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Here to Help - Spencer Reid

Part 2

Spencer x Reader

Summary: A case hit home for one of the BAU team but none of the others know why or how to help

Part 1

You had just gotten the case files together was were slowly making your way towards the conference room making sure you didn’t drop them. ‘I thought we were on paperwork today and not cases?’ Morgan’s voice floated through the open door as JJ entered before you. ‘We are but a case needed our attention’ Hotch told the team as JJ sat. ‘Alright’ The team looked at JJ and she just shrugged. ‘I don’t know anything about it, it didn’t come through me’ She explained and they all looked slightly confused.

At that you stepped into the room. ‘That’s because it came through me’ You announced and their heads turned to you. You leaned forwards landing the armful of files you had onto the wood. ‘I flagged a case when I started at the BAU’ You began separating files and passing them across to each of your team. ‘This morning I got a call about it’ You reached over to the center and grabbed the remote for the board. ‘Twenty two years ago a man names Joshua Penican started invading family homes and killing them’ You clicked the mouse and a police drawn portrait of the man came up. ‘This sketch is about twenty years old and the only thing we have to go on’ You walked around the table. 

You let your hand brush off Spencer’s shoulder as you went hoping the small gesture would help show him you were sorry, until you could talk to him properly after. ‘All together he’s killed over 24 families, for the first few years it was only one at a time’ You clicked again and the older crime scene photos came up. ‘Then he began killing in sprees of two or threes. His killing are so periodic no one knows when or where he will strike next’ You looked away from the photos a shudder going down your spine. ‘It’s never yearly but never any more than 4 years between sprees’ You began clicking again. ‘He always targets families with five people in it, a mother, killed by overdose’ You clicked and a photo of a woman in a chair came up. ‘Father, single gunshot to the head’ Again another click. ‘Two daughters’ Two more clicks and their photos came up. ‘And a boy’ Again you clicked but didn’t look at the screen. 

Rossi was flicking through the paper. ‘there was a survivor, a young girl about twenty years ago’ He looked up. You nodded. ‘Yes, that’s where the police got their sketch’ He nodded. ‘There’s a profile in here’ Morgan glanced up at you. ‘Has the BAU worked this case before?’ You shook your head clicking the remote and the screen went blank. ‘No, that profile is mine, a few years ago I heard about the murders of three more families and went down there’ JJ nodded. ‘I remember that, one day you just took off on holiday’ You shrugged. ‘I went to work the case unofficially and gave the cops this profile’ You told her.

Turning back to the screen you clicked on the new images. ‘About twenty minutes ago I got a phone call from a Detective Grenly saying he had struck again, a family of five had been found dead an hour earlier, same MO’ You clicked and the crime scene photos again came up. You flinched when the photo of the oldest girl came on the screen and turned away. And being in a room full of profilers one of them noticed, Spencer. ‘Only this time, the son, Jason Harvey fifteen, survived as the unsub was interrupted while trying to strangle him’ You crossed your arms. ‘I told the police we’d help’ The team nodded. ‘Wheels up in twenty’ Hotch said as he stood. The team nodded agreeing and the room began to clear.

You waited for them to go. ‘Spencer?’ You called just before he left the room and he turned. ‘I’m sorry about this morning’ He just crossed his arms. ‘That was the case file you had hidden in your desk wasn’t it?’ You nodded pulling out a chair and sitting. ‘Yeah, listen I am really sorry about snapping’ Spencer sighed slightly and walked back into the room uncrossing his arms. He sat taking the seat beside you. ‘I’ve never seen you react like that, and I’ve known you almost seven years’ You sighed and glanced at the lone case folder on the table, yours. ‘This case, it’s always been one I’ve known when we had a lead, I just-I wanted to get it to Hotch. I’ve tried for so long to catch this guy and I don’t know what came over me’ You closed your eyes with a long sigh

You opened the again when you felt a hand on yours. Spencer threaded his long fingers through yours and gave your hand a squeeze. ‘How did you find this case?’ He asked and you looked up at him. He was watching you tentatively leaning towards you. ‘I knew one of the families he killed’ You muttered. He nodded. ‘The oldest girl right? I seen you flinch at the photo, I’ve never seen you do that before’ You nodded. ‘Yeah, I knew her the best’ You shook your head. ‘Listen, I am sorry about earlier, I shouldn’t have snapped I re-’ You were cut off when Spencer let go of your hand.

He reached out and grabbed your shoulder pulling you up with him as he stood. Instantly he had you pressed against him and his arms wound around you. One of his hand held your head to his chest while the other pressed against the small of your back. You automatically just wrapped your arms around his torso clinging to him. You felt him lean down pressing his cheek to the top of your head. ‘We all have something that gets under our skin, it’s okay’ He hushed you and you couldn’t help but smile despite the circumstances.

The team was reading up on the files for the plane journey. ‘Each of these towns are small rural areas where the people all know each other, someone who out of the ordinary would have looked out of place’ Morgan observed as you walked back into the main part of the plane carrying two cups of coffee. ‘Which means he has to be part of the community’ Prentiss nodded. You slipped into your seat and laid one of the cups down in front of Spencer who was seated beside you.

He glanced up from his own folder at you a grateful smile on his face before picking it up taking a sip. ‘Actually’ You turned to the rest of the team. ‘While that’s true all of the towns are places you would pass through, maybe even spend a day or two, if you were on our way to some kind of tourist attraction’ You reached over to the computer and pulled up a map. ‘There’s a beautiful valley that has a natural hiking trail about a mile or two outside the town, which people stay for about two days to walk’ Your finger gestured to the and it’s a great place to stop over on your way to’ You scrolled over a little. ‘Here’ You tapped the screen.

You sat back taking a sip of your coffee. ‘Which means, while it is a close knit community where everyone knows everyone, if he passed himself off as a tourist-’ You shrugged. ‘-no one would question it’ Prentiss nodded. ‘So he could be posing as a tourist and picking his victims’ You shook your head. ‘Could b or hes travelling tourist routes until he finds a spot and settles for a while, his cooling off periods are long and when travelling the desired victims would be easy to come across’ You opened your files. ‘But, he knows their schedules, when their home, when they won’t be missed, and he has at least one more family targeted as well, which means twice the work’ You glanced up to see the team watching you.

But it wasn’t the normal way they would watch you when you were discussing a case. ‘You seem to know a lot about this case, and this town’ Rossi observed. ‘It’s only been an hour’ You closed over the file and leaned your arms on the table. ‘I know this unsub and I know what kind of towns he targets’ Your left hand began to rub the inside of your right forearm. ‘I-well-about four years ago I profiled the towns, like Spencer thought me and I called, or visited if it was the most likely, every police department in those town I could find that matched that description, it’s how they called me right way, I’d already told them to contact me if the case came up’ You bit your lip

It was silent on the plane. ‘I-I know it’s not something we’re supposed to do but I needed to’ JJ let out a long breath. ‘That must be thousands of towns’ She mused and you nodded. ‘Well, in one state alone, yeah. But, we’ve got this case early so it was worth it’ You reopened your files again glancing through them.

When you were focused on the file you failed to notice the look the team shared. The casual shrug Hotch gave them to tell them he didn’t know why this case, of all the cases you had worked was the one to touch a nerve. As far as they all knew everything had been normal with you, sure you had moved around a lot as a kid but that would hardly affect it, they had seen cases where that had been involved and you worked them like any other case.

Derek was the first to recover. ‘Well, there’s a survivor from an old case, the eldest daughter maybe one of us should talk to her, see if she can tell us anything’ Your head shot up just as Hotch was about to speak, undoubtedly to say it was a good idea. ‘No’ You rushed in and again their eyes fell on you, again surprised. ‘No, it’s been almost twenty years, the survivor has said all the needs to’ You concluded. ‘I think it’s a good idea’ Rossi weighed in. ‘No’ You shook your head. ‘No, it’s not’ Derek furrowed his eyes.

He leaned forwards looking at you. ‘Y/n, this girl might remember something that will help us’ He said softly. ‘She won’t Derek, we have all that we need, don’t go dragging this all back up for her, she’s moved on’ You told him firmly. ‘You interview her already?’ JJ asked and you shrugged. ‘Not exactly but I know’ Derek sighed and closed his file. ‘She cou-’ You slammed the folder in front of you shut causing most of the team to jump in surprise. ‘I said no Derek’ You growled. ‘Now leave it alone. You do not go near that girl you hear me?’ You looked around at all of them. ‘You leave her out of this, I said no and that’s final’ You stood quickly. ‘Excuse me’ You growled and stalked off to the other end of the plane to make yourself another cup of coffee, even though your own sat half full on the table.

When you were preoccupied you missed the worried look the team shared with each other, all apart from Spencer. He just kept his eyes on you, this case meant more to you than he originally thought. All the work you’d put into it, those calls, even travelling to these towns around the country, not wanting to contact a witness. You were good at your job, not one of the team could deny that, you always threw yourself in head first into a case and your main priority when working it was to solve it and catch the unsub. 

But you had never gotten emotionally invested, it was something you had told them you had learned when you began. You let your emotions get invested, not only could it potentially ruin the case but the case could scar you for life. You always kept a clear head and got the job done and done well. Until this case. And that worried the team. What made this case so different? What made it so important to you?

@sapphire1727

@xinhaleredveinsx

@lost-in-the-stories

@covarrubiasalex

Next part has ALOT of Spencer in it

Favorite -Spencer Reid Imagine

Spencer x Reader

Summary: All the team goes out for a night out and you and Spencer end up drunk at the end of the night.

Derek plated himself at the end of your desk as you were finishing your report. You glanced up at him. ‘What can I do for you?’ You asked cautiously. You didn’t like that look on Derek’s face, it was one that he wore when he was up to something, or when he wanted you to do the rest of his paperwork. ‘Me, Prentiss and Garcia are heading out tomorrow for drinks, you in? You have to, it’s Christmas’ You raised an eyebrow and nodded. ‘Sure’ He beamed. ‘Great, now go ask Reid’ He patted your shoulder and stood.

You blinked and furrowed your eyebrows. ‘What?’ He smiled and shrugged. ‘I asked him but he didn’t give me a real answer. But if you ask him’ Derek leaned over your desk and wiggled his eyebrows at you. ‘He’ll go for sure’ You rolled your eyes, tilting your head to the side giving him a bored face. ‘Come on, he’ll come if you ask Y/n’ Derek smiled widely at you.

He reached around you and spun your chair around so it faced the break room. He grunted and heaved the chair up tipping it forwards causing you to stumble out of the chair. You turned and shot him a glare. ‘Well then you can bring them to Hotch’ You waved your hand towards the file with a smug smile and turned when you heard him groan.

You leaned against the counter smiling up at Spencer. He jumped slightly and looked up at you. ‘Did I scare you Spencer?’ You smirked up at him and he sent you a soft glare before smiling himself. For ages you couldn’t seem to surprise the Doctor, he always seemed to know what you were going to say, what you were going to do. So you made it your mission to sneak up on him as often as you could, and he did the same to you. It became almost a game between the two of you.

He shook his head in defiance and you chuckled watching his smile grow when you did. ‘Morgan just told me they were planning on going out for a few drinks tomorrow, said he invited everyone. You coming?’ Spencer sighed slightly and looked up at you  taking a sip of his coffee. ‘Last time I went out with him and Garcia they tried to get me drunk’ You smirked. they had told you about that, they had failed.

You smiled as he leaned against the counter beside you his arm brushing off your shoulder. ‘I’ll be there this time’ He smiled. ‘You are not very good at holding your alcohol either’ You scoffed. ‘Yeah, because I choose to spend all my spare time watching 5 hour movies I barely understand with you’ He smiled taking another sip of his coffee. ‘Instead of building up my tolerance with those two’ He shrugged. ‘Okay, I’ll go if you do’ You beamed up at him and wrapped your arm around him in a quick hug. ‘I can’t wait, I’ll see you there then Spencer’ You giggled as you turned and bounced off as Spencer watched you his smile growing.

You pulled at the dress you were wearing. It wasn’t your normal one, it was black and short, and tight. something you never wore, especially around the team. You tossed your hair over your shoulder as you walked into the bar, something else you never did at work, wear your hair down. You spotted the rest of the team by the bar. Garcia beamed and waved at you and you raised your hand waving back.

Derek looked up following where he eyes were. His own eyes widened and he let out a low whistle causing you to blush and look down quickly. The rest of the team looked up with a smile. You waved at them as you got closer to the group.

Spencer turned and his eyes widened before they took in your entire outfit. ‘Damn girl’ Garcia giggled handing you a drink when you reached the group. ‘You look gooood’ You smiled and thanked her realising she was already a little intoxicated. ‘Yeah, your hair looks good that way, why do we never get to see it like that?’ Derek complained with a laugh. Spencer reached out and picked up a strand of your hair before dropping it again with a smile. ‘I do’ He looked back at Derek before taking a sip of his drink. Derek’s eyebrows shot up and he chuckled at Spencer’s behavior.

You giggled as the man in front of you reached out laying his hand on your lower arm. To say you were drunk was an understatement. By trying to save Spencer you had put yourself in the firing line, not like it had mattered, Spencer was still crazy drunk as he sat in the booth the team had occupied for the last few hours.

Rossi and Hotch were reminiscing about some old colleague they had. JJ and Emily were laughing about something Henry had done yesterday as she showed her photos. Derek and Garcia were chuckling at Spencer and the glares he was sending at the man who was standing so close to you. ‘I’m going over there’ Spencer announced and everyone at the table looked up at the flushed genius as he almost slammed his glass down on the table. Derek’s eyes widened and he reached out to grab him by the  arm pulling him back into the seat. ‘Woah there kid’ He chuckled shaking his head at the others.

They had all realised Spencer had been a lot more open about this attraction to you when he had started drinking. He had stuck to your side for most of the evening telling you how pretty you looked and that he liked your dress. They had watched as you had blushed and giggled at each of his compliments and watched him do the same as you complimented him. You had leaned into him and he had wrapped his arm around you twirling your hair between his fingers. You two had been stuck to each other all night.

Until about 10 minutes ago when you had went to get yourself a water and been approached by the tall man by the bar. Then Spencer had gone quiet his face flushing for a very different reason. The team had thought it was hilarious watching him glaring at the back of the strangers head as he sipped his drink angrily. Garcia had even said a few facts that were majorly wrong and Spencer had just agreed with her not taking his eyes off you.

Garcia smiled at Derek and laid her hand on Spencer’s arm. ‘Let her on, she needs a man in her life, she’s always alone’ It was the first time Spencer had pulled his eyes off you and it was to give Garcia a glare. ‘She’s not alone, she has me’ He snapped pulling himself away from them and stood. He straightened his jacket and began to make his way towards you stumbling a few times. Derek and Garcia glanced at the rest of the team. ‘Well, Spencer was the last person I expected to start a bar fight’ Prentiss laughed.

They watched on as Spencer stopped beside you. The conversation stopped and you both looked up at you. ‘You okay Spencer?’You asked as he glared at the man in front of you. He nodded not saying a word still. ‘Oh god’ Prentiss groaned. ‘Is he trying to be Derek or something?’ Derek furrowed his eyebrows and his head shot around to Prentiss. ‘I do not look like that’ He scoffed and Garcia patted his arm. ‘It’s okay, we love you anyway’ She smirked causing the others to laugh.

You reached out and put your hand on Spencer arm. ‘Spencer’ You snapped and he finally looked down at you and he smiled widely. He reached out wrapping his arm around you pulling you into him. The force he used caused you to stumble a little and you had to grab onto his jacket for support. ‘Careful there mate’ But all Spencer did was send him a quick glare in response. ‘Are you coming back over. It’s our night’ He told you pursing his lips. ‘Oh I didn’t realise you two were-eh-sorry’ Spencer nodded and turned bringing you with him before you could tell the handsome man otherwise.

You glared at Spencer as he brought you back over to the table. ‘What was that about? He was nice’ You growled at the genius as you both stumbled a little. ‘You’re drunk he wasn’t’ He said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. ‘Well people do get drunk to go home with people’ You told him and his head snapped around to look at you. He shook his head and sat into the booth. ‘Derek, tell her she can’t go home with him’ Derek’s eyes widened and he held up his hands not wanting to get into your argument. ‘You’re an asshole Spencer Reid’ You grumbled as you punched his arm softly slipping into the booth beside him with a glare as the others tried to stiffle their laughs, even Hotch.

Morgan chuckled as he drove you home being the only one who had only had one drink that night. ‘Well, that fight lasted a while’ JJ chuckled from the front seat looking back at you and Spencer cuddled up in the back seat. You had your head laying on his chest as he had his arms wrapped around you. He had reached down and grabbed your legs pulling them across hi lap to make you more comfortable before laying his head on yours and closing his eyes. ‘All of ten minutes and then they were all over each other again’ Garcia giggled from the back seat happy her plan to get you and Spencer drunk had worked.

Derek chuckled as he pulled up to Spencer’s building. He smiled turning looking at the two of you. ‘About time too, I was starting to think we were wrong’ He grumbled as Spencer tightened his grip on you. ‘About them? No way’ JJ chuckled and Derek smiled climbing out of the car. He opened the back door and shook Spencer slightly. ‘Hey kid’ He whispered as Spencer opened his eyes. ‘C’mon, you’re home’ He helped Spencer out of the car as you groaned at the loss of your cuddle buddy looking up at him with a pout.

Spencer looked back into the car at you and smiled. ‘Coming?’ You beamed and began to unbuckle yourself from the car. ‘Hey, no, parties over guys. We’re all going home’ Morgan tried to stop you from getting out of the car. ‘Y/n’s staying here’ Spencer told him as you tried to climb out of the car. ‘What? No’ Derek shook his head as you fell out onto Spencer. He stumbled back and Derek had to steady you both.

Spencer made sure you were okay before looking up at Derek. ‘Why not?’ Spencer looked insulted. ‘She always stays’ You nodded in agreement with him and he turned leading you towards the building. The others shared a confused look between them, this was new information to them. JJ and Garcia rushed to get out of the car and follow you guys as Derek closed the door and began running after you catching the door to the building.

Derek opened Spencer’s door seeing as neither of you could get the key in. ‘Y/n, you can’t go home in that tomorrow’ JJ fussed, ever the Mom. ‘I have clothes here, I’ll wear them’ You waved her off stumbling into Spencer’s apartment and quickly taking off your shoes. ‘Sweet relief’ You giggled and dashed down the hallway turning into Spencer’s room and falling on the bed. ‘You’re bed is so much nicer than mine’ You stretched as Spencer walked into the room taking off his shoes and jacket just dropping them on the floor and walking towards his closet.

You rolled over ignoring the rest of the team that stood at the door, actually you kind of forgot about them as Spencer pulled his shirt off grabbing his pajama top and pulling it on over his head. ‘Speeencer’ You sang and he grabbed another throwing it at you only to miss widely causing you to whine. You sat up and crawled to the end of the bed to grab it before reaching around to the back of your dress.

After a moment you just flopped down with a pout. JJ looked at the other two, sober, agents to see their face’s were similar to theirs. A mix of shock and confusion as they watched the scene in front of them. ‘Do you need help?’ Spencer asked you walking over to the bed. ‘Uhm?’ Garcia stepped into the room trying to get your attention but failed. Your face lit up and you turned around pulling your hair to the side as he grabbed the zip on the back of your dress and pulled it down. He allowed his fingers to trail down your back causing you to shiver slightly. ‘Uh-guys-I don’t think this is something we want to see’ Garcia’s eyes widened and she looked away.

You looked up at Spencer. ‘You’re the best’ He smiled down at you and wrapped his arms around you snuggling into your back. ‘Spencer’ You giggled. ‘I need to change’ You reached out to grab the large top and pulled it over your head allowing it to cover Spencer too with a giggle as he groaned and tried to get out from under it. The team at the door felt like they were intruding on something but it was so intriguing to watch the two of you interact without the constraints of work or the care of being watched that they just stayed watching as the two of you goofed around giggling.

It was when you began to wiggle out of the dress that Derek cleared his throat loudly enough that the two of you to look towards the door. ‘Are you staying too?’ You asked them before looking at Spencer. ‘I didn’t know you were still here’ He concluded and you kicked the dress onto the floor. Garcia giggled at you. ‘What? Spencer’s shirts are long’ You smiled as you picked at the end of it which almost went down to your knees when you were standing.

You smiled lazily up at them. ‘I’m going to go get some water’ You began to climb off the bed and JJ shook her head. ‘I’ll grab it, do you have any painkillers Spencer?’ Spencer furrowed his eyebrows thinking. ‘Top drawer on the left’ You told her and she nodded slowly wondering how much you had been over to know exactly where Spencer’s things were.

Derek and Garcia followed her down the hallway a little. ‘Should we leave them both here on their own?’ Derek asked JJ. ‘They’re both pretty drunk’ He reasoned. ‘Maybe we shouldn’t have given them those last few shots’ Garcia looked between the two of them.

Back in the room Spencer was wiggling out of his trousers. ‘Spence’ You smiled at him and he rolled his eyes. He reached into his drawer and picked out a grey pair of boxers before holding them out to you. You leaned forwards pressing a kiss to his cheek before taking it from him. You reached behind you unclasping your bra and tossed it onto the floor before doing the same with your underwear dropping it with the rest of your clothes. You stood swaying slightly before pulling on the pair of boxers Spencer gave you.

He smiled watching you and climbed onto the bed. ‘I like you in my clothes’ He mumbled watching you. You turned looking down at him your eyes meeting his dark ones. ‘I like wearing your clothes’ You smiled before falling back onto the bed beside him. He opened his arms and you wiggled closer to him and he dropped his arm over your body the other holding your head to his chest. ‘I don’t like other men with you’ He mumbled his eyes closing.

You looked up at him the heat off his body making you sleepy again. ‘You don’t?’ He shook his head a little. You strained to plant a kiss on his chin and you watched a lazy smile spread across his lips. ‘Well, I like you more than them’ You closed your eyes snuggling into his chest. ‘Really?’ You nodded at his question. ‘Even Morgan?’ He muttered knowing how well the two of you got on, you two were very alike when it came to fieldwork and you had bonded over it, something Spencer had never understood.

Morgan had even let you kick in a few doors during cases. ‘You’re my favourite Spencer, always will be’ You mumbled and you heard him hum contently. ‘You’re my favourite’ You barely heard it but when you did you opened an eye to see his face was calm and truthful.

That gave you the strength to strain a little more and your lips met his for a quick second. His eyes shot open as he tilted his head to look down at you properly. ‘Really?’ You muttered. He smiled and leaned down pressing a quick kiss to your lips too. ‘Really’ His head dropped back down onto the pillow and your back onto his chest as you both lay with small content smiles on your faces.

Both of you thinking that you were thankful that Morgan had decided on the night out, with so much alcohol, before you drifted to sleep in each others arms.

And that’s how JJ found you both when she came back with the water and asprin. Cuddled up asleep. The smile on her face caught the others attention and Derek chuckled. ‘How often do you think they do this?’ He smiled noticing you wearing Reid’s boxers. ‘I don’t need to be a profiler to tell you a lot’ Garcia smiled. ‘Prentiss needs to see this’ Derek whipped out his phone snapping a quick photo before sending it onto his co-worker. ‘We’ll lock the door on the way out’ JJ whispered as she ushered a gushing Garcia out of the room and a smug Derek knowing he was partially the cause for this.

They locked the door on their way out. ‘I have been wanting them together for so long and I can’t believe they’ve been like that this whole time’ Garcia squealed. ‘They are definitely a cute pair’ JJ nodded with a smile as the other woman linked their arms. ‘I just can’t wait to let them know we know’ Derek laughed earning a slap from the women and a scolding look. ‘Oh, wait’ Garcia gasped. ‘Maybe then they’ll be like that around the office’ And JJ smiled wider. ‘They’ll be my favourite work couple’ She squealed and Derek laughed wrapping his arm around her shoulders with a smile as they left the two of you to spend the night together, something you were both very happy to do.

And something you both did a lot more often in the future, no matter how much the team teased you both about it

I did NOOOT realise this was going to be this long.......It’s been in my head for a few days now and I just NEEDED to get it out. Sorry if it’s bad I just HAD to get it out of my head and onto something.

@lost-in-the-stories​ @lilacs-lavender​

Prompt List

Derived from @a-cure-for-writers-block, their blog is a life saver.

1. “You look like you’re going to punch me.”

2. “Do you think things would be different?”

3. “You’re bleeding.”

4. “Can we start over?”

5. “This isn’t a conversation we should be having.”

6. “Don’t act like this doesn’t hurt you.”

8. “How many times has it come to this?”

9. “Your attitude in this situation is extremely inappropriate.”

10. “Are you going to leave me?”

11. “How are you doing?”

12. “Don’t kiss me.”

13. “I miss you.”

14. “You look like you’ve been through hell and back.”

15. “We should get you home.”

16. “You should think things through before you say them aloud.”

17. “You could’ve just told me.”

18. “Stop being seductive.”

19. “I would honestly rather do anything other than that again.”

20. “You need to stop yelling at inanimate objects.”

21. “You look like you’re going to cry.”

22. “Just calm down, everythings going to be fine.”

23. “I think you're going to end up getting hurt.”

24. “I’m just tired.”

25. “This isn’t something urgent, but please know that I love you and always will, okay?”

26. “This will be the last time you lie to me.”

27. “You know it’s not like that.”

28. “How could you think this wouldn’t hurt me?”

29. “Don’t underestimate me, I’m more powerful than you remember”

30. “Don’t pretend like you’re not happy to see me like this.”

31. “Your mind must be a horrible place.”

32. “How is it that we always end up in this predicament?”

33. “Hand me the gun and I’ll kill him myself.”

35. “I shouldn’t care for your life, but I’m starting to and it’s becoming an inconvenience.”

__________

I write for BTS, Avengers and Criminal Minds, although I haven't finished Criminal Minds yet please understand if I cant write for certain characters I haven't met yet, I'm on season 4!

As you can tell this is a fluff/angst list (mostly angst who am I kidding) but I'll be posting another prompt list soon.

