Emotionally Exhausted - Tumblr Posts
13/03/24
a little on being tired; because March is for resting up and reclaiming your energy
types of fatigue :
helper fatigue : from pouring all of your effort and energy into others while leaving none for yourself
depression fatigue : from fighting off and carrying the weight of negative intrusive thoughts
future fatigue : from spending so much time working towards a future goal that you neglect your needs in the present
anxiety fatigue : from being in constant fight or flight mode and never being able to let your guard down
compassion fatigue : from absorbing negative emotions from surroundings and experiencing sensory overload
antidotal mantra :
It gets exhausting being an emphatic person ngl
He gets upset about everything, what am I supposed to say or do? it's stressful
if I take too much time to answer, he'll look at my account to see if I posted anything, and if he sees this, I don't want a fight (╥﹏╥)
I'm so tired
I'm like a grandma lately
→ sleeping early
→ eating early
I'm so tired
I cannot.
Today's episodes... ugh. I don't even have the emotional energy for a good, cleansing funny rant. I haven't had a single person I'm actually interested in so it's been nothing but emotional defeat. Weary, exhausted defeat Sigh.
-- I never kissed Finn on that very first date. So after weeks of being treated like toenail fungus by everyone, I spent what felt like an eternity today being browbeat by Meera and Kat for the crime of being in the vicinity of someone who wanted to kiss me? Am I understanding it right?
--Arlo can fuck right off. Everyone acting all sad that she was gone can also fuck off. All she did was be vicious to MC all day every day. Unrelenting nastiness and they're like, OH WE'RE GONNA MISS HER. Bitch wasn't Priya where she was toxic but fun. She was just the toxic part.
--Meera sucks. Alfie sucks. Remember how Alfie was so into her because she was so chill and had zero drama? Almost like he's delusional about people and has unrealistic standards for others regarding their baggage.
--Suresh? Sorry Suresh Stans. He's fallen so low on my list of reasons to hate this season, it's almost comical. But from the outside, knowing people who like him... oof. That was brutal. Like whether he still wants you or not, or whether you still want him or not, kissing the girl he cheated on you with, in front of you, was a level of cruel I don't think I've ever seen in the game. What is the goal here? Oh right, misery.
--Finn? I appreciate him having my back I guess. It was hotter than anything I've seen from the boys because my bar is basically set on the ground at this point. But honestly, can he spend ONE MOMENT where he's not actively trying to hurt Kat's feelings, and uses other women to do it?
-- Gabi. Sweetheart. I don't care. No no. Shhhhhh. I don't care.
-- Dana. I told you we needed some space. I basically said I don't wanna be your friend. Stop coming at me sideways like the snake you are. I ain't here for your self-involved, one sided friendship.
-- Nicholas, I was 100% aware of what a snake you were when the game forced me to pick you up. So I'm unsurprised that I got bit.
--Lulu. Oh sweet Lulu with your beautiful eyes and your questionable taste in knitwear design. You are the one tiny spark of hope I have for the season to be even a little satisfying. You pieing Suresh really did it for me. I'm sure they'll fuck you up next week. But for now, you are my shimmery little treasure and I will protect you from harm.
Anyone else get like this
I don’t know how else to explain it but
Puddle feeling?
You have no energy to do anything, no social battery no emotional battery just a blob of bones muscles organs and skin laying there having no thoughts.
A continuous meh feeling like you’re just a waste of space and all you can do is lay there, feeling nothing as time and the world spins around you
Or am I just weird
Not now please I'm busy rotting in bed
Not now please I'm busy rotting in bed
Not now please I'm busy rotting in bed
I was thinking " what if i just make a catalogue for all my books and HQs??"
And here i am (im crying because my energy boost ended and i didint finish it yet)
updates: I couldn't do the catalog, I got lost im halfway, the shelf almost fell on me too btw, but I'm alive (and I asked my mom to help me in the end)
Buut now my shelfs are pretty :]
I was thinking " what if i just make a catalogue for all my books and HQs??"
And here i am (im crying because my energy boost ended and i didint finish it yet)
How could I even learn to express my problems and emotions, if people just straight up talk about themselves when im about to vent or talk about how i feel? Can they even take time to listen to me for once?
i’m tired of just trying to live my life and then always being denied my own fucking identity.
what do you mean, you don’t get my gender? you don’t have to get it, i don’t get watching soccer either and yet - do you see me denying my father the right to call himself a soccer-fan?
what do you mean you think i am a girl because you see me as a girl? i see you as an enemy, does that make you the villain?
what do you mean you don’t think there is something like a non-binary gender? gender is a fucking social construct, read a fucking book once in a while, you’re a teacher for fucks sake.
what do you mean you think i’m too young to know i’m asexual? because frankly i think you’re too young to know you love your husband, because if you meet someone one day and you’ll actually fall in love with them, obviously your “love” for your husband wouldn’t ever have existed, right?
what do you mean you think i’m in love with him? you have no clue about my life & literally just see us twice a week to teach us history, stop attempting to imply all my problems stem from being in love with someone who couldn’t love me back because believe me, if it was that i would simply CHANGE SCHOOLS LEAVE ME ALONE
what do you mean you think i’m just lazy, do i need to record my breakdowns and relapses for you to get that i’m actually fucking falling apart??? DO I NEED TO TELL YOU WHERE I USED TO HIDE THE BLADES????? DO I NEED TO BE VISIBLY MISERABLE EVEN IF IVE ALREADY OPENED UP TO YOU BECAUSE YOU WONT BELIEVE ME OTHERWISE. DO I.
it’s so fucking exhausting. and it feels so unfair because these are my parents, my therapist, a teacher i opened up to. shouldn’t i be able to trust them? i try reaching out for help & support; i get back rejection and ignorance. even though reaching out to adults is the recommended thing, it seems to me that the mental effort and emotional energy it takes just…never really pays off. okay then, time to rely on my found family & myself again, i guess.
Am I still valid for not wanting to go through all the process of being diagnosed (multiple diagnosis)?
I am autistic and already did tests with someone and at the end she basically said yeah you are autistic BUT you're gonna need to take an appointment there and you're gonna have to do that and it's probably gonna take months for you to GET the appointment, etc...
The thing is, just going through these tests was already much for me, I had like 4-5 appointments with her cause I met her then the tests were divided during 3 different appointments and rada rada it took a bit yk
So anyways, I might have ADHD, BPD, OCD too and maybe other things but I just idk I feel like I really don't have the energy to do so many tests and I know it might be bad but I just- can't it's so much and I just don't like doctors, psychiatrists and all of that in general. But am I still valid?
i have now decided one of the worst feelings is being exhausted in any way that isn’t physically.
like when you’ve been crying for hours then you eventually look at yourself in the mirror and see the pure exhaustion in your eyes that you know sleep won’t fix
you see yourself and say “i’m tired” but have no remedy for your emotional and mental exhaustion
man this shit sucks
Oldest daughter advice!!
Suck up your emotions and pretend that you weren’t hurt cause at the end of the day nobody cares how you feel and it will somehow be used against you <3
