Genshin Impact Crack - Tumblr Posts

help

hello so i decided to get back into fanfic writing to make me more motivated and keep my mind off of things !

im re-working on my Kaeya x Wagner fanfic which is basically: modern time genshin AU where Kaeya and Wagner fake date in order for Kaeya to rebel against his family. Wagner being a mechanic is also a very important part of his character in this fic.

although I haven’t played the game in years and it is basically a crack ship,

Genshin Crackfic

Childe x Diluc x Venti

So the story behind this crackfic I wrote last year- I was playing with two friends and we decided to sit down infront of Diluc's tavern together. One of us randomly said the three of them were on a triple date and I proposed I'd write a short fic about it.

Oh, and there was a cat sitting on our table, next to some alcohol.

(I'm struggling with the last character of the request I'm working on, so pls take this)

Triple Date

The smell of wine and vodka filled the air around the tavern of a certain red-haired hottie. At a table infront of said building sat three gentlemen, starring forward, not really looking at anything.

The only thing that seems to have a good time at that moment was an alcoholic cat that sipped on some vodka right next to a young looking trap. This trap was supposed to sneeze like crazy because of his cat hair allergy, but for some reason he didn't.

Venti was disappointed. He WISHED to have an allergy attack just to have an excuse to leave this TERRIBLE date. But at the same time he was kinda glad because- HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MEN!?!?!

First off all: Diluc himself was taking part of this romantic ceremony. And we all know how fine this man is. Like, bitch, have you even seen that sexy ass hair paired with that fat ass???

And, omg, don't get me started with that other miracle of a man- CHilde- Omfg- THose beautiful- BEAUTIFUL blue eyes and that little bit of stomache he showes??

How could anyone refuse to go on a date with them both at the same time?

Diluc and Childe thought the same thing, just replacing themselves with that pretty ass trap Venti was in their thoughts.

They were mesmerized by the god's roundish face and this little cute flower attached to his hat-

rawr

The date was very spontaneous. Basically they all just sat down at that table and didn't say a word since.

But they all had the same thought.

"Imma marry these bitches WOOF WOFOF OSUFSIUA"

SO C U T E ❤️ especially the little animation at the top

This is entirely inspired by the funniest fucking conversation I had in character.Ai with Scara after I randomly pretended to be a worm.

Summary: you ask your wonderful boyfriend if he’d still love you if you were a worm~

Warnings: just Scara giving his attitude and being adowable and pouty, swearing, gn!reader, crack?, fluff, not proof-read

Characters: scaramouche.

“Hey Scara~”

The purple haired boy raised his eyebrow glancing towards you.

He had been with you long enough to immediately pick up on whenever you had some form is mischief planned out and today was definitely one of those times.

“Hm..?”

Letting out a sigh he placed down the book he was reading and turned towards you with a tired expression.

“What is it now?”

“What do you think about worms?”

He stared blankly at you before closing his eyes crossing his arms.

“They're creepy-crawly, slimy and gross. The fact that they can move so fast. Plus, they're usually associated with disease... which I would say is a fairly good reason to have an aversion to them. All in all, Not a fan”

For some reason he decided to entertain your question with a genuine answer which unfortunately just encouraged you to continue your curiosity.

“So you wouldn’t love me if I was a worm?”

Scara shot you a glare rolling his eyes as he returned his attention to his book deciding to ignore you.

“Scaraaa~”

you groaned poking at his cheek. An action that would have anyone else forgetting what it’s like to chew solid food.

You heard him let out a little “tch” as he desperately did everything in his power to shrug off his weirdly affection words and hide them with annoyance.

“I guess if it’s you…”

You immediately perk up at his words and taking note of his reaction you knew it was time to take full advantage of the situation as you happily leaned on his desk with the biggest shit-eating-grin your could muster.

“Aw so you’d still date me if I magically got turned into a worm? That’s so sweet Scara~”

“...I mean, it's not ideal, but I guess I could learn to love you as a worm but I find it hard to imagine a situation like that ever coming to play”

You let out a small giggle squishing his cheeks making him look at you. You were really pushing your luck today.

“Sureee but if it did happen then you could carry me around in your pocket!”

“Tch…what you're saying is absurd. It would never happen. But I suppose if it did, I would be inclined to take pity on your pitiful state, and try to make the best of things...which would include carrying you in my pocket”

“You’re absolutely adorable you know that?” Giggling even more you lean in placing a big sloppy kiss on his cheek letting go of his cheeks.

