Ffxiv Azem - Tumblr Posts
more ffxiv incorrect quotes *endwalker spoilers, kinda*
Like, none of this will make sense if you haven’t play ew, or at least shb I cannot be stopped (ancients trio edition)
Emet-Selch: You know what I learned from my friendship with Azem? Alisaie: There’s no such thing as too mean? Thancred: Never let your friends know for sure if you like them? WoL, who was Azem: Always hold a grudge?
Azem: I like to think of myself as a semi responsible adult here. Emet-Selch: Hythlodaeus is 70% of your impulse control and you know this Azem. Hythlodaeus: I feel like Azem is the more responsible one of us two though. Azem: We are both 70% of each others' impulse control. Hythlodaeus: Just two lil beasts in pinwheel hats spinning on the merry-go-round at dangerous velocities, holding each other’s hands so the other doesn’t fall off.
Azem: Go big or go home! Emet-Selch: Please, for once in your life just go home. I'm begging you. Go. Home. Azem: I'm going big!
*Emet-Selch and Azem looking at a locked gate into a park* Emet-Selch: Aw. :( Azem: You know what they say. Emet-Selch: Please don’t- Azem: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate* Emet-Selch: Fuck-
Hythlodaeus: I'll offer you some friendly advice- Emet-Selch: I don't want your advice. Hythlodaeus: Well, then consider it unfriendly advice.
Azem: *pulls back the curtain while Emet-Selch is showering* Azem: Hey did we - stop screaming it’s me - did we run out of Cheerios?
Hythlodaeus: Bet you can’t eat 15 crayons! Azem: Bet you I can! Emet-Selch: *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*
Emet-Selch: *dangles hand off bed* Azem, under the bed: *grabs hand* Emet-Selch: This is nice :) Emet-Selch: Wait, why the fuck are you under my bed-
choose your fighter: sleepover edition
new old man content on Tuesday and I am mentally bracing for potential ship and HC destroying impact playing "Nearer My God to Thee" like I'm a member of the string quartet on the fuckin Titanic but we ball
anyway
this is Laha-sealing away half my damn soul is therapy-brea and Aphroditos, my main WoL's Azem. and they are very cute and I love them I love them I love th-
In the Aftermath of the Sundering
Read below the cut for some fresh baked breadman angst
Returning to consciousness felt like a feat of incredible endurance and strength. Even shielded from the blinding radiance as we were in the rift between worlds, the impact rocked our one safe haven and stole a moment of awareness from us.
I was the first to awaken. Emet-Selch was the next. We exchanged a nod, then turned our wary glances towards Elidibus. He laid on what passed for ground here, restless. Not unconscious, but certainly not aware of his surroundings either.
By turns, his shuddering and moaning eased. He looked to us, barefaced with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I failed you. I failed us all!"
In his tears of regret and frustration, I could not help but see an echo of my son in his youth. Part of me longed to comfort him, but practical needs superceded emotional ones.
"What befell? Emet-Selch, pull us from this rift, we need to know what happened when that light struck Etheirys."
He nodded, eyes haunted as he snapped his fingers.
I blinked for a moment as my surroundings came back into view. The Macarenses Angle, all but destroyed now. Trees withered to naught, buildings that stood for millennia reduced to rubble. And if I squinted across the square, I could see... Something moving. A sign of life where I *knew* Aphroditos stood before the end.
I ran for where I thought he would await me, only to stop short. Something was *wrong*. It was him, unmistakably, but there was barely more than a scantling of his aether remaining. He didn't respond when I called out to him. Didn't even look my way.
And when I beheld him in full, my heart shattered.
He had torn his hair down from its braids and almost ripped his robes and podea from his body. His brow furrowed, grunts and moans that might almost have passed for an infant's speech passing his lips as he poked and prodded the dust before him, etching shaky lines into the ground. Star-cut sapphire eyes now looked almost drowned by the black of his pupils.
Animalistic in nature. A measure of sentience, mayhap, but barely a glint of sapience. And not so much as a *glimmer* of the keen light of intelligence that once shone there.
snippet from “Ascendance of the Morning Star”
Lahabrea arched a brow in surprise. “Many would leap for the opportunity to join the Traveler on one of her many sojourns outside of the capital. What makes you hesitate?”
“I-“ Aphroditos caught himself mid-sentence with a laugh. “This is going to sound ridiculous, but- I don’t want to make a fool of myself. All my life, I’ve been lauded for my skill as a magos, an academic, a phantomologist. The very course of my existence upon this star has been set by following those things in which I was naturally skilled. I fear that without relying upon those innate talents and my years of study, I have no other skills I can call my own.”
