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love, pt. 2

01. 02. 03.

DEAR Y/N,

― I feel so miserable these days. Almost like I can’t do anything at all because all I can think of is you. Maybe you hate me right now. Maybe you want nothing to do with me. But I can’t leave you. The you who I see in my dreams screams at me to leave. To move on, to heal. But how can I heal without you? How can I move on when all I hear is your voice when I listen to her.

She knows about you, I can sense it. She knows the truth because I have done nothing to hide it from her. Yesterday I woke up in the middle of the night sobbing because I dreamed of you again. She heard my cries for help and did nothing but stare at me like I was some pathetic loser. And maybe I am a loser. A loser who wants the impossible. The impossible of your smile, your lips, your eyes, and everything that you once gave me.

Fuck, when I think about you with someone else, it hurts. Why are you with him? He doesn’t deserve you. Hell, maybe I don’t deserve you either. But I am selfish, and all I crave is you. Don’t refuse me, don’t try to keep me away. I’m lonely and I’m aching for you. Please. You are the only cure to my pain, to the emptiness I feel within my heart.

Please come and save me.

YOURS TRULY,

Jungkook

saturn

The rain poured on me, but I didn’t care. I rushed through the crowds of people, screaming her name because it was all I could do. Voice out my frustrations because she was leaving me. Voice out those demons that wanted to burst out of me. 

I tried to hold onto her, but she pushed me away. She looked at me with cold eyes and tears that were starting to form in the corners of her eyes. She turned away from me, leaving me in a state of pain that even I couldn’t understand. 

Then her voice and words from that letter came back to me.

The flowers in my garden are starting to wither away. One by one, soon enough they will all be gone. I won’t tend to those flowers any longer. Just like I won’t tend to our relationship either.

Priorities to you are your family and the children you will have one day. I heard she’s pregnant and it’s unfortunate how I didn’t hear it from you. Must be nice to have a dream of yours come true. Even if it’s not with me. It hurts, but it’ll hurt more if I stay.

Remember the nights you were in my bed. Those nights will remain precious to me till my last breath on this earth. On this planet where I met you. A man with a wife and an unborn child. Maybe on another planet, maybe on Saturn live the children we never had. Maybe on Pluto screams of love can still be heard. Maybe on the moon we both scream alone begging for forgiveness. 

Last night, after you drifted to sleep, I pondered what our lives would have been like if I had met you earlier. If I had met you before you married, would you have fallen for me? These questions will be left unanswered. The love that screams your name within me will stay. But you, my lover will fade away. 

Treasure our memories like I’ll treasure your face. I know you don’t love her, but one day the feelings you have for me will be shared with her. Your tears will disappear and be replaced with smiles and laughter. This child you will have one day will remind you of why you are alive. To be loved and to love.

It’s tragic that you won’t love me. But know this Jungkook, you will always be loved by me. 

Remembering those words, god it’s so painful to exist. To exist in a world where my life does not depend on me. Where I have responsibilities and places I have to be. Because if I could choose where to be, I would choose you in a heartbeat.

notes. this drabble was inspired by the song, Saturno by Pablo Alboran. it doesn’t give the same vibes as the song, but i like the end result. i did use a few lyrics from the song, the words that are bolded are the ones i used. i think overall this is a good piece of work. i mean it could be better, but i like it the way it is. i hope you will like it too. also, i think this video goes pretty well with this. enjoy!

love, pt. 3

01. 02. 03.

DEAR Y/N,

― I had no idea you could be so cruel. Tell me, what was the point of sending him here to see me. Did you think that a few wounds would change my mind? I’m not insane love. I caught what you were trying to do.

He beat me up and yelled at me. He yelled about the two of you getting married and that I needed to stop with the letters. That you were tired of me and you wanted me out of your life. That those stupid letters were driving both of you sick. 

But you know what I find funny about this situation. How you still read my letters. Trust me, I know you will read this one too. Taehyung, I think that’s his name, your friend sent me a text telling me that you missed me. But you didn’t have the courage to come find me. You still love me, yet you are doing everything you can to keep me away.

