Scoups Angst - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

[8:08 pm]

“Seungcheol one shot”

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol x female reader

Genre: Angst,

Warnings: mention of blood and self harm

Word count: 1.3 K

A/N: i want to say, don't hurt yourself no matter what, things will get better, just don't hurt yourself, you are really precious to some people out there. If things get hard, hang on there, things will get better

.

[8:08 pm]

I shut the door, infront of her face, she can’t make me feel shit like this, she can’t, not after I wanted to be happy for once. She didn’t have to come to me just to make me feel miserable.

Even I have no idea how devastated I was, everything just hurts at this point. I wanted to get rid of all the thoughts, I was helpless, her guilt tripping worked on me, and I am really feeling like a mistake.

‘You are the worst child ever’

‘You don’t deserve to be here’

‘Hope no one ever gets a child like you’

‘I wish I never had you’

‘You are of no use, why are you still here’

‘You are such a rebel who never does anything I want and never listens to me. You will be alone, forever. Everyone will leave you’

‘You can never survive, no one needs you here’

These words hurts me, everytime I hear from her, but today it did something more to me, which I never wanted myself to feel, she told me everything I was feeling the same. Her words worked on me; I wanted to do something for once and finally I did but she can’t see my happiness and she cares about her reputation and everything? Is it this hard for her to accept me the way I am.

Am I really a mistake?

Will I be alone? Forever? Everyone will leave me one day? These thoughts scare me everytime, and this is scaring me, this is my biggest fear. I can’t stop crying, my heart hurts, I am alone, I miss warmth, am I really alone?

I want someone to hug me tight, I want someone by my side, because I can’t do this anymore, I want to end this suffering, I was few steps away from self-harming, I stopped it but why am I looking for ways to do this? just because it’s my coping mechanism? i can’t do this to myself not after he saved me. He always told me he will there be by my side, whenever I feel alone.

The room is filled with my crying noises only, “No, I can’t do this” this was the only thing I was saying to myself just to calm down and stop whatever I am doing but it wasn’t helping, my mind wasn’t listening to me.

I was holding phone in one hand, I went through the contacts and called him right away, I can’t do this anymore, I need to hear his voice. My tears were blurring my vision, I tried calling him once, twice, thrice, but my call was never answered, my phone fell from my hand. My legs went weak, I couldn’t think straight, is this everyone wants? Am I really a mistake? Should I leave? No one needs me here, everyone left me alone already, what am I waiting for?

“one more step and suffering will end here only.” The devastation in me was clearly visible, which couldn’t take it anymore.

Tears started falling more, I couldn’t stop crying, the feeling of being alone was eating me, my comfort person is not here, why can’t I deal with myself alone?

‘If you are depressed, you have to get help from people around you. Don't do it on your own’ his words were ringing in my ears, but my mind wasn’t listening to it at all.

I am just alone after all, I wish I was bit stronger to handle this, her arguments make me hurt more than anything else, it was not the first time I am like this, she was the reason I started self-harm, she never knew, she can never, I was losing myself everyday but there was this one person who helped me to get back at myself, I thought I was getting better but I don’t see myself doing better, she can break me into pieces. The power her words hold that she can make feel shit, unloved, alone, miserable and I can’t help but to absorb it instead of ignoring.

What can I do she is my mother after all?

I was holding the blade, so tight, that my other palm was already bleeding, “one more step” and everything ends.

That’s when I thought everything is over, there I saw him running, he came running towards me, and hugged me tight, the blade fell on the floor.

Blood already started flowing through my hand and leaving the stains on the floor, my legs went weak, I fell, he was still holding me tight in his embrace.

“Erica!”

There I broke down, my cries got louder, how he comes and saves me everytime?

“what were you trying to do just now?” he shook me hard, looked at me and then hugged me again

“You are not this weak Erica, you are not this weak, how many time I have told you, I am here for you, I can’t lose you Erica not you”

“I can’t do this anymore Seungcheol, I can’t do this anymore” I was holding him tight, my bloody hands were holding his shirt tight, making his white shirt go red. He was caressing my back, he was trying to calm me but I wanted to let it out, I just couldn’t stop crying. My cries got louder and louder; I just couldn’t think straight. What was I trying to do just now, I was trying to end everything? What about my loved ones?

“Please stay Seungcheol, please stay.” I was sounding so desperate; I just couldn’t think of anything else but him and his warmth.

“I am here love, I will never leave you, so stop hurting yourself.”

“This hurts, she hurts me everytime cheol, this is so sick.” My cries were never ending.

He lifts me up, and made me sit on the bed, he was about to go, I held the hem of his shirt, “I am not going anywhere. I am here” he removed my grip and went to bring the first aid box. He came back, he was sitting on the floor, he took my hand, he was cleaning the blood

“don’t give the power to anyone to ruin you and make you feel like this, that you want to end everything” his words making my body numb, I couldn’t help but to cry harder. “always remember you are someone’s pride, happiness and source of strength”

“I’m sorry” that was all I could utter, even I don’t know myself what was I doing back then, how come he always makes me feel better whenever I feel like everything’s over.

He cleaned the blood carefully and applied ointment; he was dressing it carefully. I couldn’t help but to cry more. He always takes care of me.

“Is it hurting a lot?” he asked softly, I shook my head.

“Cheol?”

“Hmm” he hummed

“Can I please cuddle with you? Please?” my voice broke while speaking.

“Let me keep this first aid box” he was so tender with his words, his voice is my comfort, I just can’t help it but to love him more, how come I was thinking of leaving everything behind and put everything to and end. The way his love made me stronger, I don’t want to leave him, he is my everything, my pride, my happiness and my strength.

He kept the first aid box and came towards me, he was cuddling with me and pulled the blanket and covered me, I hugged him tight and I felt safe. He was caressing my hair, “love” his voice was nearly a whisper

“hmm?”

“don’t care too much about other, love and trust yourself more and I am here for you, forever. So never do it again please, it scares me. I don’t want you to do something like this because of someone who never cared for you.”

“I’m sorry”

“I love you, I can’t lose you, you are so precious to me and to everyone” he kissed my forehead.

“I love you, thankyou so much for everything Seungcheol” I said and closed my eyes.

[11:30 pm]

“Seungcheol one shot”

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol x female reader

Genre: Angst

Warnings: no warning as far as I know, it’s a sad one

Word count: 822 words

A/N: this was in my drafts, i dont know how's it, but hope you like this ; i actually wanted to write for people who feel they are not loved, we don't need any reason to be love 🥺💕

[11:30 pm]

Tears weren’t stopping, I wished I never went there to visit them; it hurts. Going back home, is it even my home? Is it called home? That’s absurd. Whenever I go back there; they just humiliate me for what I am doing and for not coming back home after I left it years ago. I go there for monthly visit and still get treated like shit; I can’t handle this. I apologize for things I haven’t done. I am not going there back again. every time this happens, they never appreciated my presence just comparing me with all the shit. I never asked for anything but still they keep on going on like I am the main problem in their life. Every time I say I won’t go but I always go back to them, why? Because they are my parents. I try not to care but I know myself well.

Tears were making my sight blurry; I was somehow driving. Keeping myself sane with music, it’s the only thing which can keep me sane and calm. I reached my apartment; it was still raining outside. I parked my car and went out of the car, rain made me wet. Rain pouring on me, just wanted me to cry harder, as if it’s telling me to cry. Slowly step after step, I reached the door and pressed the bell, trying to hold back tears.

He opened the door, he was shocked at first when he saw me and his eyes showed me how worried he was, “are you okay? Why are you soaked? Come inside? What happened?? Tell me”

All I could do was nod him, he held my hand tight and brought me inside. “remove your shoes and stay here” he went inside running and came back running to me, he brought towels with him. He covered me with one and another towel on my head; he brought me inside.

“Do you want to change first? You are totally soaked Min, you’ll catch a cold. I brought your clothes; do you want to change?” he was about to go to bedroom but I held his wrist.

“Seungcheol ah, why… why do you-love m-me?” I hardly managed to ask him, he looked at me with those worried eyes which can just tell you a story how much he is worried right now.

“Min, are you okay?”

“tell me first, why do you love me?” my cries got louder, everything was hurting as usual but this time it was hurting a lot, like it never did. I was breaking down into pieces, I wasn’t okay, it was paining and hurting.

“I asked you Min”

“Why do you love me when everyone hates me?!? I don’t understand, it feels like you are the only person who cares for me? Since childhood, I’ve lost friends, even my bestfriend left me and I till date I don’t know why, is it because of me? or was our bond that weak or did my parents do something? I never know. Every time it hurts, it still does but this time it’s hurting more, it shouldn’t hurt like this. I always think I am strong, and I shouldn’t get affected by all this but how can I fool myself? They hate me and say things like I shouldn’t have bo-

He sealed me with a kiss.

“Never say that, I love you and you should know that only, it doesn’t matter if someone hates you or not. You are the one whom I love, that’s it.”

“Seung-cheol” I couldn’t hold it anymore, he hugged me tight. “I’m sorry, I am sorry” I just think I should apologize for everything and for everyone.

“Don’t be sorry, don’t cry. You didn’t do anything and don’t cry”

I nodded and hugged me tight, “my baby” he smiled at me

He always cares for me, whenever I’m with him, I feel safe, just safe. I don’t know how he loves me because till now I never understood why he loves me. No one loves me till now, I was always that loner and I fell in love with this person. He was the only one who helped me, cared for me, walked me till the bus stop, waited for me outside after school and college hours. Just one incident in school, being partners for a project changed everything.

“I love you for who you are Min, you’re brave, you don’t fake anything, I’ve seen you since we were in high school and till now, I never regretted loving you. You are perfect the way you are, you are someone who was sent by heaven, and you need love and care; if someone or no one can give, I am here, to give you the love and care you need. I love you, more than you can imagine my love”

“thank you for loving me, thank you so much”

i missed you;

“Seungcheol one shot”

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol x female reader

Genre: Slice of life, a bit of angst

Warnings: mention of pregnancy

Word count: 2.1 K

A/N: Finally I am posting this, this was in my drafts since a long time; lemme know if you like this, I was wondering cheol would be the best dad for sure.

“Sehyun baby where are you?” I called her. I kept the bowl after washing; I rinsed my hands and took off the apron. I went to the living room searching for her “Sehyun, baby, Choi Sehyun where are you baby?”

“Mommy!!” I felt a back hug and I looked back and her. She was smiling sweetly at me; I bent to her level and ruffled her hair. “Baby where were you?”

“I miss daddy” she was looking down, I picked her up in my embrace; “Dad is coming today baby, we will go to airport soon. We need to get ready” she was holding something in her hands.

“What are you holding love?” I asked her, she smiled at me, “Chocolates!!! I want to give chocolates to daddy.”

“Awww, my baby” I kissed her and she hugged me tight. I miss him a lot but Sehyun must be, missing him more than me, she was just one and half years old when she hugged him last and felt his touches. I can’t imagine how Sehyun will react when she will see him. ‘Seungcheol, I want to see you, I miss you’. I am just happy he is finally coming back.

I looked at the time, it was 5 pm already, “baby we need to go change because we will go meet daddy soon, okay?” she nodded and smiled. I took her to our bedroom and changed her into a cream colour dress with cherry print on it. I combed her hair and made her sit on the bed. I went to my closet to choose something; I was going through my clothes and noticed the white dress I brought on my birthday last month; I took it out. I wanted to try it, I wore it once only, “Sehyun… should mommy wear this?”

