Cw Self Harm - Tumblr Posts

warning for depictions of self harm under the cut (it's that ttcc suicide fairy thing I was talking about)

bro killed himself and still doesn't give a fuck

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

ok, im done with another comic page. this one's kinda. uhh. it may be too much. i think i should add content warnings in my tags from now on

i am struggling between the urge to 'preserve' everything i draw by posting it on here and the urge to withhold this shitty art/writing from the general public. my brain is a black box that scientists still cannot fully comprehend

An old vent piece when the dysphoria was really getting to me (am much better now but I'm still trying to share old art ♥)

just took a bath with fresh cuts.

ow.

CW: Self Harm

"Pain is basic" "BASIC is a clothing shop". New thing from today. It's for my final art project. Those lines are graffiti from my neighborhood (more like a vandalized bus station.)  

(∩ ͡°ᴥ ͡°)⊃━☆ﾟ.* Click on the picture for better quality

saw one of those bots or somethin for Tats once and the bio was, “Am I really an idiot?” and

The idea the whole idiot thing is a product of constant berating they received and at first they fought [I’m not an idiot] but got worn down [Am I really an idiot] to eventually just caving and viewing themself as such is just. ouch ꒦ິ︿ ꒦ິ

Tatsuki's version [it's a bit big on them]

Yippeee art dump cuz I've been gone too long :D

Apologies for me saying I have time to do art and then not being online for multiple days afterward :DD (am I hoping this art dump will placate you guys? Maybe...? Is it working :D?)

Yeah I've got a plethora of things for you to enjoy. So, enjoy!

Main masterpost - Echoed masterpost

the body as the punishment & therefore the punished, in a desperate animal riot ending in kitchen knives & throbbing remorse

— Silas Melvin, from “Punished Body,” Grit

HANNA MANGAN-LAWRENCE as SEPPIA in SPARTACUS: VENGEANCE (2012) Episode 9: "Monsters"

TW: SELF HARM

GORETOBER DAY 3: GASHES

"you've been doing this since you were 14, don't you think it's about time you got help?"

FFXIV Write 2023 - Day 8 - Shed

Endwalker MSQ spoilers, CW for references to self-harm, anxiety, and a panic attack.

Aphroditos curled into himself, inhaling and exhaling on shaky counts of four as he tried desperately to claw his racing thoughts back in line without waking his traveling companion. The sheer enormity of the undertaking he'd chosen, the burden of travelling at Azem's side and leaving behind all he knew, the terror of the unknown expanses unfolding before him struck him all at once, and it was all he could do to resist the urge to flee.

He had to run, but where to? Amaurot wouldn't soothe him, Elpis would only make his condition worse. Running was functionally useless as the last thing he needed was to get lost in the untamed world outside the settlements. Stars, it wasn't even something physical that he wanted to flee, but something internal.

Breathe, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. Slow and steady.

This thought, he ran through his mind like a mantra in an attempt to silence the much louder voice that screamed Out out get OUT run flee GO don't belong here don't belong ANYWHERE out out out OUT you have to get out somehow GET OUT-

"Aphroditos?"

Azem- Venat, she'd told him he didn't know how many times to call her Venat- slowly sat up from her bedroll, looking at him through bleary yet concerned eyes.

Shit. "It's nothing, I'm fine. I'm sorry I woke you-"

Venat shook her head and laid a hand gently on his shoulder. "You and I both know that it's not nothing and that you're not fine. What are you feeling, Aphroditos?"

It took several long minutes for him to find his voice. The thought sounded asinine as soon as it left his lips, but he found himself saying, "I feel constricted. Like I want to tear my own skin off. Been digging my fingers into my robes to fight the urge."

An urge he'd indulged more than once. It had been a common coping mechanism after a trying day in Elpis. A foolish one from the start, really, but it's not like anyone would notice. Would care to notice, even should his sleeves chance to slip up and reveal the scratches. Easier to excuse it as the work of some unruly creation than to admit the truth.

It was bad. Wrong. He had to marshal everything in him to avoid giving in to the impulse.

"So, do that then."