Unfortunately, I’m tired of this game we’re playing. If you don’t have it in you to forgive me, then there’s no hope. I left her by the way. I left her because I wanted to be with you. You should do the same. 

But not for me, for yourself. Maybe I did cross the line with my letters, but I was dying in the inside. I cried myself to sleep every night I was with someone else. All I wanted was you and look at how you treat me. 

I’ll keep myself at a distance from you now. But I can’t say I’ll wait forever y/n.

Who knows, maybe one day I will love someone else.

SINCERELY,

Jungkook

notes. and this is how it finally ends. i wanted the ending to be more tragic or sad, but i didn’t want the ending to be painful for jungkook only. in the end, you can decide how this really ends. with jungkook and y/n together or apart forever. anyway, take care everyone and thanks for reading my first series of drabbles. bye.

i’m here for you

[3:00 am]

hey i know you’re not doing well. i know you are struggling with life and you feel like a failure. but you know i’m here for you, right? i’m here to stay and make you feel better. but you need to realize that you need to put yourself first. if your parents are forcing you to do this and that, ignore them. do what makes you happy. we only live once. i want to see you happy. i want to see you achieving all your dreams. no matter how small they are, i’m sure you can make them true. and i’ll be there with you. just trust me and trust yourself. ignore the people that call you names or hurt you. yes you can’t escape from the pain. but if you can work through it, there is nothing that can stop you. not even i could stop you from being happy. so go, go do what you want to do and don’t look back! oh and remember that i love you <3

delivered

when the moon rises

It’s 6 pm.

Concern laces your features as you flip through the study guide one of your peers lent you. The man, Jimin claimed that these papers would help you finish well. The end of the semester was approaching and next week would be quite eventful. The last week of college, when all finals would take place.

The classes you take, well they aren’t too hard. There’s just one class that you wish you hadn’t taken for your first semester of senior year. Oh well. Everyone makes mistakes.

The night is approaching and you wish you had more time. But you want to leave as soon as the moon rises. As soon as the moon is out and you can see its beautiful light. As soon as this happens, you will go find the person you most adore.

The library is quiet, but you think there might be a better place to study. Only you might find it hard to occupy your time reading and taking practice tests if you go there. Your focus would be on the handsome owner of the small bookshop near the city.

The walk to get there would take about 20 minutes, but you didn’t mind.

Not at all.

The whole time you’re walking, you’re thinking of the book you want to discuss with him. He recommended Frankenstein to you. You were reluctant to read it at first, but you gave it a chance. Especially because he suggested you would enjoy it.

The book was good. But it left you a little sad. You hoped he would recommend something completely different. Maybe a book to pass the time.

Finally, you arrive in front of the bookshop. The name of it displayed on the mirror reflects the moon adorning the sky. Magic Shop. Once you asked him why he chose this name for the shop. He didn’t give an answer at first.

But he eventually gave in to your whining.

“I don’t know. Maybe because many people come here to find some comfort. Like you.”

The moment he said this, you wondered if he knew why you came here every time the moon rose out to decorate the night sky. 

The moon. Before you two met, you swore there was nothing more beautiful than the moon. Now you know his eyes are more beautiful.

You interrupt your own thoughts and rush inside the shop. The night was finally here and you felt a sprinkle of water. Was it going to rain? Hopefully not.

When you step inside, he is there organizing a few bookshelves. He doesn’t hear you come in, earbuds in both ears. Only when you get closer does he notice your presence. “Oh hey.” He says this with a smile on his face. He’s happy to see you.

He stands up from his spot and removes both earbuds from his ears. “You are late.”

“I’m sorry Jungkook.”

The boy gives you this look, the kind of look he gives you when he’s been reminded of something. Sometimes it’s something stupid. Like when he forgets where he put the keys to close the shop. Or when he forgets that he boiled water for coffee.

“Wait here.” He quickly walks over to the checkout counter. His hands search for something and your curiosity grows. They reach for something, a piece of paper that’s been crumbled.

“You know Taehyung? The good-looking guy that’s always looking at books but never buys any.” The name is unfamiliar to you. But you do remember this man who always came to the shop. He never bought a book and you wondered if maybe he just liked to look at them.

But he could just go to the library.

