Escaping Reality - Tumblr Posts

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This chapter tackles subjects that can be sensitive to some readers, please do not interact if you are uncomfortable.

⚠️ Warning : depiction of depressive behavior and obsessive thoughts.

Read at your own risk. - Beaucoup d’amour, Poppy.

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❀ Pansy n°5 = Reality ? No, thanks…

When life feels too bland, one’s mind can do wonders to escape it.

It may seem unreal or fake to some people, but for some minds the easiest way to cope with a negative or stressful emotional state is to dive into one’s subconscious and imagination. The reason why is pretty simple. You are free to control everything and everyone in your own head. You are able to picture and make up every landscape, every environment with anyone you would want to be with.

You are free to give yourself a dream life while escaping the difficult truth of reality.

This “ability” can be considered a skill available to anyone willing to expand and develop their imagination. Personally, I have always considered myself to be quite creative and full of imagination, so being able to increase my capability of imagining things has been awfully thrilling through the years. My mind has always been triggered by music. Easily imagining or making up epic battles on action like songs, dance routines on classical music or simply fake scenarios on chill lofi beats. 

I have so many different fake lives, it’s concerning… :/

But it is such a cathartic experience to insert yourself in your favorite universes, with your favorite characters. What’s even better is when you are so into your mind that you can feel things. With time, it happens to me more and more.

Sometimes the smell of freshly baked bread, but mostly the feeling of a warm embrace or lips softly brushing against one another…

That might be why I often have lucid dreams or why I believe in shifting. But those are pansies for another time.

Nevertheless, this dream-like ability can become dangerous to a certain extent. In fact, when the fake scenarios become an obsession, when day-dreaming becomes a daily occurrence, all in all, when all of it becomes too important… Then it becomes a problem. Then it is unhealthy.

Why does this amazing experience have to be so toxic ?

It is a way to cope, to feel good, to relieve stress - for once without the use of anything illegal 👀- but sadly it also disinterests you from reality. Some people can end up resenting even more their real life.

Come to think of it, that’s how addictions work, no ?

I am no one to tell you what to do if you relate to what I’m writing, neither am I judging anyone. Too often do I feel detached from reality because of my will to live in fantasies. It is something I want to work on - most of my pansies are about myself, my thoughts and based on my will to evolve.

So once again, I am no one to judge.

I am someone so obsessed with daydreaming that, when I am feeling down, it literally plagues my days. I only think about when I’ll have alone time to listen to music and continue the scenario where I left off. Or when I’ll be able to read self-insert fanfictions to drown even more in this shameful obsession of the unreal.

All of it fueled by the fear of reality and the tiredness of living.

Too often do I think I would like to eternally dream.

And that’s because I am conscious it has become this unhealthy obsession that I want to work on. I know that on the one hand, I like to make up scenarios because I would like to experience other environments/universes with other people. But on the other hand, I realized it is also because I can be whoever I want to be.

So lately - being in a good mindset - I am on a quest to better myself, to let myself discover who I am, who I want to be and most importantly to let myself take time to heal.

I know this won't be easy, that I won’t drastically stop to escape reality. But now I also know that to make this creative ability healthy, I have to try and find or even make a dream out of reality.

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🔺Original work please do not steal or copy, Thanks.🔺

❀ Pansy n°6 = Oneiric inspiration.

oneiric |ə(ʊ)ˈnʌɪrɪk| adjective - formal → relating to dreams or dreaming. ORIGIN = mid 19th century: from Greek oneiros ‘dream’ + -ic.

I love this word. In my opinion it is a formal but beautiful way to put into words the subconscious universe that is a dream.

I love dreaming.

As I wrote in a former entry, getting too far in my head and imagination is something I do a lot, enjoy and try to make healthy. My fascination for the oneiric world started at a young age with my ability to remember my dreams. I remembered them so well that more often than not I was able to continue them on multiple nights. It was also really cool to be able to count them back to people - it created many laughs, thanks to the weird dream logic. 

Then I started working (it was not really a difficult or boring task, still it took time) on being able to remember more by forcing myself to think about what I saw straight when I woke up. Sometimes - when I was not too lazy - I wrote them down to get all the details. It is by working on those details that I started creating universes, worlds and stories of my own. I ended up with multiple characters, their backgrounds; future, relationships and development in a made up world. That is how started my first ever draft for my fantasy story. Based on dreams and worked on in my dreams. I could not stop thinking about it. In fact, that’s what happens when I get really inspired for a story, I just can’t stop picturing things in my mind, trying to make sense of it and developing my ideas. I get so focused yet I struggle to write - writer’s block am I right ? :/

However, there was one time when I had difficulties expanding my dream into a story. Why ? you may ask. Well, dear reader, it was because I was inspired by a nightmare and at first thinking about it again made it difficult for me to fall asleep - obviously… I won’t go into much detail about this nightmare because I plan on making a thriller out of it, but what intrigued me the most was that it was one of those dreams…

A lucid dream.

