Tw Depressive - Tumblr Posts
i dont know why i thought it would be a good idea for me , a person with deppresion and no motivation for things i love, along with rejection sensittive dysphoria, to start a tumblr blog
Anyone else get so depressed that their legs just stop working??
quem fala que aparência não importa nunca deve ter tido a experiência de ser bonita ou de ver como se portam com pessoas bonitas. a diferença que me tratam quando eu estou arrumada e magra pra quando eu estou desarrumada é gritante! até o "bom dia" tem um tom diferente.
But nobody likes a mentality ill girl
Why do I always have to fall for the sewercidal ones
I don’t care anymore. Just let me go.
This is all meaningless and pointless. I’m fighting a losing battle, I’m trying to survive something I never had a chance to begin with.
This place only brings me sadness and paint, just let me leave.
i feel like i’m collecting diagnosis like pokémon cards
Not now please I'm busy rotting in bed
Not now please I'm busy rotting in bed
Not now please I'm busy rotting in bed
My mum finding my cuts on my arm: oh no....you can't hide it whole summer.... people will see...why can't you stop ?
My mum finding cuts on my thighs: oh no...people will see....you can't hide it whole summer....people will see ...why can't you stop ? If you really have to do something like that them go running or yell at me....
Me thinking: I hate running and I don't yell at people...even at those I hate....
Also me thinking: what about my mental health ? Guess it's not important
⚠️Tw suicide/selfharm mention/vent⚠️
I am thinking about suicide again
I wanna die because.....
Why I wanna die ?
Maybe just because....
Maybe because I am useless
Maybe because I am not worthy
Maybe because I am not enough
Because I am nothing
Because I don't deserve to live....
I don't deserve to be loved, to love, to exist....
I am nothing and no one ever would love someone like me so why live if anyways I end up dead...
Why live if anyways I be annoying, useless, not worthy, not enough....
No one cares if I am alive or dead ....
No one cares if my arms are covered in cuts and scars....
As long as I have good grades
As long as people see me as a kind, good and clever person ....
No one cares and no one will .....
If so then why live ?
Why suffer so much when you can die
Why be alive and be called a problem
I don't want to live
I don't want to be alive
I want to die
To disappear and never come back
Today I took Thiocodin and I feel really really fine, I don't want them to stop working because I know I'll feel like shit again
I low-key wanna attempt suicide just so i can get admitted to a hospital and people can actually know that im not okay and care for me a bit, im just tired of pretending to be okay all the time.
Haha, pain
Insults dont hurt
No one has insulted me in a long time… other than myself
Hmmmmm maybe I need help hmmmmmmm
Flashback to 2020 (tw depressive rant)
So, I’m pretty tired with myself today…
I’m so fucking lonely here you know?
No one around to talk to, everyone doing their own things?
It’s stupid…
Why can’t I love someone like how I love myself?
Am I that fucking insane to do something like that?
I guess I am…
I’m so fucking lonely…
I don’t hang out with many people anymore because of COVID….
I miss my old friends so much that I forget I even exist…
I think about people all the time that I become a completely different person.
It’s stupid.
It’s dumb.
It’s crazy what you do for love.
I know you will all be reading this and think, “What the fuck is this shit?”
I don’t know what I am either…
I’m just the chaos and the calm…
The sun and the moon…
Forward and backwards….
I’m everything people want to be and don’t want to be…
I’m the person that could help you or hurt you….
I am the person that talks to everyone or stays in the shadows…
I am myself…
I am not myself…
I am something I’m not…
Something not human…
Something not myself…
What even am I?
Why am I here?
Why do I even exist?
I don’t need to exist… at all!
Fuck me! I don’t give a shit!
Leave me alone for once!!!
I hate myself so fucking much!!!
I’m worthless!
I’m nothing.
I’m nothing without her.
I’m nothing without him.
I’m nothing without them.
I’m nothing.
I am nothing to no one…
And now I'm done with this...
This mask of a smile I've worn for so long...
It's gone...
The mask of happiness for my friends and families to see...
For the happiness I've falsely felt for an enternity...
Slam my fist in the wall.
Throw some shit and give me a call.
I'll scream at you for however long I feel like.
How are you doing?
How are you doing?
Are you bleeding like me?
Are you hiding behind a mask like me?
A mask like mine?
Are you here?
Are you surrounded by your own peers?
Are you looked down on or looked up to?
Are you still trying to be the version of yourself everyone thought you were a year ago?
Are you still faking those smiles?
Are you burning the horrible memories, that made no one trust you anymore?
Are you lying to people that don't deserve it?
Can you stop, cause I am far too gone?!
I need to stop and listen.
I need to do this, evenly.
I am a giant wave crashing into the shore line.
I am myself.
I am not.
I am the calm and the chaos.
I need help, but no one ever listens because, they have their own issues.
They have no time for you, it's true.
Leave them behind and don't go running back to them or they will hurt you more....
Or maybe not...
Maybe they're something more.
Like a soulmate or friend....
Maybe I should reach out to them for help...
Can I reach out for help?
Myself in 2020, not in the right headspace.
Every day, im becoming more like myself again ❤️
🌸🌸🌸
my mental health has never been worse.
what if i just end it all? it would be easier than this.
so, it turns out moving away as an escape doesnt do shit when the thing youre trying to escape from is yourself.
i was getting better.
i was getting better.
i was wrong.
i was wrong.
i was wrong.