Actually Traumatized - Tumblr Posts
Lmao I have a safety pin through my ear rn ★~(◡‿◡✿)
I miss my cats
Wym go to therapy?
I just need to be pretty, and easily destoryed like a sacrificial lamb♡
This is a good take Mostly™️
My one qualm is I feel like maybe either I or OP don’t grasp the same concept of system accountability
To me this means taking account for when shit hits the fan
With singlets I imagine this to be like not being sober and saying something unintentionally hurtful or doing something and regretting it later after realizing you were just hungry/tired/depressed
With systems it’s “hey I know objectively *I* didn’t do a shitty thing but I know (or may not know but know it happened that) *alter* did and since we share a body it is still *my* responsibility to apologize/try and reconcile for hurting someone”
At least to us, again I could be wrong, but system accountability isn’t like, “CONTROL YOUR ALTERS!” “THAT ALTER SPECIFICALLY HAS TO APOLOGIZE!”
Because yeah like OP said it’s not always that clean cut.
Everything else though, 10/10
TLDR; agree with OP but want to add mental illness isn’t an excuse to be a shitty person/ not try and reconcile for the hurt the body may have caused
Here’s some possibly harsher truths about systems/trauma survivors that people need to think about (like, I’m begging you guys, holy hell)!
System accountability is actually not the most important concern that it’s being made out to be. And, lack of system accountability is not a red flag or indicator of someone being a generally bad person (as parts or as a “whole”). I know this seems to be hard for a lot of people to grasp, but it’s true. A system is a system due to barriers and lack of cohesion between parts.
Not being able to control all your parts and do things such as fully grasp system accountability is much more normal than people here will have you believe. As is it having different meaning to different people.
Seriously, go learn about some DID/OSDD systems away from tumblr. Go spend some time with another really traumatized person in real life. Go read about systems who didn’t learn about themselves until later on in life. Anything that will help you understand how much more complicated it is.
There are people who don’t fully understand being “parts of a whole” and still view themselves as multiple/separate people. This also is not inherently bad, a red flag, a sign of not wanting to get better, etc. This is normal of a covert mental illness that is literally meant to hide things from you.
It’s very unrealistic to expect anyone to know and/or understand enough about their system to truly understand all their parts, why they behave the way they do, and how to handle it. Especially if you are young, newly discovered, have a very large system, have “more severe” trauma, etc.
It is very unrealistic to expect people with brains damaged by childhood trauma to be able to show up to some of the standards people try to enforce here. It is called a mental disability for a reason - your brain is literally disabled and incorrectly developed.
People showing their less palatable symptoms needs to be more accepted. I don’t care if it’s not pretty, or hard to see, it’s the fucking truth of being a trauma survivor. Trauma is not pretty, and neither is what comes out of it. It is ugly, chaotic, harsh, painful, etc. And being able to show and embrace that fact is not only okay, but honestly even healthy.
Sometimes it’s not only about healing and recovery. Sometimes it’s about the bad days, alters with negative thoughts and views, mistakes and flaws and accepting that you went through trauma and it did indeed fuck you up.
Stop trying to make fucking trauma survivors hide themselves and their flaws even in the one safe space they have.
yall are pro mental illness until they hallucinate
yall are pro mental illness until they dissociate
yall are pro mental illness until they self-isolate
yall are pro mental illness until they're paranoid
yall are pro mental illness until they split
yall are pro mental illness until it's too Scary for your comparatively neurotypical brain to handle
Holy Trinity of traumatized autism
Sometimes my trauma makes me feel like I’m just staring into a television playing static
It's amazing what people can say behind a screen. How much cowardice they can display. We see the worst (and sometimes best) in people when they have the ability to hide their identity.
I would like to answer this and be a passive-aggressive little shit. in other words, if you're going to be a dick to me, I'll return the favour... with more sass. I really wish I could block and report you, anon.
"You don't have DID" ...so, I don't have DID? Tell me, whoever you are, how you know more than a team of psychologists, hundreds of hours of research on dissociative experiences, therapy and exploring our symptom set we have been displaying since a child. How about you explain how our alters names have been dropped in and out of our books and drawings since we were a child. Tell me, how you can diagnose that having never spoken to us in real life nor messaged us?