Lahabrea’s other brow joined its sibling in shock. “I don’t recall you being this self-conscious when you were my student. In fact, if memory serves, you were almost inappropriately brash and reckless with regard to your experimentation and studies.”
Chagrined by the words of his former instructor, Aphroditos rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish blush painting his cheeks. “Y-yes, well, I had a natural gift for the field, a predisposition towards the skills that work well within it. Doubtless, my ego swelled on the ease with which I met challenges my fellow students struggled to surpass. You must admit, it’s easy to feel such confidence when you know you are incapable of well and truly failing at a task.”
Lahabrea sighed. “Indeed, I know it all too well. I also have lived long enough to see it for the hubris that it is.”
“Hubris… I suppose that would be accurate.”
FFXIV Write 2023 - Day 7 - Noisome
Pandaemonium Spoilers up to Patch 6.4
Lahabrea was not a man to wear his annoyance openly, especially after he'd chosen to abide in duty alone all those years ago. And yet, certain things- or rather, certain people- never failed to make his nerves bristle.
He'd quarreled often with the previous Azem, their perspectives never able to align due to her sheer selfishness. If she had any code guiding her actions, it was clearly an internal one and not her oath of office, as he took great pains to remind her.
Her successor annoyed him even more. As one of his former students, someone who may well have joined the Words of Lahabrea or become a trusted Warder of Pandaemonium had he not encountered some sort of mental breakdown, Lahabrea thought he might have more insight into how this new Azem would see the world.
What a fool he was. The latest Azem took the precise letter of the law and found some way to twist its interpretation to suit his latest antics, violating the spirit of the regulation but not breaking it to the point of earning censure. A practice enabled and all-but encouraged by Elidibus Ascendant. Even more annoyingly, Lahabrea found that he couldn't fault Azem's logic, even if he disagreed utterly with the methodology he used.
One would think this understanding would spark greater harmony, but no. It only made his actions even more noisome than Venat's had been.
Worse, he now found himself almost smiling fondly at the man's latest instance of malicious compliance. Charmed by how thoroughly he understood the rules and proceeded to flout each and every one of them, then successfully argue his case to avoid punishment. And, more damningly, something twisting in Lahabrea's gut wanted to silence Azem's manipulative tongue with his own mouth.
An inconscionable thought. Inappropriate to the highest possible degree. The man was young enough to be Erichthonios' peer, for the star's sake. Not to mention that he would be categorically, functionally unable to give Azem what he seemed to long for, if one trusted his little favors and acts of service to send a message.
It was unthinkable. Impossible.
...Desirable. A trap. He'd fallen for this sort of unpredictable behavior before, and it tore his soul in half, estranging him from himself and his son. No love for anything else, none for the star, no room for anything except raw ambition-
No. He wouldn't fall for it again. Wouldn't fall again. He'd sworn upon the grave of his wife that he would cast aside all fickle emotion.
And yet, like a particularly noisome insect, the desire buzzed in his ear, thrummed through his veins, stoked with each visit, each gift, each simple gesture of kindness laden with subtextual meaning to any with eyes to see it.
Damn him. Damn Azem for saddling him with these... unnecessary feelings.
FFXIV Write 2023 - Day 8 - Shed
Endwalker MSQ spoilers, CW for references to self-harm, anxiety, and a panic attack.
Aphroditos curled into himself, inhaling and exhaling on shaky counts of four as he tried desperately to claw his racing thoughts back in line without waking his traveling companion. The sheer enormity of the undertaking he'd chosen, the burden of travelling at Azem's side and leaving behind all he knew, the terror of the unknown expanses unfolding before him struck him all at once, and it was all he could do to resist the urge to flee.
He had to run, but where to? Amaurot wouldn't soothe him, Elpis would only make his condition worse. Running was functionally useless as the last thing he needed was to get lost in the untamed world outside the settlements. Stars, it wasn't even something physical that he wanted to flee, but something internal.
Breathe, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. Slow and steady.
This thought, he ran through his mind like a mantra in an attempt to silence the much louder voice that screamed Out out get OUT run flee GO don't belong here don't belong ANYWHERE out out out OUT you have to get out somehow GET OUT-
"Aphroditos?"
Azem- Venat, she'd told him he didn't know how many times to call her Venat- slowly sat up from her bedroll, looking at him through bleary yet concerned eyes.
