Chengxian - Tumblr Posts
ChengXian with Angst and ABO Dynamics
Basically...
Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian were lovers before an arranged marriage between JC and an OC broke them apart. Of course, this didn’t stop them from sneaking off together once in awhile, but one day, WWX discovered he was pregnant.
Believing JC deserved to know, he told him in private, but JC had to force himself to deny fathering the child. To admit fatherhood would be to admit being unfaithful to his principal spouse, and he couldn’t risk losing face. WWX, always the understanding man he was, just smiled and said, “Right. I must’ve gotten drunk one night and met someone.”
The unborn babe was then labeled a bastard of an unknown father.
The mother was subject to judgmental eyes wherever he went.
However, WWX wasn’t the type who wallowed in self-pity. He lived his life as he always had, even without anymore of Jiang Cheng’s secret displays of affection, and looked forward to meeting his child.
He never did. Not really.
Wei Wuxian’s labor was a hard one, and it took its toll on his body. The midwife who helped him deliver told him to rest, and then he could hold his baby once he regained his strength.
JC was allowed in the room sometime after, and he sat beside WWX, holding his hand and asking him how he felt. The midwife had left to attend to other matters, leaving the newborn babe with a wetnurse.
WWX, “J-Jiang Cheng, my baby. I want...to hold them.”
JC, sighing, “Rest for now, Wei Ying. They’ll be here when you wake up. You can hold them all you want after you rest.”
WWX’s eyes became wet with tears, he looked as though he were desperate, but he insisted no more, like he lost the energy in a flash. Instead he said, “A-Cheng...the room’s getting...dark.”
“?!” JC watched WWX close his eyes, and he’d not open them again. He felt the hand in his go slack.
“Wei Ying?
“Wei Ying?!
“Wei Ying!”
He called his name over and over, screaming so loud that he scared everyone within the area.
It didn’t matter who arrived to check on them first. WWX was dead.
Sometime after, Jiang Cheng got to hold the child he denied. He said to himself, fighting back tears, “Wei Ying never even got to hold you, and yet here I am, having that privilege instead of him. I didn’t even accept responsibility for you.”
Unfortunately, no matter how much he wanted to do right by his newborn child and the late WWX, he couldn’t accept fatherhood. His face was too important, and the wrath of the Jiang clan would be upon the helpless babe.
Soulmates AU Where WWX’s Soulmate Changes From LWJ to JC
So, if anyone's reading Fictional World by Rei0303, I came up with this idea based on that:
Let's say JC doesn't have a soulmark for whatever reason. He just doesn't.
WWX is rejected by his soulmate, LWJ. They seem wholly incompatible.
Distraught and depressed, his overall health declines because of his mental health.
JC can't stand seeing WWX, his unrequited crush, so upset and miserable; so, he confesses his love in a very Him™ fashion that involves a lot of grumbling, growling, and cursing. (Let’s also not forget threats to break WWX’s legs if he dares to speak about his mushiness to anyone else.)
WWX, moved by JC's confession, accepts his feelings earnestly.
The Twin Prides enter a relationship that almost seems like nothing's changed between them, but as time passes, WWX starts to notice that his original soulmark has begun to change, and JC notices that he has one now.
LWJ starts to notice his beginning to disappear.
A Yiling Matriarch!JYL/ChengXian ABO AU
Specifically, I wanted to talk about a reimagining of the scene where the four major sects convene at Nightless City to discuss how to deal with the Yiling Patriarch, who is alpha!JYL in this case.
@lazilylurking and I were tossing around ideas, and basically:
Alpha!JC is still the YMJ’s sect leader in this AU, and as such, he attends the conference, but he doesn’t go with the intention to lend aid. Instead, he wishes to dissuade the others from attacking his sister.
Unfortunately, JYL misunderstood her brother and thought he would lay siege on her and the Wen remnants alongside the others.
She called JC a traitor in front of the other sects, cursed him with so much venom, JC could hardly recognize her.
“A-Jie!”
“You have the audacity to address me so affectionately after you plot to destroy me?”
Nothing he said got through to her until an impulsive youth at the conference attacked her, resulting in their death and leading into what becomes known as the Bloodbath of Nightless City.
