Batfam Incorrect - Tumblr Posts - Page 3

Dick: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming

Barbara: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak

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Damian: I'm a reverse necromancer.

Carrie: Isn't that just killing people?

Damian: Ah, don’t sweat the details .

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Jason: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-

Dick: Twelve, actually.

Jason: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?

Dick: Yours!

Jason: That's right: no one's.

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Damian: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Steph: I think you mean cards.

Damian, pulling knives out of their sleeves: No, I do not.

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Store Worker: Would a Mr. Bruce Wayne please come to the front desk?

Bruce, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: points to the batkids

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Dick, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Bruce: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

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Barbara: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

Luke: You people already know too much about me.

Tiffany: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

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Tim: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it

Cullen: Just rip the bandage off.

Tim: It’s Kon.

Cullen: Put the bandage back on.

Duke: I can explain.

Bruce: Can you?

Duke: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

Black canary: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Dick: It’s not a joke.

Dick: *sniffles*

Dick: I’m a legit snack.

Jason : Do you take constructive criticism?

Roy: I only take cash or credit.

Wally : What are amphetamines?

Dick: Drugs that can go on land and water.

Wally : Ohhhh.

Dick: I can't believe you've done this.....

Wally: I'm sorry I didn't know-!

Dick, on the verge of tears: YOU CAN'T JUST BUY ME A GIFT OUT OF NOWHERE NOW I FEEL LIKE A HUGE ASSHOLE!

Terry: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?

Damian: For the dogs.

Terry: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?

Damian: They don't know how.

Dick: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.

Wally: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.

Dick: But you’re always acting stupid?

Wally: ...

Wally: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

*Harper and Cullen are doing something absurdly dangerous*

Harper: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time!

Cullen , deadpan: Well that's encouraging.

Tim: What do you think Jason will do for a distraction?

Duke: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Duke: ... or they could do that.

Luke: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?

Barbara: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-

Dick: Smad

Bruce: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.

Robin! Dick: You and me!!!

Bruce, tearing up: Okay.

Dick: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Wally: Okay.

Dick: And make out during the scary parts.

Wally: Th-

Wally: The scary parts.

Wally: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Dick: Remember when you didn't try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?

Jason: Stop romanticizing the past.

Dick: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?'

Dick: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.

Carrie: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Bruce: You're like 10 years old

Carrie: I MIGHT DIE AT 20!

Duke: Hey, you want some leftovers?

Tiffany: What's that?

Duke: You've never had leftovers???

Tiffany: No, because I'm not a quitter.

Damian: It’s dark in here

Jon: Don’t worry dude I got this

Jon: *Stomps their feet*

Jon: *Skechers light up*

Alfred: Hey, it's your turn to wash dishes.

Tiny emo Bruce: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.

Alfred: 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?

Selena: As top in this relationship, I think we should-

Bruce : I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.