Still Not Over It - Tumblr Posts
one year today
This.
My 4 year relationship ended because he got tired of my debilitating depression and didn’t know how to help me other than kicking me out and making my mom’s house the only place I could go.
After years of threatening to leave and not leaving, he gave me the false hope, made me think we could survive it. But he bailed and I was left to pick up the pieces on my own.
Sure it was for the best cuz neither of us were mentally well, cocooned together in my misery, but I keep thinking, if he had the strength to leave sooner (cuz obvs my BPD and codependent ass wasn’t going anywhere), not keep making those empty threats that just sent me spiraling further down waiting for it to be true, maybe I would have been better by now.
You say you're not "threatening" to leave me, that you WILL leave me if I don't change. You've been saying that for years more and more. I don't understand why you don't just leave instead of making me think I have a chance and staying out of guilt and pity. I don't like being lied to just so you don't hurt me because you think I'll destroy myself. What's meant to be is meant to be.
fukufuku be like [BSD S5E11 SPOILERS]
fukuzawa: absolute power corrupts absolutely. fukuchi: maybe for everyone else, but not for you. *dies*
I saw him ride by on his bike just now as I was out for a walk. I am confident he didn't see me.
There was a woman on the back.
Rage surged. Not because there's a girl, but because she's wearing my helmet.
One of the things that he has of mine is a cream and sugar set my parents got as a wedding present.
I'm so angry about it right now I can't sleep.
We’ve hit Anger, for now
A few years ago, my friend’s city had to be evacuated due to a wildfire. Pictures from the evacuation process look exactly what I (an atheist, and admittedly not a theology expert) picture Hell to look like. It is pure terror.
Once my friend was able to return to her residence she found that it had burned to the ground. She and her partner had lost everything.
I remember her telling me the frustration she felt trying to talk about it. She heard a lot of “but at least you’re ok, it could have been so much worse!” My experience is different than her’s, but I understand her now much more than I did then.
I am Angry. Yep, Capital A.
When I actually sat down and looked at the numbers, I handed him 6 figures. I got years of therapy and the prospect of never being right again nothing.
When I think about how I’m killing myself to pay off debt that I got into to appease him, and scraping pennies together to try to get myself even half way to where I was with him, yeah, I get Angry.
I am angry for the life he stole from me.
I’m furious he’s sitting in MY home, with MY bed and MY furniture, and gifts MY family got us, with MY money lining his bank accounts and MY trinkets and heirlooms that have no real value in this world aside from the memories and connections they have to me lining his shelves and cupboards.
I have tried to talk about this, and very well meaning people, tell me “It’s a small price to pay.” “You’re lucky you got out.” “It could be so much worse.”
Listen, no one feels my mortality or how “so much worse” it could have been more than me. You weren’t there when he was threatening me with kitchen knives, putting pillows over my face, smashing my head against walls, pushing me down stairs, or threatening me with tools.
You weren’t there. I was. I know. I get the fucking flashbacks that remind me any time I’m feeling too comfortable. Do you really think the other stuff is “a small price to pay?” You have no idea.
I know, they mean well, and they’re trying to make me feel better, but they aren’t. They’re trivializing my loss, and making me feel as though I should feel guilty for being angry.
I’m entitled to my rage; I will take it and let it wash over me.
which fictional death has affected you the most emotionally? like had you straight up crying your eyes out or similar responses
I picture the Riders of Mannan like Nazgûl with bronze armour btw (except that they have faces under the hoods but same vibes)
bts gif battle with @lyseries & @filmsout week 5: favourite stage outfits → 200227 ‘ON’
⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ☥ muse by Jimin 🕯️🦇 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪
divider by @kyejiz
Ambrose & Kodiak from The Darkness Outside Us
He needed more shirtless, muscle appreciation
Let’s be honest. Zac MADE this movie. We were truly blessed.
Hey hey hey do you think about how in that final Hannibal episode in the stabby stabby scene they probably couldn't see. How the blood was probably pouring into their eyes and in their hair and clothes and everything was blurry and someone's standing in front of you. The love of your life or your worst enemy or someone who you can only hope to survive. And yet, you would know intrinsically who that person is. What they've done. They would know the same. And in your final act on this earth, you hold them.
That's fucking wild
Summer walker’s new album will 100% be affecting my writing. Be ready for some angst shit
Friendly reminder SUMMER WALKERS new album will be released tmw 😙
Friendly reminder SUMMER WALKERS new album will be released tmw 😙
you want a banana? ill give you banana fish <3
this is not funny at all, idk why i laughed at this
babe,,, I cried at this