“Yes, I do remember him. But why does it-”

Jungkook walks over to where you stand and hands you the paper. “Well, now we know why he likes this shop so much.” He smiles, but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. The crumbled paper is now in your hand and you are confused. But you open it anyway.

It read the following.

I like you. Sorry for not coming to you. Please call me.

There was a phone number under these words. You look up at him. “He comes here because he likes you?” Jungkook starts laughing the moment you say this. His eyes crinkle a bit like they always do when he laughs. He can’t meet your gaze because he swears he won’t be able to stop laughing.

He stops when you continue to stare at him in confusion.

“No stupid. He likes you.”

Oh.

Oh.

“But why? He doesn’t know me.” Taehyung never spoke a word with you. You were beyond confused. But also concerned for him. He thought it was better to leave a note than to speak to you. What kind of guy does that?

He smiles at you. “I guess he liked you the very moment he saw you.” The silence that follows after concerns you. But you can’t seem to find any words to say. Jungkook is trying to decipher what it is you are feeling.

“The poor paper is in such a bad state. Why is it so crumbled?”

Jungkook’s eyes widen a bit. “Well, I was debating whether I should give it to you or throw it away.” He doesn’t dare look at you after confessing this. You wanted to know why he wanted to discard the paper.

“Why? He gave it to you so you could give it to me. Were you really going to throw it away? That’s not very nice of you.”

He looks like he wants the ground to swallow him. “No no. I just felt a bit jealous. But I didn’t let it get the best of me.” He felt jealous. No way.

“Jealous? I’m not your girlfriend Jungkook.”

“But you could be.” He meets your eyes and his face looks pretty serious. He’s not joking or flirting for no reason. Sometimes the two of you flirt with each other. But just for fun. Silly things friends do. Though there’s nothing silly about this.

“Jungkook-”

He cuts you off.

“Look I know you like me too.”

You are going to lose your mind.

“I know this because you come here every night.”

Shit. He knew.

“I thought you just wanted to be my friend. But the looks you give the group of girls that come late at night with the excuse that they just want to read some books say something else. You can see right through them and I can too. We’re not oblivious to these people and their intentions. But it appears that you are oblivious to mine.”

He closes the distance between the two of you.

“Kindness only goes so far. I don’t have long conversations with most of my customers. I don’t ask them about their personal lives. I only took interest in you. Y/n we like each other so let’s stop pretending.”

You feel overwhelmed. But the good kind of overwhelmed. When you are feeling so many emotions, you can’t quite understand yourself. You kind of hate yourself for not realizing his feelings sooner. But you also blame him.

“Okay, maybe I was a little oblivious. But you! You never said anything, so I never did either. If someone’s at fault, it’s both of us.”

Jungkook smiles and nods his head. Your words are nothing but true. This confession causes an ache in your heart. How much time have you wasted? But there was no point in regretting the past. The future didn’t look so bad now.

You are lost in your thoughts and he uses this as an opportunity to kiss you. He kisses you gently with both of his hands cupping your face. The kiss doesn’t last very long. But the feel of his lips on yours consumes you with euphoria.

When Jungkook stops kissing you, he places a kiss on your forehead. Then he holds you in his arms for a while. At this moment, you’re so happy you could die in his arms. The warmth holds you close and you wish to stay with him like this forever.

But then he parts from you. He smiles and his eyes do the same. You’re about to ask him if you guys are dating now when he reads your mind. “Now my dear girlfriend. Tell me about the book. Did you like it? How about a cup of coffee?”

You smile. Forget the stupid finals. Tonight you were going to focus on Jungkook only.

notes. i wrote this one pretty quickly. it’s a simple story and it’s quite long compared to other drabbles. but i wouldn’t call this a oneshot. i hope you guys liked it as much as i did. thanks for taking the time to read this! enjoy <3

this stubborn heart

The morning awoke Jungkook with warmth and he allowed himself to believe that the day would turn out differently.

His days so far had been marked with pain. Days where all he did was cry and drink until he was completely numb of any emotion. The memory of you and your hands letting go of him was engraved in his head. The wounds you had given him were becoming scars at this point.

