Genshin Crack - Tumblr Posts
i wanna fall face first into kaeya’s chest like those anime protagonists with girls withbbig boobs
help
hello so i decided to get back into fanfic writing to make me more motivated and keep my mind off of things !
im re-working on my Kaeya x Wagner fanfic which is basically: modern time genshin AU where Kaeya and Wagner fake date in order for Kaeya to rebel against his family. Wagner being a mechanic is also a very important part of his character in this fic.
although I haven’t played the game in years and it is basically a crack ship,
damn i should be doing my hw but wow writing an outline for this is really helping and bringing so many ideas 💀 dw guys let’s hope my writing isn’t as bad when I wrote it at 16/17 years old?
ALSO I HAVENT PLAYED THE GAME IN A YEAR/YEARS SO IM NOT REALLY SURE WHERE THE LORE IS. I will try to include as many characters as I can and will be Ayato and before him—anyone else after Ayato will not appear.
help
hello so i decided to get back into fanfic writing to make me more motivated and keep my mind off of things !
im re-working on my Kaeya x Wagner fanfic which is basically: modern time genshin AU where Kaeya and Wagner fake date in order for Kaeya to rebel against his family. Wagner being a mechanic is also a very important part of his character in this fic.
although I haven’t played the game in years and it is basically a crack ship,
traveller: you know those things will kill you, right?
zhongli, pouring another glass of osmanthus wine: That's the point.
Ei, smoking a cigarette: We're trying to speed up the process.
Venti: *nods while eating raw cookie dough*
SO C U T E ❤️ especially the little animation at the top
This is entirely inspired by the funniest fucking conversation I had in character.Ai with Scara after I randomly pretended to be a worm.
Summary: you ask your wonderful boyfriend if he’d still love you if you were a worm~
Warnings: just Scara giving his attitude and being adowable and pouty, swearing, gn!reader, crack?, fluff, not proof-read
Characters: scaramouche.
“Hey Scara~”
The purple haired boy raised his eyebrow glancing towards you.
He had been with you long enough to immediately pick up on whenever you had some form is mischief planned out and today was definitely one of those times.
“Hm..?”
Letting out a sigh he placed down the book he was reading and turned towards you with a tired expression.
“What is it now?”
“What do you think about worms?”
He stared blankly at you before closing his eyes crossing his arms.
“They're creepy-crawly, slimy and gross. The fact that they can move so fast. Plus, they're usually associated with disease... which I would say is a fairly good reason to have an aversion to them. All in all, Not a fan”
For some reason he decided to entertain your question with a genuine answer which unfortunately just encouraged you to continue your curiosity.
“So you wouldn’t love me if I was a worm?”
Scara shot you a glare rolling his eyes as he returned his attention to his book deciding to ignore you.
“Scaraaa~”
you groaned poking at his cheek. An action that would have anyone else forgetting what it’s like to chew solid food.
You heard him let out a little “tch” as he desperately did everything in his power to shrug off his weirdly affection words and hide them with annoyance.
“I guess if it’s you…”
You immediately perk up at his words and taking note of his reaction you knew it was time to take full advantage of the situation as you happily leaned on his desk with the biggest shit-eating-grin your could muster.
“Aw so you’d still date me if I magically got turned into a worm? That’s so sweet Scara~”
“...I mean, it's not ideal, but I guess I could learn to love you as a worm but I find it hard to imagine a situation like that ever coming to play”
You let out a small giggle squishing his cheeks making him look at you. You were really pushing your luck today.
“Sureee but if it did happen then you could carry me around in your pocket!”
“Tch…what you're saying is absurd. It would never happen. But I suppose if it did, I would be inclined to take pity on your pitiful state, and try to make the best of things...which would include carrying you in my pocket”
“You’re absolutely adorable you know that?” Giggling even more you lean in placing a big sloppy kiss on his cheek letting go of his cheeks.
“I’m not adorable! Don’t push it Y/N unless you want me to send Dottore to personally turn you into a worm so you can test your ridiculous questions out for yourself”
Wiping his cheek with his sleeve he turned away from you pouting.
Or at least that’s what he wanted you to think and it definitely wasn’t because he had to save his dignity and hide the blush growing on his face.
