Redacted Incorrect Quotes - Tumblr Posts

Redacted Characters And Listeners As Things That I Or My Friends Have Said/Conversations We've Had:

Marcus: I wish I saw what people see in me fr

Asset: A bunch of organs?

Milo: But ok I wouldn't have high standards if I was Benedict Cumberbatch

Asher: Anyway, hope you're having fun with your book. Don't bite it in half or smth.

(Later)

Baabe: I surprisingly did not.

(Conversation about two different romance books)

Gavin: I was like, yes Rhys, get it-

Freelancer: I thought we were talking about Edward and Bella

Gavin: WHAT. GOODNIGHT. No.

Freelancer: I did not check the switch from Edward and Bella to Mister Fake-Latin-Name

Gavin: FAKE LATIN NAME💀

(Discussion of past relationships)

Darlin: I will show you convos of me and my ex-bf

Angel: Hold up when did you have a bf?

Darlin: Used to be my gf, turned out to be trans

Angel: Ohhh right right I remember

Darlin: The only time my friends believed I was gay

Lovely: Okay, Twilight shaped me into the deranged mess I am today, you should thank it.

Milo: Happy new year

Sweetheart: Make a wish

Milo: I want a big ass

Sweetheart: I want big tits

Milo: You can have mine

Sweetheart: Gladly

Milo: Only for you bbg

Vincent: Are you team Edward or team Jacob?

Sam: Neither- but if I had to pick I'm with the wolf all the way

Vincent: I FUCKING KNEW IT

Vincent: You werewolf-obsessed ass...

Sam: Though, Alice and Jasper were my pansexual awakening I'll be honest

Vincent: Alice 🧎‍♀️

Darlin: But still, call a therapist so you can get an appointment in a year. The longer you wait the longer... you'll have to wait- That sounded better in my head.

David: I have noticed just by talking to you.

Lasko: Can you promise me something real quick because otherwise I'll forget

Freelancer: Okok I mean tell me what to promise and maybe I'll do it.

Lasko: When I get my next paycheck you need to force me to buy the "Are You Lasky?" Shirt.

Lasko: I need to be the joke.

Because They're Funny, I've Taken More Things My Friend Has Said And Shoved Them Down Some Characters'/Listeners' Throats.

Elliott: Do you want one of my Mars ice cream? They're great depression food.

Sunshine: I'm lactose intolerant.

Elliott: ._.

Darlin: I'mma go look if I have them on Blu-ray. I probably don't, but I wanna check.

Sam: Yeh you do that.

Darlin: Oh you're coming with me, it's 1:08am - I ain't going nowhere on my own

Sam: I will be here, don't worry.

(Book ramble intensifies)

Lasko: Oh my god I'm rambling why didn't you say something?

Water Elemental: I like listening to people talk, that's why -w-

Lasko: :')

Water Elemental: It's one of my few good qualities-

Lasko: SHSHSHSH

Baabe: I mean, I've read quite a few books over the last two years, sooo

Asher: "Quite a few" 100+

Baabe: No... 96.

Asher: Same thing.

(Gacha games)

Angel: I pulled Herrscher of Human Ego just for the sake of it and now I don't know what to do with her

David: Who..?

Angel: Pink hot girl with cuteness and ice damage

David: Oh

(Texting at a family reunion)

Darlin: I want to go back to my laptop

Angel: Oh, you're on your phone?

Darlin: Ye I'm in the living room being social and all that happy shit with my family

Angel: Dang

Sam: They're such a golden retriever sometimes.

David: "Sometimes" - You know, when they're not killing people.

Lovely: I just woke up, sorry.

Vincent: Did you sleep well?

Lovely: No, the heat is awful and I want to kill the sun.

(Trying to write a book but the person helping you has seen too many bad fan-fictions.)

Angel: Please don't put the word "dominated" into a serious context because I will fold laughing.

Baabe: WOW OK

Angel: I'M SORRY-

Baabe: Would "conducted" make you feel better?

Angel: T r a i n s- but yea.

Baabe: What? Why trains?

Angel: Because train conductor? Trains.

Baabe: Oh...

Baabe: No.

Darlin: How does it feel to have me rant this chat filled with my need for hot vampire men? Great, I know ._.