"You're just another rich white girl who wants to be special" hm, hmm, I'm white… yes, that's correct. But if you're implying that I'm not in any marginalised communities… you… may want to check your privilege. We're queer, trans, disabled, neurodivergent and mentally ill… and 90% of our country's health system doesn't know what DID is, nor endomentriosis... I would love to say that I'm not marginalised in any capacity but alas, some people.... just have to remind me why that's wrong. I'm not in a position where I get racial slurs thrown at me down the street... but.... well, what did you just call me? hm? F*ggot? hmmmm...
I'm in a position of financial privilege in comparison to some people, yes. However, I'm unemployed due to my disability and living with my single mother... soooo... I wouldn't say 'rich'... and money has always been a source of anxiety for my family.
I know I have been open on here about my experiences with periods and menstruation, but having a period does not make a woman. Nor does having breasts. Nor does having a vagina. Many women don't get periods. Many people who were assigned female at birth don't get periods. If your argument for what makes a 'woman' is the ability to give birth to children or someone who menstruates, you need to stop and reconsider. If that is your argument... then anyone who has a hysterectomy, is on the pill or has the IUD is not a woman. People who were born and assigned male at birth have had periods. Some intersex people are born with the ability to have periods, but get assigned as male. It's not just women. It's never just been women.
Now, in terms of wanting to feel special… well, under no circumstance would I like to be “feeling special” because of a life altering trauma disorder. If I wanted something like that, I'd go dye my eyebrows neon orange or something.
// mentions of religious, sexual and emotional abuse in detail //
“You've never had a bad day in your life" hm.... interesting... fascinating even. Perhaps you'd like to be run over, drugged, raped, and impregnated by someone you called a friend... or maybe, if that doesn't suit your fancy... we could try putting you under a priest who rips your vagina open at the age of six because you "acted gay*" and he wanted to "teach you a lesson" (*comforted a friend who was crying by giving her a hug)... or maybe even we try... hmmmm.... having your grandmother try to drown you?
Never mind, that is just the tip of the iceberg... let's not talk about anything else that happened *picks nails*
no? you wouldn't like that? oh…. how about you shut the fuck up then 🥺💞
// end detail //
And yes, I will claim f*ggot. I'm queer as fuck. And if you want to try and insult me by saying that, I will smile and wave.
I'll admit, we still have some growing up to do, we're still learning this world, and I would like to think we'll be learning until the day we die.. but telling someone to grow up where you don't even know their age... well..... that might be hilarious if you're younger than we are. <333
You don't have DID, you're just another rich white girl who wants to be special. You've probably never even had a bad day in your life. You're attention seeking. Grow the fuck up, faggot.
Question, when did any of us say we were female?
And btw, you're Not our psychologist. You don't know our story. So kindly, shush.
If you're going to send hate mail, don't send it anonymously. <3
✨Welcome to 69 Constellations* in a Trenchcoat✨
*alters (our increasingly misnamed system blog, we don't have 69 alters.)
Welcome to CC's little corner of the internet. We go by Constellation, or the Consellation Collective. Formerly 69consellationsinatrenchcoat (lmao dumbass typo) & 69ottersinatrenchcoat
We have medically recognised dissociative identity disorder (DID), diagnosed PTSD, autism, ADHD, and a variety of chronic illnesses… we're a bit of a medical problem.
We tend to post a mix of things we enjoy and informative content.
A lot of our posts are posted from queue, so you may be speaking with a different alter than who is currently making posts and we aren't online all the time :)
.°˖✧ Posting ✧˖°.
Main topics: DID, OSDD & other CDDs, mental health, psychology, disability & neurodiversity
Side topics (aka a system's worth of interests, and this is no where near all of them): LGBTQ+, books, fanfic, heartstopper, zelda, minecraft... more here
#totally missing some things, but that's okay
.°˖✧ Meet the Team ✧˖°.
Amber they/she (🔥)
Kaden, they/he (🐚
Kyle, he/him (💜)
Lillia, she/her (🪻)
Wild, they/she/he (🗡️)
Eddie, they/he (🌻)
Ash, they/them (🌿)
Following some concerns around privacy, we have removed all alter intros, apologies.