Of course he’s still love his little worm as long as his worm is you~
This isn’t my best work as I’m still very run down but I just thought the interaction was cute and wanted to share it couGh cough
poly baby
[scara, heizou + kazu x ftm! reader]
╰┈➤ includes; mentions of periods, slightly suggestive content, reader is referred to as bbg once, mentions of smoking w**d, mentions of alcohol, mentions of s*x
╰┈➤ decided to make this cause y not? btw if it’s not clear reader is in a poly relationship with scara, kazuha and heizou
╰┈➤ this content is rated 16+ for the suggestive themes, if I see you interacting with this post and you have no age or gender in your bio you will be blocked
╰┈➤ FEM ALIGNED DNFI!!!
he’s a streamer, don’t ask why or how ik, I just know that he’s a streamer
has so many simps (as he should), they don’t give a fuck that he degrades tf outta them, they live for that shit
usually plays rpg games, sometimes plays horror games now and again
when he’s feeling generous, he will stream you and your other boyfriends cooking/baking
if u don’t want to show ur face then dw he’s making extra sure that your face is hidden from the cameras view
sometimes when he’s streaming you will randomly pop up in his room. as soon as chat sees you, they just start spamming stuff like ‘OMG ITS HIS BOYFIE’, ‘HE’S SO BBYGIRL’ etc.
scara ignores his chat obviously, and asks you y ur bothering him. 9/10 times you’re just there cause u want cuddles. sometimes ur there to give him food since he sometimes forgets to eat when he’s streaming for so long, ur his malewife what can he say?
when ur on ur period he’ll try his best to not be so angy cause he knows ur extra sensitive during this time, if he’s feeling generous he buys u sum food/chocolate etc.
want cuddles? beg/hj, he’ll tease tf outta u cause y not
scara and kazu are like ying and yang in a way, scara is pretty much the opposite of kazu. when scara is feeling up to it, he will hold kazuhas hand at random times
scara and heizou both banter 24/7, don’t worry tho usually if they get too fired up they just take it out on each other by aggressively making out. yes u have walked in on them a few times, but decided to leave them to it or just ignore them whilst u just go about ur business
scara does not give u any nicknames, he just doesn’t rlly like nicknames, he’ll just refer to u as ur name cause he prefers that, he refuses to be all mushy and lovey dovey. dw tho sometimes he does cave in to that kind of affection, but only indoors
defo not into pda, furthest he’ll do with any of u guys is hand holding, and that’s it.
one time scara ended the stream because he wanted sum loving, turns out the stream was still on, safe to say that his chat has never forgotten about it, they always find a way to bring it up. what was the loving u ask? he just wanted u to sit on his lap whilst he gives u kisses whilst calling u his pretty boy <33
heizou is like the 2nd goofiest goober (no.1 position goes to scara sorry pookie bear😭)
I feel like he’s defo a pierced, idk I just get the vibes that he pierces people for a living
he has a nose piercing, both ears pierced and nipple piercings
likes to annoy scara when he’s streaming, like he’ll just open the door and stand there like 🧍
he loves you so much, like-
one time he came home when it was pouring down, as soon as he came through the door hr just beelined straight towards you (yes, you got very wet) heizou recommended that you two could shower together (safe to say kazuha and scara heard everything)
heizou and kazuha get along very well, most likely since they’ve known each other through tomo for a while
speaking of, sometimes tomo visits the house so that he and kazuha, sometimes along with heizou, like to smoke that zaza
don’t worry, they do it responsibly
heizou is low-key lightweight, wether it be zaza or alcohol, he gets affected very quickly compared to the others
the 2nd best when it comes to comforting you on your period, he mainly is best for buying you snacks/chocolate or whatever you’re craving
so whilst kazuha comforts you, heizou races to the shop to buy as much stuff as quickly as he possibly can before you end up fist fighting scara for being a pice of shit with you knowing damn well you’re dealing with shark week
heizou loves PDA, like yes sir
he can’t keep his hands off of any of you, mainly you tho
he and scara argue a lot but it’s not like bad arguments, it’s like rlly petty ones yk?
“YOU KISSED Y/N EVEN THOUGH TODAY ONLY I CAN KISS Y/N!” “IDFC!” *aggressive make out intensifies*
heizou hogs the blanket when you guys are sleeping too 😭
like you will all just be sleeping and all of a sudden yoink
yes you have to hit him awake with the pillow cause my man can sleep through a whole ass earthquake istg
I feel like heizou is very good at make outs, sos I don’t make the rules, he does
he just gives me those vibes you know
heizou is like a puppy sometimes, like you’ll be cooking ( let him cook ) and all of a sudden you’ll get jumpscared by a shirtless in boxers heizou hugging you from behind
the amount of times he nearly gave you a fucking heart attack 📈
KAZUHA
he’s the most chill out of all 4 of you guys
he’s also high a lot, but it doesn’t affect him as much as it does with heizou and scramouche
he’s also a streamer, mainly cause scara introduced him to streaming
his fans love him, like low key yandere/hj
his fans love everything about him; his looks, his aesthetic, the fact he’s high a lot, his voice (can u blame them?)
