Memes ;; Even More Incorrect Quotes - Tumblr Posts

✏️ for jason pls

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!

Roman: If I had a face like yours, I'd put it on a wall and throw a brick at it. Jason: If I had a face like YOURS, I'd put it on a brick and throw a wall at it.

Jason: *closes a cabinet* *a crash is heard behind the cabinet door* Roman: What was that? Jason: The sound of someone else's problem.

Jason: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times. Roman: You mean you stabbed them? Jason: They ran into my knife.

Roman: What's wrong with you? Jason: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

✏️

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!

Roman: Harley, how could you possibly have gotten into this much trouble in one day? Harley: It... It didn't take me the whole day...

Harley: Why are you like this?? Roman: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

Roman, trying to comfort Harley: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

Roman: Everything’s fine, Harley. Harley: Roman, I know your relationship with the english language is strictly casual, but you- I- *deep inhale* ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU WHAT’S NOT FINE.

Roman: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake. Harley: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear. Roman: ... Roman: You mean ring bearER, right? Harley: ... Roman: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

✏️

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!

Carmine: When I first met you, I did not like you. Roman: I'm aware of that. Carmine: But then you and I had some time together. Roman: Uh-huh? Carmine: It did not get better.

Roman: I could kill you if I wanted. Carmine: Yeah? So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.

Kidnapper: I have your partner. Carmine: What? I don't have a partner... Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face? Carmine: Oh my god, you have Roman.

Carmine: I feel so burnt out. Roman: Don’t worry, it'll be over soon. Carmine: Are you gonna... assassinate me? Roman: Well not if you’re expecting it.

✏️ ((uwu))

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!

Corinthian, holding a fork: You know you’re talking a lot of shit for someone who has 2 perfectly good eyeballs each cost about $16,000 on the blackmarket. Roman: .... Corinthian: *lip smack*

Corinthian: How does one turn their emotions off? Roman: Okay, so first go to settings. Roman: I'm a fucking idiot, I thought that said emojis at first. Corinthian: No, I'm still willing to try this, go ahead. I'm at settings, what do I do next?

Roman: Hey, Corinthian, what do you think it would be like if we had kids? Corinthian: What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly. Roman: No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? You ever think about it? Corinthian: Can't really say I have. Roman: You know, for someone as eccentric as yourself, you can be boring as fuck sometimes. Corinthian: Sorry, Roman. For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.

Corinthian: I just ended a five year relationship. Roman: Oh no, are you okay? Corinthian: It's okay, it wasn't mine.

Corinthian: Pick a card, any card. Roman: Fine. Corinthian: Wait, that's my credit card! Roman: You said any card.

✏️

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!

Jonathan: I can't imagine what Roman is planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.

Roman: We have fun, don’t we, Jonathan? Jonathan: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

Jonathan: Roman, this morning, I called you abhorrent and reprehensible, and I’d like to withdraw that statement- Roman: Aww, thanks- Jonathan: But I can't. Those are the 2 words that best describe you.

Roman: FUCK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED! Roman: BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF COMFORT YOU SUPPLY! Jonathan: Roman just threw a tantrum about a chair. Jonathan: I just won Roman Tantrum Bingo.

Jonathan: Happy October 32nd! Second Halloween! Roman: That doesn't exist. Jonathan: Not with that attitude.

✏️

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!

Mary: When I met you I thought you were a real bitch. Roman: What changed your mind? Mary: Oh, I still think you’re a bitch, I’ve just grown to like that about you.

Mary: What? I'm not aggressive! Roman: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips? Mary: Survival of the fittest, bitch.

Roman: Mary just said "I have an appetite for destruction" and then they reached down and untied my shoe.

Mary: Relationships should be 50/50. Roman cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

Roman: You're violent. Mary: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

Mary: Hey, wanna help me commit arson? Roman: What the hell!? Mary: Oh, sorry, my bad. Mary, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson? Roman, whispering: Of course. What do you need?

✏️

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!

Batman: I’m here for the cult stuff. Black Mask: How did you find us? Batman: I saw your ad on craigslist. 

Batman: Sorry I'm late, I was doing stuff. Black Mask: YOU PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!

Batman: You have an impressive pain tolerance. Black Mask: Thanks, it's the trauma.

Roman: I love them both, but how do I propose to two people? Bruce: Two different restaurants, one person at each restaurant. Twice the dessert, twice the applause. Roman: Won’t people think it’s weird if there is a third person just sitting there, though? Bruce: I saw someone feed their pet peacock crème brûlée from their mouth at the French place on the corner last week: I think faux third-wheeling at an engagement is the least of your worries.

Batman: Why would you think any of this was a good idea? Black Mask: Probably because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence. Batman: Black Mask: I don’t know how you keep forgetting this.

Bruce: I got grounded for a whole week just because I came home late. Roman: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone's hopes up like that and then showing up again.

✏️

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!

Black Mask: Hey Foxglove, listen, corporate makes us do this every year, but this is just a little manager evaluation form. You just fill it out, let them know how I'm doing, you know? Foxglove: Alright! Uh, "Is your manager manipulative?" Black Mask: I'd say "No" to that if I were you.