He laid there on the hard floor, contemplating skipping another day of work. But he knew better than to actually go through with the idea. As much as he liked to believe he had enough to survive another day, he knew the money he had left would not be enough for him to sustain himself.

When he finally got out of bed and out of the small house, he walked over to the stables.

The man he grew accustomed to greeting every day was there cleaning the stables. “It’s a bit early for you, sir?” the man asked him as he worked on his morning duties.

“Yes, it is. But someone needs to bring food to the table.”

He barely made enough money to buy this house. The house he gifted you when you told him you’d leave everything behind to be with him. But there was no point in feeling sorry for himself. He deserved a life without you.

After leaving the stables, he walked over to his cart. Grabbing the cloth that covered the cart, he discarded it to reveal the goods he would sell for the day. There wasn’t anything in there of great value. Only a few spices, wine, fruits, and vegetables.

The sun welcomed Jungkook as he moved his cart to a less crowded area in the village. As much as he wanted to sell everything he had, he didn’t want to fight again with the other merchants. They all shared a distaste for him. Maybe it was the fact that his sole existence stole their customers.

Unfortunately, he didn’t like conflict so he was going to avoid them at all costs.

He closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh morning air. When he opened them, a couple made their way to his cart. The words that he always rehearsed with a smile were ready to spill out. But the moment he saw your face, he couldn’t say a word. Time froze for a few seconds and he thought he was going to die at that exact moment.

You appeared indifferent to him, almost like you didn’t recognize him. The man to your right was linking arms with you. His smile never once faded while he spoke to Jungkook. The poor man was oblivious to the tension between the merchant and you.

“Sir please be quick. We have a ship to board.”

Jungkook lowered his head and grabbed a bag from one of the boxes that he kept inside the cart. He placed the fruit inside one by one. But he was quick with it, having done this since he was a child.

If he looked up, he knew your eyes would be focused on the man by your side.

He’d be a liar if he said it didn’t hurt.

Maybe you really did give up on him.

The rumors of you and some other man were true. He couldn’t live in denial anymore. The evidence of the bitter truth was right in front of him. Yet he wanted to believe that you still loved him. That those glossy eyes and pretty lips still belonged to him.

He handed the bag to the man without looking over at the two of you. The feeling of sadness was consuming him and he wanted to leave.

When the man paid him, he finally got the courage to look up at you. He had to savor your face one last time. His stubborn heart needed a final image of the face of the woman he loved.

“You’re leaving everything behind?”

The question spilled out before he could shut himself up. Your eyes met his face and you finally showed him a glimpse of what he missed the day he let go of you. Three months had passed and it felt like it was just yesterday.

When his misery clouded his mind and caused him to say mean things he didn’t mean. The fight started over the stupidest thing. But it escalated when he mentioned that you made a mistake leaving your family and life for him. This hurt you and in return, you hurt him.

“I regret ever meeting you.”

The moment those words left your mouth, you wanted nothing more than to disappear. Especially when Jungkook’s eyes met yours and he stayed silent. He wasn’t going to cry or have a breakdown.

Even when you opened the door to leave, he didn’t make an effort to stop you. He had an expression of pure agony, but he kept himself there. You cursed him for the love that left as quickly as it started. Nothing was left of it, but memories.

You despised him for breaking your heart. For stepping on it over and over again. But this stupid heart of yours ached for him. The heart that never stopped loving him.

The heart that made you believe it was possible to start over.

“If you tell me to stay, I’ll stay.”

notes. i love displaying what love really is. something so beautiful yet so painful. two lovers that are flawed. yet they can’t leave each other. if you read this, thanks! i appreciate it a lot <3

i swear i love you

note. i wanted to write something longer but i didn’t have the time to do so. i got a little sad and i guess i expressed it a little through this. even i felt an ache when i read this. interpret this in whatever way you want and take care <3

The clouds drift slowly as the night comes.

The glow of the moon reflects on the window.

Keeping a smile on your face, you repeat to yourself the comforting words of yesterday.

Comforting words whispered in the darkness of your room.

Whispers of promises that were bound to be broken.

His eyes and mouth were kept on you throughout the night.

Limbs tangled and warmth wrapped around you.