Happy days xx

Hey y’all! I need some people and ideas to write about! Please send in requests! On my page is a link to my masterlist and all the people I’ll write about. But if there is someone you want that’s not in the list let me know and I’ll see if I can do it! Please please please send requests! Thank you!!🥰🥰

she| aaron hotchner

word count: 1618 words

warnings: i hurt my own feelings

"she lives in daydreams with me.  she's the first one that i see and i don't know why..."

brown. 

every little detail about her was brown. 

her eyes. 

her hair. 

her skin.

everything.

until he had met her, the color brown was nothing more than the color of tree bark. 

wood.

dirt.

coffee grounds that he brewed at work. it was a muted color to him. 

nothing that really stood out to him about it. nothing special. 

until she came into his life. 

he couldn't figure out what about her made him want to talk to her and crave to be around her.

not until much later. at first glance she was nothing but ordinary.

just another girl who worked at his work place.

she was several years younger than him, and half his height.

the only thing that intrigued him about her at first was that she was the sweetest girl he had ever met.

she wasn't shy, she wasn't ever rude. not even from her first interview or her first day. 

she wore one of the biggest and most genuine smiles he had ever seen in his life. 

it didn't matter what she was doing. 

she was doing it with a soft smile. or with her teeth on full display.

that was another thing.

she was one of the few people that wasn't intimidated by his stern face.

or his tall frame.

she approached him and talked to him as if they had been friends for many years. he was surprised by how she easily made him feel comfortable. 

how he laughed around her.

the thing is- she had no clue as to what she was doing to him.

she broke down his the layers and layers of walls he had built around his heart. 

and he happily let her in. 

without even meaning to. 

they spent all of their shifts talking. 

making inside jokes. sharing cheesy grins at one another. 

for a year- up until he left.

one month.

in that one month everything changed. 

he was offered an internship in another state that he couldn't turn down. after the internship was done, he would come back to his every day job. he had promised himself he would take her out once he came back.

and he did.

he waited.

and longed for the day he could be in her presence again.

trying to convince himself he just wanted to see his friend and nothing more, that it was just because they were close friends. 

nothing more. 

no, he doesn't let people into his life like that. 

not that easily. 

'she is just another girl'

he told himself this every day up until he came back. 

"she's the first one i see"

there she was. 

laughing with her head thrown back in pure joy.

two things stood out to him at that moment. 

one.

her smile. her smile lit up the entire room. 

and secondly-

he stopped.

the young boy attached to her side. 

the boy who was the reasoning behind her laughing that hard. 

he wasn't sure why his heart skipped as it did, but he knew it had something to do with the lingering hand she had placed on the other guys arm.

why him?

he wasn't anything special. what did he have that i don't?

as the days passed, she paid no mind to him. at least not intentionally. her eyes remaining on the brunette with a smile as wide as hers. 

why...

why him?

he just wanted her to look at him that way. she was supposed to look up at him with her dazzling smile and her love stricken eyes like that. not him.

"she's the first one that i see."

several years had passed. years where all he could do was pretend. force smiles and force laughter as he watched her grow into an adult, with that boy at her side.

spencer.

that's all he was.

nothing more. nothing less.

just an idiotic boy. a boy who happened to make a move before he did.

everything he looked at- walked past, it reminded him of her. 

the smell of honey.

cinnamon.

vanilla.

coconut.

 just the definition of comfort.

that's what she smelled like. no matter what time of day.

he knew all of her favorite things. 

her obsession with anything that sparkled. 

the color purple. 

the white converse she wore til she physically couldn't anymore. 

snacking after eating.

her favorite singer. 

books. 

pens that made her font look just right. 

colors after colors.

he knew it all.

every.

damn.

thing.

he knew her inside and out.

he knew that she didn't like the sun because it caused her to get really bad migraines. 

she loved the rain. 

she loved to spend her mornings at work- writing, because she knew that if she wrote at home she would get distracted by everything else. 

whenever she's sad, she forces a smile but her eyes never leave the floor and when they do- they never make eye contact with him.

because she know if she does.

he'll know right away that something is wrong.

she's the first one that he thinks of when people ask him why he still hasn't gotten with anyone.

every girl eyes him like eye candy.

but he pays no mind.

they want him for his body. nothing more.

but not her.

her. 

her. 

her.

he wants her.

not the girl next door.

not the girl who tried getting with him while he was away. 

but her. 

he wants her dark brown hair coating his pillow as they lay there and talk. 

he wants to listen to her speak day and night about what her plans for the future are.

he wants to see her in his hoodies.

his clothes.

he wants to hear her giggle into his chest as he covers her in kisses.

he wants to steal the glasses that cover most of her face and stare into her eyes all night long.

trace every freckle.

every birthmark.

every scar to ever cover her body. 

'you don't have to be scared you're not enough'

her words echoed in his head over all the other thoughts swarming in there. it overpowered the negativity.

the endless questions.

she answered every single one of them.

'try to quiet the noises in your head,'

she always calmed down his hyperactive mind.

she knew that when he went silent he was overthinking every word he had spoken that day, being quick to jump in and reign him back in.

'what if it was us'

he didn't mean to let that slip.

it felt like hours had passed.

another minute.

and another-

'i tried..' 

he froze.

'but then you told me about how you chose someone else, about her...'

the hurt in her voice was evident. 

he didn't mean to hurt her. 

no. 

he would never. 

not her.

'i never meant to hurt you-'

'you need to open your eyes.

you need to see past the surface.

your anger hasn't let you move on.

he and i have not been together for a long time.

but due to your stubborn self, you chose not to notice...i've been in love with you since that first christmas we spent together.

and you had somehow managed to buy every single thing i had touched while shopping the day before-

i stopped chasing you because you stopped trying.

you gave me the cold shoulder.

you pushed me away.

you never saw how i always came to you first.

always you.

whenever i was in pain.

whenever i was sad.

you saw me at every point.

at my happiest.

at my saddest. 

and

you

did

nothing'

and then it clicked.

memories of her flashed in front of his eyes as if he was watching his whole life on repeat.

her lingering eyes on him. 

her laughter at every joke he made.

her smile.

the twinkle in her eye- the one reserved specifically for him.

she would turn her full focus on him whenever they spoke, something she found hard to do with how antsy she got. 

keeping her feet moving, shifting her weight every two seconds. 

signing with her hands whenever she got nervous or anxious.

but she always stayed steady around him.

like he was the one calming her down.

not the other way around.

her hands cupping his whenever his hands trembled from his anxiety. 

being quick to respond to his messages late at night.

'of course, honey'

'hon, please take a deep breath for me'

'of course i do, you're like one of the most important people in my life'

it was like he was seeing her in a new light.

she was his everything.

and he was hers...

he was the reason why they weren't together.

he remembered hearing about how her boyfriend never treated her right.

about how they were always fighting.

he had never felt more stupid.

he did this. 

he was supposed to sweep her off her feet. 

he was supposed to be the person to keep her safe, and keep that beautiful smile on her face.

she looked nothing like how he last remembered seeing her.

it was as if a filter was removed from his eyes. 

her eyes looked dull. 

her hair was tousled from overworking herself at work, not taking proper care of herself. 

her smile- gone. 

'i have loved you since i was 22- i stopped loving you the second you failed to see how your actions affect those who love you' 

he remembers texting her late at night, after spending his night drinking in his sorrow.

she spent countless nights staying up until the crack of dawn trying to reassure the crying boy.

spending his free time at the gym to avoid any sort communication. 

overworking himself to distract himself from the pain.

he took away his one source of happiness, because he had convinced himself that she would never want him.

he got rid of her.

not the other way around...

why?

why her?

intoxicating p.2 | s.r

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

word count: 4.3k

warnings: smut, cussing, jealousy?, nothing too crazy guys. but i can definitely make some kinkier stuff if you’d like *muah*

mdni por favor

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part 1 here / aaron version here

A small part of you couldn't believe it had worked. Chewing on the bottom of your lip, your body not halting its movements as the song continued on playing. You swore on everything that you could hear your heartbeat pounding, as you made eye contact with the guy who had clouded a good chunk of your mind all night.

The smallest chuckle left Derek's lips, as he pressed a longer than necessary kiss on your cheek. Detangling from your body, clapping the brunette's shoulder as he took his current spot. The nervous man wrapped his arms around you like he was scared you would regret it as soon as it came, your hands running up his chest and to the back of his neck a small smile on your lips.

"I didn't expect you to come over. I thought you didn't like dancing," You whispered against the cusp of his ear, his grip on you tightening his mind getting lost in the sensation of your sweaty body against his. He seemed at a loss for words her giggling against his neck driving him insane. Before he could utter any words the girl pressed a soft kiss against his neck instant goosebumps appearing on the visible skin she could see. "Morgan and I had just barely started-"

"I couldn't watch the either of you anymore," Spencer mumbled against you, your small kiss still sending waves of shock throughout his overwhelmed body. "I-I couldn't bear the thought of another man being as close to you as he was... my mind just kept telling me that it should have been me."

Your heart fluttered at his words, tightening your hold around his neck pulling him closer. "You could have just asked,"

Fuck. Every ounce of your body was trying to stop itself from pouncing on the glossy eyed agent.

His eyes were blown wide open, his hands trying to memorize every inch of your body. His touch leaving a trail of chills, your lips parted open. The strobes of light flickering across your face lighting your face up in a delicious manner, not wanting to blink and break eye contact.

The alcohol was doing all of the work now, leaning to press an open mouthed kiss on his neck. Spencer hissed at the sensation, his head thrown back as he allowed your mouth to decorate his neck in your sparkly gloss. Your sober self was screaming at you to get it together, your fellow co-workers most definitely watching as you made a mess out of the younger boy.

"Please. I need to kiss you."

Before you could react, Spencer had cupped your face in his much larger hands and crashed his lips into yours.

For a split second, you had thought the music had been turned off.The ringing in your ears should have concerned you but you paid no mind.

The sensation of Spencer's lips on yours all your mind could focus on.

Your hands quickly found his hair, entwining your fingers into his chestnut locks. Spencer's hips instinctively found yours, grinding against you out of force of habit. A groan leaving both of your lips. A small part of you hadn't known Spencer would be this intense of a kisser but he poured every ounce of his being into this kiss. Like he was speaking with his actions. His mouth moved against yours like he was being starved from your touch, allowing your tongue to part his mouth as he moaned against your lips. His chest was growing heavy from the lack of air, but he didn't care.

His body just wanted more. More of you. And damn, he couldn't get enough.

"Spence," mumbling against his now swollen lips, trying to pull away so you could breath. But the brunette had already moved his kisses down to your neck, soft moans leaving your lips. The sensation of someone burning a whole onto your head made your eyes flicker up to where you knew you would find the harsh gaze of Aaron Hotchner.

What a sinful sight.

Your glazed eyes making eye contact with him as the brunette coated every inch of your body he could see with his lips.

Straight out of a nightmare.

Knowing the girl he was pinning after was being pinned against a wall by his friend.

Hotch felt like every inch of his body was on fire. And not in the way you had made him feel only moments prior. He needed to leave and take the coldest shower of his life, hoping it would erase the memory of your lips interlocked with the spewing fun fact machine.

The same lips that he was close to kissing.

The same lips that were flirting with him only moments before.

And now-

Spencer had your body in a way only Hotch could imagine of having you. Every part of your body was so responsive, leaning into his touch to show him he was doing everything right. A small part of him wanted to walk over there and yank you away from his touch. He wanted to crash his lips into yours, and show the younger man exactly how to touch you. He wanted to slam you against a nearby table, and mark your body to let everyone else know that you were his.

Only his.

Not Spencers.

Not Morgans.

His.

Almost as if someone else had a hold of his body, heavy thuds ringing in his ears as he found himself making his way over to her. Your frantic hands tapped on Spencer's shoulders, his actions not faltering. His brain having turned off relying on his instincts.

"Spence- Hotch is- fuck- he's coming over."

The mention of Hotchs name made something click in his brain. Popping his lips off of your neck, proceeding to move to your abused lips. His mouth slamming against yours a small gasp leaving your mouth, using this chance to allow his tongue to enter your sweet mouth.

Jesus christ. Who the hell was this guy?

His tongue left not a single inch of your mouth untouched. His moans sounding like heaven in your mouth, not wanting to stop the boy in your hazy state. Your panties stood no chance against him. Knowing they were behind soaked at this point, clenching your legs together to create some type of friction.

"Mn- spence- stop. Please,"

"Please what sweet girl..." A moan left your moan at the sinful way he moaned your nickname, trying to push the brunette off your limbs not cooperating with what you were trying to convey.

"I think she said stop, Reid." A small shudder ran down your spine at the cold tone of the taller man. Spencer just about snapped back into reality, realizing he was doing all of these activities in front of his boss. The bespectacled boy turned around less confident than he was when he was destroying your neck, his hold on you faltering.

"Hotch, it's okay. I just needed a breath-"

"You should know when to stop, Spencer. No matter what. You of all people should know this." His curt words were slicing through the sexual tension, leaving you standing there like two kids being scolded by their parents.

Spencer ran his hand through his tousled curls, chest rising up and down as he tried to catch his breath. Your now empty hands fiddled with the metal hanging around your neck nervously, clearing your throat awkwardly.

"I think this is a good time to call it a night," Your words landed on deaf ears, seeming that was the plan before Hotch had made his way over to you. "I'll go find Pen and Morgan."

Leaving Hotch and Spencer didn't seem like a smart idea at the time, but you just wanted to get out from in between them. Shaking your head at your antics, finding Penelope pretty quickly her giggly form told you she was pretty gone.

"Morgan, I think Hotch and I are ready to go. Are you guys ready?"

"Yeah, let me go get pretty boy. He asked if we could take him home as well." Your heart dropped even further into your stomach, hands fiddling with one another at the thought of being stuck with them again.

You brought this on yourself.

You did this to yourself.

Fuck me and these stupid ass men.

Your drunken state made the trip between the bar and into the car a haze, the only thing you knew was that you were sandwiched in between the hottest people you have ever seen in your life. Holding your hands around your body, in fear of them going and doing something stupid again.

Hotch's intense stare was focused on the road ahead, his knuckles a stark white. He was clutching his jeans in a tight grip, trying to hide his frustration from the soft girl beside him.

What did Spencer have that he didn't?

Was is that he was young and cute?

Was it all of his fun facts that kept her wrapped around his finger?

Maybe she thinks I'm too old for her.

His subconscious was feeding him every possible scenario, believing them over and over. Before he could dig a deeper hole for himself, the sound of car doors opening snapped him out of his trance. His eyes fixating on your house, not having realized they had already arrived.

Spencer held the door open for you, his hand extended to you as you thanked him softly.

"Want me to walk you to your door?"

Yes please.

Before you could argue back, your body had already accepted his offer slipping your arm through his. Turning around to face the car, biding everyone a farewell your eyes hesitating over Hotch's. Not being able to ignore the unrecognizable emotion written all over his face.

"Morgan, you can go ahead without me. He can just spend the night here. What's the worst that could happen?"

The sound of Morgan laughing at his choice of words made the vein on the side of Hotch's forehead throb, trying to ignore the suggestive tone in Morgan's response.

"Don't have too much fun with him, sweet girl. I want him at work on time and in one piece."

A small giggle left your lips, saluting the chauffeur as Spencer led you away. The soft chirps from the crickets were all that you could hear, the cold air feeling nice on your sweaty frame.

"I hope you're okay with me spending the night- I know we've slept in the same room together before, but if it's too much I'll just sober up for a bit and head on home. Should take me about an hour and 37 minutes to be fully sober-" Spencer rambled grabbing a hold of your keys, expertly opening your front door as he held it open for you. Your scent slapped him right in his face as he made his way inside, locking the door behind him flicking the lights on.

Your house screamed you.

All of your little knick knacks around the house, the way you decorated your house just made sense.

It was like he could see your exact thought process on where you had placed your furniture, the decorations.

The colors you picked all worked well with each other.

Whoever walked in and saw your place would be able to know what kind of person you were.

Spencer had only seen your house from the entrance of your front door, but seeing it in all of its intimate details made him feel a little warm.

A smile making its way onto his lips as he locked eyes on a picture of you and the BAU team. Everyone in the picture was smiling straight at the camera; except for you. Your head was thrown back a laugh frozen in your expression, your fingers on Spencer's bicep whose arm was resting happily beside you. He could see the fondness in his eyes, noting the way everyone just moved into you. Spencer remembers this day in a fonder memory than he does every other day- he was able to have a special part of you that no one else could touch.

˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ *˚

"Did you know that Texas' state flower is the bluebonnet?"

"I always thought they were more of a weed." Morgan questioned, tucking his sunglasses into the neck of his shirt. You smacked his arm at his comment.

The team was currently on a case in Texas. More specifically, on the side of a highway in Texas. The sound of people speeding by made you a little nervous, but you felt safe surrounded by all of your fellow co-workers. That and the fact that the sun was your biggest enemy at the moment. You had lived in Texas for the longest before pursuing the F.B.I., the agonizing sun reminding you of one of the worst and best things about Texas.

Currently sporting your not work appropriate tank top and some bootcut jeans to match your matching cowboy boots. It was hotter than a mother, no one would say anything about the dress code as long as you were still able to move.

You figured what better time to bring out your pride and joy than now.

Elle hadn't stopped growling at you the second she had seen your outfit, whispering sweet nothings to you in spanish. 

Making you wonder why you hadn't pursued Elle any sooner.

"That's rude." Crouching down by the blooming field of blue, touching the petals lightly. "They're a gorgeous flower. Their color is so vibrant! The petals look like the bonnets women used to wear on their heads- look!"

"I think you've been hanging around pretty boy too much, sweet girl."

"If I was, I would have been able to tell you that bluebonnets are a part of the pea family and of the-"

"- North American lupinus genus." Spencer finished for you, a wide smile coating his features dimples poking out. His cheeks a bright red, wiping the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand.

The brunette was dressed in semi different attire, a pair of black sunglasses hanging off the tip of his nose. He rid of his usual cardigan leaving him in just his baby blue button up, the top button undone leaving his glistening collarbone exposed. You had barely been able to concentrate when he looked that good. Licking your lips slyly as you eyed the taller man from your position on the grass.

Morgan rolled his eyes at the boys words. His hand reaching down to grab your hand lifting you from your dazed state, a giggle left your lips as he about hoisted you off the ground.

"Thank you, handsome." Teasing the dark haired man who just smirked at your flirting, wrapping an arm around your waist. Immediately regretting the decision as the heat between the two of you became unbearable pretty fast. Before you could split, you felt a someone jump on your back their arms wrapping around your neck . Turning to face JJ who was giggling at her current position atop your back.

"JJ, what in the-"

"Hey! No group hug without me!" Penelope shouted, running towards you a huge grin etched on her face. A bubble of laughter tumbled out of your lips, her shorter frame placing itself directly next to Morgan's who happily wrapped her up as well. Elle had somehow snuck in as well, her body lying horizontally on the plush grass. She fanned herself with a manila folder, her hair blowing in the small gusts of wind.

"Come here, pretty boy."

"Oh no, I'm perfectly okay not being surrounded by sweaty bodies-"

"Spence! Get your big ass over here," At the sound of your sweet voice hitting his eardrums he trekked over to you. Derek had moved over so he could be in the middle, alongside the girls giggling frame as she held onto JJ tightly. Spencer gently rested his arm against yours, not wanting to invade your personal space but you had other plans. Happily resting your unoccupied hand on his bicep, squeezing him happily a huge grin on your face.

"Everyone smile for the camera." The sound of Gideons voice made everyone get in position, their sweaty faces looking at the older man who bore amused expressions on his face. Your hand never once faltered on Spencer's arm.

He knew it was medically impossible; but his heart felt like it was going at light speed. Trying to regulate his breathing as he grinned at the camera.

"Sweets. What do you a call a small pepper in late autumn?"

The most genuine laugh that could ever come out of you bubbled out, throwing your head back at Gideons question. The rest of the group eyed you with a bewildered look on their faces, except for a pair of hazel eyes. Spencer bore the most awed and adoring gazes he could ever bare, as they saw her wipe the tears from the corner of her eyes. 

"A little chili!"

˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ *˚

Spencer chuckled at the memory, setting the picture frame back down.

"Of course not. I- I was kind of hoping you would want to anyway," The blood rushed to your face fiddling with the back of the couch behind you, facing the taller man with a smile on your lips. "I can't guarantee that I will be able to do a whole lot of talking tonight."

"Whys that, sweet girl?"

The name slid off of his tongue deliciously, clenching your thighs together as you fumbled to find the words. You felt the air shift almost instantly, eyeing his frame his hands tucked into the front of his slacks.

"I think- I um- my brain would be able to form coherent sentences when I'm not as intoxicated as I am right now. I'm not drunk- by any means. But I definitely wouldn't trust the words leaving my mouth. They would just be screaming at you to just shut up and kiss me-"

Spencer took your words literally his body moving before he could process it. Slamming his lips against yours. Your body instinctively followed him, fumbling your fingers into his feather soft hair. The brunette moaned into your mouth, pressing you against the back of the couch his grip on your hips tight.

A soft whine left his lips as you grinded against his half hard member, not wasting any time in sliding his slender fingers under the hem of your dress trailing it up your thighs ever so slowly. Your hands fumbled to his shirt, unbuttoning the buttons like second nature exposing more of his torso.

"I can't believe- mm- that you're kissing me right now- fuck me."

A deep chuckle rumbled his chest, his lips parting from your already marked neck. Spencer wouldn't bring himself to admit that he liked seeing you covered in hickeys. Hickeys that he made.

"Jump up for me sweets." Following his instructions without hesitation, your legs wrapping around his waist hands cupping your thighs tightly. The bespectacled boy made his way around the couch, gently sitting down with your legs on either side of him. "Fuck... you look gorgeous. I just want to eat you out so bad."

Moaning at his confession, instinctively grinding against his now too tight slacks. Spencer's mouth was parted as he eyed you in awe, his hands guiding your hips back and forth on his cock. Your clit was getting all the friction it could possibly get with only your panties to cover your soaked cunt. Feeling your arousal seep through the thin material, leaving a wet spot on his dark pants.

"Pretty girl... oh you're so pretty when you moan." Spencer's praise went straight to your head grinding on him at an embarrassing speed on his lap, his hands groping your exposed skin his finger trailing along the hem of your panties.

"Spence- please. I need your mouth. Your cock- fuck- just anything please."

Spencer could come right then and there if you had asked him to, shoving you off his hips laying you flat on the couch your legs spread wide open. He shrugged his shirt off exposing his slender body your shaking fingers trailing down his torso making their way to his waistband.Shaking his head at your needy whines, laying on his stomach to get closer to your soaked panties. A soft moan left your lips as he wrapped his arms around your thighs getting comfortable, his warm breath fanning over your leaking cunt.

"Please don't hold back on me, sweet girl."

Before you could utter any words of protest, Spencer had slid your panties to the side and licked a stripe up your slit. Hissing at the sensation of him on your swollen clit, bucking your hips up. He chuckled against you looking up at you through his lashes, enjoying the view of you gripping the couch cushions in a tight grip. Taking a deep breath as he delved in, his mouth leaving not a single inch of you untouched.

He moaned at the taste of you feeling himself getting addicted to your arousal his lips wrapping around your clit, feeling his cock harden at the sinful sounds leaving your lips. Your head was thrown back chest heaving up and down, your fingers trying to find something to grasp. 

"My hair."

"Mm?"

"Your hands- grab my hair." Without a second thought you trailed your hands to his head full of curls, allowing your fingers to tug on his feather soft hair. A guttural moan leaving his lips, sending waves of pleasure down your legs. "Just like that."

Spencer adjusted his hold on your thighs his free hand toying with your clit as he used his tongue to fuck your spongy walls.

"Jesus- fuck. God, Spencer. Please..."

"Mmm" He hummed against your puffy lips, not faltering his movements as he eased two of his slender fingers inside your warmth. Feeling as full as you did should be illegal, clenching your eyes shut as he fucked you gingerly not wanting to make you cum quite yet. "I want to see your eyes, sweet girl."

Fluttering your eyes open locking eyes with his dark eyes. The sight of your glossy eyes was enough to make him want your cum to coat his cock, speeding up his slick fingers carefully inserting a third feeling you clench around him. 

"Fuck! Yes… please don’t stop-"

A pair of sticky lips pressed against yours shoving his tongue in your mouth as he fumbled with his slacks, tossing them elsewhere. He couldn't be bothered to remove either of your garments, tugging his cock out of his briefs a soft hiss leaving his lips at the freeing sensation. Stroking his slick covered hand over his cock, coating it in your sweet juices. 

"I'm on the pill. Please. I just want your cock deep inside of me," You blabbered out too far in your haze to form coherent sentences. A soft chuckle left his lips, lining himself up with your cunt enjoying the way you shivered at the sensation of his leaking cock against your abused hole. "Spence.."

"I know pretty girl. I just want to soak up every bit of this,"

Soft gasps left your lips as he eased inside your walls, his scrunched up face let you know he was trying to hold back. Taking matters into your own hands wrapping your legs around his hips, using your entwined feet to push him deeper into you bottoming out.

"Fuck..."

"Fuck me like you mean it."

His eyes darkened even further, snapping his hips against yours a loud moan leaving your swollen lips. Pulling out all the way enjoying your whines of protests, his body seeming to move without him needing to think .

Fucking you like he had never dreamt of anyone before, soft pants leaving his body as he felt the coil tightening inside. 

He didn't want to stop.

Not when you looked so heavenly yet oh so sinful below him. 

Your hair was splayed on the couch, your doe eyes looking up at him as he destroyed your pretty little cunt. The sound of his cock squelching with every thrust would be engraved in his brain forever, quite literally. Already replaying every moment in his head, as he leaned down to press a feverish kiss to your lips wanting to inhale every bit of you.

You tasted so sweet. 

Oh so sweet. 

Your cunt tasted just as sweet as your lips did. He couldn't get enough. Your walls clenched around his cock, a groan leaving his lips giving you a harsh thrust enjoying the loud sounds he was able to pull from you.

Having been on the edge this entire time, his cock feeling like a heaven sent. You didn't want this to end, having stopped yourself from cumming like your life depended on it. Not being able to hold it back anymore your hands clawing at his back for something to hold.

Taking one look at his face, his glasses had been tossed somewhere on your rug. His eyebrows furrowed as he focused on the sounds leaving your body. A small whine left your mouth as you took every inch of him in.

"Jesus... Spence. I'm-"

"Cum for me sweet girl... I'm right behind you," He mumbled into your lips his tongue having found his way back into your mouth. Those words were all you needed to hear, arching your back off the couch a groan leaving your lips as you writhed under him.

Every last inch of your body felt numb. Everything had gone foggy. Feeling a new wave of content wash over you as you began to climb down from your orgasm. 

The feeling of Spencers thrusts speeding up made you tighten your hold on his back your nails digging into the soft flesh. Heavy grunts escaped his lips at every thrust, his hair clinging to his sweaty forehead. The sight of your lips parted open, your breasts bouncing with the harshness of his thrusts sent him over the edge his hips sputtering with every snap of his hips.

Shooting ribbons of his cum deep inside your velvety walls, a soft moan leaving your body at the filling sensation. The brunette didn't dare move his body tingling as his chest heaved up and down.

A soft giggle broke him out of his trance, his eyes snapping up to your flushed face. Your hands were covering your face as you giggled into your hands, peeking an eye open at the confused boy.

"Wha-"

"Morgan is going to absolutely murder me. Look at the state of your neck," Your comment send the two of you into a fit of giggles, shaking his head at the girl who looked up at him with a wide smile. Your eyes blown wide open eyeing him with something he couldn't quite place.