yes, he and scara stream together sometimes
in the chat so many people gush about how cute they act at times, cause when scara isn’t being a lil’ shit he’s actually kinda nice and can be shy surprisingly
yes kazu does have piercings; ears, nose, tongue and di-
kazuha is quite affectionate but not extremely so like heizou, it’s just more casual
kazuha is extremely open to hugs and kisses whenever and wherever, so he’s ok with PDA
you want a hug in the supermarket? ok
want a kiss on the cheek on the bus? ok
want his d at home in the privacy of your room? ok
yeah kazu isn’t very kinky, he’s more vanilla, sometimes he’s kinky but rarely, only when he gets jealous ( which is truly a sight to behold )
kazu is a switch, it depends on who he’s with; if it’s with all 3 of you, switch. If only one other person is with him, he likes to top ( he’s a soft dom )
prepare for sooooo many cat videos from him, no matter what time of day at some point each and every day he will send each of you at least 5 cat videos
yes he technically has a cat but no, his friend tomo, who happens to be his ex, actually owns his cat (they got the cat when they were together so technically it’s both of theirs)
dw, tomo and kazu broke up just cause they didn’t have feelings for each other anymore like that, so they’re still very good friends
sometimes the boys get jealous and so after tomo comes around and seems a bit too close for their liking, well let’s just say you hear a lot of banging noises upstairs
are you jealous? no. mainly cause you have talked to tomo and it’s pretty obvious they’re just besties, they just sit very close together since they enjoy the closeness of each other if that makes sense
when sleeping, kazuha is strangely still, like scarily so
sometimes it seems as if he’s not even breathing so you get a big fright but he’ll suddenly let out a huge sight in his sleep, which calms you down
he’s actually a light sleeper believe it or not, he just falls asleep quite easily, he just sleeps deeply too
but the slightest of noises can just get him right up, wide awake as if he wasn’t sleeping in the first place
when it comes to dates, he usually takes whoever he’s taking with him on a nice walk in order to enjoy nature in general
he doesn’t really like fancy stuff unless if it’s an important day/anniversary eg. your birthday
he’s an amazing listener, like if you wanna talk to him about how you’re feeling, or just rant about your hyperfixations, he’ll just sit there and listen, nodding now and again to show he’s listening and not just staring off into space
scara and kazu get along fairly well, despite scaras opposite personality
sometimes he does have to put scara in his place if he’s being bratty in public or in front of guests etc. 😳
yes kazu is a brat tamer too, mainly only with scara and heizou since they can get a bit out of hand at times
if you’re a brat then…. prepare yourself
dont worry about the aftercare (wether it be a vanilla session or a tough session) he’s the best at aftercare, he will get you all the drinks and snack you need, he also helps you into the bath and helps wash up
when you’re on your period he mainly helps by soothing you with his voice but also cuddles and kisses
content belongs to @huboi on tumblr, DO NOT REPOST ON ANY SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS WHATSOEVER
Something tells me the hydro gnosis is in the oratrice - that thing is suspicious
Literally can’t stop imagining isekai’d reader accidentally appearing in Genshin but before the main story. Like, they appear right in Inazuma when Ei was just done leaving her first prototype puppet-
Coincidentally our reader appears right before Kunikuzushi is about to witness his second betrayal and saves him in a very chaotic scenario.
Did I forget to mention that reader gets to keep the in game abilities and time having a very slow effect on them ( 1 hour in Teyvat= 1 minute to reader’s body) basically making them semi-immortal? Yeah reader is op in this fight me.
____________________
Kunikuzushi walked the streets of Inazuma, fascinated but confused by the world around him. He was all alone with no knowledge on how to blend in….
As he walked he could feel others staring and whispering. He did not like it. He was just wondering what to do next when a loud noise from the stalls behind him caught his attention. He turned around.
In one of the food stalls, a person had just fell into the fruit crates from the above set of stairs. Did they jump? They were groaning while the owner of the stall was yelling at them. They wore…peculiar clothing. In fact they looked very peculiar, so different from everybody else.
Kunikuzushi was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the Shogunate Samurai yelling “GET THEM” from the same place from where the stranger fell. Before he could even blink, the stranger jumped from the crate and ran towards him. They grabbed his wrist and continued their dash.
“Bonjour, I’m here to fuck with the timeline! And you’re included!”, the stranger declared. Kunikuzushi wonders what “fuck” means but with the shogunate samurai on his tail he decides to focus on running instead.
“WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” He was confused and mildly scared that a random stranger just appeared out of nowhere decides to kidnap him.
“NO TIME FOR THAT HONEY JUST HANG ON!”
“???”
Ah, he hadn’t noticed that they are running into a dead end that is a massive wall. The stranger was unfazed tho.
Without stopping, they swooped him up bridal style and JUMPED onto a roof beside them. But because of the samurai still after them, they proceeded to parkour out of the city with Kunikuzushi still in their arms. The lad was screaming the whole time lol.