Venat's words short-circuited the stream of reflection and self-castigation going on in her charge's head. He stared at her, mouth opening and closing several times before he settled for replying, "I- Beg pardon? Did you honestly just advise me to-"

She shrugged. "I'd heard from some of your colleagues that your transformed state is a snake-like creature. If that is so, then why not channel that impulse and shed a skin in a form that needs to do so? That would help sate the urge without causing you to hurt yourself."

"I- Er, well, no, I wouldn't, but I- that is, uh. Huh."

Aphroditos hated how useless his mouth was at communicating in this instant, his words stolen by utter shock and disbelief. All this time, could it really have been that simple-?

A soft smile crossed Venat's face as she addressed him once more. "Many of my esteemed colleagues hold that our transformed state is the truest outward expression of our inner souls. Yours, being more serpentine, might on occasion become too-tight or ill-fitting, especially during periods of upheaval. You wouldn't shame a snake for scraping off a layer of skin and scales that no longer fit, would you?"

Despite himself, Aphroditos found his grip around his robed arms relaxing. "Well, no, but that is the nature of snakes, not the nature of man, and besides which, I don't- I'm not comfortable transforming in front of others." His cheeks went pink. "I appreciate all you've done for me, but we aren't there yet."

The older woman nodded, a look of sage acceptance on her face. "Very well. I apologize, it wasn't my intention to cause you further discomfort."

Her expression shifted to something more contemplative before her eyes lit up with realization. "Still, there must be- ah! What if, instead of transforming, we went to the riverside and did some exfoliation? I'm sure our skin could use the refresher after a few days on the road, and I've some marvelous stones for just such a purpose."

"I don't know if handing me an abrasive is the wisest idea..."

"Aphroditos, look at me."

Sapphire eyes met aquamarine and held their gaze. Venat laid both hands on his shoulders, offering both comfort and distance as she continued, "I'll be right there with you. I won't let you scrub hard enough to hurt yourself. And I don't think you'll want to do so either, once you get started. All right?"

Aphroditos shifted, awkwardly tucking his hair behind his ear. "I wouldn't want to keep you up any later than I already have-"

Venat scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Oh, pshaw. I'll have much more restful sleep knowing that both of us are safe and well. And I'm sure you'd rather have less hours of more restful sleep than more hours of restless tossing and turning."

He shrugged. He couldn't deny her point on that front.

Once they were both cleansed, pumiced, polished, and moisturized, master and apprentice settled back into their bedrolls for the night. And though he must only have gotten four or so hours of sleep when the sun rose the next morning, Aphroditos had to admit that 'shedding his skin' made him feel the most rested he'd been in ages.

Wow I love apps that let me properly crop my drawings (Instagram you know what you did)

Anyway, Simon :3. This is totally me when I didn’t know a ritual would result in the partial resurrection of the dark lord and not a cure for the curse currently rotting me alive! I love drawing Simon’s Quest fanart fr. And yeah the third image is my profile banner at the moment of posting this, now you guys know what it’s from hehe.

I got a new sketchbook since I filled one recently :3c. Shout out to suddenly getting a ton of energy and drawing bizarre fanart at 1 am 💀💀💀.

I’m putting the more violent ones under a cut even if the post is already tw tagged because of the subject matter being a bit dark d(^^ ).

Along with explanations for all of them of course!

⚠️tw for self harm and burning past this point⚠️

First one (before the cut) is just some pose practice. Simon’s just sitting, all sad and mopey. There’s also a little chibi doodle of him in the bottom corner and a little pose armature in the top corner for a pose I didn’t even end up drawing whoops lol. I feel like I drew his face a little differently than I usually do in this one :O. Idk how that happened lol.

This one is to show the differences in anatomy between each game! The curse takes a lot out of him, poor guy, so he’s a bit less jacked than usual 😔. Well, more specifically he doesn’t have as much of a layer of protective fat anymore. And he’s also very tired :(. But yeah, this is just a reference I’ll look back at to keep this detail consistent! I was going to put scar reference on it too, but I completely forgot and eh it mighta made it kinda hard to make out anyway d(- - ).

