How The King Of Elfhame Learned To Hate Stories - Tumblr Posts

Locke:

[The Mincing Mockingbird Guide to Troubled Birds]

I made this on my wrong blog, I meant to make post this on @tttfota

Jude: Cardan, can I speak to you for a minute? In private.

Cardan: Ooh, Someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why i did that.

Jude: You can't just solve everything with a joke.

Cardan: That's why I have two jokes.

Jude, after being kidnapped: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.

Taryn: I think you mean cards.

Cardan, long-suffering: She does not.

Jude, pulling out knives: I did not.

Taryn: *Tossing a spider outside* Treat spiders how you wish to be treated.

Cardan: Killed without hesitation?

Jude: What the fuck is wrong with you??

Cardan: What? No good morning?

Jude: Good morning, what the fuck is wrong with you??

Cardan: I have a question for you

Jude: Yes I’d cry if you died Jude: Yes, I’d still love you if you were a worm Jude: Yes, I still love you Jude: No, I don’t want to break up

Cardan: Thank you

Jude: I’m a reverse necromancer. 

Cardan: Isn’t that just killing people? 

Jude: Ah, technically.

Taryn: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems.

Vivi: Weight loss? Drink water. 

Cardan: Clear skin? Drink water. 

Jude: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.

Locke: You’re insane! 

Jude: Sure I am, what’s your point?

Cardan: We all have our demons. 

Cardan, grabbing Jude: This one’s mine.

Cardan: Are you mad? 

Jude: No.

Cardan: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?

Jude: I am in charge of this disaster! 

Cardan: I have a name, you know.

Jude: *walks into the room* 

Oak: She's covered in blood again. Why is it she's always covered in blood? 

The Roach: Well, it looks like it’s her own blood this time.

Cardan, dramatically: They called me a fool. 

Jude, sick of Cardan's shit: They weren’t wrong.

Taryn: I'm having problems with a guy... 

Jude: Like 'his dead body won't fit into your trunk' kind of problems, or 'you like him' kind of problems?

Is it just me who thinks that Taehyung will make an awesome Cardan Greenbriar? No?

Well...

I think this is my best way to describe this ship

P.S.: change the water bottle w knife and it will be perfect

Jude: Are you… are you crying?

Cardan, actively sobbing: no, I’m smoking marijuana

When your enemy✨accidentally✨ compliments you…😏

Cardan be like: