Mental Heath - Tumblr Posts
I’m so sorry this has happened! The people who did this are actually immature and you don’t deserve this negative feed back! Your art and animations are amazing and some of the best I’ve ever seen but if you do stop we all understand because this is something that really damages someone.
so if this is your last big project I hope when your done you take time for yourself and recover from this and to the people who have been harassing you they don’t know how good something is when it’s gone, we all will miss you but whatever choice you make we respect that. Please don’t feel like your horrible at everything you do because you aren’t and you starting this show was an amazing idea, but please take your time to recover after your done with this and take time to recharge your mental health, you probably will ignore this but I just wanted to say this for my biggest inspiration to everything I do. Thank you for everything Jakei for your comics, art, animations you will be missed when you’re done with this.
ENGLISH: Underverse 0.8 part 1 might be the last Underverse episode I publish. I'm done with the toxicity, the hypocrisy, and the bias. I give up trying to explain that I'm not a monster, I just wanted to have fun with a video game that made me happy. I'm not sure if I'll come back or want to make content on YouTube anymore, I'll have to take a long break after this, find another job, I don't know, stay ayaw from all this. Every year, it's the same thing, and I don't feel comfortable in this fandom anymore. I'm not mentally okay. I'm done pretending all this hate is not affecting me. Maybe if I step aside, these people will get the attention they've been wishing for, since there won't be that person and her work they hate so much. They feel I shouldn't have gotten an opportunity in the first place and that they could've done way better, as if this fandom were a competition. Or they'll just find another target to turn into a pariah. I'll make an announcement when the trailer/full episode will be released. ESPAÑOL:
Underverse 0.8 parte 1 podría ser el último episodio de Underverse que publique. Estoy harta de la toxicidad, la hipocresía y los prejuicios.
Me rindo tratando de explicar que no soy un monstruo, solo quería divertirme con un videojuego que me hacía feliz. No estoy segura si volveré o si querré hacer contenido en YouTube nuevamente. Tendré que tomarme un largo descanso después de esto, buscar otro trabajo, no sé, alejarme de todo esto.
Cada año es lo mismo, y ya no me siento cómoda en este fandom. No estoy bien mentalmente. Estoy cansada de fingir que todo este odio no me afecta.
Tal vez si me hago a un lado, estas personas obtendrán la atención que tanto han deseado, ya que no estará esa persona y su trabajo que tanto odian, que sienten que no debería haber tenido una oportunidad en primer lugar y que podrían haberlo hecho mucho mejor, como si este fandom se tratase de una competencia. O simplemente encontrarán otro objetivo para convertir en un paria.
Haré un anuncio cuando el tráiler/ episodio completo esté listo para ser publicado.
Yup. Even creating music is ridiculously pricey. If you don't already have instruments from your childhood, you're basically screwed, and that's not even getting into the cost of your average DAW--even the cheap ones are either a recurring subscription or cost nearly a month's rent.
Work-life balance & self-care & all that good shit woulda been easier if hobbies & recreations that don't include The App and Walking Around weren't turning into luxury activities from which people like me, aka 99% of all adults, are getting priced out of more with each passing day
Just in case any of you aren't looking forward to celebrating christmas this weekend.
You're not alone in this. 🖤
TW: brief mentioning of selfharm
I know I tend toward "whiny ass bitch mode" on here from time to time. I really do try to bring something of value to the table in all my rambling tho.. some sort of insight, advise or another perspective on things..
At some point I will try to collect my thought reguarding selfharm [in it's physical form at least] and hopefully be able to give you.. something? that might help you/people close to you out somehow. I unfortunately have years and years of experience in the subject so I'm sure there's quite a few things in there that're usefull. Right now tho my mind isn't really in a good place with that.. I will get to it tho, I promise. And in the meantime I'm always avalible on DMs if there's anything specific on your minds.
Take it easy out there [and on yourselves] these upcoming days. K? 🖤 I know they can be an absolute shitstorm.
I am so manic that I can’t even make it relatable
An episode of mania almost always always always starts out so euphorically, makes you feel like you’re on the perfect drug, makes your confidence and motivation sky rocket and has you romanticizing all the fun it baits you with. It feels so amazing, you feel like nothing can hurt you or get to you.
Then the irritability comes, genuine rage, such an uncomfortable and overwhelming increase in libido, dangerous impulses, social behavior to be humiliated from by the time you crash, severe sleep deprivation that disorients the fuck out of you the longer you go without it, without even feeling tired at all. But feeling completely out of control. And if it escalates, Lord help you. Hallucinations, bad paranoia, black outs, substance abuse (or relapse if you happen to be recovering), delusions, everything that could get you into a psych ward. It isn’t fun at the end and any pleasure you feel is completely illusionary.
The worst part is I still normally never want it to stop. Because the depression after, which gets so ugly and terrible the longer, more intense the mania is, is something I’m not looking forward to at all. That, and mania can really sometimes convince you that you love it. I’m not wanting to go there though, because I have a lot to lose. Even if I don’t lose anything, I’m tired of this cycle and just can’t afford to desire it anymore. So I’m managing where I can, but wow it’s just scary to watch it take you higher and higher into it, and further and further away from yourself.
This is precisely why I despise any sort of stigma toward bipolar disorder. It’s so misunderstood, misquoted, and mistreated. I just really want and need some help. My hands are so sweaty and shaky, my heart and my mind are racing, I can’t stop talking, I can’t eat. I can’t focus, I can only fixate. And it’s just so overwhelming already.
Ain’t nothing like avoiding your therapy sessions so your therapist doesn’t discover you’re manic or off meds again, avoiding their disappointment, avoiding the immediate hospitalization you know would come from that
hating nostalgia because it's rose tinted glasses is overrated. I say to myself while i remember spending my summers in a very depressed state "you remember this on a more positive light than it probably was"
yes, i embrace both views, i know its a fake high, i know that its a euphoric memory with strong middle notes of emptiness. if it reminds and makes me feel depressed why not appreciate that my brain sprinkles sugar in it.
i pick my raw thought, "staying at home on summer, dying of heat, i feel miserable for no reason, i discover future funk, its a nice genre"
and sprinkle sugar....
now it's "summer sucks so much i just want this to end please be winter. i get my phone, i click on a playlist of a genre with EUPHORIC DANCEABLE BEATS, OH MY GOD, IT SOUNDS SO JOYFUL IT'S FUNKY ITS FUTURISTIC, ITS FUTURE FUNK MY LIFE CHANGED FOREVER AFTER THIS, I WILL NEVER FORGET THE HIGH I FELT WHEN I DISCOVERED THIS IS THIS WHAT HAPINESS SOUNDS LIKE???"
people who cope by having an endless cycle of short term goals solely to distract you and keep your mind busy and cant see themselves doing nothing/relaxing/enjoying life without falling apart we're in this together