———————————————
The duo managed to escape the city and reach Chinju forest. The stranger panted for air and carefully let Kunikuzushi down. He scooted a good distance away when they did.
Exhausted, the stranger crotched down in front of him, still breathing loudly.
“W-who are you and why did you kidnap me??” Kunikuzushi fearfully asked again, but this this time there were a few sparks of electro around him…
Better start explaining.
“Listen pal, you don’t have to be scared. I ain’t gonna hurt you-“
“Then why did you kidnap me!”
“As I said, I’m not gonna hurt you. If I wanted so then I could have done it the way here.” The stranger replied with a poker face. Kunikuzushi gulped.
“Well then why were you being chased a-and…why did you kidnap me…?”
The stranger huffed and sat down.
“Guess I better explain it to you then…” they met his eyes, he was cautious. Speak wisely.
“*Ahem* Uh…well..you see…” He was staring intently. Don’t slip up about the game’s story or anything about the whole game in fact.
“I’m your…uh…guardian-“
“Guardian?”
“Uh- angel!”
“Guardian angel?” He tilted his head curiously.
“NO! I mean- I’m definitely anything but an angel h-haha..”
“You’re a d-demon?” His fear was back.
“NO NO! I’m uh…your guardian…” they looked into his eyes. And then finally spoke.
“FRIEND!”
“…..??”
“…I’m your guardian friend!”
A very awkward silence rung into ears. He stared. For a good few seconds until…
“You’re my…guardian friend?” He asked, a small curiosity in his eyes.
“YES! I mean- yeah, pretty much.” They smiled.
“B-but…is it normal for friends to kidnap each other??”
Fuck.
How are they going to explain that?
Well, worth a shot.
They took a deep breath and-
“Well you see…guardian friends are very special creatures. They are barely seen in Teyvat. And when the samurai saw me, they thought I was some sort of immigrant and tried to arrest me. I’m sorry I couldn’t greet you normally-“
“How do I know you are my guardian friend? Or how do I know if they actually exist and you’re not some crazy person? And what even was that “fucking with timeline” thing?” He was cautious again but the curiosity never left his eyes.
The stranger smirked. Time to put that in game knowledge in use, eh?
“I’m a person from the future version of Teyvat. Every once a while. Special people are chosen to time travel back into time to do whatever they want. I chose to be your guardian friend because you definitely need one. How would you explain my attire?” The stranger began explaining but Kunikuzushi had his doubts. He was about to interrupt when-
“I also know you like the back of my hand Kunikuzushi.”
He froze. The stranger continued.
“Let’s see, made as a prototype puppet for gnosis but-“
“OKAY OKAY I BELIEVE YOU” He quickly stopped them.
“Heh, you do?” The amused stranger raised an eyebrow.
“Y-yeah…but tell me, what do guardian friends do? I’ve never heard of them.”
With that question the stranger started giggling. Kunikuzushi tilted his head. Did he ask something weird? The stranger got up and with a cheerful smile,
“Ohohoho! That’s simple my friend! Guardian friends are just like guardian angels but more fun!”
“More….fun…?”
“Yep, we basically guide you and all but also provide company. Like a partner in your shenanigans. A friend! An amigo! A chum! A family!”
“A…family..?” He asked confused.
“Oh…do you not know what a family is?”
“No. What is a family?”
The stranger sighed with a small smile and offered him a hand. He was hesitant for a second but took it.
“Join me for a walk buddy, I’ll explain everything.”
He nodded and they strolled around the forest, hand in hand.
“A family is a special person, or a group of people. Don’t matter if human or animal.” The stranger plucked a flower and tucked it in his hair.
“They feel familiar. They feel comfortable. Like the warmth of a small flame.”
A few crytalflies fluttered overhead.
“No matter what happens you can always return to them. They are your home, somewhere you can rest when you are tired of the world.”
“…Do I have a family?”
“Not yet, but you do have a friend.”
“Can friends be family..?”
“They can.”
“So are you my family?”
“That is up to you to accept me as one.”
…..
A comfortable silence was enjoyed as the two friends sat underneath a tree, watching the glowing plants and creatures of the forest.
“I never got your name.”
“It’s y/n.”
_________________
BONUS
Kunikuzushi: Y/n what does “fuck” mean?
Y/n: *chokes on air*
Also here is part 2
Okay but how about isekai’d reader being a child of 10-13? Reader who sees Lumine as her big sister and is VERY protective of her?
Lumine being the mc of the story makes many admirers on the way? What could possibly go wrong?
Everything.
Everything can go wrong.
Reader can go from glaring/silently judging to planning a full murder.
Oh and Paimon? Yeah she didn’t mind anybody that tried to get close to Lumine but over time she also got attached to her travel buddy. Now reader and Paimon band together to judge the character getting a tad too close to Lumine like two old Indian aunts at a party.