Love that can’t be forgotten.

Even now that you wait for him.

Even now you are sure this dream will come to an end.

All the good that comes goes.

So when he finally comes home to you with guilt in his eyes.

You allow yourself to believe his words for a little longer.

“I swear I love you.”

maple syrup

note. i listened to maple syrup by the backseat lovers and this came to mind.

Those who dwell too much on their pain don’t make it out alive. They drown and drown in a pool of misery. 

When one allows misery to consume them, it’s pretty much over for them. Hope is the last straw. But I pulled too much on the thread. I doubt there is any hope left.

I keep myself seated out of fear that you might see me. Your eyes wander around. I noticed that from the moment I came in. Crowds gather in front of the stage. Hungry eyes devouring each one of the dancers.

But my eyes are reserved only for you. Only for the woman I love most.

Last night I awoke from a nightmare. Picked up the phone, ready to call you. But the realization of what I had done came over me. Like rain that pours on the ground of the earth and sea.

The purple sweater I keep on that small chair. It looks at me like I’m a pathetic loser. I throw it away only to go back and keep it again. I can’t stop looking for you.

Even the memories are still clear. Still projecting in my head. Like a movie that’s 3 hours long but feels way too short. I pick at the memories and play each one. 

I can never savor those moments. Reminding me of all the shit I took for granted. No one is as much of an idiot as me. If that were the case, I wouldn’t be watching you from the very back.

No. I would be there right in front. 

Only I was too late to realize you were the one for me. 

I spoke to the wrong person. Allowed her to get in my head. Allowed her to place her filthy hands on me. To say I was blind is an understatement.

But you always had your arms open. I thought it would be the same. There was no way you would ever leave me. At least that’s what I allowed myself to believe.

I hurt you. I deserved the fall and the torture of it all. 

The night approaches and you’re almost leaving. I stay seated and watch as you pick your stuff up. Your eyes never meet mine. But I know you saw me. I know you saw me cry when I looked at you. 

In the arms of another. That was the last time I ever saw you.

long long time

note. i’ve been watching daisy jones & the six. camila has my heart. you could say this is inspired by her. to be honest, i wish to write some fluff. but i don’t know when that will be. so for now, enjoy the pain.

She misses the simple times.

The simple times he’d take her out to see the ocean or eat strawberries with cream. Those times when she’d catch a glimpse of a smile on his face. Even when she knew he wasn’t hers to keep she still felt that they shared too many beautiful memories together.

He’s out there with his band and his music. She rarely gets to see him these days. But he calls every night. Though she knows he may come to love her, she has no hope.

Love is too precious to be wasted on him. Yet she yearns for it anyway. She doesn’t think of the others who he sleeps with. The others who keep him company when she’s not there.

The last thing she needs is to torment herself with those thoughts. Maybe in a perfect world or in a perfect life, she’d meet a man who would only ever belong to her.

The perfect man. She thinks there’s no such thing. A man who is true to his feelings and his woman.

She knows he’s not perfect. But she’s okay with a man like him.

She knows she may not be his only lover, but she’s his only muse. He writes her songs and sings them to her. There’s nothing more she wishes to have. If he’s by her side, what more could she want?

The days go by and she keeps waiting to hear him say, “It’s over darling.”

Will that day ever come? When he comes to his senses and realizes he’s messed with her too much. Will he ever leave her?

She envisions the pain and the heartache that might come.

But for now, she will hear him sing. She will hear him speak and complain. She will hear it all and endure the hurt. She knows the last thing she will ever hear is,

“I love you.”

Today and tomorrow. She knows she will love him for a long long time.

let me in

genre. angst.

summary. jungkook is in denial. he knows you’re gone but he still hopes he’ll see you. even if it is in the eyes of another woman. even if it is against his own will. 

warnings. mentions of nausea and death. use of cuss words. suicidal thoughts.

note. wtf did i just write? please let me know if i should write a part two. 

The boy cried as his life was stripped away. 

A lit candle in the middle of the woods, then a moment of silence passed and the flame was put out. The quiet of the night pulled the boy into a deep slumber. Death frowned upon him and with one cold whisper, it was gone. But the boy remained in the middle of the woods.