I drew this side profile of Simon while watching a video talking about lost media stuff. I think the image I based it on was something Saki Sanobashi related, idk I just liked the vibes of the hair being blown back by wind and got inspired :). And yes I know that Saki is probably a hoax 💀💀💀💀💀, I didn’t have much interest in it tho tbh, besides just hoping something lost gets found in general. Lost media videos are honestly great for putting on as background noise when drawing :)

Simon is totally me when I have a crisis and cover my face with my hands, but make sure one eye is visible and miraculously out of shadow for dramatic effect!!!

Ok spookier stuff time, first of the below the cut drawings. This one is based on how sometimes vampires are depicted as being able to drain someone from long distances or beyond the grave. Dracula is mean, and Simon is suffering from the curse, the usual. Augh I actually need to do things cause I keep thinking of a cool scene of Simon having a weird Dracula nightmare and then waking up to see it wasn’t a dream, and that’s tropey as hell, but it’s spooky!!! Do you see my vision?

This is a depiction of like what happens with a game over or something :O. Like an absolute worst possible outcome: Simon dies and Dracula is unsealed and fully regenerated. I basically just took is Simon’s Quest design and then rehydrated it and tada, Dracula is no longer a skeleton— He ends up looking way more like Vlad the Impaler in this outfit hmmm. Also, unrelated, but a friend of mine mistook Dracula for Jesus in this drawing 💀💀💀.

Oh boy, edgy depictions of uh a lot of not being very kind to yourself themes. Idk how else to describe this one other than ya know when you get really mad at your past self for making a mistake or the wrong decision that you could’ve only known about in hindsight? Also in part the fear of actually becoming a vampire at the end of all of this? And I guess a bit of feeling like it’s your own fault, you’re the one that keeps shooting yourself in the foot, but I feel like he’d also attribute getting hit by Dracula in the first place as his fault too… hmm just a lot of very sad things going on, this one was definitely a later 1 am time drawing, maybe 1:40 or something. I think what I draw at night is further proof to not trust you when you’re tired; I get weirdly existential at night and then it’s totally fine in the morning. Simon! Just sleep! Stop overthinking!!! You’ll be ok!!!

This one I debated putting up at all cause it’s graphic and not finished (TwT ;). But it was a rare drawing of Simon smiling that didn’t look uncanny, which is kinda ironic because Simon this is not the time to be smiling—! That is also wayyy too far for just the Dracula ritual, you really only need a tiny amount to open the seal, but I’ll cut him some slack cause he is a bit at wits end by this point. I’d say maybe he’s smiling because he thinks he finally won, but tbh I thought of it more like when things are just so bad you start laughing. Like Dracula just rose from the altar and the morbid irony of it all is just so absurd, the irony that you did everything right and fought tooth and nail (Dracula’s to be exact lol) to stop it and here it is happening anyway. I wanna give this guy a weighted blanket and a bowl of warm soup—

These last two are based on what could’ve happened to him. The Grey ending is pretty much usually considered the “worst”, but they’re all nearly interchangeable, especially in the Japanese version. For example: the western release really makes the Blue ending seem like he died and didn’t kill Dracula, but it’s a lot more that he just died doing it in the original, which is to say that it’s kinda like the Grey ending just with a different eulogy— Anyway, the Grey ending is the only one that doesn’t show Simon at Dracula’s grave, so I’ve always taken it as he didn’t make it out of the castle basement. And well, setting Dracula on fire is a pretty common way to kill him so uh um, R.I.P. I’ve got a couple ideas for alternate comic endings to say the least. I might honestly just depict all of them and leave it entirely up to the reader which one happened because it doesn’t change much— Though this also has me thinking of how him surviving would work now. The curse would definitely have left some lasting effects, you don’t just magically stop having been rotted, sleep deprived, and whatever else it did. Idk I picture him being like Renfield levels of lost it afterwards if that makes sense… that could also be a pretty solid explanation for why his story isn’t told correctly and the cycle repeats with Maxim later; it’d be a pretty traumatic thing to talk about tbh. Ok but yappersvile over, next doodle 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

