Sexual Orientation - Tumblr Posts

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆ Abrojedenamisan ⋆ ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ‧₊˚⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ 

૮꒰ྀི  ´ ᵕ `꒱აつ━☆‧₊˚ A s3xual / romantic orientation for those who’s orientation is both fluid and every orientation at once !

Jedenamisan : ( a term coined by @caeliangel ) a term for those who concider themselves to be every sexualities / orientations, weither it's at the same time, or fluctuating between them all, for whatever reasons. One could concider themselves multisexual, abrosexual or even, a form of pomosexuality!

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ‧₊˚⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ 

To Anon On Her Concern Over Her Sexual Orientation...

I understand and respect your feeling reserved or anxious about discussing your sexual orientation. Obviously you feel the need to talk about it, otherwise you wouldn't have broached the subject even though you became timid and withdrew. But that's normal because, for some people, it's just not an easy thing to do. This is largely because of our relationship w our parents, friends, school mates, religious orientation and the standards that society impose on us. I have a number of female friends around your age who are lesbian or aren't sure of their orientation just yet. You’re still young and being ambivalent about orientation is normal in many people your age. Often this concern arises out of the innate bi-sexuality in all of us. This is a scientifically proven biological state and is more pronounced in some of us more than others. And some of us are just more self-aware of our bi-sexuality and so it makes us wonder what our orientation really is. As I said, you're still young and still developing sexually. During this stage of development our hormones can send us mixed messages or even false positives. So, many of us will never know our true orientation until we have reached full physical maturity. But, honestly, there is nothing to be concerned about either way. Whatever you discover your orientation to be, it will be fine. What matters in the end is the quality of your person, not your sexual orientation <3 ~ Trabue

Hello, everyone! I've been on this app for probably a year now, so this will be my first post ever lol recently I've been questioning a lot of things mostly about labels and how it prevails to you identity. It's like, there are some who embrace their sexual orientation and labels that signify them but there are others feel like those sorts of labels like bi, gay, lesbian, non- binary, demisexual, asexual, pansexual , etc. are too restricting. Some feel that with all these stereotypes and rumors associated are what they're supposed to be. I identify as pansexual meaning that I like any gender but I am mostly about loving or liking one's personality. I felt like that this orientation fits perfectly with what I am feeling, but at the same time, I feel like this label might be too restricting or it's not articulating with what I am feeling. I just wanted to ask, do you think labels are too restricting, or do you think it's all in our heads? I don't mean to offend anybody, I am just curious on whether it's like a me being in my own head thing or is it like a worldwide thing to think about

I think I’d like to be a boy, but I like my chest and long hair and curves. Then I’d stay a woman, right? But I also want a pixie cut and to wear a suit. And I think having a…member would be interesting. Then maybe I want to be both? Or none? Not really. I mean, maybe, but I like having a definite idea or choice. Neither or both sounds like I’m indecisive. (I’m not trying to criticize, but it’s just not for me). I’m so confused. 

I don’t like sex. That’s clear at least not as a girl. But I like people. I can’t tell if I wanna date them or if I just think they’re pretty. I think both boys and girls are pretty. Masculine Boys with long, curly hair or the lesbian girls that wear a hat and too big t-shirts. Or have a pixie cut and a cottage core with long dresses or a crop top with black slacks. I automatically think that anyone who’s smart or with an academia core (like mine) is very beautiful. I have no idea what I am.

Types of sexual and romantic attractions ^^ With love,                Bi-Positive.

I made this for my informative speech in school~

Is there any incorrect or iffy information?? If so please send me an ask to let me know!!

EDIT 4: Most updated version as of May 6th!!!

when ur asexual friend gives you good advice

I just read this super sad post about this girl who’s asexual and married and everyone is basically telling her that she doesn’t deserve her husband/she’s just a prude/she should just do it anyway. So I want to tell you all right now that if people tell you this, or if they tell you you’ll never have a relationship, it is BULLSHIT. My husband is asexual and I’m not. He’s sex repulsed, we don’t have sex, we never have. And it doesn’t matter to me. You know what does? He does. His mental health and wellbeing matter to me. Because he is my best friend and he’s one of the smartest, kindest, funniest people I’ve ever met. And he’s had people tel him that he’s broken and it makes me SO ANGRY because they are WRONG. Being different doesnt mean you’re broken. If you don’t like sex/don’t want it/etc. Do not let anyone tell you that you’re inferior because you’re not. Do not let anyone convice you that you’ll never have a relationship because they’re wrong(if you want one). You are not broken, and it will be okay.