“Jungkook.”

The whisper of his name awoke him. 

Nightmares had devoured his soul. As soon as he closed his eyes, he’d see the same vision of the dead boy in the woods. The same eyes welcomed him with despair and a cry for help. But he could only ever witness the tragedy. Never could he save him.

“Thank the heavens you’re ok!”

His vision was blurry, but he could still see the face of the woman standing near his bed. The realization that it wasn’t you dawned on him. If he closed his eyes, would he see you instead of her?

“Jungkook our parents are waiting for us outside. They have everything ready. We just need to sign the papers.”

The minute he awoke, he felt uneasy. He knew that instant that he was sick. The pain in his stomach distracted him from the voice of the woman. He quickly sat up and looked down at the floor. But when she spoke those words, he couldn’t hold himself any longer.

The urge was much stronger than him. Before he could run off to the bathroom, he threw up on the floor. The hot liquid burned his mouth and he couldn’t breathe. When he knew it was over, he ran off to the bathroom like his life depended on it.

He heard her scream his name.

The events of yesterday replayed in his head. His parents were making arrangements for a marriage he never consented to. All of it was planned so he could move on from you.

But he swore he’d never leave you.

Once he was inside the bathroom, he rushed over to the sink and washed his mouth. Even looking at himself made him sick so he avoided staring at the mirror in front of him. He was busy cleaning himself, but he still felt his throat burning like he was bleeding from a deep painful cut.

He heard voices and footsteps coming near the door. 

“Is he ok?”

“No, I think he’s sick again.”

“Maybe it’s not a good idea, we should let him be.”

“No! This boy needs to forget about her.”

“You really think he’ll forget if he marries?”

They whispered to each other, clearly thinking he wouldn’t hear them. 

Every day was the same. He’d spend every minute crying over you and then sleeping. Sometimes without thinking, he’d leave the house and walk to the river near your home. He’d swim while wondering if you were there with him.

But today was different.

Today he tried to drown himself. He allowed the water to devour his body. He urged death to touch him. To call him to rot completely in oblivion.

He was this close to the sweet slumber of death, but his parents found him. They saved him once. They didn’t have to save him twice. He didn’t need saving. He needed you.

The rest of his life would be hell.

If you weren’t there, what could he possibly do? The logical thing was to please his parents for his own sake. 

They would never leave him. Not until he signed the fucking papers. Not until he was at the altar marrying this woman he didn’t even know. What was her name? He had nothing to lose, but nothing to gain either.

Except if he tried real hard, he’d be able to see a glimpse of you through her. Maybe.

Maybe.

Fuck. He was sick.

Gathering himself, he stood up and opened the door slowly. He was glad that his parents were not there anymore. But the woman he was supposed to marry was sitting on the floor crying silently. If he wasn’t in love, maybe he’d try to fall for her.

But you were his love. The only woman for him.

He had to remind himself of that.

“Please be honest. You don’t want this, right?”

She stared at him with bitterness in her eyes. Like she was angry at him. But he didn’t quite understand her. It wasn’t his fault. None of this was.

Instead of responding, he kept thinking of the miserable life that awaited him.

“I know you still love her, but I don’t care. Please marry me. Please love me.”

Jungkook couldn’t feel his body anymore, but he walked over to her anyway. She stood up immediately when he was finally near her. When he was so close to her, she could touch his face with both hands. He felt like throwing up again, but he reminded himself that soon everything would be over.

He knew it was hard to act like everything was fine.

He knew it was hard to lie. 

Never once did he lie to you.

To become a liar, he would have to leave himself behind.

“Let me in.”

Jungkook smiled while she held his face. The moment she saw his pretty smile, she hugged him tightly like she was afraid he’d leave for good. When he separated from her, she waited for him to speak.

And so he did. He spoke the words that were never meant for her.

“Go tell them..go tell them we’re getting married.”

She couldn’t hide the joy that was spreading in her. It was so evident that she was happy. He almost felt a little bad. But the moment she turned away from him, he allowed the tears he was holding to spill down his cheeks.

