Self-harm - Tumblr Posts - Page 2
“The Rhythm of Pain” colored pencil, 19.5" x 25.5"
Its the Bipper
Right Here, Right Now
TW: mentions of suicide, self harm
What if, right here, right now,
I just jumped from off this roof?
What if, right here, right now,
I took this gun?—for no one’s bulletproof.
What if, right here, right now,
I took this rope and let me swing?
What if, right here, right now,
I took those pills? These tiny things?
Coward, you screamed—coward, coward
Never did anything right
Always failed, always disappointed
So what if I gave into the night?
What if, right here, right now,
I took this knife, right at that vein
Slashed ‘til I found blood and bone
And let thick crimson liquid rain?
So slit my throat. Slit my arms.
Slice this traitorous heart of mine.
Carve these words into my chest.
Smile and say that everything’s fine.
Cut these thoughts. Cut these hands.
Cut the voices inside my head.
Ignorance is bliss—and so’s oblivion
‘Cause nothing can hurt me if I’m dead.
The brother of Hellbent’s player character, Judah! The outfits here are his standard, work uniform, and cold weather/ashfall ones. He’s the platonic route option out of the five total relationship routes. (Warning for mentions of suicide/addiction under the cut.)
Judah is a trans man who survived being kicked out at 15 and his subsequent heroin addiction and suicide attempt that left him with a TBI and a missing eye. He’s a dauntless and fierce individual who never backs down on his convictions, which makes him both principled and a little too aggressive and rigid. His passions lie in fishkeeping and writing, as well as paying what he views as a debt to his brother for working to care for him when he was hospitalized. He possesses a power called Othersight that robs him of the ability to see color in exchange for the ability to see people’s auras. It also lets him see certain strange otherdimensional beings on occasion, but he doesn’t particularly enjoy that. (Click here if you’re interested in commissioning a character sheet for your own OC!)
Snow Cones
Perfection meets Perfectionist #5 | copyright to saturnfairycat
Author's note: this one is definitely heavy. and VERY taken out of context, it is a continuation of the current storyplot, but just very well ahead into the story. enjoy!
Snow Cones
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It was 2 am, when I heard you scream.
I could tell that it was from the top of your lungs. As if all the rage and frustration finally let itself free from years of resentment.
My body shook to the core, the feeling of my hairs standing up at the back of my neck made my blood turn cold. I was beyond afraid, but the thought of you in danger wasn't the only thing that came across my mind. There was a hint of insanity in your shriek, the echo afterwards screamed "revenge". Legs shaking, weak to the bone-- it took a lot to get me to move.
Will I be able to save you? Was the question. Will I be able to stop you? Was the answer.
If you continuously smash against a mirror, cracking it to pieces… at what point, do you stop? At what point, do you apologise and mend your wounds? If all the reflections were painted red, what's the difference in living now than being in hell? Your hatred can be smelt miles away. The crunching noise of your shoes under sharded glass as you kick and fling your arms to the ground with rage. The odd placements of hair was soaking under the blood that poured from your scraped skin. The skin on your arms was like a cracked mirror, in sections of shards threatening to break off completely. You yelled as you flung yourself on your knees, your eyes squinted as you winced at the cuts and impalement-- but still determined and blinded as you throw your hands up to the heavens. You looked down before you, at the frame of which held a quarter worth of what was left from destruction, hands clenching to one big, tight fist.
If a prayer wasn't suppose to be passive, this was the best demonstration I have ever seen. I could barely move. You were in a completely different world, and it felt as if I was just watching through a window, like some sort of sick movie. Do I have to smash through windows to reach you, too? I try to take a step forward, fighting with my voice as I briefly let out a peep of sound. Nothing was heard from you, I bet not even the sound of your heart banging on your rib cage could be acknowledged by you. Will I be able to stop you? The answer was also a question.
You closed your eyes for a brief moment, as you let your fist ride the heavens down to earth, gaining purposeful speed as you opened your eyes. The crashing sound of flesh and bone against glass was sickening, like listening to a bone saw cutting through someone's skull. There was a moment of silence. Where you stayed still. It appeared that you were enjoying the quiet, or perhaps, the sound of more blood gushing out of yourself.
It was the perfect time for me to move.
But how can I? When I have been watching this whole time? How could I find the audacity to save you now, when I couldn't even stop you?
Then there was a sound. Not a very loud one, but it grew in intensity as you threw your head back to the starry night. You laughed as bloody tears poured down your face, as a pool of your own blood surrounded you like a ritual circle. You laughed even when your voice cracked, you laughed even when you saw me. What was the look you gave me as you laughed at my face?
"Pathetic."
You eventually stop laughing. Your face turns cold as you continue to stare at me.
"Leave, February." I step a step back on instinct, the shock of your seemingly normal voice made my finger tips feel like ice. "I said go." I look with desperation in your eyes, they appear… normal. Have you realised I was here the whole time? Just… watching? Words finally escape my throat. "Etta, please-".
"I said leave, February. You saved me once, and I am thankful. But you can't save me for the second time, so just let me go."