“You will look pretty mommy!!!” she was smiling so wide; I love her so much. I went to her and kissed her on her cheeks. She got his eyes, her eyelashes are long just like him, her dimples remind me of him. All the beautiful features are from him, the way she resembles him the most; makes her look so lovely.

I changed into the white dress, and let my hair down. I combed my bangs and applied light makeup, and cherry lip tint. I looked at my wedding ring for the last time and smiled, it shined when I moved my finger; it reminded me how he put the wedding ring in my finger so carefully that day. I can’t believe we came this far together, from dating and being campus sweethearts to husband and wife, who have a little angel now. It’s been five years since we got married and Sehyun is three years, everything feels like a dream, a dream I would never want to wake up. I grabbed my car key, phone, my sling bag and picked up Sehyun in my arms. “baby let’s go”

I went down, wore my heels and helped Sehyun with her shoes. She looked adorable. “Mommy ready!!” she looked so excited; this is my first time taking Sehyun with me to the airport to pick Seungcheol alone. I locked the door and Sehyun ran to the car. “Sehyun don’t run, you will fall” I told her but she is just like him, she won’t listen and will do what she wants to do.

“Mommy open! I want to go inside” she was jumping near the car, she looked more excited from me; I walked to her and unlocked the car. I made her sit in the middle, of the back seat and put on the straps on her from both the side; making sure she is seated safely. I double checked on her and got into the car. “Love let’s go” and I started driving. I turned on soft music, “Mommy, I can’t wait.”

“Yes baby, I know. But let mommy drive now, or else if I get distracted, we will get into an accident.”

“Okay mommy, I will not call you while driving” I could see her soft small smile from the mirror, she is cute.

“Good girl” Sehyun is a three years old girl, but the way she always listens to me when she should and that always amaze me, she is growing up well.

There were times when she would cry and tell she is missing seungcheol; she would call him and cry all night. Some sleepless nights were just painful, she would just cry and looking at her would make me cry and hurt; even if I miss him, but looking at her makes my heart hurt. She’s too precious and the way she reminds me of him, I miss him more and more. I can’t forget those days when I was carrying Sehyun inside, he used to take care of me like I’m a fragile glass. He would always deal with my mood swings, take care of my weird cravings, always comfort me after my morning sickness, he wouldn’t let me do any work at all and what not, he used to take days off just to take care of me, it was very hard for him I could see that but he never told anything or complained me. I can never thank him enough for taking care of me like that, maybe that’s how someone feels they go through pregnancy. I never lived apart from Seungcheol till now, that’s why when he said he needs to go to a different country for a project and since he is the head of HR department, and he needs to go with his team, I was sad because Sehyun was just one and half years, and I can’t just go, stay with him there just because I would miss him. He wanted to take me there with him but I refused, I knew I won’t stop him because it’s his work and he doesn’t have a choice. So, I let him go, but who knew I would miss this terribly and it would be this hard to take care of Sehyun alone; I was working sometimes it would be really hard for me to manage everything, working from home was exhausting as well. I regretted staying apart from him, almost blaming myself for not saying yes to him when he asked me if I want to go with him, because it will be for two years. I remember calling and crying all night after Sehyun slept, I stayed with Seungcheol’s mom and dad for a year; she helped me with Sehyun a lot but they had to go back since they had some work there; and I didn’t stop mum since it would be a bit hard for dad to manage everything alone there along with work load. Everything was so hard until Sehyun turned 3 years old, she listens to me sometimes and I quit my job too, now I just want to spend my time with Seungcheol and Sehyun; I feel empty when Sehyun goes to playschool.

After an hour I reached airport, I looked for parking and parked my car. I got out and went to take out Sehyun, I picked her up and locked my car. “Mommy when will dad come?”

“Soon”

We went inside the airport, we were waiting for him to arrive, Sehyun was getting impatient, she is just like him. I saw his flight arrived and I was waiting patiently, Sehyun was on my lap holding chocolates, she wanted to give to Seungcheol. The clock was ticking, I was trying not to get impatient. I wanted to calm myself down but I know I can’t because I missed him so much that I can’t stop myself from being impatient, nervous, happy and tears almost coming out. Missing a person like this, never happened in my life.

I remember, when I came here with Sehyun last time; she was just one year old and he was leaving. I remember crying so much, Sehyun was crying; mum came with me to see him off. I remember not leaving him, and hugging him tight until he had to go inside for check in, he was just telling me to take care of myself and whipping my tears. I remember crying all night that day, I would just call him and cry, I would miss him so much and had to take care of Sehyun, it was exhausting thanks to Seungcheol’s mum, she helped me a lot. Every morning I would wake up with Sehyun but it would feel cold, because he wasn’t here with me to cuddle, I would miss his morning kiss and goodnight kiss; which made my day and end my day but without him everything felt so lonely and empty. I would never want to go back to those days.

I almost teared up thinking about those days because I know how hard it was for me. It felt like I wouldn’t survive a single day anymore but I did.

“Mommy let’s go stand there please, I want to see daddy first” Sehyun had that adorable face on her, which I can never resist. I nodded.

“Okay my baby let’s go” I got up and held her in my arms. She was smiling, her smile could heal me from anything.

I was standing then I saw him walking, he was wearing white t-shirt, his favorite denim jacket, black jeans and white specs. He was looking perfect as usual, his bangs were falling perfectly on his forehead, giving him the most adorable look ever.

“Don’t cry I am here~” my grip around his shirt was tight, I just couldn't let him go, “I missed you too love” he was caressing my hair, he always does this to me. My cries got louder, his voice was just comforting as always.

It felt like world stopped then and there, it looked like he was taking forever to come to me. “Mommy let me down!!!” I let Sehyun down first and saw her running to him; I saw him halting his steps and bending down. Sehyun got him and hugged him tight. Seungcheol took her in his arms, and picked her up. My tears started falling even though I wanted to stop them, they weren’t listening to me. Cheol kissed her and hugged her again, I was walking and then our eyes met. I smiled, trying to stop my tears, I wanted to walk slowly and not let him see that I am again crying for him, but my mind wasn’t listening to anything at all; all I wanted to do was run to him and hug him tight.

I saw him letting Sehyun down, I went to him and hugged him tight; he hugged me back. I couldn’t stop crying, it felt so good to be in his embrace again, all these days I craved his touches the most. I inhaled his green aromatic scent, which I missed the most, the safe and comfort feeling which I craved for the most is back.

“How are you love?” he kissed my cheeks.

“I… miss…ed you….” My voice cracked; I just couldn’t explain how much I missed him.

“mommy don’t cry please” she started crying, I looked at Seungcheol, his eyes soften he hugged both of us and pulled us closer. “Sehyun, daddy is sorry now don’t cry and mommy will not cry too.” Sehyun was sobbing lightly, I looked at both of them, they are my little universe, Seungcheol was trying to calm Sehyun and he eventually held her in his embrace and pulled me closer.

“Daddy!! Mommy is crying again, just like she does because of you, I hate it when mommy cries, daddy please stop her from crying.” I heard Sehyun’s voice, I let go of his shirt, wiped my tears and looked at Sehyun, she was tearing up. I picked her up and kissed her cheeks; “baby mommy won’t cry anymore because daddy is here now”

He placed a kiss on my forehead, “I love you, my love. Sorry for not being here but now I am back”

“I love you too” I smiled at him and he pulled me closer.    

Under the blanket~

Choi Seungcheol one shot

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol × Female reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: no warning, since it’s fluff.

Word count: 508 words

Author’s Note: this was in draft from a long time, I know I suck at writing fluffs but I just tried but I somehow I feel I did mess up the ending HELP 😭😭😭 but hopefully you enjoying reading~

11:17 pm

I was waiting for him to come home, I was craving for his warmth, I just wanted his hugs, I miss him. His schedule was hectic, he was getting so busy, we could even rarely text eachother, it’s been 4 days, I last talked with him. I miss him, and I wish he was here. I went to my bookshelf and took out a book “Of curses and kisses”

I lied down on the bed and started reading it, all I wished was him by my side and how much I miss the cuddles at night. At this point, I just hope he is taking care of himself and getting the minimum rest, because the choi seungcheol I know; doesn’t know how to rest.

I was so into the book, I suddenly felt tickles, I was surprised. I looked to my left side, he took the book I was holding and kept on the night table, I was about to take it from his hand, but his fast reflexes. He pulled the blanket and just in a blink of eye, we were under the blanket. His arm was under my head, and he pulled me closer, my heart started beating fast. I was unable to look at his eyes anymore, heat rushed through my cheeks making me feel hot.

He looked at me, I could feel his stares on me; he held my chin and made me look at him, he just knows what to do and when “I’m your favorite person, I know it” the confidence on his face told me something else, he was in a mood of teasing.

“Cheol-

Before I could even continue he pulled me closer again, my face was hot, I was sure. He was trying to lift the blanket with his toes, I was trying to hold it with my toe so that I would cover our feet again, he was loving the scene, he was giggling, and his dimples looked so adorable, he looked so beautiful. I was about to lift the blanket, which was above my head. He grabbed my hand, I was way too flustered, “what are you doing? Is this a way you treat your favorite person? Azalea?”

“Cheol-

“What baby?”

I wanted to tell him something but my mind went blank the moment I felt his lips on me, I saw him, his eyes were closed. I was still, he kept on kissing me and pulling me closer, I know if he wants something… he will get it and since I didn’t respond to his kiss on the very first time, he kept on kissing me until I give him. me being me, since I missed him and craved for his touches I gave in. I kissed him back and I could feel his smile and smirk at the same time. After he stopped kissing me, he pecked my forehead “I just love you so much, you should know that” and smiled at me. “I missed you” I told him and hugged him tight

14th Feb’

Choi Seungcheol one shot

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol × Female reader

Genre: Angst

Warnings: no warnings, if I missed something please let me know.

Word count: 2.5 K

Song: house of cards

Author’s Note: I was actually planning to post this on 14th Feb’ but things happened and I am uploading this now, let me know if you liked this angst or not, also I wrote this while this song was on loop, I think I definitely felt something, happy reading 

Today’s 14th February, how much I wanted to tell myself that I don’t miss him anymore, but my heart was telling me something else. I pulled myself together and got ready, I took out my white gown and got ready for the wedding. I was excited for my friend’s wedding, this is the reason I flew to USA after six years, this place, I have so many memories with this country and specially this place; I don’t want to remember them but they were my best memories and now thinking about them is only painful, it’s painful because now, I am alone.

Agreeing and coming to this place was very tough decision for me, I started letting go of everything but being my first love, I just can’t forget few things anymore, I smile at those silly little memories but they start hurting sometimes when I think what if he was with me right now, how things would've turned into right now? What if we choose to stay here and be happy together, maybe we would've got married by now? Maybe we would've taken vows infront of eachother.

I looked at myself in the mirror, the white A-line dress with off shoulders, it looked pretty. I can’t believe this girl, who is getting married was my undergraduate batchmate, we weren’t very close but she was a good friend. After completing our bachelor’s degree we went to different universities and I went to Canada with him for Masters and then….

