I would expect nothing less. I’m counting on it.”

*****

Nesta smoothed her skirts for the third time, her fingers worrying at the moss green shot silk. Eris glanced sideways at her.

“If I didn’t know better, Nesta Archeron, I’d say that you were nervous.”

She glared at him. “I am nervous! I don’t know why I let you talk me into this.”

He smiled at his wife, who had endured and triumphed over more than most could even imagine.

“We’ll do something official in the coming weeks. But this evening is private. It will just be you, me and the priestesses. So there’s nothing to be nervous about.”

Nesta looked over at him. “Really? Just us?”

“Just us,” Eris confirmed. “I thought you might like it better that way. But we will have a little celebration afterward, if that’s okay. Just family. Emerie’s coming from Illyria, and Lucien, Elain and Helion from Day.”

She gave him a grateful look. “Yes, that’s fine. Thank you. I’m glad it’s not going to be some pompous fae spectacle.”

Eris hid another smile. He wondered if Nesta would ever stop speaking of fae as though she wasn’t one of them. Far from being offended, he found it quite charming. It was fascinating to see fae behavior and customs from her perspective. It often made him look at things he’d accepted unquestioningly in a new light.

Gwyn came out to antechamber, arrayed in her robes. She sat down beside Nesta. “Jako is ready for you now,” she said quietly. “Do you have any questions before we go in?”

“Is it too late to call it off?” Nesta muttered.

Gwyn gave her friend an indulgent smile. “I’m so happy you’re doing this, you know. It’s such a huge step for the women of Autumn. An important step. Come.” Brooking none of Nesta’s objections, she took her by the hand and led her into the inner sanctum.

Standing with Nesta, facing one another before the High Priestess, couldn’t fail to put Eris in mind of their wedding. The whole thing had felt surreal. When Nesta had agreed to come to Autumn, she’d made it clear that it was on a trial basis only and she was neither accepting Eris’s proposal nor making any promises of her own. She’d been surprised when he readily agreed to give her sanctuary despite these stipulations.

He’d soon realised why. She was less than one tenth his age, and yet Nesta’s trust had been betrayed enough to last several fae lifetimes. So he’d adjusted his expectations. If there was one thing that Eris understood, it was patience. It was when they both knew that the battle with Koschei was imminent that she’d come to him.

“Do you still want to marry me?” she’d asked, in her disarming, direct way.

“Yes,” he’d replied without hesitation.

“Will you do it without any fae nonsense?”

“Yes.” He’d do the ceremony naked and standing on one leg if that’s what she wanted.

“Then I’ll do it.”

Eris’s mouth had gone dry. “You’re saying yes? Why now?”

She’d shrugged. “Because of all you’ve done for me. Because who knows if we’ll even be alive in a week’s time. But mostly because I love you.”

“Why does this feel so much like a wedding?” Nesta was saying under her breath, reading his mind as always.

The High Priestess overhead despite her low tone, and chuckled. “Well, it is, in a way. Except instead of committing yourself to a person, you’re committing yourself to a whole court.”

“No pressure, then,” Nesta joked, but she looked a little wan.

“No, no pressure,” Jako replied. “If there is love in your heart for this court and its people, you will be a loyal and just High Lady.” She smiled down at Nesta. “Are you ready?”

Nesta swallowed, then nodded.

Despite the fact that these priestesses had never had cause to perform it before, the ritual was beautifully done. It began with a hymn to the Mother in an ancient fae tongue. “It asks her to bless you with her gifts,” Eris whispered to Nesta. “Unnecessary, really, as you’re already favoured by the Mother. But the power of High Lords is seen as being bestowed by The Cauldron, so when anointing a High Lady, the Mother’s blessing is sought. It provides a kind of balance, I suppose.”

“You understand this?” Nesta asked.

“The gist of it, not word for word. I’ve done some study of ancient languages.”

“Of course you have,” she said with a half smile.

The hymn was lovely. Performed with just voices, the majority of the priestesses carried a low chant – sung at a pitch that had to be deeper than their natural registers. This was accompanied by a high, sweet contrasting melody, performed by a handful of the most gifted vocalists among the priestesses, Gwyn included. She had explained to Eris and Nesta, when she talked them through the ritual, that the two songs, blended yet distinct, were supposed to represent the light of The Mother, weaving through the darkness as she created their world and everything in it.

When the hymn concluded, there was stillness for a few long minutes as the priestesses silently prayed. But the very stone of the chapel still seemed to vibrate with sound and energy.

The period of silent prayer came to an end. All the priestesses except for Gwyn and Jako slowly filed out, leaving just the four of them to complete the most sacred parts of the ritual.

The High Priestess stepped forward to read from a leather-bound tome, still in the same old language. Something about sacred duty and binding and union. Eris couldn’t remember what Gwyn had said about this part. But it didn’t seem to require anything of them other than to stand there and listen.

When the reading came to an end, Jako motioned them both forward and had them stand at either side of a large stone set into the floor of the chapel. It glowed pale blue, similar to the invoking stones the priestesses wore over their hoods. It sat at the center point of a mandala carved directly into the stone floor of the chapel.

Eris sucked in a few deep breaths. This was the only part of the ritual he didn’t feel entirely comfortable with. He looked into Nesta’s eyes – clear and unafraid, but limned with the silvery gleam that was always there when she was experiencing strong emotion. Gwyn stepped forward, Eris’s dagger in held out in both hands, palms up.

“That’s the knife you chose?”

“It could hardly be any other.”

The dagger was plain and unadorned, but it sang with power. Power ripped from the Cauldron itself, and imbued in the knife by its maker. Nesta Archeron. The dagger that had dispatched his father and made him High Lord. The dagger that had proved vital to Koschei’s defeat.

A little piece of the power of the Cauldron, in a ritual dedicated to the Mother.

Balance.

Eris nodded to Nesta. She exhaled slowly. Then she took the dagger from Gwyn.

Eris offered her his right palm. She hesitated for a moment, then drew the blade along it. The corners of her mouth tightened as blood welled from the wound.

She passed the knife to him, then held out her own hand. Eris held the blade to her palm, but could not make himself slice into her flesh.

“Hurry up and do it,” Nesta begged.

He closed his eyes, and pressed down on the knife. Nesta didn’t make a sound, but when he opened his eyes, blood pooled in her palm as well. They gripped their right hands together tightly. Jako nodded at Eris. He cleared his throat.

“With my heart’s blood as my vow, I make you High Lady. From this day, we rule as one. Two halves of a whole, united in power.”

Jako inclined her head toward Nesta.

“With my heart’s blood as my vow, I become High Lady. From this day, we rule as one. Two halves of a whole, united in power.”

Eris’s eyes met Nesta’s, still dancing with silver light. He loosened his grip on her hand, and they allowed their mingled blood to drip and anoint the sacred stone.

He looked toward Jako. As Gwyn had explained it, that completed the ritual. It was done. Nesta was his High Lady. He smiled at her.

But instead of smiling back, she gasped in shock. “Nesta? What’s the-”

Before he could finish his sentence, the words were drowned out by a roaring in his head. He felt lightning racing in his veins, and something cool and heavy swirl in his belly. It was exhilaration and pain, ecstasy and torment. It felt similar to when the High Lord powers had settled in him, but more alien. More intense and disorienting. He grabbed for Nesta and held her to him as the strange sensations began to subside.

“Nesta! Are you okay? Talk to me.”

She nodded slowly. “Yes, it’s just I- I didn’t know that was going to happen.” She rounded on Gwyn. “You didn’t tell me about that part!”

Gwyn blinked. “What part?”

“That I’d get some of Eris’s powers! That would have been useful information to have before I agreed to this.”

Gwyn looked at her blankly. “What? I didn’t know. You have his powers? How do you know?”

“Because I can feel it,” Nesta said, frowning. “I can feel it. The flame – it’s different to mine. It’s… warm.” She held her injured right hand out in front of her, and for a second, golden flame danced over her palm.