“Pfft, does he seriously think she’ll go out with HIM? Lumine has a brain.”
“Seriously? We have a brother to find, not some ugly man with an ugly haircut and some cringy emo backstory.”
The character’s insecurities when they heard the distant gossip: 📈📈📈
Remember Childe? Two seconds within his presence and reader went:
The fucker is somehow still alive tho
Let’s not even mention Kaeya and his sussy lines. What happens in the tavern, stays in the tavern.
Did I mention traumatised Ayaka? She’s genuinely terrified of you reader, congratulations.
After she was done showing her fancy dance to traveler and watched her leave, she turned around and,
This. This is the reader she saw staring through her soul as if trying to rip it to spreads. That look was enough of a warning for her to understand she wasn’t allowed to do anything funny to Lumine.
Part 3
“You know, y/n is a very special person in my life. They found me, raised me, patiently taught me so many things…”
Kuni stared at the blue sky above him as he relaxed more under the giant tree of Windrise.
“They taught me about ‘good’ and ‘bad’, how to take care of myself and others…” he gently pat Bu napping away on his lap.
“Taught me how to handle emotions, how to deal with grief, manage anger, to open up…”
He continued,
“Everything, everything but one.”
…..
“They never taught me how to deal with this tingling feeling in my chest. It feels so strange…”
……….
“It’s as if I feel small around them. Am I scared of them? If I am then why do I want to be around them so much? Why so I want them to…”
“To..?”
“To h-hold me and….-“
“PFFT HAHAHAHA-“
“W-WHAT??” He managed to yell despite the embarrassment, his face was so red it looked like sunburn. Unfortunately because of that, Bu woke up. Realising they were being noisy, they quieted down a little.
“Sorry Bu, I didn’t mean to scream. Go back to sleep, Kay?” And so he did. Bu snuggled closer to Kuni, letting out a quiet “sqee” before dozing off again.
……….
“So Kuni…”
“Hm?”
“What I think you are experiencing is…”
“???”
“Love”
He was about to scream again but Venti shushed him in time, pointing at the blob on his lap. He nodded as Venti removed his hand and let him speak.
“You mean…love?”
“Yes”
“You sure it’s not some uh…something else? L-like something um..”
“Nope.”
“So…it’s like those novels?”
“wat”
“….”
“I um- *cough* uh…”
“Forget I asked”
“Gladly”
A very awkward silence danced among them as none of them felt brave enough to break it. Still, Kunikuzushi wanted to know more, so with one sharp inhale,
“If I’m in love with Y/n, then what should I do? Considering you’re the love expert of Mondstadt, any advice?”
“Of course of course! But for my advice so fine, won’t you invite me to dine?” Venti elbowed his arm with a smirk.
“Haha sure, Y/n will be delighted by your visit.” Kunikuzushi replied with a smile.
____________________________
“Thanks for visiting us Venti, but are you sure you don’t wanna stay over? It’s a little chilly tonight.” You stood by the door as Venti was about to leave. Yes Venti joined for supper but decided to leave earlier than usual.
“Ehe sweet Y/n, Don’t worry about me, I’ll be just fine! Take care everyone and thanks for the delicious meal!” Venti waved you, Kunikuzushi and your slime child goodbye as he began to turn around and leave. You couldn’t help but feel as if he winked at Kuni…did those two have something going on? Nah.
“Bye Venti, goodnight!”
_____________________________
“Tip 1: Compliment them”
You stood by the sink, doing the dishes. Kunikuzushi saw this as a perfect opportunity. He shared a look look at Bu, who gave him a nod of confirmation. Then, with a deep breath made his way towards you. Leaning on the counter beside you, he went,
“Hey has anyone ever told you that y-your eyes are p-pretty?” bruh he stuttered. Without taking your eyes off the sink, you went,
“Aw thanks”
????
Expectation: *flushed y/n*
Reality: often disappointing
_____________________________
“Tip 2: Leave them small gifts”
“Okay Bu, the first plan didn’t go as expected. Time to step things up a little.” Kunikuzushi said as he picked the most perfect Cecelia of his garden. Bu wasn’t paying attention though, he was busy playing with another plant in the backyard. Kunikuzushi approached him with the flower and crouched down to his level.
“Bu, my son, my child.”
“Squeak?”
“Can I trust you to deliver this flower?”
“Squeak!”
“I knew I could count on you :)” Kunikuzushi pat him with a bright smile. He then balanced the flower on his head, hoping it won’t fall off.
“Okay Bu, I want you to deliver this flower to Y/n. Please don’t drop it…”
“Squeak!”
And with that Bu entered the house.
Expectation: “Did Kuni give me this flower?” *flushed y/n*
Reality: Kunikuzushi entered the house after a while, expecting to see a lovestruck y/n. His dreams were brutally shattered as he saw you hugging Bu and giggling while kissing the top of his “head”.