I looked at the mirror, applied light makeup, and applied red liptint. I smiled at my reflection, I wonder who’s the groom because she didn’t disclose anything to me yet. I went out of the hotel room and took a cab to the venue. She must have been so happy, after meeting her love, she’s finally taking it to the next stage. I just want to see her smile after this long time, all these years she never disclosed anything about her boyfriend, she always said she loves him a lot and she’s finally getting married with him.

I looked at the streets here, in California, they were familiar but looked unfamiliar and brought the nostalgic memories. Walking down the streets holding his hands, looking at eachother with eyes full of love. I smiled at myself, am I still in love with him even after we parted our ways five years ago? This sounds so stupid, how can I be still in love with him, both of us were afraid of the results and I was willing to take a step, but he was not sure, he was the one to take a step back and end everything between us then why am I blaming myself for not holding us together, why can’t I forget him till now, it’s already been years.

“We reached” I paid the cab and came out of the cab. The Venue looked all white, white is a pure colour to start with, everything looked so pretty. I was walking alone, until I saw his friends just outside the venue, they were about to enter and I halted my steps, I was anxious. They saw me and stopped walking, everything came to my mind, they were really very nice to me gradually only one of them is still close to me.

‘meet my friends’ he said and pulled me closer, there were three more guys sitting on the couch, I smiled at them. ‘hi, I am Seungcheol’s-

‘we know you, we are in same class and only Jeonghan is in different departments, still all of us know you’ Joshua smiled at me, I smiled back at them, slowly we all used to hangout. All of them were way too nice and kind to me but, Joshua was something else, he would take care of me way too much, maybe because we were in same department and we did everything almost together, he would help me with my assignments as well. He was such a good friend to me, he was really important to me. he’s the only one who is still close to me, we talk rarely but he’s still that kind and down to earth Joshua.

Seungcheol got the best group of friends, he’s so lucky to have him, I used to say this to him nearly everyday.

All the memories from the first day I met them officially came back to me, all the memories are still fresh inside me, they were one of the most precious ones. I missed them, my body was tensing up slowly. They were walking towards me, I was thinking why were they here but then it’s probably because Soyeon was our batchmate, to be specific mine, Seungcheol and Joshua’s. I still couldn’t move my feet and they were coming, towards me. I am seeing them probably after 4-5 years. I missed Joshua the most, all these years I wanted to meet him but we could never, he came to me and hugged me tight.

I was so surprised, I couldn’t move, I wanted to hug him back and slowly I calmed myself and hugged him back. It was getting nostalgic, years of friendship.

“I missed you Lia, let’s stay like this for a while” I nodded in his embrace, I felt better, I didn’t know I was longing for his hug so much, I was trying not to cry. After some time we parted, “you look pretty” I smiled at him, I looked at other two, Jeonghan and Mingyu, they were smiling, “you’re really looking pretty and you’re still the same old Lia” they laughed. It wasn’t awkward at all, we caught up with eachother and then it hit me, if… his… friends… are here, maybe he’s here as well. I was holding myself back from asking about him.

“Lia… Seungcheol-

“Let’s go inside, let’s not be late for the wedding.” They smiled awkwardly smiled at me but Joshua’s eyes said something else to me, they looked…. Concerned? Sad? Unreadable?

I saw people, from my school, university, and some unknown people, Joshua was with me whole time, he was walking with me, in my pace. “Shua, can I go and meet the bride? Before her wedding?”

“Sure, you can, want me to come with you?” he asked sweetly.

“It’s okay”

“No, let me accompany you”

“But Shua-

“let’s go”

We walked towards Soyeon’s room, we were walking, and suddenly he asked “are you okay?” that was a very sudden question, “yes, of course, I am why would you ask?”

“Just, how was your flight?”

“It was good, also don’t worry I will be okay if I see him here today, I am not sure, if he would come here or not, because I don’t know if he’s invited today in Soyeon’s wedding” before he could say anything, “Now stay here, let me go and meet her quick, then we go back” he sighed and then smiled at me, felt like he wanted to tell me something very important but I stopped him from speaking, I was somehow very anxious, I had this weird feeling that it’s something very shocking and it will hurt me, it was in his eyes. I could feel it.

I saw Soyeon, “LIA!!!” she saw me and ran to hug me tight, “Be careful lady, you’re wearing your wedding gown, be careful”

“Yes, I will be. I missed you Lia, you were such a good friend of mine, I can’t believe it’s almost 6 years since we last met eachother” I nodded, “you look so pretty, today”

“Thankyou” I opened my sling bag, and handed her a wrapped box, “what’s this?”

“I hope you like it, don’t open it now. Open it later” it was a pendant, I wanted to gift it to her. “Thank you so much Lia,”

“Let’s catch-up after the wedding, Joshua is waiting for me outside.” She held my hand and asked “Are you guys together?” I was surprised at her question, “No, we are not” I smiled at her, she smiled back. “Okay, then all the best for today” she nodded.

I went out of the room and saw Joshua talking to the phone, I heard him saying ‘I don’t know if she knows, I’m worried’ what is he talking about, “Shua” he turned to me

“I’m hanging up” and he hung up,

“Is something wrong?” I asked him, “No, nothing. Let’s go” I nodded.

We were walking, to the venue, I was a bit excited for the groom, who is he. While walking inside, I was getting a bit anxious even I don’t know why. Everyone was enjoying it, meeting with old friends, families, everyone looked happy; looks like everything is perfect. We were standing in a side, while standing, I felt something was burning and paining, probably I got a cut because of my heels, these pencil heels were new and I haven’t used pencil heels since few months. I tried to not get bothered about it, I don’t even have a band-aid right now.

I saw other two coming towards us, Mingyu and Jeonghan, I smiled at them. “Did you meet her?” I nodded, “she looked really pretty” they all smiled, I felt like relieving the old days; only he’s not with us here today.

“Excuse us for a second, we’ll be back” I turned to Joshua, he held my arm and took me to the place of sitting, some people were sitting, they were unknown to me. he made me sit on a chair, “what happened” I saw him handing me a band-aid which was inside his pocket, “use this” I took it.

“thank you”

“Just the same old Lia, who never says if she’s hurt or when she’s in pain. Don’t do this Lia.” I took off my heel, and used it. “I’m okay Shua, it’s just that it’s the new pair of heels you know” I smiled at him, “thank you for worrying”

I got up from the chair, ‘now let’s go, I don’t want to miss her walking down the aisle”

“hold this” he showed me his arm, I was confused, he took my hand and placed it on his arm, “let’s go” and we started walking, we saw Mingyu and Jeonghan.

“This is about to start” I was still holding Joshua’s arm. I saw Soyeon walking with her dad, with bouquet in her hand. She really looked so pretty, “told you, she’s looking pretty. her soon to husband is really lucky to have her” and three of them looked at me, they just looked puzzled, specially Joshua’s eyes… they were… wanting to tell me something.

I shrugged it off and my eyes were following her, the moment I saw the groom, my heart stopped. It was…

My eyes were not leaving him, my grip on Joshua’s arm got tighter.

HIM.

Choi Seungcheol

Everything hit me like a bullet, it hit me hard, I was feeling betrayed, played, cheated, numb, there were no feelings that could describe me. Soyeon is getting married to him, the man whom I loved the most in this whole world but we parted ways five years ago, just felt like my world crumbled down.

‘Lia, I am sorry, but I can’t do this anymore.’

‘Why cheol? Was everything a lie till now? Why are you leaving like this? please don’t go, stay with me please’ I was crying, it was hurting, and hurting.

‘Lia I can’t’ his words were hurting me.

‘I’m ready to do everything, you want but why now? Why now when I am already like this’

“Lia, sorry’ he removed my hands which were holding his and started walking away.

‘I loved you, I still love you Seungcheol ’ he didn’t even look back at me left me there crying alone

“was she the reason? You could’ve told me” my eyes were getting teary, all the memories I had with him, started flooding back, our first date, our first kiss, our first trip together. All these years I told myself, I will be strong and I won’t cry when if I ever see him in future, but never prepared myself for this, witnessing him as my good friend’s husband, never. All the courage I built up all these years started crumbling down, I couldn’t stand anymore, my legs were feeling weak. Was I the one who was played on? Was I played? I wanted to ask myself again and again.

“I do” I heard his voice, my mind went blank, is this a nightmare? I couldn’t hear anything anymore, it felt like my world stopped.

My tears started falling down, I couldn’t stand still, I stumbled back, Shua held me tightly, “Lia” I turned to look at him, his eyes looked at me with pity, I could feel it, I couldn’t hold back anymore and started crying. Why was I crying so much, it felt like it was only me and Seungcheol, no one else and he was smiling brightly, wearing that black tuxedo. Once it was a dream for me to see Seungcheol in this, attire and me in white pretty wedding gown. We would take the vows together for eachother, that was all house of cards I made myself.

How much did it take to walk away like that?

How much did it take to hurt me like this?

You destroyed my house of cards while I built years ago, why did you do this Seungcheol?

“now, you may kiss the bride” I heard it, I was still looking at him, my eyes never left his, he saw me. his eyes met mine, he was looking at me with a hint of surprise, as if he never expected me but expected me here to witness this as well and then turned to look at Soyeon, he was leaning closer and my heart was shattering into pieces. I suddenly felt a hand pulling my face and hugging me tight, so that I won’t be able to see.

“You don’t need to see and hurt yourself” his said softly “He’s is the groom, today… it’s his wedding, Lia… that’s what I was trying to tell you today” his voice came out as a whisper and he sighed. I cried more. Soyeon knew, I loved him and he was with me, how could she do this to me, betrayal? Cheated? Played? Sadness? What else am I not feeling? Should’ve known that in the dark, I’d be too dumb to see

“How did I miss his name in the wedding invitation Shua?” I was angry at myself for not realizing anything and crying alone like this.

“Shua, I realized… I’m still in… love… with him…, all these years, I’ve done nothing but love him whereas I tried so hard to forget him and hate him but then? How am I still in love?” I barely managed to speak, I was choking on my tears, “I love you Seungcheol” and cried, Joshua hugged me tight.

“It’s okay, I’m here. don’t cry.”

“it hurts, because I’m still in love” I had nothing alive inside me anymore, because I don’t know how to love him from afar, he have my heart.

We fell like a house of cards

“I’m sorry for being late”

“Seungcheol one shot”

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol x female reader

Genre: Angst? mafia au

Warnings: mention blood, gun, bullets, anxiety

Word count: 2.5K

Author’s Note: I was confused which member would go with this and then I literally went to twt just to ask oomfs and they suggested Jeonghan? I was in dilemma should I put Jeonghan or Seungcheol but I’m ending up with Seungcheol because of the grip this man has on me. Hopefully you’ll like this, happy reading <3

I came out after a long shower, I was feeling better. I blow dried my hair and then looked at the time, it was 1:17 am. I went towards the bed, and saw Aera sleeping peacefully, she was missing him a lot and finally slept an hour ago. I wonder when will he come back, even I miss him. Everything was so dead silence; I could see the black clouds floating in the sky. Being a doctor, and being the wife of the biggest mafia in this country, leaves me with a question, that is; seeking for peace? It’s just something you can get only for countable times only because you’re the one who choose this thing for your life.

Living like this I need to be aware of everything. Be careful everytime, at work, at home, literally everywhere. I walked to the balcony, I looked at the moon, it looked so pretty. I miss him, I know he will be back soon but I miss him, I miss his warmth and his cuddles at night. I sighed thinking about him, I went back to check up on Aera, she’s sleeping peacefully.