She looked up at Eris. “Why didn’t you tell me? I didn’t want to take your powers!” Nesta looked upset, almost… guilty?

“I didn’t know either,” he said. “Powers being transferred… I’ve only ever heard of that happening to mates.” He turned toward Jako. “What is this?”

The High Priestess looked thoughtful. “I don’t know anything about it, but this ritual hasn’t been performed in Autumn in living memory,” she said. “It’s possible that some of the detail has been lost to history.”

“Well, you taught her to master her powers,” Gwyn said chirpily, trying to dispel some of the tension. “Now you’ll just have to teach her to master yours as well. Here, take your knife back.” She held the dagger out to Eris, but Jako stayed her hand.

“But this is a Made object!” she said, looking at it closely for the first time.

“Yes,” Eris said. “The occasion seemed to demand something special.”

“May I?” Jako said, indicating the dagger.

“Of course.”

She held it up, examining it. “You know… this could be answer here,” she mused. “Or part of it, at least.”

“What do you mean?” Nesta asked, her eyes narrowing.

“Well, as the High Lord said – transference of powers is usually seen in association with a mating bond – that is, a bond between equals, ordained by the Cauldron,” the High Priestess said, turning the knife over in her hand. “But during the ritual, you effectively made yourselves equals – two halves of a whole, united in power – and sealed the pact with an object imbued with the power of the cauldron.”

Eris frowned. “Are you saying… that we’ve somehow created our own mating bond?”

“Not a mating bond exactly, but a powerful bond of some sort,” Jako said. “The funny thing is though, I’d have expected it to go both ways.”

“Both ways? How do you mean?”

“Well, for something of the High Lady to pass to you as well.”

Eris and Nesta exchanged glances. She stepped forward, staring intently at him. As he met her silvery gaze, Eris felt something in him shift in response.

Nesta turned to the High Priestess. “Can I have that knife for a moment?” Jako passed it to her silently.

She held the flat of the blade up to Eris’s face. “Look. Your eyes.”

He peered into the reflective surface. His eyes looked… normal? The blade was shiny, but not as clear as a looking glass. But his own amber eyes looked back at him, completely familiar. Except for just around the pupil, where there was a little ring of…

Silver.

A ficlet inspired by @too-manybooks's post about Nesta making Eris his High Lady and some of his power transferring to her, because my main fic is a slog right now and I couldn't resist the prompt.

The fire in my veins (Neris)

[4584 words]

This is set a decade or so into the future, because while we can make people with no political experience and little knowledge of the places or people they will rule over into High Ladies instantly just 'cause we we have a boner for them, it probably doesn't serve them or their courts to do so. I said what I said. Also, the stupid ass deathbaby subplot doesn't exist and Nesta got to keep her powers. TL:DR, pure wish fulfilment.

Eris watched fondly from the back of the room as his lady, his Queen, held the rapt attention of the roomful of adolescent girls.

“Now, I understand that all of this is very new to you,” she was saying. “You’re used to deferring to the males in your life. That’s how it’s always been. But I’m here to tell you that you matter. What you want matters. That’s why the High Lord-” here she paused to glance over at Eris, flashing him an almost imperceptible smile, “-and I have made these changes to the law.”

Eris hadn’t even realised she’d seen them come in. But of course she had. His wife was always aware of everything.

“So marriage, if it occurs at all, will be your choice,” she went on. “No marriage licences will be issued without the express consent of the couple, both parties. Which must be given in person at the local registry office. If anybody attempts to coerce consent from you, there are systems in place to deal with that and help available to you, both practical and financial support.” She looked around the room, making eye contact with each of the girls in turn to emphasize her point. “No female of the Autumn Court will ever again be subjugated by a male. Not her father, not her husband. Not even her mate. Not while I live and breathe,” she vowed.

“Mama is so smart,” Cordelia breathed beside him. “Everyone listens to her.”

Eris smiled down at his daughter, squeezed her hand. She was, and they did. And their little girl was turning out to be just like her.

“Of course, if you do wish to marry of your own free will, that will always be supported,” Nesta continued. “Whether the person you wish to wed is a male or a female.” There was a little gasp and a few titters here, which drew an easy smile from Nesta before she went on. “But I would encourage you to ensure you experience a little of the world and all it has to offer before you consider such a commitment. Don’t neglect your education, especially. The Lady Vanserra Academy is open to you all. Regardless of your previous standard of education, there is a place for you there.”

The Academy was a passion project between Nesta and his mother – and named for the latter, although the title of Lady was now technically held by Nesta. She was Lady Archeron, though – when they had married, she had been firm about retaining that link to her human heritage. As long as she agreed to be his wife, Eris couldn’t have cared less what name she went by.

“The final thing I want to discuss today is violence in the home,” Nesta said, any trace of levity gone from her expression. “This is a subject close to my heart, and the High Lord’s as well.” Nesta again shot him a fleeting glance.

“What occurs in the home happens behind closed doors. It is especially insidious for that reason. And this kind of violence doesn’t always look obvious and doesn’t always leave bruises.” Silver flashed in her eyes and she took a breath. “It can come in the form of being forced into situations you don’t want to be a part of. It can look like choices being taken away from you. It can be sexual violence. It can be constant belittling, angry and hurtful words. It can look like neglect. Like financial control and dependence. It can come in many, many forms. And none of them are acceptable.”

“Any person found to be a perpetrator of violence in the home will be suitably dealt with, with possible punishments including imprisonment and banishment from the Autumn Court for the most serious offenses,” Nesta continued. “But it’s less about punishing the offenders than protecting the victims. So if you find yourself a victim of violence in the home at any stage, I want you to know two things – first of all, it’s not your fault.” She looked around at the girls. “It is never, ever your fault. There is nothing you could do that justifies that type of behavior. Secondly, in this court there will always be help available. I’d like to invite my friend, Gwyneth Berdara, to tell you more about that.”

Gwyn had been sitting among the audience, but now she rose to her feet and came to join Nesta at the front of the room. She saw Eris and Cordelia at the back and gave them a little wave. She was wearing Autumn-style attire, brown suede pants and a plain bronze-coloured tunic, rather than her priestess robes. But her pale blue invoking stone rested at her forehead, reflecting the light.

“Hello, everyone,” she said, her warm voice betraying no nerves at addressing such a large group. Gwyn had come a long way. “I’d like to thank Lady Nesta for inviting me here today. For those who don’t know who I am-”

A few giggles and a little murmur went around the room at this, and Eris grinned. After the role Gwyneth Berdara, priestess and Valkyrie, had played in the battle against Koschei, there was nobody in all of Prythian who didn’t know who she was. And there was probably not one young female in this room who wouldn’t consider her an idol, and rightly so.

Gwyn smiled and ducked her head for a second. “For those who don’t know who I am,” she repeated, “I am the Director of The Sanctuary, a place of safety for females and children escaping violence. Our centre provides a place for people to stay, receive support and treatment – counselling, financial help, educational support, employment training – anything you need, really, to get you to a point where you feel confident enough to face the world again.”

Gwyn looked out at the sea of faces. “I was a victim of violence myself once,” she said calmly. “I understand how it rips your foundations out from under you, how it destroys your confidence. I was fortunate to be given a safe place to heal from that trauma, and our mission at The Sanctuary is to do the same for every female and youngling that needs it. I work with a team of priestesses who receive special training to understand the needs of victims.” She paused for a moment. “I hope none of you ever have need of our services. But if you do, if any of your friends or loved ones do, we’re there.”

Gwyn resumed her seat and Nesta spoke once again. “That’s everything we wanted to discuss today. I just want you all to know that each and every one of you is vital to the future of the Autumn Court. I hope you will all value yourselves the way the High Lord and I do. If any of you are interested in finding out more about the Academy, Lady Vanserra is available in the parlour and would be happy to speak with you. Thank you for coming today.”