In fact, I knew I was dreaming and could control some of the things happening around me. I LOVE those types of dreams - except when they’re nightmares, and of course it happens to me quite a lot. Lucid dreaming was the next step to improve my “dream ability”. Those dreams are when you realize you are dreaming and can control what you can do (sometimes ^^).

Usually, to work on lucid dreaming, we are told to try and have the reflex of looking at your hands - because they’ll never be normal in your dreams. Or try and read something - yet again you’re not supposed to be able to see coherent words written. Even though I know these tricks - called “reality checks” - work, I personally just let them happen normally. 

Indeed, I have been blessed with the ability to lucid dream without much effort since I was a child - only realizing it was that as I grew up. So often do I have periods during which many lucid dreams come to plague my mind at night. It usually happens when I am in a semi-state of sleep, like half-awake. So it happens that sometimes I am too tired and the control slips out of my grasp. Still, I think it’s an amazing experience.

I guess my lucid dreams are triggered thanks to the fact that I tend to fall asleep making up scenarios and fully controlling my dreams - at that moment. And what gets me to recognize I am lucid dreaming is that I am almost always in first person p.o.v. Nevertheless, what I like the most about lucid dreams and inspires me the most - as I remember it more and it shocks me - are the sensations I get.

Yes, sensations.

Call me crazy if you want but I happen to feel so many things while dreaming - it’s mainly why I believe in shifting. Most of the time I can feel the warmth of things in my dreams, especially when I am close to someone or being embraced. Things definitely don’t feel real but they feel extremely similar. And I think it is extraordinary that you can feel in your head.

What’s even more unreal and that I particularly love, is the dream feeling of being kissed. It is just ethereal… I am someone very fond of physical affection - like, that’s literally one of my love languages - and it is just so awesome and astounding to be able to feel these types of things in your head.Once, I remember, I had a dream in which I kissed someone’s cheek and it had a little stubble, and the feeling I thought I had on my lips was just so weird and felt so real !

So it’s when I started having more and more of those feelings filled lucid dreams that I realized how fascinating and powerful the human brain really is. We can truly trick ourselves, with our own imagination ! And it is why I believe shifting to be possible/real. I, personally, am not an active shifter. I have tried, succeeded a bit and tried again sometimes but I prefer not to force it. I also think that I have succeeded a few times without realizing, so I let it come naturally.

The shifting community can be quite biased and not of the best advice on certain platforms - *cough cough* tiktok… - but also because there are “conflicts” within the community. I don’t associate with it mostly because I don’t really keep myself informed about it, so I don’t want/can’t to appear as a specialist on the matter. But… I have my opinion on how shifting might work.

I think that you are just diving so deep in your subconscious that you can explore all of its power. I like this explanation better than projecting your mind into another dimension. Moreover, I think that both the opinions I gave - among many others - still work to explain reality shifting because in the end we explore other realities regardless.

Anyway !

Shifting is harder for me as I ask myself too many questions and don’t really like to plan my dreams with scripts. Don’t get me wrong, I loved writing scripts for universes I knew I wanted to shift to, but I am always so scared of forgetting something. Plus because of my dream obsession I am scared that if I succeed, I will never want to come back. Still, I know I am never going to stop being inspired by what my mind creates.

→ Quote I like = “Everything that is or was, began with a dream” - Lavagirl.

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🔺Original work please do not steal or copy, Thanks.🔺

❀ Pansy n°7 = My mind's safe space.

safe space - noun → a place or environment in which a person or category of people can feel confident that they will not be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other emotional or physical harm.

It’s quite easy to understand what a safe space is, but I would like to add to this definition that it can also be a person - since you’re with someone it could go into “environment” I guess. Personally, my safe spaces are my room and bed, my sisters, my family circle and my mom’s embrace. Those are things that can make me feel instantly better.

I know about these, how they affect me and especially how I struggle to live without them. Getting out of my comfort zone really isn’t my forte… :/ Though there is one place where I can always go when I need a break, a breath… It’s a safe space I created on my own to fit my fantasies and needs to help me calm down and stay serene.

I can literally go there whenever, as I carry it in my mind. Firstly, I created this mind safe space in PE in Highschool  when we were doing yoga with my favorite teacher. She helped us a lot to manage our stress and so we did a lot of meditation at the end of her classes. And for this time of peaceful concentration, she asked us to find a memory of a cherished place or even a made up one where we can feel good, calm down and fully relax.

