Gender Questioning - Tumblr Posts

ive come to realize something about the way we think about ourselves. gender isnt a social construct. heres why:

it implies that if there was no society, there wouldnt be any gender but people who are isolated from society can still have a gender

if all it took to be a woman was to simply identify as a woman, a transmasc egg would be considered a woman

it kinda feeds into the gender = gender expression myth

people from ye olden days and from other cultures who have different words for being trans like hijra instead of enby wouldnt be that gender because its a different label

tying back to that first point, if you need society to have a gender, wouldnt that make it a choice?

i propose this: gender is a psychological connection to femmininity/masculinity/androgyny/etc. like zodiacs, youre stuck with it for life, but how it applies to you is different then how it applies to someone else with the same zodiac/gender. how you interpret it can be different. you can call a color teal or cyan or turquoise but that doesnt change what color it is. and even if youre really short, that doesnt stop you from wearing heels, like how being a man doesnt stop you from wearing a dress. to be a woman, you have a psychological connection to femininity. you can present masculine, but inside its still femme. same thing for feminine presenting men and feminine/masculine presenting enbies.

thanks for reading, have a great day :)

Am I asexual because I’m trans? Or do I just have dysphoria because I’m asexual? Or do I just hate my body?

I have some doubts, I Need help💕✨

Like, what if I identify with both my gender at birth, and the "opposite" one?

Like, I'm a cis girl, and I'm comfortable with She/Her pronouns + my body's very.. feminine.

But like, idk, I like to refer to myself as if I were a guy, found myself picturing my future as a father of 3 in my head wearing moustache of the likes of my own father's, only to realize It's just unrealistic for various reasons..

But like then again I have this very muscolar body, and I'm like a tall girl? But a short man? I guess? Pretty much like a walking library.. I guess this image really fits my look? But still I know this doesn't matter (nothing matters) but here rn It Feels like It matters (but still not so much 'cause there are worse problems in this life to solve, like child labor, Is anyone thinking about it? I do! Very often actually, but does anything changes even tho I keep thinking about It? NO! And still my own selfish personal problem isn't solved!)

Sooo uhmmm... Basically, I think I'm like Bigender? Yeah, but then I found of It means that I'm under the transgender umbrella? Tho I don't feel like It? 'cause I still very enjoy my cisgender life, ya' know? I mean-- "bi"... Like I feel like a thief!

So I think I'll define myself as genderqueer for now😅?

Do👉🏻👈🏻😳

Do you know anyone or anythingthat that could help? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

It's 2:28 a.m. rn, so I guess It's still a good evening for you guys❣️💕💕💗💗🌺✨💕💞💕🌸🌸✨💕💗🌺🌺❤️💗

Any advice on how to figure out of ur a straight trans guy or a nb butch lesbian? Its weird cause when i dont feel like a guy, i want to be masculine but when i do feel like a guy, i want to be feminine. Its a weird paradox of never beening gender conforming and flowing between masculine femininity and feminine masculinty... Idk alot of these labels are white and exclude me as a two spirit person anyway but i wish i could just figure it out. Ive been like this for 4 years...

since i absolutely do not have the expertise to answer this, i asked people on the discord about it. here are their responses (distributed with permission):

note: this is the first time i’ve ever transcribed something, please let me know if it sucks

[image description: a conversation on discord between three users: Hal, james (it), and theodore. the text is as follows:

Hal: i wasn't ever quite in the same situation as this person (i generally always wanted to be masc & am also white and can't speak to other gender feelings they may have as a two spirit person), but in my case being a straight trans guy felt like an option i was Not Allowed to take, leaving me to sort of be doing mental gymnastics to figure out how to basically be a straight trans guy without calling it that or thinking of it as that. in my case letting myself go "im a het trans guy" let me build up a foundation that allowed for the more wobbly gender feelings to like.. Not make me worry that i've been wrong this whole time basically? like i do still have nonbinary gender feelings but i now have a foundation to understand them in, vs trying to pick without having any larger context to place them in going on T also helped because it was easier to more certainly cement myself as "okay, i experience dysphoria which is being helped by being on T" but that's not really something thats super easy to do in all cases, admittedly

james (it): u should ask if they Want to be a guy sounds more genderfluid 2 me u should also let them know being both is an option and there are more butch trans men than they probably think i mean i thought i was the only straightbian on earth until i found this server its alright to be both if they wanna be

Hal: yeah, theres a lot of people who are sort in the overlap between butch & trans dude for sure. knowing that that's a possibility is also really important, i think

theodore: the things that particularly pointed out to me where i stood were like (there’s a lot of internalized transphobia & some descriptions of homophobia in here so i’m gonna censor) [transcriber’s note: the following text by theodore was spoilered out in the original discord message, but has been revealed in the screenshot] • i was under the impression that being a lesbian would differentiate me from other women enough that people would Get that it was different for me. I stopped being able to live with it when I realized most people just saw me as a regular woman but with like, a mental illness or authority issues. (<-the “woman” part of this bothered me the most.) • i had a bad impression of other trans men and had been only exposed to really reductive explanations of gender from them and had to spend time around other trans men who Didn’t Suck for a while before I realized that complicated gender feelings weren’t, like, nb or woman exclusive and the fact that I thought about it didn’t exclude me from being a guy • if i’d been asked “would you rather be a very complicated man or a very complicated woman” i feel like the answer would’ve been clearer • + “do you feel like you Have to be feminine as a guy because you don’t want privilege from being a man or don’t want to be intimidating or is it just nicer for you to be a feminine guy” • also i know a lot of lesbian tumblr will deny this but it IS possible to be bigender and that’s okay

Hal: oh the second to last point theodore posted is a good one to consider as well, because exploring the feelings behind that may be very helpful]

Excuse me but why is my brain giving me another “questioning my gender” moment?!