The girls applauded politely before slowly making their way out of the room, chattering to one another and occasionally shooting shy glances in his direction or cooing at Cordelia as they passed. Eventually only the four of them were left. Eris quickly helped Nesta and Gwyn to stack the chairs at one end of the room while Cordelia sat on the floor, playing with a toy Elain and Lucien had sent her from Day. It was a little crystal mounted on a wand that made beams of rainbow light dance as she wielded it. Cordelia was enchanted by it.

“Whatcha got there, Cordi-lou?” Gwyn asked, kneeling down beside her when they had finished tidying the room.

“It’s a magic stick,” Cordelia explained. “It makes rainbows.”

“Oh, so pretty!” Gwyn enthused. “Listen, I was wondering if you’d like to come to the evening service with me and hear the singing?”

“Yesssss!” Cordelia said happily. She was too young to understand the services, but she loved the music as much as Nesta did. “Can I bring my rainbow stick?”

“I don’t see why not,” Gwyn agreed. “As long as you don’t wave it around during the service.”

“I won’t,” Cordelia promised. “Is Uncle Az coming?” She adored Gwyn’s mate, and the feeling was mutual.

“No sweetie, he’s in Velaris just now,” Gwyn said. “But you know what that means? I’m kind of lonely at our place. Do you think you could come for a sleepover after the service and keep me company?”

Cordelia looked up at Eris and Nesta with shining eyes. “Can I?”

Nesta shot Eris a sideways glance. “Sure, I don’t see why not. Any objections?” She raised her eyebrows at him.

“No, you go ahead and have fun,” Eris said, kissing Cordelia on the head. “You make sure you listen to what Auntie Gwyn says, alright?”

“I will!” Cordelia placed her little hand in Gwyn’s and began dragging her toward the door of the assembly room.

Nesta waited until they were out the door before she turned to Eris, narrowing her eyes. “Alright, what are you up to?”

“Me?” he said innocently.

“I know you don’t honestly believe I fell for that impromptu invitation,” Nesta said, rolling her eyes. “I adore Gwyn, but she is horrible at lying. What have you two cooked up?”

Eris should have known better than to think he could get anything past his wife. “Fine,” he said, smirking. “There’s something I want to talk to you about, and it will be easier without our little whirlwind interrupting every few seconds. So I asked Gwyn to take her for the night so we can have a quiet dinner together. And an evening without a child in our bed.” Cordelia generally went to sleep in her own room, but made her way to theirs at some point during the night. They inevitably woke with her wedged between them. Eris didn’t mind it – he adored waking up with his two favorite girls, in fact. But never knowing when their daughter was likely to make an appearance did tend to put a bit of a damper on any nocturnal activities other than sleeping.

Nesta grinned as though reading his mind. “Alright, I’m listening.”

*****

“Where is everyone?” Nesta asked as they sat down to dinner. Ever since Beron had been gone, they had all preferred to use this small, family dining room in lieu of the cavernous formal banquet hall. But most evenings the table still accommodated at least six. Seeing it set for only two was incongruous.

“Well, Mother has gone to Day for the rest of the week…” Eris said.

“Also your doing, no doubt.”

“Not at all,” he argued. “If Mother wants to spend time with Lucien – and Helion – who am I to deny her?”

“The picture of innocence,” Nesta said dubiously, spooning vegetables onto her plate. “Your brothers?”

“The Reach, the training camps and the Summer Court, respectively.”

“Out with it, then. What is it we have to discuss that necessitated clearing everyone out of the house?”

“I think it’s time you became High Lady of this court,” Eris said, without preamble.

Nesta put down her fork. “What? No.”

“No? Why not?” Of all the ways Eris had envisaged this conversation possibly going, an immediate, flat-out refusal was not something he’d considered.

Nesta said nothing for a few moments, thinking. “I don’t know. I’m just… it doesn’t sound like me. I like being the Lady of this court, but I don’t need to be High Lady.”

Eris regarded his wife. Nesta cared for neither titles nor ceremony. Her mother had tried to mold her into a grasping social climber, but leaving the Night Court and her sisters behind had been her final rejection of that past. Nesta would have been content with a quiet existence. But she’d been made for greatness and it kept finding her.

“You’ve just as much right to the title as Feyre,” Eris said quietly. “If not more.”

“Is that what this is about, their visit? Rhysand has a High Lady, so you think you should have one too?”

“No!” Eris said, genuinely shocked. “You’re worth a thousand of them no matter what your title, or without any title at all.”

Feyre and Rhysand were to make their first official visit to Autumn in a little under two months – and they would bring their General with them, no doubt. Nesta had left any anger she felt towards any of them behind long ago, but Eris wasn’t sure he could ever completely forgive them for all the pain that they’d caused his wife. After she’d come to Autumn, it had taken her months to even discuss some of it with him. Much longer still for her to understand she wasn’t to blame for it. He’d tolerate Rhys and Feyre’s presence in this court for the sake of diplomacy, but posturing for their benefit was of no interest to him. He and Nesta had nothing to prove.

“So if I don’t need the title, why are you so eager to give me it?” Nesta asked, jolting him back into the moment.

“It’s not about me giving you anything,” Eris said. “You’ve earned the right to be High Lady. The effort you’ve put into making the Autumn a better place… I always had dreams of what this court could be Nesta, but without you, I couldn’t have achieved a fraction of what we’ve done since Beron’s demise. Our people respect me, but they adore you.”

“And I them,” Nesta said simply. “I don’t need to be their High Lady for that.”

Eris smiled. “Maybe not, but you know they’d love it. The Mother knows, they deserve something to celebrate.” The years after Koschei had been tough. There was not one family in Autumn – in all of Prythian – that had not suffered. It hadn’t been an ideal time to take over the reins as High Lord, but he and Nesta had built back their court, and won the loyalty of their people in the process. The birth of Cordelia four years ago had cemented Autumn’s affection for their little family.

“And there’s something you ought not to forget,” he went on, suddenly inspired. “There’s a little girl who thinks the world of you, and who might get to be High Lady of Autumn herself someday. Don’t you think that would be easier if she’d had a role model go before her?”

Nesta narrowed her eyes. “Bringing Cordi into this is absolute chicanery, Eris Vanserra! I’d have thought such things were beneath you,” she sniffed.

But Eris had seen the doubt creeping into her expression, and grinned. “Nothing is beneath me if it will help convince you to take your rightful place as High Lady of Autumn. My equal. My superior, if we’re being honest,” he said earnestly.

“Don’t over-egg the pudding,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Alright, fine. If it will make you shut up, I’ll do it. But I’m not changing anything apart from the title. I’m still going to be working with your mother on The Academy, and with Gwyn on The Sanctuary. And I’m still going to be-”

“Raining down terror on our nobility and demanding progress that nobody else is ready for? My dearest love, I would expect nothing less. I’m counting on it.”

*****

Nesta smoothed her skirts for the third time, her fingers worrying at the moss green shot silk. Eris glanced sideways at her.

“If I didn’t know better, Nesta Archeron, I’d say that you were nervous.”

She glared at him. “I am nervous! I don’t know why I let you talk me into this.”

He smiled at his wife, who had endured and triumphed over more than most could even imagine.

“We’ll do something official in the coming weeks. But this evening is private. It will just be you, me and the priestesses. So there’s nothing to be nervous about.”

Nesta looked over at him. “Really? Just us?”

“Just us,” Eris confirmed. “I thought you might like it better that way. But we will have a little celebration afterward, if that’s okay. Just family. Emerie’s coming from Illyria, and Lucien, Elain and Helion from Day.”

She gave him a grateful look. “Yes, that’s fine. Thank you. I’m glad it’s not going to be some pompous fae spectacle.”

Eris hid another smile. He wondered if Nesta would ever stop speaking of fae as though she wasn’t one of them. Far from being offended, he found it quite charming. It was fascinating to see fae behavior and customs from her perspective. It often made him look at things he’d accepted unquestioningly in a new light.

Gwyn came out to antechamber, arrayed in her robes. She sat down beside Nesta. “Jako is ready for you now,” she said quietly. “Do you have any questions before we go in?”

“Is it too late to call it off?” Nesta muttered.

