Joel X You - Tumblr Posts

Jesus Christ! That chemistry?! Fucking BRAVO!!!!

PHEW!!! 😮‍💨🥵

note: This is something I've wanted to write for a while but I am well aware that not everyone will be into it. There are a few stories I want to tell that aren't the norm so I decided to start this nameless blog to tell them. I am not tagging anyone, if you find it then you find it. xo Joel(stepdad), significant age gap, female reader. 18+ legal, reader is 20 (warnings: pov sex, Joel spits on the 😸, boobie play, really inappropriate dirty talk, an unused sex toy [will make an appearance in another chapter], female masturbation, daddy kink, unfit parent) 5.6k word count

He takes up so much space, and it wasn’t just physically. He took up space emotionally, mentally. Mentally most of all. Your thoughts always drifted back to him. Cyclical. An elliptical pattern making him the top of every list you’d go through in your head. He seemed to know it too, in a stoic, quiet, largely unsettling way. Older, attractive men tended to do that. 

It started during that in-between time, when summer, losing your job, and having to move back home pushed you to figure out what the fuck you actually wanted to do with your life seemed to come together like the planets aligning. The precipice of a turning point, a ticking clock counting down the days until your childhood bedroom would be turned into a gym, or an office, or a guest bedroom. The lukewarm welcome from your mother would ice over and you’d really have to get your shit together. 

Your mother was what people who didn’t know her would call ‘a free spirit’, what you called her, was a fucking mess. 

Your earliest memories consist of having to remind her to buy milk or to pay the bill because the electricity had turned off while watching cartoons in front of the tiny, living room tv. You’d had to remind her, in not so many words, that she was the mother, and you were the child. 

To your friends, she was the cool mom. The party mom. Your house was the place to be because she didn’t ask questions, she left her cigarettes unattended and didn’t mind if a few went missing. She kept the bar cart stocked, even if there was nothing but flies in the cupboard and nothing but half-empty condiment bottles in the fridge. Your friends loved it. 

She flirted with the boys your age, she gave sex tips to the girls. 

You smiled when they congratulated you on having the cool mom, and when they all went home, you retreated and pretended to be happy. 

Joel settled her down. Met her in a bar and moved in quick. He came into the picture when you were fifteen and you were almost sure he’d be just like the rest of the lovers she’d taken over the years. You’d given the whole thing six months. Half a year for him to see what a fucking disaster she was. Six months to be a fucking creep, to cheat or get cheated on. 

The only differences you could clock at first were that he was self-employed, and marginally better looking than his predecessors.

He was firmer though, less malleable than the others she’d brought around, he seemed immune to her charms and that only inflamed her. It made her desperate for his approval and his attention. She would throw a tantrum, or play one of her mind games but he’d never rise to her bait. He was patient for the most part, until he hit his breaking point and his temper reared its head. A temper only she seemed to bring out in him. 

To you, it was pathetic. 

He didn’t try with you though, there was no flattery or strong hand, only a silent respect. In a sense, he treated you as the adult, and her as the child. It worked for you, if he’d expected you to call him dad he would have been laughed at mercilessly and he seemed to know this. 

The disturbing part was his respect and his healthy avoidance of you worked its own kind of magic. It made him an enigma, made you curious as to what he got out of the whole thing. A home, sure. A woman who was obsessed with him, yes. Sex–yes. You heard it enough for it to turn your stomach. By the sounds of it, he knew what he was doing.

The thought sickened the healthy part of your brain. The other part though, the part flooding your body with hormones, making it come to life with curiously intense sexual feelings, that part wanted to know what it was he was so good at. How could he pull those sounds out of anyone? It was easier to imagine him with some faceless woman. 

It was shameful to imagine yourself. 

The thought–although enough to fuel a desperate journey of self-exploration–always filled you with an insurmountable guilt. 

For those first few years you could barely look at him. Your mother took it as a healthy dose of teenage rebellion. That only aggravated you more. She never asked questions, never dug to see what the cause of your obvious distaste for her partner was about and so again, you retreated. He, however, kept to the outs of your path. He followed your lead, he let you control any and every part of all of your interactions. He didn’t ask questions. He kept the lights on. He kept the fridge full. 

He burrowed his way in, whether you liked it or not. 

When you turned eighteen, you moved out. He helped, did his ‘fatherly’ duties and moved you into the apartment, he urged your mother to take you on an extensive grocery trip, spoke to your landlord about the safety of the building. You supposed you should have been grateful, you should have said thank you, given him some sort of acknowledgement that you appreciated his help but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Instead you said your mumbling goodbyes, and promptly closed the door on them. Neither of them complained. 

The euphoria of venturing out on your own had lost its shine depressingly quick. A string of chronically unserious boyfriends came and went, the rent climbed higher than you could keep up with, and while already living paycheck to paycheck, you lost your job. Your cellphone had taken the brunt of your frustration at having to call your mother, begging her to let you come back home while you got back on your feet a little more than two years after you’d left. 

Your teeth gnawed at your lips, your fingernails dug into the skin around your cuticles in the attempt to keep your voice sweet and pleading, in the end it was his voice that you’d heard in the background, telling–no, commanding her to say yes. That he would be your champion twisted at your insides. Maybe a small, healthy part of you hoped he’d put up a fight, tell you that you were too old to be coming back home and that you had to figure it out on your own like an adult. 

A healthy part of you hoped that he’d save you again, only from yourself. Hanging up with a heavy, resigned sigh, you set about starting the trek home, ignoring the swirling mess of annoyance, confusion, and perverse glee in your stomach. 

-

The first few days were spent in a depressive episode, a seemingly inescapable loop of sleeping in late, leaving your room only when the house was empty to raid the kitchen for something to eat, scrolling mindlessly–blindly–on your phone and then staying up way too late only to do it all over again. 

They didn’t bother you, but if the annoyed sighs and narrowed eyes from your mother were anything to go by, the talk was coming soon. After the third day of the cycle, you circumvent it and wake up early-ish to shower and dress in something other than ratty old sweats long forgotten by an ex you couldn’t quite remember. 

You came down to find Joel sitting at the kitchen table. His eyes tracked the lines of you, raising an eyebrow inquisitively. 

Your heart leapt. He should have been at work by now. 

“Good morning.” It came out croaky, your voice almost reluctant to come out. 

“Mornin’.” His hair was slicked back, the gray almost sparkling in the golden light. You fiddled with the hem of your shirt. His eyes were so intense, you found yourself stuck in place, like a deer in headlights and that ever present, deep-seeded anger reared its head. It was irrational that he should frustrate you so much with his calm presence. 

“Coffee’s fresh, if you want some.” He jut his chin out to the pot, lowering his eyes to his paper once more. Once his gaze had shifted, you found you could breathe again. You mumbled a thanks and moved to pour yourself a cup, thankful, if unsure why, to focus on something concrete instead of abstract self-reflection.

“Your mama’s gon’ be late tonight. I thought I could pick up a pizza on the way home.” He says it offhand and again, your heart races. 

“Whatever.” You scrunch your face up in annoyance, it sounded like such a bullshit, teen response. He doesn’t comment on it, and that somehow makes it worse. You beat yourself about it as you root around in the fridge for the milk. The cereal you liked was in the top cupboard, and you’re not quite tall enough to reach it. 

You heard his chair scoot back and then suddenly he’s there, beside you, pressed up tight. You follow the long line of his throat as he stares up, reaching the box with ease while one big, warm hand lands on your lower back. He smells like the laundry detergent your mother insists on buying mixed with something else. Manly, smoky, with coffee laced through. Your cunt clenches nonconsensually as he stands there and stares down at you, his whole front pressed against your side, his hand still holding your lower back. Your mouth hangs open, stupidly, and he raises an eyebrow again forcing something to kickstart deep in your gut. 

“You okay there babygirl?” The endearment feels unwholesome.

It triggers something strange, strengthening the underlying conflict for him. There’s a lilt in his tone you don’t like, maybe because deep down you like it too much. Maybe you don’t want to admit that, or analyze anything about what the fuck is happening in your body. In your psyche. 

“Yeah.” You step out of his bubble, barely managing not to trip over yourself in your haste to get away and put a healthy distance between you. 

“Yes. Thank you.” You take a deep breath, pressing your lips together tight in what you hope to God is a neutral expression. 

He lets out a bemused huff through his nose, a mischief in his eyes shining out at you that you’ve never seen directed at you. You’ve seen it used on your mom. You’ve seen her go giggly and flirty whenever he looked at her like that. A half-formed escape plan starts to form but he saves you from the need, he puts his things in the dishwasher, and nods his head in goodbye. 

You practically hold your breath until you hear his truck rumble out of the driveway, and down the street. 

-

You manage to avoid him for a few days, staying out late catching up with friends, or feigning a need for rest. You’ve convinced your mother that your days are now spent job hunting, and for the most part they are. You leave in the morning, avoiding any and all contact and you get home late, creeping up the stairs much like you did in your teens even though you’d really never needed to. Your mother never enforced a curfew, and when Joel joined the picture, he didn’t pry. 

The luck didn’t last though, you got over-confident. He was sprawled out on the sofa, up uncharacteristically late one night when you padded through the house. 

“You’re up late.” You quickly check the accusatory tone, “Don’t you have to get up early?” Better, it comes out more concerned than annoyed and he nods. He wore a threadbare t-shirt, the fabric of it having been through the wash too many times to keep its shape. Light, gray sweats were stretched almost obscenely tight over his spread thighs, pooling at his crotch from being shoved up by the couch. 

“Couldn’t sleep. Come sit, we can watch some tv.” He pats the seat next to him and despite the deep desire to retreat into the Joel-free haven of your bedroom, you cannot seem to disobey him. 

You settle beside him on the couch, a little further away than was necessary. He chuckles softly. 

“I ain’t gonna bite you, girl. Not unless you ask nicely.” 

You pretend you don’t hear it, choosing instead to compartmentalize whatever game he’s playing and stare at the screen. He flips through the channels, settling on one thing for a few minutes before moving to something else until he finds a movie that’s already close to midway. There’s an electricity in the air, something about him galvanizing the space between you, charging it enough to make the hairs on your arms stand on end. You frown to yourself, barely paying attention while fighting an increasingly confusing mental battle. Why is it so hard to be around him? Why does he inspire such scorn? Is it scorn at all?

You rub at your eyes, scrubbing your hands down your face in a feeble attempt to wipe the slate clean. 

He’s just a man, a man your mother had chosen and for better or worse they seem to work. She is happy with him and he is seemingly happy with her, why then is it so hard to accept him for what he is? Something slithers around in your brain, something that laughs darkly, something pulsing through the network of thoughts and ideas that threatens to crack open your subconscious and throw it right in your face. 

“Well now, ain’t that somethin’?” You pull your hands away from your face to see a very explicit scene playing out on the screen. Heat floods every inch of your body. 

“Almost looks like she’s enjoyin’ herself.” He leaves it on, and you feel stuck, your body betraying you yet again to see the way the woman on screen moans wantonly while under a very handsome man. You let out a non-committal sound, teetering on the edge of madness. You scold yourself, you are an adult, an adult that has had sex before and this isn’t even real. 

“Looks like fake bullshit to me.” The strength in your voice lends credence to the illusion that you aren’t affected. He laughs, calm and completely at ease and that only pulls the anger to the forefront again. 

“They can’t show the real stuff on these channels. If it were real, he’d be doin’ what she needs.” 

“And what’s that?” It comes out before you can stop it. 

“Well,” He smiles to himself, winning a duel you hadn’t even known you were fighting. 

“If it were real, he’d be pressin’ on her clit, he’d be makin’ sure she felt every inch of him and make her take his cock like a good girl.” You let out a heavy breath, half shocked, half grateful it wasn’t a whimper. 

Warning bells go off in your head, just as a heartbeat starts in your cunt because you can see it. You can see him. His face twisted up in pleasure but cocky, his hips moving, his thumb dipped into your mouth and then swirling around your clit. He smiles at catching you looking at his hands and you want to yell at him. You want to smack him across the face and kick him in the balls for saying something like that to you, his partner's daughter, but you don’t. 

Your body almost catapults you out of your seat. Barely unintelligible words come out, something about needing sleep, about being tired and then you hightailed it out of there like a bat out of hell. 

The shower was cold enough to make your teeth chatter, but it did nothing to cool the heat blooming in your core and it was with a terrifying desperation that you ground against your fingers. The slick pooling at the mouth of your pussy was enough to feel even with the water washing everything away except your shame. 

You bit your tongue to keep from moaning out the taboo and entirely inappropriate name you were dying to say out loud. His firm thighs spread on that couch filled your mind, the calloused, work-roughened hands you could practically feel on your hips, on your thighs. You could feel them holding and spreading your legs open so he could make you make those same noises you’d heard over the years. Make you take it like a good girl, his good girl. 

You came with a shudder, sagging against the chilly tile. You warmed the water with a sigh, disappointed and ashamed with yourself, trying, and failing, to put the whole thing out of your mind. 

-

You doubled down on avoiding him after that. 

Your mother worked most of the time but when she was home, things were easier. He reverted to the healthy avoidance, the proverbial disinterest that she didn’t seem to have a problem with. You still heard them some nights, the bed creaking, throaty cries, deep grunts but now they haunted you in a different way. Now you heard his words on that couch and couldn’t help but picture all manner of unsavory things that both disgusted and thrilled you. 

Being unemployed didn’t help. There was nothing to keep you out of the house most of the day, and there were only so many places that would accept you looking for a job in person. 

There was only so much time you could spend with friends too, they had their own lives and jobs and relationships. Too busy to save you from unwanted free time. 

Old habits resurface, and you retreat within yourself while pushing yourself harder. A job would fix things enough to help, you could save up enough money to leave for good and take yourself out of the equation. 

-

The powers that be momentarily take pity on you, and after what seems like a lifetime's worth of job hunting you blessedly get a call back. It’s a part time job, but at this point beggars can’t exactly be choosers. It’s a steady, if insufficient source of income that hadn’t been available to you before. Determined, you buckle down, you channel every guidance counselor you’ve ever had and ace the fuck out of that interview.

It’s not taxing work, but you put your head down and focus with the hope that if you worked hard enough, if you made a good enough impression, made yourself indispensable they’d throw you enough shifts to make up a full time job. 

It helps. Time spent away from the house, from your mothers dried up welcome, from Joel altogether genuinely helps. You feel a bit lighter, less guilty, less prone to imagine the unimaginable. You find comfort in the absence of self-imposed temptation. There is peace in the mindless work, in the life outside of the house that no longer feels like a home. 

It's a double edged sword though, because at the end of every shift, the luck–the peace–runs out. If being at work and out of the house is a respite, returning home only thickens the tension. Time spent outside the house only sharpens the discomfort, clarifies the glaring wrongness of it all when you enter it at the end of the day. What it all is, you won’t name. That way madness lies. Issue is, with every interaction, with every chance encounter in the hallway, or living room, every second spent with him in the kitchen watching his lips touch the rim of his mug the thing inside grows. Parts of him fill the corners of your mind. The curve of his shoulders filling out the flannel shirts he favors. The fullness of his bottom lip when he purses them, something he does while squinting at the paper that you’re almost sure he isn’t aware of. His neck, his hands, the dimple in his cheek when he laughs at something really funny. 

These things jump out, innocent as they may be, but other not so innocent things start to creep in. The bulge in his jeans is a mental mine, it lies in wait and every so often when you think you’ve avoided it, it detonates and you catch yourself staring, both ashamed and so inappropriately curious it eats away at you like acid. 

What you needed was something to fill the emptiness, both emotionally and physically. So you did what any modern, adult woman would do; you bought a sex toy. 

Nothing too crazy, or expensive. After perusing the site for a while you finally settled on a plain, non-threatening dildo. Nothing too big, nothing noisy, just something to be able to focus on, something to use while imagining someone giving you what you need. You ignored that dark thing inside that hissed his name, shooed it away and ordered the package for express delivery. With your mom constantly working, and Joel keeping to himself you figured it wouldn’t be an issue. Neither of them would question a package addressed to you. 

You still aren’t sure whether or not you’d do it all over again had you known the Pandora’s box that little package would open. 

You all but rushed home after work. All day, you’d imagined the relief that toy would bring. You imagined yourself using it in the shower, steam swirling as you took your pleasure. You imagined yourself laying in bed in the safety of the dark, setting a towel down on your chair and riding it to your heart's content. 

Joel’s truck is in the driveway when you pull in, but it’s secondary to the excitement at the chance to sequester yourself with your new best friend and so when you walk into the house, you don’t give him much attention. Until he opens his mouth. 

“You got a package today babygirl. I put it on your bed.” He sits on his spot on the sofa, a funny little smile on his face. A bad feeling swells in your chest, and you look up the stairs before meeting his eyes again. 

“Thanks.” You drop your bag on the little bench near the front door, trying, and failing to keep the nervous feeling out of your voice. He nods, and you make your way up, stopping yourself from taking the stairs two at a time. 

Ice flows through your veins when you see the package is open. 

He’d opened your package, he knew what you’d bought. 

Blood pounds in your ears as you stand there, limbs cold and numb at the realization that he saw it. He saw it. He opened it, and he placed it here, on the very place you fantasized about using it. Sweat beaded on your brow, the bottom of your stomach fell out of your ass as you stood there, barely feeling the soft, worn carpet under your feet. 

“Little small, f’you ask me.” His voice at the mouth of your room made your head twist fast enough to hurt your neck. You hadn’t heard him follow you up the stairs, hadn’t heard him open your door and lean against the frame, arms crossed in haughty amusement. 

“Why would you open my package?” You clutched at it, as though he could forget what he’d seen if you held it tightly enough. 

“I didn’t open it on purpose, I’m expectin’ somethin’ and I didn’t read the name.” He pushes away from the door frame, making his way closer and it’s like the air thins as the space between you shrinks.

“I mean, I could tell you been frustrated, but this doesn’t seem like it’s gon’ help much.” He reaches out, and takes the package from you. You watch him do it, watch him, frozen as he plucks it from your hands and takes the toy out. 

“This all you can take?” He holds it, contemptuously–pityingly. 

You wanted to snatch it out of his hands, the dimming voice of reason urges you to push him out of your room and remind him that he needs to keep a healthy distance but you say nothing, you stand there, and watch him. He puts it all down on your dresser, before stepping a little closer, close enough for you to have to crane your neck up to look into his eyes. 

“No boyfriends around to give you what you want?” His hand comes up, the tips of his fingers sliding across the apple of your cheek, slipping down until his thumb pressed against the cushion of your bottom lip. 

“No one around to give you what you obviously need?” He steps a little closer, until your bodies meet. This is wrong, your mind screams it but your body is frozen under his eyes, under his touch. That part, the frozen part is cheering, it’s running victory laps as it floods your cunt with slick in preparation for something unholy. 

That same, writhing, traitorous thing whispers that this is your chance, the house is empty and your body obeys. You look your fill, you take in the curve of his nose and the furrow in his brow. His eyes are black as a crow's wing, lust-blown and completely focused on your parted lips and your shallow panting. 

Adrenaline spikes and you do something you cannot take back. You rise on your tip-toes and press your mouth to his. 

He hums into it, smiling and once again you get that feeling that you’d made the exact move he’d expected you to. A vague, but fleeting inkling that you were just a pawn on his chessboard. 

At any other time you would have stepped away and repented, ate yourself alive with guilt but his hands pulled you closer, his tongue swiped at the seam of your mouth and you opened up for him. That only made it all the more real, the taste of his tongue in your mouth, feeling his hands lower to hold onto your ass. 

The rational part of you shrinks down to nothing, and that other part, the wrong part–it swells and preens under his hands. He pulls away, and embarrassingly, you chase his mouth in a daze. 