Where had he seen that look before?

His mind immediately blanked, only being able to focus on one thing flashing in his mind. 

The picture.

The picture of him and the team. The only person looking down at you; was him. The same twinkle in your eye as you eyed him flushed face was one he had seen on his face countless of times. Feeling his heart rate pick up tucking a strand of your hair behind your eyes, enjoying the warming of your cheeks under his large hands. Spencer couldn't believe someone as sweet as you was his.

 Who could have ever know?

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

hey you lovely’s! i’ve been watching criminal minds for like the first time ever!! and i’ve been obsessed with just about every character on that show. please, if you want to send me any requests feel free to do so <3 i think i’d be open to write just about anyone and everything so :p thank you guys!!!! lots of love and kisses

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

a/n: GUYS WHAT PLEASE IM SCARED. FILTHY. let me know if yall enjoy <3. this is my first criminal minds fic. considering making an aaron option??????? lmk if i should pursue

Body Language, Pt. 1

Part 2:

https://justanotherfandomloser.tumblr.com/post/645851107666591744/body-language-pt-2

Part 3:

https://justanotherfandomloser.tumblr.com/post/645923305711370240/body-language-pt-3

You jogged up the stairs, sneakers hitting the old, carpeted apartment building steps harder than normal. You reached your floor, stuffed your hand in your go-bag and fumbled for your keys. As you pulled them out, you jammed the only silver one into the lock and twisted, throwing the door open angrily. It had been a BAD day. You worked at the BAU, in Quantico, VA. You had been working a case today that heavily involved BDSM play. It was full of jokes from Derek and flirting from Penelope. They weren’t the issue, though. 

It was your boyfriend, Spencer Reid. Every time dominance and submission was brought up, he glanced your way, his body turning slightly towards you. You would catch him staring at your body, biting his pretty pink lip until a visible dent appeared. No doubt what his eidetic memory and vivid imagination were up to trouble. 

How could he let his body language run away from him like that? We’re surrounded by profilers, for god’s sake. I know Emily and JJ noticed, it’s hard to keep anything like this from them. At least that’s how Spencer was acting. He left the BAU at the normal clock-out time, but I stayed to do some extra file work for the case we had finished. It was a clean shot from Rossi, but the Unsub did die, so there was bound to be more paperwork to complete. You saw Spencer’s eyes catch yours on his way out. You just glared, and saw his eyebrows draw together in slight fear. He’s a genius... he’ll figure out what he’d done.

As I closed my last file, I looked up to see Hotch exiting his office and walking towards the clear doors towards the elevator. I placed the file in the plastic holder in the corner of my desk, then gathered up my go-bag and coat to follow my superior. I jogged towards the elevator, which he held for me before it closed at the last second. 

“Hey,” I said, worn-out and irritated. I did my best to keep my tone neutral and polite, as he was my superior. Not to mention he was someone I respected as a person. I knew he could tell something was wrong, though. He frowned slightly, lips pursing together. 

“Everything okay?” He asked, fully knowing that something was up.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Just a stressful day, boss,” I said, trying to add a chuckle at the end. I hadn’t convinced him, but it didn’t seem like he was going to press any further. 

“Okay. Just tell me if there’s anything you need.” 

I nodded.

“Thanks, Hotch,” I said, genuinely grateful to the man standing beside me. He nodded towards me, and I returned it. He exited the elevator first. I followed, walking to my car in the underground parking lot. The drive home only 20 minutes, but seemed like forever. I had been thinking about Spencer’s obvious behavior all the way to our shared apartment, and was seething by the time I got out.

※※※

I tossed my keys on the stand next to the door, and set my bag down on the end of the couch. 

Where is he?

I quickly looked around the room, a kitchen off to the side, and a living room connected to it. It wasn’t a huge apartment, but it worked for us. I noticed soft noises coming from down the small hall where our bedroom and bathroom were located. I growled under my breath and made my way down the hallway. The noises became louder as I approached the closed bedroom. Discernable moans came from behind the door.

I knocked roughly and flung it open.

The sight I was met with filled me to the brim with even more anger. Spencer was sprawled out on the bed, his hair mussed and his clothes on the floor. His hand shot up from his dick, and he pulled himself up to the headboard of the bed. 

“(Y-Y/n), l-let me explain,” he rushed, eyes wide, voice high and squeaky. I simply stared at him, letting the fear turn over in his mind. I knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it much longer. Seeing the sweat on his forehead leading down to his terrified eyes made me want to tie him up and ruin him right that second. But he would have to wait. 

Torturing him was the best part.

A.N. - 

Ahhh this is just the first part, I’ll finish it soon. t/y!

Update-

I’ve finished all three parts. My first actual thing on here, tysm for reading! I only started it in 2nd person POV, the rest of it it 1st person POV

Body Language, Pt. 2

Part 1:

https://justanotherfandomloser.tumblr.com/post/642653179122794496/body-language-pt-1

Part 3:

https://justanotherfandomloser.tumblr.com/post/645923305711370240/body-language-pt-3

“(Y-Y/n), l-let me explain,” he rushed, eyes wide, voice high and squeaky. I simply stared at him, letting the fear turn over in his mind. I knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it much longer. Seeing the sweat on his forehead leading down to his terrified eyes made me want to tie him up and ruin him right that second. But he would have to wait.

Torturing him was the best part.

※※※

Turning to close the bedroom door, I stayed silent. I only did this when I was furious, and he knew it. Still facing the wood, I brought my hand up and slammed it against the doorframe. I heard Spencer whimper behind me. 

“Spencer Reid?” I asked.

“Yes (Y-Y/n)?” he said almost too quietly for me to hear.

“Did I give you permission to call me by my name?,” I growled, my voice raising slightly.

“No Ma’am!” he squeaked loudly. I whirled to face him. 

“When,” I annunciated the first syllable of my sentence with a step towards him, “Did I ever give you permission to touch yourself while I’m not here?” His jaw tensed as he realized how much trouble he was in. “And do you have any idea how fucking obvious you were today? Looking at me and biting your lip in the goddamn conference room in front of everyone,” I scoffed. As of now, I was standing next to the bed, looking down at him with a hard stare. He clutched the sheets closer, which made me cock my eyebrow. “So you practically spoke about wanting me to fuck you with your body language today, but you think you get to hide your gorgeous body from me when I get home?” I questioned. His eyes widened and he shook his head vigorously.

 I watched as he slowly crawled towards me on all fours, sitting on his knees and putting his hands behind his back as he reached the side of the bed I was on. I lifted his chin with my finger, to which he refused. Then I grabbed his chin forcefully and yanked it closer to my face. I leaned in so my lips were right beside his ear. “I’m going to tie you up and ruin you,” I whispered, causing Spencer’s whole body to shudder. 

I let go of his chin, and turned around to the dresser where our assortment of all different colors, textures, and sizes of toys and ropes were kept. Picking out a few things, I lifted them out and placed them on the end of the bed. I glanced at Reid, watching him eye the items with nervousness. 

I crossed over to him and laced my fingers into his long hair, pulling him to meet my lips in passionate kiss. At first he was hesitant, confused as to why I was kissing him instead of punishing him.

Oh, we were just getting started.

Body Language, Pt. 3

Part 1:

https://justanotherfandomloser.tumblr.com/post/642653179122794496/body-language-pt-1

Part 2:

   https://justanotherfandomloser.tumblr.com/post/645851107666591744/body-language-pt-2

I crossed over to him and laced my fingers into his long hair, pulling him to meet my lips in passionate kiss. At first he was hesitant, confused as to why I was kissing him instead of punishing him.

Oh, we were just getting started.

※※※

Spencer tugged against the ropes that tied his wrists together and to the bed. I had also bound his legs to the bottom of the bedframe, but unlike his arms, they were spread wide. I chuckled at his weak attempt at a struggle. Blowing out the match in front of candle I had just lit on the dresser, I turned to him.

I had taken off everything but my bra and underwear, which were both black and lacy.

“Really, Doctor?” I said, knowing he loved the use of the honorific, especially in the bedroom., “Now you’re trying to get out of this punishment? I don’t think so,” I drawled. He let his head hit the pillows, huffing in frustration. I stepped towards him, asking him the most important question before I began to touch him. “Safe word?”

“G-gravity,” he breathed.

“Good boy,” I said as I ran a finger from his collarbone continually down his torso, causing him to whimper softly.  My finger stopped at his hips, “You were so transparent today, Doctor. I bet half of the team knows we’re having sex now,” I cooed as gripping his pale skin with my hands. I climbed on the bed, straddling his stomach with my thighs. “Is that what you wanted, boy? Showing the whole team how submissive you really are? How I can make eye contact with you and already have you begging at my feet?” I teased, rocking back and forth slightly. He shuddered and began to say something, but stopped short when his eyes met mine. “What was that, pretty boy?” I asked, leaning closer to his face. He shook his head, looking regretful already. “Answer me,” I said sternly.

“How do they know that I-I’m not the dominant?” He said quietly, but with a hint of annoyance. 

Any mercy that I had was immediately gone. I yanked his head back by his hair and he moaned loudly, “Really, boy? Now you’re going to talk back to me?” I snarled, “How they know that I’m the dominant is because they can read your body language better than you know how to control it,” I seethed. “How you always have your head down, hands behind your back when someone is yelling, how you look up from under your eyelashes when you’re shy?” I began, nipping at his neck to prove each point. “How about when you called me ‘Miss’ on our last case, and couldn’t make eye contact with anyone after you realized what you might have given away? That’s how they know you aren’t in control here, Pet,” I hissed, sucking at his neck harshly while he whimpered underneath me. I slid down his body, until I was settled comfortably between his legs. The tip of my finger traced spirals from his hipbones all the way to his base. I suddenly gripped him in my hand, hearing a yelp from above me.

“P-please!” he said in desperate voice.

“I know you can do better than that, slut,” I said, slapping his thigh, “Come on, pretty boy, you can do better.”

“Mistress please touch me, I can be good, please,  please,” he begged.

“How pathetic,” I started, “But then again, I do love it when you beg.” I took him in my hand, slowly pumping as he hissed and moaned. “Do you like this, baby?” I asked, nipping at his thighs. 

“Ah- yes!” he cried. He began to tremble as my hand moved faster and faster. His whimper as I pulled my hand away abruptly made me smirk. 

“Oh, you didn’t think you would get to come, did you?” I laughed, “This is a punishment, boy, not a reward.” I reached over to the corner of the mattress, picking up a cock ring and slipping it on him. He groaned. I picked up a small remote, and pressed a button. Spencer cried out as the ring vibrated. “Aw baby, it’s so easy to get you desperate,” I whispered, moving up to his chest, “Only a hand-job and a vibrating ring and you’re already crying for more?” I said, licking over the purple marks on his neck, causing him to cry out another time. “Oh pretty boy, we haven’t even gotten to the best part,” I said sultrily, sliding off of him and the bed as I grabbed the black, still-lit candle, a leather riding crop, and a thick tie from his drawer. I put the candle and crop down beside the bed, while I tied the tie around his eyes as a blindfold. “Is this okay, pretty boy?” I asked, I saw him nod, “And what’s your safe word again?”

“Gravity,” he breathed. 

“We haven’t done a lot of temperature play, so you have to use your safe word if you get uncomfortable at any time, do you understand me?” I said, a little sternly so as to get my point across. I knew if I didn’t remind him of it, he wouldn’t say anything unless he was on the verge of a panic attack. 

“Y-yes Ma’am,” he said, trying to stifle a moan at the vibrations that continued to radiate through his cock. 

“Good boy,” I said, causing his lips to twitch into a smile. I picked up the riding crop, and began tracing it all over his soft, exposed skin. I heard him breathing lightly in anticipation. His face looked confused when I brought it away from his body, but moaned loudly when it smacked his inner thigh. I repeated this a few more times, watching him begin to wriggle his body in excited nervousness. 

I dipped a finger in the wax, and touched it to his neck. He whimpered, causing me to stop.

“Please k-keep going,” he breathed. I was glad it wasn’t a sound of distress. It gave me pleasure to give him pleasure. I held the candle above his chest, tipping it very slightly to the side, so the wax would drip out and onto him. He moaned in a high pitch as the wax hit his body, and kept on making obscene noises as I moved the black candle lower and lower. “Ngh- fuck!” he moaned loudly as the wax reached his lower pelvic area, right above where I had begun to tease him.

I tilted it back upright and crossed back to place it again on the dresser, making him whine at the loss of the pleasantly painful heat. 

Yet again, I crouched between his legs on the bed.

“You’ve been sooo good, Spencer,” I said, tracing one finger over his tip. He bit his lip to keep from crying out again. 

I grabbed the cock ring and slipped it off quickly, immediately replacing it with my mouth. He let out a strangled whine as I bobbed my head at an excruciatingly slow pace.

“Ma-am, I- fuck, ah, fuck!” he cried, throwing his head back again. I hummed, letting the vibrations go through his cock.

I paused, “You have to use your words, Pet,” I whispered, “Tell me what you want me to do...” I trailed off lowly.

“Faster!” he yelped. I slapped his thigh, hard.

“Manners,” I growled

“Mistress please go faster! Please, I need to-” I smirked and cut him off mid-sentence by slipping my lips back around is hard cock, swirling my tongue around and gripping his thighs hard enough to leave bruises.

“Agh- p-please! I-” he cried out. I bobbed my head faster and faster, moaning into him, the vibrations from my mouth bringing him closer to the edge.

He started shaking, and I could tell what was about to happen.

“I-I’m going to-ah! I’m- ngghhh-”

I quickly lifted myself up is body and ripped the tie from his face.

“Look me in the eyes when you come,” I commanded. He blushed and threw his head back momentarily. As he reached his climax, I dragged my nails down his thighs and locked eyes with him as he sobbed and came in my mouth. I swallowed most of it, hating the taste as always. But he liked watching me swallow, and he had earned it. I quickly turned and released his legs from the restraints.

Spencer’s body collapsed against the sheets, legs trembling and panting heavily, trying to catch his breath. I climbed up his limp body one last time, resting my palms against the sides of his face and kissing him passionately. 

I pulled away, “I love you, Spencer,” I whispered, pressing my lips back to his, softly this time. I reached up and untied his wrists as well. He hummed into the kiss, opening his eyes and bringing his hand up to stroke my cheek.

“I love you too, (Y/n),” he whispered back. I pressed my forehead to his, then gently climbed off and tip toed to the bathroom, coming back with a cool, wet towel. I wiped the wax, sweat, and drops of what I didn’t swallow from his body. After I finished, I tossed the soft rag into the bathroom, and crawled into bed beside him. We were both sweating, so I left the sheets crumpled at the end of the bed. I rested his head on my shoulder, closing his eyes softly. Suddenly, he looked up at me with concern.

“Hey, are you okay pretty boy?” I asked, stroking my hand through his curls. 

“Yes, I just realized you didn’t-”

“Sshh, baby it’s okay,” I said soothingly, “You’re tired baby, I’m not going to ask you to do anything today.”

He frowned at me, pushing off me and sliding from the bed to his knees on the floor. I smiled and shook my head lying down on my stomach with my arms hanging off the bed. I combed a hand through his hair again, “Aww Pet it’s okay, we can rest for now baby boy,” I said. 

He furrowed his brows and shook his head. He whispered something but I couldn’t quite hear him.

“Raise your voice, love,” I said gently.

“I want you to r-ride my face,” he said softly, looking up at me with puppy eyes. I just smiled. 

“Alright boy, but you better make it quick, we have dinner with the team in 20 minutes,” I laughed. Spencer’s eyes widened, looking down to the bruises on his wrists softly touching the marks on his neck. He groaned.

“Uh-uh! I don’t need your complaining, show me how much you appreciate what I did for you, pretty boy,” I teased playfully.

※※※

It’s safe to say we were a little late for that dinner.

Criminal profiler, Federal agent

Born in 1981

Spencer

Spencer Reid

.

.

.

.

Criminal profiler, Federal agent

Born in 1981

Spencer

Spencer Reid

Come on, Spencer, you can do it

Pave the way, put your back into it

Tell us why, show us how

Look at where you came from,

look at you now

Cat Adams

and Tobias Hankel

and Diane Turner

Amateurs, can fucking suck it

Fuck their wives, drink their blood

Come on, Spencer, get 'em!

darylbrainrots intro -☆

lluvia, any pronouns

★- Who is darylbrainrot?

★- Main Masterlist

JJK | TWD | Criminal Minds | Overwatch | CSM

ONGOING… AIYGIWGWY gojo x reader smau

Who is Darylbrainrot?

★- You can call me lluvia and I use any pronouns

★- Since I'm fairly new I'd enjoy any request on what to write from any fandom I'm in currently/ have been in.

★- Facts about me (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

★- Im currently obsessed with overwatch, jjk, twd, and criminal minds ★- In overwatch I main mercy, d.va, cassidy, widow, and ash ★- I like drawing but I tend to get drawing block a lot... D: ★- I love animals (not bugs tho..) !! especially otters, ferrets, and possums :) ★- My sleep schedule is usually fucked up most of the time.. so you'd probably see updates from me late at night (CST time zone) ★- my fav artist currently are mitski, destroy boys, melanie martinez, deftones, system of a down, hot freaks, pierce the veil, TV girl, and maya hawke (there's a whole lot more) ★- my writing might be bad LMAO and new stories will probably take awhile to write.. ★- I loathe bugs. I'm deathly afraid of them. ★- idk what else to put so this is the end <3

CRIMINAL MINDS MASTERLIST

⋆ spencer reid- N/A

⋆ dereck morgan- N/A

⋆ aaron hotchner- N/A

main masterlist

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader)

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader) Word Count: 14,842 Reader insert: she/her pronouns. She is not American unless you are, just has a previous history in American law enforcement. Warnings: mentions of murder, crime scenes, guns, near-death experiences, slow-burn romance, drug addiction, death, and some MAJOR FLUFF! Spoilers: none, as Criminal Minds has been out for literal decades so don't get mad.

All his life, Dr. Spencer Reid has been told he is a genius - gifted, different. When you, a new member of the BAU, arrive, he expects the same weirded-out reaction from you as everyone does. But when you don't, and you instead find him interesting, Spencer finds himself forming an attachment to you. And as the years go on, is it really any wonder that he falls for you?

This is six times you secretly say I love you to Spencer, and one time he says it back in the same fashion.

This man has been eating my brain alive for the past few weeks and I know I'm late but damn he deserves all the appreciation he gets. This was just a silly little idea I had because I'm the kind of person to get obsessed quickly and can't move on until I write it out of my system. Seeing how long this turned out, I have split each moment into six smaller, digestible chapters as linked below. Enjoy xx

Full Story | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Spencer Reid was performing some of his physics magic for his colleagues when he first saw you.

He'd just mixed up some water with an antacid tablet and placed within a film canister. He'd done it a hundred times on his own, but he'd only just joined the BAU two months ago, and JJ and Derek hadn't seen it before so he just had to do it. Quickly placing the lid on, he said, 'You can turn around now.'

'I don't understand why we had to in the first place,' Derek said as he grumpily turned around.

'A magician never tells his secrets,' Spencer said, rubbing his hands gleefully. To him, showing off his intellect never got boring.

Well, show off wasn't the proper term. He understood that he could be a lot for some people, knowing so much for a man in his early twenties that looked barely old enough to be out of school, let alone with three Bachelors and PHDs under his belt already. Spouting little known facts or remembering minute details about cases that went back thirty to forty years was just his way of expressing himself. It was his way of contributing to the team. And while his team was getting used to his ramblings and intellect, even demonstrated admiration for it, others would call him a freak.

'If you ask me,' JJ said, 'I wouldn't want to know how he does some things.'

'Fair,' Derek replied, all their eyes on the film canister.

Spencer watched it in anticipation, how the bubbles slipped out between the lid and the canister slowly at first, then started bubbling faster and bigger and-

POP!

The canister rocketed up towards the roof, and all three of them watched with wide eyes as it arced over the bullpen and then down to meet the-

'Ow!'

Spencer ducked into his chair as he watched a young lady in a loose button up shirt, dress pants and boots pat her head. He heard JJ and Derek scurry away, but Spencer remained staring at the woman. Who is she? he thought, his eyes scanning over her.

Your (h/c) hair caught the sunlight, giving it a glow that had Spencer mesmerised. Your (s/c) skin shone with it, making your (e/c) eyes stand out most beautifully. And when you stood back up and made eye contact with him, canister in hand, he found himself frozen, unable to avoid the conclusion that he was the culprit.

'What is this, Reid?' Hotch said, walking up to his desk not looking the least bit impressed. 'Actually, don't answer that. Just don't do it again.'

'Sorry,' Spencer murmured out, a guilty smile stretching his lips slightly.

Hotch blew out a sigh. 'Never mind that now. I would like to introduce you to our new team member. Agent (Y/n) (L/n), a transfer from LA.'

Spencer finally realised that you had walked up with Hotch, and now that you were so close (literally standing a desk apart from one another), he was lost for words at how bright your smile was, and how beautiful you looked that way.

'So you're the one that thought my head was a good landing place for your little... rocket,' you said offering the film canister back, laughter dancing in your words.

It took Spencer a moment for him to realise you wanted him to take the canister back, so he scrambled to his feet, fingers fumbling for the canister. 'No, I-I was just showing how a-an antacid reacts with water, and how, put into a small, confined place, that can cause a chemical, gas-like reaction and cause it to exploded.'

'And launch it like a rocket?' you asked.

He paused as he watched your smile slip a little. Oh no. He'd done it again - made someone feel dumber than him. And while technically that was true, he never meant to make anyone feel like that.

'Y-Yeah?' he answered, awkwardness rising up in his throat, freezing his limbs, his brain.

But then suddenly your smile returned, melting his fear and doubt as you said, 'Cool! I've always loved chemistry. I actually did a Bachelor of Science with a major in archaeological science and a minor in chemistry before I started my BA in Criminology.'

'And now you're here,' he said, a soft smile of his own tugging at his lips.

You nodded, looking around what would now be your new home. 'And now I'm here.'

'Fascinating,' Spencer breathed out. He didn't mean to, but it made you smile more so he didn't mind. It suddenly occurred to him that he hadn't introduced himself. He struck out his arm, rigid as a board, and offered his hand. 'Sorry, I'm Dr. Spencer Reid.'

'Pleasure to meet you, doctor,' you said, taking his hand and shaking it firmly. You skin was as soft as it looked, Spencer noted. 'I very much look forward to working with you and the rest of the team as we go forward.'

'We've got a briefing in five minutes, Reid,' Hotch interrupted, moving to step away from the conversation. 'I'll introduce you to the rest of the team then, (L/n). And if I find you firing another film canister through the sky, Reid-'

'Yes, yes, sorry, no more rockets. Airspace Reid is officially grounded,' Spencer quickly replied, not wanting to get lectured like a twelve-year-old like he usually did.

Your tinkling laughter drew his attention back to you, and he was baffled by the wonderment dancing in your eyes as you looked at him. 'You are a wonder, Dr. Spencer Reid.'

'T-Thanks?' he replied, although he wasn't quite sure if you were making fun of him or not. Most people did if they didn't straight up tell him he was annoying.

Hotch walked away, but you remained for a moment, leaning in close to whisper, 'That's a good thing, by the way.'

'Oh. Right.'

You flashed him one last smile before following your new unit chief, falling back into easy conversation with him as you gracefully floated through the chaotic goings of the office. Spencer couldn't take his eyes off you as you did, in awe of your grace and poise, and how you didn't even stumble when you spoke with him. You were genuine, upfront and honest. You couldn't be much older than himself, he noted, perhaps even younger. He was used to being the baby of the team, but it looked like that would be changing.

The prospect of being able to connect with someone his own age sent an unfamiliar but not unwelcome flutter through his heart.

'Oh, you've got it bad.'

Spencer spun in his chair to see JJ and Derek standing behind him once more, watching him with knowing grins.

'What? What have I got?' he asked. 'I'm not sick... I don't think.'

JJ rolled her eyes and giggled as she walked away, Spencer just catching a quiet, 'This'll be fun,' as she did. But Derek walked closer, placing a firm hand on his shoulder, and that knowing grin stretched wider, more feline and cheeky.

'Don't worry, pretty boy,' he said. 'You'll figure it out soon. You're smart, right?'

'Well, smart isn't really the quite term for someone with an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187-'

'And pep talk is over,' Derek interrupted, abruptly walking away back to his desk and leaving Spencer in a disarray of emotions.

So he looked back to where you had gone, and found you speaking with Penelope, nodding enthusiastically to whatever she was talking to you about. But you weren't just being polite, you appeared genuinely interested in the conversation, even though Spencer noted you barely contributed to it.

'You are a wonder, Dr. Spencer Reid.'

All his life, Spencer had been told he was a genius - gifted, different. It had just become an effortless part of who he is. It was almost expected at this point to see weirded-out or overly-amazed expressions from people he didn't know. So why then, when you said that to him, did he feel happy about it?

He checked his watch. Almost briefing time. He got up from his seat and made his way to the briefing room where only a place beside you was available. Maybe he would find out soon enough.

~

It became a casual thing, for you to comment on how wonderful Dr. Spencer Reid was. Every day in the office, whenever you travelled to cases, even out in the field, sometimes in not-so-great situations.

It was only ever once, but you always managed to find something to say, 'You are a wonder, Dr Reid,' to him. Sometimes it was his full name, sometimes just doctor. Sometimes, he was just Spencer. Apart from JJ, you were the only one who ever really called him by his first name. Oddly enough for him, he liked it when he was just Spencer, not the Boy Genius or freak or computer.

But the next time you told him that and it meant something to him was ten months after he ended his drug addiction.

He sat at his desk in the bullpen finishing some paperwork, or at least attempting to. They'd just gotten back from a long and exhausting case and his brain (the very thing he knew he could always rely on) refused to coordinate with his hands and eyes. The information he wished to write out felt jammed at his fingers tips, appeared blurry in his vision.

'Gosh,' he breathed out, leaning back in his seat defeated as he rubbed at his tired eyes. No doubt black bags sagged beneath them.

It had been a long, exhausting case. The team had gone to Dallas to find a serial killer who'd been leaving a trail of dead doctors and pharmacists over the span of months which had suddenly turned into weeks, then days once the team joined the case.

The unsub had spiralled, devolved so to say, alluding to a psychotic break. But when they'd found him, he was not the malicious, sadistic person they'd first expected. Spencer was the first on the scene and had instead found a young man in his early twenties, not much younger than himself. All he'd wanted was some off-market narcotic that took away the pain from the physical abuse he received from his father.

And while Spencer's trauma was not the same, he couldn't help but see the parallels. When he'd looked the young man in the eyes, it was like looking into a mirror. All he saw was himself, drowning in his own trauma, his own fear, his own pain.