The sibling of the impulsive youth sought to avenge them and lunged at JYL with their blade, but JYL is shielded by her brother, who takes a fatal blow to the heart.
“A-...A-Cheng?”
A wet cough. “Are you all right, A-Jie?”
She let out a blood-curdling wail as her brother bled out in her arms, hardly registering his gentle hand on her cheek and his last words: “Don’t forget: I love you, A-Jie.”
That day, she lost her brother, and omega!WWX lost his husband and father of his twin daughters.
When news reached Lotus Pier that Sect Leader Jiang was dead, supposedly murdered by his own sister, WWX was inconsolable, the weight of it all so heavy that he seemed to dissociate from the world. He only awoke from his episodes to tend to his infant daughters.
The YMJ still needed a leader, however, and with Lianqi (莲祺) and Lianzhen (莲祯) too young, he had to take up the mantle of sect leader, but he insisted on being referred to as Madame Jiang. The title of sect leader was reserved for JC and Lianqi.
Some afterthoughts:
In this universe, omega!WCZ survived the night hunt that canonically killed him and alpha!CSSR. Heavily but not mortally injured, he made it back to the inn WWX was left at and took him to Yunmeng, where he resumed his position as JFM’s personal attendant, and WWX was allowed to become a Jiang disciple. (There was no way he could raise WWX single-handedly without a more stable situation.) As a result of this change, WWX grew up with more discipline since WCZ was the docile one in his marriage with a strict sense of duty.
After JC dies, Zidian gets back to WWX, but he doesn’t have the heart to wear the ring; so, it hangs around his neck on a silk cord.
On that note, however, what if JC gave Zidian to JYL before he died? She can’t use it, but he doesn’t know that, and he hopes his gift will help keep her alive.
Gossip has misconstrued her possession of Zidian as her having stolen it as her brother died.
After the Siege of the Burial Mounds, the artifact still gets back to WWX, who somehow knows JYL didn’t steal it and begrudgingly understands why JC would leave it to her versus him.
Regardless, WWX clutches the ring whenever he feels he needs his late husband’s strength to get him through a tough time, sometimes talking to it as if it can act as a conduit to JC’s spirit.
Down the road, I see him giving up Zidian to Lianzhen and Sandu to Lianqi, hoping that his husband’s greatest weapons will watch over them.
Husband Dearest
A ChengXian ABO AU where WangXian was once a happy married couple until a freak accident gave LWJ amnesia, and unfortunate circumstances forced the couple to divorce.
.
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LWJ just couldn’t reconnect with WWX no matter how much either of them tried.
Now divorced, WWX meets a young businessman in a coffee shop by the name of JC.
JC has seen his fair share of tragedy in recent years. His parents died in a car accident two years ago, and only a few weeks ago, his sister and brother-in-law died in a condo fire, leaving him to care for their barely-a-month-old son.
They grouse about the shitty days they’re having and lament their seemingly bleak lives together, which sparks a friendship that blooms into a loving marriage.
Within thirteen years, they have three beautiful children, a diligent nephew, and all the happiness in the world.
On the flip side, thirteen years later, LWJ seems to regain some of his lost memories and seeks out WWX.
Hi, I’m here for the angsty, dramatic ChengXian and WangXian. 👋
(sorry, I send you accidentally this text in spanish, I forget translate it. Here is in english) LWJ is in love with WWX. But he doesn't know how to deal with those feelings, so choose ignore them. The years pass, and the news of the impending wedding between WWX and JC arrives at Gusu. LWJ has a broken heart. Soon, he meets WWX, they stop to talk a little and WWX confesses that he used to be in love with LWJ. (1/2)
Y’all dont know how much I live for shit like this do you?
You just know that Lan Wangji is going to spend the rest of his life regretting and wondering what could have been. He’ll remain Wei Wuxian’s friend and listen to any and all marital woes that he has, thinking to himself that he would treat Wei Wuxian better.
Jiang Cheng would hate him, hate him so damn much. Because he knows that Lan Wangji is his husbands first love and he’s always going to be terrified at the thought of Wei Wuxian leaving him for someone better.