So my friends know I'm asexual and I've tried to explain to them I'm not only asexual but Biromantic as well but they don't seem to get it. I often talk about dating someone or getting married but their response is always, but you can't your asexual. How do I explain to them that just because I don't feel sexual attraction doesn't mean I don't feel romantic attraction? It's really starting to get to me that they don't understand.

Ask them why. It’s going to be easier to talk to them if you have specific points to rebuff. So, ask why they think you can’t be in a relationship because you’re asexual, and then answer. Here’s a few possibilities:

“You can’t be in a relationship without sex.” - Sex doesn’t make a relationship good. Good relationships require honesty, communication, compassion, etc - not sex. Sex is not mandatory in relationships. It’s an activity some people like to have as a part of their relationships, but not required. Sex is not romance and it is not love. A good relationship involves exactly as much sex as the people in it want - which means that if one person in the relationship doesn’t want sex, then sex is not a part of that relationship. 

“Being asexual means you don’t want to date.”  - Sexual attraction isn’t romantic attraction. Sexual attraction is “I want to have sex with you” and romantic attraction is “I want to date you.” You can feel one without the other and you can date without sex being a thing. 

“No one will want to be with you if you don’t have sex” or “Your partner will leave you if you don’t have sex with them” - Good. Those people are bad partners for an asexual who doesn’t want sex. A good partner is someone who puts your comfort ahead of their libido and respects your boundaries. Anyone who puts sex ahead of your boundaries and comfort is not a good fit. 

Just some ideas.

-Kiowa

Hi, I’m an asexual person, and I still experience attraction.

I find people attractive, I get crushes, I like the thought of physical affection and maybe kissing someone if I really like them. I’d like to share a bed with a significant other sometime, hold their hand and dance the most sexually provocative ballroom dances with them, but I also want to make stupid jokes and laugh and have pillow fights and watch Community with them too.

I’m ace, and I talk about sex all the time. I make jokes about it and point it out at every opportunity, because for me that helps normalize a concept that doesn’t otherwise apply to my life. I love innuendo and sex jokes and teasing people (all in good fun) about that sort of thing. It helps my brain accept sexual activity as something that is normal and a part of many people’s lives. It could be part of mine one day, but I don’t know yet.

I’m ace, and that means that I don’t experience sexual attraction. At least, I think I don’t. Orientation is fluid, and I may eventually discover that I’m somewhere else on the ace spectrum (gray-ace, demi, who knows), but for now I’m asexual. That doesn’t mean I’ll never experience arousal or that I will never have sex. My orientation refers to sexual attraction, and that’s it, and I think sometimes people forget that part of asexuality.

That’s not to say that I am a sexual person. I’m not. As I am now, I don’t think I will ever want to have sex of any sort, and I know it’s the same for a lot of ace-spectrum people. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But it is not the only ace experience out there.

And especially right now, with valentines day approaching, I want to remind you all that we’re all different. There are aces out there with thriving sex lives (whether with others or with themselves), there are aces out there who have never had sex and never want to, there are aces out there everywhere in between. There are alloromantic aces and aromantic aces. There are aces who will be going on ‘traditional’ dates, aces who go on non-traditional dates, aces who prefer not to go on dates at all and aces who wish they had someone to go on a date with. There will be aces who will kiss someone on the 14th, or next week, or next year, and there are aces who don’t want to be romantically intimate with anyone, and aces who will kiss someone in a completely platonic way.

There will be aces who send cards with sexual innuendos as a joke, there will be aces who send them completely seriously (because let me remind you that libido is entirely separate from orientation/attraction), and aces who won’t touch sex jokes with a nineteen-and-a-half-foot pole.

Everyone’s relationship with their orientation is unique and different. Ace-spectrum people are no exception.

It’s All A Fucking Joke, Right

In the few months I’ve been modding at fuckyeahasexual and touring ace Tumblr, there’s been a very. Steady. Stream of info that detail horrifically abusive situations and overall poor mental unhealth. Two a week in the inbox if I’m lucky, usually around seven-ten.

And there’s been so many, I can officially categorize all 500+ of these kinds of asks and submissions into an extensive bulletlist of Why Asexual Exclusionary Radicalism Is Incredibly Toxic And Shitty;

Coming Out To Family, Friends, And Employers

“My parents keep telling me that I’m something else, and it’s making me doubt my sense of judgement, not just about my sexual identity, but also about everything in general.”