Shit. "It's nothing, I'm fine. I'm sorry I woke you-"
Venat shook her head and laid a hand gently on his shoulder. "You and I both know that it's not nothing and that you're not fine. What are you feeling, Aphroditos?"
It took several long minutes for him to find his voice. The thought sounded asinine as soon as it left his lips, but he found himself saying, "I feel constricted. Like I want to tear my own skin off. Been digging my fingers into my robes to fight the urge."
An urge he'd indulged more than once. It had been a common coping mechanism after a trying day in Elpis. A foolish one from the start, really, but it's not like anyone would notice. Would care to notice, even should his sleeves chance to slip up and reveal the scratches. Easier to excuse it as the work of some unruly creation than to admit the truth.
It was bad. Wrong. He had to marshal everything in him to avoid giving in to the impulse.
"So, do that then."
Venat's words short-circuited the stream of reflection and self-castigation going on in her charge's head. He stared at her, mouth opening and closing several times before he settled for replying, "I- Beg pardon? Did you honestly just advise me to-"
She shrugged. "I'd heard from some of your colleagues that your transformed state is a snake-like creature. If that is so, then why not channel that impulse and shed a skin in a form that needs to do so? That would help sate the urge without causing you to hurt yourself."
"I- Er, well, no, I wouldn't, but I- that is, uh. Huh."
Aphroditos hated how useless his mouth was at communicating in this instant, his words stolen by utter shock and disbelief. All this time, could it really have been that simple-?
A soft smile crossed Venat's face as she addressed him once more. "Many of my esteemed colleagues hold that our transformed state is the truest outward expression of our inner souls. Yours, being more serpentine, might on occasion become too-tight or ill-fitting, especially during periods of upheaval. You wouldn't shame a snake for scraping off a layer of skin and scales that no longer fit, would you?"
Despite himself, Aphroditos found his grip around his robed arms relaxing. "Well, no, but that is the nature of snakes, not the nature of man, and besides which, I don't- I'm not comfortable transforming in front of others." His cheeks went pink. "I appreciate all you've done for me, but we aren't there yet."
The older woman nodded, a look of sage acceptance on her face. "Very well. I apologize, it wasn't my intention to cause you further discomfort."
Her expression shifted to something more contemplative before her eyes lit up with realization. "Still, there must be- ah! What if, instead of transforming, we went to the riverside and did some exfoliation? I'm sure our skin could use the refresher after a few days on the road, and I've some marvelous stones for just such a purpose."
"I don't know if handing me an abrasive is the wisest idea..."
"Aphroditos, look at me."
Sapphire eyes met aquamarine and held their gaze. Venat laid both hands on his shoulders, offering both comfort and distance as she continued, "I'll be right there with you. I won't let you scrub hard enough to hurt yourself. And I don't think you'll want to do so either, once you get started. All right?"
Aphroditos shifted, awkwardly tucking his hair behind his ear. "I wouldn't want to keep you up any later than I already have-"
Venat scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Oh, pshaw. I'll have much more restful sleep knowing that both of us are safe and well. And I'm sure you'd rather have less hours of more restful sleep than more hours of restless tossing and turning."
He shrugged. He couldn't deny her point on that front.
Once they were both cleansed, pumiced, polished, and moisturized, master and apprentice settled back into their bedrolls for the night. And though he must only have gotten four or so hours of sleep when the sun rose the next morning, Aphroditos had to admit that 'shedding his skin' made him feel the most rested he'd been in ages.
FFXIV Write Day 14 - Clear
Unsundered Era, mild NSFW.
Aphroditos=Ancient!Xander Hestia=Ancient!Celeste
It never failed: If Hades- now the new Emet-Selch- called, the man named Azem, once known as Aphroditos, would answer his summons. As surely as Hades would answer his, whatever his needs.
The intent had been to share a celebratory drink. A clinking of glasses, a transparent rose wine, perhaps a shared meal because Hestia had dropped by earlier in the day with something fresh and delicious and unlike anything either of them could create.
Then, when masks and hoods and propriety were due to return, Hades took hold of his old friend's hand. And Aphroditos found he didn't have the heart or mind to pull it away, head thick and buzzing and humming with the alcohol.
Hades kissed with the desperation of a man wandering for a moon in the desert who'd just come upon an oasis. Aphroditos, in a brief moment of sobriety snatching through the haze, had to admit that Lahabrea's kisses imparted much the same- a cry for closeness, a plea.
Don't leave me alone. I need you. I love you. Don't leave me here to die without you.