Another Yiling Matriarch!JYL/ChengXian ABO AU
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The canonical events leading up to the Burning of Lotus Pier are the same except ChengXian (alpha!JC x omega!WWX) are a relatively established couple, and alpha!JYL is pushed to take more interest in cultivation b/c it's unbecoming of someone of her dynamic to not be of higher cultivation level.
JYL is present during the Burning of Lotus Pier versus being in Meishan at the time and is forced to escape alongside her brothers at the insistence of YZY.
WWX still sacrifices his golden core for JC b/c, like in canon, WWX (and now JYL) left him to gather supplies in an alleyway, but he noticed that Wen disciples were hot on one of their trails and became a diversion.
Again, like in canon, it's WWX who finds him in the remains of the Lotus Pier, and the Wen siblings still cover for them during their brief stay, but this time, WWX convinces JC to take his golden core rather than lying to him. This means WWX remains at JC's side even after his core's been taken out b/c it's not a secret, and JC's well aware that WQ's the one who performed the surgery.
Meanwhile, by the time JYL finds out her brothers have both disappeared, she's captured by WC and has her core melted by WZL before being tossed into the Burial Mounds.
She miraculously survives just as WWX had, but like him, she's warped mentally and becomes vengeful. The resentful energy has brought out her mother's traits in her, and they're not the best.
Post-core transplant, ChengXian search for their sister but come up short and are soon found by LXC, who takes them to the Cloud Recesses.
While JC's out on the battlefield during the Sunshot Campaign, WWX's doing what JYL had done in canon, tending to the needs of the soldiers recovering.
And then, of course, Yiling Matriarch!JYL swoops in and turns the tide of war so that it's in the allied sects' favor w/ her undead troops.
Only a few months into the war, ChengXian marry b/c their mortality has been shoved in their face this whole time, and they don't want to wait ‘til a battle takes JC away before they can officially be together. The result of this is a pregnant WWX, who gives birth to Jiang Lianqi (江莲祺) and Jiang Lianzhen (江莲祯), twin girls.
To make this a long story short, the Wen remnants still end up on the Burial Mounds under JYL's protection, and JYL retaliates against a major offense from the LLJ Sect by summoning corpses at a banquet that she didn't realize her family was attending, resulting in the twin girls' deaths and a severely-injured WWX, who contracts corpse poisoning that leaves him sickly even after it was purged from his body w/ great effort on JC's part.
The Siege of the Burial Mound occurs, and 13 years later, JYL returns in the body of MM.
.
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Afterthoughts:
Instead of WQ, it's WN who comes to Yunmeng and asks WWX for help, but WWX can't do anything by himself to that degree, and so he pleads with his husband to help the Wen siblings. Unfortunately, JC gets too caught up in the political side of things, and it's JYL who actually gets the Wen remnants out of their situation. She wasn't helped by them personally, but after hearing about how they helped her brothers, she can't not be grateful.
WQ becomes JYL’s Ghost General.
A-Yuan ends up in the care of ChengXian after the siege, and while at first WWX thought JC was trying to replace their dead daughters, he grew to love AY as his own son. Unfortunately, the cultivation world likes to remind AY that he's not his parents' child but a no-name orphan they took in.
At the end of this AU, WWX reveals he's become pregnant again, and JC's scared he'll lose WWX in the process. (The first pregnancy left him extremely weak, and he wasn't as sickly then.) However, WWX just squeezes his hand and gives him a meaningful look.
Nobody knows about the core transplant beyond the Wen siblings and ChengXian themselves.
If anyone asks about WWX’s lack of spiritual energy, they’ll say WWX lost his core to WZL in the Burning of Lotus Pier.
JC swears that he’ll protect WWX w/ the core he’s been given.
WWX often mercy killed JC's prisoners that he captured, interrogated, and tortured for being (alleged) demonic cultivators and potential vessels for JYL's return.
He’d give them a pill of poison that would lead to a slow but painless death, and more often than not, JC would assume they died from their injuries.
JZX is...somewhere in this AU. He’s probably banished from his sect after he tried to protect JYL and becomes a well-known rogue cultivator, awaiting the return of the Yiling Matriarch.
And of course I’m over here thinking, But what if this were an ABO AU?
