Irondad - Tumblr Posts
tony: guys, we have a problem
peter: is it the fire?
tony: no— THERE’S A FIRE?
harley: oh, forget it, this sounds more interesting
airport attendant: no fluids allowed
peter: okay *chugs shampoo*
airport attendant:
tony: i am so sorry you had to witness that
tony: i’m benching you
peter: you’re FIRING me?!
tony: no, i—
peter: I HATE YOU
*peter and harley sitting in jail together*
harley: …so who should we call?
peter: i’d call mr. stark but i feel safer in jail
peter: but if someone from our
gen z population doesn't open a cube-themed food restaurant chain called dinecraft then what's really the point
tony: do you take constructive criticism?
peter: only in villager noises
peter: life is meaningless, what is even the point?
stephen: what happened?
tony: we didn’t stop at mcdonald’s
tony: i haven’t eaten anything since eleven, i’m starving
peter: damn, how old are you now?
tony:
tony: peter! engage your enemy!
peter: on it!
peter, getting down on one knee: will you—
tony: NO, NOT LIKE THAT
peter: hard boiled eggs are disgusting. i almost died eating one. the crunchy-soft mix is absolutely gross, it's like eating a ravioli covered in chips
tony:
tony: you’re supposed to remove the shell
pepper: why is morgan crying?
tony: because we have wooden floors all over this house and she runs around in cotton socks like there aren't going to be any consequences
tony: i have to leave for a while on avengers business. i've left you all with notes of instruction for while i'm away
peter: uh, i think you’ve made a mistake, mine just says, “peter, no”
tony: you can apply that to any situation
morgan: *screams*
peter: *screams louder to establish dominance*
pepper: …should we do something?
tony: no, i wanna see who wins this
peter: if you step on a person's foot they open their mouth, just like trash cans
tony:
peter: mr stark, listen to me—
tony: no. it only encourages you
peter: you’re not coming with me?
tony: i'm not your dad, pete
tony: [hands him a lunchbox] here are your sandwiches. i'll pick you up at five
[texting]
peter: *voice message*
tony: i’m busy. is this urgent?
peter: don’t worry, you can listen to it later
[later]
tony: *presses play*
peter’s voice message: THERE’S A FIRE—
peter: i want to preface this by saying that nothing happened. nothing is actually on fire. this is simply for future reference
tony:
peter: do we have a fire extinguisher?
tony, talking about his dad: you know where he was on most of my birthdays?
tony: a little place that rhymes with “not there”
peter:
peter: …times square?
peter: i hate how you’re just born out of nowhere, and you’re forced to go to school and get an education so you can get a job. what if i wanted to be a duck? nobody asked me if i wanted to be a duck
tony:
tony: do you want to be a duck?
peter, tearing up: yeah
peter, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! i was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
morgan, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids
tony: what the hell are you guys doing
peter: playing systematic oppression