I was sitting on the bed, and I heard something, it was a sound of something falling. I shrugged it off maybe because the windows are open and the wind is quite strong, I diverted my attention back to Aera. I was caressing her hair, I love her so much, nights like this, when he is late, I just stare at her to make me feel comforted, because she’s a part of him.

I kissed Aera’s forehead, “I love you so much baby” and then I heard the sound of glasses falling and breaking. I got startled because of that, I looked at the time, it was 1:29 am. The sound of things falling and breaking started getting clearer. My instincts were telling me something was wrong, I took my phone was on the night stand and ran to the balcony, everything was silence, not a single person was visible. I went to switch off the night light which were on. I tried calling, Seungcheol, I was not sure what was happening, I looked at Aera who was sleeping.

I went to the wardrobe, there was a gun; which he gave it to me, he told me to use it; if something happens. I ran towards the wardrobe and searched for the gun, I heard a gunshot. My hands stopped for a second then resumed searching for it, I can’t stop here and I realized I’ve 4 years old Aera with me. I opened the last drawer and found the gun.

I took it out and went to Aera, I tried waking her up and I was still trying to call Seungcheol but he wasn’t picking up. He never does this, I was calling him again and again but there was no response, I was getting scared. I tried waking up Aera, “baby wake up, Aera?”

“Aera wake up, baby wake up” after shaking her few more times, she slowly opened her eyes. She was about to speak and I shushed her, “Aera, I need you to listen to mama” she nodded, “from now on don’t make a noise and we will be going to dad right now, I will be driving, okay? Can you be a good girl and listen to mama?” she nodded, she rubbed her eyes and I picked her up, I gave her the phone, “baby try calling dad” I was holding her in one side and grabbed the car keys which were on the table; I was holding the gun in other hand.

I heard one more gunshot and I covered Aera’s ears. I looked at her, her eyes were teary. She was never exposed to this and I don’t want her to get involved. She was shivering in my embrace, I walked towards the door, and since everything was dark I have to be careful. I opened the door without making any noise and the sound of footsteps got closer. I stood there to know from where they are coming.

“Mrs. Choi, we know you’re here. You better come out right now or else we can’t guarantee what’s gonna happen next” I took a glance at Aera, she looked like she was about to cry. I kissed her and whispered “baby, hold me tight and the phone, don’t drop it no matter what” she nodded and her tears started streaming down. I ran down the stairs which was on the other side. The darkness was replaced by the light suddenly, I looked up and then noticed five men, holding guns, all dressed in black. They noticed me, and as soon as they had the eye contact, my mind went blank because I was standing in the halfway of the stairs. I couldn’t think of anything and shot the lights and the chandelier, it fell and Aera screamed. I ran towards the door and somehow managed to get out of the door and just went towards the garage. I ran towards my car, Aera was crying very badly. I wanted to comfort her but I need to get out of this place and go to Seungcheol as soon as possible. I placed Aera inside the car as fast as I can and put the straps around her, she was a crying mess. Nothing like this happened after Aera’s birth, I kissed her on her cheeks and wiped her tears “Baby, few minutes more”. I closed the door and got into the car as well and started driving it. As soon as I started driving, I heard gun shots and I looked from the mirror that they were shooting at our car so I had to speed up car.

“Aera call your dad, right now” I won’t lie if I said I wasn’t scared, and it’s not only me alone, I’ve Aera with me. I can’t let anything happen to her, she’s my life. I connected my phone with the car. He still wasn’t picking up, how can he do that? I already called him so many times, he doesn’t even have time to pick my calls now? Or did something happen? Thinking about this, it gave me goosebumps. I again tried calling him, and he still didn’t pick up.

My eyes were focused on the road, I knew where he would be right now, so I was driving, I can’t be reckless even if I’m scared like this, because I’ve our daughter with me. I was trying to calm myself down, being a doctor, I know how to calm myself in serious situations down but nothing was working for me right now. I somehow managed to find the contact of Seungcheol’s Secretary, I was about to call him and I heard a gunshot and to my surprise, the bullet hit my car.

I heard Aera’s cries “Mommy I’m scared” I couldn’t help anything at that moment and drove the car with speed I was driving in, I called his Secretary. “Wh-

“Where is Seungcheol??!! GET HIM IN THE LINE RIGHT NOW,”  I didn’t think I would yell at him like this, yes I was pissed and terrified and that’s the result, I was holding back my tears because of Aera, I cant cry our infront of her.

“I NE-

AH” I let out a scream, the moment I felt their car gave a good hit to my car. I had no choice other than driving the car with all the speed I could.

“Ma’am” that was the last word from Mr. Lee I heard before the line went dead, I wanted to hit the streeling wheel so bad, I wanted to kill those people. I pulled my car to the highway and drove it without getting distracted. Thankfully I know the way to Seungcheol’s place, I can’t rely on him fully when he is not even picking up my call. “Mama, I want to see Dad” I heard Aera’s cries, my heart was aching so bad, I wanted to hold her and calm her down.

“We are on the way sweetie” I have no idea why are tears streaming down my face.

After good fifteen minutes, I didn’t see any car following me, I heaved a sigh and slowed down my car to the normal speed and drove to his place. I wanted to relax but my anxiety wasn’t giving me a break. I was about to take another turn and I saw a car infront of me, I pressed the breaks with all my force and stopped my car from hitting the car which was infront of me.

How can a person be so careless, what if that car accidently hit mine or I did the accident? I saw three more cars coming, from back and I knew I am in dead end. I took the gun which was in the passenger’s seat, I had just one thought, that was I need to save Aera. I held the gun tight and went out of the car, and went to take out Aera. She looked scared and I kissed her on her temples, I wish she could smile right now to make me feel better. I held her tight in my arms. I saw three men coming out from the car which was standing infront of me, dressed in black.

Only I knew how much I was shivering with fear and how badly I wanted to run away or just want to be in Seungcheol’s embrace. My gun was ready, if I pull the trigger, I can kill these people but since I already used two bullets back at home, there are few bullets left and I can still go for 16 rounds.

“Mrs. Choi, you sure are so pretty, you look prettier at night.” I heard one of them who was walking towards me.

“what do you want?” I screamed back, I was still standing near my car. “If you come closer, I will shoot you, so be careful, I know how to shoot and I will directly aim your head or heart, don’t forget I’m a doctor, I know better than anyone else where to shoot”

“Pretty girls with weapons are dangerous I guess” he took a pause “You should know the reason, why we are here, such a shame.” That man laughed hysterically, I wanted to shoot him so bad. “Baby please close your eyes” and I brought Aera’s face closer to the crook of my neck, I would never want her to witness these things. The whole place was silent and I could hear them walking towards me, “I told you don’t come closer” when they didn’t stop, I pulled the trigger aiming one of them and shot him.

“Lady take it easy! Why would you shoot him?” I wanted to buy time but they weren’t cooperating at all, how much I wanted Seungcheol to track me and come. “I told you, if you come closer I will shoot you and kill you right here, don’t you understand?”

Three of them came closer, I was stepping back bit by bit, I can’t take risk but I already took the risk and shot one of them. Soon, I was facing them and they were right infront of me, and I heard the cars stopping. “Don’t try to over smart us, Mrs. Choi.” And he held my chin tightly, I removed it with all the force I had, “How dare you touch me” and I kicked him on his knee. He groaned in pain.

He took out the gun and directly pointed it to Aera, I held the gun, “Don’t you dare to do anything or else I will kill you before Seungcheol finds you and kill you” I had enough courage to say this. I took out the gun and pointed to his chest, “Don’t you dare to do shit right now or else I will pull this trigger”

“And do you think you and this kid will live after you shoot me?” he had a smirk, I felt more people coming towards me. This can’t be the end, right? I ain’t losing my life like this.

He was looking back at his members, and I got a chance so I started taking steps to my right side, so that I could shoot them and run, I was left with no choice but to run as much as I can. “Mrs. Choi” he called up my name again, and I froze “what are you thinking?” he looked at me, and I was successfully at a distance from this man. I aimed the gun at them, “Try something stupid and we will kill you and your daughter here, and you great husband can’t even find your bodies” I felt my shoulder getting wet, Aera was crying.

“Do you think I’m scared? I will kill you before he does” I pulled the trigger and next thing I felt was a sharp pain on my arms, a bullet hit me, and my gun fell on the ground. “Jia!”

There was a gunshot, I looked to my left, I saw him running towards me, tears started streaming down my face, I tried running towards him without even thinking twice. I don’t care even if a bullet hits me right now, I want him, I want him to hold me tight, I want to be in his embrace, my home.

I saw him taking out his gun and shoot back-to-back; blood dripping down my arms, it was hurting me. The moment I saw him infront of me, he hugged me tight “Jia, Aera” my tears weren’t stopping. I heard Aera’s cries got harder, “Baby dad is here, so don’t worry” the moment I heard him say this, I felt his grip got tighter around me.

“Secretary Lee hold her” He took Aera from my arms, the moment he took her from me, I felt like I had no strength at all. “Jia...” he was holding me, I could barely keep my eyes open, I could see him tensing up, “Cheol… Hol..hold… me” and I felt like my legs gave up.

“Jia, look at me, love don’t close your eyes” his voice was so comforting to me.

“Secretary Lee, take Aera and I’ll be heading back to home, and call the doctor, I can’t let her close her eyes, I just can’t” he was looking back at Secretary Lee and me.

“Jia, love look at me please” he picked me up and I held his shirt tight, I felt the world slowing down. He was looking at me, apologizing. “I’m sorry for being late” I wanted to tell him it’s fine and then wanted to cry in his embrace but I had no strength at all, “Love look at me, don’t close your eyes, you’re a doctor you know what can happen” my tears were streaming down my face.

“It’s all good now, everything’s fine now” he took me to his car, still holding me in his embrace.

if this is love I don’t want it

“seungcheol one shot”

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol x female reader

Genre: angst (mafia)

Warnings: mention of gun, gunshots, mention of death/lifeless body (please let me know if i missed something)

Word count: 1.4 K

A/N: i really wanted to write something about mafia seungcheol, and here i am writing about him. I think i love the idea of mafia seungcheol a lot, i don't think i can escape this any soon

Happy reading <3

“it’s either you live today or me because I am sure he won’t be able to find us, not in this short time and you’ll be long gone when he will find your lifeless body and if he finds me, I will kill you infront of me, giving him the best memory ever.” He placed the loaded gun pointing at my forehead, I was trying not to cry and hold back my tears but it wasn’t working, tears were falling.

I heard a door slam, “Pull the trigger and I will kill you all myself today” I looked at him, the guy started laughing. There was a cloth stuffed in my mouth which wasn’t letting me scream. My eyes were looking at him, he was walking towards us “take a step and I’ll pull the trigger” he looked at me, with his soft eyes and stopped his steps.

The guy suddenly placed his hand on my head, “I wonder will she live today or are you going to witness something which you can never forget choi seungcheol?” the guy’s finger traced down my cheeks, his touch made me shiver and suddenly he slapped hard on my cheeks. It started hurting.

“I told you, don’t touch her or I will kill you myself along with everyone here” he screamed, everything infront of me was getting blurry because of my tears. This guy suddenly grabbed my neck and placed the gun pointing at my forehead again.