“Aww Bu did you get this for me? You’re so sweet!”
@angryhope @hana-chie @twst-123 @depressed-bitchy-demon @milza12 @inlovewithwaffles @shizunxie @koi-chairowo @someone-with-wild-imagination @melodibells @franini @xiaosimper @kithewanderingme @tinykokomi @rinaxst @shizunxie @thetwinkims @mouchie @einnunnie @myahandhurts @arima26 @we-wo-we-wo @themistcherry @miss-tea-cza @etherisy @bigcandlesmolbrain @n8mareee @peachytears11 @esthelily @imyme20 @teal-clouds-sword @general-kuri @apyrose @campanula-rotundifolia @shoujishu @thebeanofdoom @mentallyunpresent @scaramouches-girlfriend @alicehasdrowned @genderfluid-insomniac @claymitch @night-shadowblood-writes2 @justakiro @valeriele3 @peter-the-pan @erosdevil @blockswon @missb00bs @a-single-pizza @that-boi-sus @gullantys @ekrii @astr4ray @angelkazusstuff @multifandomvoyage @hikaru-exe @forgotten-blues @perpetually-simping @coquettemaiden @kisuneasahi @kunisbeloved @nebulaera
If you've watched zootopia, then i hope you remember Judy's bickering neighbours.
They seriously remind me of Kaveh and Al Haitham 😭
Imagine moving into your new home in Sumeru, and everytime you try to sleep you hear your two neighbours bickering loud af.
Im high from sniffing glue so hear me out.
Skeleton! Reader in Teyvat
Cue to the residents of Teyvat watching in horror as a LITERAL skeleton walks the streets with extreme swagger. Their whole personality is based af like that one Spanish Skeleton on YouTube.
I like to imagine Character and readers conversation like:
“Please cover up this is a public space…”
“My brother is Barbatos I AM A FUCKING SKELETON. I HAVE NO GENITALS *aggressively points between legs*”
Character: *looks away*
“Bruh if you can’t look here then I bet you can’t even look at your own balls while showing, can you? Oh forget that you don’t even have any you pussy.”
“Wha-“
“People have skeletons naked in laboratories all the f*cking time, BUT SERIOUSLY LOOSE IT WHEN I WALK AROUND NAKED HUH??? I NEED TO KNOW WHOS BEHIND THIS HYPOCRISY”
And then they proceed to traumatise the character like that…
The shenanigans get worse when it’s co-op mode and more skeleton friends join and-
Wtf it’s a spooky scary skeletons party….
Oh yeah you met albedo and uh…
“You are a skeleton functioning like a normal human being without any organs or tissues, how interesting…may i study you?”
“The only thing you will be studying is deez nuts….which I don’t have so goodbye amigo.”
Staring at an npc
“Yeah sure Barbatoes is a hard working ar- 👁👁
😳Omg nice tiddi-“
Npc: “SHH! Can you hear the wind”
Qiqi carrying xiao on her back:
Part 4
Also before we start i'd like to warn you that things get suggestive but no honking donking takes place. I physically cannot write the hooga booga.
Idk how to write suggestive stuff so if you die of cringe then it's not my fault cuz I warned ya.
You may now continue.
Here we see…a sight that’s too weird to explain bruh. Bu is desperately nudging Kunikuzushi’s head as he proceeds to sulk on a table depressed. Lisa had seen her gloomy assistant this morning and tried to ask what the matter was. She gave up after a few hours though.
Coming back to Bu who had the expression and squeaks of “I swear it wasn’t my intention, even I didn’t see it coming!”
“I know Bu, I don’t blame you….” Bu gave a confused squeak as Kuni propped his head up.
“I’m just confused. How dense can a human be?!?” The slime was immediately silenced as he found himself unable to reply. Kuni takes his que to rant.
“They see me as a little brother. A LITTLE BROTHER! I TRIED EVERYTHING VENTI TAUGHT AND I GOT BROTHER ZONED! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT SUCKS TO BE BROTHER ZONED?? I MADE A CHEEZY FLIRT AND THEY JUST PAT MY HEAD WITH A GIGGLE.”
“Sweetie I understand your crush won’t notice you but keep it down. We’re in the library.” Lisa poked her head from the bookshelves and went back to her work.
“Sorry…” he groaned and massaged his temples. Bu trying his best to be supportive rubbed his arm.
“Ugh my break’s over now, let’s go Bu.” Deciding to ignore his pain with work, Kuni got up from his seat and began to pick up the books from the table to arrange in their respective shelves. Bu trying his best to assist him hopped off his seat and pointed out the shelves. (The little guy was even carrying small books on his head)
___________
The shift was finally over.