Black Mask: *walking around disappointed after visiting an aquarium* Foxglove: Black Mask, what did you think a tiger shark was?

Foxglove: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them?? Black Mask: What the hell do you do? Foxglove: I die? What kinda question...

Black Mask: How would you like your coffee? Foxglove: As dark as my soul. Black Mask: Got it, one cup of milk coming right up!

Foxglove: Let's just agree to both say we're sorry on the count of three. Foxglove: One... two... three. Black Mask: ... Foxglove: ... Foxglove: See, now I'm just disappointed in both of us.

Black Mask: I got an idea! Foxglove: Does it involve breaking the law? Black Mask: By now don’t you think that’s a given? Foxglove: I was just trying to be optimistic. Black Mask: Don’t bother.

✏️ IK WE HAVENT INTERACTED YET BUT

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!

Harley: We’re having a moment, aren’t we? Roman: If by 'a moment' you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.

Harley: Roman is not a morning person. Or a night person. There’s really only about seven minutes a day you are fun to be around. Roman: The best part is you never know when they’re coming.

Harley: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment...at all? Roman: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

Harley: Shouldn't get stressed out, it's not good for the baby. Roman: What baby? Harley, crying a bit: Me.

Harley: Mint is just cold spicy. The Squad: ... Roman: What the actual fuck is wrong with you.

Harley: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us. Roman: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

Roman: I’m going to hell. Harley: Probably. Roman: I'll pick you up? Harley: *nodding* Carpool.

✏️

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!

Roman: I have issues. Oswald: Finally, you admit it! The first step to redemption is accept- Roman: With you.

Oswald: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell! Roman: *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!

Roman: Oswald, my old friend! Oswald: I think you tried to kill me at some point. Roman: That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.

Oswald: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Roman, are a fucking cactus.

Roman: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why. Oswald: Only if you also don't ask why. Oswald: *pulls four pristine human skulls out of their bag* Roman: ... Roman, grabbing a skull: This one will do.

Oswald: BWWAAAAAAAAAA! Oh, you hear that? That's the wrong opinion alarm. Roman: That is not something you actually have installed. Oswald: Sorry, say again? I couldn't hear you over my alarm that YOU SET OFF with your WRONG-ASS OPINION.

✏️

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!

Eliza: Did it hurt when you fell- Roman: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt- Eliza: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs. Roman: ... Eliza: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

Roman: The universe is cold and unfeeling. The only constant is chaos. Eliza: Was that place out of chocolate-chip pancakes again?

Eliza: I made tea. Roman: I don't want tea. Eliza: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea. Roman: Then why did you tell me? Eliza: It's a conversation starter. Roman: It's a horrible conversation starter. Eliza: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Roman: If I die, you can have what little I own. Eliza: Wait. What do you mean "if" you die? Roman: My unending existence is fuelled by pure spite, that of which the painful experiences of life have rendered me full. Eliza: Eliza: *Sighs* Let me call your therapist again.

Eliza: *shatters a window and climbs through it* Eliza: *turns around and helps Roman through it* Breaking and entering is wrong Roman. Roman: Okay.

Eliza: You use humor to deflect your trauma. Roman: Awww, thanks- Eliza: That’s not a good thing. Roman: All I’m hearing is that you think I’m funny.

✏️

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!

Black Mask: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT! Red Hood: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone. Black Mask: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch? Red Hood: Somehow that's worse.

Red Hood: I'm trying to juggle family life and work life but I can't seem to find a balance. What do you suggest I do to keep everyone happy? Black Mask, deadpan: Quit your job, kill your family.

Black Mask: You’d be stupid to lay a hand on me. Red Hood: Oh, you’d be surprised how much stupid shit I do.

Red Hood: If you really want to get back at a man, scare him with a pregnancy test. I’ve got a whole box of old positives at my house. Black Mask: You’re an American treasure.

Black Mask: Well Red Hood, I have to say, I'm really disappointed. Red Hood: Well, you didn't HAVE to say it. You could've just thought it.

Red Hood: Can you pass the salt? Black Mask: Can you pass away? Red Hood: Too much salt.

Red Hood: Whether or not I pay income taxes is none of the government's business. Black Mask: No, well, actually, it is. Red Hood: You don't know my name or what I look like, good luck finding me.

✏️ - if you're still accepting, I yeet Em at you for these ridiculously amazing quotes

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!

Black Mask: I’ve invited you here because I crave the deadliest game... Em, nodding: Knife Monopoly. Black Mask: I was actually going to play Russian roulette, but now I'm really interested in whatever knife Monopoly is.

Em: Who hurt you? Black Mask: *snorting* What, do you want a list? Em: ...Yes, actually.

*Black Mask is speaking on the phone* Black Mask: Yeah, I'm with Em. Em: Im fucking dying- Black Mask: Yep, they're okay. Em: I have a knife in my chest! Black Mask: No, they can't talk right now. They're sleeping, sorry. Em: IM BLEEDING OUT-

Em: Do you think I’m ugly? Black Mask: It’s not about looks, Em. What’s valuable is on the inside... Em: Black Mask... Black Mask: For example, someone's heart. Em: Aw... Stop it- Black Mask: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know. Em: Seriously, stop.