I love you. And for the longest time I did not know whether it was platonic… or, something more. The conflict of the choices-- legally, I can't just let you be. But in terms of bonds, this is probably aligned for us at the get-go. The feeling I felt when I was around you, like I was able to help-- like I made a difference in your life and you felt the difference. If the effort and time I spent was really worth it, then how come it all came down to this? Haven't I given enough? All this time, when I thought I was being selfless-- have I truly been selfish?
"Etta, look… I. I don't know how to convince you to let me stay by your side. H-however, I do know that we're in our twenties. We're p-proper adults! We can make heart shaped pizzas around this time of night when we have watched too many movies, or eat snow cones earlier than we usually do-- or buy all the available awful muffins you like at the cafe. We can go climb snowy mountains or attempt to find Atlantis. We're not 17 anymore, we can do anything we want by our comfort levels…. a-and, I can't do all of this if you bleed out slowly, in the front of the abandoned building behind our apartment complex. I cannot fix you. But I can convince you to do it yourself."
I have managed to walk slowly towards you while I blurted out sentences from the back of my mind. My eyes hovering above yours as tears drop down to meet yours on your bloody cheeks.
"Just let me in that big broken mind of yours, and I promise it will get better." I cup their cheek slightly, determined and shaking. You close your eyes for a moment, eyelashes fluttering from my breath blowing onto your face. My heart pounds in my chest as I nervously survived through the long silence. The longer, the better. I swore I heard sirens in the distance approaching, though it is too soon for that just yet. I called as soon as you left my apartment, because the deranged look in your eyes made me think of death himself. I just need to stall as long as possible. I may not be able to stop you, but I can still answer a question whose answer is also a question.
"Alright." Your eyes met mine once more. The look behind your eyes was good enough for me to stand back and sigh with relief. I turn around for a second, avoiding to grit my teeth in front of you as I fought back tears. I may be selfish, but it is love's doing. I heard scraping noises behind me, in which made me smile because it sounds like you were slowly standing up. One baby step at a time, darl.
"You know how we always have snow cones on your birthday?"
I turn around as I hummed my answer, in which I forcefully stop as I gasp in horror. You have scraped all the small broken glass from the concrete, and cupped it in your sore hands levelled to your mouth.
"Looks like your birthday has come sooner than expected."
[image id: a traditional drawing of a white chubby person with short brown hair. They're slightly turned to the right and are holding their right arm with the left. Their left upperarm is covered in scars and they are wearing a black binder and black underwear. There are grey hands coming out from behind them, one pinching the fat on their stomach, one is grabbing their hair, the arm covered in scars and one is covering their mouth. The drawing is desaturated and the colors are cold. End image id]
Shut up, sit down and be good.
(ok to reblog)
shaking while tidying my room, thinking abt needing pain/food all the time, 3 painc attacks in 2 hours and crying for 3 hours straight
feel like somethings wrong with my brain
just a thought
Hello again! I just wanted to give you guys some facts about Echo to keep you guys entertained while the poll is still up.
●Echo had a eating disorder that gives her trouble actually wanting food or feeling insecure to eat something so the turtles (mostly Mikey and Raph) have to ask if she has eaten all the time
●She also has a human disguise and it's just a black hoodie with white sleeves and some shorts
●She can also speak Spanish fluently so she just helps Leo with his Spanish
●She wears a black colored mask that Mikey mare her
●Sometimes Leo would just say "Echoooo" to get her attention since her name is Echo like the sound waves and stuff
●Before she met the turtles she actually wore a ninja outfit that was just a cloak with baggie jeans and wore a gas mask as a cover up for half of her face
●I hate to say it but girlie has SH scars and Mikey helps covering then up with band-aids and stickers he made
●She likes jumping off buildings in front of the turtles (specifically Raph) since she knows Raph is going to catch her
Thats all the facts about Echo but I'll maybe have more later on so I'll see you next time!
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Here's Echo's back story for you guys
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Echo was a small sea turtle when she was captured by Draxum and experimented on but then she was given to Big Mama since she needed a new champion to replace Lou jitsu.
She was trained to become stronger and better and soon she started battling in the Battle-Nex Areana. Echo soon became a champion and was probably better then Lou jistu as some would say.
Echo soon became friends with other champions especially a girl names Mars that was a koi fish mutant. They were basically the best of friends and fought side by side a few times but you know what they always say, all friendships always come to an end....
She was soon forced to fight against Mars since Echo knew is she didn't then she would suffer massive consequences. After a bit battle she won, she was left with scars and cuts but the one thing that terrified her was seeing her best friends laying dead in front of her.
Eventually, she had enough of fighting against her will so she ran away as fast as she could and found a abandoned garage that she decided to live in. She started to get nightmares and actually became depressed. Echo started to do SH and actually got PTSD also but she started to stop and try and find a job in the Hidden city. She was looking for jobs and she ended up starting to work as a waiter at Heuso's, but one day he was serving 4 inparticular turtles that were trying to get her attention... Especially the one in 𝘳𝘦𝘥...
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Here's the official backstory for Echo but I'll probably edit some things later.