Im So Exhausted - Tumblr Posts

He gets upset about everything, what am I supposed to say or do? it's stressful

if I take too much time to answer, he'll look at my account to see if I posted anything, and if he sees this, I don't want a fight (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

I'm so tired

college is kicking my arse omfg. I'm gonna sleep early tonight and please look forward to a dilf!jk soon because it's the best thing ever. I'm gonna complete writing it soon, i promise.

goodnight besties <33

General Update

Seasonal depression is such a thing and I’m so over it [but not really lol I can’t escape that easy]. First I had surgery on 11/3 [recovered well, barely sore anymore]. Attended a funeral yesterday that just absolutely drained me; I forgot how utterly exhausting grief is [-furiously notes this for future stories-]. 

I’m sorry to my followers who have been with me for years and are still waiting for closure on Forged; I promise, I do know how it ends, I just am struggling to get there.

But it’s not all bad news! I’ve got a few ideas wiggling around. I’m bare-bonesing out some scenes to flesh out once I find my balance [or some semblance thereof] again. I plan to give at least one more post during this year, even if it’s a small one.

goodnight to the people of tumblr!! i promise i’ll post more tomorrow! today was a busy day, but more zero day content is to come!

i’m tired of just trying to live my life and then always being denied my own fucking identity.

what do you mean, you don’t get my gender? you don’t have to get it, i don’t get watching soccer either and yet - do you see me denying my father the right to call himself a soccer-fan?

what do you mean you think i am a girl because you see me as a girl? i see you as an enemy, does that make you the villain?

what do you mean you don’t think there is something like a non-binary gender? gender is a fucking social construct, read a fucking book once in a while, you’re a teacher for fucks sake.

what do you mean you think i’m too young to know i’m asexual? because frankly i think you’re too young to know you love your husband, because if you meet someone one day and you’ll actually fall in love with them, obviously your “love” for your husband wouldn’t ever have existed, right?

what do you mean you think i’m in love with him? you have no clue about my life & literally just see us twice a week to teach us history, stop attempting to imply all my problems stem from being in love with someone who couldn’t love me back because believe me, if it was that i would simply CHANGE SCHOOLS LEAVE ME ALONE

what do you mean you think i’m just lazy, do i need to record my breakdowns and relapses for you to get that i’m actually fucking falling apart??? DO I NEED TO TELL YOU WHERE I USED TO HIDE THE BLADES????? DO I NEED TO BE VISIBLY MISERABLE EVEN IF IVE ALREADY OPENED UP TO YOU BECAUSE YOU WONT BELIEVE ME OTHERWISE. DO I.

it’s so fucking exhausting. and it feels so unfair because these are my parents, my therapist, a teacher i opened up to. shouldn’t i be able to trust them? i try reaching out for help & support; i get back rejection and ignorance. even though reaching out to adults is the recommended thing, it seems to me that the mental effort and emotional energy it takes just…never really pays off. okay then, time to rely on my found family & myself again, i guess.

i slept for like 20 minutes guys i’m so tired and i have classes soon KILLMEMEMEME

im usually very much a "do something or else you'll regret it" type and i love new things but i wasted my weekend at a stupid fucking conference thing and its boring and sucks and my coworker's annoying and im so irritable and ive only got 4 weekends left this summer so im just wasting my time. and the moment i get home its back to work so i get no time off ever im about to explode

[The Cursed, Unwanted Child: Ostracised by the Village]