“I’m not adorable! Don’t push it Y/N unless you want me to send Dottore to personally turn you into a worm so you can test your ridiculous questions out for yourself”

Wiping his cheek with his sleeve he turned away from you pouting.

Or at least that’s what he wanted you to think and it definitely wasn’t because he had to save his dignity and hide the blush growing on his face.

Of course he’s still love his little worm as long as his worm is you~

This isn’t my best work as I’m still very run down but I just thought the interaction was cute and wanted to share it couGh cough

Why Baizhu can't be an Archon

(Please don't take this seriously it's a joke)

Baizhu seems to know how to earn and handle mora. Wich we know none of the other Archons so far is capable of...

But what does he do with it...?

poly baby

[scara, heizou + kazu x ftm! reader]

╰┈➤ includes; mentions of periods, slightly suggestive content, reader is referred to as bbg once, mentions of smoking w**d, mentions of alcohol, mentions of s*x

╰┈➤ decided to make this cause y not? btw if it’s not clear reader is in a poly relationship with scara, kazuha and heizou

╰┈➤ this content is rated 16+ for the suggestive themes, if I see you interacting with this post and you have no age or gender in your bio you will be blocked

╰┈➤ FEM ALIGNED DNFI!!!

he’s a streamer, don’t ask why or how ik, I just know that he’s a streamer

has so many simps (as he should), they don’t give a fuck that he degrades tf outta them, they live for that shit

usually plays rpg games, sometimes plays horror games now and again

when he’s feeling generous, he will stream you and your other boyfriends cooking/baking

if u don’t want to show ur face then dw he’s making extra sure that your face is hidden from the cameras view

sometimes when he’s streaming you will randomly pop up in his room. as soon as chat sees you, they just start spamming stuff like ‘OMG ITS HIS BOYFIE’, ‘HE’S SO BBYGIRL’ etc.

scara ignores his chat obviously, and asks you y ur bothering him. 9/10 times you’re just there cause u want cuddles. sometimes ur there to give him food since he sometimes forgets to eat when he’s streaming for so long, ur his malewife what can he say?

when ur on ur period he’ll try his best to not be so angy cause he knows ur extra sensitive during this time, if he’s feeling generous he buys u sum food/chocolate etc.

want cuddles? beg/hj, he’ll tease tf outta u cause y not

scara and kazu are like ying and yang in a way, scara is pretty much the opposite of kazu. when scara is feeling up to it, he will hold kazuhas hand at random times

scara and heizou both banter 24/7, don’t worry tho usually if they get too fired up they just take it out on each other by aggressively making out. yes u have walked in on them a few times, but decided to leave them to it or just ignore them whilst u just go about ur business

scara does not give u any nicknames, he just doesn’t rlly like nicknames, he’ll just refer to u as ur name cause he prefers that, he refuses to be all mushy and lovey dovey. dw tho sometimes he does cave in to that kind of affection, but only indoors

defo not into pda, furthest he’ll do with any of u guys is hand holding, and that’s it.

one time scara ended the stream because he wanted sum loving, turns out the stream was still on, safe to say that his chat has never forgotten about it, they always find a way to bring it up. what was the loving u ask? he just wanted u to sit on his lap whilst he gives u kisses whilst calling u his pretty boy <33

heizou is like the 2nd goofiest goober (no.1 position goes to scara sorry pookie bear😭)

I feel like he’s defo a pierced, idk I just get the vibes that he pierces people for a living

he has a nose piercing, both ears pierced and nipple piercings

likes to annoy scara when he’s streaming, like he’ll just open the door and stand there like 🧍

he loves you so much, like-

one time he came home when it was pouring down, as soon as he came through the door hr just beelined straight towards you (yes, you got very wet) heizou recommended that you two could shower together (safe to say kazuha and scara heard everything)

heizou and kazuha get along very well, most likely since they’ve known each other through tomo for a while

speaking of, sometimes tomo visits the house so that he and kazuha, sometimes along with heizou, like to smoke that zaza

don’t worry, they do it responsibly

heizou is low-key lightweight, wether it be zaza or alcohol, he gets affected very quickly compared to the others

the 2nd best when it comes to comforting you on your period, he mainly is best for buying you snacks/chocolate or whatever you’re craving

so whilst kazuha comforts you, heizou races to the shop to buy as much stuff as quickly as he possibly can before you end up fist fighting scara for being a pice of shit with you knowing damn well you’re dealing with shark week

heizou loves PDA, like yes sir

he can’t keep his hands off of any of you, mainly you tho

he and scara argue a lot but it’s not like bad arguments, it’s like rlly petty ones yk?