Gwyn gave her friend an indulgent smile. “I’m so happy you’re doing this, you know. It’s such a huge step for the women of Autumn. An important step. Come.” Brooking none of Nesta’s objections, she took her by the hand and led her into the inner sanctum.

Standing with Nesta, facing one another before the High Priestess, couldn’t fail to put Eris in mind of their wedding. The whole thing had felt surreal. When Nesta had agreed to come to Autumn, she’d made it clear that it was on a trial basis only and she was neither accepting Eris’s proposal nor making any promises of her own. She’d been surprised when he readily agreed to give her sanctuary despite these stipulations.

He’d soon realised why. She was less than one tenth his age, and yet Nesta’s trust had been betrayed enough to last several fae lifetimes. So he’d adjusted his expectations. If there was one thing that Eris understood, it was patience. It was when they both knew that the battle with Koschei was imminent that she’d come to him.

“Do you still want to marry me?” she’d asked, in her disarming, direct way.

“Yes,” he’d replied without hesitation.

“Will you do it without any fae nonsense?”

“Yes.” He’d do the ceremony naked and standing on one leg if that’s what she wanted.

“Then I’ll do it.”

Eris’s mouth had gone dry. “You’re saying yes? Why now?”

She’d shrugged. “Because of all you’ve done for me. Because who knows if we’ll even be alive in a week’s time. But mostly because I love you.”

“Why does this feel so much like a wedding?” Nesta was saying under her breath, reading his mind as always.

The High Priestess overhead despite her low tone, and chuckled. “Well, it is, in a way. Except instead of committing yourself to a person, you’re committing yourself to a whole court.”

“No pressure, then,” Nesta joked, but she looked a little wan.

“No, no pressure,” Jako replied. “If there is love in your heart for this court and its people, you will be a loyal and just High Lady.” She smiled down at Nesta. “Are you ready?”

Nesta swallowed, then nodded.

Despite the fact that these priestesses had never had cause to perform it before, the ritual was beautifully done. It began with a hymn to the Mother in an ancient fae tongue. “It asks her to bless you with her gifts,” Eris whispered to Nesta. “Unnecessary, really, as you’re already favoured by the Mother. But the power of High Lords is seen as being bestowed by The Cauldron, so when anointing a High Lady, the Mother’s blessing is sought. It provides a kind of balance, I suppose.”

“You understand this?” Nesta asked.

“The gist of it, not word for word. I’ve done some study of ancient languages.”

“Of course you have,” she said with a half smile.

The hymn was lovely. Performed with just voices, the majority of the priestesses carried a low chant – sung at a pitch that had to be deeper than their natural registers. This was accompanied by a high, sweet contrasting melody, performed by a handful of the most gifted vocalists among the priestesses, Gwyn included. She had explained to Eris and Nesta, when she talked them through the ritual, that the two songs, blended yet distinct, were supposed to represent the light of The Mother, weaving through the darkness as she created their world and everything in it.

When the hymn concluded, there was stillness for a few long minutes as the priestesses silently prayed. But the very stone of the chapel still seemed to vibrate with sound and energy.

The period of silent prayer came to an end. All the priestesses except for Gwyn and Jako slowly filed out, leaving just the four of them to complete the most sacred parts of the ritual.

The High Priestess stepped forward to read from a leather-bound tome, still in the same old language. Something about sacred duty and binding and union. Eris couldn’t remember what Gwyn had said about this part. But it didn’t seem to require anything of them other than to stand there and listen.

When the reading came to an end, Jako motioned them both forward and had them stand at either side of a large stone set into the floor of the chapel. It glowed pale blue, similar to the invoking stones the priestesses wore over their hoods. It sat at the center point of a mandala carved directly into the stone floor of the chapel.

Eris sucked in a few deep breaths. This was the only part of the ritual he didn’t feel entirely comfortable with. He looked into Nesta’s eyes – clear and unafraid, but limned with the silvery gleam that was always there when she was experiencing strong emotion. Gwyn stepped forward, Eris’s dagger in held out in both hands, palms up.

“That’s the knife you chose?”

“It could hardly be any other.”

The dagger was plain and unadorned, but it sang with power. Power ripped from the Cauldron itself, and imbued in the knife by its maker. Nesta Archeron. The dagger that had dispatched his father and made him High Lord. The dagger that had proved vital to Koschei’s defeat.

A little piece of the power of the Cauldron, in a ritual dedicated to the Mother.

Balance.

Eris nodded to Nesta. She exhaled slowly. Then she took the dagger from Gwyn.

Eris offered her his right palm. She hesitated for a moment, then drew the blade along it. The corners of her mouth tightened as blood welled from the wound.

She passed the knife to him, then held out her own hand. Eris held the blade to her palm, but could not make himself slice into her flesh.

“Hurry up and do it,” Nesta begged.

He closed his eyes, and pressed down on the knife. Nesta didn’t make a sound, but when he opened his eyes, blood pooled in her palm as well. They gripped their right hands together tightly. Jako nodded at Eris. He cleared his throat.

“With my heart’s blood as my vow, I make you High Lady. From this day, we rule as one. Two halves of a whole, united in power.”

Jako inclined her head toward Nesta.

“With my heart’s blood as my vow, I become High Lady. From this day, we rule as one. Two halves of a whole, united in power.”

Eris’s eyes met Nesta’s, still dancing with silver light. He loosened his grip on her hand, and they allowed their mingled blood to drip and anoint the sacred stone.

He looked toward Jako. As Gwyn had explained it, that completed the ritual. It was done. Nesta was his High Lady. He smiled at her.

But instead of smiling back, she gasped in shock. “Nesta? What’s the-”

Before he could finish his sentence, the words were drowned out by a roaring in his head. He felt lightning racing in his veins, and something cool and heavy swirl in his belly. It was exhilaration and pain, ecstasy and torment. It felt similar to when the High Lord powers had settled in him, but more alien. More intense and disorienting. He grabbed for Nesta and held her to him as the strange sensations began to subside.

“Nesta! Are you okay? Talk to me.”

She nodded slowly. “Yes, it’s just I- I didn’t know that was going to happen.” She rounded on Gwyn. “You didn’t tell me about that part!”

Gwyn blinked. “What part?”

“That I’d get some of Eris’s powers! That would have been useful information to have before I agreed to this.”

Gwyn looked at her blankly. “What? I didn’t know. You have his powers? How do you know?”

“Because I can feel it,” Nesta said, frowning. “I can feel it. The flame – it’s different to mine. It’s… warm.” She held her injured right hand out in front of her, and for a second, golden flame danced over her palm.

She looked up at Eris. “Why didn’t you tell me? I didn’t want to take your powers!” Nesta looked upset, almost… guilty?

“I didn’t know either,” he said. “Powers being transferred… I’ve only ever heard of that happening to mates.” He turned toward Jako. “What is this?”

The High Priestess looked thoughtful. “I don’t know anything about it, but this ritual hasn’t been performed in Autumn in living memory,” she said. “It’s possible that some of the detail has been lost to history.”

“Well, you taught her to master her powers,” Gwyn said chirpily, trying to dispel some of the tension. “Now you’ll just have to teach her to master yours as well. Here, take your knife back.” She held the dagger out to Eris, but Jako stayed her hand.

“But this is a Made object!” she said, looking at it closely for the first time.

“Yes,” Eris said. “The occasion seemed to demand something special.”

“May I?” Jako said, indicating the dagger.

“Of course.”

She held it up, examining it. “You know… this could be answer here,” she mused. “Or part of it, at least.”

“What do you mean?” Nesta asked, her eyes narrowing.

“Well, as the High Lord said – transference of powers is usually seen in association with a mating bond – that is, a bond between equals, ordained by the Cauldron,” the High Priestess said, turning the knife over in her hand. “But during the ritual, you effectively made yourselves equals – two halves of a whole, united in power – and sealed the pact with an object imbued with the power of the cauldron.”

Eris frowned. “Are you saying… that we’ve somehow created our own mating bond?”