Can somebody write an AU where WWX is JC's ex husband and then JC finds out about the golden-core truth when WWX has just married LWJ, please? (evil smirks)
“Is it really so bad,” Wei Wuxian started. The sadness in his eyes was ages old as he looked at the man he once called husband. “That I wanted to save you? That I wanted to stand by your side for a little while longer?”
“But you didn’t!” Jiang Cheng roars. “You didn’t stay! You left me! First for those Wen-dogs and then again for-” he cuts himself off, not wanting to say it.
Lan Wangji. The man Wei Wuxian has recently eloped with. The last little bit of himself that Jiang Cheng and only Jiang Cheng had held, given away without hesitation.
Hey,
Send me a pairing in the tags and I will tell you some personal headcanons about it!
You can also send me a specific au and I may even write a small fic about it ^^
headcanon that jiang cheng actually had a societally-normal level of homophobia for most of his life....until, a few months after wei wuxian's death, jiang cheng found the chengxian porn the rest of the jianghu was writing. upon which his homophobia levels immediately skyrocketed to final boss levels.
stealing a kiss <3
ChengXianweek2020 -Día 3: Secreto-
Language: Spanish
Words: 893
Title: ‘Misterioso visitante’
I keep thinking if WWX had come back and JC had managed to have a kid or two, WWX would be feral about them. He’d be torn between complete adoration because they’re baby JC’s! Look their doing the little pout he did when he was a kid and WWX bullied him! And complete and utter rage at their existence. How dare someone make babies with JC without his approval, what if they’d muddied up his cuteness with their unworthy genes. No one should have even touched JC without WWX’s supervision. I think it’s extra fun when they’re WQ’s kids as well, if only for the killer frowns their kids would have and the confused disgust WWX would feel.
XD glorious!
But on a serious note, I think that he'd be overjoyed to know that JC found himself a wife and has a family that makes him happy. It would sting a bit that the same was denied to him, but WWX would be happy for his shidi and adore his kids.
...unless (and here on a less serious note) it's an omegaverse and JC is the omega in question and that's when WWX will go feral about some strange rude unworthy alpha having their way with his shidi???!! JC was such a finnicky and particular omega, there's no alpha in the world suitable to deal with his quirks and to protect him properly! There was one alpha to do that's but he died, but now he's back and even if Wei Wuxian wasn't in love-love with his shidi, he was prepared to be his alpha (platonically, of course, and for the purest of intentions of course;) and now...
Someone took his place.
They have to go.
how insane do you think wwx would go when he's traveling all around the cultivation trying not to think of lotus pier, only to hear that somehow sect leader jiang got knocked up??? (with, unbeknownst to wwx, his own golden core baby!!)
"!!! HOW? SHIDI EXPLAIN??"
"What the fuck, why didn't I think of that?" Think of what, Wei Wuxian?? Which part? COME BACK AND ANSWER ME.
"Jiang Cheng can't raise a child by himself." Jin Ling is right there. You've met him. He's clearly fine?
"Hahaha, someone knocked up Jiang Cheng."
[YLLZ boot-up noises.]
AllAlone!WWX would most definitely breach containment after original WWX and JC leave. Because why would he stay in his own empty/lonely world if he doesn't have to? There must be plenty of JCs out there, surly one is in need of a shixiong? Who knows, maybe he could even gain a whole collection of them too.
An adult JC because he always wanted to see JC grow into his gorgeous self, a teenage JC, one that he himself saved even, to fix his past sins, a child JC because he's simply too cute to leave out, same goes for the catboy version he found, and he especially had to save his shidi, this time shimei, from being married off to Wen Chao of all people. With so many JCs he would never be alone again! . . . Oh god he would start a sort of Shidi war now wouldn't he?
Oh, he'd absolutely get ideas after meeting Another Himself from a different dimension where Jiang Cheng survived. He'd 100% interrogate the Canon!WWX and learn that there are other worlds where JC lived.
And it would stay with him and torture him for days, weeks, months... And he'd tell himself that he won't do it, that he can't, that Jiang Cheng that's happy where he is should be left there, that he couldn't hurt them...