Spencer scoped the bullpen, suddenly noticing the silence. Not a single person was left. He then looked at his watch - half past ten. He hadn't noticed people leaving whatsoever. Not surprising considering his current state, his current condition.

Spencer slowly reached down to the bottom drawer of his desk, a sudden urge coursing through him to do so. Slowly again, almost hesitantly, he pulled it open and leafed through the many spare manilla folders that sat oddly in there until he reached the bottom.

It was just one vial, but just the mere sight of it sent relief rushing through Spencer. Dilaudid. He gently cradled it up to his eyes, admiring how the glass doors of the entrance became obscured as he looked through the transparent but murky liquid. After this case, what he wouldn't give to have a needle right now. Just one hit-

'Well, if it isn't Dr. Spencer Reid burning the midnight oil.'

Spencer almost dropped the vial as he scrambled to shove it deep into his pant pocket just as you appeared out of nowhere from the conference room.

'Sorry,' you said, an apologetic smile already on your lips. 'I didn't mean to startle you.'

'It's okay,' he replied as casually as possible. It was one thing to nearly be caught out by your colleague that you had an illegal narcotic you used to have an addiction for in your hand, but another when that colleague is one you've admired since the day you met. 'I was lost in thought, anyways.'

'Well just as well then. I can only imagine how depthless your brain must go with all that knowledge crammed in there.' You walked down the stairs to the floor of the bullpen and walked to him. You were still in your clothes from the past twenty-four hours, and your light makeup looked like it was lifting off your face like a second skin. Even your unrelenting smile seemed to sag with exhaustion.

Spencer straightened up in his seat, suddenly concerned. 'You okay, (Y/N)? You look-'

'Like trash?' you finished as you pulled up a chair of your own and sat in front of him. 'I have no doubt.'

Spencer looked behind your back into the conference room, his eyebrows furrowing when he spotted stacks of folders and loose paperwork spread across the table. 'That all yours?'

You looked back to the mess of words and paper you'd just escaped and sighed dramatically. 'Oh, yeah. Seems like the longer the case, the more paperwork you have to do. Poor trees.'

'Yeah...' Spencer found it odd how much paperwork you had to get through. Even he didn't have that much to get through. But before he could question you about it, your soft voice filled the damning void that surrounded him.

'How are you feeling, you know, after this case?'

'What do you mean?' he asked.

'Don't give me that,' you say, your smile now replaced by a seriousness Spencer only saw on you when you were making an arrest or in really dire situations. You've worked together for almost three years now, he knew all the faces you pulled, all of your likes and dislikes, how you liked your coffee only after you've completed one task for the day to prove you can survive without it but choose not to.

He knows you, so it should not be surprising that you know him just as well.

'The moment we found out the unsub's objective, you've been a little... off.'

'Well, it shouldn't be surprising considering that was me just ten months ago,' he said matter-of-factly, pulling back into his shell, putting up his guard. 'I mean, if Hotch hadn't have found out about it, that could've been me-'

'No it wouldn't have.'

Spencer scoffed, but not in a demeaning manner. He just didn't believe you for a moment because he could see the facts, the statistics, in his head. 'Over 45% percent of addicts relapse at least twice. This is without the intervention or support by health care clinics and families and friends, and this case just proved that. So, yes, it could've been-'

'But it wasn't,' you intervened again, your voice echoing like soft thunder through the empty office. It gave you presence, forcing Spencer to look at you, like really look at you, and face what you were about to say.

'You had help and support from people that care about you, Spence,' you continued, sitting forward in your seat. 'And I don't care about the statistics, you're not one of them. You're your own person and you can determine where you add value in life, not by some... statistically-informed percentage prediction... thing.'

That drew a laugh out him, the quiet but sudden sound surprising him slightly. 'Stastically-informed percentage prediction, huh?'

'Shut up,' you grumbled and playfully punched his shoulder. When you both calmed down, you continued. 'When I realised who we were looking for, for a moment I kind of got scared.'

Spencer raised a quizzical eyebrow 'Scared?'

You nodded. 'The truth is that... when you were kidnapped and... you had to endure all that pain alone... I was terrified. We all were. Even when we found you, I was terrified. Because I knew you would never be the same, and not that it's your problem, but I knew in that moment that I would never forgive myself for not finding you sooner. For not going with you and JJ to the farm.'

Tears welled up in your eyes and Spencer immediately leant forward. To do what, he didn't know, he just needed you to know he was there for you, like you always were for him.

'I'm sorry,' you mutter, blinking the tears away before they could fall. 'Your trauma is not my own. I have no right to express my guilt.'

'There's nothing to feel guilty for,' he said, reaching out slowly with his hands, the ones that slightly shook as he laid them on your own.

To his relief, you smiled. It wasn't full, but it was there. 'You're a horrible liar, Spencer Reid.' That brought some laughter out of you both, lightening the suffocating air of the office.

'But even when we found out about you and the dilaudid,' you continued, pulling yourself together, if only to let Spencer know your true thoughts. 'I wasn't even mad.'

A large lump formed in Spencer's throat, and he had a hard time swallowing it along with the threat of tears that burned behind his amber eyes. 'You... You weren't?'

It was the mixture of surprise and hope that pulled at your heart, that made you feel obligated to keep speaking. 'Why should I have been? I was not the one who was tortured mentally and physically by a split-personality murderer; and who also witnesses the darkest, most ugliest aspects of humanity every single day of his life. It was not my place to judge how you hold onto your own humanity.'

Your eyes until then had never left his, but they flickered downwards then, and Spencer froze at where your gaze landed.

It only lasted a moment before your eyes returned to his, and it startled him the lack of sympathy he finds there, but instead warmth. 'It is still not my place to judge,' you said, twisting your hands so they could clasp his fully. 'All I know is that... you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. So much stronger than me, JJ, Pen, Emily - heck, I'd say you're even stronger than Derek. But not Hotch, Gideon, and Rossi, though. Then again, no one is.'

You both chuckled at that, and all the tension in his body seemed to dissipate at the sound. So light and airy, it was what he imagined heaven sounded like.

'The point is,' you continued, giving his hands a squeeze, 'you are a wonder, Spencer Reid. We all see it. You've just got to now see it, too.'

Spencer stared at you, dumbfounded and conflicted within himself. He felt like he wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. And a great urge to suddenly engulf you in a hug started itching his limbs, which was weird because he didn't care much physical affection, or affection in general. But before he could decide what he wanted to do, you decided for him.

You gave his hands one last squeeze before letting go and standing up. The absence of your touch left him cold as he followed you as you went back into the conference room to pack up. Surprisingly it didn't take you long until you came back out, your coat and bag in hand.

'Don't stay up too long, now,' you said as you passed him by, your smile so radiant it was almost as if you weren't crying just a few minutes before. 'We've got a long day ahead.'

As soon as the elevator door closed on you, he pulled out the vial of dilaudid and stared it down. It was like it was taunting him, sitting idly, innocently, in his palm, as if it knew he desperately wanted it, needed it.

'...you are stronger than you give yourself credit for... you are a wonder, Spencer Reid. We all see it. You've just got to now see it, too.'

For some reason, though, he suddenly didn't need it. The fire, the urge, the want and reliance for it - he was suddenly weightless with clarity, if only for a moment.

Spencer chucked the vial in the dumpster outside the office when he left. It was hard, but he did it. He knew he wasn't cured, that there was still a long road ahead. But it was a start.

The next day when he came into the office, Derek was the first to comment on his haggard appearance.

'Seriously man,' he said, trailing Spencer out of the break room, 'you look like a ghoul. Did you sleep at all last night.'

'I was here late last night doing paperwork,' he explained, sitting himself and his coffee down at his desk. 'You should go see (y/n), she probably looks a little worse for wear herself from staying late last night, too.'

'Oh, she stayed late too, did she?'

'It's not like that,' Spencer insisted, swatting at Derek pathetically. 'She had a mountain of paperwork to finish of her own.'

'Y/N?' Emily said as she walked by with JJ, identical coffees in their hands. 'She finished her paperwork at about the same time I did.'

'Yeah, we were walking out together before she turned back into the office. Said she had to talk with Hotch,' JJ said.

'I remember that,' Spencer added. 'You guys said goodnight to me on your way out.' Not that he had responded, he suddenly recalled, a pang of guilt punching his gut.

'Who had to talk with me?' The man himself suddenly walked by, stopping at the congregated group upon hearing his name.

'Y/n,' Emily answered. 'Last night.'

'Oh, yes. She, uh, asked if there was anymore paperwork to do.'

'Why would she do that when she was done?' JJ asked.

'I don't know,' Hotch said, making his way towards his office, 'but who am I to turn away someone who wants to do paperwork for free? Now, briefing in ten minutes.'

As the others dispersed back to their desks, Spencer didn't know how to feel about this new information. It didn't help the matter when you finally dragged yourself into the office, dark circles peaking out from under your thin layer of foundation. But as you sat at your desk, eyes drooping as you logged onto your laptop, he knew just what to do.

It took you a second to register the cup of coffee being held in front of your dazed eyes, and another to realise who was holding it.

'Late night?' Spencer asked, a coy smile on his lips.

Despite your exhaustion, you managed to grab the cup without spilling any of the precious caffeine that would help you through the day. 'Yeah,' you decided to play dumb, answering as enthusiastically as possible. 'Paperwork, you know. Never-ending.'

Spencer hummed, contemplating his next words carefully. 'Well, I hope giving up your sleep was worth it, then.'

'I'd like to think it was.'

The way you didn't hesitate to answer struck a chord of truth in him that left him dumbfounded once more. Twice in under twenty-four hours? That had to be a new record for him.

But instead of freezing up, he managed an honest smile as he clanked his coffee cup with your own. 'Well... it is certainly most appreciated.'

~

The next time you dumbfounded him, he almost kissed you.

Ever since you had joined the BAU, you and Spencer had alway had a sweet partnership. But after that night in the office, you had become inseparable. Best friends, to put simply. You stayed late at the office to keep each other company, brought each other coffee and treats, spent free days checking out the new films playing in the cinema.

You had inside jokes, and fought like an old, married couple - a fact the team loved to bring up whenever possible. But you liked it like that. Spencer was your person, and you were his.

And as much as he wowed you everyday, you managed to surprise him on occasions, too.

You were both paired up to interrogate a suspect. You personally didn't believe she was the killer, but Spencer didn't like to base anything from solely his gut. In other words, he was skeptical.

'I didn't kill those women,' your suspect said. 'And even if wanted to kill them, it would be for something more worthwhile than a stupid role.'

'Jealously isn't as far-fetched a reason to kill as you may believe,' Spencer stated to her. 'Particularly in women, the feeling of being threatened or in danger of losing something important to them brings out almost a maternal instinct to protect what they believe to be is theirs.'

'You think all actresses are that low? That shallow?' The young woman was pretty, but her face scrunched up in an ugly manner at the insinuation.

'He doesn't think that at all,' you interjected. 'In fact, he quite likes actresses, don't you buddy?'

Spencer gave you a side eye to which you smiled sickly-sweetly at in return. You were never going to let the Lila fling down any time soon.

You looked back at the young woman, your face returning to empathetic, concerned. She had a wall up, she was wearing a mask. If you wanted answers out of her, you needed to connect with her.

You leaned forward on the table, positioning yourself in front of Spencer so all her focus was on you.

'Anna,' you said softly, like you were speaking to a friend. 'I know you didn't do it. You're different than all those other girls right? You've worked hard to get where you are. Small town girl wanting to make a name for herself in an industry that can be ruthless and heartless as the killer that's still out there. You are classically trained, by-the-book, no shortcuts. I bet you started on the stage of your elementary school, landing the lead role.'

The young woman looked at you with skepticism for a moment, then you saw a crack in her mask as she nodded. 'I was Mary in the Christmas production. But it wasn't until high school when we preformed Shakespeare's The Tempest that I knew this was what I wanted to do with my life.'

Spencer noticed your smile now, how it lifted in a manner that sung of melancholy and fondness.

'"We are such stuff as dreams are made on.",' you said whimsically, and Spencer noted a familiarity that had the words rolling off your tongue with ease. Like it was muscle memory.

'Such a beautiful line, right?' the young woman asked.

'Yes, but, when translated into our modern English, it is quite sad really.' You make eye contact with the young woman and hoped she saw the understanding and slight desperation in your eyes. 'It means that life is an illusion, and a fleeting one at that. I don't necessarily believe in the first part of that, but it is true that life is fleeting. So before you end up the next aspiring actress in our morgue, you've got to tell us everything you know.'

The rest of the interrogation went smoothly. Honestly, it was the easiest one Spencer had ever sat in before. And all the while he had just sat there in awe of you.

'I didn't know you read Shakespeare,' he said randomly as they drove together in a local police SUV to meet with the rest of the team at the new suspect's house.

You scoffed. 'See that's the biggest misconception of Shakespeare. That it can only be read. In fact, it actually shouldn't be just read. It needs to be performed.'

Amusement danced upon Spencer's lips. 'Are you saying you were in a Shakespearean play? Which one? Actually, let me guess. Romeo and Juliet.'

'That's a cliche.'

'Twelfth Night? How about Taming of the Shrew?'

'Why do you want to know so badly?'

'Because I...' It suddenly occurred to him that he didn't quite know why he wanted to know. Only that he knows everything and you were his best friend and he didn't know something about you.

You spared him a sympathetic smile from the driver's seat before returning your eyes to the road. 'If you must know... it was actually The Tempest. It was my high school's production, too. And as much as he irritates me, I grew fascinated with Shakespeare's work after that. It even prompted me to do a unit or two in Shakespearean literature and performance during my uni days.'

You allowed yourself to slip back in time a little to those days, that melancholy and fondness finding its way back into your smile, Spencer noticed.

'Outside of Shakespeare though, I'll admit... I was a theatre kid.'

'No way!' Spencer exclaimed. 'You?'

'Why is it so unbelievable that I used to dress up and spout lines that no one really understood?' you asked, but you weren't offended. Simply amused that you seemed to have stunned the (until now) un-stunnable Dr. Spencer Reid.

'Because... it's just so left of field from anyone else in the team.'

'And is that a bad thing?'

'...not at all,' he said after a moment, and then proceeded to drop the matter entirely. Spencer Reid never forgets anything, he couldn't forget, not with his eidetic memory. But he made extra special care to file that little fact about you away for now.

A few days after returning home from wrapping that case up, you came into work to find your coffee already made on your desk, and beside it was an envelope. Curious, you swiftly opened the envelope and gasped with pure surprise at what you found.

'I thought you might like them,' Spencer said as he approached you, his own coffee in hand. 'The ticket vendor said they were the best seats in the house.'

'Oh my God, Spencer!' You couldn't help yourself, you leapt onto the gangly man like a frog and held him tighter than you'd ever hugged someone before, avoiding spilling Spencer's coffee. You were so excited you even smacked a fat, grateful kiss on his unsuspecting cheek before letting him go. 'Tickets to ASC's production of The Tempest?! How did you even get these, I was told they were all gone.'

'Believe it or not, I have connections everywhere,' Spencer answered a bit too vaguely but you didn't care. 'Even in areas that aren't of my particular expertise. I figured you and a friend could go enjoy it before it finishes up.'

'You mean you're not coming?'

Spencer tried not to read into it too much, but he swore he heard a little hiccup in your question, like you were upset. 'W-Well, I, I, uh, didn't want to assume anything. I mean, y-you might want to take JJ, or Emily-

'Spencer.' It was ridiculous how easy he listened when you said his name, how he dropped everything to listen to what you had to say whenever you did. And his heart faltered when he made eye contact with you and saw joy and hope lighting up your eyes. 'Would you like to come to the show with me?'

And it wasn't any wonder, then, that he replied without hesitation, 'Y-Yeah! All right, s-sure. Would love to.'

'Amazing!' Spencer once again had to juggle his coffee and you as you squeezed all the air out of him in another bone-crushing hug. 'Spencer Reid, you have just made my day.'

It was a week later and the night of the performance. You drove yourself and Spencer two and a half hours straight from Quantico down to Staunton to the American Shakespeare Centre, reciting and recalling your favourite Shakespearean moments the whole trip.

Spencer made the extreme effort to look presentable, pulling out a nice suit set, even replacing his usual casual sneakers with some shiny boots. His hair was slicked back out of his face, with only the slightest stubble on his chin and upper lip.

When you picked him up, you said he looked handsome. He never cared much for his appearance, but that comment warmed his heart slightly, made him sit more upright in his seat.

Once you pulled up and got out of the car, he finally saw you in all your glory. A navy blue dress clung to your frame beautifully; kitten heels cradled your feet as you walked up the stairs to the theatre's entrance; your jewellery brought out the (e/c) in your eyes, even further accentuated by your simple makeup and hair.

Spencer has met Nobel price winners, attorney generals, even spoken with the most psychotic people humanity has to offer. And yet there you stood - ethereal, angelic, striking him silent with just your presence.

'You coming, Boy Wonder?'

You'd reached the top the stairs without him moving a muscle. Embarrassed, he tried to cover it up with a cough as he scrambled to catch up with you. 'Boy Wonder? Where did that come from?'

You shrugged playfully as you hooked your arm through his. 'Just seemed appropriate.'

'I'm twenty-seven, (y/n). I'm hardly a boy.'

'Oh, so would you prefer I call you Batman?'

Spencer raised a quizzical eyebrow. 'I didn't know you liked DC comics.'

'There's a lot you still don't know about me, Spencer Reid,' you answered, handing over your tickets to the ticket vendor at the door. 'Like how I've always preferred Robin over Batman, anyway.'

You quickly found your seats, and Spencer tried not to acknowledge how tight-knit the seats were pressed together. His thigh pressed lightly against your own, and he couldn't tell if he hated or liked the feeling that suddenly sprouted in his gut.

It distracted him so much that instead of watching the performance, he looked at you. How you reacted to each sonnet, to the entrance of new characters, to the costuming and the music and emotion that filled the room with every word spoken. He watched it all, your joy, your love. Your heart was on your face, and it struck something new and unexplored inside him.

You cried at one point, and physical touch wasn't his forte, but he intertwined his fingers with yours and gave them a reassuring squeeze that he was there. You'd turned to him briefly and nodded, showing that you understood and that you were grateful.

You didn't let go of his hand for the rest of the show.

'Wow,' you breathed out as you exited the theatre, the performance finally done. 'That was...'

'Yeah. I feel the same,' Spencer finished, his hands shoved into his pockets as they walked down the stairs towards the carpark. His hand still burned from your touch, and that unsure feeling in his gut still remained.

'It was just so... magical.'

'I would say impressive, but magical works too, I guess.'

'Says the guy who still goes trick-or-treating on Halloween and believes in ghosts. Don't tell me you don't believe in the supernatural now.'

'I'm not saying I don't believe. I'm just saying that it's impressive that they were able to make fantastical magic seem slightly realistic.'

You playfully shove him, causing you both to fall into laughter. The two different melodies mixing together made Spencer feel lighter than he'd felt in a while. This was different to when you usually hung out. This time, there was no case, no team, nothing but yourselves to worry about.

'It doesn't matter, anyways,' you said, stopping on the steps suddenly. Spencer went down one more before stopping too. You smiled gratefully at him. It was a cool, autumn night, cool enough that your breath danced like ghosts in front of you as you spoke. 'Thank you, Spence. This was a wonderful night. You didn't have to do this.'

'I know,' he said, and it startled him how quiet and soft his voice was. 'I just... I just wanted you to enjoy the stuff you love. You deserve to enjoy the stuff you love.'

His acute eyes fell to your shoulders and noticed the slight shake in them. 'Here.' He wasted no time pulling his jacket off and wrapping it around your shoulders, pulling it tight to capture the warmth.

You gratefully held onto the jacket, the warmth it captured seeping into your eyes. 'You truly are a wonder, Spencer,' you said, your words dancing in between you two.

He was only the step down now, making you two eye level with one another. He was so close he could see himself in your eyes. He wondered if you could see yourself in his.

'Am I?' he asked, his breath mixing with yours.

'Yeah...'

He felt your warmth, and he suddenly decided that he liked the feeling in his gut. The one that had been driving him crazy all night. The one that had an iron grip on his mind, his heart. The one that pulled him closer to you, to your lips.

His eyes were almost closed and his lips almost on yours. You didn't back away - you didn't want to back away you realised. No matter how hard your heart pounded in your chest. No matter if he was your best friend.

So you leaned in too, and you could just feel the stars and planets align as you tasted his breath-

The front of your heel slipped on the edge of the step, sending you flying forwards into Spencer's chest. His reflexes had improved immensely since joining the BAU, and so he managed to grab hold of you and hold himself up before your momentum could send you both tumbling down the remaining stairs.

You both breathed in heavy gulps of air, steadying both your hearts from what could've happened.

'Nice catch,' you said after a moment, loosening your grip on Spencer only a little.

'Thanks.' He didn't know where to look. You, the ground, his surroundings. It all just felt muddled, as if his whole world had been tilted on its axis.

In a sense, it had.

But he felt your gaze, and he couldn't deny your eyes so he looked at you also. You eyes were blown wide, and the slight catch in your breath had him second guessing himself. Maybe he'd read you wrong after all. He'd never been wrong before, but there was always a first time for everything, he figured.

'(Y/n), look, I-'

Before he could attempt to salvage himself, the irritating ring of his phone went off, breaking the glass dome of solitude you'd' forged together with nothing but words and air.

This forced you apart, awkwardly so, as Spencer readjusted you on his step before letting you go completely and fishing his phone out of his pant pocket. He checked the ID caller: Hotch.

He accepted the call and brought the phone to his ear. 'Hotch, what's up?'

'New case,' the unit chief answered without pleasantries. 'I know we're all meant to be off for the weekend but this one is important.'

'Where is it and we'll be there.'

'You're with (Y/n), right? In Staunton?'

'Yeah, why?'

'Head to the local police. We'll meet you there. That's where the case is.'

'Okay. Gotcha.'

Hotch ended the call and then it was just him and you once more. Although instead of the air feeling freeing and warming, Spencer couldn't seem to get enough in his lungs. It was like he was suffocating, having to face you again.

So he slipped into work mode, keeping Hotch's urgency and the new case in the forefront of his mind. 'New case. Here in Staunton. Hotch wants us to head down to the police and meet them there.'

'Right.' You seemed to think the same as him - it's probably why you were best friends to begin with - as the ethereal light in your eyes dimmed with the severity of the new situation. Without another word, you both bee-lined for the car, jumped in, and made your way to the local police station.

But for the rest of the case, Spencer couldn't help but think about that moment with you on the steps. He'd kissed before, of course, even dabbled in flirting despite how little he knew about the craft. He'd never imagined he'd attempt it all on you, however. Not even in his wildest dreams.

~

He didn't hear your heart-stopping compliment again until it was almost too late.

After the Staunton case, you and Spencer had been... odd. Well, mainly Spencer, as he spoke as little as possible to you during cases, and always offered to go with anyone else but you on certain tasks. He even stopped coming over to yours for movie night each Saturday, claiming each time to be busy or unwell. It was Spencer's only way of ensuring nothing like that night ever happened again.

He convinced himself the moment was fleeting, just a mixture of chemicals in his brain combined with the adrenaline of being with a beautiful women he very much admired that made him read the signs wrong. You were friends, that was all you were, and all he would ever allow you to be.

This went on for three months.

And you were miserable.

Emily, JJ and Penelope recognised the change in your demeanour at work first, and when they found out the reason behind it, they slapped Spencer upside the head on their way out of the office one Friday afternoon and took you with them, promising a wonderful night out on the town.

That night, to Spencer's eventual annoyance, you'd met someone. A charming young firefighter named Riley who lived in Washington DC and was just in town to see family.

That night, you hooked up. And the next morning, he asked you on a date. That date led to another, then more. You were on your way to another one tonight when you got a phone call from JJ saying they found the latest unsub's house and were planning a raid on it.

Spencer knew you were on a date when he also got the phone call to come along. Despite his distance (by his own choice, he always had to remind himself), he kept tabs on you, checked in on you via others. And while the girls of the team were awfully mad at him, they always answered him when he asked how you were doing.

'You know, for a genius, you really are quite stupid,' JJ told him when he asked about you.

He quirked his eyebrow, genuinely confused. 'I'm sorry?'

'She's heartbroken,' Penelope added. 'Her best friend just gives her the silent treatment out of nowhere after what sounded like a magical night at the theatre. Who wouldn't be upset by that, Reid?'

'I just,' he paused, rallying his thoughts into words that couldn't quite describe how he felt. 'It's complicated.'

'Love shouldn't be complicated, Reid,' Emily interjected, a soft but sad smile gracing her painted lips.

Spencer swallowed thickly at that. 'W-What do you mean?'

Derek finished making his coffee and took a sip of it before answering. 'We all see it, Reid. You don't have to deny anymore how you feel.'

'I'm not denying anything, Morgan.'

'Maybe not to us,' Derek continued. 'But you are definitely denying it to yourself. All I can say is don't wait until it's too late. She's already slipping away.'

That's when Spencer found out about your dates with Riley, and an ugly, selfish, hurt part of him wanted to scream with anger. Mainly at himself, but the damage was done and he had to get over you.

But when you showed up to the unsub's home, your FBI bullet-proof vest on and mascara slightly smeared under your eyes, he was beyond confused. And concerned.

'You're here,' he stated matter-of-factly.

'You sound surprised,' you answered stiffly, loading your gun without even glancing at him.

'To be honest, yeah. JJ and the rest all said you were out tonight. I figured you-'

'What? That I would ignore the call because I had something personal planned?' You finally looked up at him, and man did your cold stare pierce him like an arrow. 'This is my job, Spence. I knew, same as you and everyone else, that I would have to make some sacrifices to do it. So please, don't think so little of me just because I attempted to have a life outside of it.'

He grew more concerned at your choice of words. 'Attempted?' he asked, but then he looked closely at your smeared mascara, at the redness circling your eyes. Like you'd been crying-

'Don't worry about it,' you muttered, brushing past him to meet up with the team. 'You haven't for about four months now.'

Spencer tried to ignore the sting your words brought with them as he followed you to the rest of the team, forcing himself to put the case in front of you. But he'd done that for the past four months as you had so brightly pointed out, and look where it had landed him.

'Now remember,' Hotch started, bringing the team and some other officers in to brief, 'this unsub may use this place as his base to build his bombs, but don't discredit the idea that he wouldn't blow it up to save himself. Tread carefully but be vigilant, he is in the house somewhere. Now move.'

Spencer followed you into the house through the front door, gun and flashlight at the ready. All that could be heard were the soft but swift patter of footsteps as the FBI and local police ran in. The lights were on, but no unsub.

You were silently directed by Hotch to investigate the back end of the house, to which Spencer and Derek followed. You focussed on maintaining your breathing as you tried not to think about your date, Spencer, your heart thrashing in your ribcage. Only the unsub mattered.