“Not a mating bond exactly, but a powerful bond of some sort,” Jako said. “The funny thing is though, I’d have expected it to go both ways.”

“Both ways? How do you mean?”

“Well, for something of the High Lady to pass to you as well.”

Eris and Nesta exchanged glances. She stepped forward, staring intently at him. As he met her silvery gaze, Eris felt something in him shift in response.

Nesta turned to the High Priestess. “Can I have that knife for a moment?” Jako passed it to her silently.

She held the flat of the blade up to Eris’s face. “Look. Your eyes.”

He peered into the reflective surface. His eyes looked… normal? The blade was shiny, but not as clear as a looking glass. But his own amber eyes looked back at him, completely familiar. Except for just around the pupil, where there was a little ring of…

Silver.

A ficlet inspired by @too-manybooks's post about Nesta making Eris his High Lady and some of his power transferring to her, because my main fic is a slog right now and I couldn't resist the prompt.

The fire in my veins (Neris)

[4584 words]

This is set a decade or so into the future, because while we can make people with no political experience and little knowledge of the places or people they will rule over into High Ladies instantly just 'cause we we have a boner for them, it probably doesn't serve them or their courts to do so. I said what I said. Also, the stupid ass deathbaby subplot doesn't exist and Nesta got to keep her powers. TL:DR, pure wish fulfilment.

Eris watched fondly from the back of the room as his lady, his Queen, held the rapt attention of the roomful of adolescent girls.

“Now, I understand that all of this is very new to you,” she was saying. “You’re used to deferring to the males in your life. That’s how it’s always been. But I’m here to tell you that you matter. What you want matters. That’s why the High Lord-” here she paused to glance over at Eris, flashing him an almost imperceptible smile, “-and I have made these changes to the law.”

Eris hadn’t even realised she’d seen them come in. But of course she had. His wife was always aware of everything.

“So marriage, if it occurs at all, will be your choice,” she went on. “No marriage licences will be issued without the express consent of the couple, both parties. Which must be given in person at the local registry office. If anybody attempts to coerce consent from you, there are systems in place to deal with that and help available to you, both practical and financial support.” She looked around the room, making eye contact with each of the girls in turn to emphasize her point. “No female of the Autumn Court will ever again be subjugated by a male. Not her father, not her husband. Not even her mate. Not while I live and breathe,” she vowed.

“Mama is so smart,” Cordelia breathed beside him. “Everyone listens to her.”

Eris smiled down at his daughter, squeezed her hand. She was, and they did. And their little girl was turning out to be just like her.

“Of course, if you do wish to marry of your own free will, that will always be supported,” Nesta continued. “Whether the person you wish to wed is a male or a female.” There was a little gasp and a few titters here, which drew an easy smile from Nesta before she went on. “But I would encourage you to ensure you experience a little of the world and all it has to offer before you consider such a commitment. Don’t neglect your education, especially. The Lady Vanserra Academy is open to you all. Regardless of your previous standard of education, there is a place for you there.”

The Academy was a passion project between Nesta and his mother – and named for the latter, although the title of Lady was now technically held by Nesta. She was Lady Archeron, though – when they had married, she had been firm about retaining that link to her human heritage. As long as she agreed to be his wife, Eris couldn’t have cared less what name she went by.

“The final thing I want to discuss today is violence in the home,” Nesta said, any trace of levity gone from her expression. “This is a subject close to my heart, and the High Lord’s as well.” Nesta again shot him a fleeting glance.

“What occurs in the home happens behind closed doors. It is especially insidious for that reason. And this kind of violence doesn’t always look obvious and doesn’t always leave bruises.” Silver flashed in her eyes and she took a breath. “It can come in the form of being forced into situations you don’t want to be a part of. It can look like choices being taken away from you. It can be sexual violence. It can be constant belittling, angry and hurtful words. It can look like neglect. Like financial control and dependence. It can come in many, many forms. And none of them are acceptable.”

“Any person found to be a perpetrator of violence in the home will be suitably dealt with, with possible punishments including imprisonment and banishment from the Autumn Court for the most serious offenses,” Nesta continued. “But it’s less about punishing the offenders than protecting the victims. So if you find yourself a victim of violence in the home at any stage, I want you to know two things – first of all, it’s not your fault.” She looked around at the girls. “It is never, ever your fault. There is nothing you could do that justifies that type of behavior. Secondly, in this court there will always be help available. I’d like to invite my friend, Gwyneth Berdara, to tell you more about that.”

Gwyn had been sitting among the audience, but now she rose to her feet and came to join Nesta at the front of the room. She saw Eris and Cordelia at the back and gave them a little wave. She was wearing Autumn-style attire, brown suede pants and a plain bronze-coloured tunic, rather than her priestess robes. But her pale blue invoking stone rested at her forehead, reflecting the light.

“Hello, everyone,” she said, her warm voice betraying no nerves at addressing such a large group. Gwyn had come a long way. “I’d like to thank Lady Nesta for inviting me here today. For those who don’t know who I am-”

A few giggles and a little murmur went around the room at this, and Eris grinned. After the role Gwyneth Berdara, priestess and Valkyrie, had played in the battle against Koschei, there was nobody in all of Prythian who didn’t know who she was. And there was probably not one young female in this room who wouldn’t consider her an idol, and rightly so.

Gwyn smiled and ducked her head for a second. “For those who don’t know who I am,” she repeated, “I am the Director of The Sanctuary, a place of safety for females and children escaping violence. Our centre provides a place for people to stay, receive support and treatment – counselling, financial help, educational support, employment training – anything you need, really, to get you to a point where you feel confident enough to face the world again.”

Gwyn looked out at the sea of faces. “I was a victim of violence myself once,” she said calmly. “I understand how it rips your foundations out from under you, how it destroys your confidence. I was fortunate to be given a safe place to heal from that trauma, and our mission at The Sanctuary is to do the same for every female and youngling that needs it. I work with a team of priestesses who receive special training to understand the needs of victims.” She paused for a moment. “I hope none of you ever have need of our services. But if you do, if any of your friends or loved ones do, we’re there.”

Gwyn resumed her seat and Nesta spoke once again. “That’s everything we wanted to discuss today. I just want you all to know that each and every one of you is vital to the future of the Autumn Court. I hope you will all value yourselves the way the High Lord and I do. If any of you are interested in finding out more about the Academy, Lady Vanserra is available in the parlour and would be happy to speak with you. Thank you for coming today.”

The girls applauded politely before slowly making their way out of the room, chattering to one another and occasionally shooting shy glances in his direction or cooing at Cordelia as they passed. Eventually only the four of them were left. Eris quickly helped Nesta and Gwyn to stack the chairs at one end of the room while Cordelia sat on the floor, playing with a toy Elain and Lucien had sent her from Day. It was a little crystal mounted on a wand that made beams of rainbow light dance as she wielded it. Cordelia was enchanted by it.

“Whatcha got there, Cordi-lou?” Gwyn asked, kneeling down beside her when they had finished tidying the room.

“It’s a magic stick,” Cordelia explained. “It makes rainbows.”

“Oh, so pretty!” Gwyn enthused. “Listen, I was wondering if you’d like to come to the evening service with me and hear the singing?”

“Yesssss!” Cordelia said happily. She was too young to understand the services, but she loved the music as much as Nesta did. “Can I bring my rainbow stick?”

“I don’t see why not,” Gwyn agreed. “As long as you don’t wave it around during the service.”

“I won’t,” Cordelia promised. “Is Uncle Az coming?” She adored Gwyn’s mate, and the feeling was mutual.

“No sweetie, he’s in Velaris just now,” Gwyn said. “But you know what that means? I’m kind of lonely at our place. Do you think you could come for a sleepover after the service and keep me company?”

Cordelia looked up at Eris and Nesta with shining eyes. “Can I?”

Nesta shot Eris a sideways glance. “Sure, I don’t see why not. Any objections?” She raised her eyebrows at him.

“No, you go ahead and have fun,” Eris said, kissing Cordelia on the head. “You make sure you listen to what Auntie Gwyn says, alright?”