“Oh honey, you’re just dyin’ for it aren’t you?” He herds you towards your tiny bed, the twin mattress that has been the stage for every taboo fantasy about this man, your stepfather. You shoo the word away with a shiver. 

“It’s wrong-” You almost whisper, but you don’t push him away, you let him lay you down in that bed and he laughs. 

“It is, isn't it?” He pulls at the hem of your shirt, you raise your arms for him and the picture of it is wrong, daddy taking off your clothes. The thought, the word,  should disgust you but it only pulls your hands to him. You join in, and pull his shirt up and off, biting your lip at the broadness of him. You take in each freckle, the sprinkling of hair on his chest, the dip of his throat calling out for your tongue like a siren. 

He presses his lips to yours again, licking into your mouth obscenely. Unseemly. 

“You been wantin’ this for a long time, haven’t you babygirl?” He pulls your bra off, and the shock of cold air hardens your nipples. He bites his lip to see it, unable to stop himself from flattening his tongue against a hardened bud. A sound you’ve never let yourself make out loud in this room fills the space between you and that slithering thing luxuriates. 

He moves, languidly, unhurried to the other breast and holds the plump of it in his big hand and sucks at the second bud, sucks as much of the peak as he can into his mouth, breathing through his nose while you slowly spiral into madness.

When he lets go, he presses a kiss to your nipple and his facial hair tickles your skin. 

He pulls your leggings off along with your underwear in one go and the reality of it all hits you when the air hits your soaked core. That’s when the urge to put a stop to it is the clearest, when he kneels between your legs and spreads them wide, stares at the place where he’s already filled a million times in your mind. The place that’s drenched at the mere thought of him. 

“Joel-” You start, but he pushes your legs up, folding you and then he lets a glob of spit fall from his mouth slowly, aiming it, a bullseye right on the lips of your cunt. It’s too much, too filthy and you let out a whimper. 

“I think you wanna call me somethin’ else right now.” He undoes his belt and his jeans, keeping his eyes on where his saliva slides down over the open mouth of your cunt, down towards your asshole. He pulls his cock out and part of you shatters. Your eyes flit to the toy sitting on your dresser, your eyes flit to the open door of your bedroom. 

“Don’t worry, your mama ain’t gonna be home for a while.” He smiles, conspiratorially. It's too real, it’s too hypnotic, seeing him there with his cock in his hand while your legs already ache from holding them up and open. He slides the blunt end of it through the mess he’s caused, through his spit and he groans at the sight of it. 

Your heart races so hard to feel him there, that you see the pulse of it in your vision. 

“Deep breath baby.” he warns before slipping inside the tight fist of your pussy, the size of him making you gasp. This is it, there’s no coming back from this and right now, with him seated deep, his groin pressed up tight and the tip of his cock kissing your womb you cannot even think of why you’d ever care.

This is where he's meant to be. This is where you need him. 

“Oh baby, that’s so good huh?” He thrusts shallowly, pulling out a little more than halfway before shoving his hips forward again. You don’t really know how to form words, you don’t know how to take in what’s happening. This is Joel, your step-dad, fucking you in the bed you grew up in. One hand sits heavy on your shin, holding it, the other slides up and holds onto your breast. 

“Look how fuckin’ wet this little pussy is for me,” he moans the words, “you like daddy fuckin’ you?” He thrusts harder and you moan despite the word hitting you in the stomach like a big drop on a rollercoaster. He shouldn’t say that, shouldn’t call himself that, not now. 

“No-” it doesn’t come out like you mean it to, it sounds wrong, like a caress. 

“No? But I think you do-” He leans forward, keeping his pace while pressing his chest to yours, his mouth all but lining up and despite your bullshit protest, you hitch your knees high on his ribs to make room because if he stopped you’d probably die. 

“I think you want me to be your daddy, don’t you baby, it’s okay, I want to be.” He speeds up and the sounds between your legs are so wet, so filthy. 

“You can say it, I want you to say it.” He holds himself up, his elbows caging in your skull and before you can complain or moan or cry he sticks his tongue down your throat again. Your hands finally join the fray and you wrap your arms around his neck, holding him tight to you. 

“Come on baby, say it for me, tell me how good daddy fucks you.” You moan, closing your eyes while your cunt floods him with wave after wave of slick, enough to drip down your ass and onto your bed, down his balls. Enough for it to soak the curls at the base of him. 

“Look at me when I’m fuckin’ you honey.” His hips speed up and it's hard now, his thrusts making your bounce, hitting a part of you that toy would never touch in a million years. 

You open your eyes, and look at him above you, sweat beading on his hairline. Never has he looked more fucking appealing than he does right then. The word is there, in your mouth and you know it’ll taste sweeter than anything in this world. 

The wrong thing wins.  

“Yes daddy.” You moan it, and the shameful thing sets off fireworks in your being, he smiles, and tucks his head into the damp crook of your neck, feeding his lovely filth right into your ear. 

“That’s my babygirl, that’s it, fuck baby you take it better than your mama.” Something inside recoils at that, but something else, another facet of that fucked up thing inside rejoices.

“Let me hear you say it again, say it when you come.” He licks a hot stripe up your neck. His words are a filthy groan, something to tuck away for later.

He reaches down, pressing his thumb to your clit just like he said on that couch and you keen, the slip and the pressure enough to toss you over the edge with an almost painfully intense orgasm. 

“I’m coming, daddy.” It’s a shuddering whisper as your cunt clenches around him. 

He moves quickly, kneeling between your legs to pull out and then he’s stroking himself over your cunt. It’s still pulsing when he paints it in his come. You catch your breath as he tugs at himself a few more times, milking himself against you with a disturbingly familiar groan. 

The fog clears altogether too quickly. The lights are too bright, you’re naked, and he’s still got his jeans around his thighs while the guilt creeps into your veins, replacing the euphoria. 

What have I done? What have you made me do?

The Gates of Jackson | Joel Miller x F!Reader | Chapter 1 - New Arrivals

masterlist | ao3 | follow @youwouldntdownloadapizza and turn on notifications for updates

You showed up at the gates of Jackson with hands covered in blood and no memory of how you got there. That was two years ago. Since then, you've become Maria's right-hand woman and the person in charge of Jackson's logistical backend. Patrol schedules, inventory—all your purview. When a patrol gone wrong forces you to get to know Joel, memories of your past begin resurfacing—along with their consequences.

previous | next

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

rating: 18+, minors DNI

word count: 1.6k

tags: no use of y/n, eventual smut, no beta we die like sarah, jackson era, other additional tags to be added, slow burn, ellie needs a hug, joel lives, good parent joel, reader-insert, reader insert, forced proximity, only one bed trope, nightmares, childbirth, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, soft joel, cuddling & snuggling, fluff, masturbation, pining, joel falls first, possibly demisexual reader (tbd), ptsd, ptsd flashbacks, panic attacks, amnesia, sexual braiding

chapter warnings: childbirth (mentioned)

Chapter 1 - New Arrivals

The first time you met Joel, he stank like shit. Literally, he smelled like he had rolled in it. You issued him soap, and sent him on his way. That was a loss to Jackson’s ledgers you were more than willing to take.

The second time, he smelled better. Unremarkable mostly, more of a neutral scent tinged with man smell around the edges. Nothing to write home about. Still, you issued him deodorant. Couldn’t take any chances.

He requested bullets, a basic first aid kit, and warm clothing. With Maria’s approval, you made the relevant deductions and issued the items at hand. You even sprung for wool socks. With a winter like this, he could use all the help he could get.

“You’re headed south, right?” you asked him as he packed a worn duffel bag.

“Colorado,” he replied. You waited, but that’s all he gave you. Guess he didn’t feel like elaborating.

“What about the girl, she need anything?”

He considered the offer, then asked, “You got any pens, pencils or anything? Notebooks? She likes to keep track of things, take notes. Draw, mostly,” he trailed off, scrubbing a hand over his face, “And we’re almost out of paper.”

You smiled at that. A girl after your own heart . “I’ll see what I can scrounge up.”

* * *

You asked Tommy about him, once the two of them were gone. He didn’t have much to say.

“Barely talked to the girl. Probably know about as much about her as you do. Joel… Well, Joel’s an enigma.”

You rolled your eyes at that. “Come on, Tommy. I’m asking for the basics, not his social security number.”

Tommy sighed. “He’s brash, he’s protective, he’s opinionated… I don’t know what much else to tell you. He’s just Joel. One of those people you gotta get to know just by knowing ‘em, I guess.”

You blinked twice. “Supremely helpful, Tommy.”

* * *

The next time you met Joel, he smelled better but looked worse. You only half-remembered his eyes, but something in them last time had been warmer. The ones you saw now were… dead, almost. Like something within them had been destroyed. Whether he’d been the one to do the destroying or it had been done to him remained to be seen.

You’d seen him and the girl with Tommy and Maria in the dining hall that first time they’d come to town, wolfing down chili like they’d just discovered, well, chili. They ate slower now, both of them, not like they weren’t in a rush but like their heads were elsewhere. The girl seemed to stare into nowhere—not all the time, but it was distinct when she did it.

Joel didn’t zone out. No, if anything he was zoned in . On that poor girl who had been so full of life just months ago, now hollowed out like far too many others. You’d see about filling her back up later. But for now, he was the one that perplexed you. Why was he so focused on her? What had happened out there? Part of you never wanted to find out, but part of you really, really did.

Regardless, she needed new shoes. So you joined them. The man stopped mid-chew, looking up at you with trepidation.

“Hi,” you smiled, “glad you two made it back in one piece.”

“Me too,” he replied, turning his attention back to his cud. You couldn’t tell if that was supposed to be a joke or not. You turned your attention to the girl.

“You’re Ellie, right? I’m Doe. Or that’s what most folks around here call me, anyway.”

“Doe?” She cocked an eyebrow. “Like a deer?”

“A female deer,” you winked back at her. She stared at you blankly. 

“It’s a song,” Joel muttered to her softly, “from before.”

“Oh,” Ellie nodded. The silence dragged, but thankfully you came prepared.

“Cobbler?” you offered bowls to each of them. It was fresh from the oven, still steaming and smelling of cinnamon.

“Yes, please!” Ellie yanked the bigger bowl towards herself, broccoli forgotten. She got a few bites in before Joel intervened, pulling the sugar aside and reinstating the vegetables. The girl frowned at that, but his pointed look said not to bother arguing. So she didn’t.

“Don’t worry, it’ll still be hot in a minute.” You tucked into your own cobbler, savoring the warm sweetness as it glided across your tongue. Even in Jackson, it was a delicacy. But it was spring, and the cherries were here. And you’d accounted for everything.

“Did you want something?” Joel asked, finishing his own plate and reaching for the cobbler.

“Ellie needs new shoes.”

“We’ve got it handled,” he said.

“Do you, though? You haven’t got much to trade with, and we’ve got plenty in inventory. That’s kind of what it’s there for. Why suffer blisters when communism’s got your back?”

“Can I?” Ellie’s face lit up. You liked seeing her eyes like that: brighter. They belonged that way.

Joel swallowed his cobbler, mulling over the idea. “After lunch,” he agreed, nodding to the eager teen. “Finish your cobbler first.”

* * *

Ellie’s new light-up sneakers lit the way as you exited the storeroom through your office. Joel had insisted on a sensible pair as well, but you couldn’t deny the kid a little whimsy.

“Maria give you your patrol schedule yet?” you asked him, nodding to the well-worn chalkboard in the corner. Routes on the left, days and times up top. Names filled in the boxes in between, a testament to your logistical wizardry.

“Not yet,” he said, crossing to examine it. “Guess she doesn’t need to, now.”

“I’ve got you paired up with Tommy. Seemed easiest, to get you started. You’ll be headed up to the lodge, it’s a pretty standard route. Get the occasional runner, but it’s wildlife more than anything.”

He nodded, heading toward where Ellie was already scampering out the door.

“See you Tuesday, I suppose. Guessing you’re the one to check-in with?” he asked.

You smiled at his correct assumption. 

“Sure am.”

* * *

You didn’t know Joel well enough to make assumptions about his punctuality, but Tommy was never late. Even you were late from time to time, often getting swept up in tasks and losing track of things. But the man was annoyingly punctual. According to Maria, that’s part of why she fell for him.

Tommy was late today.

You crossed to the large observation window lining one wall of your office. It gave you a clear view of the front gates and surrounding guard stations, but there was no sign of Tommy anywhere. Or Joel, for that matter.

A knock on your door interrupted your analysis. It was Eugene. The grizzled old man acted anything but, a smile breaking out across his face at the sight of you.

“Hey, Doe! How’s things?” He asked.

“Fine. I’m looking for Tommy, actually–”

“Didn’t you hear?” He interrupted, “Maria’s gone into labor. He’s with her at the clinic.”

Your stomach dropped. Here you were preparing to chew Tommy out for his tardiness when the whole time he’d been busy becoming a father. A very valid excuse.

“And Joel?” you asked. “They were supposed to patrol together this afternoon, lodge route.”

“Not sure. He wasn’t with them. Listen, I gotta go grab the baby blanket I made and drop it off, but you and I need to have a drink one of these days. I worry your hair’s gonna start falling out in clumps if you don’t take a break eventually.”

“Yeah, but then what would you do, patrol out to the dam with Jesse? There’s a reason I don’t pair you two up anymore.”

“Because you don’t like blackberries?” he chided.

You frowned, “No, because you spent so long harvesting them your 8 hour patrol took 12. I was this close to sending out a search party. A little planning prevents a lot of headaches, Eugene.”

He turned to leave, looking back over his shoulder to get the last word. “You know what else is good for headaches? Whiskey.”

You sent Eugene on his way with instructions to give Maria your best. You’d visit her when the baby was here. For now, you had a community to protect. 

With Tommy out of commission and Joel MIA, you’d have to find someone else to help you cover this patrol route. Dina was always a solid partner, if she was around. Devon the bartender could generally be counted on to have your back. Eugene would be ideal, but you didn’t want to make him work a double.

You headed to the stables to see who you could find. Upon entering, the warmth of the building and company of the animals soothed your unease, if only slightly. 

You found your horse’s stall, the gray spotted mare whinnying at your arrival.

“Hey, Bailey,” you smiled, offering her a slightly bruised apple. She took it gratefully, big brown eyes closing in enjoyment.

“She’s beautiful,” a voice said from behind you, making you jump.

“Sorry,” the voice stepped into the light, “It’s just me.”

“Joel,” you took a deep breath in an attempt to slow your racing heartbeat.

“Sorry I’m late–” 

You cut him off with a raised hand, looking him in the eye. 

“You’re not with your brother,” you finally said, more of a statement than a question.

“You’re not with your best friend,” he replied, offering no further details.

You sighed, debating arguing with him about it before deciding the subject was better left untouched. You had your reasons for staying away from childbirth. If Joel had his own, he was entitled to that. You weren’t going to press him on it, so long as he didn’t press you.

“Come on,” you said, swinging your leg over Bailey’s back and settling into the saddle, “We’re making up for lost time.”

previous | next

The Gates of Jackson | Joel Miller x F!Reader | Chapter 2 - Patrol

masterlist | ao3 | follow @youwouldntdownloadapizza and turn on notifications for updates

You showed up at the gates of Jackson with hands covered in blood and no memory of how you got there. That was two years ago. Since then, you've become Maria's right-hand woman and the person in charge of Jackson's logistical backend. Patrol schedules, inventory—all your purview. When a patrol gone wrong forces you to get to know Joel, memories of your past begin resurfacing—along with their consequences.

previous | next

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

rating: 18+, minors DNI

word count: 1.0k

tags: no use of y/n, eventual smut, no beta we die like sarah, jackson era, other additional tags to be added, slow burn, ellie needs a hug, joel lives, good parent joel, reader-insert, reader insert, forced proximity, only one bed trope, nightmares, childbirth, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, soft joel, cuddling & snuggling, fluff, masturbation, pining, joel falls first, possibly demisexual reader (tbd), ptsd, ptsd flashbacks, panic attacks, amnesia, sexual braiding

chapter warnings: childbirth (mentioned)

chapter summary: A detour finds you and Joel lost in the woods and in need of shelter for the night.

Chapter 2 - Patrol

It was foggy today. Cold and foggy. You resented the low visibility, but Joel didn’t seem to mind. He followed behind you on Chestnut, an older mare named for her lovely, dark coat. While you focused on the trail, he watched the trees. Even if infected were rare out here, he wasn’t about to be caught off guard.

You made it about four miles before dust began to mix with the fog, making you cough until you pulled your shirt over your mouth and nose to block out the debris.

“Rockslide,” you called back to Joel, the sound of pebbles still clattering to the ground confirming your assessment. “We need to find an alternate route. I usually send patrols up this way three times a week, but no one’s come up this way since last Thursday. It’s overdue for a checkup.”

Joel was unfazed. “The river narrows to a stream about a mile back. We can cross over, loop around.”

You nodded, “Lead the way, Miller.”

Letting Joel lead was a mistake. Between the detour and the fog, you were hopelessly, utterly lost.

“If we die out here, I’m gonna kill you,” you told him, your annoyance beginning to slip towards downright anger.

“We’re not gonna die out here, Doe. Calm down.”

“We need to find high ground—figure out where we are, get above all this fog,” you said.

Luckily, you were headed uphill. But uphill didn’t last. Just as the fog began to thin, you reached a lake. Beside it stood a cabin, one you hadn’t seen on your patrols before.

The siding had once been painted a bright, cheery yellow, but time and the elements had stripped away much of the color. There were no signs of life, no broken windows. It had probably been abandoned long before the outbreak. Either that, or occupied by people who knew how to keep a low profile.

You eyed Joel, and with a sharp nod, he dismounted. You tied the horses just inside the treeline and approached, slowly and quietly climbing the stairs to the enclosed porch.

You squatted down to pull out your lock pick, but before you could even retrieve it, Joel was winding up to kick the door down. You stopped him with a gentle hand on his thigh. He looked down at you, eyes wide, and you answered his unspoken question by raising your lock pick. 

You made quick work of the lock, standing to push the door open. You motioned for Joel to head inside, but he opted to hold the door for you instead. “After you, ma’am.”

You were tempted to roll your eyes at that, but honestly, you kind of liked it. You led the way, clicking on your flashlight to investigate.

It wasn’t untouched, like you had initially suspected. There were signs of past occupants between the outbreak and now, but whoever it was hadn’t stayed long. The cabinets were still mostly stocked, though none of the cans were of your preferred variety. The curtains were drawn and dusty, having been left that way for some time. You opened them, letting in a dull beam of late-afternoon light. It glinted off liquor bottles strewn across the carpet by the couch.

“Looks like somebody hunkered down here for a bender,” Joel said, toeing a half-empty bottle with his boot.

“You got all that from liquor bottles and a carpet covered in dried vomit? Very observant, Miller,” you teased, taking a seat on an old barstool.

“I’m surprised they didn’t start breaking shit.”

“Not every drunk’s a violent one, Joel. Some of them just get sad. Or horny.”

“Or both.”

You huffed at that. He wasn’t wrong. You were stretching your neck when Joel made the call.

“It’s getting late,” he said. “We should settle in here for the night.”

“That’s not–” you started, before realizing he was probably right. If you kept going, you’d likely end up going in circles, just getting more lost than you already were. And even with all the floor vomit, that couch looked comfy. “Fine,” you sighed. “Get a fire going, figure out some food. I’m gonna head up to the roof, see if I can get a radio signal.”

Joel nodded, setting his pack down by the fireplace. You climbed the ladder up to the small loft space, looking for roof access. There was a small skylight, and with luck, it pushed open.

You crawled out onto the roof, leaning back against a weathered gable. You could just barely get a signal on your long-range radio.

“Doe to base camp, come in,” you spoke into the mouthpiece.