“So, what do you think choi seungcheol?” I closed my eyes, terrified. “Who will win Choi Seungcheol? ”

“NOW” and I heard a gunshot, my eyes were closed shut but I didn’t feel any pain. Another gunshot was heard, one after one, around five gunshots I heard back to back and when I opened my eyes, I saw the guy who was holding the gun earlier is on the floor and he was running towards me, men started entering and started firing.

He came towards me and untied me, took out the cloth which was tied around my mouth, “you’re okay now, I’m here” he hugged me for a brief second as if he was refraining himself from hugging me tight and refraining from taking me in his arms and comfort me.

He pulled me and took me to near a pillar in that garage, he was shielding me, my back touched the coldness of the pillar. “forget this moment” and his hands closed my eyes. I heard him fire back-to-back.

After some time, everything silenced down, I could heard footsteps, everyone was leaving and then he moved his hands from my eyes. I opened my eyes to look at him, full of mixed emotions

Everything that happened in past one hour, still terrified me but I wasn’t going to step back from ‘us’.

“I am sorry, I dragged you in this” he was holding me tight, tears were streaming down my face, “I can’t let you suffer like this anymore” I was shaking my head in denial, all the things that happened past few hours flashed in my mind, how I saw people shooting and killing eachother. How I was about to get the shot but he saved me and he was blaming himself for all these things. It wasn’t his fault; it was something unavoidable. I know he was feeling guilty because I could’ve lost my life in a fraction of second but somewhere I knew he would save me and he did. But I also couldn’t deny the fact I was terrified and scared, scared of losing myself and never be able to see him again.

“Cheol…”

“I can’t do this with you… I can’t anymore” he looked devastated, “It’s not your fault, it was never your fault” there was an unknown feeling inside me which was scaring me as I knew what he was thinking.

“I can’t put you in danger anymore” he removed his hands which were resting on my cheeks, “I can’t do this anymore” and I knew what he was thinking, I was correct because I can read him like an open book. “Seungcheol, no” he started taking his steps back.

“You can’t do this, not this” the whole place was echoing with my voice, I could hear my devastated voice. “You’re in danger, because of me why don’t you understand Aera? Why don’t you understand it’s me, I’m the reason you were kidnapped, I’m the reason you are here right now, I’m the reason why you suffered, I’m the reason why there was a gun placed on your forehead, I’m the reason of everything, they wanted to get back at me, I’m the reason why they planned to kill you, I’m the reason of your tears, why don’t you understand that?” he raised his voice at the end, it was the first time I heard him shout like that, “and what about my reason… Seungcheol? What about that?” I looked at him, tears falling down my face.

“Aera don’t say this, I can’t see you getting hurt anymore, it pains me, what if I was late today? What if something happened to you? What if…” he sighed, I took a step towards him, “nothing happened, you came on time, you saved me, I am here standing here in front of you, look at me love” I tried smiling and holding his hand but he removed my hands “you don’t understand how scary everything can be, it can cost your life! Aera, and I can’t afford to lose you.”

“None of these things were your fault Seungcheol, none of these.” I was trying to persuade him but he was being determined and stubborn.

“I’ll be leaving and will send someone to take you home. I can’t let you suffer anymore, if I leave you now, you’ll be safe and nothing like this will happen with you anymore” his voice was intimidating and determined, his voice felt so sure about everything. He turned back and started walking out of this place, “tell me you regret this?” I asked him, he stopped and replied, “I regret this. I regret because you were hurt” he started walking again. I never wanted to ask him this but I couldn’t stop myself from asking him “tell me you regret loving me” he didn’t stop, and I continued, I knew how much it was hurting me, hurting him, we were hurting together.

“if I knew you were thinking to take this decision of your own then it would've been better to get shot by that man” I took a pause “if this is love I don’t want it.” I saw he stopped his steps. “If this was your love, go ahead and walk out of this place alone today, as if you never loved me and everything was a lie to you. But remember, I loved you and if you walk away today everything will be over between us and don’t ever look back on me, do it, just like you do everything easily and I was never in your life” only I knew how much it was hurting, and I closed my eyes and shallowed the lump forming inside me, not letting me speak a single word next. My own tears were chocking me, “tell me choi Seungcheol” I raised my voice as much as I could.

Next moment I felt two arms embracing me tightly, “This is hard for me, this is so freaking hard, I can’t leave you and can’t let you suffer like this as well” his voice was the softest and most fragile  thing I ever heard

“then don’t leave me” my tears were still falling. “why would you say something you never meant, we are in this together” I tried speaking, he was caressing my hair, “I love you, I love you, I love you so much”

“I love you too” he pulled out from the hug and looked at me, he wiped my tears with his thumb “I’m sorry, I won’t let anything like this again. So, don’t cry anymore” I nodded and placed my hands on his, he placed a kiss on my forehead.

“my love for you is something I can’t describe in words, I wasn’t scared of losing my life until I found you, every passing day, I want to live, live with you, smile with you, I’m scared of death, I’m scared of losing you because of me. I love you more than you could ever think of. The day I lose you, it’s over for me that’s why it scares me, love scares me Aera. I love you so much” I already started crying because of his confession, his hands cupped my face and caressed my cheeks, as if they he was telling me he’s here and he will never leave with this action. He slowly leaned towards me and he kissed me.

And then I met you

[two]

Pairing: Jeonghan x fem reader × Seungcheol

Synopsis: Falling in love with bestfriend’s ex wasn’t something that Jeonghan planned.

Genre: angst

Word count: 1.7K

Warnings: mention of pregnancy, mention of cheating, doubtful coups

Author’s Note: angry coups :( well, let’s see what happens next, who expected that coups will get this pissed :( do let me know if you liked this or not, happy reading :) where are my angst enjoyer? 😭 or is it just me? And I didn't proof read yettttttt maybe I’ll do it soon

taglist: @scarlet789  @jjeongddol

If you want to get tagged, you can reply here <3

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Aisha walked into the convenient store near her apartment, still thinking about Seungcheol. She decided to tell her parents today about Seungcheol and they decided they would do a formal meeting for the families soon so that they can get married soon. Aisha being always the most excited one about weddings, she had half things decided with Seungcheol.

She was mindlessly walking and searching for the things she needed to take home, since Seungcheol is coming over. Aisha saw, Jeonghan and was about to call his name but she bumped into someone and she felt cold liquid spilling all over her white tee, “Shit”

“I’m so sorry” Aisha panicked looking at her tee, “Aisha, are you okay?” she looked at Jeonghan, “Jeong-Jeonghan”

“I’m so sorry” the girl apologized again and again to Aisha, but her coffee was already spilled over Aisha’s tee, “please be careful next time” Aisha managed to say but the panic on her face was visible clearly, how was she supposed to go because the coffee made everything transparent, she saw Jeonghan taking out his shirt, thankfully he was wearing a white undershirt.

“Take this” he gave his shirt to Aisha, and urged her to go change.

Aisha came after changing, she was holding her stained tee in her hand, “Are you okay?” Aisha nodded, “are you sure? You didn’t get hurt right?” she nodded at Jeonghan with a smile. “Thankyou so much Jeonghan” she smiled at him again, “Don’t worry about it” Jeonghan’s eyes noticed her neck and… how did you get burn marks… Aisha?” She was quick to look at him, eyes widening. She was embarrassed, how will she tell him, she was trying to style her hair after drying it and it was Seungcheol’s call which distracted her for a second and this happened. She looked down and said “curling iron… Jeonghan”

“You gotta be careful, Aisha. Don’t be this clumsy.” he smiled at her and she did the same after looking back at him.

Only Seungcheol and Jeonghan knew about her pregnancy, Aisha broke this news to him after she got proposed by Seungcheol; Jeonghan was very happy for them. Aisha became a very good friend of Jeonghan because of Seungcheol; Jeonghan was Seungcheol’s bestfriend.

Jeonghan came to take few essentials and he was happy to meet Aisha, being in the same locality it was quite normal for them to bump into eachother. “I’ll go first, I need to go back home fast” she smiled at Jeonghan, Jeonghan got the hint in her smile that Seungcheol might be coming over.

“Bye” Aisha waved at him holding her bag. The moment she walked out of the convenient store, she thought she was hallucinating because she saw Seungcheol leaning on his car.

He looked at the shirt, and it was something he didn’t expect to see, and that gave him the reply why Aisha was smelling like Jeonghan’s perfume. Aisha was smelling like Jeonghan all over, and the shirt was enough to tell that’s it’s Jeonghan’s smell.

She saw him walking towards her, he was smiling and she was confused. He came closer to her and hugged her tight, “Cheol” she felt raindrops on her, “See, it started, that’s why I told you wait for me at home.”

“But I wanted to come.” The moment he let go of Aisha, his face changed.

He looked at the shirt, and it was something he didn’t expect to see, and that gave him the reply why Aisha was smelling like Jeonghan’s perfume.

“why are you wearing this shirt?” Aisha was taken aback because of his sudden voice change, “Cheol, it’s raining we can talk about this inside”

“I asked why are you wearing this shirt.” He suddenly grabs her wrist, making his grip stronger.

“Aisha”

“Cheol let me go, you’re hurting me”

“This is Jeonghan’s shirt.” Seungcheol spoke even before she could speak, “I gifted this personally embroider shirt to him.”

“Now, tell him why are you wearing his shirt?”

“Cheol, listen to me, it’s nothing like whatever you are doubting, calm down please first.” Each word she was saying, with heavy breaths, raindrops were pouring harder.

“And what is the truth Aisha? You’re smelling like him, it’s his perfume all over you and you are wearing HIS SHIRT!” she flinched at his raised voice, she never encountered this Seungcheol, getting jealous was pretty normal between them but this was something she never expected.

His voice was enough to make anyone cry, Aisha was tearing up, she wanted to keep her calm, doesn’t matter how bad it was raining right now. “Cheol, you’re hurting me” she almost whispered back, in a thought he would let go of her wrist. But Seungcheol was getting angry each second he was looking at Aisha, all the thoughts which he left behind about Jeonghan and Aisha were coming to his mind. Both of them living in the same locality, sometimes hanging out alone and right now wearing his shirt and not picking up his calls at night was something he just can’t look away. He felt all the dots were joining.

Seungcheol looks at her once again, trying to calm himself down but the moment he noticed her neck, he lost all his temper he was holding, he held her shirt’s collar. “Aisha take it off right now”

“Seungcheol stop this” it didn’t seem to matter both of them that they were drenching in rain right now. “Aisha take this shirt off right now!” she flinched again and this time, she slapped him subconsciously

Panic took over her body, “Cheol.. I’m sorry, I’m I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean”

“Aisha you-” Jeonghan’s voice went unheard by Aisha because she saw Seungcheol raising his hand on her and Jeonghan was quick to hold his hand. Jeonghan pushes Seungcheol slightly.

“Seungcheol! Stop this, she’s pregnant.” Jeonghan couldn’t believe whatever he was witnessing infront of him.

“is that was you were insisting that I should be waiting for you at your home because you were with Jeonghan.” Aisha shook her head, crying.

“Tell me this is a lie? Aisha?” Aisha let out a whimper, and Jeonghan noticed Seungcheol’s grip on her wrist. He removed Seungcheol’s hand from her wrist, “Seungcheol, you’re hurting her”

“And you care about her more than me now?” Seungcheol’s anger was visible on his face, “Seungcheol”

“Care to explain why is she wearing your shirt?” he looked directly into his eyes, Aisha couldn’t say a thing because of shock, “I gave- he couldn’t even complete his sentence and he turned to look at Aisha, who was already crying.