Angel: This is actually quite entertaining, I have to admit.

First week of my vacation is over, so here are Redacted characters and listeners as things that have been said/things I've thought:

David: I've bought you the ice cream you wanted.

Asher: Ooh, thanks!

David: But they didn't have lemon nor did they have cookie, so I just got you three scoops of chocolate.

Asher: What kind of bullshit ice cream store is that?!

Darlin: I want to go home.

Sweetheart: I haven't had a warm meal in six days.

Milo: Sweetheart, we've been here for a week.

Sweetheart: Exactly.

Asher: I want to go on a hike!

Baabe: Don't.

David: Please don't.

Asher: Why not?

David: You'll get lost.

Asher: It's fine! I'll take Tank with me!

Tank: I would rather die.

Darlin: I can't find the light switch!

Sam: It's around the corner.

Darlin: There's nothing here!

Sam: On the left to the bathroom door?

Darlin: ... I knew that.

Baabe: Why did I pack pens but no paper?

Darlin: David?

David: Yes?

Darlin: When you book the tickets for the train ride back home, please seat us the same way as on the ride here.

David: But there was a booking error and you had to sit two carts away from us.

Darlin: E x a c t l y .

Baabe: T-T

Asher: Baabe, what's the matter? Why are you crying?

Baabe: I can't fit my entire bookshelf into this backpack T-T

David: I'm going shopping, do you want anything?

Angel: Soda!

Asher: Chips!

Baabe: More paper, please!

Milo: I wouldn't mind some more soda.

David: How about you, Sweetheart?

Sweetheart: Nah, I'm good.

David: How are you like this?-

Darlin: I want more crushed ice!

David: Thank you for being like this, actually.

Sweetheart: No problem.

Darlin: You've got wet hair. Took a shower last night?

Sam: I'll have you know that I waited until five in the morning so I wouldn't wake anyone.

The Redacted cast as shit I say too much:

Milo: We love a man who [insert anything] his girlfriend/wife/mother of his children.

Lovely: Love that.

Vincent: Lovely.

Asher: I'm gonna take a sleepy now.

Freelancer: Oh waw. [Usually accompanied by: O-O]

Gavin: *insert any swear word at all*

Brachium: I forgot. [Occasionally accompanied by: ._."]

Damien: Tf are you supposed to be? [Or: Tf is that supposed to be?]

Darlin: I'll talk to you later. [I, in fact, won't talk to you later. I'll text you again in three months. Goodbye.]

Vega: I am very sane.

Redacted characters/listeners as me talking about fanfic to my friend:

Tank: That moment when you read a fic's description without reading the tags and just get hit in the face by some a/b/o shit.

David: I did not consent to this bullshit.

Angel: All of these fics make me feel very vanilla ngl-

Vincent: Also yes, I probably will keep sending you random shit from the fics I'm reading right now. You're welcome.

Baabe: Ah yes,

Bright Eyes: [insert several screenshots of various fics they're reading]

Bright Eyes: I'm having a great time, can you tell?

Frederick: I'm in class.

Fic: [Wordcount 15k+, 1/? Chapter]

Freelancer: I am not about to put in this much effort for a fucking unfinished pokemon AU.

Asher: Reading this damn near gave me a stroke for some reason *cough* sleepy *cough*

Gavin: I require bottoms.

Freelancer, incredibly offended: Excuse you??

Gavin: No love, get your mind out of the gutter. I ran out of pants yesterday.

Freelancer: Then just say that???

David: Hey Darlin' how has your day been?

Darlin': Well, I woke up at 8, had depression for four hours, and then I brushed my teeth for the first time in like two weeks. I also used moisturizer for my face and that was really nice- Oh, and I almost threw up like two hours ago because I didn't eat all day but then I ate a pudding so now I'm better and-

David: You didn't brush your teeth in how long?

Doc: I can't find my straw for the milkshake...

Hush: Then just use this!

[Holds up a chopstick]

Doc: That's not... *disappointed(?) sigh*

I have a real Freelancer-type post in my drafts rn

Gavin: The moon looks beautiful, doesn’t it? Lasko, looking at Gavin: Yeah… but do you know what’s more beautiful? Gavin and Lasko in unison: *sighs* Freelancer