“I will!” Cordelia placed her little hand in Gwyn’s and began dragging her toward the door of the assembly room.

Nesta waited until they were out the door before she turned to Eris, narrowing her eyes. “Alright, what are you up to?”

“Me?” he said innocently.

“I know you don’t honestly believe I fell for that impromptu invitation,” Nesta said, rolling her eyes. “I adore Gwyn, but she is horrible at lying. What have you two cooked up?”

Eris should have known better than to think he could get anything past his wife. “Fine,” he said, smirking. “There’s something I want to talk to you about, and it will be easier without our little whirlwind interrupting every few seconds. So I asked Gwyn to take her for the night so we can have a quiet dinner together. And an evening without a child in our bed.” Cordelia generally went to sleep in her own room, but made her way to theirs at some point during the night. They inevitably woke with her wedged between them. Eris didn’t mind it – he adored waking up with his two favorite girls, in fact. But never knowing when their daughter was likely to make an appearance did tend to put a bit of a damper on any nocturnal activities other than sleeping.

Nesta grinned as though reading his mind. “Alright, I’m listening.”

*****

“Where is everyone?” Nesta asked as they sat down to dinner. Ever since Beron had been gone, they had all preferred to use this small, family dining room in lieu of the cavernous formal banquet hall. But most evenings the table still accommodated at least six. Seeing it set for only two was incongruous.

“Well, Mother has gone to Day for the rest of the week…” Eris said.

“Also your doing, no doubt.”

“Not at all,” he argued. “If Mother wants to spend time with Lucien – and Helion – who am I to deny her?”

“The picture of innocence,” Nesta said dubiously, spooning vegetables onto her plate. “Your brothers?”

“The Reach, the training camps and the Summer Court, respectively.”

“Out with it, then. What is it we have to discuss that necessitated clearing everyone out of the house?”

“I think it’s time you became High Lady of this court,” Eris said, without preamble.

Nesta put down her fork. “What? No.”

“No? Why not?” Of all the ways Eris had envisaged this conversation possibly going, an immediate, flat-out refusal was not something he’d considered.

Nesta said nothing for a few moments, thinking. “I don’t know. I’m just… it doesn’t sound like me. I like being the Lady of this court, but I don’t need to be High Lady.”

Eris regarded his wife. Nesta cared for neither titles nor ceremony. Her mother had tried to mold her into a grasping social climber, but leaving the Night Court and her sisters behind had been her final rejection of that past. Nesta would have been content with a quiet existence. But she’d been made for greatness and it kept finding her.

“You’ve just as much right to the title as Feyre,” Eris said quietly. “If not more.”

“Is that what this is about, their visit? Rhysand has a High Lady, so you think you should have one too?”

“No!” Eris said, genuinely shocked. “You’re worth a thousand of them no matter what your title, or without any title at all.”

Feyre and Rhysand were to make their first official visit to Autumn in a little under two months – and they would bring their General with them, no doubt. Nesta had left any anger she felt towards any of them behind long ago, but Eris wasn’t sure he could ever completely forgive them for all the pain that they’d caused his wife. After she’d come to Autumn, it had taken her months to even discuss some of it with him. Much longer still for her to understand she wasn’t to blame for it. He’d tolerate Rhys and Feyre’s presence in this court for the sake of diplomacy, but posturing for their benefit was of no interest to him. He and Nesta had nothing to prove.

“So if I don’t need the title, why are you so eager to give me it?” Nesta asked, jolting him back into the moment.

“It’s not about me giving you anything,” Eris said. “You’ve earned the right to be High Lady. The effort you’ve put into making the Autumn a better place… I always had dreams of what this court could be Nesta, but without you, I couldn’t have achieved a fraction of what we’ve done since Beron’s demise. Our people respect me, but they adore you.”

“And I them,” Nesta said simply. “I don’t need to be their High Lady for that.”

Eris smiled. “Maybe not, but you know they’d love it. The Mother knows, they deserve something to celebrate.” The years after Koschei had been tough. There was not one family in Autumn – in all of Prythian – that had not suffered. It hadn’t been an ideal time to take over the reins as High Lord, but he and Nesta had built back their court, and won the loyalty of their people in the process. The birth of Cordelia four years ago had cemented Autumn’s affection for their little family.

“And there’s something you ought not to forget,” he went on, suddenly inspired. “There’s a little girl who thinks the world of you, and who might get to be High Lady of Autumn herself someday. Don’t you think that would be easier if she’d had a role model go before her?”

Nesta narrowed her eyes. “Bringing Cordi into this is absolute chicanery, Eris Vanserra! I’d have thought such things were beneath you,” she sniffed.

But Eris had seen the doubt creeping into her expression, and grinned. “Nothing is beneath me if it will help convince you to take your rightful place as High Lady of Autumn. My equal. My superior, if we’re being honest,” he said earnestly.

“Don’t over-egg the pudding,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Alright, fine. If it will make you shut up, I’ll do it. But I’m not changing anything apart from the title. I’m still going to be working with your mother on The Academy, and with Gwyn on The Sanctuary. And I’m still going to be-”

“Raining down terror on our nobility and demanding progress that nobody else is ready for? My dearest love, I would expect nothing less. I’m counting on it.”

*****

Nesta smoothed her skirts for the third time, her fingers worrying at the moss green shot silk. Eris glanced sideways at her.

“If I didn’t know better, Nesta Archeron, I’d say that you were nervous.”

She glared at him. “I am nervous! I don’t know why I let you talk me into this.”

He smiled at his wife, who had endured and triumphed over more than most could even imagine.

“We’ll do something official in the coming weeks. But this evening is private. It will just be you, me and the priestesses. So there’s nothing to be nervous about.”

Nesta looked over at him. “Really? Just us?”

“Just us,” Eris confirmed. “I thought you might like it better that way. But we will have a little celebration afterward, if that’s okay. Just family. Emerie’s coming from Illyria, and Lucien, Elain and Helion from Day.”

She gave him a grateful look. “Yes, that’s fine. Thank you. I’m glad it’s not going to be some pompous fae spectacle.”

Eris hid another smile. He wondered if Nesta would ever stop speaking of fae as though she wasn’t one of them. Far from being offended, he found it quite charming. It was fascinating to see fae behavior and customs from her perspective. It often made him look at things he’d accepted unquestioningly in a new light.

Gwyn came out to antechamber, arrayed in her robes. She sat down beside Nesta. “Jako is ready for you now,” she said quietly. “Do you have any questions before we go in?”

“Is it too late to call it off?” Nesta muttered.

Gwyn gave her friend an indulgent smile. “I’m so happy you’re doing this, you know. It’s such a huge step for the women of Autumn. An important step. Come.” Brooking none of Nesta’s objections, she took her by the hand and led her into the inner sanctum.

Standing with Nesta, facing one another before the High Priestess, couldn’t fail to put Eris in mind of their wedding. The whole thing had felt surreal. When Nesta had agreed to come to Autumn, she’d made it clear that it was on a trial basis only and she was neither accepting Eris’s proposal nor making any promises of her own. She’d been surprised when he readily agreed to give her sanctuary despite these stipulations.

He’d soon realised why. She was less than one tenth his age, and yet Nesta’s trust had been betrayed enough to last several fae lifetimes. So he’d adjusted his expectations. If there was one thing that Eris understood, it was patience. It was when they both knew that the battle with Koschei was imminent that she’d come to him.

“Do you still want to marry me?” she’d asked, in her disarming, direct way.

“Yes,” he’d replied without hesitation.

“Will you do it without any fae nonsense?”

“Yes.” He’d do the ceremony naked and standing on one leg if that’s what she wanted.

“Then I’ll do it.”

Eris’s mouth had gone dry. “You’re saying yes? Why now?”

She’d shrugged. “Because of all you’ve done for me. Because who knows if we’ll even be alive in a week’s time. But mostly because I love you.”

“Why does this feel so much like a wedding?” Nesta was saying under her breath, reading his mind as always.