Loving to be in imaginary headplaces, I thought of creating one - it eventually became my waiting room when I tried to shift. The place I’m about to describe truly became a safe space for me.

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This safe haven basically consists of an opening in the middle of trees. The grass has the perfect height and is a warm tone of green. In the middle of the clearing, there is a huge and beautiful lake - that I often struggle to visualize. I’d love for it to have some sort of littler waterfalls and big rocks all around as if it was more of a natural pool you might find in mountains. But my brain keeps it simple, often picturing it just as a simple body of water - but I’ll work on that :). As the soft wind blows in the trees and the grass, occasionally making the water ripple, you can find under the shade of a tree, an outdoor bed. Its wooden structure sits directly on the ground. Its soft and pristine white sheets are the perfect depiction of comfort. Its size makes it more than able to hold two people and allowing the best naps of the world - well, imaginary world.

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This is most of what I visualize when meditating, laying down in this bed to release and concentrate on myself. I also do it when I try to fall asleep, sometimes - if not most of the time - I listen to quiet and soothing music with slight rain sounds, it really calms my running mind. Yet this place is bigger than expected. In fact, I expanded it for my dream purposes.

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Behind the bed - which faces the lake - the clearing extends itself towards a small meadow made of hills. Not too far from the outdoor bed, sits a medium size cottage. I don’t really know how it looks because it’s mostly in the background but I know it’s beautiful and cozy - probably with a stone façade. I love this place dearly. Many times have I pictured myself dancing with comfort characters in the tall grass in the white outdoor bed safely tucked in someone’s strong embrace. I just can’t help but feel calm and secure there.

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I think I’d advise everyone to have a place like this, to be able to retreat somewhere when things get too much and you need to focus on yourself. As I said, it’s also good for meditation times, though it’s important to know to not picture yourself with someone at that moment as it’s a time to pay attention to yourself and it’s really important to have those times. Taking care of yourself is detrimental.

I’ll leave you to that dear reader, but not without asking you what is your mind’s safe space ! Don’t be shy to comment or DM me, I’m very curious :).

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🔺Original work please do not steal or copy, Thanks.🔺

𝓑𝓪𝓫𝔂 𝓗𝓸𝓽𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓮

- by 𝘗𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘺

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9 to 5 - 5 to 9

Repeat.

Work, eat, sleep

Repeat,

Work from 9 to 5

Stare at the ceiling from 5 to 9

Repeat.

Work more, push food down your throat and feel guilty as you sleep.

Well as you wait for your brain to finally shut down,

- would it fucking finally shut down ?

Fake it till you make it they say

So you make it as you fake it.

But is it really fake if it comes so naturally ?

Does it make your smile true if you do it without thinking ?

Are you happy ?

You surely don’t feel like it but people say you seem fine.

Are you though ?

You don’t know anymore.

What do you feel ?

What is happiness anyway ? Isn’t it feeling idly calm, not being bothered by anything…

You feel like that, unbothered, plain… Empty.

All the things plaguing your mind are just too much so it’s better to lock them away, they would ruin your happiness, this idleness.

You widely prefer feeling nothing than be overwhelmed.

Surely you aren’t overwhelmed if everything seem worthless.

If it’s worthless than it is not important and not worth any attention.

- like you

Change, you needed change.

That’s why you hair is different.

Longer, shorter, greener, blonder, bluer…

You needed to feel different,

To see another thing stand out in the mirror,

To see another person in the mirror.

Because you are sick of this plain face staring right back at you, trying to expose all of this ugly truth.

Change, you wanted change.

Because when things change, then time passes

and if time passes the past passes away

You want that.

Yes, you need that.

For the past to leave, for those events to be no more in your mind.

You forget.

But that look in the mirror — those bored eyes in the glass staring right back — they reveal your soul.

It reminds you.

Yes you remember where you are, who you are, what you feel.

The reflection in the mirror, is it your true self ?

Because you definitely don’t like what it shows.

How old even are you ?

You feel like your life has the rhythm of a broken record,

Your body the energy of a corpse,

Your mind the torment of a martyr,

But you just started living.

Why are you doing this ?

Why would you do that to yourself ?

Fucking breath, stop crying and smile a bit,

Come on it’s not that hard,

Stop fucking dwelling on things.

But that’s all you can think about at night when your ceiling seems to be your only friend.

When your bed has been calling your name from the moment you woke up but now seems to want you anywhere else.

When you find yourself once again in this position, an unrequited love for sleep.