“Copy, Doe. This is Mike at the main gate. Over,” a voice crackled through the speaker.

“Joel and I hit a rockslide along the Mountain View lodge trail earlier. We took a detour and got lost in all the fog. We’re at a cabin near some lake up here. Looks like we’re gonna be stuck here for the night. Over.”

“But you’re alright otherwise? No injuries or anything? Over.”

“Fine, Mike. We’re fine. Should probably get a group out this way soon, though. The place is well-stocked, practically untouched. We’ll probably be back sometime tomorrow afternoon, assuming this fog clears and we can get our bearings. Over.”

“Copy that, Doe. All good over here.”

“Copy. Over and out.”

“Over and out.”

You scrubbed a hand over your face, your bones heavy with exhaustion. It had been a very long day.

“Soup’s on!” Joel called up from the living room.

“Be right there!”

You gathered your things, starting your haphazard slide back toward the skylight when a thought hit you.

“Hey, Mike?” you asked into the radio.

“Yeah?”

“How’s Maria?” 

You waited anxiously for his reply. Childbirth had never been without its risks, but in the apocalypse, it was easy for things to go wrong.

“She’s good,” Mike said, “Delivery went smoothly.”

Good, you thought, letting out a sigh of relief. That’s good.

The radio crackled back on, and Mike added one last detail to his report.

“It’s a girl.”

previous | next

The Gates of Jackson | Joel Miller x F!Reader | Chapter 3 - The Cabin

masterlist | ao3 | follow @youwouldntdownloadapizza and turn on notifications for updates

You showed up at the gates of Jackson with hands covered in blood and no memory of how you got there. That was two years ago. Since then, you've become Maria's right-hand woman and the person in charge of Jackson's logistical backend. Patrol schedules, inventory—all your purview. When a patrol gone wrong forces you to get to know Joel, memories of your past begin resurfacing—along with their consequences.

previous | next

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

rating: 18+, minors DNI

word count: 1.1k

tags: no use of y/n, eventual smut, no beta we die like sarah, jackson era, other additional tags to be added, slow burn, ellie needs a hug, joel lives, good parent joel, reader-insert, reader insert, forced proximity, only one bed trope, nightmares, childbirth, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, soft joel, cuddling & snuggling, fluff, masturbation, pining, joel falls first, possibly demisexual reader (tbd), ptsd, ptsd flashbacks, panic attacks, amnesia, sexual braiding

chapter warnings: canon-typical violence, violence towards children, nightmares

Chapter 3 - The Cabin

By the time you descended the ladder, Joel had everything set up. A clean, if dusty and threadbare, blanket was spread before the fireplace. He’d managed to get the fire going, and while it hadn’t reached a roar, it was plenty hot enough to heat some cans for dinner.

“What are you in the mood for?” Joel asked, gesturing between two cans with a pilfered can opener. “I’ve got alphabet soup or beefy ravioli.”

“Ravioli, please,” you said decisively, taking a seat beside him on the blanket. It took a second of him staring at you expectantly for you to realize he was holding out your selection. You took it and dug in.

“Holy shit,” you nearly moaned, the zing of 20-year-old marinara a delight to tired taste buds.

“That good, huh?” Joel asked. 

You nodded–yeah, it was really that good.

“Maybe Ellie’s onto something,” he chuckled, digging into his own dinner. You cocked an eyebrow. He elaborated, “She’s big on Chef Boyardee, too. Who knew he’d have so many fans in the apocalypse?”

“I don’t know,” you joked. “Fungal pandemics come and go, but pasta is forever.”

He laughed mid-chew, snorting so effusively a J-shaped piece of pasta landed at your feet.

“Huh,” you said. “J for Joel.”

You ate the rest of your food in relative silence, the levity of the first few bites subsiding once you realized how hungry you truly were.

A few minutes later, you set your empty can on the hearth with a clatter. “I’m gonna turn in.”

Joel nodded. “I’ll take first watch. Good night, Doe.”

“Night, Joel.”

Upon further inspection, the puke-covered couch appeared to convert into a mostly unscathed bed. It felt almost wrong to tuck yourself beneath such cozy bedding in your filthy patrol clothes. Especially since you had to be ready to spring into action at any moment, which meant your shoes stayed on too. But it’s not like there were other options. You lay your head atop the impossibly fluffy pillow, and let your eyes fall shut. Before you knew it, you were asleep.

* * *

You only ever saw Steffy in your dreams anymore. Your baby sister had been there for the collapse of the Salt Lake City QZ, escaping alongside you. But somewhere between fleeing and finding yourself at the gates of Jackson, you’d lost her. You’re not sure what happened exactly, but the dread in the pit of your stomach left no room for wondering: Steffy was dead.

She was alive right now, though. You were little again, sitting on the terracotta tiles of your Aunt Suzie’s back porch. It was summer, a gentle breeze rustling the leaves of the magnolia tree above you.

While the adults grilled, you and Steffy had a tea party. All the best dolls were invited, teddy bears too. Even Steffy’s favorite, a bedraggled rat plushie named Ratty.

“Ratty wants Earl Grey,” Steffy said, holding out a tiny teacup and saucer.

“Why, of course,” you replied in a bad British accent, pretending to pour him a cup.

Steffy made Ratty drink the whole cup in one gulp. “Dee-licious.”

You giggled. She giggled. It was contagious, the two of you devolving into downright guffaws when you noticed the adults’ chatter had stopped. Looking over your sister’s shoulder, your face fell.

“What’s wrong?” Steffy asked with a tilt of her head.

You wanted to tell her to run. You wanted to tell her to get behind you, that something was wrong. But you were frozen. 

That’s when the clicker sunk its teeth into her neck.

You woke with a start, flailing wildly, arm connecting with something hard, something that let out an ‘oof’ in response. Joel. You had hit Joel. Based on the proximity, you guessed he was trying to wake you.

“Sorry,” you panted, heart still racing from your dream. “Time for my watch?”

“No,” you could barely make out the shake of his head against what was left of the dying firelight. “It’s only been a couple hours. You were flailin’ about, looked like you were having a nightmare.”

“Oh,” you said. “Thank you. I’m fine now.”

“If you’re sure,” he said. “I’m here, y’know. If you want to… talk about it, or anything.”

You were still shaky. Your heart was still going so fast. But you weren’t about to discuss your dead sister with Joel Miller.

“I’m fine.” You doubled down, softer than you meant to.

“Okay,” he backed off, returning to his spot leaned up against the fireplace, eyes on the door.

Minutes passed, and your heart was still racing. Your hand throbbed, and you wondered how hard you’d hit Joel. Hopefully not hard enough to leave a mark.

“I’m sorry I hit you,” you said softly through the darkness.

“It’s fine, Doe. You were dreaming.”

You hated the way he brushed away your concerns, the way he gave you grace. In your experience, people rarely let others off the hook, not really. There was always some resentment that lingered.

If you were going to owe him, you might as well really owe him.

“Joel?” you asked.

“Hm?”

“I can’t sleep,” you confessed.

“I don’t know what you expect me to do about that.”

You took a deep breath, steadying yourself to ask for what you wanted. “Will you cuddle with me? It’s not you, it’s just…I need another person. We’re safe here, we don’t need a watch, not really. And I need you.”

“Thought you said it wasn’t personal.”

“It’s not,” you bristled. “But I thought it would be nice.”

“Never said it wouldn’t be, sweetheart.”

You lay there expectantly for what felt like ages. Then, finally, you heard the squeak of old floorboards under his boots, and felt the squish of the mattress as he climbed onto it beside you. You found a position easily, one arm beneath your head, his other loosely draped across your waist.

Your heart slowed marginally, but your breathing remained fast and light.

“Relax, sweetheart. You gotta breathe.”

“I can’t–” you started. He cut you off with a hand to your stomach.

“You can.” He pulled you back against him gently, not so tight you were crushed, but just enough for you to feel the expanding and contracting of his own breath against your back. “Breathe with me, alright?”

You nodded with a shuddering breath. He tapped your stomach lightly with his thumb. You matched his inhale, breathing deeply and resenting the fact that this shit works every goddamn time. Within a few minutes, you were calm. Or as calm as you were going to get, anyway.

“I get them too, you know,” Joel admitted.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

You were still pulled close against him, neither of you having made a move to scramble apart once your breathing returned to normal. At his admission, you relaxed into him fully, taking his free hand in yours.

Before you knew it, you were asleep once more, dreamless and deep, held safe and secure in the warmth of Joel’s embrace.

previous | next

The Gates of Jackson | Joel Miller x F!Reader | Chapter 4 - Daybreak

masterlist | ao3 | follow @youwouldntdownloadapizza and turn on notifications for updates

You showed up at the gates of Jackson with hands covered in blood and no memory of how you got there. That was two years ago. Since then, you've become Maria's right-hand woman and the person in charge of Jackson's logistical backend. Patrol schedules, inventory—all your purview. When a patrol gone wrong forces you to get to know Joel, memories of your past begin resurfacing—along with their consequences.

previous | next

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

rating: 18+, minors DNI

word count: 1.0k

tags: no use of y/n, eventual smut, no beta we die like sarah, jackson era, other additional tags to be added, slow burn, ellie needs a hug, joel lives, good parent joel, reader-insert, reader insert, forced proximity, only one bed trope, nightmares, childbirth, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, soft joel, cuddling & snuggling, fluff, masturbation, pining, joel falls first, possibly demisexual reader (tbd), ptsd, ptsd flashbacks, panic attacks, amnesia, sexual braiding

chapter warnings: masturbation (m)

Chapter 4 - Daybreak

The first time Joel met you, he imagined you smelled like daisies. He couldn’t be sure, of course. He never got close enough to tell. But in his head, you smelled like them. He was sure of it.

The second time Joel met you, he was even more certain. There was a daisy tucked behind your ear, for Pete’s sake.

The third time he met you, you smelled like hay. That was to be expected, you’d come straight to the dining hall from the stables. But he still reckoned it covered up daisies.

Last night Joel dreamt of different flowers: dandelions. His brain brought him back to a hike he’d gone on with Sarah years ago, up in the mountains where they’d found a huge patch of the yellow sprouts and he’d taught her to make flower crowns. She was better at it than he was, her nimble fingers and natural talent for handicrafts far outpacing his own skills. Still, she wore the crown he made for her like it was a damn tiara. He didn’t have the heart to tell her they were technically weeds.

Joel woke with a smile. He was warm, and cozy, and the haze of sleep soothed his weary soul. His eyes were dry and a little crusty. His mouth tasted vaguely like spaghetti sauce. And the world smelled like daisies.

Daisies.

He opened his eyes with a start, struggling not to make a sudden movement and startle you awake. His nose was buried in your hair, and he wasn’t sure whether the scent of daisies was coming from your shampoo or your laundry detergent or if it was just you , but he didn’t care.

Because he was right. And if Joel Miller loved anything, it was being fucking right.

Despite the vindication, he felt conflicted. Joel wasn’t exactly in the habit of curling up with patrol partners when they’d had a bad dream. This was a dangerous precedent to set.

You rolled over in your sleep, cuddling closer against him. The resulting friction informed him that he was painfully, embarrassingly hard.

Fuck, Joel thought to himself. He had to figure out a way to… deal with this without waking you up. He didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or objectified. He knew it was just a reflex—he was sleeping, he couldn’t control it. But it made him feel like a stupid, horny teenager all over again.

Careful not to wake you, he slipped out of bed. Tiptoeing to the door, he let himself out quietly.

He snuck around back, leaning up against the woodshed. When he glanced up at the treeline, though, he found Bailey and Chestnut staring him down.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he panted, breath fogging up in the early morning chill.

He ducked around to the other side of the shed and freed himself from his jeans. 

It wasn’t you, he thought to himself. It couldn’t be you. It was just a warm body and a soft bed and the fact that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been that close in that way to anybody at all.

He thumbed over his slit, wiping away the bead of precum that wept from his tip. What would you feel like? He wondered, stroking faster. Probably soft, and warm, and wonderful. He was close just thinking about it.

“Stop it,” he smacked himself across the face, struggling to catch his breath. The motion just reminded him of the sore mark you’d left behind last night. Evidence of your touch, evidence of your skin on his.

He came into the dirt a second later. Kicking some loose soil over it and tucking himself away, he looked up to see the first rays of sunrise peeking over the mountaintops. The rays caught on the water in such a way that it seemed to turn to liquid gold before his eyes. 

“Wake up,” Joel shook your shoulder gently.

“Mmm,” you groaned. “What time is it?”

“Don’t matter,” he dragged you out of bed by the hand, guiding your arms into the sleeves of your puffer jacket. “You need to see this.”

By the time you made it outside, all you saw was gray. Clouds had covered up the sunrise, and Joel felt like a fucking fool.

“What am I looking at, exactly?” you asked with a yawn.

Joel frowned, genuinely disappointed the stunning vista had disappeared so quickly. There was so little beauty left in this world. He hated the idea of anyone missing out on what remained.

“Nothing,” he muttered. “It’s gone.”

Breakfast was a quiet affair that morning, the two of you sat huddled around the fireplace like the night before.

“Do beans count as breakfast?” you asked as he took a bite from a can of the refried stuff.

“It’s a fast. I’m breaking it. I’d say it counts.”

You chewed silently for a few moments. Your peaches would have been fine straight out of the can, but Joel had still heated them in the coals. You were grateful for it; they warmed you from the inside.

“We should head up to the fire lookout,” you said. “It’s the highest point on this ridge. If we can find a path uphill, we’ll reach it eventually. I should be able to plot a return route from there.”

He nodded. “I saw an old trailhead when I was out back earlier. Doubt it’s been maintained since well before the outbreak, but it’s a start.”

You nodded in agreement, sprinkling some granola on your peaches.

“Why were you out back earlier?”

Joel’s eyes went wide for a second before he managed to school his expression. 

“Needed to…grab some wood.”

“There’s plenty of wood in here, Joel.”

“We went through a lot last night,” he said, doing his best to sound authoritative. “It would be rude not to replace it.”

You chuckled at that. “Glad to know even in the apocalypse, chivalry’s not dead.”

previous | next

The Gates of Jackson | Joel Miller x F!Reader | Chapter 5 - The Lookout Tower

masterlist | ao3 | follow @youwouldntdownloadapizza and turn on notifications for updates

You showed up at the gates of Jackson with hands covered in blood and no memory of how you got there. That was two years ago. Since then, you've become Maria's right-hand woman and the person in charge of Jackson's logistical backend. Patrol schedules, inventory—all your purview. When a patrol gone wrong forces you to get to know Joel, memories of your past begin resurfacing—along with their consequences.

previous | next

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

rating: 18+, minors DNI

word count: 1.6k

tags: no use of y/n, eventual smut, no beta we die like sarah, jackson era, other additional tags to be added, slow burn, ellie needs a hug, joel lives, good parent joel, reader-insert, reader insert, forced proximity, only one bed trope, nightmares, childbirth, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, soft joel, cuddling & snuggling, fluff, masturbation, pining, joel falls first, possibly demisexual reader (tbd), ptsd, ptsd flashbacks, panic attacks, amnesia, sexual braiding

chapter warnings: childbirth (mentioned)

Chapter 5 - The Lookout Tower

The trailhead proved useful, sloping gently downwards for a while before bringing you to the base of a long series of switchbacks. You couldn’t see the lookout tower, but the path led uphill. And uphill was the right direction.

Joel was quiet as you made your way up the twisting path. You were starting to think that was just his natural state when he spoke up.

“About last night…” he started. You didn’t let him finish.

“It never happened.” You offered him a reassuring smile over your shoulder. “I appreciate it. But I don’t…expect anything. From you.”

He looked like he wanted to say more, but didn’t. He just nodded, looking down at the path in front of him. You felt bad, cutting him off like that.

“How are Ellie’s shoes holding up?” you asked.

“They’re good,” he nodded. “Very flashy.”

You pulled your horse to a halt, whipping around to look at him. 

“Joel Miller, was that a pun ?”

He looked like a deer in headlights.

“Don’t tell Ellie.”

The rest of the trek passed easily, the conversation light. You talked about your lives before the outbreak, at least the parts that didn’t hurt to discuss.

He’d worked in construction, he told you. He built houses, and liked it well enough. You tried asking him about his life outside of work, but he kept redirecting the conversation back to you. You didn’t push him on it.

You told him of your own life—that you’d been 18 when the outbreak hit, and had just started college in Colorado when a bout of homesickness brought you home to Salt Lake City for the weekend. You’d been there ever since. Well, until Jackson, that is.

“What was your major?” he asked you.

You sighed wistfully at the memory of your 18-year-old self, whose future had gone up in spores.

“Undeclared.”

Joel let out a low hum of understanding. You heard the soft sound of his lips parting as if to say more, but no words followed.

You forged ahead.

After a while, the switchbacks spat you out at the base of a tall wooden tower supported by beams far rustier than you’d anticipated.

“We’ll get tetanus if we try to climb that thing,” you said.

“Might have a point there,” he agreed.

While you tethered the horses to a tree, Joel circled the base of the tower, looking for a way up.

“There,” he pointed to the collapsed balcony on one side. “The railing’s out. I’ll boost you up, then you can drop down a ladder or something.”

You crossed your arms, nodding.

“How does that work, exactly?”

He quirked a smile. “You’ve never been boosted?”

“Not that I can recall.”

“It’s simple,” he said, squatting beneath the access point and interlacing his fingers. He held them out in front of him, creating a sort of foothold. “One foot goes here, then one on my shoulder, then I stand up and give you a boost.”

“That sounds wildly unsafe.”

“You just have to trust me. I won’t let you fall, I promise. Just use the momentum and push yourself up like you’re getting out of a swimming pool.”

“And Ellie does this?”

“All the time.”

“Fine,” you nodded, stepping towards him. He met your eyes, then assumed the position. You stepped into his hands, then on his shoulder, and next thing you knew you were pulling yourself up onto the balcony.

You looked back down at Joel, who gave you a patronizing smile and two thumbs up. 

“Nice job, sweetheart.”

You flipped him off, and went to find something for him to climb on.

The place was sparsely decorated, with a cot against one wall and a large map spread across a central table. Waist-height wooden walls bordered the small square room, with windows spanning the remaining gap to the ceiling.

A coil of rope sat atop a strange wooden stool with each leg placed in what appeared to be a water glass, the liquid long since evaporated. Thick knots were tied at one-foot increments, clearly meant for climbing.

You secured the rope to a metal bracket protruding from the outside wall and dropped the loose end over the edge to Joel.

“Here,” you called out to him. “Climb on up.”

You continued your inspection of the place, opening drawers to find little more than dusty old clothes and files from before the outbreak. In the top drawer of what appeared to be a dresser, however, you found a threadbare plushie. Not a lion, or a tiger, or a bear. 

But a rat.

You wailed, dropping the thing like it just bit you.

“Doe!” Joel called up.

You couldn't hear him. You couldn't hear anything. You were frozen to the spot, memories flashing through your mind at breakneck speed. Memories of nightmares like the one you'd had last night.

Over and over and over again, you watched your sister die. Watched as she was mauled by clickers, shot by raiders, hanged by FEDRA for breaking some arbitrary rule.

Joel shouted your name again, but there was no response.

“Dammit,” he muttered, taking the rope in his hands and beginning to climb. He made it about five feet off the ground before the bracket snapped under his weight, the bolts giving way and dropping him on his ass.

He got to his feet quickly, assessing the situation. He wasn't sure what was going on with you, there was no sound of a struggle so he doubted you were hurt. Maybe something had startled you? He couldn't tell for certain without being there himself.

He pulled thick leather gloves from his pack, and risked the rusty scaffolding. Pulling himself up over the railing, he entered the tower to see you sitting on the edge of the cot, silent tears spilling down your cheeks while your eyes stared out into nothingness.