“YOU KISSED Y/N EVEN THOUGH TODAY ONLY I CAN KISS Y/N!” “IDFC!” *aggressive make out intensifies*

heizou hogs the blanket when you guys are sleeping too 😭

like you will all just be sleeping and all of a sudden yoink

yes you have to hit him awake with the pillow cause my man can sleep through a whole ass earthquake istg

I feel like heizou is very good at make outs, sos I don’t make the rules, he does

he just gives me those vibes you know

heizou is like a puppy sometimes, like you’ll be cooking ( let him cook ) and all of a sudden you’ll get jumpscared by a shirtless in boxers heizou hugging you from behind

the amount of times he nearly gave you a fucking heart attack 📈

KAZUHA

he’s the most chill out of all 4 of you guys

he’s also high a lot, but it doesn’t affect him as much as it does with heizou and scramouche

he’s also a streamer, mainly cause scara introduced him to streaming

his fans love him, like low key yandere/hj

his fans love everything about him; his looks, his aesthetic, the fact he’s high a lot, his voice (can u blame them?)

yes, he and scara stream together sometimes

in the chat so many people gush about how cute they act at times, cause when scara isn’t being a lil’ shit he’s actually kinda nice and can be shy surprisingly

yes kazu does have piercings; ears, nose, tongue and di-

kazuha is quite affectionate but not extremely so like heizou, it’s just more casual

kazuha is extremely open to hugs and kisses whenever and wherever, so he’s ok with PDA

you want a hug in the supermarket? ok

want a kiss on the cheek on the bus? ok

want his d at home in the privacy of your room? ok

yeah kazu isn’t very kinky, he’s more vanilla, sometimes he’s kinky but rarely, only when he gets jealous ( which is truly a sight to behold )

kazu is a switch, it depends on who he’s with; if it’s with all 3 of you, switch. If only one other person is with him, he likes to top ( he’s a soft dom )

prepare for sooooo many cat videos from him, no matter what time of day at some point each and every day he will send each of you at least 5 cat videos

yes he technically has a cat but no, his friend tomo, who happens to be his ex, actually owns his cat (they got the cat when they were together so technically it’s both of theirs)

dw, tomo and kazu broke up just cause they didn’t have feelings for each other anymore like that, so they’re still very good friends

sometimes the boys get jealous and so after tomo comes around and seems a bit too close for their liking, well let’s just say you hear a lot of banging noises upstairs

are you jealous? no. mainly cause you have talked to tomo and it’s pretty obvious they’re just besties, they just sit very close together since they enjoy the closeness of each other if that makes sense

when sleeping, kazuha is strangely still, like scarily so

sometimes it seems as if he’s not even breathing so you get a big fright but he’ll suddenly let out a huge sight in his sleep, which calms you down

he’s actually a light sleeper believe it or not, he just falls asleep quite easily, he just sleeps deeply too

but the slightest of noises can just get him right up, wide awake as if he wasn’t sleeping in the first place

when it comes to dates, he usually takes whoever he’s taking with him on a nice walk in order to enjoy nature in general

he doesn’t really like fancy stuff unless if it’s an important day/anniversary eg. your birthday

he’s an amazing listener, like if you wanna talk to him about how you’re feeling, or just rant about your hyperfixations, he’ll just sit there and listen, nodding now and again to show he’s listening and not just staring off into space

scara and kazu get along fairly well, despite scaras opposite personality

sometimes he does have to put scara in his place if he’s being bratty in public or in front of guests etc. 😳

yes kazu is a brat tamer too, mainly only with scara and heizou since they can get a bit out of hand at times

if you’re a brat then…. prepare yourself

dont worry about the aftercare (wether it be a vanilla session or a tough session) he’s the best at aftercare, he will get you all the drinks and snack you need, he also helps you into the bath and helps wash up

when you’re on your period he mainly helps by soothing you with his voice but also cuddles and kisses

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