No Guilt - Tumblr Posts
Y’all be grateful for consequences because if there were no consequences I would just do whatever the hell I wanted with no moral compass whatsoever
Anyone who talks about how “edgy” they are needs to go take a bath in acid.
It makes it so hard for people to talk about their actual homicidal ideation or low empathy or low guilt or delusions or other stigmatised symptoms of mental illness.
I shouldn't have to clarify that my delusions are actual harmful, prolonged periods of distorted reality or that when I say I want to kill someone I mean that I have dark fantasies where I kill them in graphic detail.
I don't feel empathy. I don't feel guilt. Most of the time, I don't feel anything for other people. It's not quirky. It's not a joke. It's not something you can say you experience only to turn around and criticise the moment I go more in depth.
Stop trying to be cool by imitating mental illnesses. It's pathetic.
We’ve hit Anger, for now
A few years ago, my friend’s city had to be evacuated due to a wildfire. Pictures from the evacuation process look exactly what I (an atheist, and admittedly not a theology expert) picture Hell to look like. It is pure terror.
Once my friend was able to return to her residence she found that it had burned to the ground. She and her partner had lost everything.
I remember her telling me the frustration she felt trying to talk about it. She heard a lot of “but at least you’re ok, it could have been so much worse!” My experience is different than her’s, but I understand her now much more than I did then.
I am Angry. Yep, Capital A.
When I actually sat down and looked at the numbers, I handed him 6 figures. I got years of therapy and the prospect of never being right again nothing.
When I think about how I’m killing myself to pay off debt that I got into to appease him, and scraping pennies together to try to get myself even half way to where I was with him, yeah, I get Angry.
I am angry for the life he stole from me.
I’m furious he’s sitting in MY home, with MY bed and MY furniture, and gifts MY family got us, with MY money lining his bank accounts and MY trinkets and heirlooms that have no real value in this world aside from the memories and connections they have to me lining his shelves and cupboards.
I have tried to talk about this, and very well meaning people, tell me “It’s a small price to pay.” “You’re lucky you got out.” “It could be so much worse.”
Listen, no one feels my mortality or how “so much worse” it could have been more than me. You weren’t there when he was threatening me with kitchen knives, putting pillows over my face, smashing my head against walls, pushing me down stairs, or threatening me with tools.
You weren’t there. I was. I know. I get the fucking flashbacks that remind me any time I’m feeling too comfortable. Do you really think the other stuff is “a small price to pay?” You have no idea.
I know, they mean well, and they’re trying to make me feel better, but they aren’t. They’re trivializing my loss, and making me feel as though I should feel guilty for being angry.
I’m entitled to my rage; I will take it and let it wash over me.
My little sister is a bit h a stupid one at that
She's so fucking annoying she ain't sh t she tries to act like me be like me and it infuriates me she can fuk off
Trying to act like a fighter or violent person pssh fucking hilarious she's a pussy if she actually got into a fight she'd piss herself scared
I've fought since I was a child my mom literally had to put a lock on her bedroom door (not proud /just for reference)
I've fought a grown ass man when I was just a teen and won the fight granted I spent
a whole whopping month in juvenile jail but whatever (my fault)
I'd at this point i'd love to fight her and put her in her rightful place (bloody n on the ground)
I've done it with one sister I'll do it again
If she doesn't stop disrespecting our mother and being a cvnt I will definitely do so gladly
Great night!