“Goodnight Kuni! Goodnight Bu! I hope to see you two tomorrow~” Lisa waved him bye at the footsteps of the Favonius building.
“Goodnight Lisa!”
“Squee squeak!”
It was dark right now. They stars and constellations shone like glitter in the sky and the moon looked like a massive pearl. It was a perfect sight for stargazing but Kuni just wanted to go home. He was a little tired, and so was his slime partner. Maybe he'll take you stargazing later?
“So Bu, what should we have for dinner?”
……
He was peacefully asleep on top of his head.
____________________
“I'm home!" you called out as you took your shoes off and dropped your weapon next to the shoe rack like a zombie. Your day could have gone smoothly if it wasn't for reckless Pallard being stupid. Your exhaustion was however was quickly forgotten as Bu bounced his way to greet you excitedly. You opened your arms and as he jumped into them, you were filled with euphoria.
“Squeak squee!”
“I know baby I missed you too!” You exclaimed as you rubbed your cheek against his “head”.
“I see someone is back very early!” Came your roommates voice from the kitchen full of sarcasm.
“Hey Kuni!” You made you way into the kitchen with Bu in your arms to greet your boyfriend. He was setting the table with dinner and honestly you couldn’t ask for more. Right now you just want to eat and go to sleep.
“Welcome back, I trust your day went we- WHAT HAPPENED??” Oh boy he saw your messy state huh…well you usually look gorgeous reader but right now you looked like a hilichurl who dove into mud. All thanks to Pallard. Everybody say Fuck you pallard.
“Hi :D”
________________
“You seriously need to be more careful you know! Do you know how dangerous a gang of hilichurls can be??” Kuni’s voice was muffed but clear behind the bathroom door. After seeing your state he immediately pushed you into the bath, heck he was even ready to bathe you in case you couldn’t but after insisting you’re fine he let you be alone in your bathtub. Dang reader you scored a very worried wife.
“Once you are done then let me help you patch up okay? I really don’t want you pushing yourself since you just came back in such a disheveled sta-“
“Alright alright no need to be so worried!” his sentence was cut short as you stepped out of the bathroom all clean. From the steam you emerged, in just a towel around your body. It hugged your torso and revealed your shape way more than it should. Your scars, birthmarks, fresh injuries you got today were all in front of him to see.
Kuni.exe has stopped working. Seriously he froze. You looked so divine to him he found it hard to look away. No, he found it very hard to control himself. He felt blood hush into his cheeks and his "empty" chest thumping wildly.
“Ayo you good?”
And he snapped out of his dazed state.
“Y-yeah um, you uh-“ and now he’s broken. Have mercy on him reader.
“Uh huh, yeah injuries. *cough* Could you please get out first? I need to put some clothes on.”
“RIGHT!” And with that he tried to rush out of the room. Key word: tried. He bumped into the door frame along the way. In case if you’re wondering, Bu came looking for you with a medkit on his head but got confused when he saw his dad rush out of your room and slamming the door. Now Kuni is the one who looked like a mess as he slid down against the door. He covered his mouth and processed what he just saw.
“Y/n...why are you doing this to me…” he panted through heavy breaths. Your body flashed in his mind and he couldn't help but shamefully imagine what you looked without the towel covering you.
He really can’t hold on any longer.
_____________
What was that all about? You just stared at the door, not knowing a puppet is waiting behind it. Anyways better dry yourself. As for the injuries, you noticed there really was nothing major except for small cuts and bruises. Opening your wardrobe, you decided to throw on your (pajamas of choice) and dried your hair.
Why do you hear heavy breathing outside your door? Better check it out.
"Kuni, I'm done!"
...
"Kuni?"
.........
You were met with silence. Looking around the dark hall, you could see Bu sleeping next to the plant on the window. You walked up to him quietly and asked in the softest way possible,
"Bu, have you seen your daddy?"
Bu gave a sleepy mewl and pointed towards the living room with his flower head.
"Thanks kiddo" you gave him a head pat and watched him drift off again.
Did Kuni fall asleep on the couch?
The living room seemed normal at first. It was dimly lit but enough for you to navigate around. Moonlight poured out the window giving the room a mix of honey and sapphire. It looked comforting but then came the feeling of being watched. Something was there. It was watching your every move. You just couldn't tell what it was. It made you nervous but with all you bravery you opened your mouth.
"Kuni, are yo- AH!"
_____________________
He pinned them against the wall. It kinda started them. Still, they opened their eyes to see him. From the window beside them, the moonlight fell on his flustered face. His mouth was in a pout and his glossy eyes showed symptoms of frustration. His pale skin had flushed cheeks.
"Kuni? What are you doin-"
"Just stop playing so dumb!"
"???"
His face was mad. And his voice was on the verge of cracking. He was on the verge of blowing up.