Fuck. It was Hades before him. Hades, not Lahabrea.
Don't get distracted. Focus on returning his kisses, his groping. You know his body like it's your own, you should be better at pleasing him than this fumbling!
If Hades noticed any awkwardness or hesitation in his old friend's ever-eager touch, he said nothing. Aphroditos felt his body move as if on autopilot as sweat-slick robes peeled from flesh, tongues tracing prayers along salted flesh and familiar grooves of muscle. (Always so much more than Hades ever gave himself credit for.)
Amid the molten gold honey of Hades' eyes, Aphroditos couldn't help but see the heartbreak in Hestia's when she realized they'd fallen into bed with one another again. They weren't courting, it's not as if she had a claim, but she wanted him and cared for him, and like a thief in the night, there was Aphroditos, stealing Hades away.
Hades took a dominant role that night. Not a role he relished, but one taken out of necessity, as his partner couldn't seem to provide much more than old, memorized routes of pleasure, run as if by an automaton.
Hades buried his face in his lover's neck. Aphroditos found himself wishing for the scrape of beard and stubble. His stomach twisted as he imagined the look of condescension and condemnation upon Lahabrea's face at their Convocation Meeting the next morning when his neck was covered in the bruises Hades sucked into his flesh.
Though his body reacted as ever it did when he and his reticent white-haired friend fell into each other's arms and beds, the new Azem couldn't deny that he took little actual pleasure from the interaction. If anything, he felt lonely and empty, despite the new Emet-Selch clinging to him and still lingering inside, as if hesitant to part their bodies for even a moment.
Clarity after sex was a damnable cliche for a reason, and Azem hated that this episode left him feeling like he should just disentangle himself and leave while his empathy told him he needed to at least wait until his friend and colleague awoke before setting off.
The hours that Emet-Selch slept felt absolutely interminable. The second Azem had enough freedom of movement to get up without waking him, he took advantage of his friend's showers to clean the remnants of the previous night off and out of him.
...and of course, the noise of the showers would wake him. Emet-Selch sat up in the bed, half-covered by his blanket and rubbing his eyes as Azem, freshly cleaned, walked back to the bed and took a seat at the end of it.
"Aph, it's half-past three, what in blazes do you think you're doing? Come back to bed and finish getting a proper night's sleep. We have work soon and I want to enjoy this."
The whine and demand implicit in his tone only made Azem sigh. "I- Look. Hades. We can't keep doing this. Things are... different than they were when we were younger. You have someone else you're sort of dating, and I've got my thing going with Lahabrea, and I just- I can't."
He could feel Hades' shoulders square, his posture bristle as he pulled the blankets tighter to his chest.
"Hades, we tried this, remember? We tried, and tried, and kept trying, and it just never worked out. You were never as invested as I was- or weren't being honest with your intentions. I got tired of the games, and it's clear that each time we do this, we're only making the situation worse. So whatever this is, it needs to stop."
Out of the corner of his eye, Azem could see the new Emet-Selch shaking with barely-suppressed fury, eyes narrowed into slits as if that would conceal the sadness in them.
"Well, if my presence is so objectionable, then leave. I'll enjoy the rest of my evening alone, and meet you at the Convocation Hall when it's time for business, Azem."
As ever, the man hid behind theatrics and passive-aggression when emotional honesty would have served him better. Azem sighed and rose from the bed, crossing to the door.
He waited for the inevitable cry of "Wait!" or "And just where do you think you're going?" that usually followed when he called Emet-Selch on his bluff. It never came.
Masked and hooded once more, Azem stepped out of his old friend's apartment, and slowly made his way into the late-night streets of Amaurot. If any noticed their Counselor to the People shambling back to his own quarters at unthinkable hours of the morning, they didn't bother to offer comment.
The Fourteenth Seat -- the seat of Azem 💫
#ffxiv #shadowbringers #azem #shbspoilers
🦋👁️An awful noise filled the air; I heard a scream in the woods somewhere 👁️🦋
Since Athena and Nike are closely intertwined in Greek mythology, I like the idea of them knowing each other in the unsundered world. Athena, in her pursuit of godhood, becomes fascinated with Nike's power/combat prowess and sets out to test her.
I'm tagging this for shb spoilers bc of Azem but like...this is 99% just my imagination running away from me LOL
Nike Ageleia, Azem & Shepherd to the Stars in the Dark ☀️
A long overdue reference sheet for my Azem!
Day 18 - Fish Out of Water
AKA Hythlodaeus and Azem discuss flying fish.