“did you sleep with him?” she was shocked because, she never thought he would actually say that to her and questioned her loyalty, “you’ve lost your mind Seungcheol” Aisha argued back, because nothing like this happened. How could even Seungcheol not listen to her even once, and accuse her of cheating? How could he even say this without even thinking twice?

“did you sleep with my bestfriend behind my back?” she was about to argue back again and this time it was Jeonghan’s voice

“Choi Seungcheol!!”

“YOON JEONGHAN!” Jeonghan witnessed Seungcheol’s anger earlier but for countable number of times, but he never saw him this angry and specially on Aisha

“Shut up Seungcheol! And you claim you love her? Without even listening to her even once?” Aisha was feeling guilty because Jeonghan was caught up with everything. “How do you explain this?” Seungcheol pointed at her neck, clearly getting the wrong idea. Both Aisha and Jeonghan couldn’t believe Seungcheol’s words right now, it was hard to believe because the Seungcheol they knew was deeply in love with Aisha.

“Enough Seungcheol, enough. How could you even say this to me.” Aisha took a deep breath before speaking, she couldn’t stand the way he was accusing her of cheating behind his back. She wanted to clear everything right now.

“I should’ve known you Aisha. I should’ve known yesterday, the moment you said you were pregnant but never said I was the father of this child.” Seungcheol shouted at her, “Seungcheol? Are you serious right now? You’re the father of this child Choi Seungcheol.” He looked at him, “How can you even question me about this? Aisha wanted to scream at him, she didn’t care about the surroundings anymore, she didn’t care if Jeonghan witnessed everything, and Seungcheol was making it dirty, how could he even say this to her right now.

He held her hand, forcefully, “Seungcheol what are you doing?” Aisha was getting nervous, “Seungcheol” Jeonghan called out his name

“Don’t you dare to call out my name Jeonghan” Seungcheol, forcefully took out the ring which he slid into her finger yesterday. “Seungcheol, Seungcheol what are you doing”

“You always wanted Jeonghan” she couldn’t believe her ears, what was he saying. “Seungcheol” Aisha held his arms almost begging him to stop, he turned his back to her. “Seungcheol please stop, please. Listen to me once, love please”

Seungcheol was already walking back towards his car and pushed Aisha back. “Seungcheol” Jeonghan was quick to hold Aisha from falling, Aisha broke down there.

“Seungcheol you questioned our friendship first then you questioned Aisha’s loyalty, I understand why you never deserved her” these were the last words Seungcheol heard before he went inside the car.

His anger was turning into grief each second.

“What did I tell you about distractions?”

“Seungcheol One Shot ”

Pairing: Choi Seungcheol × Female Reader

Genre: second chance romance

Warning: mention of car crash

Word Count: 3.1K

Author’s Note: This was totally impulsive, I randomly got this idea when I was returning back home after classes. Hope I didn’t end it in a weird way. I had a playlist, I made for this. Do let me know your thoughts because I think racer Seungcheol is veryyyyyy hawt.

Happy reading :)

I took a deep breath, perfectly knowing what was coming for me. five years… freaking five years. I’ve been almost waiting for this day every second, anticipating it. But now, the time has come and here I am, inside my car. I took a deep breath, adjusting everything for once. “Are you ready?”

“I need to win. I’ve been waiting for this.”

Once I heard the gunfire, I started driving. I had one thing in my mind, that was to win. I need to win and show how he taught me well. All the memories started flooding inside my brain, “I hope when I will win next time, you would be there standing beside me and cheering up for me” his words felt like echoing in my ears. I didn’t let anything distract me, not even his memories.

“You need to use all your focus on the road, press the accelerator, and then press break after some time, you can start drifting once you are stable enough.” I nodded at his words. “Racing is not very tough but not very easy, you need focus” I kissed him quickly while he was talking, “And now that’s a distraction Shasha” he looked at me, I had his undivided attention, as if I was his everything for now. He leaned closer to me, he took my hand, and placed it on the steering wheel, “you can’t be distracted like this” he leaned closer, his one hand was on me, which was holding the steering wheel and another was the on the window, caging me between him.

“one distraction and you lose focus, which means you lose the race” With each word he was saying, he was leaning closer bit by bit, and the moment he mentioned losing the race, our noses almost touched. I was trying, to focus on him but I was getting distracted by how his hands were resting on mine on top of the steering wheel, “so,” he kissed me, once “Don’t” he kissed me again “Do” and again “this” he kissed me again and looked at me, “ever again” and he kissed me pushing me back. his hand was gripping my hand; his other hand which was on the window, reached my waist and pulled me closer to him, he groaned in between the kiss, asking for my permission for the tongue. My hand went to hold him, so that I don’t fall back but he pulled me closer again.

“you’re the only distraction I have right now but I want us in the podium, standing next to eachother” he smiled and kissed me again.

I was too focused on the track when this memory flooded in. I was hearing the commentary and keeping track of my and Seungcheol’s car subconsciously. I was feeling better every time I completed one lap. Everything reminded me of how I cheered for Seungcheol whenever he would complete one lap and then continue being ahead of others and finally win. One after another lap, I needed to win. I was putting all my trust in myself and so did my teammates.

“You are learning way too fast. You’re not supposed to learn this fast, how am I supposed to enjoy if you learn this fast Shasha” I could hear him while he tried to match my pace. I couldn’t blame him for this, I was always interested in bikes, cars, and speed but never got the chance to learn because my parents were always against it and after meeting Seungcheol, life got better.

Soon, I parked my bike near Seungcheol’s house and got down, I saw Seungcheol, almost throwing his helmet and walking towards me. I couldn't even take one more step when his hands reached for my neck and pulled me for a kiss. His body pressed towards me, and making me almost lean on my bike, but his other hand was on my bare waist, pulling him closer to him. “you’re a fast learner, and pretty attractive in this racer outfit” he looked at me, his breaths hitting my face, “doesn’t mean I would lose you to a random guy, with whom you seemed to have fun talking randomly while driving, what did I say about focus. He was expecting me to answer, which I gladly would, because watching this Seungcheol all worked up because he was jealous was fun. ‘you need to use all your focus on-

Before I could complete the word ‘road’ he kissed me, that was a rough kiss but who was I to complain, I was enjoying it. His fingers doing things to my bare waist, mental note, never wear a crop top then a leather jacket when I am with Seungcheol, he will drive me insane. “me” he said in between kiss and kissed me harder again. Whenever he would be jealous, he would make an excuse but at times he would just kiss me to let me know how jealous he gets at times.

“don’t do that again, I don’t want you to get into an accident, love”

 “Are you saying this because you’re scared of me getting into an accident or jealous to control yourself when I talk to other guys while driving” I was teasing him, he knew it.

“I don’t get jealous, because I am your boyfriend and you’re mine.” He came closer and decreased the distance between us again, I could feel his breaths again. I was ready to kiss him again but then, he stepped back, I was about to let out a breath because of disappointment, and then he put both of his hands on my cheeks right away and kissed me.

“I get jealous because I love you” I smiled in between the kiss

The whole thing could be an amazing win. So, I needed to win.

Every time I completed a lap, the crowd cheer felt nice, all the cheering, everything felt very well deserved because of the hardwork I did till now. I didn’t realize, it was already the last lap, and I overtook the only car which was infront of me, pressing the accelerator and the finish line was a few meters away, I could easily, reach the finish line in a few minutes. I was focused on everything, my focus was on the finish line, that one line, I wanted to complete, to show my parents that I wasn’t some loser.

“You are not meeting him again, that’s it.” I looked at my dad in disbelief, had he not caught me driving with Seungcheol four days ago. I was grounded, being, twenty-three and almost having no freedom to do anything.

“Because you’re leaving today in a few hours, everything is ready. You will go study.”

 “I am not leaving.” He gave me my flight tickets, “Shasha,, don’t you remember how you came injured one time and you lied about it, but come to think about it, you fell from a bike” I wasn’t even injured badly, I got a few scratches. “I can’t see you getting involved in any kind of accident because of racing, so you’re leaving. You can’t do anything” and I had to leave him without words. Somewhere I knew how things could go downhill if I didn’t agree with my dad. He could do any kind of harm to Seungcheol because he knew him and had connections all over the world.

But after I went to Switzerland I started driving, learning with all the hardwork along with my studies. I had one thing in my mind while leaving, and that was to keep the thing alive within myself which was gifted by Seungcheol, because we won’t be having contact anymore. I hated to leave but I had to.

“You can never do anything in this, it’s something which you are doing under the influence of your boyfriend, and this is what you get.”

I always told myself, I could do everything I wanted to. One good thing that happened after dad sent me to Switzerland, was I got better and better in my driving. And driving on this racetrack was the result of my hardwork; representing one of the best teams in less than two years, was something I never thought of. I needed to prove to my parents today that it was all worth, racing was all worth the whole championship. I was all excited to win this race because the car which I overtook was long gone. Few more seconds and I would be standing on the podium.

“Seungcheol’s car crashing because-” I pressed the brakes, without thinking twice. My whole body went stiff, I couldn’t focus on it anymore when I heard those three words ‘Seungcheol’s car crashing’. My car, drifted but I couldn’t reach the finish line, I got out of my car and ran towards Seungcheol’s car, making my heartbeat fast every second I was taking a step towards him.

I couldn’t hold myself anymore and ran towards his car, not caring about other cars passing by at speed. I somehow opened the door of his car and tried pulling him out. Tears were falling constantly. It reminded me of how I was about to get into an accident once while learning and Seungcheol almost crying holding me tight; telling me how he can’t lose me ot the thing he loves the most.  It felt like I was getting a déjà vu except the fact, it was Seungcheol who actually got into a car crash.

 I couldn’t wait for the paramedical team to come, why are they even late? “WHERE’S THE PARAMEDIC TEAM???” I was so annoyed, I couldn’t understand, couldn’t they see the car crash, and about the car crash I very well know who it could be.

Wish I was strong enough to pull him out “Seungcheol” I was calling out his name, but there he was stuck inside the car. Soon the paramedic team arrived and pulled him out. I was feeling numb, everything I was feeling for the past few minutes faded away, all the excitement, nostalgic memories, the passion that I had to win. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to see him, on the podium together, celebrating our victory but didn’t expect I would be meeting him like this.

Once the paramedic team took him towards the medical room on the stretcher, I was trying to calm myself down.

“I’m leaving with them. Over.” I took off my headset and almost threw it; not caring about anything else, the whole audience, my teammates, everyone was in shock, I could feel my boss threatening to kick me out of the team but I followed the paramedic team in tears.

I was sitting, while waiting for him to gain consciousness. With each passing second, I was worried about him, I was supposed to be worrying about my career, the race, the podium, my boss, my teammates how I let them down, and my own parents whom I wanted to show that I could do this, this is something I wanted to do. I was feeling messed up until I saw him gaining consciousness, I looked at him. He looked lost, “Seungcheol”

“What are you doing here?” the shift in his voice, took me aback, I should’ve expected this after what I did five years ago.

 “What do you mean?” I wiped my tears, trying to make my voice stable.

“You were supposed to be in the podium, holding that trophy” he tried sitting up, when I extended my hand to help him, he stopped me.

 “I didn’t complete the race.” I looked at him.

“What were you thinking?” the authority he had while questioning to me, even my boss didn’t talk to me like that “Did I teach you to drive like that and leave the race when you were about to win?”