But, if there was Jiang Cheng that wasn't happy where he was? If there was Jiang Cheng that was left without Wei Wuxian? Alone in a ravaged, sect, without his golden core without support, unprotected from the greed of other sects... His shidi that was always trying to hard, that was ready to give from himself until nothing was left for the safety of his loved ones... How could Wei Wuxian leave him to such terrible existence?
And so it starts, the mission of finding a shidi for himself. And the longer it goes, Wei Wuxian isn't even lying to himself anymore - he's doing this for himself. He cannot be in a world where his Jiang Cheng isn't. He cannot live with himself and his guilt anymore. He won't.
Hehe, I am thinking that JC got tangled in some shenanigans that keep following Wei Wuxian, and in effect got sent to some other dimension where everything is the same but isn't.
And now WWX has to go and retrieve him - and for that ends up going through quite a few realities in a "Where isy my shidi?" adventure that places him face to face with a variety of Jiang Chengs and his own feelings of shame, guilt, love and anger towards his shidi.
He sees a Jiang Cheng who have lost their core and a one that didn't, ones that reclaimed his sect and one that was enslaved by Wen Zhuliu as some sick standin for his mom. One that saved Yanli and sacrificed his sect and one that never forgave Wei Wuxian (ohz so that's how his actual hate feels) and one that got over WWX's death and forgot (and that's how indifference feels, Wei Wuxian hates it!). There is a reality where JC didn't get a replacement core and Wei Wuxian was the Jiang Sect Leader who kept him under lock and key (and that Jiang Cheng was miserable, but didn't want to run away, as long as his Wei Wuxian loved him still...).
There is one where Jiang Cheng is married to Lan Xichen and they have kids??? (Wei Wuxian hates it! Hates it! Hates it!!! ....just can't explain why... His shidi would never...right? And what does it mean Jiang Cheng gave birth to the kids?? Oh gods, he never wants to have Lan Xichen sit him down for a sex talk ever again>_<!!! The alpha/omega sex sure is something!) That world unsettled him the most. How is it that Jiang Cheng is happily married here? How is it that Lan Xichen chose him to marry??? Doesn't he mind the awful personality and constant anger? His shidi is very pretty and great, and strong, but he is just like his mom and... Lan Xichen almost slaps him in the head in that universe. Which is scary, because Lan Xichen never gets angry to Wei Wuxian's memory. And on account of a joke? Wei Wuxian doesn't get it.
"If you stopped looking at him and trying to see his mother instead of the boy you grew up with." The big alpha tells him. "Then you'd understand."
And uh, yeah, that one kinda....stung a bit. Maybe that reality wasn't that bad - for Jiang chengttonhave someone who cared for him and understood him. For his shidi to have family again, one that loved him as he should be loved even if it didn't include Wei Wuxian. Even if his shidi had to birth babies and take that monstrous Lan pillar...(he hated it, hated it, heated it!!!)
It's still better, however, than the one reality Wei Wuxian stepped into that just... Didn't have Jiang Cheng of its own. One where he died at the hands of Wen Chao, where the Sunshot Campaign never even got off the ground, because their Wei Wuxian burned the Wen to the ground and salted the ashes. There's no Lan Sizhui there, no Wen Ning. Wen Quing died under his hands like all the others. There's no Yunmeng Jiang. Just Wei Wuxian full of rage and the world that lives in fear of him. What a miserable existence.
He left that world as fast as he could, sick to his stomach.
On the quest to reclaim his precious shidi.
drawing Them in this particular scene was actually devastating to my emotional well-being :D
Please tell me there's at least one fic where Wei Wuxian's return means that Jiang Cheng's golden core starts to glitch and cause problems (wants to return to its original owner) and the only way to deal with it is dual cultivation-___-
Please.