Some of us don't post here and/or don't want info up. They may post at their leisure, but will usually sign off in the tags with "posted by [emoji]"
Poster lists will remain incomplete, and alters go by pseudonyms for privacy.
.°˖✧ System Info ✧˖°.
We go by Constellation and use they/them pronouns. We're bodily an adult, bi, polyam (though we just say queer), and as far as we're aware, an INFJ 1w2 125 overall.
We post in British English, usually fkgkjgfkjk. Pls, stop saying we're spelling things wrong just because we spell colour with a 'U'.
We're studying to become a psychologist… which… is fun when you have experience with a lot of the things they talk about lol
.°˖✧ Syscourse ✧˖°.
If discussing system origins, we prefer to have measured and respectful discussions, or to avoid it all together.
We recognise that experiences with multiplicity and plurality vary drastically, and that spiritual multiplicity exists and is recognised in the DSM-V-TR, as are DID and OSDD.
Multiplicity is a controversial topic within psychological communities and that there are varying opinions on the existence of non-trauma sourced multiples.
We avoid the 'fandom' attitude to DID as we believe that we should not be watering system experience to the belief that it's fun to have alters, as it invalidates negative experiences. However, there is joy in this disorder.
As with every community, certain things shared in multiplicity spaces are completely false, and we disagree with on a fundamental level. For example, system hopping does not exist (alters, created by one mind cannot magically appear in another's mind unless that system has split an introject [factive] based upon that alter), selling alters is wrong, impossible and immoral, etc
To have DID, individuals must reach certain diagnostic criteria, including showing amnesia between personality states. Some clinicians argue that for a diagnosis of DID to be valid, one must also reach diagnostic criteria for PSTD, meaning you can't have DID without traumatic experiences - however, that does not mean plurality doesn't exist outside DID.
We want to see some solid research into all plural experiences (including those who report non traumagenic origins) but unfortunately there aren't many people doing the research.
There's enough evidence to suggest that plural experiences do exist outside of trauma and that suggests that something is psychologically 'unusual' with those who report plurality outside of trauma.
Traumagenic plurality and various non-traumagenic plural experiences are two different things, however there is overlap. Creating separate language for traumagenic multiples, and endogenic multiples is something we believe may help to create clearer divisions within the communitie; limiting confusion between when a systems is speaking about traumagenic experience, or endogenic experience.
A vast majority of young teens who identify as endogenic or plural without trauma are misinterpreting experiences as a teen by placing labels on things that may perpetuate harmful beliefs. We don't wish to dismiss anyone's experiences by stating that teens cannot be systems (they absolutely can be), however, certain parts of the online system communities, especially system related discords, can be harmful to developing brains and developing personalities.
That being said, we are a diagnosed DID system, and the majority of our posting will be about our experiences with DID, and we will, mostly, interact with trauma based posting. :)
TLDR: our syscourse stance is complicated and each alter in our system has different opinions on it — but basically we believe that endogenic systems do experience multiplicity, just in a different way to disorders like DID, OSDD and P-DID.
Remember, your brain doesn't finish the majority of its development until you're in your mid-twenties!
°˖✧ Tagging system ✧˖°.
#Posted by [emoji/name]: posted by that alter
#CC original post: an original post by someone in the system
#CC original poetry: original poems by us
#CC favs: favourite posts
#constellation collective theming - SimplyPlural decoration resources and instructions
#CC important posts
this is all pretty self-explanatory
.°˖✧ Please don't follow if.. ✧˖°.
You are here with the intent to be homophobic, transphobic, queerphobic, sexist, etc. Please don't be an ass.
You are under the age of 16. This blog occasionally contains sexual content (no visuals), experiences and triggering content, and we want to keep you safe. We aren't entirely happy with minors interacting but, 17+ is fine.
Please do not interact with any of our content if you post screenshots to r/systemscringe. Yes, sometimes people do shit for attention, but mocking them publicly is not okay.
Our DMs are open :)
Silly Stuffs because it's fun :)
/// blinkie & flash warning ///
blinkies made using blinkies cafe
We made our pfp and banner...and made a DID flag!