You need him but it would not hear your calls.

So its arch nemesis takes its place .

Running.

Again and again.

Without stopping.

Fusing with thoughts, ideas, images, sounds, memories, emotions…

Everything distorted, keeping your attention and your eyes wide open.

Silence.

You need silence.

- will your brain fucking shut up !?

Stop.

It has to stop.

Your erratic breathing being a useless source of concentration.

Something.

You need something to make it stop.

*sigh*

You listen.

You concentrate on it.

A strangers’ voice, laugh, humming, singing, breathing, heart beating…

It’s as if the warmth missing beside you is filled by the noise coming in your ears.

Shushing the havoc in your mind.

A sweet and warm melody lulling you into a slumber.

But your eyes are forced open by the ringing of the alarm.

How could you ? Flee reality ?

Stop fucking hoping.

- You hate hoping

Why should you get up ?

You really don’t want to.

Why does the simple thought of stepping foot out of the cover makes your eyes water ?

People wouldn’t mind anyway.

You wouldn’t mind either way.

You are still tired, you should go back to sleep then, right ?

Nothing is holding you back.

Except for the impossibly high expectations you set for yourself, the idea that every lasting moment might be decisive for your future, that you might miss something, the idea that every eye is on you and people constantly eavesdrop on your life criticizing every single one of your movement and choice…

You have to get up then.

You force yourself to.

It feels like it often, like you have to force yourself to live.

So you are tired.

You are tired as you get dressed,

You are tired as you brush your teeth,

You are tired as you wash your face

- that fucking ugly face looking at you in the mirror

You are tired as you skip breakfast,

You are tired as you tie your shoes, as you put on your coat,

You are tired as you step out of the door.

Just an empty bag on your shoulder as you drown your mind in the sound coming out of your headphones.

You weave through a faceless crowd, walking without watching because everything is a routine by now.

You are tired as you walk.

Your eyes staring into nothingness, a blank stare plastered on your face.

You must fix this before arriving, before seeing people you know, before disappointing people by letting them in on the ugly truth.

It’s only when you see that your shoelace has come undone that you realise where you are.

Your gaze is now fixated on the landscape.

Cars passing by, joggers running on the side, teenagers walking to school.

People seem so little from up here.

You feel so little here, in this world.

The air is cold, biting at your skin and making your eyes water as you can’t seem to will them closed.

Your mind is blank, your heart feels calm.

It is as if the numbness at the tips of your fingers took hold of your entire body and soul.

You stare at the sky, your mind reeling with dreams of flying — yes — of feeling free.

Maybe you should call.

It would be a good idea to call.

But if you do, wouldn’t it mean you’ve passed a point of no return ?

You don’t want to realise that, no you prefer denial, you prefer nothingness, emptiness, numbness.

But your fingers have typed the numbers and it is dialing.

The ringing filling your ears.

You have always wondered how it felt to fly.

How the wind flowing through your clothes, against your skin would make you feel free.

Yet you’ve always been the type to bury yourself in a hole hoping to see one day the blue of the sky.

And as the line seems to get cold.

- you feel numb, you’ve been burning with haste

- And you realise it now what a terrible waste

You dream that you would be an angel, with beautiful wings, able to touch the clouds.

But in the end, you know you were never meant to soar high in the sky.

As Icarus you brunt your wings down and everything came crashing down…

Finally, your mind stops reeling as another phone is ringing.

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Inspired by @jackstauber ’s song “Baby Hotline”

+ ringing sounds from the song as well

Credit to @adhimuff_ and @avogado6_jp for the piece of arts I used to illustrate my words.

+ montage on CapCut.

Be aware that this piece tackles dark subjects surrounding mental health.

If you find yourself in a position as such, you should seek help (even though it is easier said than done I know) but talk to a parent or close person. Aside from that you can always reach out to a su*c*de hotline. It is very important to get help, hope is not lost. ❤️

Moreover I am conscious my prononciation isn’t perfect in this audio so I apologize for that, I’ll do better in the future 🫶🏻

- Beaucoup d’amour, Poppy ❤️

🔺Original work, please do not steal or copy. Thanks. 🔺

Just sat down, opened my laptop, put on some lovely fantasy music in the background, got ready to write down something - anything - for my fantasy novel project as I've been feeling motivated and inspired to pick it back up lately... YET I CAN'T WRITE A THING.

UGH I hate writer's block... I hate my overthinking mind which tells me I haven't prepared enough to be able to write or wanting to ONLY start by the begining and not just make some sort of advancement...

I'll just close my laptop again and go back to daydreaming about my story - cause that's the only thing I'm able to do with it apparently lmao