having a lot of thoughts this evening about the classic yunmeng reconciliation trope of “magic plot device forces the jiang cheng sacrifice reveal” running head first into “wei wuxian is canonically The Worst™ at boundaries” and in cql canon literally sticks a mind control talisman on lwj for a prank and it’s never mentioned again
so like. picture this. Jiang Cheng has a secret. no, not that secret, some other secret. something smaller and almost as sad and maybe even a little tawdry??? Jiang Cheng has fucked, is what I’m saying. and there’s some monster who eats virgins and Wei Wuxian is GLEEFUL at the opportunity to SWOOP IN AND SAVE HIS SHIDI, of course he and hanguang-jun will take care of it chengcheng, only for extremely grumpy jiang cheng to red-facedly inform his brother that he is NOT a virgin and he can lead his own night hunts THANK YOU
and the top of wei wuxian’s head comes off
Jiang Cheng. JIANG CHENG. His tiny baby awkward blushing foot-in-mouth shidi. JIANG CHENG. Jiang Cheng who was blacklisted by the matchmakers. Jiang Cheng who was supposed to be SAVING HIMSELF FOR MARRIAGE LIKE A PROPER YOUNG SECT HEIR. jiang cheng has fucked.
Wei Wuxian has to know. he HAS to know. he is insane. he is bothering jiang cheng CONSTANTLY. he will not shut up. he will never shut up. Jiang Cheng will not know peace until he reveals to Wei Wuxian who dared to sully his precious baby brother with their slutty hands!!!!
but of course it’s like…sad. a few doomed wartime trysts with Nie Mingjue, or a single slow aching fumbling goodbye with Wen Qing who decided she didn’t want to die a virgin, or a few companionable years falling exhausted into bed with Jin Guangyao and/or Qin Su once the boys were FINALLY asleep…or for maximum gut punch, maybe it’s the old standby where Jiang Cheng was raped after his capture.
the point is, this isn’t a fun funny sexy story for Jiang Cheng, this isn’t an exploit to crow over or an embarrassing but ultimately warm encounter. this is an old, quiet, painful, pointless memory of something tragic that Jiang Cheng still feels miserable about, and also thinks he’s pathetic for feeling miserable, and also it’s fucking private. so no matter how much WWX whines and wheedles and threatens and cajoles and begs, he won’t tell. he gets angry and snappish at first, and then instead of cracking, he just starts retreating into himself and not responding to WWX any more, which is, obviously, UNacceptable!!!
the minute the evil not-unicorn is dead wwx invents a truth talisman in a 76-hour frenzy, slams it on jiang cheng’s back, and gets more than he bargained for
'replacing jc in someone's affection' I am crying! wwx doesn't do it once but twice! It's fascinating! Also, this makes me understand why some people, reading the novel, come to the conclusion that wwx doesn't care anymore about jc. Yeah, it's a valid interpretation!
Listen, I just rotated, and rotated, and rotated this scenario (—because, like, both child and adult Wei Wuxian are sincerely in need of support and affection, but I think receiving it as a child while it was withheld from someone he loved, what might have seemed like taking it away from someone who also needed it, also contributed to his boundary problems and self-sacrificial tendencies and eventual resentment—like he needs it but it hurts someone he loves deeply when he gets it but he still needs it, how can he reconcile these conflicting truths?? OK I will stop now—) and, uh, have a tiny little sketch of that zhanchengxian fic concept below, with which I will exorcise my sad past chengxian/past zhancheng/current wangxian thoughts.
It was going to be a perfect triple triple drabble but I needed 80 more words in the centre section to describe Jiang Cheng's tears. You know how it is.
Pursued by Lesser Ghosts
At first he was busy and grateful for it.
Then, Jin Ling settled, elders cowed, sect in order, Jiang Cheng was forced to returned to Lotus Pier. Empty, now.
His sect ran as it always did. He slept poorly. He dreamed often. He walked up and down the pier at night, pursued by lesser ghosts, echoes of people who were alive, just gone. His own life closed around him as tight as any noose, one long merciless sequence of work, sleep, work.
He had a minor qi deviation.
“Go back to dual cultivation,” said the doctor.
“That’s no longer possible,” he said.
The doctor looked up. When Jiang Cheng didn’t say anything else, she said, “Well. Come here for acupuncture once a week. Consider visiting Jin Ling.”
Relax, she didn’t bother to say.
Jiang Ping, his one surviving cousin, took tea with him, and said: “I know things have been stressful. Perhaps you would consider marriage now?”
“I didn’t think marriage was relaxing,” said Jiang Cheng, drily.