The three of you broke into the last room of the house, the laundry. Upon entry, you spotted him, the unsub, running out the back door into the backyard.

'Hey!' you called out, immediately breaking into a sprint after him. You broke out of the laundry onto a cemented path towards a clothes line, chasing after him towards the fence line. But as you stepped off the path and onto the grass, something gave way beneath your feet, followed by a resounding click that had your freezing with fear.

'(L/n), keep going!' Derek shouted from somewhere behind you.

'Hold up!' you cried, throwing an arm back behind you. 'I think the yard is full of bombs.'

'Well, let's go around the front and get him in the back streets, come on!'

'I can't,' you replied back, slightly breathless from running, but also from the fear constricting now your airways.

'Why?' You didn't have to see him to know it was Spencer, concern dripping from just one word.

'Because I'm standing on one.'

Spencer knew it was physically impossible, but he was sure his stomach just dropped out of him and onto the bomb-littered grass around them. This was bad. Like very very bad.

'Shit,' Derek breathed out before bringing his wrist up to his mouth. 'Hotch, the unsub got away over the back fence, send some men to intercept him two blocks north from here.'

'Got it,' Hotch answered efficiently.

'And send the bomb squad out here. Yard is like a mine field and (L/n) is standing on one.'

After that, it didn't take long for the rest of the team to run outside, making extra careful to stand only on the pavements as they got as close to you as they could. Spencer stood the closest, standing directly in front of you as the bomb squad swept the yard for the rest of them.

'I've got some good news and some bad news,' one member of the bomb squad said as she came up to the team. 'Good news is it's the only bomb in the yard.'

'And I just managed to find it. Super,' you muttered, your tone shaky although the intention was to lighten the mood.

'Bad news is it's a pressure-triggered bomb, meaning that if you move even a fraction it'll go off. Also, by stepping on it, you've set of a timer until it explodes. The only way to disarm it seems to be a code of some kind.'

'How long do we have?' Spencer asked, not bothering to mask his desperation. This couldn't be happening. Of all the people, it had to be you.

'Six hours now,' she said grimly. 'My team and I will do everything we can to dismantle it and shut it off manually, but it's built quite strong so it'll be tough to crack open without setting it off. Your best bet will be to get an answer from your bomber.'

'Uniforms just called in,' Rossi said. 'They're bringing him in now.'

'Good,' Hotch said with a ferocity that would send most people running for the hills. 'He's gonna give us that code one way or another.' He turned to you, determination blazing in his eyes. 'Hang tight, (Y/n). We're gonna get you off that thing.'

'I'll hold you to that,' you joked, and you were grateful to receive a soft smile in return from Hotch and the rest of the team. Except for Spencer, he couldn't find it in himself to smile. He could barely think no thanks to your dangerous position.

'I'll stay with (Y/n),' Spencer said, his voice strained compared to his usual calmness.

'Reid,' Derek started, 'you're our best bet to crack open this guy. If we find something-'

'Then I'll have my phone ready to pick up. I'm not leaving her.'

It surprised you the strength you heard hidden underneath his fear. It was there in his eyes too, blazing like Hotch's, except with more warmth, more determination.

Derek looked to Hotch, and Hotch just nodded. 'Okay fine, but you better pick up on the first ring.'

'Promise.'

'I'll stay to help with the bomb squad,' Emily said while also looking at you.

'No,' you said as Hotch, Derek and JJ left. 'You all should go. In case he somehow remotely sets it off himself.'

'We're not leaving,' Reid said firmly, making eye contact with you. 'Not until you're off that bomb, you hear me?'

You wanted to argue, trying to be selfless and strong. But the truth was you were terrified, and to hear Spencer's strength where you lacked helped you push your pride aside and nod in agreement.

Time had flown by and it was now the last ten minutes. Spencer had received phone call after phone call but nothing had been helpful. They'd tried two potential codes already but they didn't work. The bomb squad quickly realised that they only had three chances to get the code right and so they were down to the last chance.

'You guys should really leave,' you said amidst your chattering teeth. It was now just after midnight and your thin button up and the bulletproof vest were not cutting it anymore. Spencer wished he could give you a blanket, a jacket, his own shirt for God's sake if it would keep you warm slightly.

'That's not going to happen,' he answered without hesitation.

You yawned, eyes threatening to droop close. Your legs had gone numb long ago. You were unsure how you were holding yourself up. It certainly wasn't by adrenaline. Perhaps you were frozen in place.

'I mean it, Spence,' you said, bracing yourself as another shiver threatened to spasm your entire body. 'It's the last ten minutes. You should be clear in case it goes off.'

'I'm not going to do that.'

'Damnit, Spencer. Of all the times to be stubborn, you choose now?'

'I'm not being stubborn,' Spencer argued. Were you purposefully trying to tick him off now? 'I'm trying to save your life!'

'You're right, you're not being stubborn. You're being plain stupid,' you retorted. You weren't sure why you were suddenly so angry, you just didn't like him playing the hero when he didn't have to.

'Yes! I am stupid, I admit that. I'll announce that to the entire neighbourhood right now if you want me to! Because if it weren't for me being an idiot, you wouldn't have had those dates, you wouldn't have had a date tonight, and maybe you wouldn't be stuck standing on a bomb right now!'

You stared incredulously at Spencer. He blamed himself for your situation? For Riley?

Despite the bustling of people around them, everything grew silent as youO stared at one another, Spencer's chest heaving as he sucked in air hard.

'Spence,' you said softly, your anger suddenly dissipating. 'I don't blame you for any of this. I would've ended up on this bomb one way or another. Or even worse, it could've been you standing on it. And as for Riley...' You thought the tears would come up again like before, but your eyes remained dry, and your heart didn't pull harshly.

Not for Riley, anyways.

'Did something happen between you two?' Spencer tentatively asked. His tone bordered on concerned and hopeful, demonstrating his torn mindset to whatever you were about to say.

You nodded. 'I told him I had to go to work, which wasn't unusual, but he just flipped. Said he was sick of me choosing you guys over him and that he was finished.'

He hated himself for feeling the slightest bit happy at the news, but his best friend instincts kicked in, and all he wanted to do was reach out and hold you. 'I'm sorry. You could've said no. We would've understood-'

'Spencer, I will always choose you guys over anyone,' you interjected, and the complete seriousness on your face reflected your sincerity brighter than the full moon above. 'I will always choose you, Spence.'

It was then Spencer saw it: the same feeling he'd had swirling in his stomach for months reflected in your eyes. It scared him, but what scared him more was that it would all be gone soon if he didn't do anything about it.

He would be too late, just like Derek said.

The bomb squad lady and Emily walked up to them both, and Spencer did not like the grim expressions on their faces.

'I'm sorry,' the bomb squad lady said. 'It's the last five minutes. There's nothing else we can do but clear out of the blast zone.'

'What about the code?' Spencer pressed, but Emily shook her head.

'Reid, they've gotten nothing out of him. We've got to go.'

'But we can't just leave her here-'

'Trust me, Spencer, I don't want to either!' Emily cried, tears pricking at her eyes at the thought of you dying. 'But we can't do anything for her here. I've got the remote to input the code if they get another one, but until then, we've got to clear from the blast zone.'

'No.' Spencer shook his head vigourously. He couldn't accept this. He wouldn't accept this.

'Spencer,' you tried gently. 'It's okay. I can do the rest alone. I want you to be safe.'

'Well, too bad, because I'm staying.'

You squeezed your eyes shut as tears rushed down your cheeks. 'Damnit, Spencer. Please, just go. Don't make this harder than it already is.'

Spencer took a daring step towards you, the tops of his shoes dangling just over the edge of the pavement. 'I won't abandon you. Not again.'

You were most likely a blubbering mess, your heart hurting so much at the thought that he would get caught up in your mess. 'God, why don't you just leave-'

'Because I love you, (Y/n)!'

The four of you stood dumbfounded as his proclamation echoed through the yard, the house, the street back out the front. Hell, Spencer hoped the whole world heard what he said, because he felt free for the first time in months, weightless, powerful.

And it was all because of you.

'I love you,' he repeated again, softer this time. As the reality of the situation came crashing down on him, tears of his own sprouted in his eyes and ran down his cheeks. He'd finally built up the courage to tell you, and you were minutes away from being blown up.

Through your tears, you find it in yourself to chuckle a little. It's watery and gross-sounding, but Spencer likes it none the less because it's yours, and you haven't lost complete hope. 'Talk about great timing, you big idiot.' And then there it is, that bright smile he saw day one in the office. You wore it with such pride, such strength it pulled at Spencer's heart strings painfully. 'You truly are a wonder, Spencer Reid.'

'One minute,' the bomb squad lady said, her tone frantic now. 'We've got to move! Now!'

'Reid, come on!' Emily cried, backing up with the bomb squad.

'I won't abandon her,' he replied, never taking his eyes off you.

'Reid please!'

Before he could reply, though, his phone buzzed, and he immediately answered the call. 'Please tell me you go it.'

'HOME! The code word is HOME!'

'Punch in HOME!' Reid called out to Emily, keeping Derek on the line as he stared at you. If you were to die, he was gonna make damn sure the last thing you saw wasn't an unfamiliar face.

'Are you sure?'

'We're out of time! Do it!'

'Spence...' you muttered. But you never finished your sentence, as your breath got caught while watching Emily punch in the code into the device. You closed your eyes. Soon you would be in eternal darkness. You would not fear it, but embrace it.

But when nothing happened, you dared to sneak a peek at what was going on. You saw Spencer first, who looked at Emily, who looked at the device in her hands. The deathly silence was finally broken at the sound of a green light on the device switching on. You then heard a hundred tiny clicks somewhere underfoot and felt yourself being pushed up back onto level ground.

Spencer finally looked back to you, eyes blown wide with hope he dared not realise. That same hope fuelled your frozen, tired legs, to take the tiniest of steps forward, and when nothing happened, you took your other foot off the bomb and collapsed forward into Spencer's arms.

His heart pounded faster than the jet that flew them all over the country every week as he cradled you simultaneously gently and tightly. You sobbed into his chest, your arms circling around his back and pulling him as tight as possible.

Oh, how he had missed your touch, your affection, your love, you.

'It's okay, you're okay,' he soothed, patting your hair down with one hand while he cradled you with the other. 'I'm here. We're all here.' He realised suddenly he'd dropped his phone, and so with one hand, he reached down and picked it up, bringing it to his ear. 'She's off.'

He barely heard the cheers of excitement and relief on Derek's end before he was hanging up and helping you to your feet. After that, it was a whirlwind of the bomb squad excavating the bomb, paramedics arriving, and CSU investigating the house.

After giving his statement of events to the local police and finishing speaking to other officials, he found you wrapped in a trauma blanket in the open back of an ambulance.

'How are you feeling?' he said as he approached you.

You broke free of your own world to look at Spencer, and a soft smile managed its way onto your lips. 'Well, I can feel my legs again so that's a start. And you?'

'All the better now that you're not standing on a bomb.'

You chuckled, though a red tinge dusted your cheeks out of embarrassment. 'I must admit, it's true what they say about your life flashing before your eyes the moment before you die.'

'Really? What did you see?' Spencer had read articles about this kind of stuff before, but had never spoken with a person who'd experience it themselves.

You didn't answer straight away, instead standing up to face him fully. Your legs felt like jelly a little but you stood strong. 'I saw you,' you replied easily, as if breathing air. 'Only you.'

Spencer couldn't hold it back, his fear, his relief. It all came bubbling out in an ugly sob as he pulled you into a bone-crushing hug, pressing his face into your hair, using your scent to calm himself. He felt you sobbing too, how your body shook with your own anxieties.

'I missed you,' you said, your words muffled into his chest.

'I know, I'm sorry,' he murmured. 'I missed you, too.' He pulled you back slightly so that he could see your face. He wiped at your tears and forced his best smile just for you. 'But I'm back now. And I'm not going anywhere. That is... if you want me around.'

You heard his silent question, and it made you smile how confident and shy he could be simultaneously.

'Spencer Reid,' you murmured, like what you were about to say next was your biggest secret, 'of course I want you around. I love you.'

He chuckled with relief, tears still pricking at his eyes. But your words sealed your fate, as he used his small amount of confidence to grab the back of your neck gently and pull your lips to his.

You were the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted, and dare he compare you the most addictive drug he could ever hope to get high on. He couldn't get enough of you, and it was such a relief to finally let it out how much he needed you to breathe.

You were equally breathless, simultaneously feeling all consumed by Spencer's love without also having enough of it. Your fingers danced in the soft curls at the nape of his neck, threading yourself into him as much as possible. The truth was, the past four months were torturous.

'I'm not going anywhere.'

As you both finally broke apart, you pressed your foreheads together, nervous giggles of teenagers bubbling up in you both. This was fresh and new, but the love you had for one another had been there all along. No one was going anywhere.

'Finally!'

You and Spencer looked up to see the rest of the team watching from afar, with Emily and JJ smiling giddily, Derek and Rossi trying to suppress laughter, and Hotch having the simplest of grins on his lips.

'Oh, babygirl is going to have a field day when she hears about this,' Derek said, walking up to clap Spencer on the back and give him a hug. 'Well done, man.'

'It's about time,' Rossi said as the rest of the team joined you both. 'I thought I was going to have to take matters into my own hands.'

'Thank God you didn't,' Emily said, both her and JJ giving you a hug. 'As much as this has been traumatic for all of us, I'm so glad it brought you back together.'

'Say that to my poor legs,' you whined, but you hugged them just as tight. Truthfully, you felt the same. And as Reid held you in his arms that night, having refused to let you out of his sight after your brush with death, you couldn't be more grateful for it, too.

~

Your wedding was the next major point in his life that your words had impact.

The past five years leading up to your engagement had been some of the best and challenging in your life. There'd been many more close calls on both your lives since then - kidnappings, hostage situations, deadly viruses, the works. Even some romantic challenges that came in the form of other men and women.

But your bond ran deeper than superficial, petty spiffs. You always found your way back to one another, no matter how dark the road got. It was even on such a dark case that saw both you and Spencer on death row that he asked you. You'd both been captured and locked in a shipping container filled with no gaps for air and no way out. Before that, you'd copped a beating from your capture, forcing Spencer to watch all the while. Truthfully, it hadn't looked good, and that's why Spencer did it.

'What?' you asked deliriously, barely able to see straight no thanks to the lack of oxygen.

'I was planning on asking you... after this case,' Spencer admitted, his face mere centimetres from yours as he held you in a tight hug. He was breathless, running out of air and time it seemed. He had to do it now. 'Had it all planned out... We would go to that place on the hill we go to... a picnic all set out... and just as the sun would set, I'd ask you... and give you this.'

You would've gasped if you'd had enough air to do so, in utter shock to see Spencer pull out a simple gold band with a diamond embedded in it from in his pant pocket.

'I've had this for months... waiting for the... right time,' he managed to get out. 'It's my mothers. When I told her I wanted to marry you... she didn't even hesitate to give it to me.'

You were both weak, but he softly picked your left hand up and looked you dead in the eye. 'This might be it for us, but it also might not. Either way, I want to be yours for whatever time we have left. So, (Y/n) (L/n)... will you marry me?'

The tears that trekked down your face actually cleared your vision enough to see Spencer's smile clearly as you answered, 'Yes. I will marry you.'

Either some higher being was looking out for you that day, or your team was just really good at their job (Spencer never doubted them for a moment), but the team found you both in time, both unconscious and barely breathing, but hand in hand, with yours suddenly bejewelled.

Since then it had been a flurry of work and wedding arrangements and stress over the next seven months. Many speculated you were pregnant and that's why you and Spencer rushed the wedding. The truth was you just didn't want to wait any longer than you had to, not being in your line of work. Any day could be your last, so why waste it.

Spencer messed with the tie of his navy blue suit for the hundredth time as he stood waiting under the arch of flowers in the backyard of Rossi's mansion for you. He wasn't nervous, just... ansty, like he had ants in his pants and wanted to get out of them as soon as possible. But he couldn't deny he was just as excited for this day as you were. All of your friends and family dressed up, no case, no killer, nothing but what dessert they were going to have at the reception to worry about.

'Hey pretty boy,' Derek said, coming up behind him and clapping a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. 'Stop messing with it. You look fine.'

'I know, I just...' Spencer couldn't put into words what he was feeling, not as he stared at his good friend - his best man. Even though Derek had left the BAU, Spencer and him still spoke regularly, and he was more than happy to be there for his best bud at arguably the most important day of his life.

Derek smiled knowingly, straightening Spencer's tie because that's what the best man did for the groom. 'She loves you, Spencer. You've got nothing to worry about.'

'I'm not worried. I just...' He felt the tears already coming on and he hadn't even seen you yet. You were probably even more gorgeous than you already were. God he couldn't wait to marry you.

'I get it, man,' Derek said, and then the piano started playing a soft, whimsical tune that was so you and he stepped back into place. 'Show time, pretty boy.'

Spencer straightened himself up, told himself to hold the tears back. This was not a sad day, but a joyous one. But his breath was stolen the moment the doors of Rossi's mansion opened, after Emily, JJ and Penelope walked through, and you walked out into the backyard on your father's arm.

Your gown was simple, accentuating your body like the goddess you were. Your (h/c) locks were styled to perfection, hidden barely by the thin veil that fell like morning mist over your face. You held your favourite flowers in your hands, the glint of your engagement ring shining as bright as the sun that shone upon the whole ceremony.

By the time you reached him, Spencer was about ready to rip your veil off, kiss the living daylights out of you and runaway. But he resisted, instead waiting patiently for your dad to flip your veil up, and for you to hand over your bouquet to JJ, your maid of honour. When you finally turned to face him, he could've cried. You were so beautiful. And we was marrying you today.

You reached out to him, and he was more than glad to clasp your hands at last.

'Hi,' you whispered, a nervous but excited smile twitching your lips.

'Hi,' he whispered back, the threat of tears burning the back of his eyes again. 'You are gorgeous.'

'Thanks. You look handsome.'

'It's a wonder what a whole eight hours sleep and showering more than once a week can do.'

He was so glad to hear your laugh. It calmed his nerves, and apparently yours calmed too, as your hands no longer shook in his.

'All right, everyone,' Rossi started, stepping up to minister the ceremony. 'Let's get this started.'

The boring, ceremonious stuff went by quickly and soon you were reciting your vows. You'd both wanted to write your own vows for each other - agreeing that the usual script was not enough to express your love for one another, and what you would do to protect that love.

Reid went first.

'(Y/n),' he began, staring you straight in your eyes. He'd written his speech over and over again, but once he found the right words, it only took him a matter of seconds to memorise them. Forever. 'I've always been told I was different. Gifted, special. Being different helped me get this job, this family-' he turned to his friends, who watched them with bright smiles and teary eyes. 'But it also got me in trouble, held me back from experiencing... normal things like friendship, even love. So much so, that I started to believe... I was unworthy of love.'

You squeezed his hands, hearing the stutter in his words, the built up emotion that threatened to consume him. He gratefully squeezed back, grateful to know he was not alone, that he would never be alone from this day forth.

'But from the day I met you, you've shown me that I can be myself and be worthy of love. Theoretically, we shouldn't work. Despite popular opinion, studies have shown that people from different backgrounds, with different interests and completely different personality traits are less likely to feel attracted to one another than people with similar backgrounds, interests and personalities.'

'Come on, Reid. You really want people to sleep through your wedding?' Derek asked, prompting you and the rest of the guests to burst into laughter.

'I have a point,' he countered, and waited for the laughter to die down before resuming his vows. 'And while I usually rely on statistics and facts to make informed decisions about my life, from the day that I met you, you turned my entire world upside, inside out... and I didn't care. Because despite knowing almost everything there is to know about, well, everything, you are the one thing that has and always will make sense to me.'

He saw you trying to hold back tears, so he let go of one of your hands to caress your cheek where some tears rolled down. He swiped them away gently with his thumb without ruining your makeup, the most handsome, beautiful smile you'd ever seen on his lips.

'I love you, (Y/n) (L/n). I have loved you since we first met, at every case, at every movie night, every time you made me coffee. I love how you find the light amidst the darkness, how you give yourself completely to everyone you meet. I love the crinkle in your forehead every time you get mad at me. I love all of you, and I don't have to promise you that I will stay by your side through it all for the rest of our lives. You have had me since day one, and that will never change, even in death. But before that final day comes, I look forward to making the most of what time we have left loving you.'

The guests clapped so loudly that he almost didn't hear your soft sobs. But he did, and he pulled you into a quick hug before you pulled yourself away.

'Oh my goodness, I just want to kiss you,' you admitted quietly to him, bringing laughter out of him. But you quickly pulled your self away, using your free hand to grab an A4-sized piece of paper from JJ and return to face Spencer.

'Unfortunately, I don't have an eidetic memory so I will be using some assistance for this next bit,' you joked, stopping your flow of tears briefly as everyone chuckled, appreciative for the break in overwhelming emotions. Spencer breathed in deeply, steadying his heartbeat as much as possible. His part was done, but he knew this next part would be the hardest to retain composure.

'Spencer,' you began, one hand shakily holding your vows, while the other gripped onto Spencer like your life depended on it. In a sense, after today, it would. 'From the moment I first met you, I knew you were special. That you would leave a mark on my life in one form or another. Some sad part of me sometimes thought it would be when you inevitably shot yourself because you couldn't pass your marksman test after three goes-' Cue Spencer looking to Hotch apologetically while the rest of the guests laughed. '-or because, in our line of work, any day could be our last, and I wouldn't rule out any psychopaths intervening with that. However, despite it all, you're still here, and I couldn't be more thankful that you are. You amaze me everyday, Spencer - with your knowledge of the world, your intellectual insight, how you are almost incapable of growing any substantial amount of facial hair.'

You were glad people were laughing now, because what you were about to say next was going to take all your composure not to fall apart.

'But it is your heart and your ability to connect with people that has captured me completely. Our story has been... unconventional, to put it plainly. We were colleagues first, then friends, then you became my best friend, and I thought I couldn't be happier than that. But maybe it has something to do with some chemicals in the brain that are stimulated when you hang around someone you admire and adore long enough - you know, science stuff - or fate. I don't necessarily believe in either, but I do believe in us, Spencer. I believe that we are two souls choosing to become one for the rest of our lives; I believe you are my person, and the one I choose to face each and everyday with; I believe we haven't overcome all that we have for nothing; and I am not the least bit surprised it took nearly getting blown up to admit how I truly feel about you.'

Spencer couldn't care that what you said about brain chemicals was technically incorrect, it was so you, and there was not a dry eye in the backyard as you looked up at him finally, sheet long forgotten, and (e/c) eyes shining bright with tears and love.

'I love you, Spencer Reid,' you said breathlessly, but loud enough for everyone to hear. 'You have experienced the worst of humanity over and over again, and yet here you stand with me, smiling, happy, choosing to believe in happy endings. You are a wonder - my wonder - and I can't wait to spend everyday from now loving you, and being wowed by you. From now... until I cannot breathe, and even then beyond.'

You gave the paper back to JJ, then returned your full attention to Spencer. It was like it was only you two, the clapping from your guests dulled as well as Rossi's final words. But Spencer didn't miss a beat when he heard him say, 'By the power vested in me and my online-approved minister credentials, I pronounce you husband and wife. Go on kids, you've earned it.'

Spencer swooped you into the sweetest, loving kiss he could muster, gently cradling your neck and cheeks as your lips met in a soft collision. It wasn't lustful (that would certainly come later), but it was consuming, like two forces being pulled together by a magnet. You were separate entities choosing to become one, and it made you smile through your kiss and for the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening.

You both partied with your family and friends, but you always managed to find your way back to one another despite the chaos. He now cradled you gently as you swayed together on the dance floor, fatigue settling in. You held each other up as you did, content to just be with each other in the final moments of your special day. Emily, your new section chief, had ordered you both take two weeks off to celebrate your honey moon. Because God knew when the next time you'd be able to relax would be when you both came back to work.

You shifted in his arms, manoeuvring yourself to look up at him, a delirious, tired and happy smile adorning your pretty lips. 'I love you, Spencer Reid.'

He leaned in for a brief but loving kiss before saying, 'I love you, (Y/n) Reid.'

Something about how his last named paired with your first name sounded that warmed him inside. The same feeling lit up in your eyes, but maybe that was just the happy tears that formed there, too.

'We're the Reids now,' you whispered in disbelief, probably due to the amount of alcohol you had consumed throughout the day. 'You're my husband!'

'Yes I am,' he murmured, pulling you back to his chest to lay your head. 'Forever and always.'

~

The last time he heard you say those special words was the day you said goodbye.

It wasn't until you fell pregnant with your first child that you found a proper house to live in. You'd been content with the studio apartment you'd found and moved into one year into your relationship, but when you fell pregnant, Spencer knew you would need a bigger space. One that you could call your own and make a home out of.

Your forever home.

Surprisingly, it hadn't taken long to find something: a nice rustic, two-storey house on the outskirts of DC. It was in a nice neighbourhood , far enough out of the city to be quiet, but close enough you could both get to work quick enough in case of an emergency. The moment you'd laid eyes on it, you fell in love with it, and Spencer knew without question this would be where you brought your family up.

He traipsed through the house with two cups of tea. Coffee had started to disagree with him after he quit the BAU, as if that were the only place he needed it. Teaching and guest lecturing at all the local universities was nowhere near the stress level of the BAU, and so he'd switched to tea. Somehow, in his (as he called it) pre-retirement, it tasted sweeter.

You had stepped down from being a profiler at the BAU after your third child was born, realising that with a four and two year old waiting outside the birth suite to meet their baby brother, you couldn't risk leaving your three babies without a mother. And while leaving the BAU, your home of close to twenty years, wrought a grief out of you that was close to unbearable, you knew it was the right decision and right time.

And you soon found a love for writing - fiction, non-fiction, poetry, it didn't matter. What you'd experienced in your career as a profiler had changed you, and sometimes writing it out made it less haunting, it gave you closure. You went on book tours, consulted on scholarly and literary journals, you even were brought into Spencer's classrooms to guest lecture from time to time.

All the while building and loving the family both of you had always dreamed of.

Spencer smiled at the dusty pictures that lined the walls, of the faces of his children and grandchildren smiling back him. Of the faces of friends old and new, of ghosts he used to know from a time long gone. Sometimes he hardly recognised himself in those pictures. He wasn't the vain type, but when he looked at himself in his 20's and 30's, he couldn't help the yearning that pulled at his heart when he did.

He compared those youthful pictures against his present day, laughing at the barely existent grey stubble he now sported, of the white hair that curled and stood up in any and all directions, of the glasses he now permanently had to wear. You always said he looked sexier with glasses, anyways, so he didn't mind.

Those pictures were his memory, his legacy, his life. When he felt his brain burning, when his memory became a bit too fuzzy, he could always look at the pictures and find solace in how those moments would live on in the people he loved.