Aside from the burnt doodle that’s uh same explanation as the above (R.I.P.), the other two are just a little head angle and expression practice and one tiny one towards the top that’s Dracula being all spooky ghost vampire, but I didn’t like how it was looking and gave up on it 💀💀💀. It’s very hard to draw a vampire attacking someone and not have it look kinda awkward or unreadable. Tbh I struggle putting two characters in one image anyway because I have to draw the anatomy lines for both of them and they end up getting really hard to tell apart when one is behind another, one character suddenly isn’t proportional compared to the other, or you find out one of them isn’t tall enough for the pose you had in mind (>~< ). So anyway Dracula was accidentally way too short all of a sudden and I couldn’t figure out how to draw his torso without making a completely incomprehensible blob behind Simon oof.

Okie, it’s lunch time, bye :3!

Black Mask

general.

★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ☆    ☆    ☆  —  strength 7

★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ☆  —  offense 9

★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ☆    ☆    ☆    ☆  —  defense 6

★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ☆    ☆    ☆  —  speed 7

★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ☆    ☆  —  durability 8

★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★  —  accuracy 10 

★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ☆    ☆    ☆  —  agility 7

★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ☆    ☆  —  stamina 8

★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ☆    ☆    ☆  —  teamwork 7

★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ☆    ☆    ☆    ☆  —  stealth 6

specifics.

★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ☆    ☆    ☆  —  close combat 7

★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ☆  —  bladed weapons 9

★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ☆    ☆  —  blunt weapons 8

★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ☆  —  ranged weapons 9

☆    ☆    ☆    ☆    ☆    ☆    ☆    ☆    ☆    ☆  —  superpowers 0

★    ★    ★    ★    ☆    ☆    ☆    ☆    ☆    ☆  —  traps / setups 4

★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ★    ☆    ☆    ☆    ☆  —  medic 6

lasting injuries: none

scars. surgical scars from chest surgery along with old scars from cutting his flesh as a teenager. subtle, faded scars here and there over the years as a result from fighting batman and rival gangs/henchmen. a few bullet wounds in non lethal areas such as shoulders and hips. severely burned face beneath the mask (non-removeable at this point) fighting style. ( bold any that apply. italicize any that sort of apply )

commander / duelist / honorable / dishonorable / would have others do their fighting / stealthy / long - ranged / mid - ranged / melee / technological / sorcery / superhuman abilities / has fought in a tourney / a lover of fighting / a hater of fighting / cowardly / reckless / strategic / uses underhanded tricks / renowned for their skill / trained / untrained / keeps skills a secret / won a battle / lost a battle / ruthless / merciful.

Roman is a very bold man, but he is self conscious about his chest scars. It’s a very rare occasion when he’ll let somebody look at them let alone actually touch them. They’re one of the few remaining areas of his body that still retains sensitivity so he’ll be a mess if anybody gets their hands on them.

Ok so... this AU is gonna be dark, please mind the tags.

It is what it is.

[NEXT] - [MASTERLIST]

(Can y'all tell I had a difficult weekend lol?)

Developing the AU and concept more in tomorrow's post 👍

😭😭 PLS NOT THE COP COMING IN TO HELP MANIPULATE YOU

was on janitorai and...listen rain, I propose to you: kissing while cockwarming Kairos. he's trembling as he tries (and probably fails) to keep his hips still ૮⸝⸝> ̫ <⸝⸝ ა🩷

(also how silly were you getting with the bots to be banned from multiple character ai sites?? 😭😭)

I absolutely love this idea with Kairos..... Straddling his hips and calling him a good boy while warming up his cock. ღ

...Kissing his soft cheeks while he trembles and tries so hard to keep his composure... I especially love the idea of cockwarming Kairos while he tries to work or play video games. (๑˘︶˘๑) Whenever he finishes one of his projects, he'll finally be able to move his hips and fuck you properly... As a sweet reward!! ღ ღ ღ

ALSO..........

I think when I got banned from Janitor AI, it was when they had the old AI system provided by a third party or.... Something....

I'll um. I'll say this... („• ᴗ •„):

There were... Lots of whips... and like... Genuine torture devices... Tons of blood... Being nonconned.... I could go on. ^^;;;;;;;; A little.... little silly....

i'm a completely different person at 4 AM 💔💔💔