Pulling off his gloves, he got down on his knees before you. He put a hand on your knee, shaking you gently in an attempt to snap you out of it. It didn't work.

“Doe, what's wrong?” He asked gently.

His words caught your attention, but the only explanation you could offer was the rat plushie held gingerly in your hands. He took it, looking the scraggly thing over.

“I don't understand,” he said.

“My sister,” you said quietly. “She was here.”

He sat next to you, both of your gazes fixed firmly on the toy rodent.

“Were you separated?” He asked. 

You shook your head. “She's dead.”

“How?” The question slipped out before he could stop it. Joel winced at the rude inquiry, but it didn't seem to faze you.

“That's the thing,” you smiled dejectedly. “I don't remember.”

The two of you sat in silence for a long while, you not offering up any additional information and Joel not coaxing it out of you.

“I–” he started, just as you rose to your feet.

“We should go,” you cut him off, crossing to the map that sat atop the large central table.

Joel nodded, joining you.

The map showed Jackson and the surrounding mountains, with the lookout tower marked with what appeared to be a gold star sticker like the kind your first grade teacher used to give out. You pulled a compass from your pack, aligning it with the one on the map, and pointed ahead and slightly to your right.

“The lodge is that way.”

previous | next

The Gates of Jackson | Joel Miller x F!Reader | Chapter 6 - The Lodge

masterlist | ao3 | follow @youwouldntdownloadapizza and turn on notifications for updates

You showed up at the gates of Jackson with hands covered in blood and no memory of how you got there. That was two years ago. Since then, you've become Maria's right-hand woman and the person in charge of Jackson's logistical backend. Patrol schedules, inventory—all your purview. When a patrol gone wrong forces you to get to know Joel, memories of your past begin resurfacing—along with their consequences.

previous | next

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

rating: 18+, minors DNI

word count: 1.1k

tags: no use of y/n, eventual smut, no beta we die like sarah, jackson era, other additional tags to be added, slow burn, ellie needs a hug, joel lives, good parent joel, reader-insert, reader insert, forced proximity, only one bed trope, nightmares, childbirth, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, soft joel, cuddling & snuggling, fluff, masturbation, pining, joel falls first, possibly demisexual reader (tbd), ptsd, ptsd flashbacks, panic attacks, amnesia, sexual braiding

Chapter 6 - The Lodge

A light rain had begun to fall by the time you reached the lodge. The dirt trail quickly turned to mud, and the horses’ hooves squelched with every step. You braced yourself, sliding off Bailey’s back and landing in the stuff with a resolute plop . 

Though you’d had the foresight to waterproof your boots, water and mud were two very different beasts. You’d probably be scrubbing dirt out of your laces for a good long while once you got home. Which at this rate felt like it may not happen until well after you died of old age.

Sodden and starving, you tethered Bailey to a post and approached the front porch.

“More breaking and entering?” Joel asked as you crouched to a squat before the door.

“Nope.” You flipped up the corner of the doormat to reveal a hidden key. “Consider us lodge-sitters.”

“Aren’t you worried about break-ins?” Joel asked.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Joel, but this region isn’t exactly overflowing with people. And if any do find this place…” You trailed off as you slid the key in the lock, glancing up to meet his eyes. “Well, has a locked door ever stopped you?”

Before he could answer, you pushed through the door and stepped into the mercifully well-insulated structure.

The place was pretty bare-bones, with empty storage shelves built into one wall and a threadbare couch pushed up against another. The worn-down dregs of what had once been carpet covered the concrete subfloor here and there.

Despite it all, the sofa beckoned. You sank into it, backpack sandwiched between you and the rear cushions, and sighed.

Then Joel had the audacity to block your light.

“Can I help you?” you asked, opening one eye to glare up at him.

“What’s the plan?”

“Logbook. Linner. Leave.” You counted out the steps of your incredibly thorough plan on frozen fingertips.

“Linner?”

“We’re well past lunchtime. Not quite to dinner. It’s linner, the brunch of the afternoon.”

“That is so goddamn stupid.”

Even with your eyes closed, you could hear the smile in his voice. That is so goddamn adorable .

Joel trailed off towards the only other thing in the room, an old podium atop which rested the dusty, leather-bound logbook. A clicky pen sat nestled between the pages, bearing words he’d never expected to read again, let alone here:

Dr. Neil Henry, DDS - Austin Community Dentistry

He laughed, holding up the pen to show you.

“You know this used to be my dentist, back in Austin?”

“Did it now?” You smirked.

“Dr. Henry. Always used to nag me about flossin’,” he reminisced.

“Did it work?”

“No,” he chuckled. “Not ‘till after the outbreak, anyhow. No one’s around to give you a root canal nowadays. I’d rather not need one.”

“Fair point,” you said, well aware of the hypocrisy as you gnawed on an extraordinarily tough chunk of jerky. 

Your eyes swept the stunning vista visible through the lodge’s massive windows. They reminded you of the ones in your office, and in the lookout tower. There was something about them that put you at ease, which made no sense whatsoever. They were glass, and not even particularly thick glass at that. Much like life before the outbreak, they were an illusion of security at best.

But still, you liked them.

Joel followed your gaze, and his breath caught in his throat at the view. It was beautiful. Not quite as magnificent as this morning’s sunrise had been, but still breathtaking.

“Wow,” he whispered.

“Pretty, huh?” you answered without looking back.

“It’s like a screensaver. Or a wallpaper or somethin’.” Joel mused, eyes wide in awe.

“Hmm,” you mused. “Mine used to be a picture of the Great Wall of China.”

“Why’s that?”

“It was the default,” you sighed, picking out the raisins from your trail mix. “But also I’ve always thought ruins were cool as shit.”

“Plenty of those to be had nowadays,” he said.

“Too many, if you ask me.”

You both chewed in silence for a minute, watching the birds coming home from their winter vacations.

“You know Eugene leaves jokes in here?” Joel broke the silence.

“I did.”

“You hear his latest?”

“Hit me with it.”

“Alright,” Joel turned to face you, smile wide. “What do we want? Low-flying planes! When do we want ‘em? Nyeowwww.” He mimed a plane diving with his finger, eliciting a chuckle from you.

“That’s one of his better jokes.”

“Yeah, the man’s no Will Livingston.”

You smiled. You were intimately familiar with Livingston’s work, ever since Ellie decided to thank you for her new light-up sneakers with a selection of the punster’s greatest hits.

There was no need for a security sweep after you’d finished eating. The whole place was only a couple of rooms, and you’d already checked the perimeter before entering.

“Go get the horses ready,” you instructed. “I’ll finish up here.”

You scribbled your report in the logbook and tucked away the remnants of linner, swinging your pack over your shoulders before taking one last look at the view.

It was golden hour, and the sun hit the clouds in a way that transcended any screensaver comparison. It was as if you’d been granted a glimpse of heaven itself.

* * *

You watched from the porch as Joel took a drink from his canteen. The way his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, the chiseled scruff of his jawline–from an objective standpoint, the man certainly had a rugged charm to him. But he was far from the only cowboy type in Jackson. And this was far from your first rodeo.

As Joel tucked the canteen away, he remembered the outside pocket of his pack. It held loose bullets and some of Ellie’s hair ties, but most importantly, it held a ballpoint pen.

As he heard you turn the key in the lock, he called out. 

“Hang on! I forgot something.”

Unlocking the door once more, you ushered Joel inside.

He jogged over to the logbook with his offering, swiftly swapping it out for the one with a touch of home. He was halfway to the door when his brain caught up with his eyes and he turned on the spot to inspect your logbook entry.

All clear, no signs of raiders or infected.

It wasn’t the description that jarred him. It was the names. His, of course, was transcribed in loopy cursive, the standard, un-misspell-able ‘Joel Miller’. Beside it was a nickname–no, a last name –preceded by a first name that brought everything into focus:

Jane Doe.

previous | next

chapter notes:

New chapter! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for the long gap between updates, life has been cray.

Big Jane Doe reveal oooh!!! I would never blatantly rip off Yearling like that don't worry!!!!!!!!!! @justagalwhowrites BIG FAN THO

Curious to hear everyone's thoughts on this chapter and what's coming next, I legit have been planning out this whole fic with a very elaborate color-coded notecards-on-corkboard setup (I am, in fact, a virgo). So more fun stuff coming hopefully sooner rather than later.

Comments make me type faster!

Love you all so much, and thank you for reading! I got really creatively blocked during the writers' strike and getting back into fanfic writing has been incredibly healing. Grateful for you all.

taglist: @aspecialgreenie

The Gates of Jackson | Joel Miller x F!Reader | Chapter 7 - Homecoming

masterlist | ao3 | follow @youwouldntdownloadapizza and turn on notifications for updates

You showed up at the gates of Jackson with hands covered in blood and no memory of how you got there. That was two years ago. Since then, you've become Maria's right-hand woman and the person in charge of Jackson's logistical backend. Patrol schedules, inventory—all your purview. When a patrol gone wrong forces you to get to know Joel, memories of your past begin resurfacing—along with their consequences.

previous | next

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

rating: 18+, minors DNI

word count: 1.5k

tags: no use of y/n, eventual smut, no beta we die like sarah, jackson era, other additional tags to be added, slow burn, ellie needs a hug, joel lives, good parent joel, reader-insert, reader insert, forced proximity, only one bed trope, nightmares, childbirth, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, soft joel, cuddling & snuggling, fluff, masturbation, pining, joel falls first, possibly demisexual reader (tbd), ptsd, ptsd flashbacks, panic attacks, amnesia, sexual braiding

Chapter 7 - Homecoming

“Slow down!” You shouted as you trailed behind Joel’s horse.

His dark-brown mare stepped effortlessly over puddles and swerved gracefully around patches of loose dirt. Your smaller, more cautious horse struggled to keep up.

“Can’t. Sorry, Doe,” He called back over his shoulder.

“Why the hell not?”

He continued down the trail with a grunt, leaving your unanswered question hanging in the air. The wind quickly swept it away. It was picking up as you headed back towards Jackson. You made a mental note to schedule a maintenance crew to check for weak spots in the fence once it passed.

Loose hairs clouded your vision as a particularly strong gust swept through. You undid your braid and twisted your locks up into a bun. You wrapped the elastic once, twice, until–

SNAP!

You tossed your head back with a groan. “Oh, come on!”

You shoved the broken hair tie in your pocket and nudged Bailey forward down a path that was beginning to feel a lot more like an obstacle course than a trail.

Joel was waiting for you as you rounded the corner.

“I thought you were in a hurry.”

He ran his fingers through his hair. Much like yours, it was a wind-tousled mess.

“I am. It’s just–”

He gestured towards the fork in the trail before him. You smirked.

“Ever heard of a map, Miller?”

“We left it at the lookout tower.”

You nodded. “True. But I keep an extra right here.” You tapped your forehead for emphasis, and he gave you an eye roll that rivaled one of Ellie’s.

“I meant a paper one, not a mental one.”

You pointed out a stack of rocks set off to one side, a few paces down the left-hand path.

“See that tall pile of stones?”

He nodded.

“Maps are hard to come by around here unless we make them ourselves. For patrols closer to Jackson, we use stone cairns to mark pathways. If you ever get lost, they’ll lead you back home every time.”

Joel pursed his lips in a subtle sign of approval. “Clever. I’ll let Ellie know, in case she needs it someday.”

You offered a soft smile, then led the way down the cairn-marked trail back towards Jackson.

Perhaps that’s why he’s in such a hurry , you realized. He’s worried about Ellie.

You looked back over your shoulder, and your heart clenched at the concern so apparent on his worn features.

Your voice was gentle as you spoke. “I’m sure she’s fine, you know.”

“That’s none of your concern,” he bristled.

The words weren’t particularly harsh, but they caught you off guard. You couldn’t help but flinch as if you’d been struck by a fist instead of a statement.

“Sorry,” you muttered.

You traveled in silence after that. The wind picked up as evening took hold, and it was a struggle to keep your hair out of your face. You tried twisting it up into a knot, tucking the ends into the coil to hold it in place, but it fell out every time. Then you tried pulling your hood over your head, but that limited your peripheral vision too much. So you tried braiding it, but you’d never been any good without a mirror.

“Quit futzin’ with it,” Joel sighed, pulling his horse to a stop.

You followed suit, turning to face him.

He just looked at you, hand outstretched. “Get down.”

His expression was equal parts insistence and annoyance. You let him help you down, and your breath caught in your throat as he spun you around.

“What are you–”

“Relax,” he drawled. “I’m fixing your hair. You can’t have it flyin’ around in this wind. If we hit trouble, you need to be able to see.”

“I know. I don’t have a hair tie, though.”

He reached into his saddlebag and retrieved one. “Good thing I do, then.”

“Why do you have a hair tie?”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Why do you think?”

You clenched your eyes shut as you realized the painfully obvious answer.

“Ellie.”

“Bingo.”

A shiver ran down your spine as he brushed through your hair with his fingers, gently detangling the pesky, persistent knots. He separated it into three sections and began to braid.

“Ellie usually wears her hair in a ponytail. When did you learn how to braid?”

He let out a soft huff of air. You couldn’t tell without looking at him whether it was one of pain or wistful recollection.

“Long time ago. Even longer story.”

You swallowed, unsure how to respond. You let his answer be enough, and closed your eyes as he finished your braid. His hands were sturdy, yet kind. He didn’t pull on your hair out of frustration like your mother once had. His breath just barely tickled the tops of your ears as he worked, but it was there, warm and steady. Just like with everything else, Joel knew what he was doing.

You jumped when he patted your shoulder a minute later.

“All done. Let’s skedaddle.”

It took you a moment to return to yourself. Despite your better judgment, you had found yourself lost in the sensation of Joel’s touch.

“I hate that word,” you muttered as you swung your leg over the saddle, settling into place on Bailey’s back.

“What would you suggest instead, then?” He asked.

You panicked. “Uhhh…boogie?”

He barked a laugh. “That is so much worse. But fine, let’s boogie.”

So boogie you did. Thankfully once you rounded the bend, the trail opened up and you were able to walk side by side. You swept the braid over your shoulder and paused to feel it. It was silky smooth, not a hair out of place. It was perfect, practiced. You were grateful for it.

As you reached the base of the foothills, the far-off lights of Jackson came into view. Floodlights illuminated the main gate and key communal areas, with twinkle lights strung above the main thoroughfare. Firelight flickered through house windows, and you could feel the warmth from here. This place, more so than any you’d ever experienced, felt like home.

Joel peered over the edge of the meandering path that led down to the main gates. You were only a few miles off now.

“Looks like someone cleared that rubble,” he remarked.

“That would be Mike and Casey. Those two are a veritable dream team.”

“How’d they know it was there?” he asked.

You pulled the walkie-talkie from its holster at your hip and held it aloft in answer. “Long-range radio. It’s been an ongoing effort with spotty results, but the improvements to patrol safety are undeniable.”

Joel stared at you. “You jerry-rigged the walkies? I thought that was a satellite radio or something. Not that many of those work anymore.”

“Took a while, but yeah. Why do you think Maria put me in charge of all the unglamorous backend stuff? In a place like Jackson, problems are doomed to arise. I like solving them before they pose a threat to our survival.”

He eyed you curiously. “You take this real serious, don’t you?”

You replied with a curt nod, “I do.”

***

The gates swung open as you approached, the green ‘all clear’ flag held high above your head in a tight grip.

You let out a sigh as it closed behind you, sliding off Bailey’s back and rolling your shoulders as the innate stress of being outside the walls retreated at last.

“Good patrol,” Joel spoke from behind you.

You turned to see his hand outstretched. You hesitated, then took it.

His skin was rough against yours, weathered by years of hard labor and reluctant adventure. His grip was firm but gentle. Then, with a squeeze, it was gone.

“Good patrol,” you muttered, taking Chestnut’s reins from his other hand and passing both horses off to the waiting stable hand.

He cocked his head towards the houses. “You comin’?”

You arched an eyebrow. “Coming where?”

“To meet the baby.”

Ba-bum. Ba-bum. Ba-bum.

Your heart thumped in your chest, the pace quickening for a reason you couldn’t quite pinpoint. It was the same instinct that had led you out on patrol instead of to the clinic when Maria had gone into labor. You wished you could articulate what it was about childbirth that sent you into such a panic. But much like those mysterious years between Salt Lake and Jackson, you kept coming up blank.

Joel’s brow furrowed with concern as he took in your wide, terrified eyes.

“Doe?”

You snapped out of it as your eyes met his, but you couldn’t push the fear aside. You couldn’t stomach it, not tonight, not after everything that had happened at the lookout tower. Maria was your best friend. Surely she’d understand if you stopped by tomorrow instead.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure–”

You snapped. “I said I’m fine .”

You turned to leave, but paused as you added, “Tell Tommy and Maria congrats for me.”

Joel stepped around you, blocking your path. “Tell them yourself.”

You shot him a piercing look and pushed past him with more force than was probably necessary. He stumbled, taken aback.

Your voice dripped with venom as you got the last word.

“Goodnight, Joel.”

previous | next

taglist: @aspecialgreenie

The Gates of Jackson | Joel Miller x F!Reader | Chapter 8 - Locked Out

masterlist | ao3 | follow @youwouldntdownloadapizza and turn on notifications for updates

You showed up at the gates of Jackson with hands covered in blood and no memory of how you got there. That was two years ago. Since then, you've become Maria's right-hand woman and the person in charge of Jackson's logistical backend. Patrol schedules, inventory—all your purview. When a patrol gone wrong forces you to get to know Joel, memories of your past begin resurfacing—along with their consequences.

previous | next

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

rating: 18+, minors DNI

word count: 1.5k

tags: no use of y/n, eventual smut, no beta we die like sarah, jackson era, other additional tags to be added, slow burn, ellie needs a hug, joel lives, good parent joel, reader-insert, reader insert, forced proximity, only one bed trope, nightmares, childbirth, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, soft joel, cuddling & snuggling, fluff, masturbation, pining, joel falls first, possibly demisexual reader (tbd), ptsd, ptsd flashbacks, panic attacks, amnesia, sexual braiding

Chapter 8 - Locked Out

Few things about post-outbreak life had come easy to Joel, but one thing he never struggled with was silence. He was a man of few words, he relished in solitude, and his years as a father made him excellent at moving quietly. While he’d developed that skill to avoid waking Sarah as an infant, it also proved useful for avoiding Infected. He never thought he’d get another chance to use his light tread for anything other than survival, but here he was. Carefully climbing the creaky wooden steps to his brother’s front door, stepping over the squeakiest one he’d been meaning to fix for ages now.

Knock! Knock!

Joel rapped softly on the warm oak door, just loud enough to announce his presence without risking a screaming baby.

Tommy answered a moment later.

“You look like shit,” Joel cracked an amused smile. Tommy had said something similar the first time he’d greeted Joel after Sarah was born.

“Gee, thanks,” Tommy rolled his eyes. He stepped backward, holding the door to usher Joel inside. He hung his filthy patrol jacket on a peg and turned to take it all in.

It was as if a tornado had swept through. Dirty dishes were scattered across every horizontal surface but the floor, and the burp cloth situation wasn’t much better. By the looks of it, Maria was currently making do with a bath mat.

A smile crept across his lips as the baby finally spit up and then descended into soft, easy snores. It was peaceful in the way only small children could be.

“Congratulations,” he said softly, patting his brother on the back far more gently than Tommy had when he’d been freshly uncled.

“Thanks, Joel,” Tommy smiled. There was exhaustion in his eyes, but also a familiar, joyful satisfaction Joel recognized. It was the look of a father.

“Fatherhood suits you, you know.”

“You think?” Tommy asked.

Joel nodded. “I know.”

Maria chimed in from across the room. “You wanna meet her?”

Joel beamed. “Can I?”