Black Mask, at Em's funeral: I need a moment with them. Everyone: Of course. *They leave* Black Mask, leaning over Em′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead. Em: Yeah, no shit.

Em: I wouldn’t put it in those words exactly. Black Mask: Why not? Em: Because I don't know what they mean.

✏️ (( from @pam-a-la-fuckyou even tho we haven’t interacted but hi!!

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!

Black Mask: What are you drinking? Poison Ivy: Vodka. Black Mask: Straight? Poison Ivy: No, gay. Why?

Poison Ivy: Black Mask, can I speak to you for a minute? In private. Black Mask: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that.

Black Mask: Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey! Poison Ivy: But I'm a vegan. Black Mask: Wakey Wakey Vegetables and Sadness.

Poison Ivy: If I ever had a child, I imagine they would be a lot like you. Black Mask: Aww, thanks— Poison Ivy: Which is probably why I’ve never reproduced.

Black Mask: How are you today? Poison Ivy: Please don’t make me think about my life.

Poison Ivy: She's the girl of my dreams! Black Mask: You say every girl is the girl of your dreams. Poison Ivy: I have a lot of dreams.

Black Mask: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so BABY OIL- Poison Ivy: CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A NICE FAMILY DINNER FOR ONCE?!

✏️ if you want! Hehe

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ!

Roman: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!? Katie, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what. 

Katie: This is a very powerful artifact. You’d be messing with some forces we don’t fully understand. Roman: That sounds like a dare to me. Katie: Oh my god.

Roman: Everyone knows that Santa is an invention designed by the big five corporations to sell tinsel and video games to an unsuspecting public. Katie: The whole “childhood wonder” stage just blew right past you, didn’t it?

Katie, texting: Answer your phone Roman, texting back: Wait a minute, I can’t find my phone Katie: Understood Katie, 5 minutes later: You’re a terrible person. You know you’re killing me. You’re killing me, Roman.

Roman: Why is it that I always lose things as soon as I need them? Katie: Actually, it's not that you lose things when you need them. You lose them a while before. It's just that you LOOK for things when you need them. Roman: Okay yeah thanks Katie, that's great but WHERE'S THE FUCKING FIRST AID KIT?

Katie with a gun to Roman's head: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven? Roman: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.

✏️ 👀👀

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ! (Not accepting any more!)

Noetic: What the fuck is wrong with you?? Black Mask: What? No good morning? Noetic: Good morning, what the fuck is wrong with you??

Noetic: I’ve been sleeping so little the past few nights that when I go to the alarm app, I click on the “power nap” button. I don’t set up alarms, I set up timers, Black Mask.

Black Mask: That sounds super! Doesn’t that sound super, Noetic? Noetic: No. Black Mask: I think I speak for Noetic when I say it sounds really super.

Noetic: Come on Black Mask, do it for our friendship. You can't put a price on that... Black Mask: Yes I can, dear. Fifty dollars.

Black Mask: Good morning. As you begin your day, remember that violence is always an option and often the answer. Noetic: Black Mask: Noetic: ...Please, go back to bed.

Noetic: Black Mask, you're testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow, and the D.A. is worried about how you'll present yourself on the stand. Black Mask: Why? I'm fine on the stand! *flashback to Testimony #1* Black Mask: Look, I'll make this real simple so even these dumdums can understand. Black Mask, to the jury: MAN DID CRIME. *flashback to Testimony #2* Black Mask: I'm sorry, could you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face? Defense Attorney, next to the crying defendant: ...Crying? *flashback to Testimony #3* Black Mask: And when this is over, I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna break those little fingers. Judge: Could the witness please stop threatening the stenographer?

✏️ // if you're still accepting? One for Sylvia @shinebrightsweetdove

Eᴠᴇɴ Mᴏʀᴇ Iɴᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ Qᴜᴏᴛᴇs Gᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀ! (Not accepting any more!)

Black Mask: My assistance will be an act of beneviolence. Sylvia: ...Don’t you mean benevolence? Black Mask: No. 

Sylvia: Do you want to be the Sun in my life? Black Mask: Yes. Sylvia: Good, then stay 92,935,700 miles away from me :)

Black Mask: I can’t believe all these people are wearing black. black is supposed to be my thing, they’re all just posers. Sylvia: Black Mask, for the last time, we’re at a funeral.

Sylvia: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated. Black Mask: Killed without hesitation.

Black Mask: You saved me! Why? Sylvia: People would think I murdered you if I didn't.

Sylvia: When you've been on the internet for as long as I have, you develop thick skin. Black Mask: Navy blue isn't your color. Sylvia: Navy blue brings out my eyes you prick! *Chases after Black Mask*

Sylvia: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy. Black Mask: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep. Sylvia: I said within reason, Black Mask. How about I murder that guy? Black Mask: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't? Sylvia: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?