'Spence?'

Your voice prompted him to keep moving, to let go of the past and remain in the present. He wandered through the rest of the house to the backyard, where two garden chairs sat either side of a coffee table, looking over the yard. The gardens were filled with flowers of all shapes and colours. He wasn't a nature guy by any means, but Spencer wanted you to have something to look after other than him or the children, something you could be proud of when you were much older. So he'd planted it himself (okay, he needed help from Derek), filling it with flowers that expressed all the wonderful qualities he loved about you.

There was a small gardening shed in the back, a quaint barbecue/entertainment area to one side, and a build-your-own playground just sitting on the lawn. He found you sitting comfortably in one of the chairs, staring out at the yard contently. He placed both cups of tea on the table before taking his own seat in the other chair.

'Do you remember how Jason used to carry Diana on his back up the slide?' you asked gently, a fond smile cracking your dry lips at the memory of your children playing on the very same playground their children now played on when they visited. 'You always got so scared they would fall and hurt themselves.'

'Isn't that our job?' he asked, taking a sip of his tea. 'To worry for our children?'

'You didn't have to be a helicopter parent, though,' you jibed playfully. 'You got better when Aaron was old enough to climb himself, so I can't berate you for that.'

'Speaking of which, Aaron just called, said him, Rachel and the kids want to invites us to dinner on Friday.'

You turned and smiled at him, but he saw how tired you were. It was in the slight droop in your lips when you smiled, it was in the slouch of your shoulders, it was the way you held out your hand for him to grasp and you could barely squeeze him back. You'd been like this for days, and it broke Spencer's heart to see the love of his life slowly fade away right beside him. He knew it was a natural way of life - considering their previous occupations, he was grateful to be even given the chance to grow old with you.

But despite natural law and despite his many blessings, it didn't dull the ache that grew more painful everyday.

'You don't have to be here, Spence,' you said, voice barely above a whisper, like it was just a secret only you two shared. 'You've seen enough death already.'

Spencer placed his cup on the table before getting out of his chair (a feat he struggled withe everyday now, his BAU days finally catching up to him) and walking around to your side, bringing both his hands to clasp yours as he knelt beside you.

'I'm not going anywhere,' he said, willing every ounce of sincerity and love into his words, into his hands as he held your frail ones. 'Forever and always, remember?'

Spencer almost broke down when your eyes locked with his, those shining (e/c) orbs sparkling with life and mischief and wonder. Despite what time had done to you, you were still his (Y/n), his best friend, his partner, his lover and saviour.

You nodded as if to say yes, I do remember. I always will. You pull one hand free of his grip, and use it to cradle his wrinkled cheeks. 'We've lived a good life, haven't we, Spence?'

He pulled one hand away to caress your hand on his cheek, holding it there for as long as he could. 'Yes. Yes we have.'

Your eyes scanned over him, suddenly seeing your life in rewind.

You saw him as he was now, white, Einstein hair, wrinkled skin and glasses. Then with only little streaks of white in his hair, more sleek. That's how he was with the kids. You kept going back, to your wedding, to your engagement, to the first time you kissed. Every movie night, every case, every late night in the office. Until you were seeing him as if for the first time. Kind of dorky, kind of sweet, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed to explain to you how his "physics magic" worked that very first day in the office.

It was like he was seeing you for the first time as well, as you smiled your bright smile like you did on that first day. The smile you had smiled for him every day since. The smile he saw in your children, and then your grandchildren.

'You are a true wonder, Spence,' you whispered softly, using what little strength you had left to squeeze the hand that still clasped yours as if to say thank you. 'My wonder.'

He waited for the lump in his throat to form, for the words to get stuck in his throat like they always did before. But the lump never formed, and so the words flowed like water out of him, finally feeling right.

'And you are mine,' he whispered back, smiling as bright as he could for you as he held you. 'You always have been my wonder.'

You bring his lips to yours one last time before dropping your hand from his face and sitting back in your seat, looking more tired than you'd ever been. But your other hand still held his, and he certainly wasn't going to let you go. Not yet.

'Spence,' you wheezed, eyes struggling to stay open on him.

Spencer pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, using his now free hand to stroke your grey hair in soothing motions. 'It's okay. You can rest now. I'll join you soon enough.'

The slight dip of your chin let him know you understood, and soon after you closed your eyes, your hand grew slack in his hold and your chest ceased rising.

You were gone.

And he was still here.

It was only then did Spencer allow the tears to fall, to acknowledge that despite both of your acceptances, he was sad. You'd lived good, long lives, and even then Spencer believed it was not enough time to love all of you. He knew it was selfish, but he figured after all he'd been through he would be allowed this one wish.

He held you for another hour before he called your children to notify them of your passing.

He held on for another year before he joined you. Cause of death: a broken heart.

He was buried beside you in the family lot, and on your joint headstone, it wrote:

Here lies Dr. Spencer Reid and Mrs. (Y/n) Reid. Loving Husband and Wife and Parents. "You truly are a wonder."

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader) - The Meeting

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader) - The Meeting Word Count: 1380 Reader insert: she/her pronouns. She is not American unless you are, just has a previous history in American law enforcement Warnings: none Spoilers: none

All his life, Dr. Spencer Reid has been told he is a genius - gifted, different. When you, a new member of the BAU, arrive, he expects the same weirded-out reaction from you as everyone does. But when you don't, and you instead find him interesting, Spencer finds himself forming an attachment to you. And as the years go on, is it really any wonder that he falls for you?

This is one of the six times you secretly say I love you to Spencer: your meeting.

Full story | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Spencer Reid was performing some of his physics magic for his colleagues when he first saw you.

He'd just mixed up the some water with an antacid tablet and placed within a film canister. He'd done it a hundred times on his own, but he'd only just joined the BAU two months ago, and JJ and Derek hadn't seen it before so he just had to do it. Quickly placing the lid on, he said, 'You can turn around now.'

'I don't understand why we had to in the first place,' Derek said as he grumpily turned around.

'A magician never tells his secrets,' Spencer said, rubbing his hands gleefully. To him, showing off his intellect never got boring. 

Well, show off wasn't the proper term. He understood that he could be a lot for some people, knowing so much for a man in his early twenties that looked barely old enough to be out of school, let alone with three Bachelors and PHDs under his belt already. Spouting little known facts or remembering minute details about cases that went back thirty to forty years was just his way of expressing himself. It was his way of contributing to the team. And while his team was getting used to his ramblings and intellect, even demonstrated admiration for it, others would call him a freak.

'If you ask me,' JJ said, 'I wouldn't want to know how he does some things.'

'Fair,' Derek replied, all their eyes on the film canister.

Spencer watched it in anticipation, how the bubbles slipped out between the lid and the canister slowly at first, then started bubbling faster and bigger and-

POP!

The canister rocketed up towards the roof, and all three of them watched with wide eyes as it arced over the bullpen and then down to meet the-

'Ow!'

Spencer ducked into his chair as he watched a young lady in a loose button up shirt, dress pants and boots pat her head. He heard JJ and Derek scurry away, but Spencer remained staring at the woman. Who is she? he thought, his eyes scanning over her.

Your (h/c) hair caught the sunlight, giving it a glow that had Spencer mesmerised. Your (s/c) skin shone with it, making your (e/c) eyes stand out most beautifully. And when you stood back up and made eye contact with him, canister in hand, he found himself frozen, unable to avoid the conclusion that he was the culprit.

'What is this, Reid?' Hotch said, walking up to his desk not looking the least bit impressed. 'Actually, don't answer that. Just don't do it again.'

'Sorry,' Spencer murmured out, a guilty smile stretching his lips slightly.

Hotch blew out a sigh. 'Never mind that now. I would like to introduce you to our new team member. Agent (Y/n) (L/n), a transfer from LA.'

Spencer finally realised that you had walked up with Hotch, and now that you were so close (literally standing a desk apart from one another), he was lost for words at how bright your smile was, and how beautiful you looked that way. 

'So you're the one that thought my head was a good landing place for your little... rocket,' you said offering the film canister back, laughter dancing in your words. 

It took Spencer a moment for him to realise you wanted him to take the canister back, so he scrambled to his feet, fingers fumbling for the canister. 'No, I-I was just showing how a-an antacid reacts with water, and how, put into a small, confined place, that can cause a chemical, gas-like reaction and cause it to exploded.'

'And launch it like a rocket?' you asked.

He paused as he watched your smile slip a little. Oh no. He'd done it again - made someone feel dumber than him. And while technically that was true, he never meant to make anyone feel like that. 

'Y-Yeah?' he answered, awkwardness rising up in his throat, freezing his limbs, his brain.

But then suddenly your smile returned, melting his fear and doubt as you said, 'Cool! I've always loved chemistry. I actually did a Bachelor of Science with a major in archaeological science and a minor in chemistry before I started my BA in Criminology.'

'And now you're here,' he said, a soft smile of his own tugging at his lips. 

You nodded, looking around what would now be your new home. 'And now I'm here.'

'Fascinating,' Spencer breathed out. He didn't mean to, but it made you smile more so he didn't mind. It suddenly occurred to him that he hadn't introduced himself. He struck out his arm, rigid as a board, and offered his hand. 'Sorry, I'm Dr. Spencer Reid.'

'Pleasure to meet you, doctor,' you said, taking his hand and shaking it firmly. You skin was as soft as it looked, Spencer noted. 'I very much look forward to working with you and the rest of the team as we go forward.'

'We've got a briefing in five minutes, Reid,' Hotch interrupted, moving to step away from the conversation. 'I'll introduce you to the rest of the team then, (L/n). And if I find you firing another film canister through the sky, Reid-'

'Yes, yes, sorry, no more rockets. Airspace Reid is officially grounded,' Spencer quickly replied, not wanting to get lectured like a twelve-year-old like he usually did.

Your tinkling laughter drew his attention back to you, and he was baffled by the wonderment dancing in your eyes as you looked at him. 'You are a wonder, Dr. Spencer Reid.'

'T-Thanks?' he replied, although he wasn't quite sure if you were making fun of him or not. Most people did if they didn't straight up tell him he was annoying.

Hotch walked away, but you remained for a moment, leaning in close to whisper, 'That's a good thing, by the way.'

'Oh. Right.' 

You flashed him one last smile before following your new unit chief, falling back into easy conversation with him as you gracefully floated through the chaotic goings of the office. Spencer couldn't take his eyes off you as you did, in awe of your grace and poise, and how you didn't even stumble when you spoke with him. You were genuine, upfront and honest. You couldn't be much older than himself, he noted, perhaps even younger. He was used to being the baby of the team, but it looked like that would be changing.

The prospect of being able to connect with someone his own age sent an unfamiliar but not unwelcome flutter through his heart.

'Oh, you've got it bad.'

Spencer spun in his chair to see JJ and Derek standing behind him once more, watching him with knowing grins. 

'What? What have I got?' he asked. 'I'm not sick... I don't think.'

JJ rolled her eyes and giggled as she walked away, Spencer just catching a quiet, 'This'll be fun,' as she did. But Derek walked closer, placing a firm hand on his shoulder, and that knowing grin stretched wider, more feline and cheeky. 

'Don't worry, pretty boy,' he said. 'You'll figure it out soon. You're smart, right?'

'Well, smart isn't really the quite term for someone with an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187-'

'And pep talk is over,' Derek interrupted, abruptly walking away back to his desk and leaving Spencer in a disarray of emotions.

So he looked back to where you had gone, and found you speaking with Penelope, nodding enthusiastically to whatever she was talking to you about. But you weren't just being polite, you appeared genuinely interested in the conversation, even though Spencer noted you barely contributed to it. 

'You are a wonder, Dr. Spencer Reid.'

All his life, Spencer had been told he was a genius - gifted, different. It had just become an effortless part of who he is. It was almost expected at this point to see weirded-out or overly-amazed expressions from people he didn't know. So why then, when you said that to him, did he feel happy about it?

He checked his watch. Almost briefing time. He got up from his seat and made his way to the briefing room where only a place beside you was available. Maybe he would find out soon enough.

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader) - The Connection

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader) - The Connection Word Count: 2494 Reader insert: she/her pronouns. She is not American unless you are, just has a history in American law enforcement Warnings: drug addiction, self-depracation, crying, minor fluff if you squint. Spoilers: none

All his life, Dr. Spencer Reid has been told he is a genius - gifted, different. When you, a new member of the BAU, arrive, he expects the same weirded-out reaction from you as everyone does. But when you don't, and you instead find him interesting, Spencer finds himself forming an attachment to you. And as the years go on, is it really any wonder that he falls for you?

This is one of the six times you secretly say I love you to Spencer: your first real connection.

Full story | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4  | Part 5 | Part 6

It became a casual thing, for you to comment on how wonderful Dr. Spencer Reid was. Every day in the office, whenever you travelled to cases, even out in the field, sometimes in not-so-great situations. 

It was only ever once, but you always managed to find something to say, 'You are a wonder, Dr Reid,' to him. Sometimes it was his full name, sometimes just doctor. Sometimes, he was just Spencer. Apart from JJ, you were the only one who ever really called him by his first name. Oddly enough for him, he liked it when he was just Spencer, not the Boy Genius or freak or computer.

But the next time you told him that and it meant something to him was ten months after he ended his drug addiction.

He sat at his desk in the bullpen finishing some paperwork, or at least attempting to. They'd just gotten back from a long and exhausting case and his brain (the very thing he knew he could always rely on) refused to coordinate with his hands and eyes. The information he wished to write out felt jammed at his fingers tips, appeared blurry in his vision.

'Gosh,' he breathed out, leaning back in his seat defeated as he rubbed at his tired eyes. No doubt black bags sagged beneath them. 

It had been a long, exhausting case. The team had gone to Dallas to find a serial killer who'd been leaving a trail of dead doctors and pharmacists over the span of months which had suddenly turned into weeks, then days once his team joined the case. 

The unsub had spiralled, devolved so to say, alluding to a psychotic break. But when they'd found him, he was not the malicious, sadistic person they'd first expected. Spencer was the first on the scene and had instead found a young man in his early twenties, not much younger than himself. All he'd wanted was some off-market narcotic that took away the pain from the physical abuse he received from his father.

And while Spencer's trauma was not the same, he couldn't help but see the parallels. When he'd looked the young man in the eyes, it was like looking into a mirror. All he saw was himself, drowning in his own trauma, his own fear, his own pain. 

Spencer scoped the bullpen, suddenly noticing the silence. Not a single person was left. He then looked at his watch - half past ten. He hadn't noticed people leaving whatsoever. Not surprising considering his current state, his current condition.

Spencer slowly reached down to the bottom drawer of his desk, a sudden urge coursing through him to do so. Slowly again, almost hesitantly, he pulled it open and leafed through the many spare manilla folders that sat oddly in there until he reached the bottom.

It was just one vial, but just the mere sight of it sent relief rushing through Spencer. Dilaudid. He gently cradled it up to his eyes, admiring how the glass doors of the entrance became obscured as he looked through the transparent but murky liquid. After this case, what he wouldn't give to have a needle right now. Just one hit-

'Well, if it isn't Dr. Spencer Reid burning the midnight oil.'

Spencer almost dropped the vial as he scrambled to shove it deep into his pant pocket just as you appeared out of nowhere from the conference room.

'Sorry,' you said, an apologetic smile already on your lips. 'I didn't mean to startle you.'

'It's okay,' he replied as casually as possible. It was one thing to nearly be caught out by your colleague that you had an illegal narcotic you used to have an addiction for in your hand, but another when that colleague is one you've admired since the day you met. 'I was lost in thought, anyways.'

'Well just as well then. I can only imagine how depthless your brain must go with all that knowledge crammed in there.' You walked down the stairs to the floor of the bullpen and walked to him. You were still in your clothes from the past twenty-four hours, and your light makeup looked like it was lifting off your face like a second skin. Even your unrelenting smile seemed to sag with exhaustion.

Spencer straightened up in his seat, suddenly concerned. 'You okay, (Y/N)? You look-'

'Like trash?' you finished as you pulled up a chair of your own and sat in front of him. 'I have no doubt.'

Spencer looked behind her back into the conference room, his eyebrows furrowing when he spotted stacks of folders and loose paperwork spread across the table. 'That all yours?'

You looked back to the mess of words and paper you'd just escaped and sighed dramatically. 'Oh, yeah. Seems like the longer the case, the more paperwork you have to do. Poor trees.'

'Yeah...' Spencer found it odd how much paperwork you had to get through. Even he didn't have that much to get through. But before he could question you about it, your soft voice filled the damning void that surrounded him.

'How are you feeling, you know, after this case?'

'What do you mean?' he asked.

'Don't give me that,' you say, your smile now replaced by a seriousness Spencer only saw on you when you were making an arrest or in really dire situations. You've worked together for almost three years now, he knew all the faces you pulled, all of your likes and dislikes, how you liked your coffee only after you've completed one task for the day to prove you can survive without it but choose not to. 

He knows you, so it should not be surprising that you know him just as well.

'The moment we found out the unsub's objective, you've been a little... off.'

'Well, it shouldn't be surprising considering that was me just ten months ago,' he said matter-of-factly, pulling back into his shell, putting up his guard. 'I mean, if Hotch hadn't have found out about it, that could've been me-'

'No it wouldn't have.'

Spencer scoffed, but not in a demeaning manner. He just didn't believe you for a moment because he could see the facts, the statistics, in his head. 'Over 45% percent of addicts relapse at least twice. This is without the intervention or support by health care clinics and families and friends, and this case just proved that. So, yes, it could've been-'

'But it wasn't,' you intervened again, your voice echoing like soft thunder through the empty office. It gave you presence, forcing Spencer to look at you, like really look at you, and face what you were about to say.

'You had help and support from people that care about you, Spence,' you continued, sitting forward in your seat. 'And I don't care about the statistics, you're not one of them. You're your own person and you can determine where you add value in life, not by some... statistically-informed percentage prediction... thing.'

That drew a laugh out him, the quiet but sudden sound surprising him slightly. 'Stastically-informed percentage prediction, huh?'

'Shut up,' you grumbled and playfully punched his shoulder. When you both calmed down, you continued. 'When I realised who we were looking for, for a moment I kind of got scared.'

Spencer raised a quizzical eyebrow 'Scared?'

You nodded. 'The truth is that... when you were kidnapped and... you had to endure all that pain alone... I was terrified. We all were. Even when we found you, I was terrified. Because I knew you would never be the same, and not that it's your problem, but I knew in that moment that I would never forgive myself for not finding you sooner. For not going with you and JJ to the farm.'

Tears welled up in your eyes and Spencer immediately leant forward. To do what, he didn't know, he just needed you to know he was there for you, like you always were for him.

'I'm sorry,' you mutter, blinking the tears away before they could fall. 'Your trauma is not my own. I have no right to express my guilt.'

'There's nothing to feel guilty for,' he said, reaching out slowly with his hands, the ones that slightly shook as he laid them on your own. 

To his relief, you smiled. It wasn't full, but it was there. 'You're a horrible liar, Spencer Reid.' That brought some laughter out of you both, lightening the suffocating air of the office. 

'But even when we found out about you and the dilaudid,' you continued, pulling yourself together, if only to let Spencer know your true thoughts. 'I wasn't even mad.'

A large lump formed in Spencer's throat, and he had a hard time swallowing it along with the threat of tears that burned behind his amber eyes. 'You... You weren't?' 

It was the mixture of surprise and hope that pulled at your heart, that made you feel obligated to keep speaking. 'Why should I have been? I was not the one who was tortured mentally and physically by a split-personality murderer; and who also witnesses the darkest, most ugliest aspects of humanity every single day of his life. It was not my place to judge how you hold onto your own humanity.'

Your eyes until then had never left his, but they flickered downwards then, and Spencer froze at where your gaze landed. 

It only lasted a moment before your eyes returned to his, and it startled him the lack of sympathy he finds there, but instead warmth. 'It is still not my place to judge,' you said, twisting your hands so they could clasp his fully. 'All I know is that... you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. So much stronger than me, JJ, Pen, Emily - heck, I'd say you're even stronger than Derek. But not Hotch, Gideon, and Rossi, though. Then again, no one is.'

You both chuckled at that, and all the tension in his body seemed to dissipate at the sound. So light and airy, it was what he imagined heaven sounded like. 

'The point is,' you continued, giving his hands a squeeze, 'you are a wonder, Spencer Reid. We all see it. You've just got to now see it, too.'

Spencer stared at you, dumbfounded and conflicted within himself. He felt like he wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. And a great urge to suddenly engulf you in a hug started itching his limbs, which was weird because he didn't care much physical affection, or affection in general. But before he could decide what he wanted to do, you decided for him.

You gave his hands one last squeeze before letting go and standing up. The absence of your touch left him cold as he followed you as you went back into the conference room to pack up. Surprisingly it didn't take you long until you came back out, your coat and bag in hand.

'Don't stay up too long, now,' you said as you passed him by, your smile so radiant it was almost as if you weren't crying just a few minutes before. 'We've got a long day ahead.'

As soon as the elevator door closed on you, he pulled out the vial of dilaudid and stared it down. It was like it was taunting him, sitting idly, innocently, in his palm, as if it knew he desperately wanted it, needed it.

'...you are stronger than you give yourself credit for... you are a wonder, Spencer Reid. We all see it. You've just got to now see it, too.'

For some reason, though, he suddenly didn't need it. The fire, the urge, the want and reliance for it - he was suddenly weightless with clarity, if only for a moment.

Spencer chucked the vial in the dumpster outside the office when he left. It was hard, but he did it. He knew he wasn't cured, that there was still a long road ahead. But it was a start.

The next day when he came into the office, Derek was the first to comment on his haggard appearance.

'Seriously man,' he said, trailing Spencer out of the break room, 'you look like a ghoul. Did you sleep at all last night.'

'I was here late last night doing paperwork,' he explained, sitting himself and his coffee down at his desk. 'You should go see (y/n), she probably looks a little worse for wear herself from staying late last night, too.'

'Oh, she stayed late too, did she?'

'It's not like that,' Spencer insisted, swatting at Derek pathetically. 'She had a mountain of paperwork to finish of her own.'

'Y/N?' Emily said as she walked by with JJ, identical coffees in their hands. 'She finished her paperwork at about the same time I did.'

'Yeah, we were walking out together before she turned back into the office. Said she had to talk with Hotch,' JJ said.

'I remember that,' Spencer added. 'You guys said goodnight to me on your way out.' Not that he had responded, he suddenly recalled, a pang of guilt punching his gut.

'Who had to talk with me?' The man himself suddenly walked by, stopping at the congregated group upon hearing his name.

'Y/n,' Emily answered. 'Last night.'

'Oh, yes. She, uh, asked if there was anymore paperwork to do.'

'Why would she do that when she was done?' JJ asked. 

'I don't know,' Hotch said, making his way towards his office, 'but who am I to turn away someone who wants to do paperwork for free? Now, briefing in ten minutes.'

As the others dispersed back to their desks, Spencer didn't know how to feel about this new information. It didn't help the matter when you finally dragged yourself into the office, dark circles peaking out from under your thin layer of foundation. But as you sat at your desk, eyes drooping as you logged onto your laptop, he knew just what to do.

It took you a second to register the cup of coffee being held in front of your dazed eyes, and another to realise who was holding it.

'Late night?' Spencer asked, a coy smile on his lips.

Despite your exhaustion, you managed to grab the cup without spilling any of the precious caffeine that would help you through the day. 'Yeah,' you decided to play dumb, answering as enthusiastically as possible. 'Paperwork, you know. Never-ending.'

Spencer hummed, contemplating his next words carefully. 'Well, I hope giving up your sleep was worth it, then.'

'I'd like to think it was.'

The way you didn't hesitate to answer struck a chord of truth in him that left him dumbfounded once more. Twice in under twenty-four hours? That had to be a new record for him.

But instead of freezing up, he managed an honest smile as he clanked his coffee cup with your own. 'Well... it is certainly most appreciated.'

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader) - The Confession

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader) - The Confession  Word Count: 3863 Reader insert: she/her pronouns. She is not American unless you are, just has a previous history in American law enforcement. Warnings: mentions of murder, crime scene, guns, near-death experience, slow-burn romance, and some MAJOR FLUFF!  Spoilers: none

All his life, Dr. Spencer Reid has been told he is a genius - gifted, different. When you, a new member of the BAU, arrive, he expects the same weirded-out reaction from you as everyone does. But when you don't, and you instead find him interesting, Spencer finds himself forming an attachment to you. And as the years go on, is it really any wonder that he falls for you?

This is six times you secretly say I love you to Spencer: your love confession to one another.

Full story | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

He didn't hear your heart-stopping compliment again until it was almost too late.

After the Staunton case, you and Spencer had been... odd. Well, mainly Spencer, as he spoke as little as possible to you during cases, and always offered to go with anyone else but you on certain tasks. He even stopped coming over to yours for movie night each Saturday, claiming each time to be busy or unwell. It was Spencer's only way of ensuring nothing like that night ever happened again.

He convinced himself the moment was fleeting, just a mixture of chemicals in his brain combined with the adrenaline of being with a beautiful women he very much admired that made him read the signs wrong. You were friends, that was all you were, and all he would ever allow you to be.

This went on for three months.

And you were miserable.

Emily, JJ and Penelope recognised the change in your demeanour at work first, and when they found out the reason behind it, they slapped Spencer upside the head on their way out of the office one Friday afternoon and took you with them, promising a wonderful night out on the town.

That night, to Spencer's eventual annoyance, you'd met someone. A charming young firefighter named Riley who lived in Washington DC and was just in town to see family.

That night, you hooked up. And the next morning, he asked you on a date. That date led to another, then more. You were on your way to another one tonight when you got a phone call from JJ saying they found the latest unsub's house and were planning a raid on it.

Spencer knew you were on a date when he also got the phone call to come along. Despite his distance (by his own choice, he always had to remind himself), he kept tabs on you, checked in on you via others. And while the girls of the team were awfully mad at him, they always answered him when he asked how you were doing.

'You know, for a genius, you really are quite stupid,' JJ told him when he asked about you.

He quirked his eyebrow, genuinely confused. 'I'm sorry?'

'She's heartbroken,' Penelope added. 'Her best friend just gives her the silent treatment out of nowhere after what sounded like a magical night at the theatre. Who wouldn't be upset by that, Reid?'

'I just,' he paused, rallying his thoughts into words that couldn't quite describe how he felt. 'It's complicated.'

'Love shouldn't be complicated, Reid,' Emily interjected, a soft but sad smile gracing her painted lips.

Spencer swallowed thickly at that. 'W-What do you mean?'

Derek finished making his coffee and took a sip of it before answering. 'We all see it, Reid. You don't have to deny anymore how you feel.'

'I'm not denying anything, Morgan.'