Maria nodded, and he crossed to where she stood beside the fireplace. She jutted her chin toward the couch, and he took a seat in his usual spot.

“She’s beautiful,” he whispered as Maria placed the sleeping babe in his outstretched arms.

It didn’t look right, all his wrinkles and scars and gray hair against such pure, unbridled innocence. He didn’t expect the tears that slipped down his cheeks as he beheld her.

Tommy came to stand behind him, watching with newfound respect for his brother as he met his niece for the first time.

“What’s her name?” Joel asked.

Tommy looked at Maria. She nodded, giving him silent permission to proceed.

“Margaret Sarah Miller. Maggie for short.”

Tommy wasn’t sure what he saw in Joel’s eyes as his head snapped to look at him. All he knew was there were tears and something undeniably raw in there. It moved him.

“Maggie, like our mom Maggie?” He asked.

Tommy nodded.

“Yeah,” he said. “And Sarah, like your daughter.”

Joel rolled his eyes through the tears. “Well, yeah, I got that part.”

Maria barked a laugh, and Tommy couldn’t help but follow suit. Joel of all people giggled, and then before they knew it little Maggie was opening her eyes. Her skin was dark like her mother’s, but her eyes—those were Miller eyes. It wasn’t the color that confirmed it, but the tenacity within them. The spark. The wildness that would forever refuse to be tamed.

“She’s gonna be trouble, this one,” Joel mused. “No doubt about it.”

Tommy chuckled. “Well, she’s got Ellie as a big cousin. I’d expect nothing less.”

Joel smiled wistfully. “I’ll have to get her over here tomorrow or the next day. We’ll help clean up so the two of you can get some rest. Would’ve been by sooner, but patrol ran long.”

“Speaking of which,” Maria chimed in, retrieving the baby from Joel to bounce on her hip. “Where’s Doe? I figured she’d be with you.”

Joel’s smile fell then. He still couldn’t make heads or tails of the way you’d stormed off earlier. He sure as shit didn’t know how to explain it to Tommy and Maria.

So he gave them a total non-answer.

“I’m not sure,” he shrugged. “Probably went to bed. It was a long patrol, I’m sure she’s tired.”

Maria cocked an eyebrow at the lame excuse. “Too tired to meet her niece?

* * *

Bang! Bang! Bang!

You awoke to the sound of thuds on your front door.

What now? You thought to yourself as you sat upright, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

“Doe, open up. I know you’re in there,” a gruff male voice called out to you.

Joel. What the fuck does he want?

You rose from your nest of blankets on the futon and padded towards the door in your slippers, stepping over the piles of dirty laundry that littered your floor.

It got like this, sometimes. You tried to keep things under control, but life had a way of thwarting that endeavor at every available opportunity. You shoved the clutter out of view as best you could and opened the door a crack.

“What?” You eyed him through the opening.

He was dressed casually, a light brown t-shirt giving way to denim down below. He was sweaty, and his hair was mussed. And the look he was giving you, when paired with crossed arms, was downright murderous.

“Office doesn’t open ‘till eight.”

“It’s ten-thirty,” he said, his voice rife with exasperation.

Shit, you winced. I can’t believe I overslept by that much.

You sighed, then opened the door a bit more. Your outfit was messy, but nothing out of the ordinary for pajamas.

“How can I help you, Joel?”

“Wanna tell me why Tommy says you still haven’t been by to see Maria? You’ve been back three days, Doe. She had the baby damn near a week ago. What gives?”

You didn’t know what to say. You’d never been one for excuses, but they were particularly elusive now. You broke eye contact, instead opting to try your hand at staring a hole through the corrugated metal outside your door. It didn’t work. 

Joel reached forward and grabbed the door handle, yanking it open to expose you to the fresh morning air and bright sunlight that hurt your unprepared eyes. You stepped forward quickly, shutting the door behind you before Joel could get a good look at the depression pit formerly known as your office.

“I’m not leaving until you give me an answer,” Joel drawled.

You leaned back against the door and looked up at him with a frown. “You weren’t this mean back at the fire tower.”

“That was different. You needed coddlin’.”

“Who’s to say I don’t need coddling now? You don’t know me. You don’t know my life.”

“That’s the problem.” Joel dropped his hands to his sides. “I don’t know. Because you won’t tell me.”

“You assume there’s something to tell. There’s not.”

“What, cause you got amnesia or somethin’? I saw how you signed your name in the logbook. Either you’ve got real shit taste in aliases or there’s something more going on here.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line. “That’s private.”

“Clearly,” he spat. “Just tell me, are you planning on ignoring her forever, or are you gonna get your ass over there and go meet your niece?”

“That’s not my niece.”

“Maria begs to differ.”

Your eyebrows shot upward, and Joel seized the opportunity to continue.

“You’re her best friend. Her right-hand woman around here. She thinks of you as a sister, Doe.”

Something seized in your gut. “I don’t have a sister. Not anymore.”

You reached for the door handle and pulled, but–

“Fuck.”

It wouldn’t budge. Your heart rate picked up. You resisted the urge to vomit.

You pushed past Joel and scanned the flat expanse between the base of the building and the large wooden gates that enclosed the community you’d dedicated yourself to protecting. It was busy this time of day, but there was one person in particular you were looking for. You spotted her by the stables.

“Casey! Hey!” You waved your arms over your head to catch her attention.

“Doe? What’s wrong?”

You jutted a thumb over your shoulder. “Got locked out again.”

She sighed. “That’s the third time this month, dude. You gotta get a doorstop or something.”

“I know. Sorry,” you called down as she stopped beneath the wraparound balcony that surrounded your small office perch.

She tossed the spare up, but before you could catch it, a hand reached out and snatched it from the air.

“Thanks!” Joel called down to Casey. “I’ll help her get inside.”

“I could’ve caught that, you know.” You scowled, striding back towards the door.

Joel walked right past it and set off down the stairs that led to ground level.

“The fuck—Joel, where are you going?”

“To Tommy and Maria’s. And if you want to get back into that office of yours, you’re coming with me.”

You took a shaky breath. This was so not what you needed right now. You peered through the door's small wire-infused utility window and gazed longingly at your office. Or was it your apartment? You guessed it was technically both, since you slept on the futon. You locked eyes with the crusty rat plushie perched tall atop your mountain of cozy blankets, and whispered a solemn vow.

“I’ll be back for you soon, Ratty. I promise.”

previous | next

taglist: @aspecialgreenie, @guelyury, @amyispxnk, @picketniffler, @hiroikegawa

WHAT YOU SAY GOES, SIR- part 1

A/N- First chapter is not too smutty but you'll see how dom Joel can be and torture the Reader. If you don't like reading this kind of stuff, then you can read my other fluffy fluff imagine for Joel!

Summary- Reader is being a brat when she's at Joel's class and decides to show how she feels for him and test If he feels the same. Turns out that Joel isn't empty for the Reader.

Warnings- Lots of dirty talk, tigh grinding, daddykink , torturing, age difference , prof!Joel

If there was one thing or person that made history class interesting, it would definitely be Mr. Joel Miller. You liked the history lesson a little bit, but the professor who took your class couldn't explain it well. There was no such thing in man's nature. He also seemed like an interesting man. His hair and beard were white and he was lecturing like a scientist.

But then everyone in his class was overjoyed when they heard he was retiring. And that man was replaced by the most handsome and well-behaved man you've ever seen. From the moment he entered the classroom, you couldn't take your eyes off him. When he gave you assignment, you always wanted to go to him and show him the places you couldn't (although you could) and your desire to see him increased with each passing day. But you knew that nothing like this would be possible between you. It was not age. Yes, maybe there was age, of course, but you didn't know if he was married yet. You hadn't seen a ring on his finger and you couldn't have asked him that either, would you?

There was someone in class who caught Mr. Joel Miller's attention, and it was you, but you didn't realize it until he told you. Two weeks after he came, he called you and told you how well you listened to the lesson and you should continue like this, but you were only focused on his eyes and you weren't thinking about anything else. With his back turned, you were watching how he carried his muscular body, how the veins in his hands moved while writing on the board, his facial expressions when talking to someone, everything, hoping not to get caught by him.

You woke up because of that nightmare you had while you were lying in bed unaware that your alarm went off, and when you looked at the clock, you realized you were 10 minutes late for class. Campus was close to your house, so you dressed quickly and left. The tension was heightened when you remembered that your first lesson was with Mr. Joel Miller as you quickened his steps every second. Depending on his mood, he sometimes took the latecomers, but sometimes he was unforgiving. Hoping that his mood is good and that he doesn't turn you away, you walked through the door and ran down the hallway to the classroom. You were out of breath when you came to the door of the classroom, but that didn't stop you from knocking. When you opened the door, all eyes were on you, including Joel. You felt the need to look around, but you had to explain.

''Sir I'm so sorry I'm late I just didn't hear my alarm and somehow it got under my bed very deeply. I really tried to come here as quickly as I can. I'm so ask-" Mr. Miller interrupted your speech, raising his hand and nodding to the benches. You nodded your head in a thank you and sat down. It felt good to see that there was nothing that made him angry or moody today because you've been thinking about how to explain your feelings for him for a long time, but talking in person would be complete nonsense because you weren't sure if he felt anything like that. So there was only one thing you had to do.

After looking around and making sure no one was looking your way, you took the handout and went to Mr. Miller's desk and whispered to him so as not to disturb anyone.

“Sir can you have a look at my paperwork because I think I did some mistakes and I'm not pretty sure what to write to these blanks” He gave you a smile and gestured for you to sit on the empty chair next to him. This is where the event started. You rubbed your legs, which weren't too far anyway, but Mr. Miller didn't quite grasp it, he was too busy staring at his paper. You rubbed longer this time, thinking he didn't understand what you were trying to do. Sensing a stir on his side, Mr. Miller glanced at you and then realized what you were doing. Your heart was beating so fast as if it was going to explode. There was also a sense of rejection and fear of being disgraced. But as Mr. Miller did something unexpected, he leaned into your ear and whispered these words that got you even more excited:

"Look at you. You can't even sit where you are. What do you want me to do, huh? Fuck you when all of your friends are here? Yeah you would want that, wouldn't you pretty girl? “ You nodded yes, but you knew it wasn't serious. To play even more, you put your right leg on top of his left leg and started rubbing against him with your lower area.

Mr. Miller squeaked in dissatisfaction and placed his hand on your leg, looking around. At that moment, with a glance at you, he lowered his leg over yours and stood up. He said that the lesson was over before the lesson was even over, and everyone could disperse. Although it upsets you that he did such a thing when you thought your plan had worked, you quietly took your bag and stood up. Everyone had left by then, but only you and Mr. Miller remained. He walked forward to the door and locked it. You gave him meaningless looks, but he just grinned.

''You think you would get away with this? You know how inappropriate this is? Snuggling to your professor while you're in class and student are here? But you did like this, didn't you?" You focused on his eyes again, and every word he said made his heart race faster. He rushed over to you and took your chin in his strong, muscular hands. He blew his breath into your face, bringing his face close to it, and it made you shiver. You closed your eyes and waited for his next move. You were literally prey in his hands, and you wanted him to eat you.

''But I want an answer sweet girl. Just talk to me. Tell me what you want. You want me to fuck you on this desk until you're begging me to stop? Or do you really deserve it? Nah you definitely do not. First I have to punish you for being such a dirtly little brat that you're hooking up with me in class. Then maybe you can get reward but first you're going to listen to me little one. Understood?” You swallow hard and shake your head, but not satisfied. Clenching your chin between his hand even more, he turned his face to the side and brought his mouth close to your ear, letting a breath out there.

''You know I don't like it when people don't talk so just say it. Let's try it again, Yeah?' You said 'yes sir' in a low voice, but he didn't like it. ''What did you just say? I didn't hear you kitten. What you should say to me?”

The pain underneath was unbearable and you were writhing in his hand. Now, to put an end to this game, his eyes were shining when you said those inviting words by looking into his eyes.

“What you say goes, Sir” With these words, he grabbed your waist and laid you on the table with a lithe motion and made you turn your back. You shivered as the cold table skin touched your skin, but you didn't move.

''Now I want you to say to me how bad do you want this. You gotta earn your reward so behave , yeah? Are you gonna behave little girl? Are you gonna be daddy's kitten? Tell me how bad do you want me to punish you. “ You quickly said the words he wanted with a groan. A whimper came out of your mouth as he grabbed you by the hair and pulled you to him, but it was replaced by the sound of kisses on each other's lips. It was almost like time stopped, everyone disappeared, it was just the two of you, but that didn't change the fact that you were in school. And he left you with a knock on the door reminding you of that, and you looked into the mirror beside the table to tidy up and straightened your hair. When you looked towards the door, Mr. Miller was opening the curtain of the door and there was a knock on the door. Eventually the sound stopped and Mr. Miller had opened the door and was talking to the professor who had knocked on the door.

'' Hey, sorry I was having a private talk with my student and I actually didn't want anyone to interrupt us. We were just leaving. “ After picking up his purse from the table, he took one look at you before leaving and hurried out the door. Taking a deep breath, you went to the bathroom and splashed water on your face before entering the next lesson. What you went through was not easy and everyone could see it if you didn't forget that you did it in a public place .Although your inner voice said that there was no such thing, it was an unacceptable thing. Just as you were coming out of the toilet, you were startled by the message on your phone and you took it out of your bag to read it. It was a number you didn't recognize, but you knew immediately who it was because of what he wrote.

*Meet me outside of campus after your classes are over. I'll take you.*

You read the message at least ten times to make sure you saw it, and each time your excitement grew. You went to your next lesson wishing it would pass quickly and Mr. Miller became the prince of your dreams.

Youngblood

    A/N- Hey ya’ll ! I don’t know If you like my smut fics so please send a feedback. You also can send me requests, don’t be shy <3 

    Warnings-  College!Ellie , Aggressive!Ellie, Dom!Ellie,  Reader is so new to alcohol because of her strict  parents, SMUT, violence, dirty talking. ( Let me know If I missed one )

    Request from- Anonymous 

    Summary- Unable to keep her head up from the lectures, reader reluctantly goes to the bar with Ellie, and after a fight in the bar, something unnoticed begins between them.

      imagine her looking at you across. This girl will be the end of me I swear- 

     Loud music coming from your dormmate's headphones was syncing with the clock on the table and your pen. . Normally you wouldn't be mad at Ellie making such a fuss because you discussed your terms before you were in the same room with each other, even though Ellie didn't even listen to half of what you said. Sometimes you thought you couldn't find a better roommate than her, but you were wrong about that too. You still had respect for each other. But lately, it was as if the old Ellie was gone and replaced by an even more aggressive Ellie.   Every girl could have times like this, and maybe she was doing this because she got very angry with someone in the enemy circle.

  You had a lot of assignment to finish due next week, and you wanted to finish it right away and take some time for yourself and lie on your feet like Ellie. You've never been as comfortable as Ellie because unlike you she never did her own homework, either asking you for help or, to be honest, making you do it. Frankly, she was conquering your heart with a kiss on the cheek, but sometimes you didn't give up on her so quickly.

  Like Ellie, you were very stressed at that time because you thought you couldn't finish your projects, and you couldn't find anything to relieve your stress.   If you tried to say something that would make Ellie even more angry, it would have ended even worse and your friendship might have ended. Ellie wasn't that friendly after all. She would do what’s best, and would not even listen to those who didn’t even make sense to her. Sometimes you couldn't stop questioning yourself. You were saying to yourself, “How did I end up with this girl? ” You could easily find a friend for yourself, but there was a truth that when you saw types like Ellie on the first day of college, all those books you read came to your mind and you said, “Maybe, maybe I can be friends with one of them, like those in the bad girl books “ Ellie was just that kind of girl. Okay, let's not exaggerate, but she looked like she was right out of those books. She was almost a bad girl with tattoos covering almost her entire arm, piercings on her lip and eyebrow, and her aggressiveness made her even more attractive.

  You exhaled sharply, tossed the pen onto the table, leaned back, and tucked your already frozen neck to the sides, cracking it. You push the wheelchair back with your foot and spin yourself towards Ellie. She didn't even care about you. She kept frowning, continuing to listen to the last sound of music. Even though you tried to get her attention by coughing fake once, she still didn’t take his earphones off and didn't even come back to you once.

 You stood up angrily and took off her earphones. She immediately turned towards you and nodded as to  say ‘what are you doing’ . “ We had an agreement, remember? “ Even though she tried to take the headset from you, you didn't allow it and you held it up. Ellie stood up and easily snatched the headset from your hand but you stopped her just as she was about to sit back down and put the headset back on. “Ellie. Are you even listening to me? Because it's obvious that you're not. “ In response, she rolled her eyes. "I'll get out of your hair, don't worry."

  “ What's that supposed to mean? “ She got up and went to her own closet, opened the door of it and searched for a suitable outfit. “ I'm goin' out with Dina and some friends. “ You gasped and cursed at her . “ And you're telling this to me NOW? Look, I've been trying to do my assignments and plus yours, please don't forget that, and you're telling me you're going out after I stress over how I'm gonna make it to due date. You're so annoying sometimes. “

  “What? Are you jealous because I don't go out with you? “ It wasn't even that.   The point was that you did your homework and the lady's homework while she was there playing music loudly . You didn't even understand why you agreed to that in the first place. “It's not even it, Ellie. I- “ “ Then stop being a nerd and come with us, babe. “ she said, interrupting, and slowly coming up to you and taking your hands in hers, but you pulled back. “How? If I don't do these things then my parents will hold my funeral. Only you know how strict they can be Ellie.”  Your parents met Ellie before you settled down in the dormitory and they somehow thought at that moment that she would be a good roommate, but now that If  you told them how Ellie had changed, they would have to rethink the same thing. Yes, and Ellie knew very well how strict parents they were, because every day before college started, they would come to you and ask how you were doing, move the furniture in your room and warn you not to meet bad people before they left. It wouldn't be called a very strict situation, actually, but if you were at home, you were sure that they would be even more strict.

 “ Fuck the assignments. Just have some fun. “ It didn't sound so bad when you thought about it, but you had a family that kept you from thinking about it. Ellie was right. You wouldn't lose a day and you could continue tomorrow.

  “ Fine… Just promise me we'll come back till midnight. I don't wanna carry you here and you know I can't. “ Ellie grinned. It was obvious that she was amused. However, she did not show it and started to look for clothes for herself. She turned her head back towards her right shoulder and looked at you sideways. 

    “ You know, you're so grumpy sometimes. Just like my old man. “

   You were very nervous when you left the dorm and when you looked at Ellie you saw that she was very relaxed unlike you. She was walking ahead of you with her hands in her front pockets. Of course she was comfortable because she was hanging around bars almost every night. You had a question mark in your mind. How could Ellie do all this so fearlessly? You made a mental note to ask this later.

  You arrived quickly as the bar wasn't that far from your dormitory and Dina was waiting right at the door. You didn't even realize it was almost evening until you walked there. It took you a long time to prepare. Dina immediately ran towards you and hugged you both with both of her arms. She had a big smile on her face.

  “Hey guys. Ellie, I thought you couldn't bring Y/N. She  will almost rot at her desk. “ You rolled your eyes at that and said playfully “ Yeah I will because you guys give every single assignment to me for me to do them. “

  Ellie laughed out loud and put her hand on your butt, squeezed it, and pulled it back. There was that mischievous expression on her face as you looked at her in surprise. “Well, she needed a change for a moment,” she said, laughing at Dina and pointing at the bar, “let's get inside, yeah? “

  When you walked in, that unfamiliar smell and sound would almost knock you out. You quickly caught up to Ellie and Dina and grabbed Ellie by her arm. She just grinned at you and went straight to get a drink. You just stood there looking at her feeling bad. Everyone passing by was bumping into you one by one.   When you looked around you felt as if everyone was laughing at you and thinking how dumb you were. Anxiety has never been this high. Suddenly, a strange arm grabbed your arm and pulled you aside to sit on a seat. When you looked at who it was, you saw that it was Jamie, your friend you studied in the same department.