“My family, friends, and co-workers keep referring to me as an inanimate object in a manner that’s clearly meant to humiliate and devastate me. Nothing I say will get them to stop.”

“My parents vocally/bodily forced me to undergo medical examinations, some of them concerning my sexual organs, many of them concerning blood tests and other trauma-centric procedures.”

“My family is intervening with my private life by changing my schedule to include exercise, socialization, friend influences, and whatever they think can ‘change’ me.”

“My friends/co-workers no longer respect my bodily boundaries when I came out to them, because they no longer see me as someone who should be respected. They regularly touch, fondle, grope, and prod me without permission, and/or verbally harass me, and don’t take my objections seriously.”

“My family, friends, and co-workers no longer just harass me, but also anyone I’m currently dating because they view my significant other as pathetic, underserved, or even being abused.”

First Few Days Of Dating

“My date got irrationally angry and confrontational when I came out to them, in a manner that made me fearful.” (SO many of these.)

“My date immediately lost any respect they had for my boundaries, no longer asked for consent, and {tried to} force themselves upon me.” (A lot of these, too)

“My date tried to verbally circumvent any boundaries and issues I confessed to, and it made me feel like I was in danger.”

“I didn’t come out to my date at first, and when they found out, they radically changed their behavior in an attempt to control and manipulate our new relationship to their benefit.”

Long-Term Relationships

“My partner has forcefully and radically changed our long-term relationship after finding out about my asexuality, and I’m now trapped and controlled in a way that I wasn’t before.”

“My partner broke up with me/is fighting with me because of my asexuality, and trying to make it seem like I’m hurting them. It’s made me doubt myself and my ability to trust my own intentions.”

“My partner is slowly changing from what was once supportive of my asexuality, and I’m wondering when I have the right to be worried and when I’d be overreacting. I’m aware of the worst case scenario, but I also worry that I’m being selfish and childish - which are things I’ve been told all throughout my asexual experience.”

Self-Care And Self Development

“I don’t trust my ability to say either yes or no in sexual situations, and this has extended to my life in general. I don’t feel comfortable in my ability to self-determinate.”

“The lack of authority, definition, and schooling of the concept of asexuality has made me very uncomfortable with what I think I am, and that uncertainty haunts me every waking moment.”

“I think it’s too late/too early to tell if I’m asexual, but the longer I hesitate, the worse my mental health and emotional wellbeing gets. I’m effectively stuck.”

“I see no benefit in coming out, or even identifying as asexual. There’s no positivity, role models, or supportive community for what I consider a big and scary part of my overall identity.”

“I think this was sexual abuse, but I’m wondering if I’m just being selfish and childish.”

“I think I was treated badly by my parents/friends/partner, but I’m wondering if I’m just being selfish and childish.”

“I want to believe that I’m deserving of equal freedom and human respect paid to other, not asexual people, but people tell me I’m being selfish and childish.”

“No one encourages this part of me. And that makes me feel forgotten and abandoned in general.”

Shut the fuck up about your petty beef with tumblr bloggers and youtubers and Archie comics or whatever. I literally do not care, I can’t care. I see these messages every goddamn day - this post was written and drafted a month ago, and I very easily compiled most of this bulletpoint list from scratch, just by eyeing what I see in the askbox and what comes across my dash. 

‘Ace discourse’ anger is empty and so meaningless. This is what I see by being part of this one 17k follow asexual ask blog for maybe half a year. I am so Done with all the faux rage posts and all the false positivity about how it’s ok to NOT be ace and all the acephobia that falls perfectly in line with the gaslighting typical of acephobia-101 while also having the audacity to claim it not so.

This is what’s real and I want to bleed it into your goddamn eyes.

Bill Nye just casually validated asexuality and I spent ten minutes crying in my kitchen.

My Asexual Story, 2018.

Another little autobiographical comic I whipped together (this was drawn in like two hours tops so don’t judge the drawings lmao). To clarify, I am in a happy long-term committed relationship with a non-ace girl and we’re both very happy with our relationship, and I have never had bad experiences with relationships because of my asexuality. Being ace isn’t a big deal to me - I barely think about it - but asexuality is something that a lot of people seem to have trouble fully understanding, so I wanted to take some time to describe it the way I see it in my life and from my perspective. Every story is different - here’s mine.