“Seungcheol, I don’t give a shit about the race when it comes to you.” I had it enough, how could he even ask that to me?

“Did I teach you THAT?” I almost flinched, when he raised his voice at me, he never did.

 “But I couldn’t leave you like that” The horror I felt a few minutes ago, flashed infront of my eyes; almost making me tear up. This was important for me but he was more important for me. I was learning everything because I wanted to meet him, this was the only way to meet him. I couldn’t let myself down when I promised him that we would be standing beside each other on the podium after the race finishes.

“But you left me.” his words were stern as if he had no emotions left for me. “I didn’t want to, I had no other choice.”

“You left me, Shasha. You LEFT me.”

 “I DIDN’T WANT TO” and my tears were almost choking me. How do I explain to him, that I had no choice back then but to agree with whatever my father chose for me, that was the only thing I could do for us.

I was shaking my head in denial, I looked at him, five years… five years; I waited for him. I wanted to see him, smile at me or maybe I expected too much by hoping he would hug me as soon as he will see me and maybe tell me how much he missed me and how much he loved me. But it felt like I was shattering myself only by expecting too much from a guy whom I loved so dearly.

“You were the reason, I could bring myself here, I had no other way. I wanted to prepare myself to face you but then, it looked like I was the only one missing you and hoping for a second chance.” He looked at me, I wanted him to pull me closer and wipe my tears.

He sat up facing me, “You left me Shasha, nothing could change the fact.”

“I had no choice Seungcheol, why don’t you understand that? All these years, I was longing for you, waiting for the right time to meet you, tell you everything and I didn’t expect to meet you like this? in a fucking car crash where I could see my own life flashing right infront of me”

“You didn’t have to lose the race for me?”

 “And it was okay to lose you?” I questioned him, if he thinks this race was important than him, then I needed to prove him wrong, nothing is more important than him.

“You lost me once already. You were long gone even before I knew that you had left me. Tell me Shasha, did I really deserve that kind of treatment? I was so broken and there wasn't even a way to find my answers...I didn't know what questions to ask because we were so perfect back then. We were so happy and you just decided to break it all off without any explanation. I didn't need you to lose the race for me Shasha. I needed you to give me a chance.... or at least some answer. Do you have any idea the kind of self-deprecating thoughts I have had since then?”

 “I...I am so sorry Seungcheol. I don’t know how to explain what happened. In the simplest of words,” I tried to not choke on my tears, trying to give him the explanation he deserves “My parents found out about us that day I went back home. I was grounded for 4 days, without internet or phone or email someone who could have conveyed my message to you. Seungcheol I wanted to tell you but the next moment I was allowed to step out of the room was when my dad handed me the flight ticket. They sent me to another country and I had no way to contact you from the other side of the world. I am sorry but I really wanted to tell you at least once that I loved you then. I really did. But my dad could have ruined your career and I couldn’t risk your chance at getting your happiness. You had worked so hard for it. So between my love and your career, I chose your happiness.”

“Shasha, look at me” his eyes softened and he pulled me to sit beside him on the bed.

“What did I tell you about distractions?” he took a pause “One distraction and you lose focus, which means you lose the-

I kissed him, and let my tears fall down gracefully. The lingering feeling was still there, I wanted him to kiss me back to tell me that I wasn’t the only one still in love with him. I was asking for a second chance for both of us.  I pulled myself apart and looked at him. I couldn’t read him, like I used to, there was a thick air between us, “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have- he pulled me by my neck and kissed me.

I felt my lips getting wet, it was his tears. “I missed you, so much my love,” he said in between our kiss, and kissed me again, harder than earlier. We parted after, and we were almost out of breath, “Seungcheol” my voice came out low, and in another blink, he was kissing me again. He kissed me like he wanted to remind me how he tasted and wanted me and how much he loved me. “I loved you so much, I was losing myself when you weren’t with me. these five years, I yearned for you. I wanted you to come back to me, be mine again. But I couldn’t find you anywhere until one day I saw you on the big screen, racing just like the way I taught you. I was ready to face you on the race track and today when I saw you, I had no idea how to react. You looked like mine but not mine to lose.” His words had those unspoken emotions, “I” he said and looked at me, “Will” he came closer, almost our breaths hitting “love” he kissed me “You” and another kiss “Forever” and another kiss, which almost made me fall back, but he was quick to hold me by my waist and pull me closer. My hands went to his neck and he kissed me harder. I just knew, all these years it was hard for us not to break apart and stay in the hope of each other’s love and that I would never have enough of Seungcheol.

I broke the kiss, “I love you so much” and kissed him again

Flower (c.sc)

genre: HARD ANGST

pairing: S.Coups (Choi Seungcheol) x reader

series: Song Fic Series! - If I

word count: 2.3k

WARNINGS: major character death, mentions of blood, hospitalization, and disease.

summary: regret and mourning

author’s notes: are posted separately!! take a look if you’re feeling bored LOL

MASTERLIST

If the word I said countlessly came true

Seungcheol tirelessly dragged his feet up the hospital stairs, quietly telling himself to stay strong for one more day before entering your hospital room. There wasn't much to the room you stayed in, it was just as bleak as the others in the building. Yours though had a vase full of vibrant flowers adorning the table beside the guest chair.

A bright smile graced your features at the sight of him. You were sitting upright to get a good look at the view outside of your hospital window before he walked in. Bright rays of sunlight leaked into your room, bathing you in the sun's warm hug. Your sketchbook lay open on the overbed table, two small aster flowers sitting on the page of a finished sketch of the plant.

Seungcheol gifted you a chaste kiss before placing his belongings next to the vase of flowers and pulled the guest chair to your bed, ready to talk to you about his day. Speckled scars from your IV needle graced the top of your hand, Seungcheol being cautious when taking your hand in his. The shared smiles and faint giggles in this bleak room were more than enough for him; even the quiet conversations and comforting silences were perfect to him, just as long as he was with you.

Seungcheol wanted to pretend that everything was normal. He wanted you to feel normal and happy despite the sudden relapse of your childhood disease. He wanted to pretend that your skin wasn’t losing its color each day that you remained in the hospital or that you weren’t dying and that any day could be your last. He clung to you, childishly, wanting to spend every minute with you.

If I, if I, if I

The to-do list, because I couldn’t do it, its meaning is completely changed

Seungcheol still had his share of responsibilities despite his wishes to stay by your side 24/7. He still had college and a job to pay rent, which he became disinterested in both. A growing number of absences began appearing on Seungcheol’s school record; the frequent warnings from his boss no longer bothered him. He could no longer concentrate on anything other than you, and his life was being affected by it.

Seungcheol would often reminisce about the memories with you outside of the hospital when your paling skin was still its vibrant color and your smile wider and brighter than it is now. Memories where you would drag him to different places that he had never seen or noticed before or experience something new and fun. Seungcheol smiled to himself, remembering how eager and wide-eyed you were to see the world even before the two of you started dating. He was able to experience and come to understand your perspective as an artist. And he admired you for it, your ability to see beauty in everything, even in him.

And within that month where Seungcheol finally managed to ask you out and become his significant other, he was able to experience pure love and adoration from you. It is because of this love he refuses to accept the reality coming between your relationship with him.

There was still so much that he wanted to do and see with you; the different dates and days that he could only envision with you in it would only remain in his imagination. Everything that he had planned out would remain undone ever since you were admitted to the hospital.

Seungcheol’s to-do list no longer consisted of different escapades with you, but only to see you smile every day.

If I, if I, if I

I didn’t want to calculate the widened angle between us

You knew you didn’t have much time left; the doctors informing you that your time is limited, the disease spreading through your body too fast to cure. Your sickness weakened your body each day; it was growing harder to wake up from the worsening fatigue. It was something that you didn't want to think about or bring up when you were with Seungcheol, despite him being aware of what was to come.

You could tell that your worsening health was taking a toll on him. You were aware that he was ditching classes and that his job position was being threatened. You knew that he wanted to spend all of his time with you and that you did too. You loved him with all that you had to give; he became your everything without realizing it.

You often cried about the thought of dying and leaving everything behind, usually when Seungcheol left for his night shift or those rare times that he was in school (after scolding him). There were times that you despised yourself for causing so much pain to the person you have grown to love. There were nights where you cried, wishing that you were never diagnosed with this cursed disease, that you had a life with no more medication and pain, to repay Seungcheol for all that he has done while you were, hospitalized. You hated being so weak in front of him, sometimes pushing him away even though you wanted him to stay with you. You cried in fear when he was not there with you, selfish tears falling during the night at the thought of him finding someone else to love apart from you.

As the number of days you spent in the hospital rose, the weaker your body became; the pain in your chest from heartbreak and disease became more evident as breathing became difficult day by day.

With a sudden urge to draw you focused your strength into grabbing the pencil laying on the crease of your sketchbook. Everyday actions had grown increasingly difficult with your weakening strength. The pencil felt heavy in your hand, like carrying bricks, and you brought your other to help stabilize your shaking hand. A quiet sob escaping your lips from frustration and anger as the line on the paper scribbled into nothing. The silent clinking of your pencil hitting the ground didn’t make it to your ears as hot tears fell down your face. Your hands fell to your sides, weak and tired from something so simple. A sudden pain struck your chest making your body lurch forward. A violent array of coughs erupted from you; small droplets of blood mixed with your saliva stained the blank pages of the sketchbook. With blurry vision, you continued to fight for air, the quickening noises of the heart monitor dulling into a loud ringing in your ears as fuzzy images of nurses rushed into the room.

Your eyes shifted to the corner of the room where a vase of wilting flowers sat. Its petals splayed on the guest table, brown and limp, some falling like the confetti for their funeral.

If I-

Seungcheol was looking at the bright colors of the flowers behind the shop's window on his way to you. The colors reminded him of you in a way; the flower’s vibrant petals livened up the dreary afternoon he was experiencing.  

It wasn’t the first time he had been in the shop; Seungcheol had been getting flowers for you here since you hospitalized that the employees at the store began to recognize him whenever he came by. Seungcheol purchased a bouquet of chrysanthemums, as recommended by the florist who told him that it symbolized joy and long life, before heading to the hospital to do his daily visit.

The sky was filled with dark clouds, hiding the sun when Seungcheol made it to the hospital entrance. There was a bad feeling in his stomach and the weather was not helping with his growing anxiety. His grip on the flowers tightened as he hurried his way up to the floor your room was on.

Seungcheol felt his stomach drop at the sight of nurses rushing in and out of your room. He slowly staggered to your open door, pushing through some of the nurses crowding the area to get to you.

Visions and images of you came flooding into his mind as he inched closer to the door, his mind imagined your smiling face, smiling for him and him alone, and you that would jump into his arms and press kisses on his face telling him that you had healed. He imagined walking with you, hand in hand, out of this grim place and taking you to the beaches of Jeju, dancing on the shoreline. And he imagined saying his vows to you, dressed up so prettily with his friends and family around the two of you, and seeing his ring sit on your finger forever.

Seungcheol stopped breathing at the sight of your limp hand dangling on the edge of your bed.

Nurses pushed him out of the way in a rush to save you as he stood there, the chaos in the hall filtered out by the loud ringing of the flat line on your heart monitor. The ringing didn’t stop.