 There was no lie. You had found Jamie very attractive and your hands and feet were almost tangled when you first met, but when you heard from those gossipy girls of the school that he changed lovers like changing socks, you started to feel a little cold towards him.

  As much as you didn't want to talk to her, you had no other choice as Ellie left you just at a time when you needed help the most. You sat down and started chatting but meanwhile you were looking everywhere but Jamie to see where Ellie was.

  At that moment, you realized too late how close he was to you when he was telling you something. He was leaning down to say something, but you weren't even listening to him. All you wanted was to take Ellie and get the fuck out of here.

   Thank God what silenced Jamie was that his friends came to him and sat next to you and him, but that didn't go well. You were stuck there and had no way out.   Even if you wanted to get up, you couldn't get up. His friends were trying to grope you from both sides, and their mouths stink. No matter how much Ellie drank, it wouldn't smell that bad. You hated yourself for comparing them to Ellie in that moment. Ellie was very different from them. Ellie was like no one else. She had always been like herself. You didn't know if it was because you needed her more at that moment or something else, but you realized that you missed Ellie.

  Then you saw Ellie right in front of you, coming towards with her drink in hand.  You tried to stand up again, but one of the dudes pulled you back. “Come on girl. Just sit and relax, will ya? “Ahh, he was sure to regret it later.

  Ellie suddenly threw her glass at one of the boys next to you, whose name you didn't even know. The broken glass on the boy's face had scratches all over his face and it was bleeding badly. You jumped forward to stop Ellie, but to no avail. She pushed you aside with all her might and swept straight towards Jamie with those deadly eyes. She swung his fist violently into his face.

  It was turmoil. While Dina wanted to break up the fight Ellie was showing, she turned to you and checked if you were okay. You didn't even say anything to her. You've been watching Ellie beat Jamie with your mouth open. It wasn't just you.

  Somehow, multiple people rescued Ellie from Jamie's collar and they took her outside with you. The guards were glaring behind you. You didn't care and ran to Ellie. When you took her hands in yours, you saw that her fists were covered in blood. “ Ellie.. You didn't have to do that. “ “ What are you talking about, Y/N?” said and pulled her hands away. “So instead of beating the shit out of him, should I just sit there and watch him hit on you? “ Ellie was extremely drunk. She couldn't even hold her head straight. You called a taxi that was passing by you and forced her into the taxi and you got in after her.

  Finding your keys in your bag was extremely difficult when you entered the dorm, but Ellie preceded you by pulling the bag out of your hand and spilling whatever was inside. “ What are you doing? “ “ What does it look like I'm doing? “ she hissed, “ I'm getting the fucking key. “ She bent down and picked up the key from the floor and entered your shared room without even picking up the stuff.

  You knew tonight was going to end like this. Of course, you didn't think the Jamie thing would happen, but you knew that Ellie would get so drunk that she couldn't stand.. You closed the door of your room without making a sound and threw yourself directly on the bed.

  After Ellie came out of the bathroom, she swayed in front of your bed and began to undress right in front of your eyes. You looked at her with your eyes half-closed, not knowing what to do. Even though you tried to take something out of her behavior today, you still didn't understand. What was even wrong with Ellie these days?

   She undressed herself until only her bra and panties left.. You thought she did that as she was going to sleep, but you were wrong. She came to the edge of your bed and pulled you by the arms quickly and lifted you up. Your stunned body tensed even more as she pulled you towards her. “What-” Ellie immediately caught your lips. She was sucking hard, tugging and kissing passionately. When she pulled back, she didn't say anything. She quickly took off the crop you were wearing and threw it somewhere else in the room. You tried to cover your body with your arms, but Ellie's hands interfered with it.

  “Hey, it's me. “ Then she quickly took off your pants. You stood there not knowing what to do. Why would Ellie do such a thing? She glanced up and down at you and bit her lip. “ Fuck, you're so fucking beautiful babe. “ She grabbed your arms and folded them behind you, threw you face down on the bed and gave you a hard smack on the butt. “ I wanted to smash that man there. Maybe I even wanted to kill him but it was all for you, babygirl. “  She whispered. She took off your panties and rubbed her hand up and down your clit. You squirmed involuntarily and a small groan escaped your mouth. Ellie was pleased with that. She grabbed you by the arms and pulled you closer to her and placed a small but juicy kiss under your ear.

  She turned you on your back and spread your legs to the side. Looking into your eyes, she licked each of her fingers one by one and grabbed your neck with one hand and squeezed it tight. “Look at me in the eyes, babe. These eyes you see will be the last eyes you saw but you will remember them for the rest of your life. Focus on my fingers, because now you will feel the presence of them around you. “ she said, inserting two fingers into your tight hole. There was pain, but Ellie's moaning turned you on even more.

  “Ellie please. “ you said, squirming. She bent over  and lifted your bra up with her teeth. She bent over them without having to remove the bra, while trying to keep your writhing body still, she began to suck and tug on each of your nipples one by one,slowly, as if time had stopped and you were the only one there. It was painful but also very sexy. Seeing Ellie like that started to feel more than just a friendship that you never knew existed for her before.

  Your climax was about to come and you were so tired of moaning, shouting in a low voice, squirming. “There you go baby. almost there. “ Ellie's words were enough to bring you to the climax. She immediately placed her third finger inside, without pulling the other two, and leaned close to your lips and kissed you passionately.

  You blinked and looked at her. How beautiful she looked when she fucked you. How well she could get you. You wanted more. More. “ Ellie more please. Oh God I can't. Fuck I'm cumming Ellie. “ You said and jerked into Ellie's fingers.

  After sticking her fingers out of you, she placed one last kiss, laid down beside you and fell asleep. You turned your already tired but also relaxed body to her and wrapped your arm around her waist.

  You took one last look at her before going to sleep, kissed her shoulder without disturbing, and fell asleep with the comfort of showing a little of your hidden, unspoken love.

The Unusual

   A/N- In my opinion, this was the best smut I’ve ever written and I hope you like it too :) We are such a simp for Ellie Williams ya’ll :)  You also can send me requests, don’t be shy <3 I’m sorry If there are any grammar mistakes, I’ll try to come back and correct them.

   Warnings- SMUT, Modern!Ellie, drink of alcohol, fingering, dirty talking.

   Request from- Anonymous

   Summary- After their meeting at the bar, what is usual for Reader and Ellie gets boring after a while and they decide to do something a little unusual.

   A blinding light from the window shone into the room where you slept. The pain between your legs was enough to bother you more than ever, but you laid still and let the morning sun hit your face. You turned your head in that direction with the rustle coming from your side and you couldn't help your grin both because you saw the person you saw and because you remembered that wonderful moment you had last night.

         A WEEK AGO

   Again, when you went to the bar you always go to, this time there was a little movement in it. In this place where you went to clear your mind, you met a lot of people and learned more stories than you wanted to know. Sometimes you had to choose between many people, but you could not find the right one for you.   Could such a thing have happened that day?

  When you entered the bar, you laughed inwardly as the familiar smell hit your nose. Maybe it was a little silly, but everyone had different ways of distracting them. Yours wasn't a one night stand. You had never even tried this. You thought the important thing was to find someone you could feel safe with.

  You stood in the bar chair to get a drink, stood out from the crowd, and looked around as you couldn't quite decide what you wanted to get. Everyone was having their own fun. When you looked a little more carefully, you saw that no one came here alone. You would give anything to come with your friends, but they had more important things to do. At least that's what they told you.

 “Hey. Ready to order yet? “Y ou turned your head towards the sound and you were almost speechless by that perfect face you saw. Your hands tangled, and you accidentally knocked the finished glass which the man beside you had. You silently cursed yourself. The red-haired girl laughed at you. You looked at her and saw that she was busy cleaning the glass in her hand. You laughed embarrassingly and decided to have your usual drink so you wouldn't keep her waiting any longer.

 " What. Uhm the usual, please? “ There was a problem that this girl had just started a job here and she didn't know what drink you were talking about. She frowned, but didn't seem to mind at all, as she immediately grinned and leaned over the table. “What about I give you my usual?”  You nodded your head and watched in surprise as she took the drink . You have never seen a girl as attractive as this girl in all your life.

  She placed the drink in front of you and, winking at you, moved to the side to take her next customer's order. When you looked at the drink, it was clear that you were not going to spend the night alone anymore. The girl, who hadn't even told you her name yet, looked at you from time to time, checking how you got the drink out of the corner of her eye. When you caught her staring at you, she smiled shyly with her perfect dimple and went back to her work. Your night was going to be great. You were sure of that.

     LAST NIGHT

   You tried to go to the bar almost every day after meeting the red-haired girl, but all this college stuff was throwing you off. It was getting harder for you to do the assignment given to you without being sober, but luckily, you somehow finished them all, or rather you had them done, and the only thing left was that you owed a meal to the people you had them do. It wasn't much of a problem either, you weren't really interested in school anyway. If there' was one thing you were really into right then, it was that bartender whose name you finally learned. Ellie.

   You had a more than good relationship with Ellie. After the bar closed, you or she were always so busy telling each other things that you didn't even know how the time passed. Sometimes one of you said something embarrassing and you blushed up your ass, but you got used to it. Ellie was a really nice person. Although what he's been through isn't very good. You loved her. You actually thought there was something more than something. Maybe love?

  You drank as you spoke , even drank to the hilt, and didn't hesitate to do silly things. It's like you were made for each other. The way Ellie looked at you in those eyes was so deep, longing and eager that you couldn't help yourself. She had no intention of keeping it to her either.

 That evening, you happily entered the bar again, with the comfort of finishing your homework. Before you walk right in, you take a look at yourself in the mirror and rejoice at how sexy you look. Impressing Ellie was easier than you thought.   It had already been so easy for her to influence you, which was an indisputable issue. Since the moment you saw the girl, or rather every time you saw her, your palms were sweating madly and you were trying hard not to jump on her.

  Sensual and insane.

  You quickened your steps towards where she was, but it wasn't that easy from the people dancing around you. You wanted to go to her right away and explain why you didn't come yesterday. You sat down on the chair in disappointment when you looked to the side where she always stood and saw that she wasn't even there, that there was no one in her place. However, you wanted this evening to be different from other evenings. You looked around with hope.

  "Lookin' for me, babe? “ Your eyes widened at her voice and you almost jumped on her, but that was not possible because of the table in front of you. If you had done something like that, you would probably have gone to the ground with embarrassment. “ Where were you? “ He shrugged his shoulders and waved her hand as saying never mind.

   “ Usual? “ “ Yeah, but your usual. I- I want yours. “ She nodded and quickly prepared the drink and placed it in front of you. This attraction between you was driving you crazy, you wanted it more and more each time. You wanted to explain yourself. “ I had some work to do yesterday, so- “ “ It's okay. You don't have to explain yourself to me.” 

  You took a sip of your drink and nodded at her understanding. You didn't even know exactly what was going on between you guys, and what was this willingness to explain yourself? You may have been nothing more than a friend to her, but at the same time, it didn't feel that way at all. Maybe you were having such thoughts in your head. You couldn't even taste the drink you were drinking properly anymore because of the tingling in your stomach. With a grimace, you pushed the drink away from you. “Hey. What- what about doing something different tonight? I mean If you want to. “ She smiled and nodded as her beautiful dimples came out.

  “Yeah, of course babe. “ You were used to her calling you babe, it didn't seem like anything different anymore. She started saying this word the day after you met, but each time it aroused different feelings in you. It's like the pain you feel in your lower side. Every time you tried to ignore it,  was difficult as Ellie talked or touched somewhere on you. You didn't want this night to be the usual. You wanted tonight to be different.

  “ Well, let's not drink the usual one then If we're doing the different things.”

 In a sexy stride that makes you feel like it's slow motion ,she leaned in front of the table, leaned close to your ear, and in a sexy voice, she said "Let our bodies talk If we're doing the unusual, baby. " . She bit your earlobe without pulling back. You shuddered and your eyes opened wide at what he said. That's when you realized that your feelings were not reciprocated. You were happy about this and with the excitement and some joy inside you started to wait for the closing of the bar with excitement.

  After a few hours of waiting, it was finally the closing time of the bar and almost everyone had left. Ellie had taken you and herself to her apartment above the bar to change, and you were watching her take off her clothes on the edge of her bed. She was moving slowly again, but you couldn't really stand it anymore.   The pain under you was growing more and more, it was making you squirm badly.

 Just as she was taking off her pants, you jumped on her and quickly pushed her onto the bed. You pulled off the trousers that she had taken off in half and took them off her feet and immediately started to take off your own top. She put her hands on top of your, tooking off your shirt, tossed it aside to be not found in the morning. Her eyes lit up when she saw your breasts overflowing from the edge of your bra. She lifted her head from the bed and  sucked on there, turning you into a whirlwind with little kisses. “ Fuck baby you're so fuckin' beautiful and you're mine, right? “ You nooded your head and kissed her as you leaned down on her and moaned to her lips. Your kiss was soft but sensual. It was almost unbearable, and you both knew it.

 “ I want to fuck you, Ellie. “ “You and me both , babygirl. “ You groaned against her word. You split both of Ellie's legs, kissing both of them separately before coming to her clit. It was like she was writhing on you. You are satisfied. You quickly peeled off her panties from her leg and buried your mouth there in no time. “Fuck, baby your mouth. Fuck it's so good. “ She ran her fingers through your hair and made you press yourself against her. You pulled your mouth out of there and spit on your fingers and stuck two fingers in her hole without practice.    Although she cried out in pain, she got used to it later and this time she started to moan with pleasure.

  “Y/N, I don't wanna come yet. Please let me fuck you too. “ Without raising your mouth too much, you said ” Me first, Ellie. I want to devour you. You're so tasty. “

 “ I want to know how you taste too, baby. Please. “ You groaned and let her lay you on your back.

  You can't remember when you got so undressed and came close to having an orgasm, but the best orgasm of your life was about to await you.

   She sat with her legs spread out and took you in her lap. You brought your hands to her beautiful little face and deepened your kiss. You took your place by her leg and started rubbing yourself on her. “Yes babygirl, keep goin'. Good girl. “   Saying these things only made you go faster. Her leg was terribly wet, but she didn’t even care.

  When she least expected it, you stuck your fingers in her hole as you continued to kiss her. She groaned and thrust her hips against your fingers, which also made your leg wobble, making it even easier for you to rub. You were so close. Your moans and pleasure screams filled the room.

   “Fuck baby. Yess. Come on. Cum for me. “

   “Ellie!” you shouted, mixed with a moan. “I can't no more. “

   “I know baby. Cu-Cum for me. “

  After that, you both came convulsively. Your legs were sore and cramped from too much rubbing. Ellie had already thrown herself  into bed and she was out of breath. You laughed and got on top of her. After placing one last small kiss on her lips, you wrapped your arms around each other and surrendered yourself to sleep.

Guys give this guy what it needss!! It's one of my fave writings so far.

The Unusual

   A/N- In my opinion, this was the best smut I’ve ever written and I hope you like it too :) We are such a simp for Ellie Williams ya’ll :)  You also can send me requests, don’t be shy <3 I’m sorry If there are any grammar mistakes, I’ll try to come back and correct them.

   Warnings- SMUT, Modern!Ellie, drink of alcohol, fingering, dirty talking.

   Request from- Anonymous

   Summary- After their meeting at the bar, what is usual for Reader and Ellie gets boring after a while and they decide to do something a little unusual.

   A blinding light from the window shone into the room where you slept. The pain between your legs was enough to bother you more than ever, but you laid still and let the morning sun hit your face. You turned your head in that direction with the rustle coming from your side and you couldn’t help your grin both because you saw the person you saw and because you remembered that wonderful moment you had last night.

         A WEEK AGO

   Again, when you went to the bar you always go to, this time there was a little movement in it. In this place where you went to clear your mind, you met a lot of people and learned more stories than you wanted to know. Sometimes you had to choose between many people, but you could not find the right one for you.   Could such a thing have happened that day?

  When you entered the bar, you laughed inwardly as the familiar smell hit your nose. Maybe it was a little silly, but everyone had different ways of distracting them. Yours wasn’t a one night stand. You had never even tried this. You thought the important thing was to find someone you could feel safe with.

  You stood in the bar chair to get a drink, stood out from the crowd, and looked around as you couldn’t quite decide what you wanted to get. Everyone was having their own fun. When you looked a little more carefully, you saw that no one came here alone. You would give anything to come with your friends, but they had more important things to do. At least that’s what they told you.

 “Hey. Ready to order yet? “Y ou turned your head towards the sound and you were almost speechless by that perfect face you saw. Your hands tangled, and you accidentally knocked the finished glass which the man beside you had. You silently cursed yourself. The red-haired girl laughed at you. You looked at her and saw that she was busy cleaning the glass in her hand. You laughed embarrassingly and decided to have your usual drink so you wouldn’t keep her waiting any longer.

 " What. Uhm the usual, please? “ There was a problem that this girl had just started a job here and she didn’t know what drink you were talking about. She frowned, but didn’t seem to mind at all, as she immediately grinned and leaned over the table. “What about I give you my usual?”  You nodded your head and watched in surprise as she took the drink . You have never seen a girl as attractive as this girl in all your life.

  She placed the drink in front of you and, winking at you, moved to the side to take her next customer’s order. When you looked at the drink, it was clear that you were not going to spend the night alone anymore. The girl, who hadn’t even told you her name yet, looked at you from time to time, checking how you got the drink out of the corner of her eye. When you caught her staring at you, she smiled shyly with her perfect dimple and went back to her work. Your night was going to be great. You were sure of that.

     LAST NIGHT

   You tried to go to the bar almost every day after meeting the red-haired girl, but all this college stuff was throwing you off. It was getting harder for you to do the assignment given to you without being sober, but luckily, you somehow finished them all, or rather you had them done, and the only thing left was that you owed a meal to the people you had them do. It wasn’t much of a problem either, you weren’t really interested in school anyway. If there’ was one thing you were really into right then, it was that bartender whose name you finally learned. Ellie.

   You had a more than good relationship with Ellie. After the bar closed, you or she were always so busy telling each other things that you didn’t even know how the time passed. Sometimes one of you said something embarrassing and you blushed up your ass, but you got used to it. Ellie was a really nice person. Although what he’s been through isn’t very good. You loved her. You actually thought there was something more than something. Maybe love?

  You drank as you spoke , even drank to the hilt, and didn’t hesitate to do silly things. It’s like you were made for each other. The way Ellie looked at you in those eyes was so deep, longing and eager that you couldn’t help yourself. She had no intention of keeping it to her either.

 That evening, you happily entered the bar again, with the comfort of finishing your homework. Before you walk right in, you take a look at yourself in the mirror and rejoice at how sexy you look. Impressing Ellie was easier than you thought.   It had already been so easy for her to influence you, which was an indisputable issue. Since the moment you saw the girl, or rather every time you saw her, your palms were sweating madly and you were trying hard not to jump on her.

  Sensual and insane.

  You quickened your steps towards where she was, but it wasn’t that easy from the people dancing around you. You wanted to go to her right away and explain why you didn’t come yesterday. You sat down on the chair in disappointment when you looked to the side where she always stood and saw that she wasn’t even there, that there was no one in her place. However, you wanted this evening to be different from other evenings. You looked around with hope.

  “Lookin’ for me, babe? “ Your eyes widened at her voice and you almost jumped on her, but that was not possible because of the table in front of you. If you had done something like that, you would probably have gone to the ground with embarrassment. “ Where were you? “ He shrugged his shoulders and waved her hand as saying never mind.