The High Priestess overhead despite her low tone, and chuckled. “Well, it is, in a way. Except instead of committing yourself to a person, you’re committing yourself to a whole court.”

“No pressure, then,” Nesta joked, but she looked a little wan.

“No, no pressure,” Jako replied. “If there is love in your heart for this court and its people, you will be a loyal and just High Lady.” She smiled down at Nesta. “Are you ready?”

Nesta swallowed, then nodded.

Despite the fact that these priestesses had never had cause to perform it before, the ritual was beautifully done. It began with a hymn to the Mother in an ancient fae tongue. “It asks her to bless you with her gifts,” Eris whispered to Nesta. “Unnecessary, really, as you’re already favoured by the Mother. But the power of High Lords is seen as being bestowed by The Cauldron, so when anointing a High Lady, the Mother’s blessing is sought. It provides a kind of balance, I suppose.”

“You understand this?” Nesta asked.

“The gist of it, not word for word. I’ve done some study of ancient languages.”

“Of course you have,” she said with a half smile.

The hymn was lovely. Performed with just voices, the majority of the priestesses carried a low chant – sung at a pitch that had to be deeper than their natural registers. This was accompanied by a high, sweet contrasting melody, performed by a handful of the most gifted vocalists among the priestesses, Gwyn included. She had explained to Eris and Nesta, when she talked them through the ritual, that the two songs, blended yet distinct, were supposed to represent the light of The Mother, weaving through the darkness as she created their world and everything in it.

When the hymn concluded, there was stillness for a few long minutes as the priestesses silently prayed. But the very stone of the chapel still seemed to vibrate with sound and energy.

The period of silent prayer came to an end. All the priestesses except for Gwyn and Jako slowly filed out, leaving just the four of them to complete the most sacred parts of the ritual.

The High Priestess stepped forward to read from a leather-bound tome, still in the same old language. Something about sacred duty and binding and union. Eris couldn’t remember what Gwyn had said about this part. But it didn’t seem to require anything of them other than to stand there and listen.

When the reading came to an end, Jako motioned them both forward and had them stand at either side of a large stone set into the floor of the chapel. It glowed pale blue, similar to the invoking stones the priestesses wore over their hoods. It sat at the center point of a mandala carved directly into the stone floor of the chapel.

Eris sucked in a few deep breaths. This was the only part of the ritual he didn’t feel entirely comfortable with. He looked into Nesta’s eyes – clear and unafraid, but limned with the silvery gleam that was always there when she was experiencing strong emotion. Gwyn stepped forward, Eris’s dagger in held out in both hands, palms up.

“That’s the knife you chose?”

“It could hardly be any other.”

The dagger was plain and unadorned, but it sang with power. Power ripped from the Cauldron itself, and imbued in the knife by its maker. Nesta Archeron. The dagger that had dispatched his father and made him High Lord. The dagger that had proved vital to Koschei’s defeat.

A little piece of the power of the Cauldron, in a ritual dedicated to the Mother.

Balance.

Eris nodded to Nesta. She exhaled slowly. Then she took the dagger from Gwyn.

Eris offered her his right palm. She hesitated for a moment, then drew the blade along it. The corners of her mouth tightened as blood welled from the wound.

She passed the knife to him, then held out her own hand. Eris held the blade to her palm, but could not make himself slice into her flesh.

“Hurry up and do it,” Nesta begged.

He closed his eyes, and pressed down on the knife. Nesta didn’t make a sound, but when he opened his eyes, blood pooled in her palm as well. They gripped their right hands together tightly. Jako nodded at Eris. He cleared his throat.

“With my heart’s blood as my vow, I make you High Lady. From this day, we rule as one. Two halves of a whole, united in power.”

Jako inclined her head toward Nesta.

“With my heart’s blood as my vow, I become High Lady. From this day, we rule as one. Two halves of a whole, united in power.”

Eris’s eyes met Nesta’s, still dancing with silver light. He loosened his grip on her hand, and they allowed their mingled blood to drip and anoint the sacred stone.

He looked toward Jako. As Gwyn had explained it, that completed the ritual. It was done. Nesta was his High Lady. He smiled at her.

But instead of smiling back, she gasped in shock. “Nesta? What’s the-”

Before he could finish his sentence, the words were drowned out by a roaring in his head. He felt lightning racing in his veins, and something cool and heavy swirl in his belly. It was exhilaration and pain, ecstasy and torment. It felt similar to when the High Lord powers had settled in him, but more alien. More intense and disorienting. He grabbed for Nesta and held her to him as the strange sensations began to subside.

“Nesta! Are you okay? Talk to me.”

She nodded slowly. “Yes, it’s just I- I didn’t know that was going to happen.” She rounded on Gwyn. “You didn’t tell me about that part!”

Gwyn blinked. “What part?”

“That I’d get some of Eris’s powers! That would have been useful information to have before I agreed to this.”

Gwyn looked at her blankly. “What? I didn’t know. You have his powers? How do you know?”

“Because I can feel it,” Nesta said, frowning. “I can feel it. The flame – it’s different to mine. It’s… warm.” She held her injured right hand out in front of her, and for a second, golden flame danced over her palm.

She looked up at Eris. “Why didn’t you tell me? I didn’t want to take your powers!” Nesta looked upset, almost… guilty?

“I didn’t know either,” he said. “Powers being transferred… I’ve only ever heard of that happening to mates.” He turned toward Jako. “What is this?”

The High Priestess looked thoughtful. “I don’t know anything about it, but this ritual hasn’t been performed in Autumn in living memory,” she said. “It’s possible that some of the detail has been lost to history.”

“Well, you taught her to master her powers,” Gwyn said chirpily, trying to dispel some of the tension. “Now you’ll just have to teach her to master yours as well. Here, take your knife back.” She held the dagger out to Eris, but Jako stayed her hand.

“But this is a Made object!” she said, looking at it closely for the first time.

“Yes,” Eris said. “The occasion seemed to demand something special.”

“May I?” Jako said, indicating the dagger.

“Of course.”

She held it up, examining it. “You know… this could be answer here,” she mused. “Or part of it, at least.”

“What do you mean?” Nesta asked, her eyes narrowing.

“Well, as the High Lord said – transference of powers is usually seen in association with a mating bond – that is, a bond between equals, ordained by the Cauldron,” the High Priestess said, turning the knife over in her hand. “But during the ritual, you effectively made yourselves equals – two halves of a whole, united in power – and sealed the pact with an object imbued with the power of the cauldron.”

Eris frowned. “Are you saying… that we’ve somehow created our own mating bond?”

“Not a mating bond exactly, but a powerful bond of some sort,” Jako said. “The funny thing is though, I’d have expected it to go both ways.”

“Both ways? How do you mean?”

“Well, for something of the High Lady to pass to you as well.”

Eris and Nesta exchanged glances. She stepped forward, staring intently at him. As he met her silvery gaze, Eris felt something in him shift in response.

Nesta turned to the High Priestess. “Can I have that knife for a moment?” Jako passed it to her silently.

She held the flat of the blade up to Eris’s face. “Look. Your eyes.”

He peered into the reflective surface. His eyes looked… normal? The blade was shiny, but not as clear as a looking glass. But his own amber eyes looked back at him, completely familiar. Except for just around the pupil, where there was a little ring of…

Silver.

azriel masterlist

angst (a) fluff (f) smut (s) masterpost

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ one-shots

tis the damn season (a)

a season of sadness wanted to come to an end. 'tis the damn season and you thought maybe you could go home and live with your mate the way it was meant to be…

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ series

the cliff, 2, 3, 4 (a) (f) ongoing

you never thought that the road to your mate could bring so much suffering…

more to come...

OPEN REQUESTS (fics)

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Hey there, lovely bookworms! 📚✨ It's time to dive into the magical world of ACOTAR with yours truly, Rurulandd! 🌹✨

First off, let me introduce myself properly! I'm Rurulandd, your resident dreamweaver, weaving tales and fantasies with the stroke of my keyboard. 🖋️✨ With a heart full of passion for literature and creativity, I'm here to embark on an exciting journey with you all.