'Maybe not to us,' Derek continued. 'But you are definitely denying it to yourself. All I can say is don't wait until it's too late. She's already slipping away.'

That's when Spencer found out about your dates with Riley, and an ugly, selfish, hurt part of him wanted to scream with anger. Mainly at himself, but the damage was done and he had to get over you.

But when you showed up to the unsub's home, your FBI bullet-proof vest on and mascara slightly smeared under your eyes, he was beyond confused. And concerned.

'You're here,' he stated matter-of-factly.

'You sound surprised,' you answered stiffly, loading your gun without even glancing at him.

'To be honest, yeah. JJ and the rest all said you were out tonight. I figured you-'

'What? That I would ignore the call because I had something personal planned?' You finally looked up at him, and man did your cold stare pierce him like an arrow. 'This is my job, Spence. I knew, same as you and everyone else, that I would have to make some sacrifices to do it. So please, don't think so little of me just because I attempted to have a life outside of it.'

He grew more concerned at your choice of words. 'Attempted?' he asked, but then he looked closely at your smeared mascara, at the redness circling your eyes. Like you'd been crying-

'Don't worry about it,' you muttered, brushing past him to meet up with the team. 'You haven't for about four months now.'

Spencer tried to ignore the sting your words brought with them as he followed you to the rest of the team, forcing himself to put the case in front of you. But he'd done that for the past four months as you had so brightly pointed out, and look where it had landed him.

'Now remember,' Hotch started, bringing the team and some other officers in to brief, 'this unsub may use this place as his base to build his bombs, but don't discredit the idea that he wouldn't blow it up to save himself. Tread carefully but be vigilant, he is in the house somewhere. Now move.'

Spencer followed you into the house through the front door, gun and flashlight at the ready. All that could be heard were the soft but swift patter of footsteps as the FBI and local police ran in. The lights were on, but no unsub.

You were silently directed by Hotch to investigate the back end of the house, to which Spencer and Derek followed. You focussed on maintaining your breathing as you tried not to think about your date, Spencer, your heart thrashing in your ribcage. Only the unsub mattered.

The three of you broke into the last room of the house, the laundry. Upon entry, you spotted him, the unsub, running out the back door into the backyard.

'Hey!' you called out, immediately breaking into a sprint after him. You broke out of the laundry onto a cemented path towards a clothes line, chasing after him towards the fence line. But as you stepped off the path and onto the grass, something gave way beneath your feet, followed by a resounding click that had your freezing with fear.

'(L/n), keep going!' Derek shouted from somewhere behind you.

'Hold up!' you cried, throwing an arm back behind you. 'I think the yard is full of bombs.'

'Well, let's go around the front and get him in the back streets, come on!'

'I can't,' you replied back, slightly breathless from running, but also from the fear constricting now your airways.

'Why?' You didn't have to see him to know it was Spencer, concern dripping from just one word.

'Because I'm standing on one.'

Spencer knew it was physically impossible, but he was sure his stomach just dropped out of him and onto the bomb-littered grass around them. This was bad. Like very very bad.

'Shit,' Derek breathed out before bringing his wrist up to his mouth. 'Hotch, the unsub got away over the back fence, send some men to intercept him two blocks north from here.'

'Got it,' Hotch answered efficiently.

'And send the bomb squad out here. Yard is like a mine field and (L/n) is standing on one.'

After that, it didn't take long for the rest of the team to run outside, making extra careful to stand only on the pavements as they got as close to you as they could. Spencer stood the closest, standing directly in front of you as the bomb squad swept the yard for the rest of them.

'I've got some good news and some bad news,' one member of the bomb squad said as she came up to the team. 'Good news is it's the only bomb in the yard.'

'And I just managed to find it. Super,' you muttered, your tone shaky although the intention was to lighten the mood.

'Bad news is it's a pressure-triggered bomb, meaning that if you move even a fraction it'll go off. Also, by stepping on it, you've set of a timer until it explodes. The only way to disarm it seems to be a code of some kind.'

'How long do we have?' Spencer asked, not bothering to mask his desperation. This couldn't be happening. Of all the people, it had to be you.

'Six hours now,' she said grimly. 'My team and I will do everything we can to dismantle it and shut it off manually, but it's built quite strong so it'll be tough to crack open without setting it off. Your best bet will be to get an answer from your bomber.'

'Uniforms just called in,' Rossi said. 'They're bringing him in now.'

'Good,' Hotch said with a ferocity that would send most people running for the hills. 'He's gonna give us that code one way or another.' He turned to you, determination blazing in his eyes. 'Hang tight, (Y/n). We're gonna get you off that thing.'

'I'll hold you to that,' you joked, and you were grateful to receive a soft smile in return from Hotch and the rest of the team. Except for Spencer, he couldn't find it in himself to smile. He could barely think no thanks to your dangerous position.

'I'll stay with (Y/n),' Spencer said, his voice strained compared to his usual calmness.

'Reid,' Derek started, 'you're our best bet to crack open this guy. If we find something-'

'Then I'll have my phone ready to pick up. I'm not leaving her.'

It surprised you the strength you heard hidden underneath his fear. It was there in his eyes too, blazing like Hotch's, except with more warmth, more determination.

Derek looked to Hotch, and Hotch just nodded. 'Okay fine, but you better pick up on the first ring.'

'Promise.'

'I'll stay to help with the bomb squad,' Emily said while also looking at you.

'No,' you said as Hotch, Derek and JJ left. 'You all should go. In case he somehow remotely sets it off himself.'

'We're not leaving,' Reid said firmly, making eye contact with you. 'Not until you're off that bomb, you hear me?'

You wanted to argue, trying to be selfless and strong. But the truth was you were terrified, and to hear Spencer's strength where you lacked helped you push your pride aside and nod in agreement.

Time had flown by and it was now the last ten minutes. Spencer had received phone call after phone call but nothing had been helpful. They'd tried two potential codes already but they didn't work. The bomb squad quickly realised that they only had three chances to get the code right and so they were down to the last chance.

'You guys should really leave,' you said amidst your chattering teeth. It was now just after midnight and your thin button up and the bulletproof vest were not cutting it anymore. Spencer wished he could give you a blanket, a jacket, his own shirt for God's sake if it would keep you warm slightly.

'That's not going to happen,' he answered without hesitation.

You yawned, eyes threatening to droop close. Your legs had gone numb long ago. You were unsure how you were holding yourself up. It certainly wasn't by adrenaline. Perhaps you were frozen in place.

'I mean it, Spence,' you said, bracing yourself as another shiver threatened to spasm your entire body. 'It's the last ten minutes. You should be clear in case it goes off.'

'I'm not going to do that.'

'Damnit, Spencer. Of all the times to be stubborn, you choose now?'

'I'm not being stubborn,' Spencer argued. Were you purposefully trying to tick him off now? 'I'm trying to save your life!'

'You're right, you're not being stubborn. You're being plain stupid,' you retorted. You weren't sure why you were suddenly so angry, you just didn't like him playing the hero when he didn't have to.

'Yes! I am stupid, I admit that. I'll announce that to the entire neighbourhood right now if you want me to! Because if it weren't for me being an idiot, you wouldn't have had those dates, you wouldn't have had a date tonight, and maybe you wouldn't be stuck standing on a bomb right now!'

You stared incredulously at Spencer. He blamed himself for your situation? For Riley?

Despite the bustling of people around them, everything grew silent as youO stared at one another, Spencer's chest heaving as he sucked in air hard.

'Spence,' you said softly, your anger suddenly dissipating. 'I don't blame you for any of this. I would've ended up on this bomb one way or another. Or even worse, it could've been you standing on it. And as for Riley...' You thought the tears would come up again like before, but your eyes remained dry, and your heart didn't pull harshly.

Not for Riley, anyways.

'Did something happen between you two?' Spencer tentatively asked. His tone bordered on concerned and hopeful, demonstrating his torn mindset to whatever you were about to say.

You nodded. 'I told him I had to go to work, which wasn't unusual, but he just flipped. Said he was sick of me choosing you guys over him and that he was finished.'

He hated himself for feeling the slightest bit happy at the news, but his best friend instincts kicked in, and all he wanted to do was reach out and hold you. 'I'm sorry. You could've said no. We would've understood-'

'Spencer, I will always choose you guys over anyone,' you interjected, and the complete seriousness on your face reflected your sincerity brighter than the full moon above. 'I will always choose you, Spence.'

It was then Spencer saw it: the same feeling he'd had swirling in his stomach for months reflected in your eyes. It scared him, but what scared him more was that it would all be gone soon if he didn't do anything about it.

He would be too late, just like Derek said.

The bomb squad lady and Emily walked up to them both, and Spencer did not like the grim expressions on their faces.

'I'm sorry,' the bomb squad lady said. 'It's the last five minutes. There's nothing else we can do but clear out of the blast zone.'

'What about the code?' Spencer pressed, but Emily shook her head.

'Reid, they've gotten nothing out of him. We've got to go.'

'But we can't just leave her here-'

'Trust me, Spencer, I don't want to either!' Emily cried, tears pricking at her eyes at the thought of you dying. 'But we can't do anything for her here. I've got the remote to input the code if they get another one, but until then, we've got to clear from the blast zone.'

'No.' Spencer shook his head vigourously. He couldn't accept this. He wouldn't accept this.

'Spencer,' you tried gently. 'It's okay. I can do the rest alone. I want you to be safe.'

'Well, too bad, because I'm staying.'

You squeezed your eyes shut as tears rushed down your cheeks. 'Damnit, Spencer. Please, just go. Don't make this harder than it already is.'

Spencer took a daring step towards you, the tops of his shoes dangling just over the edge of the pavement. 'I won't abandon you. Not again.'

You were most likely a blubbering mess, your heart hurting so much at the thought that he would get caught up in your mess. 'God, why don't you just leave-'

'Because I love you, (Y/n)!'

The four of you stood dumbfounded as his proclamation echoed through the yard, the house, the street back out the front. Hell, Spencer hoped the whole world heard what he said, because he felt free for the first time in months, weightless, powerful.

And it was all because of you.

'I love you,' he repeated again, softer this time. As the reality of the situation came crashing down on him, tears of his own sprouted in his eyes and ran down his cheeks. He'd finally built up the courage to tell you, and you were minutes away from being blown up.

Through your tears, you find it in yourself to chuckle a little. It's watery and gross-sounding, but Spencer likes it none the less because it's yours, and you haven't lost complete hope. 'Talk about great timing, you big idiot.' And then there it is, that bright smile he saw day one in the office. You wore it with such pride, such strength it pulled at Spencer's heart strings painfully. 'You truly are a wonder, Spencer Reid.'

'One minute,' the bomb squad lady said, her tone frantic now. 'We've got to move! Now!'

'Reid, come on!' Emily cried, backing up with the bomb squad.

'I won't abandon her,' he replied, never taking his eyes off you.

'Reid please!'

Before he could reply, though, his phone buzzed, and he immediately answered the call. 'Please tell me you go it.'

'HOME! The code word is HOME!'

'Punch in HOME!' Reid called out to Emily, keeping Derek on the line as he stared at you. If you were to die, he was gonna make damn sure the last thing you saw wasn't an unfamiliar face.

'Are you sure?'

'We're out of time! Do it!'

'Spence...' you muttered. But you never finished your sentence, as your breath got caught while watching Emily punch in the code into the device. You closed your eyes. Soon you would be in eternal darkness. You would not fear it, but embrace it.

But when nothing happened, you dared to sneak a peek at what was going on. You saw Spencer first, who looked at Emily, who looked at the device in her hands. The deathly silence was finally broken at the sound of a green light on the device switching on. You then heard a hundred tiny clicks somewhere underfoot and felt yourself being pushed up back onto level ground.

Spencer finally looked back to you, eyes blown wide with hope he dared not realise. That same hope fuelled your frozen, tired legs, to take the tiniest of steps forward, and when nothing happened, you took your other foot off the bomb and collapsed forward into Spencer's arms.

His heart pounded faster than the jet that flew them all over the country every week as he cradled you simultaneously gently and tightly. You sobbed into his chest, your arms circling around his back and pulling him as tight as possible.

Oh, how he had missed your touch, your affection, your love, you.

'It's okay, you're okay,' he soothed, patting your hair down with one hand while he cradled you with the other. 'I'm here. We're all here.' He realised suddenly he'd dropped his phone, and so with one hand, he reached down and picked it up, bringing it to his ear. 'She's off.'

He barely heard the cheers of excitement and relief on Derek's end before he was hanging up and helping you to your feet. After that, it was a whirlwind of the bomb squad excavating the bomb, paramedics arriving, and CSU investigating the house.

After giving his statement of events to the local police and finishing speaking to other officials, he found you wrapped in a trauma blanket in the open back of an ambulance.

'How are you feeling?' he said as he approached you.

You broke free of your own world to look at Spencer, and a soft smile managed its way onto your lips. 'Well, I can feel my legs again so that's a start. And you?'

'All the better now that you're not standing on a bomb.'

You chuckled, though a red tinge dusted your cheeks out of embarrassment. 'I must admit, it's true what they say about your life flashing before your eyes the moment before you die.'

'Really? What did you see?' Spencer had read articles about this kind of stuff before, but had never spoken with a person who'd experience it themselves.

You didn't answer straight away, instead standing up to face him fully. Your legs felt like jelly a little but you stood strong. 'I saw you,' you replied easily, as if breathing air. 'Only you.'

Spencer couldn't hold it back, his fear, his relief. It all came bubbling out in an ugly sob as he pulled you into a bone-crushing hug, pressing his face into your hair, using your scent to calm himself. He felt you sobbing too, how your body shook with your own anxieties.

'I missed you,' you said, your words muffled into his chest.

'I know, I'm sorry,' he murmured. 'I missed you, too.' He pulled you back slightly so that he could see your face. He wiped at your tears and forced his best smile just for you. 'But I'm back now. And I'm not going anywhere. That is... if you want me around.'

You heard his silent question, and it made you smile how confident and shy he could be simultaneously.

'Spencer Reid,' you murmured, like what you were about to say next was your biggest secret, 'of course I want you around. I love you.'

He chuckled with relief, tears still pricking at his eyes. But your words sealed your fate, as he used his small amount of confidence to grab the back of your neck gently and pull your lips to his.

You were the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted, and dare he compare you the most addictive drug he could ever hope to get high on. He couldn't get enough of you, and it was such a relief to finally let it out how much he needed you to breathe.

You were equally breathless, simultaneously feeling all consumed by Spencer's love without also having enough of it. Your fingers danced in the soft curls at the nape of his neck, threading yourself into him as much as possible. The truth was, the past four months were torturous.

'I'm not going anywhere.'

As you both finally broke apart, you pressed your foreheads together, nervous giggles of teenagers bubbling up in you both. This was fresh and new, but the love you had for one another had been there all along. No one was going anywhere.

'Finally!'

You and Spencer looked up to see the rest of the team watching from afar, with Emily and JJ smiling giddily, Derek and Rossi trying to suppress laughter, and Hotch having the simplest of grins on his lips.

'Oh, babygirl is going to have a field day when she hears about this,' Derek said, walking up to clap Spencer on the back and give him a hug. 'Well done, man.'

'It's about time,' Rossi said as the rest of the team joined you both. 'I thought I was going to have to take matters into my own hands.'

'Thank God you didn't,' Emily said, both her and JJ giving you a hug. 'As much as this has been traumatic for all of us, I'm so glad it brought you back together.'

'Say that to my poor legs,' you whined, but you hugged them just as tight. Truthfully, you felt the same. And as Reid held you in his arms that night, having refused to let you out of his sight after your brush with death, you couldn't be more grateful for it, too.

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader) - The Wedding

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader) - The Wedding  Word Count: 2576 Reader insert: she/her pronouns. She is not American unless you are, just has a previous history in American law enforcement. Warnings: mentions of beatings, blood, suffocation, near-death experiences, slow-burn romance, and some MAJOR FLUFF!  Spoilers: none

All his life, Dr. Spencer Reid has been told he is a genius - gifted, different. When you, a new member of the BAU, arrive, he expects the same weirded-out reaction from you as everyone does. But when you don't, and you instead find him interesting, Spencer finds himself forming an attachment to you. And as the years go on, is it really any wonder that he falls for you?

This is one of six times you secretly say I love you to Spencer: your wedding.

Full story | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Your wedding was the next major point in his life that your words had impact.

The past five years leading up to your engagement had been some of the best and challenging in your life. There'd been many more close calls on both your lives since then - kidnappings, hostage situations, deadly viruses, the works. Even some romantic challenges that came in the form of other men and women.

But your bond ran deeper than superficial, petty spiffs. You always found your way back to one another, no matter how dark the road got. It was even on such a dark case that saw both you and Spencer on death row that he asked you. You'd both been captured and locked in a shipping container filled with no gaps for air and no way out. Before that, you'd copped a beating from your capture, forcing Spencer to watch all the while. Truthfully, it hadn't looked good, and that's why Spencer did it.

'What?' you asked deliriously, barely able to see straight no thanks to the lack of oxygen.

'I was planning on asking you... after this case,' Spencer admitted, his face mere centimetres from yours as he held you in a tight hug. He was breathless, running out of air and time it seemed. He had to do it now. 'Had it all planned out... We would go to that place on the hill we go to... a picnic all set out... and just as the sun would set, I'd ask you... and give you this.'

You would've gasped if you'd had enough air to do so, in utter shock to see Spencer pull out a simple gold band with a diamond embedded in it from in his pant pocket.

'I've had this for months... waiting for the... right time,' he managed to get out. 'It's my mothers. When I told her I wanted to marry you... she didn't even hesitate to give it to me.'

You were both weak, but he softly picked your left hand up and looked you dead in the eye. 'This might be it for us, but it also might not. Either way, I want to be yours for whatever time we have left. So, (Y/n) (L/n)... will you marry me?'

The tears that trekked down your face actually cleared your vision enough to see Spencer's smile clearly as you answered, 'Yes. I will marry you.'

Either some higher being was looking out for you that day, or your team was just really good at their job (Spencer never doubted them for a moment), but the team found you both in time, both unconscious and barely breathing, but hand in hand, with yours suddenly bejewelled.

Since then it had been a flurry of work and wedding arrangements and stress over the next seven months. Many speculated you were pregnant and that's why you and Spencer rushed the wedding. The truth was you just didn't want to wait any longer than you had to, not being in your line of work. Any day could be your last, so why waste it.

Spencer messed with the tie of his navy blue suit for the hundredth time as he stood waiting under the arch of flowers in the backyard of Rossi's mansion for you. He wasn't nervous, just... ansty, like he had ants in his pants and wanted to get out of them as soon as possible. But he couldn't deny he was just as excited for this day as you were. All of your friends and family dressed up, no case, no killer, nothing but what dessert they were going to have at the reception to worry about. 

'Hey pretty boy,' Derek said, coming up behind him and clapping a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. 'Stop messing with it. You look fine.'

'I know, I just...' Spencer couldn't put into words what he was feeling, not as he stared at his good friend - his best man. Even though Derek had left the BAU, Spencer and him still spoke regularly, and he was more than happy to be there for his best bud at arguably the most important day of his life. 

Derek smiled knowingly, straightening Spencer's tie because that's what the best man did for the groom. 'She loves you, Spencer. You've got nothing to worry about.'

'I'm not worried. I just...' He felt the tears already coming on and he hadn't even seen you yet. You were probably even more gorgeous than you already were. God he couldn't wait to marry you.

'I get it, man,' Derek said, and then the piano started playing a soft, whimsical tune that was so you and he stepped back into place. 'Show time, pretty boy.'

Spencer straightened himself up, told himself to hold the tears back. This was not a sad day, but a joyous one. But his breath was stolen the moment the doors of Rossi's mansion opened, after Emily, JJ and Penelope walked through, and you walked out into the backyard on your father's arm. 

Your gown was simple, accentuating your body like the goddess you were. Your (h/c) locks were styled to perfection, hidden barely by the thin veil that fell like morning mist over your face. You held your favourite flowers in your hands, the glint of your engagement ring shining as bright as the sun that shone upon the whole ceremony.

By the time you reached him, Spencer was about ready to rip your veil off, kiss the living daylights out of you and runaway. But he resisted, instead waiting patiently for your dad to flip your veil up, and for you to hand over your bouquet to JJ, your maid of honour. When you finally turned to face him, he could've cried. You were so beautiful. And we was marrying you today.

You reached out to him, and he was more than glad to clasp your hands at last.

'Hi,' you whispered, a nervous but excited smile twitching your lips.

'Hi,' he whispered back, the threat of tears burning the back of his eyes again. 'You are gorgeous.'

'Thanks. You look handsome.'

'It's a wonder what a whole eight hours sleep and showering more than once a week can do.'

He was so glad to hear your laugh. It calmed his nerves, and apparently yours calmed too, as your hands no longer shook in his.

'All right, everyone,' Rossi started, stepping up to minister the ceremony. 'Let's get this started.'

The boring, ceremonious stuff went by quickly and soon you were reciting your vows. You'd both wanted to write your own vows for each other - agreeing that the usual script was not enough to express your love for one another, and what you would do to protect that love. 

Reid went first. 

'(Y/n),' he began, staring you straight in your eyes. He'd written his speech over and over again, but once he found the right words, it only took him a matter of seconds to memorise them. Forever. 'I've always been told I was different. Gifted, special. Being different helped me get this job, this family-' he turned to his friends, who watched them with bright smiles and teary eyes. 'But it also got me in trouble, held me back from experiencing... normal things like friendship, even love. So much so, that I started to believe... I was unworthy of love.'

You squeezed his hands, hearing the stutter in his words, the built up emotion that threatened to consume him. He gratefully squeezed back, grateful to know he was not alone, that he would never be alone from this day forth. 

'But from the day I met you, you've shown me that I can be myself and be worthy of love. Theoretically, we shouldn't work. Despite popular opinion, studies have shown that people from different backgrounds, with different interests and completely different personality traits are less likely to feel attracted to one another than people with similar backgrounds, interests and personalities.'

'Come on, Reid. You really want people to sleep through your wedding?' Derek asked, prompting you and the rest of the guests to burst into laughter. 

'I have a point,' he countered, and waited for the laughter to die down before resuming his vows. 'And while I usually rely on statistics and facts to make informed decisions about my life, from the day that I met you, you turned my entire world upside, inside out... and I didn't care. Because despite knowing almost everything there is to know about, well, everything, you are the one thing that has and always will make sense to me.'

He saw you trying to hold back tears, so he let go of one of your hands to caress your cheek where some tears rolled down. He swiped them away gently with his thumb without ruining your makeup, the most handsome, beautiful smile you'd ever seen on his lips. 

'I love you, (Y/n) (L/n). I have loved you since we first met, at every case, at every movie night, every time you made me coffee. I love how you find the light amidst the darkness, how you give yourself completely to everyone you meet. I love the crinkle in your forehead every time you get mad at me. I love all of you, and I don't have to promise you that I will stay by your side through it all for the rest of our lives. You have had me since day one, and that will never change, even in death. But before that final day comes, I look forward to making the most of what time we have left loving you.'

The guests clapped so loudly that he almost didn't hear your soft sobs. But he did, and he pulled you into a quick hug before you pulled yourself away.

'Oh my goodness, I just want to kiss you,' you admitted quietly to him, bringing laughter out of him. But you quickly pulled your self away, using your free hand to grab an A4-sized piece of paper from JJ and return to face Spencer.

'Unfortunately, I don't have an eidetic memory so I will be using some assistance for this next bit,' you joked, stopping your flow of tears briefly as everyone chuckled, appreciative for the break in overwhelming emotions. Spencer breathed in deeply, steadying his heartbeat as much as possible. His part was done, but he knew this next part would be the hardest to retain composure. 

'Spencer,' you began, one hand shakily holding your vows, while the other gripped onto Spencer like your life depended on it. In a sense, after today, it would. 'From the moment I first met you, I knew you were special. That you would leave a mark on my life in one form or another. Some sad part of me sometimes thought it would be when you inevitably shot yourself because you couldn't pass your marksman test after three goes-' Cue Spencer looking to Hotch apologetically while the rest of the guests laughed. '-or because, in our line of work, any day could be our last, and I wouldn't rule out any psychopaths intervening with that. However, despite it all, you're still here, and I couldn't be more thankful that you are. You amaze me everyday, Spencer - with your knowledge of the world, your intellectual insight, how you are almost incapable of growing any substantial amount of facial hair.'

You were glad people were laughing now, because what you were about to say next was going to take all your composure not to fall apart. 

'But it is your heart and your ability to connect with people that has captured me completely. Our story has been... unconventional, to put it plainly. We were colleagues first, then friends, then you became my best friend, and I thought I couldn't be happier than that. But maybe it has something to do with some chemicals in the brain that are stimulated when you hang around someone you admire and adore long enough - you know, science stuff - or fate. I don't necessarily believe in either, but I do believe in us, Spencer. I believe that we are two souls choosing to become one for the rest of our lives; I believe you are my person, and the one I choose to face each and everyday with; I believe we haven't overcome all that we have for nothing; and I am not the least bit surprised it took nearly getting blown up to admit how I truly feel about you.'

Spencer couldn't care that what you said about brain chemicals was technically incorrect, it was so you, and there was not a dry eye in the backyard as you looked up at him finally, sheet long forgotten, and (e/c) eyes shining bright with tears and love.

'I love you, Spencer Reid,' you said breathlessly, but loud enough for everyone to hear. 'You have experienced the worst of humanity over and over again, and yet here you stand with me, smiling, happy, choosing to believe in happy endings. You are a wonder - my wonder - and I can't wait to spend everyday from now loving you, and being wowed by you. From now... until I cannot breathe, and even then beyond.'

You gave the paper back to JJ, then returned your full attention to Spencer. It was like it was only you two, the clapping from your guests dulled as well as Rossi's final words. But Spencer didn't miss a beat when he heard him say, 'By the power vested in me and my online-approved minister credentials, I pronounce you husband and wife. Go on kids, you've earned it.'

Spencer swooped you into the sweetest, loving kiss he could muster, gently cradling your neck and cheeks as your lips met in a soft collision. It wasn't lustful (that would certainly come later), but it was consuming, like two forces being pulled together by a magnet. You were separate entities choosing to become one, and it made you smile through your kiss and for the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening. 

You both partied with your family and friends, but you always managed to find your way back to one another despite the chaos. He now cradled you gently as you swayed together on the dance floor, fatigue settling in. You held each other up as you did, content to just be with each other in the final moments of your special day. Emily, your new section chief, had ordered you both take two weeks off to celebrate your honey moon. Because God knew when the next time you'd be able to relax would be when you both came back to work.

You shifted in his arms, manoeuvring yourself to look up at him, a delirious, tired and happy smile adorning your pretty lips. 'I love you, Spencer Reid.'

He leaned in for a brief but loving kiss before saying, 'I love you, (Y/n) Reid.'