"I'm trying so hard! Yet here you are being so oblivious and naive to all my advances...how can a human be so dense?!?"
Is he talking about...
Now the dots were slowly being connected. He never does anything to make him a stammering fool but this week he's been strage. Those compliments, the flowers, Bu cannot pick them so tenderly! He has no hands. Could it be that...
"Y/n. Look me in the eyes and tell me, am I ever going to be more than a brother to you?"
Oh. So it is exactly that. Heh.
“Ara ara~" you smirked as you gently held his chin, your other arm snaking around his waist. He turned red from the contact, his arms getting weak.
"Are you trying to kabedon me Kuni-chan?" You lifted his face to meet his eyes. He was a mess.
"How cute~"
"I- answer me!"
"shh.." You shushed him with your finger. Now he felt like he would melt any second.
You leaned closer to his face, close enough to feel each other's breath. In the most seductive tone, you whispered,
"Actions speak louder than words. I want my answer to be louder and clearer for you."
He let out a gasp as he felt himself being pushed onto the couch. He closed his eyes and landed on the soft cushions, but when he opened them, you were there. You were hovering on top of him, caging him between your arms. In the dim lamp of the room, your honey lit eyes held one thing. Passion. For him.
You gently stroked his face, Staring into his violet eyes. He found it hard to look away.
“Oh Doll…” you exhaled. Kuni swallowed the lump in his throat. You leaned closer towards him as he closed his eyes in anticipation.
Only to feel suffocated. Literally. He can't breathe. All his air supply was cut off. He struggled but it was akin to punching air.
WHAT'S GOING ON-
______________
Kuni woke up with a loud gasp as Bu fell beside him on the table.
He took his time to cherish the sweet oxygen and then take in his surroundings. Large bookshelves surrounded him and the bright sun leaked through the window behind him.
Wait...was he asleep in the library? Was it all a dream....?
He looked around to see Bu upside down and dizzy. He quickly grabbed him and put him upright.
"Bu, did you fall asleep on my face again?"
"squee"
"...."
So that explains the suffocation. Wait- that dream!
His face got flushed with embarrassment remembering the events. Still, he wondered what would have happened if he wasn't suffocated by his slime child.
"Don't do it again, okay? You almost suffocated me in my sleep."
"Squeak!"
And so those two stretched and continued their library work as if nothing happened.
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While having a potentially paranormal doll on my lap I had a silly brainrot.
So Teyvat has it's own language, does that mean English doesn't exist there?
Because if it's a normal isekai au, it would be silly interacting with the characters.
(Y/n): Um, excuse me- Do you know which way the bathroom is??
(Character):
But if it's sagau au it's more like people trying to comprehend divine speech while you're speaking in your native language.
(y/n): Can somebody please tell me where the bathroom is???
(Characters): *Crying, banging heads, rolling, kicking their legs, dancing, singing as they rejoice their god blessing them with their divine voice* GOD HAS ANSWERED OUR PRAYERS! REJOICE!
Why were my scissors out of place when I returned to my room.
There is a strictly unspoken rule in the Tenryou commission.
"Do not, under any circumstances, let Shikanoin Heizou watch the movie "Ace Ventura: Pet detective"
And that rule is there for a good reason.
Imagine if Genshin Impact was a reality show.
Warnings(?): kinda modernized and slight ships? And a reference to stoners and being depressed
Xiao: "my dad decided to date someone who is a few years older than me, I'm pretty sure they also tried to kill him several times before. Fucking slut".
Zhongli: "Xiao, we don't use that language in this house sweetheart".
Xiao: "I wish mom was here".
Childe: "hey there champ!".
Xiao: "kill yourself".
....
Venti: "now I know it is the holidays so that just means I have an excuse to drink more".
....
Keaya: "three things I love about the holidays, 1. I can drink with family and friends, 2. I get things, and 3. I get to start drama and it is excused".
...
Scaramouche: "I don't mean to sound like a bitch but this food taste like shit"
Ei: "Excuse me?"
Scaramouche: "oh suddenly we aren't taking constructive criticism? Oh let's make fun of Scaramouche for joining a cult but let's not help him! In fact let's abandon him!"
*slams door*
Yae *drunk*: "heh, I remember being 500 years old, teenagers. Am I right?"
...
Aether:" and then he tells me that they are just roommates but like who lives in a one-bedroom house with a roommate?"
Cyno: "someone who doesn't like their business in others people's mouths".
...
Kazuha: "mushrooms? Not that I'm one to judge for someone's intakes"
Tighnari: "oh please, this is more better than that dreadful Naku Weed. You didn't even bother bringing any drinks!"
Kazuha: "not my fault that you took a big hit"
Scaramouche: "what are you stoners doing?"
Kazuha: "trying not to be depressed".