I’m late but even now, my eyes and mouth are full of you; A day passes and the regret is too deep- I’m drowning in it

Jihoon had been the one to take Seungcheol out of the hospital. He received a call earlier from the hospital, Jihoon's number being listed under Seungcheol’s emergency contact papers after your name, telling him to remove Seungcheol from the waiting room.

Jihoon quickly grabbed Seungcheol's prepped overnight bag and brought him to his apartment complex. The tight-lipped man didn’t want his friend to be by himself, so he welcomed Seungcheol to stay with him until he was stable enough to be on his own.

Seungcheol felt himself drifting. His head and heart felt empty as if he were floating in space, drifting aimlessly forever without anywhere to go.

Nothing felt real to him anymore; he would often think that he was stuck in the void that your passing had created in his head.

There were times where he would close the world out, where everything would turn black. And suddenly, you would appear, your skin returned to its glowing and natural color, your smile would be shining as it always did whenever he saw you, and your hand would take him, so warm and alive, pulling him into the embrace that he craved and begged so much to have one last time.

His eyes filled to the brim with tears for you, soft broken whimpers of your name escaping his mouth during the night that Jihoon would hear through the thin bedroom walls of the guest room while working. Jihoon could only hang his head in shame, praying for his friend to find peace with your passing.

Seungcheol felt like he was drowning, regret building inside of him. His hopes and dreams that he wished to fulfill with you suffocated him.

If I could have given you the proper support…

If I could have given you that last kiss…

If I could have given you that last ‘I love you’…

If I could still have time.

I’ll do whatever to love you again.

~

Where you going, where are you going

Why do I feel my grip loosening

My fist holding onto the edge of your clothes

Why am I losing strength

Our path, our promise to be together

Is already thwarted and you walk away

Turning your back on me

 It reduces to a single dot

It’s too empty outside of that interest

I hope that that dot

Comes back before me and turns into you

 If I could

If I could

If I could

I’ll do whatever

…

Seungcheol stands in front of your grave years after your death, a fresh aster flower in his hand as he reminisces on the memories the two of you shared in your younger years. These memories that could only bring him sadness in the past made him smile, time allowing his wound of you to heal in his heart. The thoughts of "what could have been" were able to fade with time as well.

Sometimes though, a few tears would escape. Seungcheol let out a sniffle, a dopey smile gracing his features as he apologized to you. He gently placed the flower on your headstone, his fingers tracing the grooves of your carved name on the stone as he did every time he visited you. He let his hand linger just a bit longer on your grave as he longed silently, hoping his prayers get to you. A ring of love adorned his ring finger as the rays of the sun bounced off the metal. Seungcheol’s face now with visible signs of age, smiled once more at your grave, whispering the words he wished he could have said to you before your passing,

 “I’ll love you forever my flower.”

 If we can walk this path together again

I want to hold your hands and give you warmth

If I hold your cheeks with warmed hands

Will you smile again for me?

Then let’s do.

 If I

yall i edited it i think its finally cool now guys please i like sobbed three times while trying to edit help hey you should def give it a read tho what omg 

Flower (c.sc)

genre: HARD ANGST

pairing: S.Coups (Choi Seungcheol) x reader

series: Song Fic Series! - If I

word count: 2.3k

WARNINGS: major character death, mentions of blood, hospitalization, and disease.

summary: regret and mourning

author’s notes: are posted separately!! take a look if you’re feeling bored LOL

MASTERLIST

Keep reading

=͟͟͞͞˳˚॰°ₒ৹๐ S.Coups Fics/Drabbles/Blurbs Rec. List [updated: 20/7/2022]

— [♡] ; Heart Out by @dominocheol

Synopsis: Choi Seungcheol is in love with his best friend and roommate. She is the only one who doesn’t know.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): choi seungcheol x reader (pronouns are she/her)

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): Implied smut, slight possessive!seungcheol, (a bit of) invasion of privacy

— [♡] ; game day by @escapewriter

Synopsis: jeonghan was successful in getting you out of bed on a tuesday afternoon. what you thought was going to be a simple lunch that he would pay for, was actually a trick to make you finally go see him and the rest of your friends play their first game of the season. of course, the universe always messes with you so here you were at the nurses office with jeonghan’s teammate, treating your hurt ankle.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): soccer player!seungcheol x college student!female reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): swearing

— [♡] ; stepping up by @whatsk-poppinhomies

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): single parent!seungcheol x teacher!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): slight angsty themes (mentions of a breakup)

— [♡] ; did you hit me with the confundus charm? by @sbnchaos

Synopsis: in which Choi Seungcheol is confused about three things; how the hell to pass his seventh year of potions, why Professor Malfoy hates him so much (it might be because of how terribly he’s doing in his class) and where your feeling for him stands.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): Gryffindor!seungcheol x slytherin!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): none

— [♡] ; 13 reasons why | reason no.1: it has a warm-hearted owner by @lily-blue

Synopsis: your love for each other with Seungcheol comes so naturally, it’s like it’s been there from the beginning

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): coffee shop owner!seungcheol & best friend!you

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): angst-ish

— [♡] ; dad!seungcheol by @horanghoe

Synopsis: in which seungcheol and you are parents

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): dad!seungcheol x fem!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): mentions of suggestive jokes

— [♡] ; mafia au!seungcheol by @97-liners

Synopsis: the plan was easy. you would marry the younger choi heir, formally codifying the alliance between your families, then you would join their inner fold and destroy them from the inside out.

pretending to be in love was easy enough. getting seungcheol on board with the alliance was easy enough. convincing everyone that you're just a stupid princess was easy enough. but the only problem is that seungcheol isn't the careless pretty boy you had assumed him to be, and you quickly discover that he's just as cunning as you are.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): mafia!seungcheol x fem!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): mafia au, thriller, gratuitous violence and scheming

— [♡] ; the return of supercheol by @serenityseventeen

Synopsis: Choi Seungcheol, well known as the leader of SEVENTEEN, stage name S.Coups, is joining ‘The Return Of Superman’ show with his beautiful two-year-old daughter, Si-Eun. What is it like on the first morning with the new family?

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): father!seungcheol x mother!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): none

— [♡] ; apologies by @jae-bummer

Synopsis: in which seungcheol tries to impress you

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): seungcheol x reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): none

— [♡] ; read all about it by @deedeekpop

Synopsis: Seungcheol never seems to have much time on his hands, but after he meets you, his schedule suddenly gets a lot freer.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): football player!Seungcheol x journalist!reader [gn reader]

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): burnt injuries

— [♡] ; because I love you by @starlightxsvt

Synopsis: harboring feelings for your best friend of years have never been this hard. now, when he shows up with a beautiful girl in his arms you aren't sure how long you can keep your feelings to yourself.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): best friend!seungcheol x female!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): cursing, jealousy(lots of it), Halloween party, reader wears a slutty witch outfit, emotional constipation,arguments, crying, heavy makeouts, them both horny.

— [♡] ; 3 dates by @starlightxsvt

Synopsis: after one fateful encounter with him you cannot get him out of your head. so you opt to do some crazy things to catch his attention and even snag a few dates with him. only trouble is he isn't the type to stay after the whole disposition is over.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): badboy!seungcheol x fem!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): cursing, mentions of killing, mentions criminal activities, slight violence(non explicit), smoking, ma man Seungcheol ain't your typical badboy, self doubt, blackmailing, reader does all sorts of risky things, blood(nothing explicit), kissing, marking, mature/suggestive themes

— [♡] ; fated by @starlightxsvt

Synopsis: mafia/gang au!seungcheol

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): mafia!seungcheol x female reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): cursing and fighting

— [♡] ; sunrises by @starlightxsvt

Synopsis: in which seungcheol and you are in the midst of a zombie apocalypse

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): seungcheol x fem!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): zombies and deaths

— [♡] ; fractured parenting by @cafeshuaaa

Synopsis: parenting can be an emotional rollercoaster when you’re far from divorced and the flames are far from dying.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): seungcheol x afab!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): mentions of divorce, bullying, food/weight

— [♡] ; me and my husband by @cafeshuaaa

Synopsis: even after marriage, your husband has peculiar habits that catch you off guard.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): vampire!seungcheol x afab!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): some blood mentions

— [♡] ; support system by @blu-joons

Synopsis: in which seungcheol is grateful to have you to look out for him

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): seungcheol x reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): none

+ posting, after breaking up w/ svt hhu (texts)

warnings : haha angst… lowkey toxic but it’s for the plot

pairing : hhu!seventeen x fem!reader;

choi seungcheol :

jeon wonwoo :

kim mingyu :

chwe vernon :

thinking of doing this with all units. gotta love me some angst ˙ᵕ˙

please request texts or fake texts, would be more than happy to provide! reblogs, likes, comments are all appreciated deeply, ILY!

©️heavensclqud 2024

lie to girls.

pairing: scoups x f!reader

genre: angst, mature

word count: 475

summary: If they like you, girls will lie to themselves. Like you, girls will lie to themselves.

a/n: I'm such a big Sabrina fan and lie to girls is my allllll time fav song of hers.💓 this is my first fic on this blog. this post contains mature topics such as mentions of alcohol and implied alcohol abuse.

tags: @wannabelife - thanks bestie for bonding w me over svtxsabrina!!!

There was an edge to the tension palpitating through the room. You could feel it like an erratic heartbeat, thumping across your body. He was faced away from you, a fifteen foot distance between your bodies and yet you could smell the drinks on him. 

He couldn’t bear to turn around and drown in the pool of guilt that were your eyes.

“I swear I didn’t-” 

“Seungcheol, stop.”  

He can’t deal with it. Neither can you. 

For different reasons, of course. 

“I promise it’s been so long since I last drank, I didn’t even mean-” 

“-Seungcheol stop.”

At this point you didn’t know if this issue had been going on for weeks, months, or even years. Your boyfriend, he was your best friend. You told yourself over and over - “He’s just the life of the party”, “He’s just so social!”. But what party lasted weeks? Lifetimes? 

He wasn’t a bad boyfriend. No, he was the best! He just had a few issues, you could work on them together, for sure. If you left him now, who would he have? The hollow of his eyes spoke volumes, the rouge of his cheeks gave away the whole story. Yet, he stood there, his eyes finally connecting with yours.

He stands there and lies through his teeth.

“You don’t have to lie to me-” 

“-I’m not lying! I didn’t touch anything, it was just a on-”

“A one time thing yeah.”

You had to fight for this. You had to fight for him, because who else would? He certainly wouldn’t. He’d wash himself away under the pretense of self searching at the bottom of a pint glass of whiskey. This was your responsibility. He was just a boy falling sick, nothing else. He was your boy. Yours.

It didn’t matter that he stumbled into your apartment drunk on your birthday, touched you for the first time in months, hugged you for the first time in what felt like years- kissed you. His fumbling hands on your red dress that he had bought you when things were still okay. No, things are still okay. Everything is fine. 

It didn’t matter when you canceled your yearly family dinner with your family to clean vomit out of your white persian rug. You tried to talk to him about it then, but he just called you crazy, saying ‘it’s just a bit of fun, babe. You should try it some time’. 

So now, he didn’t have to lie to you. 

“I-I’m really sorry.” 

His arms wrapped around your frame, his slurring voice whispering into your hair. 

“For what?” You asked. 

“Everything. I’ll make everything fine again baby, I promise.” 

You let yourself melt in his arms, because now, he didn’t have to lie to you. 

‘I’ll make everything fine again’ 

He lied to himself enough.

‘I promise.’

And you lied to yourself in return.