“It can be. After everything, well… it’s nice to have someone there.” Jiang Ping looked up, thinking. “Having someone there and working a lot. I don’t think it’s possible for Sect Leader to work harder, so you’ll have to try the other thing.”
Jiang Cheng let out a snort despite himself. Jiang Ping grinned at him.
He could get married, he supposed. What was there to prevent him?
He didn’t call for a matchmaker. He worked harder, kept himself so busy he could hardly think, but at night, laying in his bed, he ached with loneliness before sleep. And in sleep, he saw them, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian both, invariably walking away from him, hand in hand.
Sometimes he was silent; sometimes he called to them. It didn’t matter. They never turned around.
-
In Wei Wuxian’s dream, it was high summer, air as thick as syrup, and he was lying under the trees along the riverbank with his head in Jiang Cheng’s lap.
Above him, Jiang Cheng was eating tanghulu. Playfully, Wei Wuxian opened his mouth like a baby bird, and Jiang Cheng, rolling his eyes, took a piece of fruit and fed it to him, red and almost glowing. His index finger brushed against Wei Wuxian’s mouth.
Sometimes, he dreamed and he didn’t know whether it was just a dream or a fragment of a memory. He thought this might have happened—he faintly remembered begging Jiang Cheng to let him rest his head in his lap, across his narrow, muscled thighs.
Suddenly it was night, and Jiang Cheng was gone.
“Jiang Cheng?” called Wei Wuxian, and found his voice was a child’s voice, high-pitched and nervous. “Jiang Cheng?”
He rushed through Lotus Pier, now dark and empty, towards Jiang Cheng’s room. Then, in the way of dreams, Jiang Cheng was in front of him, a child again, too, face swollen with tears as he wept alone on the pier.
Wei Wuxian froze, panicked.
Someone picked him up; Uncle Jiang had appeared. But instead of saying anything, he turned and walked away. “Uncle Jiang,” Wei Wuxian whispered, but Jiang Fengmian didn’t respond.
All Wei Wuxian could do was look over Uncle Jiang’s shoulder at Jiang Cheng, at his crumpled, sobbing face. You don’t understand, he thought, suddenly, I love you but I need this, I need it, I need it.
That face changed again, blurred into Jiang Cheng's adult face, still weeping as he knelt on the pier. And then the strong arms around him weren’t Uncle Jiang’s but Lan Zhan’s, holding him tight in a bridal carry, taking him away as he squirmed to look back, to not look away from Jiang Cheng’s face, they had been so happy only a moment ago—
Wei Wuxian woke late, his face wet. Went to look for a handkerchief. Opened a drawer he hadn’t looked in before to find: two purple hair ribbons. An open jar of salve, carved with the insignia of a well-known Yunmeng herbalist. And a lavender handkerchief, embroidered with a little frog. Wei Wuxian traced it gently with his thumb.
-
The day was a little crisp, but bright and beautiful. Lan Wangji had risen at the appointed time, eaten breakfast serenely with the sect, and taught some advanced guqin lessons. Lan Sizhui was coming along beautifully, playing more delicate and precise every day, a delight to teach.
Everything was just as it should be in the Cloud Recesses, but Lan Wangji was still somehow uneasy.
He had gained everything he had dreamed of as a teenager, in one bewildering fell swoop. His life had been overturned, but for the better, the man he had wanted for so long delivered to him on a silver platter. He was unbelievably lucky.
Of course, he grieved what had happened to his brother. Lan Xichen deserved only good things. It was bitter to find out someone you had loved so deeply had deceived you—had failed you—had abandoned you.
But with the exception of that dark spot, the suffering and absence of his brother, his life was everything he had ever asked for, wasn’t it? A pristine life, on the surface.
If there was a dark shadow underneath, the ripple of something passing through a lake on a sunny day—something slipping out of an incautious hand, lost to the water—that too was life, wasn’t it?
He had never been so happy in his life. He had never before been so happy in his life, as he had once imagined it.
He averted his eyes from that shadow.
Until, one day, he returned home, and found Wei Ying, sitting at the room’s low table, holding a handkerchief in one hand. Remnants of a different life that had collected in his home. No—that he had kept. Gripped tightly.
“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said, brightly, face stretched in a brittle smile. “What’s this?”