   “ Usual? “ “ Yeah, but your usual. I- I want yours. “ She nodded and quickly prepared the drink and placed it in front of you. This attraction between you was driving you crazy, you wanted it more and more each time. You wanted to explain yourself. “ I had some work to do yesterday, so- “ “ It’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.” 

  You took a sip of your drink and nodded at her understanding. You didn’t even know exactly what was going on between you guys, and what was this willingness to explain yourself? You may have been nothing more than a friend to her, but at the same time, it didn’t feel that way at all. Maybe you were having such thoughts in your head. You couldn’t even taste the drink you were drinking properly anymore because of the tingling in your stomach. With a grimace, you pushed the drink away from you. “Hey. What- what about doing something different tonight? I mean If you want to. “ She smiled and nodded as her beautiful dimples came out.

  “Yeah, of course babe. “ You were used to her calling you babe, it didn’t seem like anything different anymore. She started saying this word the day after you met, but each time it aroused different feelings in you. It’s like the pain you feel in your lower side. Every time you tried to ignore it,  was difficult as Ellie talked or touched somewhere on you. You didn’t want this night to be the usual. You wanted tonight to be different.

  “ Well, let’s not drink the usual one then If we’re doing the different things.”

 In a sexy stride that makes you feel like it’s slow motion ,she leaned in front of the table, leaned close to your ear, and in a sexy voice, she said "Let our bodies talk If we’re doing the unusual, baby. ” . She bit your earlobe without pulling back. You shuddered and your eyes opened wide at what he said. That’s when you realized that your feelings were not reciprocated. You were happy about this and with the excitement and some joy inside you started to wait for the closing of the bar with excitement.

  After a few hours of waiting, it was finally the closing time of the bar and almost everyone had left. Ellie had taken you and herself to her apartment above the bar to change, and you were watching her take off her clothes on the edge of her bed. She was moving slowly again, but you couldn’t really stand it anymore.   The pain under you was growing more and more, it was making you squirm badly.

 Just as she was taking off her pants, you jumped on her and quickly pushed her onto the bed. You pulled off the trousers that she had taken off in half and took them off her feet and immediately started to take off your own top. She put her hands on top of your, tooking off your shirt, tossed it aside to be not found in the morning. Her eyes lit up when she saw your breasts overflowing from the edge of your bra. She lifted her head from the bed and  sucked on there, turning you into a whirlwind with little kisses. “ Fuck baby you’re so fuckin’ beautiful and you’re mine, right? “ You nooded your head and kissed her as you leaned down on her and moaned to her lips. Your kiss was soft but sensual. It was almost unbearable, and you both knew it.

 “ I want to fuck you, Ellie. “ “You and me both , babygirl. “ You groaned against her word. You split both of Ellie’s legs, kissing both of them separately before coming to her clit. It was like she was writhing on you. You are satisfied. You quickly peeled off her panties from her leg and buried your mouth there in no time. “Fuck, baby your mouth. Fuck it’s so good. “ She ran her fingers through your hair and made you press yourself against her. You pulled your mouth out of there and spit on your fingers and stuck two fingers in her hole without practice.    Although she cried out in pain, she got used to it later and this time she started to moan with pleasure.

  “Y/N, I don’t wanna come yet. Please let me fuck you too. “ Without raising your mouth too much, you said ” Me first, Ellie. I want to devour you. You’re so tasty. “

 “ I want to know how you taste too, baby. Please. “ You groaned and let her lay you on your back.

  You can’t remember when you got so undressed and came close to having an orgasm, but the best orgasm of your life was about to await you.

   She sat with her legs spread out and took you in her lap. You brought your hands to her beautiful little face and deepened your kiss. You took your place by her leg and started rubbing yourself on her. “Yes babygirl, keep goin’. Good girl. “   Saying these things only made you go faster. Her leg was terribly wet, but she didn’t even care.

  When she least expected it, you stuck your fingers in her hole as you continued to kiss her. She groaned and thrust her hips against your fingers, which also made your leg wobble, making it even easier for you to rub. You were so close. Your moans and pleasure screams filled the room.

   “Fuck baby. Yess. Come on. Cum for me. “

   “Ellie!” you shouted, mixed with a moan. “I can’t no more. “

   “I know baby. Cu-Cum for me. “

  After that, you both came convulsively. Your legs were sore and cramped from too much rubbing. Ellie had already thrown herself  into bed and she was out of breath. You laughed and got on top of her. After placing one last small kiss on her lips, you wrapped your arms around each other and surrendered yourself to sleep.

Joel Miller FF

Warnings: Age gap,eventual smut,abuse,death,sexual content, sexual abuse,pregnancy,reader has her owns kids,cursing,alcoholism,smoking, etc.

This is going to be a series coming soon I don’t know when the chapter will be ready but I know I have the plot ready.

COMING SOON..

So I haven't written literally anything on here in FOREVER and I've decided to start again. I'm gonna try to get a Joel Miller fic out by the end of tomorrow so if you're interested look for that! <3

Play Along

A/n: I'm writing this at literally 2 in the morning so this could very well be trash but we shall see. Okay so I hate the way I ended this but the rest is kinda cute so I'm posting it anyway, enjoy :)

All my works are 18+ MDI

Word count: 2K

Warnings: Literally just Joel being the best gentleman, Pre-Outbreak!Joel, Lowkey cliche, no use of Y/n, drinking, One creepy guy, reader is uncomfortable, slight unwanted touching, Joel (he always needs a warning), light swearing, I think that's it but lmk if I missed anything.

It was supposed to be a fun night out with your best friend that you hadn't seen in forever. The plan was to go out to a bar your friend liked, have a few drinks, and catch up on what you had missed in the time you two had been separated.

But that plan quickly went out the window. You both showed up and chatted for a while but your friend quickly found someone she deemed worthy of her time and went to the dance floor, leaving you to nurse another drink alone at the bar. That honestly wasn't bad at first. Your drink was about as good as you good get in the small honky tonk bar, the music wasn't bad, maybe a little twangy, but nothing horrible, but then he showed up.

You don't even remember his name, James? Jason? You couldn't remember but you do know that he asked you to dance, and being a few too many drinks deep you said yes. At first he kept a respectable distance between the two of you and his hands stayed high on your back and arms as you danced to the music, but after a song or two his hands began to wander and he pulled you closer. It wasn't terrible until he pulled you flush against him and ran his hot, wet mouth down your neck.

"Okay, I'm getting hot, I think I need another drink! Let go." You shouted over the music but he seemed determined to stay with you.

"It's not that hot in here, just one more song, come on! Then I can think of something else we can do." The innuendo wasn't lost on you and you quickly sobered up a bit. He made another grab for your arm but you pulled it away at the last second and searched the room for your friend with no luck. It seemed she had gone home with that guy, or at the very least disappeared somewhere with him.

"No, I'm actually here with someone so I'm just gonna go find him. This was fun though." You tried to be polite whilst your eyes bounced around the room in search for anywhere you could go, at this point you were almost completely sober and just wanted a way out of this situation.

"Bullshit! You were alone at that bar long before I got to you. Now don't be such a bitch and come over here again!" John or maybe Jackson shouted a little too near to your ear for comfort, causing you to immediately flinch away.

Then your eyes landed on him. Dark messy hair and broad shoulders in a tight green flannel connected to long legs covered in tight dirty jeans. His back was to you and you prayed he was really as alone here as he looked because you made a beeline to him while tossing a, "There's my friend!" over your shoulder. You could tell he followed after you but you just walked faster until you were right next to where the other man stood near the bar counter.

"There you are babe! I've been looking for you!" You called to him and threw your arms around his neck before whispering in his ear when he stiffened at your touch. "Please play along, this guy won't leave me alone." The man didn't answer but he relaxed and wrapped his arms around you for a few seconds before pulling back. By now, the other guy had reached the two of you and glared at the man who now had his arm over your shoulder.

"Hey darlin', been looking all over for you. Who's your friend?" He was playing along to your great relief and glared just as harshly at the unrelentless man before you.

"Oh, this is, uh, Jason-"

"John, actually, and who are you?" John, it turned out to be, cut you off and looked the other man up and down, sizing him up.

"I'm Joel, how do you know my girlfriend?" Joel, stared right back and kept his tone clipped and harsh. Joel was a little shorter, but he was broader and filled out his sleeves much more than John did, no doubt intimidating the creep.

"Girlfriend? This bitch? Yeah have fun with that..." John quickly trailed off as Joel's glare deepened and he took a threatening step forward at the harsh words. John quickly took the hint and turned around and sauntered back into the crowd with a scoff and one last glare aimed at you.

As soon as he was out of sight you slumped down into one of the two empty bar stools while Joel took the other. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry for that. He just wouldn't leave me alone and I lost my friend somewhere and she's kinda my ride but I think she left with some guy so I didn't know what to do. God, you really saved my ass, I don't know what would've happ-" Joel cut your rambling off with a short bark of laughter and shook her head. He smiled in amusement and held out his hand for you to shake.

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart. It was my pleasure, I'm glad I could help. I'm Joel." You gave him your name and shook his hand in return.

"Thank again, can I buy you a drink for that? Like I said, you really saved my ass there." You grinned as you offered but it dropped when he flagged the bartender down and ordered you a drink instead.

"How bout I buy you one since you seemed to have a shitty night? And you said your friend left? I can give you a ride home if you'd like, darlin'." Joel offered in a deep southern twang that had you blushing, though you blamed it on the alcohol still in your system.

You shook your head a smiled. "Don't worry about it, please, I'll just get an Uber or something. I can figure it out, you've already done so much for me tonight." Truth be told, you desperately wanted him to drive you home. Joel was hot, he was also kind and a gentleman, but you didn't want to intrude on his night even more so you declined his offer.

He however seemed to have other Ideas, he raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "You're really gonna call an Uber alone at night? For some reason that doesn't seem like the brightest idea to me."

"Oh and going home with a stranger is any better?" You shot back but Joel just grinned.

"But we aren't strangers. You know my name and I know yours, and according to people around us, we are dating. If you don't want me to take you home, I understand, but I really wouldn't mind at all, and it seems the safer option anyway." You thought over his offer and decided was he right. Calling an uber when you were tipsy, alone, and this late at night wasn't a good idea. You're other option was to somehow get your friend to give you a ride like planned, but she was nowhere to be seen in the bar and she hadn't responded to any of your texts other than one over an hour ago saying she went home with the guy she met.

"Alright, you can drive me home. But you're just dropping me off, alright." Joel nodded and raised his hands in surrender.

"You have my word, sweetheart. I will only take you home, unless you ask for anything else." He threw a cheeky wink in with the end of his sentenced, and that paired with the pet name in his drawl had you blushing from your neck to the tips of your ears. You only hoped he blamed it on the alcohol in your system and the heat of the bar, but the look in his eyes said he knew otherwise.

"Great. Um," You glanced at your phone and saw that it was way past midnight. You had been talking to Joel in between sips of your drinks for well over an hour by now. "It's getting pretty late, do you wanna head out now?"

"Sounds great, darlin'." He fished out his wallet from the back pocket of those unnecessarily tight jeans and threw a couple bills on the table. You tore your eyes away from his ass when he turned around and your blush deepened when you saw the small smirk on Joel's face, he definitely saw you staring. "Let's go then, I'm parked out front."

He led the way out the doors into the chilly night air and opened the passenger door of a shiny black pickup with a large smile across his face. You grinned and stepped up into the vehicle. "I guess chivalry really isn't dead."

Joel just chuckled and shook his head, "Just keepin' my momma proud, darlin'." He winked at you and shut your door before walking around to the driver door. You gave him your address and he turned on the radio quietly as he began to drive.

"Thank you again for everything, Joel. You don't know how much you've done for me tonight." You sheepishly stared at your hands in your lap, the buzz of your drinks wearing off and an odd sense of shame filling you.

You looked up, though, when he reached over and grabbed one of your hands in his much larger grip. His hand covered yours entirely and it was rough with callouses. You stared at the side of his face with your cheeks slightly pink when he spoke. "Darlin', you don't need to thank me. You don't ever deserve to feel unsafe anywhere and I'm extremely glad that I could help you out tonight."

Joel stopped talking then, but he still lightly held your hand in his, you could've pulled away if you wanted, but you just squeezed his hand and grinned. A slow country song came on over the radio and Joel turned up the music a few notches. Quietly he began to sing along.

His voice was deep and smooth with a little bit of a rasp. In short, it was beautiful. You stared at his mouth as it moved to form the shapes of the words. You must have looked insane staring at him like this but when he glanced over at you Joel only smiled softly and continued the song.

The song just barely ended when he pulled into your neighborhood and turned into your driveway. You frowned as the night came to a close and slowly began to unbuckle while Joel walked around the front of the car to open your door for you. "Here you are, sweetheart. It's been a great night for me, I hope it was for you too after everything."

You smiled and hopped down onto the pavement and walked with him to your front door where you tried to linger and build the confidence to ask for his number. "It was wonderful meeting and talking with you. Thank you for everything once again." Joel smiled and nodded his acknowledgment before you began to unlock the door and he turned and walked back to his truck.

You had just about closed the door when you heard your name called out. "Hey wait! you left this in my truck." Joel jogged up to your front door once again and handed you something, it looked like a napkin or a paper, but you didn't remember having it before. It must've just been in your pocket and fallen out or something, you reasoned.

"Oh thanks, I didn't even realize. Goodnight Joel." You finally forced yourself to not chicken out and stood on your tippy toes to press a soft kiss to his cheek before you turned and walked back into your house, just barely catching his own goodnight to you.

It was only after you heard his truck pull away and the sound of his engine fade that you looked down at the napkin he had handed you. Once you processed what it had written on it in a messy chicken scrawl you sat at your kitchen table and a large grin took over your face.

Here's my number so you can buy me that drink another time. - Joel.

Exhaustion

A/n: So this turned out way more angsty than I originally planned it to be but whatever. I also kinda hate it but I just wanted to write a little bit to get back into the swing of things.

All my work is 18+ MDI

Word count: 1.7K

Warnings: Lowkey angsty but fluff at the end, kinda established relationship, reader doesn't know how to cope, miscommunication, implied traumatic past, mention of nightmares, post outbreak! Joel, no use of Y/n, swearing, self harm in the form of sleep deprivation if that's a thing. Please don't read if any of this is triggering to you.

When you were out on the road it was easy to avoid your nightmares. You would barely sleep in between watches with Joel, and when you did it was a light enough sleep that you wouldn't ever dream.

But in Jackson it was different. It took a few months to get adjusted to the new way of life, the somewhat normal life in the commune. Once you, Ellie and Joel had gotten used to the new town you had quickly fallen into a routine. Ellie would go to school while you and Joel took patrols with each other before coming back home to share a bed. For a while you would still sleep light enough that your dreams, or rather nightmares couldn't reach you in Joel's strong embrace, but eventually you got comfortable and your past crawled it's way into your subconscious.

On more than one occasion you had jolted awake in a panic not knowing where you were while Joel was forced to calm you down. It was these moments that filled you with guilt and shame. Joel had been through just as much, if not more than you had and he didn't need you ruining what little sleep he got just because you couldn't handle something that you had escaped from over a year ago. It was then that you decided to push through and suck it up. If Joel could handle a little trauma, then so could you.

So as the days went on you forced yourself to sleep as little as possible. Sure it made you a little jumpier on patrol but so far Joel hadn't noticed and you hoped he would just chalk the bags under your eyes up to long patrols nights and 'waking up' earlier than usual. You had made it almost a month sleeping just enough to keep you functioning, which meant about an hour or two a night, before Joel decided to corner you during patrol.

"So you gonna tell me what's going on with you?" He spoke one day while you were hiking up to a abandoned hunting cabin that had been shaped into a patrol outpost you two occasionally spent a weekend on patrol at.

His words caused you to momentarily freeze up during which he sent a glance over his shoulder at you, eyeing your reaction. "What do you mean?" The words left your mouth carefully with no emotion as you tried to focus on anything other than your pounding headache and the way Joel kept glancing back at you. Just another mile and then you would avoid Joel at the cabin. You've held off this conversation for a month, you could do it for another 30 minutes.

Joel, however, seem to think otherwise. He scoffed at your response and stopped walking, causing you to pause for a moment before walking past him towards the cabin. Just a little more...

"Don't bullshit me, darlin'. You're shaking and sweating right now just walking when you can usually do this hike without breaking a sweat. You're pale and you've had bags under your eyes for the past month. So tell me what the fuck is going on and why you won't talk to me."

Shit.

He noticed. Those weeks you had gone laying in bed awake while we slept at your back and you tried to play it off hadn't gone unseen like you had hoped. Now he was mad at you and you were just causing him more stress, the opposite of what you hoped your efforts would do. "It's nothing Joel. Just drop it, alright?" you kept walking and ignored the ever growing headache pulsing behind your eyes as the exhaustion caught up to you after not getting a wink of sleep the past three days and then hiking with this conversation thrown at you. Joel called out your name angrily and stormed up to you forcing you to stop walking and face him. The cabin was only a quarter mile up now.

"I'm trying to have a serious conversation here!"

"Yeah, and I'm trying to avoid it!" You regretted the words as soon as they left your mouth because they only confirmed that something was wrong.

"And why's that, huh? What aren't you telling me?" His expression changed then and he dropped his gaze down to his hands for a moment. "Did I do something wrong? Is that why you won't talk to me?" His fears broke through you just a bit and you could feel your throat tighten up against the tears building up. When you spoke your voice came out thick and brittle.

"Jesus, Joel, no it isn't you. Shit. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just me, okay? It's just something I have to handle." Joel met your eyes again then and stared into your glazed over gaze. He only nodded then and started walking again. Thank fucking God, he was dropping it.

It wasn't until you thought Joel was fast asleep that your exhaustion truly hit you. You knew that if you slept now you would be out hard and it would be impossible to avoid the memories of unwanted grasps against your skin and cries of pain as you were struck would reach you. So instead of laying in bed with Joel where you knew you would be out in seconds if you stayed any longer you slowly climbed off the dusty bed and downstairs to sit by the fire place where a few glowing coals remained from your earlier tense dinner.

You sat there for what could've been hours or minutes just rubbing your temples with shaking hands, trying to physically force away your pounding migraine. You hadn't even noticed Joel appearing in the doorway until his voice caused you to all but jump out of your skin.

"This is you handling it then?" His voice was raspy with still and you couldn't help but be jealous at the precious hours he had to sleep in peace. "Jesus christ darlin, when's the last time you slept?"

His words immediately brought tears to your eyes and the walls you had spent weeks building high came crashing down. You crumbled as the first sob tore through your body, your entire being shook and you brought your hands up to cover your face as shame and pain ripped into you.

Joel was upon you in seconds and wrapped you up in his strong embrace as he slowly rocked you back and forth, trying to calm you down. "Breath, darlin', just breath. Listen to me okay? In...and out," when you only continued to shake and sob in his arms he lifted one hand to your face and used the other the grab your own hand and place it against his chest, forcing you to feel his deep breaths. "Come on you gotta work with me here. You feel my breaths? Yeah, you do, just match my breathing, I know you can do it. In, and out. Yeah, just like that, good job." When your breathing had finally evened out and all that remained was a few sniffles you began to speak.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to, uh, I didn't mean to wake you up. You can go back to bed." Joel just grabbed the back of your head and pressed you into his chest while shaking his head.

"Don't do that. Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong. I just need to know what happened so I can help you, alright?"

You shook your head and mumbed against him, "I don't wanna tell you." When you looked at his face he had a deep frown and concern etched across his features.

"Why not, darlin'. You know I'm here to help you, that's how this thing works." He gently pulled you away from his chest and made you look at his face while he spoke.