We try our best to include alt/descriptive text on our posts, and where possible we will link any elements/images we've used (usually in alt text)<3
After about a year of having Simply Plural, I finally organised it beyond a few scattered categories
Role (with a toilet paper roll, bc why not), goes to this, which then breaks into alter lists.
Syskids breaks into age groups (I love the term syskids sm it's so cute... and i really hope it's not a endogen term)
Interests/hyperfixations breaks into multiple tags so we can see who shares interests.
Almost all alters are in at least two categories :)
"some sort of cryptid" is eternally going to make me grin a lot of our alters have non-human traits (it's a long standing way we process lol) but we don't know what to call them... cryptid it is 🤣
GOOD POST. LONG POST BUT GOOD POST.
This book- The Haunted Self is available online as a pdf if you know where to look :)
Why Alters Are All You, & The Formation Of DID
Tw for talk of abuse (implications to different types), trauma, unsafe caregivers, trauma responses, homophobia, and brief talk of death. We're talking about the formation of DID, childhood trauma, please be cautious if you continue.
Let's discuss what people say is the basics of Dissociative Identity Disorder, its formation. The current leading theory is the Theory of Structural Dissociation (ToSD). Yes, we still need to know more about this disorder, but this is the current leading theory and was written by Ellert R. Nijenhuis, Kathy Steele, and Onno Van Der Hart. They took some research, ideas, and words from other authors and researchers, added their research and ideas, mixed it all together and presented us with the ToSD in their book: The Haunted Self.
Now, there are plenty of problems with the theory, and I know that Hart and other researchers you see in this field haven't been the best people. However, it is currently the leading theory. Colin A Ross spoke about numerous problems with the theory, but he even states that this theory is a significant contribution. While yes, it isn't perfect, and any scientific theory can and should be constantly improved on, its pretty damn good. What I understood from reading Ross' response, the understanding it gives us of DID is good, the issue is when it addresses other disorders, or lack there of. I will state, before going onto my point of the post, that Ross mentions that there is confusion of what counts as an emotional part (EP). In the sense of, how differentiated does an EP need to be, to count as a separate dissociated state?
I don't want to go into that all today, because I'm not a professional and cannot confirm what would count, at least in Ross' eyes.
What I want to talk about, is what the ToSD does give us, and why it explains that all parts/alters are You.
Now, I know I will get a lot of hate for this. So all I'll say is that: I'm willing to discuss this matter further, however I will not tolerate any insults, threats, belittlement, or any other kinds of hate. If you are mature, I'm open to discussion.
The ToSD states that everyone is born with ego states. These states are in charge of meeting specific needs. A child needs love, affection, food, comfort, sleep, etc etc. If a child is able to dissociate to a high level, has a disorganised attachment to their primary caregiver (which is inherently traumatic), and experiences repeated childhood trauma, they can potentially develop DID.
If a child experiences trauma, their brain is going to do its absolute best to protect them. They may fight, flight, or freeze (especially if it is repeated). Maybe all three. That child may subconsciously think that if they were a different gender, or a different age, or maybe if they were stronger or scarier, they could prevent this from happening to them. Maybe they felt like they deserved this pain, that they're an awful monster, or just a toy or an animal to their abusers. Maybe they just refused to accept this was happening to them because if it did, they would be dead.
Their brain will do anything it can to try and prevent and explain this trauma.
They may try to seek help from caregivers, but remember, in the case of DID, that child will have some kind of disorganised attachment. That child will not feel safe enough to tell them about this trauma, or if they do, they aren't supported in the way they need to heal and process. Maybe their caregivers are the source of this trauma, they have already tried to tell them to stop.
Nothing is working, this child is essentially trapped.
So, like I said earlier, this child's subconscious is working on overdrive and trying its absolute best to survive this. Dissociation is a very complex and extraordinary coping mechanism.
So the child pushes away the trauma, dissociating so chronically they disconnect to everything happening, and themselves. This dissociation is keeping those different ego states separated, preventing from them integrating during childhood. Instead, this dissociation basically creates amnesiac barries between each ego state. If that dissociation wasn't there, those states would try to integrate, but because some experienced trauma, they cannot harmoniously coexist. This is the differentiation between ANP's and EP's. ANP's (apparently normal parts) are the parts that are in charge of daily living, they are disconnected from any trauma. EP's (emotional parts) are the parts that remember or are connected to different traumas. EP's dont have to be emotional, it simply is to refer to the parts that are connected to trauma.