Something about how his last named paired with your first name sounded that warmed him inside. The same feeling lit up in your eyes, but maybe that was just the happy tears that formed there, too. 

'We're the Reids now,' you whispered in disbelief, probably due to the amount of alcohol you had consumed throughout the day. 'You're my husband!'

'Yes I am,' he murmured, pulling you back to his chest to lay your head. 'Forever and always.'

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader) - The End

My Wonder (Spencer Reid x Reader) - The End Word Count: 1702 Reader insert: she/her pronouns. She is not American unless you are, just has a previous history in American law enforcement. Warnings: mentions of amnesia, death, tears will be shed, and soft fluff Spoilers: none

All his life, Dr. Spencer Reid has been told he is a genius - gifted, different. When you, a new member of the BAU, arrive, he expects the same weirded-out reaction from you as everyone does. But when you don't, and you instead find him interesting, Spencer finds himself forming an attachment to you. And as the years go on, is it really any wonder that he falls for you?

This is one of six times you secretly say I love you to Spencer, and one time he says it back in the same fashion: at the end of it all.

Full story | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

The last time he heard you say those special words was the day you said goodbye.

It wasn't until you fell pregnant with your first child that you found a proper house to live in. You'd been content with the studio apartment you'd found and moved into one year into your relationship, but when you fell pregnant, Spencer knew you would need a bigger space. One that you could call your own and make a home out of. 

Your forever home.

Surprisingly, it hadn't taken long to find something: a nice rustic, two-storey house on the outskirts of DC. It was in a nice neighbourhood , far enough out of the city to be quiet, but close enough you could both get to work quick enough in case of an emergency. The moment you'd laid eyes on it, you fell in love with it, and Spencer knew without question this would be where you brought your family up.

He traipsed through the house with two cups of tea. Coffee had started to disagree with him after he quit the BAU, as if that were the only place he needed it. Teaching and guest lecturing at all the local universities was nowhere near the stress level of the BAU, and so he'd switched to tea. Somehow, in his (as he called it) pre-retirement, it tasted sweeter.

You had stepped down from being a profiler at the BAU after your third child was born, realising that with a four and two year old waiting outside the birth suite to meet their baby brother, you couldn't risk leaving your three babies without a mother. And while leaving the BAU, your home of close to twenty years, wrought a grief out of you that was close to unbearable, you knew it was the right decision and right time.

And you soon found a love for writing - fiction, non-fiction, poetry, it didn't matter. What you'd experienced in your career as a profiler had changed you, and sometimes writing it out made it less haunting, it gave you closure. You went on book tours, consulted on scholarly and literary journals, you even were brought into Spencer's classrooms to guest lecture from time to time.

All the while building and loving the family both of you had always dreamed of.

Spencer smiled at the dusty pictures that lined the walls, of the faces of his children and grandchildren smiling back him. Of the faces of friends old and new, of ghosts he used to know from a time long gone. Sometimes he hardly recognised himself in those pictures. He wasn't the vain type, but when he looked at himself in his 20's and 30's, he couldn't help the yearning that pulled at his heart when he did. 

He compared those youthful pictures against his present day, laughing at the barely existent grey stubble he now sported, of the white hair that curled and stood up in any and all directions, of the glasses he now permanently had to wear. You always said he looked sexier with glasses, anyways, so he didn't mind.

Those pictures were his memory, his legacy, his life. When he felt his brain burning, when his memory became a bit too fuzzy, he could always look at the pictures and find solace in how those moments would live on in the people he loved.

'Spence?'

Your voice prompted him to keep moving, to let go of the past and remain in the present. He wandered through the rest of the house to the backyard, where two garden chairs sat either side of a coffee table, looking over the yard. The gardens were filled with flowers of all shapes and colours. He wasn't a nature guy by any means, but Spencer wanted you to have something to look after other than him or the children, something you could be proud of when you were much older. So he'd planted it himself (okay, he needed help from Derek), filling it with flowers that expressed all the wonderful qualities he loved about you.

There was a small gardening shed in the back, a quaint barbecue/entertainment area to one side, and a build-your-own playground just sitting on the lawn. He found you sitting comfortably in one of the chairs, staring out at the yard contently. He placed both cups of tea on the table before taking his own seat in the other chair.

'Do you remember how Jason used to carry Diana on his back up the slide?' you asked gently, a fond smile cracking your dry lips at the memory of your children playing on the very same playground their children now played on when they visited. 'You always got so scared they would fall and hurt themselves.'

'Isn't that our job?' he asked, taking a sip of his tea. 'To worry for our children?'

'You didn't have to be a helicopter parent, though,' you jibed playfully. 'You got better when Aaron was old enough to climb himself, so I can't berate you for that.'

'Speaking of which, Aaron just called, said him, Rachel and the kids want to invites us to dinner on Friday.'

You turned and smiled at him, but he saw how tired you were. It was in the slight droop in your lips when you smiled, it was in the slouch of your shoulders, it was the way you held out your hand for him to grasp and you could barely squeeze him back. You'd been like this for days, and it broke Spencer's heart to see the love of his life slowly fade away right beside him. He knew it was a natural way of life - considering their previous occupations, he was grateful to be even given the chance to grow old with you. 

But despite natural law and despite his many blessings, it didn't dull the ache that grew more painful everyday.

'You don't have to be here, Spence,' you said, voice barely above a whisper, like it was just a secret only you two shared. 'You've seen enough death already.'

Spencer placed his cup on the table before getting out of his chair (a feat he struggled withe everyday now, his BAU days finally catching up to him) and walking around to your side, bringing both his hands to clasp yours as he knelt beside you.

'I'm not going anywhere,' he said, willing every ounce of sincerity and love into his words, into his hands as he held your frail ones. 'Forever and always, remember?'

Spencer almost broke down when your eyes locked with his, those shining (e/c) orbs sparkling with life and mischief and wonder. Despite what time had done to you, you were still his (Y/n), his best friend, his partner, his lover and saviour.

You nodded as if to say yes, I do remember. I always will. You pull one hand free of his grip, and use it to cradle his wrinkled cheeks. 'We've lived a good life, haven't we, Spence?'

He pulled one hand away to caress your hand on his cheek, holding it there for as long as he could. 'Yes. Yes we have.'

Your eyes scanned over him, suddenly seeing your life in rewind. 

You saw him as he was now, white, Einstein hair, wrinkled skin and glasses. Then with only little streaks of white in his hair, more sleek. That's how he was with the kids. You kept going back, to your wedding, to your engagement, to the first time you kissed. Every movie night, every case, every late night in the office. Until you were seeing him as if for the first time. Kind of dorky, kind of sweet, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed to explain to you how his "physics magic" worked that very first day in the office.

It was like he was seeing you for the first time as well, as you smiled your bright smile like you did on that first day. The smile you had smiled for him every day since. The smile he saw in your children, and then your grandchildren.

'You are a true wonder, Spence,' you whispered softly, using what little strength you had left to squeeze the hand that still clasped yours as if to say thank you. 'My wonder.'

He waited for the lump in his throat to form, for the words to get stuck in his throat like they always did before. But the lump never formed, and so the words flowed like water out of him, finally feeling right.

'And you are mine,' he whispered back, smiling as bright as he could for you as he held you. 'You always have been my wonder.'

You bring his lips to yours one last time before dropping your hand from his face and sitting back in your seat, looking more tired than you'd ever been. But your other hand still held his, and he certainly wasn't going to let you go. Not yet.

'Spence,' you wheezed, eyes struggling to stay open on him.

Spencer pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, using his now free hand to stroke your grey hair in soothing motions. 'It's okay. You can rest now. I'll join you soon enough.'

The slight dip of your chin let him know you understood, and soon after you closed your eyes, your hand grew slack in his hold and your chest ceased rising. 

You were gone.

And he was still here.

It was only then did Spencer allow the tears to fall, to acknowledge that despite both of your acceptances, he was sad. You'd lived good, long lives, and even then Spencer believed it was not enough time to love all of you. He knew it was selfish, but he figured after all he'd been through he would be allowed this one wish.

He held you for another hour before he called your children to notify them of your passing. 

He held on for another year before he joined you. Cause of death: a broken heart.

He was buried beside you in the family lot, and on your joint headstone, it wrote: 

Here lies Dr. Spencer Reid and Mrs. (Y/n) Reid. Loving Husband and Wife and Parents. "You truly are a wonder."

The Way Back Home (Spencer Reid x Reader) - Prologue

The Way Back Home (Spencer Reid x Reader) - The Prologue Word Count: 4001 Reader Insert: she/her pronouns Warnings: major angst, major fluff, mentions of murder, crime scenes, near-death experiences, slow-burnish romance, death, canon violence, rape, swearing, guns, knives, prostitution, canon cuteness of the team. Spoilers: Maeve's death, mentions of previous cases or canon events from seasons 1-10.

Spencer and you have an unspoken connection with one another. Nothing has ever happened between you two, especially since everything went down with Maeve, but your love has grown and overcome and is now clear as day to everyone. However, just when Spencer builds up enough courage to ask you out officially, you're requested on an undercover mission that halts your budding relationship in its tracks.

Months go by without a word from you until bodies of prostitutes start showing up in New York and the BAU is brought in to help. Spencer and you finally reunite as both your cases collide, but your lives and your love are both on the line now.

Will you and Spencer be able to find the way back home this time?

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Epilogue

~~~

You released a tired, relieved sigh as you and the rest of the team exited the elevator and walked back into the bullpen. You'd just landed back after a week in Utah chasing a serial killer who turned out to be a mormon. He killed in the name of burning out the false children of God from humanity - literally. The Unsub managed to burn six innocent people alive before they apprehended him.

'I cannot wait to go home for a hot bath and a good glass of scotch,' Rossi said, rubbing at the kink in his neck from the sleep home on the plane.

'Ditto,' Alex said. 'James is home for the weekend, and he has promised me some home made pie that I am very much looking forward to.'

You smiled as you reached your desk, the echo of the others adding to the conversation of what they were looking forward to when they got home warming the usually busy room as they passed you. A sense of comfort and relief washed over you as you placed your go-bag on your desk. Hearing all your friends' voices back in the office after a mission was never a guarantee, so you relished every time you heard them, regardless of the conversation.

You looked up when a figure entered your peripheral vision, and that comfort and warm feeling spread further through you when you saw who it was.

'What about you, Y/N?' Spencer said by way of greeting, a soft smile gracing his own tired features. 'What is waiting for you at home on this fine Friday evening?'

You paused to think about it for a second, a content smile tugging at your lips at the thought. 'Well, unless I've been robbed in the last few days, I will be enjoying a nice glass of moscato while I order pasta from the restaurant below my apartment, and snuggle in with my book that I've spent literally months trying to finish,' you said dreamily, the thought of good food and good wine and a good book sounding almost too good to be true. But Garcia had informed the team before landing that no new cases had been submitted and so you had the weekend to yourselves.

'That all?' he asked, amusement dancing on his lips.

You chuckled, shaking your head. 'I know. First Friday night home in DC in a while and I am choosing to stay at home instead. The utter shame of it all.'

You both laughed, and it pleased you to see his amber eyes light up after the long week you'd had.

'I didn't mean that as a bad thing,' Spencer said, brushing a stray curl from out of his eyes. Even though it was the shortest length it'd ever been, some rogue curls still managed to dangle out of confinement every once in a while. 'What book are you reading?'

'Don't laugh at me, but... The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes.'

Spencer's brow furrowed curiously. 'Why would I laugh? I love Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's work.'

You shrugged, casually leaning against your desk as you crossed your arms. 'I know, it just seems a little silly that a federal agent is reading some old detective stories.'

'Actually, Doyle was one of the forefathers of detective fiction, as he brought in the concept that the science of deduction isn't just physical evidence but psychological observations. He created a space where all the sciences we know today can help in solving crime, and actually paved the way for more psychological avenues to be taken more seriously in academia and law enforcement. If you think about it, without Sherlock, you and I may not have our jobs as profilers right now.' Spencer paused when he realised he was rambling, and despite your soft, encouraging smile, he saw the tired blankness in your eyes.

Spencer licked his lips before speaking again. 'What I'm trying to say is... I don't think it's silly at all.'

You nodded your thanks although you knew you didn't need to. 'So what about you?', you asked in return. 'What will entertain Dr. Spencer Reid on this "fine Friday evening"?'

His words repeated back to him kept the smile on his face, more importantly the life in his eyes. But he began to fiddle with the strap of his satchel bag, and you couldn't help but notice he slightly swayed. Like he was nervous or something. It was cute.

He was cute.

You forced the rising heat in your cheeks to stay underneath the surface to not give away your embarrassment or your inner thoughts. Thoughts you'd been having since the day you'd met him six years ago. Thoughts that you'd suppressed so as to not interfere with your work, and then later so it wouldn't ruin your hard-built friendship.

When he told you about Maeve, you'd had mixed feelings. Of course, you'd been ecstatic for him that he'd found someone he could be himself with, and even more so when he disclosed to you that no one else knew about her - just you. But you couldn't deny the twinge of sadness that pulled at your heart knowing that that someone he could be himself with wasn't you.

But you hadn't hesitated, hadn't faltered when he'd needed a shoulder to cry on when Maeve was killed. Once he decided to open up and accept help, you were first in line to help keep the young doctor afloat in his sea of grief and loss.

It's been over a year since Maeve's death now, and while she would always remain important in his heart, he had, for the most part, moved on, slowly getting back to be his usual, quirky, logical self.

The past year and a bit has only brought you two closer together, and as much as you have tried to hide how amazing that makes you feel, you've had plenty of conversations with Penelope and others on the team about finally asking the boy wonder out. It's not like you didn't want to, but if Maeve was his type of girl, you just weren't sure you were what Spencer was looking for in a romantic partner. Besides, you were happy with your friendship.

It was by far the most precious relationship you had aside from your family - why ruin it?

You quickly realised you'd both been silent for a while, Spencer still not having answered your question yet. 'Spence?' you prompted gently.

The cute doctor managed to grasp his satchel strap fiercely and ground himself back in the present. 'R-Right. I too have a book at home. The one you got me for my birthday, actually.'

'Oh yes!' The Shining Girls by Lauren Beukes. You'd been hooked from the first line, and by the time you finished, all you could think about was how much you thought Spencer would enjoy it. So you instantly wrapped up your own personal copy and waited for Spencer's birthday to roll around. You never told him it was yours, you just hoped he didn't notice the slight bend in the spine or minuscule tears in some pages from you flipping them too quickly. 'I've been meaning to ask you if you enjoyed it or not. I just assumed you'd read it already.'

'We've just been so busy with cases lately. I haven't had time to even consider picking it up.'

You rolled your eyes. 'Come on, we both know you could've finished that book on one of our plane rides.'

He shrugged, eyes dipping for a moment before landing back on you. 'I know. I guess... I just wanted to give it the time and attention it deserved,' he settled on, and the honesty in both his words and his eyes threatened to steal your breath.

A silence that rested between comfortable and awkward settled upon you two. This had happened many times in recent weeks although you weren't quite sure why. Regardless of your hidden feelings and the tragedy of Maeve, neither of you lost your comfortability with one another.

'So... we've both got book dates tonight,' you said in an attempt to break the silence. The rest of the team was still chatting just a little away from them, but it felt like it was just the two of you sometimes when you talked.

'Well, actually, maybe...' Spencer started, and his fingers were twitching again. 'I was wondering if maybe you'd want t-to bring your book over and... join me, tonight.'

The request wasn't an unusual one. In fact, you'd conducted your own mini book club between the two of you on plenty of occasions. Mainly because you both found out you were the kind of people that liked your personal time and space, but didn't like the thought of being completely alone. This wasn't new, but it warmed your heart all the same at the gesture.

'That sounds great, Spence!' you said heartily. 'Give me half an hour and I'll be around at yours-'

'Actually,' Spencer interrupted, 'I was thinking we could grab some dinner together first. You know, like at a restaurant or some place you can sit in at.'

'...Like a date?' you asked softly, breathlessly. The words just kind of slipped from you before you even contemplated how they would affect Spencer. It just felt natural and right.

Your heart pounded like a jackhammer between your ribs, but you were more concerned at what expression Spencer would pull in the next five seconds.

To your relief, he smiled that small little smile of his that spoke volumes of his insecurity but also of his genuine intentions. 'Yeah. I guess it is like a date,' he finally replied.

Oh my goodness. He was nervous. His words were rushed and higher-pitched in tone. but you still managed to understand him, as well as what dinner implied.

A half-smile pulled at your lips. 'Dr. Spencer Reid,' you began softly, half-scared, half-excited to speak the words you'd been holding back for so long. 'Are you asking me out on a date right now?'

At your words, his anxiety seemed to disappear, as he stopped fidgeting with the satchel strap and took a daring step closer to you. 'I guess I am.'

You couldn't stop it now, the smile of pure joy you'd been holding back from splitting your face open. After years of suffering silently, of repressing the truth, it was all worth it for that one question.

'So what do you say, SSA Y/N L/N,' he quipped cheekily. 'Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?'

The answer was right there in the tip of your tongue, almost spewing from you, when your name was called out across the bullpen for all to hear.

The globe of silence and serenity that had built around Spencer and yourself suddenly shattered as you both, alongside the rest of the team, turned to Hotch standing in his office doorway. But while you all looked at him, his hard gaze was honed in on you.

'L/N,' he called again, having your attention now. 'Can I see you in my office, please?'

You looked between him and Spencer, unsure who to answer first. In the end, you were still technically on the clock so you nodded at your boss and said, 'Sure, I'll be in there shortly.'

'This can't wait, I'm sorry.'

It was the seriousness and discomfort in his voice that caused you to throw aside your personal agenda, giving Spencer an apologetic look before quickly making your way through the bullpen, up the stairs and into his office. You tried not to look at your team too much as you did, but you felt their gazes on the back of your head nevertheless.

They were just as confused as you were, then.

'Close the door,' Hotch instructed gently, to which you obliged. He pointed to the seat on the other side of his desk. 'Have a seat.'

'Everything okay, Hotch?' you asked, taking a seat in the chair. 'Oh no. Did I make an error in one of my reports again?'

'No, nothing like that,' he reassured you, which didn't help your already built up worry. For a moment, it was just you two sitting in his office in silence; you waited for him to explain his mysterious actions, while he seemed to struggle to find the right words.

He never struggled to find the right words.

You leaned forward in your seat, worry furrowing your brow. 'Hotch. What's wrong?'

'Nothing is wrong, so to say,' he insisted, but his frown remained. 'I've just been in contact with your old unit chief from Organised Crime. They believe there is an underground operation being conducted by gang leaders in Manhattan that involves the transporting, selling and purchasing of girls and women in the prostitute industry.'

'Okay,' you drawled out, more confused than ever. 'What has this got to do with us?'

'It doesn't,' Hotch answered immediately. 'Just you. Your old unit chief wants you back to go undercover in the case.'

'What?' You stood up from your seat instead of shouting, but goodness it took all your strength not to. 'Why do they need me? They have a whole squadron of agents to choose from.'

'They want a profiler to help them find out who these people are first, then go undercover and become part of the operation's inner circle and report back to them,' Hotch explained, although his tone displayed his displeasure in saying so. 'Y/N, you have more experience in undercover missions than anyone else on this team, even before you joined us as a profiler.'

You knew his words to be true, but the reality of it all was an ever-growing weight on your chest. 'What they are asking, Hotch, could take weeks, months even. Those kind of people will not trust so easily,' you tried reasoning with him.

You couldn't help but look through the blinds to your team still standing and talking outside in the bullpen. To Spencer, who had joined the team since you had left, but just looked at the window as if he could find out what was going on behind the glass and blinds if he looked long enough. It broke your heart to think you wouldn't see him for months, maybe even years.

Because that was the thing with undercover missions. Once you assumed the life of someone else, your old life became non-existent. That meant no contact with anyone outside of the case as a safety precaution.

That meant no talking to Spencer, or anyone in the BAU, until the case ended. Or unless you were killed, in which case you wouldn't be able to do a lot of talking anyways.

You turned back around at the sound of Hotch standing from his seat and coming around the desk to speak directly in front of you, no walls to hide behind. 'You know I wouldn't be asking if I hadn't tried to change their mind first. But even I can't argue that you are the best agent for the job.'

You nodded your understanding even if you hated to admit he was right. 'I guess it's not one of those jobs that I can decline, is it?'

Hotch shook his head regrettably. 'Head Chief requested for you personally. You've already been taken off the roster here at the BAU so you're not disturbed by other cases.'

Hearing that was just rubbing salt in the wound, and you hated the burning feeling of tears rising at the back of your eyes. You were already gone from here, like a ghost that didn't realise she was one to begin with.

Hotch's hand rested heavy on your shoulder as he comforted you. 'We can discuss your return to work when your mission is over. You will always have a place with us, Y/N.'

You attempted a smile, but it was strained as you tried to force back tears. You wiped at the strays that dribbled down your cheeks, pulling yourself back together before speaking again. 'All right. How long do I have before I am expected in the Big Apple?'

'There's someone waiting for you at your apartment already. They'll take you to their headquarters when you're done packing tonight.'

You sucked in air as you felt your whole world tilt unstably. Tonight. You had to leave tonight. Again, you found yourself seeking out Spencer through the half-closed blinds.

'So what do you say, SSA Y/N L/N? Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?'

You bit your lip as you blinked your tears away, trying but failing to ignore the cry of your heart as its strings were pulled harshly. 'Tonight?' you asked in the hope you'd misheard.

But no such hope existed, unfortunately.

'Yes,' Hotch said, that one word the final nail in the coffin of your impending suffering. 'I'm sorry. This goes without saying, but don't mention any of this to the team as you leave. Only myself and Section Chief Cruz will know where you are and the details of your mission.'

You huffed out a joyless laugh. 'Hiding truths from a team of profilers is like playing poker with a mirror attached to your face,' you said, and you didn't bother to hide your displeasure and sadness when you did. 'They're going to ask questions, and they will find out the truth eventually.'

'Let me worry about that,' Hotch said gently, letting go of you and leaving a cold mark where his hand once was. 'You've got bags to pack.'

'Right.' You sucked in a few deep breaths before making your way to the door. tears burned at your eyes again but you couldn't let the team see you like this. You couldn't let Spencer see you like this.

Because you had a job to do. And you always finished a job.

Before you could open the door handle, however, Hotch stopped you once more. 'Y/N.'

You looked at him, forcing an expression of blankness and indifference. 'Yes, sir?'

He must've seen your inner struggle, as he offered one of those genuine smiles of his that were oh so rare. 'We'll see you when you get back,' he said.

It wasn't a promise or a done deal, but it was the most hope you could ask for right now. So you smiled your thanks, nodded your goodbye, and opened the door back into the bullpen.

Immediately, all eyes set upon you and the room grew quiet. Your first instinct was to cry, then to run, then to blurt everything out because you hated keeping secrets. But you remembered what had just been said, and you whipped a bright smile onto your face to hide your despair.

'Don't you guys have homes to go to?' you asked cheerily, walking down the stairs as casually as possibly. You would've bee-lined for your bag, but if you moved too quickly they would suspect something. 'I recall hot baths and scotch were awaiting most of us, are they not?'

Thankfully Rossi took the bait, and picked up his go-bag in a huge huff. 'The lady is right. I spend enough time with you people as is, I am not wasting anymore not drinking and soaking.'

'Soaking in what? The bath or scotch?' JJ asked, also picking up her go-bag to make her way back to the elevator.

The group devolved into laughs and other jests, and you breathed a sigh of relief as you picked up your go-bag and followed them. Before you could though, a gentle call of your name halted you in your tracks, out of both politeness and frozen fear.

'Hey,' Spencer started, looking between you and Hotch's office. 'What was all that about?'

'Oh, uh, nothing super important,' you said, scrambled as you words were. 'Just a paperwork issue. Again.'

He broke out in smile that set your heart aflutter despite your inner turmoil. 'You know, you really shouldn't do paperwork on the plane when you're tired if you're just going to make a mistake. You're better off leaving it to the morning when your brain and body has rested enough to comprehend what the paperwork is asking of you.'

'Well sorry if I don't want to do a mountain of paperwork when I come back into the office,' you countered, grateful for the playful distraction as you made it over to the elevator. The others were just piling in when Spencer halted you again.

'So...' he dragged out, eyes flickering between you and teh floor nervously, '...what do you say?'

'To what?' you asked.

'To dinner. You didn't have time to give me an answer before.'

Shit. Your voice failed you now as you grasped at words - any words - to tell him. Your heart screamed yes, but there was someone waiting for you back home. A home you wouldn't be visiting for who knows how long.

Capitalising on your gaping mouth, you forced out a yawn and feigned covering it up out of embarrassment. 'Oh my goodness, sorry about that. Um, actually, now that you mention it, I am pretty beat. I'm just... going to go home and sleep it off if that's all right.'

It pained you to see his smile drop at your words, to see the hope leave his beautiful eyes at your rejection. And you knew you shouldn't say anything or make promises you couldn't keep, but you couldn't just leave him with no hope.

'Maybe next week sometime,' you offered, hoping your smile could bring some of that light back. 'You know, you've never tried the Italian Restaurant under my apartment before. We could go there. On me.'

Instinctively, you reached for his hand, relishing in the warmth it held and brought into you. To your relief, he didn't pull away. Instead, you got your smile back, and a little light returned to his eyes. You were kind of glad you wouldn't be around when the light left him completely.

'Okay,' he said softly, surprising you with a gentle squeeze of your hand in his. 'It's a date.'

'Yeah,' you replied, trying and failing to push aside the fluttering sensation his words gave your heart. You were only prolonging not only your pain, but his.

Selfish. So selfish.

'Come on, you two,' Derek called out from the elevator. 'I can't hold these doors open forever. Savannah will kill me if I miss our dinner reservations.'

You both quickly made it in to the elevator before Derek let them close on you, and then you were caught up in the chaos that was your team. You weren't sure how you got onto the topic of what scotch goes best with what foods, but you didn't care. It made you happy to know they never let the weight of a dark case get in the way of living their own lives to them fullest.

You all reached the car park and before you could make a run for your car, Spencer called out to you. 'See you Monday, Y/N!'

You turned back around to face not only him, but Derek, JJ, Penelope, Alex, and David as they all slowly went for their cars too.

You caught yourself staring at them, taking their happy faces in one last time before you left them behind. Hotch said you'd always have a place with the BAU, but you weren't sure how long this mission would take. And if you'd be replaced by then.

You forced a smile onto your face and waved them farewell. 'Yeah, see you then.'

You hated the bitter taste the lie brought to your mouth, but you managed to keep it together long enough that you got in your car and drove out of the car park without any more issues. That's when the tears came.

You wouldn't be there next Monday, and were not getting that date with Spencer next week.

It hurt you more to think that you may not get that date at all.