It’s weird ‘cause like, I’m fine being a woman, like I would want to have kids at some point with my bf

But I feel comfortable presenting myself as masculine, and being a tomboy. I feel most confident in suits, long shorts, flannels and just... looking like a guy or just straight up masculine.

I know I’m not trans because for one thing like I said I’m fine being female/woman and I don’t feel like I meet the criteria for gender dysphoria. Maybe I’ll just continue thinking on it more because idk what to think of this little moment

Excuse me but why is my brain giving me another “questioning my gender” moment?!

>.>

<.<

I think I might try adding “they/them” to my pronouns alonside “she/her” and see how I feel about that

guys,can someone help me,i literally have no idea what gender i am. i feel happy when reffered to as a boy,and called by he/him pronouns,and wouldn't mind living as a boy,but i also really like being a girl,and happy when called feminine compliments,and being called she/her,and dressing femininely,and being called a girl. would this be bigender/non-binary? sorry if this sounds weird!

I was looking at different "____-culture-is" blogs and like I've been questioning my gender for a while. like I experimented with the label nonbinary for a while but that just wasn't it. and this ask describes exactly how my relationship with my gender is. down to the using she/her because its just what i always used.

Hi! So, uhm. I have a question and since we're supposed to start every ask/submission with “agender culture is” I'm not even sure if this is the right place to ask. But I also don't know where else or whom else I'm supposed to ask. So here goes nothing, I suppose. :')

I was thinking whether I'm agender, something else or just cis. (A friend of mine mentioned feeling “girly” and since then I have to think about that. But not even because it bothers me, more because I'm just... curious?)

I'm assigned female at birth and have absolutely no problem with that. If someone was to ask me what gender I am I would answer female without hesitation. It's my sex and I have, like I said, no problem with that. I don't have gender dysphoria or anything like that either. I don't wish to have another gender in any way. But at the same time I don't think I would care waking up tomorrow as a boy?

I use she/her. Those are the pronouns I'm used to. I don't have a problem with that. But I also don't think that I would care if someone would use a different set of pronouns? It would feel weird at first probably, but not because that's not me but rather because I'm not used to that? Pronouns are nothing more then words to me, if that makes sense.

I think I don't really... feel gender?

I don't feel “girly”. (How do you feel that in the first place?)

But I also don't feel boy-ish? (How am I supposed to feel that? Or to know how that would feel?)

But it's not like I feel like I'm neither. I don't feel non binary for example because, again, how do you feel that?

But at the same time I don't feel like I'm lacking gender. I don't feel like I'm missing anything. I just don't have a sense of gender, I guess. I'm just me. I don't know whether I act more like a girl, boy, both or neither. And I don't really care. My gender doesn't change who I am. It doesn't affect me. And I couldn't care less about my gender.

I'm sorry for that long-ass text. ._.

And for probably just wasting your time.

But, uh... Help? Pretty please?

You're not wasting my time, so don't worry about that. It definitely sounds like you could be agender because you said that you're just you, and you don't have to feel like you're lacking gender to be agender. I would also recommend looking into gender-neutrois (it's a very similar label to agender). I don't know if that was helpful, but I hope it was.

y’know, i’ve been wondering. is it still considered trans if i use they/it/he? like, i am absolutely more masculine than feminine, but i wouldn’t really call myself trans. i identify as blankboy, but also lean a little more towards genderblank and genderfree, hence why he/him is my third preference. i’m genuinely curious about the technicalities, so if someone has any answers… :)

May I direct you all to Robin Zander

Robin Zander made me gay (and a little less cis)

Being queer isn't your choice, it's Robin's

Please oh my god I just want to be a vaguely threatening humanoid opalescent ethereal god like creature that exudes both masculine and feminine energy, strangely alluring, but so gorgeous that you're scared to look at it. Is that so much to ask? Also I want a beak bc I think it'd be funny.

No because listen, you WILL refer to me as handsome, I DO NOT CARE IF I'M FEM PRESENTING I'M HANDSOME GOD DAMNIT

And that's that on that.

i think it needs to be said that there really aren’t as many rules to sexuality as you think or as people on here would have you believe. i get so many messages that are like “am i allowed to use this label if i feel like this” and unless you are 100% sure ur straight and only want relationships with ur opposite gender then generally the answer is yes, you don’t need to make sure everyone else is feeling what u are feeling to pick a label. labels are there for guidance for you but ultimately you are the one who defines them. like we’re all just making it up as we go along anyway and if u have a thought one day like “hm maybe i’m a gay bitch” that’s kinda all you need like u can figure out the rest later and change it if needs be because at the end of the day it’s all just words none of this is real, this shit is supposed to offer comfort and sense of identity and community not stress and isolation. it’s okay ur okay u got this

how to be okay when I see my deadname

*adjusts microphone*

IT’S NOT OKAY TO DEADNAME YOUR KIDS WHEN YOU’RE MAD AT THEM