Anyway, mini ramble aside. ANP's and EP's are separated from each other, they still are aiming to meet certain needs for the child/person now. That's why it is so helpful or common for systems to catagorise alters into roles. Some parts are simply trauma responses, some exist to make friendships and connections, some have very specific roles/needs they meet, some alters exist to soothe, or protect, or whatever. They are still dissociated parts, aiming to meet needs.
All alters are still dissociated from each other, and some may believe they are the only one there, or the "original" because they are an ANP or host. Again there is not an "original" because the full personality was never whole to begin with. You started with different ego states, and you still are different ego states (obviously alters have grown and developed (but still not fully)).
So with that being understood, lets address the title of this post. All alters are You. Thinking about everything I have addressed for far, all alters are dissociated from each other, so what do you mean there can be a "You"? Again, I'm not talking about an "original", I'm talking about all aspects of the Self that is being dissociated from.
I used to find this fact absolutely ridiculous and hurtful and dismissing. But after starting to learn more about this disorder, working on self validation, and starting on trauma processing, it has made it so much easier to understand.
I, Virgil, am a part of Clem and Skye. Clem and Skye are parts of me. And this is the same for all alters. We are all different ego states that are dissociated from each other, from the Self.
So, what happens if we all fuse? And no, I'm not saying that's the only way to heal, I'm just trying to put this in perspective. If we all fuse, we would be dissociating so much less, we would be fused ego states and we'd create a fully formed and developed personality. We are all parts, and if we fuse, we create a whole.
A whole that we are no longer dissociating from. We will be the whole Self, the whole "You". We will not be dissociating from each other.
I cannot express this enough, fusions happen when you no longer need alters to be separated, they can exist harmoniously, they share emotions and thoughts and feelings and they are not dissociated from each other. There is no memory amnesia, or identity amnesia between them.
Again to clarify, all alters are dissociated ego states that grow and develop, and then if you all fuse, that is when the Self is no longer dissociated from. You'll finally be a complete You.
Another thing I want to address is differing opinions of alters. Let's use another hypothetical. Let's say you have like five different alters that are all queer in some way, but you have five that are cisgender and straight. Two of those cishet alters are homophobic and transphobic. So, if you all fuse, what will you identify as? While I cannot say anything for certain, I can take a big guess and say that no matter what you identify as, you may not be homophobic/transphobic. In this hypothetical, I'm assuming those alters have those beliefs because of things they experienced growing up. Internalised homophobia and all that. As you process trauma and become more accepting of yourself, and you fuse, I would guess those parts are no longer dissociated from that queer identity, whatever that identity may be.
I hope this makes sense. While alters can and do grow outside of trauma, those foundations are shaped because of the experiences of the child. Age, gender, opinions, personality, species, and even sexuality, can all be based and rooted in that trauma and experiences.
Healing from that trauma means reconnecting with the Self, whatever that looks like for you. It may not be the singlet persona many systems use, it may not be the host, it may be something different than what you originally thought. But it will be You and it will be right. It will be the Self that you've finally reconnected with.
Anyway, I think I've rambled enough. TLDR: all alters are You, and if you fuse, you will reconnect with the Self that was originally being dissociated from.
small edit: it is okay if you aren’t ready to accept alters and trauma. but that doesn't change the fact that you're all dissociated parts ✌️
remembering when my then adult boyfriend told 16 year old me that my self harm was hot. no wonder i'm fucked
So fucking real
i don't want to heal i want them pay for what they did
and I would rip myself apart for you,
crack open my ribcage and let you
take whatever you wanted.
but you have been teaching me
that you do not need me to,
that I do not need me to.
Puella Magi Madoka Magica traumatized me🎀
OH MY GOD I JUST FOUND OUT THAT DURING THE DOCTOR'S RIOT BARON VON STEUBEN WAS BASHED ON THE FRICKING HEAD AND COLLAPSED OH MY GOD OH MY GOD MY SCRIMBLO SKRUNKLY OH MY GOD IS HE OKAY!?
(I told my dad this and he said "NO, he's not okay, he is literally dead")