I'm extending an open invitation to all of you wonderful readers out there. Whether you're a die-hard ACOTAR aficionado or just dipping your toes into this magical world, I welcome your requests for fanfics featuring you alongside your favorite characters. 🌟✨

Just drop me your request, detailing your desired scenario and which characters you'd like to star alongside.

[I already have in my draft two unfinished fanfics with OC x Azriel, I might publish some chapters and if you like them I can continue writing them!]

✨RULES✨

What do I accept?

-Everything: Angst, Fluffy and Smut (I have never written Smut, but I'm open to everything).

-The caracheters can be either an OC or the reader itself (either gn!reader or f!reader).

-Any fic with: Rhysand, Cassian, Azriel (my man), Feyre, Nesta, Elain, Morrigan, Amren, Lucien, Eris, Kallias, Helion, Thesan, Tarquin, Jurian (you can ask me any other carachters, the ones I listed are the names that I remember).

What do I not accept?

-Anything that is too goory, you know what I mean (no carving on others bodies for sexual pleasure and extreme kinks).

-Pairing among ACOTAR carchters (like NestaxCassian or AzrielxEris) [I might accept in future, when I'll be more confident in my writing!]

-Incest

[Maybe in the future I will add something else, but for now that's it. Also, English isn't my first language, so please excuse me if I do any mistakes].

⛸️Ice princess❄️

Pt.1

Word count: 741

Warnings⚠️: Swearing, nothing more really

A/N: Hi everyone, sorry that I haven't been posting. This part is pretty short but I think it's a good introduction to a new series! Keep in mind that I don't know a lot about Ice Skating or hockey! Love/ Thecowinblack 💕

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Fuck. You were running late to practice and with nationals just a month away that was a really bad thing. Walking in through the entrance, a coffee in your hand, you quickly found your locker. Your college, Velaris school for sports, had an amazing rink. The only bad thing about it was that you were forced to share it with the hockey team, Velaris bats, a stupid name for a bunch of stupid jocks. With your skates in your hand you walked out of the locker room and went looking for your coach, Kallas. He stood by the rink looking out on the ice with an annoyed face, talking to a hockey player. And that was when you saw the guys playing, playing on the ice! This was your ice time, not those dumb idiot's. 

“Y/N finally! Azriel be a good guy and fetch your captain.” Your coach told you and the hockey player, Azriel. He nodded and skated out on the ice. While he got his captain your coach scolded you for running late. You explained that your math teacher had talked to you, wanting you to tutor some student. Kallias sighted but nodded and told you he'd get the speaker for your music so that you could get started right after the boys left the rink. He walked away and left you to take care of the idiots as the captain of the hockey team made his way over to you, Azriel shortly after him. 

“You're going to get your and you're teams stupid hockey shit of my ice right now I'll fucking kill you.” You told him, anger in your voice.

“Not going to happen sweetie, you were late.” The captain said.

“Rhysand, it's her ice time.” Azriel mumbled. Rhysand just rolled his eyes and that was when you snapped. You skated out on the ice and grabbed their hockey pucks. The team exchanged confused looks and you looked at Rhysand. 

“Alright everyone, let's give the ice princess her ice time. Come on guys.” He said as the rest of the team got off the ice. For a couple of seconds you met eyes with Azriel and he opened his mouth like he was about to say something but quickly shut it again. Kallias tapped your shoulder and told you to do your routine so that you could use the rest of your practice to hone your moves. Turning around to start you saw that the entire hockey team was seated on the benches beside the ice. You rolled your eyes and began, almost feeling like you were one with the music.

Your routine was going smoothly and you were ready to attempt the triple axel in the middle of the routine. You'd never really gotten it and you knew that this was your last chance. If you didn't ace it Kallias would switch it with a double axel. You lifted up in the air, feeling everyone's eyes on you and did it. You landed perfectly, and continued the routine with strikingly more confidence. You'd done it. You aced the routine, if you made this on the competition you might, no you almost certainly will make it to the olympics. When finishing the show with your double lutz you received a standing ovation from the skaters in your hall. Even some of the dumb hockey jocks clapped. Feeling bold you turned against them and gave them a bow, a smirk blooming on your face. Once again your eyes met Azriels and he raised his eyebrows and clapped. 

You threw yourself down on your bed, exhausted from all off the training you'd done today. You'd done it, the trick you'd been training on for so fucking long. Suddenly you heard a knock on the door and a note slipped under it. You jumped out of bed and quickly reached for it. It was an invite to a party at Rhysands house. Was this some kind of prank? A prank to either get her away from her dorm or something worse? The hockey team probably didn't like her after today's practice and they were famous for their pranks. “We’re hoooome!” you heard your roommate, Feyre call out. “Shhh she's probably tired, screaming won't help.” Nesta mumbled. Well usually you would be but after all the drama today? You couldn't wait to tell them about practice. “It's alright, you guys aren't going to believe everything that happened today!” You said.

Broken promises pt.4

Moodboard Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4

Reader x Eris

Summary: New inhabitants in the Autumn Court and some real explanation to the last parts ending...

Warnings: Fluff

A/n: Hi everyone! I'm soooo sorry this took so freaking long to make. I've literally had no inspiration for this universe but I decided to write a short part and see if it comes back! I love you all /Thecowinblack💕💕💕

A/n 2.0: Oh and imagine that Nesta hasn't yet been forced to live at the house of wind, for the sake of my story line.

The realization hit you hard.Your whole childhood had been a lie. Everything from your moment's with your mother, no adopted mother to the moments with your brothers back in the war camps. Nothing had been real, because you weren't his sister. You didn't have a brother. You didn't even have real parents, The Mother obviously didn't count. Not more than the King of Hybern counted as Elain or Nestas father. Everything was like a long forgotten memory, a memory that always existed in your brain, just blurry. And now it was totally clear.

You'd been created by the Mother. As a tool on earth. You could see things, like a seer but instead of seeing the future you could see your creator's wishes. But still. There was something that still was blurry, something about your powers. The one's that even frightened Armen.

You realized that you'd arrived at your door. The door to the room that you and Eris shared. You opened the door. Wondering how the hell you were supposed to tell Eris this. Walking in you could see him spread out on the couch, reading something.

“Eris, I need to talk to you about something.”

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You and Eris had arrived back at your estate a couple days ago. Everything that you'd learned you'd told him. From the fact that you weren't Rhysands sister to your powers. All of it. And somehow he hadn't been confused, he had understood.

“Y/N come on, I'm dying of hunger!” Eris called out from the staircase.

“I'm on my way!” You shouted back.

Running down to the dining room you saw Lucien and… Nesta. You quickly pulled her in for a hug.

“What are you two doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in the Night court?” You asked them.

“Fayre and Rhysand made an ultimatum, stay in the House of wind with no alcohol and train and work in the library, bla bla bla or move out of the court. I thought of what you said at the meeting so I decided to come here.” Nesta said to you.

“I couldn't deal with Elain and Azriel anymore so I just decided to leave. You guys are okay with us staying here right?” Lucien told you and Eris.

“Of course, let's eat and then I can show you around Nes!”

Dinner was amazing and you later pulled Nesta with you, leaving your husband and his brother to talk alone.

“Do you want to see the library?” You asked her. Nesta nodded and you opened the large oak doors behind you. The walls were covered in bookshelves with books in all colors. You could see Nestas eyes lit up. You knew this library was bigger than any in the Night court, and filled with romance. You guided her over to that section and she quickly grabbed a couple books.

“Can the rest of the tour wait until tomorrow?” She asked you and you started to laugh and to your surprise did too. A big smile painted your lips as you grabbed your own book and the two of you sat down on the closet couch, just reading.

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A/n: I know that this one was really short but I'll probably write another really soon! Bye byeee!

Taglist: @queerqueenlynn @se7enteen--black-blog @mybestfriendmademe @cleverzonkwombatsludge @myromanempiree @st4r-girl-official