At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to die.

lie to me

genre. angst.

summary. jungkook is reminded of the day he left you. the day you cheated on him. the day he gave you a second chance. the day the two of you were separated.

warnings. infidelity. explicit language

note. i was bored so i wrote this. tell me why i love writing angst? i wish i didn’t.

The first of September. It’s meant to be a special day, but I can’t help remembering the yellow flowers you received that evening three years ago. I saw your face change so quickly, I swore you weren’t feeling well. I asked immediately if something was wrong. You denied me, you refused to tell me the truth. I must confess I hated you the moment I saw you cry when I threw those flowers away.

When you were sleeping, I couldn’t help but stay awake. I stared at the ceiling with fear spreading in my chest. The numbing feeling hurt me as I kept overthinking the worst. You cheated before. Were you capable of doing it again?

The sight that welcomed me the next day after work confirmed my suspicions. The minute I stepped inside the apartment, I heard you, my love. I heard the whispers and the moans spilling out of your mouth. I can’t recall if I heard him too. But if I did, I can’t remember. I must have blocked it.

The pain was too much to bare, you know? Heartbreak. I thought I wouldn’t feel this way again. Tell me, is it possible to feel your heart break when it’s been broken before? I know I should have left, but even the disgust couldn’t prevent me from feeling curious.

I took small steps, afraid that one wrong move would alert you. I’m going to be honest with you. I had dreamed of catching you in the act before. When you first cheated, it was you who admitted to your fault. It hurt. But I knew if I had seen it all unravel in front of me, I would have died with my heart wounded by the arrow you shot at me.

When I opened the door, I don’t think I was aware of what I would find. The two bodies enveloped under the blue sheets our friends gifted us when we first moved in together were moving with no awareness of me. I thought even at that moment that if I had dropped a coin on the floor, you wouldn’t have heard me.

Finally, I think you perceived something was wrong because you looked over his shoulder in worry. When you saw me, you immediately pushed his body away. The man’s face crumbled when he saw me. I knew then that he was no stranger to my existence. You rushed to find your clothes, not hiding your nakedness from me. Though I could tell you were ashamed.

I gave the two of you time to get dressed. The man had the audacity to kiss you before leaving. But you were only looking at me with worried eyes. I knew you knew what was going on in my head. You always said my eyes could never lie.

When our home was in silence, I told you to sit down. You moved closer to me, but I turned away from you. “I can fix this Jungkook. I can fix us. Please give me some time to forget.” To forget? I didn’t understand what that even meant. But I made the best guess I could.

“You want time to forget him?”

You frowned when you heard my response. “No. I mean I want to forget I hurt you again so you can forget as well. Please Jungkook.” The eyes I once loved were pleading with me and for a second, just a split second I believed your words were honest. The tears were so close to spilling from your eyes, it was pretty evident given you stopped looking at me after you said this.

“You look so pretty when you are about to cry.”

It was obvious you hated what I said. You looked up at me with angry eyes. I wasn’t looking for a fight. I had enough of hearing your voice. “Jungkook be serious! I just fucked someone in our bed and you’re not even acknowledging what I did! Say something!”

“Fine. I’ll be honest. I hated you when you cheated on me the first time, but I healed. I moved on. I chose to stay with you because I loved you.”

I kept my eyes on you because I wanted you to see I was being honest. There was no lie and no reason to deceive you. “I loved you. But I think I don’t anymore. I thought I’d die if you cheated on me again. I felt sick, I won’t deny that. But when I saw you with him, would you believe me if I said I felt relieved? Like I was finally free. It sounds crazy but it’s true. I don’t hate you anymore.”

The words spilled out of my mouth so quickly like it was the first time I was telling the truth. Lies were always bound to break people apart. No one ever warned me that truths would do just the same.

I heard you cry that night. I heard your muffled pleas and your tearful apologies. I heard it all. Though I wanted to comfort you, I didn’t feel like I had the right to anymore. I realized then that I didn’t pity myself anymore. No, I didn’t pity the person I used to be or the person I was at that moment. I pitied you.

And I pitied you even more when I heard you say, “Lie to me. Tell me you still love me. Fucking lie to me.”

Well, some things aren’t meant to be. I realized that when I gave you a second chance. But I don’t regret it. No how could I? I’m sitting here on my birthday with the people I love most in this world. With my wife and my family.