"I don't want you to think I'm weak..." You avoided eye contact when you saw his face crumble and realization flood his gaze. He had finally figured it out.

"It's your nightmares isn't it?" You just barely nodded and continued staring at the ground you sat on. "You've been forcing yourself to stay awake? Sweetheart, you can't do that, it'll get you killed out here if you aren't able to function properly. Why didn't you just come to me?" His words were spoken quietly but still firm in your ear.

"I didn't want to be a burden. You've been through so much as well and you don't wake up screaming every night. You're so strong. I didn't want to make you see how weak I am, so I figured if I just didn't sleep then they wouldn't be able to hurt me again." You shook your head in disbelief at yourself and scratched at your arms anxiously. "God I spent so long getting out of there and trying to heal and I'm still just the dumb little slave. Nothing's changed." Joel grabbed your arms and forced your scratching to stop and looked you in the eye with anger behind his eyes.

"Hey. Don't say that shit. What you went through is unspeakable and it doesn't make you weak to be affected by it." You opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off before you could get any words out. "No, I'm talking right now. You are so incredibly strong, darlin'. You've been through so much and you still manage to push forward and live. So don't you dare call yourself weak because that is absolute bullshit and we've promised not to lie to each other. How about we go upstairs and get you some sleep, and if you have a nightmare you wake me up, I don't care how often or what time it is and you tell me what you need me to do, okay?"

You nodded your head and leaned forward to press a soft, barely there kiss to his lips that he immediately reciprocated. "Thank you. For everything."

"You don't have to thank me for anything, darlin. This is what I'm here for. Please don't ever feel like you can't tell me stuff like this, alright." You just nodded again and allowed him to help you back upstairs into bed where you fell asleep in his strong embrace within seconds of your head hitting the pillow.

PLEASE STOP, READ, AND SHARE

This is not my usual content I would post but it needs to be said. Earlier today I was at Walmart to pick up purple shampoo and a loaf of bread. I decided to browse their makeup to look for a new blush and there were maybe three other people in there: a mother and her daughter and a young woman, maybe in her mid twenties.

While I was standing there the young woman came up to me and very nervously asked if she could walk around with my while I finished my shopping because she thought a man was following her in the store. She told me what he was wearing and his build and said that she had been weaving in and out of aisles in the store and everytime she changed aisles the man would follow her from a not so subtle distance. Where I live there has been a rise in human trafficking in a few nearby areas and she told me that she had seen a lot of that on the news and I could tell she was extremely nervous. I let her know that she could walk around with my while I grabbed what I needed and even offered to walk with her to her car just in case. She ended up just walking with me to get my stuff and then we separated when we both needed to checkout; per her assurance that she would be fine.

Being another young woman alone in the store I was very alert and mildly nervous walking to my car alone even though I have been there a million times by myself. I made it to my car safe and as I was pulling out of the parking spot I saw the same woman walking out to her car, alone and safe as well.

The point of this is that people, women and men and everyone else, shouldn't have to put up with the fear of being kidnapped and sold while simply shopping, or anywhere else for that matter. While this should never happen, the sad truth is that it does happen, and please if you notice anything suspicious going on or see someone in need of help do not hesitate to step in to help or clear up any confusion on a situation.

And if you are ever in a situation like this, please please please, don't wait for something to happen, talk to security or an employee, ask to walk with someone for a few minutes, find something to do to PREVENT NOT DEFEND. Don't wait to be the person on the news that has everyone else worrying.

Guys i want to write something this week but I can't decide what! Do you want fluffy? Angst? Both 👀? I'm really down to write whatever I just want to know what y'all wanna read! Pls pls pls send in asks or comment and lmk!!!

Late Night Visit || Joel x Reader Smut

Summary:  Joel pays you a visit late at nigh while seeking for a shelter.

Warnings: Smut

Words: 3340

Authors: Cass & Rouge

Area 4. Boston zone.

Night there was quiet and calm as much as it could be with all the soldiers patrolling the streets.

It was way past the curfew so there were two options.

One was to sit in one place like an idiot and not get spotted by the military, or second -  to find a safe place to spend the rest of the night.

Joel groaned deeply annoyed, rubbing his face. He was on his way back from another smuggler job and he was stuck. Fucking pissed, dirty, beaten up and tired. He really wasn't in a mood to deal with this now and there was still long way to his flat.

Joel thought of what to do and he got one idea -  not the best one but surely working for his favor.

So there he was, trying his best to get to one of the  buildings without getting spotted. Somehow he entered and now he stood in front of your door.

You were his old friend. He worked with you few times and apparently you liked him much enough that you offered him help whenever he will needed it. Joel looked around and hoped that whoever else lived there had a deep sleep and you aren't asleep yet. Letting out a deep sigh, he knocked at your door using his fist, just to be sure you hear him.

You were awakened by knocking to your door. Lazily, you opened eyes and yawned. Rolling on your side, you reached to a nightstand to pick a watch up. 1:17. "Fuck," you murmured unhappily, yet you got up slowly.

You had a silky, pink nightgown on, an old one actually, but the only that was still in a good state. It was maybe too loose now as you have lost a pound or two, but you still like your reflection in a mirror with this one on.

You hair, loosened, were messy, so you ran fingers through them in an attempt to brush them a little.

Hesitantly, you left bedroom, walked along the corridor and stood in front of the main door. "Who's there?," You asked, raising voice a little.

"Maybe don't raise your voice, girl. It's enough I risk my ass being here. Open the door, it's me, Joel," he muttered, looking around still being careful to not draw too much attention to both of you. "It would be nice if you hurry up, it's curfew time. Unless something has changed and I don't know."

You blinked as soon as you heard his voice. You clenched hands in fists; you felt how anger started rising within you.

After moment of hesitation, you opened the door for him, yet didn't move aside to let him in. You measured him with a cold glance. "Joel. How long has it been?"

Joel was getting more and more annoyed just by waiting for you to open the damn door. Last thing he really needed was your mood swing, but it was who you were. He already got used to it after working with you. "Long and don't give me that look. I have enough of everything and I just use the invitation you had gave me," Joel explained with a frown.

With a roll of your eyes you shifted aside, making a room for him to enter. As soon as he did step into your little flat, you made sure to lock the door with key and a little chain.

You looked at him above your shoulder; he indeed looked like an old, tired man that was overwhelmed with the world itself.

Joel nodded and walked past you to your living room. He took off his backpack and put it on the floor next to the couch.

"Sorry for coming here that late, it wasn't in my original plan. There was this or trying to get to my own flat," he muttered stretching his back. "I won't be much of a bother, I can crush on a couch and maybe use a shower."

You stopped in a threshold, leaning your side against a doorframe. "Yeah, I bet it wasn't your original plan," you said theatrically, and walked to the little kitchen to pour him a glass of whiskey. Thankfully, you had a nice magazine of those.

As you returned with a glass, you passed it to him, and took a seat in an armchair, crossing legs nicely.

"It's been half a year. Without any sign from you."

"Yeah, I planed to get home but I fucking failed due to some fucked up shit I had to stumble upon," he explained and turned to you, looking a bit suprised at the fact you offer him a drink.

Joel gladly took it and then sat down on the couch. He downed drink quickly in one big sip. It was a nice change than the simple water, apparently he needed it more than he though. "I know, been busy. You know, trying to somehow earn my living in this shithole.”

You didn't reply to his words, you simply listen to his story, nodding from time to time. "Still, you could have informed me. I was dying of stress."

Joel let out a sigh, did you try to guilt trip him or something? He wasn't really sure what you tried to achieve, he was tired. "Well, I couldn't. There was one job after another. I also never saw you bothering yourself with coming to me," he shrugged, rubbing his eyes. "Can I use the shower or not?"

"Feel free to use whatever you want," you informed him as you got up, and walked to the door. "I'll bring you a blanket and pillow. You can find a fresh towels Inna cabinet in a bathroom."

"Yea, I remember where and don't worry. I will be gone as soon as the curfew will be over. So I won't bother ya too much," Joel explained before getting up from the couch and simply walking into your bathroom.

You returned to your bedroom, initially you left the door open, just in case Joel would want a hand.

You climbed to your bed and placed head into the soft pillow.

"Oh fucking hell... This is what I needed," Joel muttered to himself at the feeling of water washing off a 4 day worth of a dirt, blood or whatever was covering him at that point.

He rested his head against the shower wall, simply enjoying the pleasant feeling. Joel made sure to check himself in case he needed to tend any wounds. As for a hit with a fucking metal baseball bat, I am surprised my ribs are still intact, he thought to himself. Only thing that kinda bothered him was a wound on his leg.

It took him half an hour to get himself to somehow permissible state. After drying himself he redressed and left the bathroom. Sitting down on the couch he started to dig through his backpack to find the aid kit to tend the wound on his leg.

You got awakened up by Joel again. It was probably caused by the fact you were having a light sleep.

Your eyes opened slowly, you rolled on the other side and looked at Joel through open door, yet you didn't get up from your bed.

Oh, how jealous you were of him. You knew you two were only colleagues but you counted for something more, and always were trying to do anything for him to notice you. He never did though, that's why you gave upon him.

Joel could feel a chills ran down his spine as he felt someone's eyes on him. It wasn't extremely unpleasant but for him it was simply unnecessary. Man looked over his shoulder right at you. "Have someone ever told you that staring is rude?," Joel asked and then turned his attention back to his leg.

"I am just checking if you don't need a hand," you replied and nuzzled to your pillow. You tried to hide the blush.

"Do I look like I need it? I'd ask for help if I would need one," Joel summed up, ribbing the bandage in half before tying around his leg and hiding the rest in his backpack.

You turned on the other side with a loud gasp. "Like you wish, Joel. Good night."

"Night," he said simply, getting comfortable on the couch. All he used was the pillow you gave him.

The anger raged within you. You couldn't believe that he has simply came to take a nap on your couch.

You grabbed your pillow and got up from bed, you walked on your tiptoes to stand right next to the couch, then you hit him with a pillow. "How could you left without a fucking word, Joel?!"

Joel nearly jumped out of his skin because of this sudden assault from your side. Probably if not the fact he knew where he was and who you were, he would punch back. For sure not with pillow.

"What the fuck, the hell is wrong with you, girl?!," He growled sitting up and turning to you.

You hit him few times with pillow. "You told me you'll come back. You never did! Only now! And only because some time ago I offered you a safe place!," You screamed at him.

He got up from the couch and stood in front of you. Joel was two if not three times your size, he was way bigger than you so disarming you wasn't much of a problem. "Seriously? Pillow? Try harder next time," he muttered and threw the pillow over his shoulder. "I told you I was busy, besides, since when you want me to be around?"

"Since the day we met, eh?," You snarled, and looked him hardly in the eyes. "You good knew that I have a feeling for you, even despite the fact you and Tess...," You gasped. "It's not important now, anymore. It's not important. I'm sorry for my outburst, it shouldn't have happened."

He looked at you with a frown, deeply confused at you confession. You had feelings for him? Was that even possible?

"No, it is important. Explain it now. What me and Tess?," Joel asked. He was curious what he will he hear from you.

You clenched palms in fists. "You and her are a thing, I'm not an idiot. You live together. You have common stuff to which you both are fully committed."

Joel chuckled and shook his head. Everything you just said was a complete nonsense.

"Listen..," he muttered and rubbed bridge of his nose. "Me and Tess, we were never a thing. Not even in the sightless degree. Sure, we worked together and she slept in my flat but that's it. Nothing more, nothing less," Joel explained.

"Yeah, yeah, if you think I'm going to believe this, you're mistaken," you told him, then went to the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of whiskey, but instead of downing the glass, you downed the bottle itself.

Joel rolled his eyes and followed you. He took the bottle out of your hand and put it down on the countertop away from your reach. "And why would I lie to you, Y/N?"

"Because I'm only a colleague of yours, you don't need to tell me the truth," you shrugged.

"Oh, is that so?," He leaned on countertop, looking at you.

Joel did promise to come back to you but he indeed never did. There was few factor that made him stay away. You were younger, less experienced. That meant you deserved some as young as you, someone who isn't as broken as he is. Joel indeed cared about you but what was the point for him. “What If I tell you that you are really mistaken?"

"I don't care anymore," you grabbed the bottle he took away from you and downed it. "I don't care. Past few months have taught me that I can only count on myself, as everyone around is lying on purpose to gain something," you told him and ran fingers through your hair.

"Now I call it bullshit, Y/N. Because if you truly didn't care anymore, you wouldn't try to murder me with a pillow," Joel said crossing arms over his chest. He got a really stupid idea. "Okay, listen. I care about you, I really do... That's why I didn't come," Joel said, facepalming mentally.

You shrugged. "Good to know. After half a year," you went back to the little living room and flopped on the couch, you wiped a drop of whiskey that have left on your lips with the top of palm.

Joel rolled his eyes and joined you. "Well, you weren't much better. Just now I found out you have feelings for me because I really had no idea you were jealous of Tess," he chuckled and poked you on the ribs.

"Don't touch me," you snarled and shifted aside. "You were a dumbass then, how was it possible for you to not realize that I had a feeling for you?," You chuckled on your own words.

"Y/N. I am an old, broken smuggler," he sighed and looked at you. "You know me, you know everything. Can you blame me for this?"

"Yeah, I kinda can," you chuckled coldly and laid head on the pillow you borrowed him. "You might be old but with your age a wisdom should come along."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Joel rolled his eyes and grabbed your hand to pull you up and onto his laps.

It was a mistake probably and it was wrong. You deserved far more than him but it wasn't a point then. He grabbed the back of your neck tightly and pulled into a kiss only to pull away as soon as he ran out of the air in his lungs. "Will this make us quit this smart talk?"

You licked you lips after the kiss he offered you.

Your heart rate increased, you were taken off your guard by his sudden movement.

Without questioning your own actions anymore, you started kissing him, while rolling your hips a little, to rub your core against his crotch.

He kissed you back, placing hand on your hip while the other moved under your silky nightgown. His rough hand caressed your soft, warm skin.

Soon you were flipped so Joel was hovering over you. His kisses moved down to your neck and even lower, he quickly found himself between your legs.

Joel looked up at you, checking if you didn't change your mind.

You tried to rub thighs together while moaning quietly for him. "And don't try to tell me that you didn't want this before," you whispers and bit your lower lip, observing man's movements. "I've dreamt of it."

Placing your legs on his shoulders Joel moved nightgown up, exposing your belly.

"Well, I can see that just by the fact you're wet already," he hummed before giving your pussy a one big lick, after this he wrapped his lips around your clitoris.

Joel played with your bundle of nerves and soon his thick fingers started to slowly slip inside of you.

You grabbed one of his hands and placed it on your boob. "That's it, handsome. Just keep going," you praised softly and tangled your fingers with his hair.

You rolled hips gently to get a little more friction.

Despite the fact you didn't want to manifest it, he was right; you became wet as soon as you've seen him at your door.

He smiled against your flesh, his fingers slipped inside of you. They moved in fast pace, curling inside of your from time to time while his lips never left your clit. "Come on, princess. Don't hold it back, I know you want go cum."

"I... Want... To... Cum... Around your... Cock," you gasped and cupped his face with both of your hands, rolling hips faster, fucking yourself against his bearded face.

Joel continued to eat you out until he decided it was enough. He moved away only to sit up and removed his shirt along with his pants, he pushed them down enough to free his cock. There was no time for playing around. Joel grabbed your legs and pulled you closer. He took his cock and teased your clit with it. "Are ya still sure about it?"

"Yeah," you murmured, biting your lower lip. You traced your hand right between your thighs to rub your pussy. You were soaking wet, indeed.

"But hands we keep up here," he said and grabbed both of your hand, Joel moved them over your head and kept them there using one of his hands.

He lowered himself and kissed you, pushing his cock deep inside of you without any warning. Joel started to fuck you hard and deep.

You ached your back and wrapped legs around his hips, you did it to deepen his pushes.

His cock stretched you nicely, and you moaned lowly, gasping a little when his tip hit the back of your pussy.

He moved faster, thrusting deeper and deeper with every move. Joel groaned lowly at the nice feeling of your warm walls squeezing his hard cock.

"You like it, huh? Is this what you wanted?," He snarled and his free hand moved between your bodies to pinch your clit before rubbing it in a slow circles.

You closed your eyes, and parted lips, a moan escaped them, and you rolled your hips a little more for Joel.

Joel hummed satisfied, looking down on you. You looked so beautiful, just a whimpering mess under him, just because of him.

He released your hands so he could wrap this arm around your waist to deepen the thrusts as much as possible, Joel moved down to place few kisses and bites on your neck.

Your hands rapidly went to scratch his back where you scratched a little. You loved the way he was hovering over your figure, you felt secured, in his arms you felt like in home.

You let him do whatever he wanted, you felt how desperate he was for your touch as well, but you knew he would never admit it

He hummed nuzzling to your neck, placing few more kisses there. Oh, how he loved the feeling of your small fragile body trapped right under him.

"Come on, princess. I know you want to cum, I can feel it," Joel purred deeply right into your ear.

You nuzzled to his bare, naked chest. You trailed your lips along every scar on his body, you moaned in a rhythm of his thrusts.

But when your climax has came, you remained silent. Only a little gasp of yours and tightening grasp of your legs wrapped around Joel's hips determined the moment you've reached your peak.

Joel gave you few harder thrusts before cumming deep inside of you. "Fuck," he growled and nuzzled to your neck with a happy hum.

He stayed motionless for a moment, trying the gain back the control on his own breath. Suddenly, Joel chuckled, kissing your neck and cheek. "Honestly? I expected more sound from you, princess."

You gasped and blushed oh so hardly, you didn't expect him to be so open. "Joel," you gasped. You blushed harder when you felt how your mixed cums dripped down your thighs when he slipped out of your core.

He hummed and gave one one more teasing thrust before moving up to look at you. "What is it, princess?"

"Don't go... Please, Joel, don't go... Don't leave me... I won't survive..."

He hushed you, pulling out slowly and laying both of you in comfortable position on the small couch. "I ain't going anywhere. Now, try to get some rest, okay?," Joel whispered, kissing your forehead.

"And when I wake up, you'll be still here?," You asked, letting your eyes closed.

"Yeah, I promise. Cross on my heart," he said hugging you tight.

You quickly drifted into sleep, being flanked by a firm grasp of the arms you loved the most.

Pandies🐼: @imidarogerson @grossograsso @thewildgardensstuff @leven-and-ashley @la-verdura @bearded-steve-rogers @atuckyismylife @krispyjellyfishzombie @personality-within @haseki-huricihan @choppedgardenwhispers @vroobelek @lattimelka @chris-beamz @purepearls @volcanoxxx @kastrup-sofie @mikkal-akasaki @withoutashadowofhope @radbluebirdeagle @smutloversblog @buquete @super-psycho-love69 @tanglesss @peter-sommer @baysidewest @vegemania @philip-stan @chodiusmmm @tykorclint @dagger-dragger @kurant @oxfordkipem @deliciousbouquet90 @tuptuptup @hellenna80 @karina-marina9 @latimeriaaa @bratko @wurld89 @scott-evans @kiss-me-rouge @ovonel-espaniol @dancing-tacco @ratugadhi @white-tiger-shangrila @axn69 @eternal-life-awaits​ @mrs-laura-harmon @gleeeeees @darkllaama @jatut @agawux​ @fuzzy-tigrrr​ @jrjohnsson2​ @maaargoshaaa​ @einexx​ @nwmtagsb​ @secretlygrantaire​ @infinity-stones-seeker​ @thehappyspider​ @wings4life​ @huxyluxy​ @dontbeafraidchild​ @misafiryanki​ @electronicpatrolcollective​ @thisismysecrethappyplace​ @aulika​ @a-happy-wolf​ @creative-seahorse​ @biologyforliving​ @stareyedplanet​