On this special day, I give thanks to you for the life I have now.

home is where the heart is, pt. 1

genre. fantasy au. angst. fluff. 

summary. jungkook loves and loathes the sea. especially when it brings him to a place far away from home. he wants to save himself, but he knows only one person can save him.

warnings. minor character deaths. descriptions of grief. explicit language. 

note. here goes to a new drabble series. i’m excited but also very nervous. i don’t write fantasy because i’m not very good at it. but i’m giving it a try because i’m fascinated with stories about sirens and such. i hope you enjoy <3 

The sound of a female voice agitates the poor boy lying on the sand staring over at the many stars he could see adorning the night sky. The whispers of his name continuously send him to the edge of a precipice. He wishes to succumb to the feeling of her gentle and tender way of calling him over to the sea. Death calls for a sweet kiss.

His life is still as he ponders if he will ever find a way back home to his lover. Doubts scar him more deeply when he sits up and looks at the sea. There where the waves crash, there where he thinks he sees her face.

A welcoming smile and he feels weak in the knees. Death’s voice mixes with her own voice and he stands in a hurry. Eyes with tears glare at him beckoning him to walk further away from the sea. For she knows that if he meets the sweet embrace of the water, not one heartbeat of his will be heard ever again.

Shut eyes and he sees their memories play out like a story. A story that he believes may never come to an end. Only when he feels her again will he know with certainty that she is well. May it be that she has found someone to confide in. A light in the middle of the darkness that surrounds her every memory of his.

A few months had gone by. He remembers it all too well. The day all fishermen of the town gathered near the port with beaming smiles. The sky had cleared from the clouds that once met when the storm had begun. The warmth of the sun allured the men and they were sure in their hearts that they could sail safely again.

Jungkook was never meant to be there, but the young boy was too stubborn to listen to his mother when she begged him to stay. “You’re not like your father my boy. You will be nothing like him. The world’s too big for you to follow him.” These words only motivated his need to sail the seas in the company of his father, even if it was only through his ghost.

When he was about to leave, he caught a glimpse of a familiar girl in a white dress. Her hair fell over her shoulders and her cheeks were painted a pretty pink he’d only seen once. A moment when he confessed in the early days of spring that he loved her. He recalled the tears that flowed out of her eyes and the love he showed her after.

She stood away from him, afraid that if she touched him, it would be the last time.

“Oh look who came to bid me farewell.”

He felt serene when she was around. If she was there with him, his fears found no way to hurt him. Though he grew to fear losing her and that alone killed him. But if he was met with her tears, that was something else. It was hard to explain the overwhelming ache he felt when he saw her cry. Sobs that came from the pain within her heart.

He knew she was afraid, oh so afraid to lose him. In a way, he felt blessed that such a lovely person would miss him on the other side. “I’m not going to die if that’s what you’re worried about y/n. When my father sailed the sea, a storm was already approaching. Look at the sky, my love.”

She cried more quietly as she stared down at her feet. If she looked at the sky or at the boy she loved, she would fall apart. Sometimes she wondered why he was so full of life. Why his eyes would show a glimmer she’d never seen from anyone else? When his father parted from him, he spent days staring at the sea.

Jungkook had a complicated relationship with the ocean. His father had taught him everything he needed to know about fishing and the sea creatures he encountered when he left home. His father was always away. Once when he couldn’t find it in him to fall asleep, he left the comfort of his bed to find his mother.

“Oh dear, you scared me. What is a little boy doing awake at this hour?”

His doe eyes met his mother’s face and without thinking, he exclaimed, “I hate the sea! I hate it!”

A fond smile. That was the only thing his mother could give him because deep within her own heart, she also hated the sea. But not for the reasons her little baby did. No. She simply despised how much her own lover cared for it. Even more than his family.

♡´･ᴗ･`♡ 𝓶𝔂 𝓬𝓾𝓽𝓮 𝓫𝓸𝔂.

"man of bear?" barry bee benson.

Daddy vibes but smell like baby powder

"it's a baby face over a masculine body"

"smol"

God created men and sent jungkook as an apology