Teenageproblems - Tumblr Posts

Greetings

Hi everyone! At first, I didn't intend on actually using the account to post anything but now I changed my mind and decided to make this my personal blog, so that way, I can post some things that's happening in my life and maybe have a chance to talk with anyone who have similar situations like me or anyone intesested. So, I'm Melody, and 17 years old and I'm an asian. And I'm gonna count today as my first day of blogging. I hope I get to talk with anyone.

So, I have a younger brother called william. As asians, since our mother language not being english, william and I were 'forced' to learn english by our somewhat strict asian parents. At first, I didn't very much enjoy it, but later on, I found myself enjoying learning it. The problem is william. He's not fond of studying, like at all. So, he only feels obligated to learn it, and slacking off. My parents are not having it. Every weekend, when william has english classes, they tend to throw tantrums. Seriously, it's affecting me and I can't take it. I'm really sensitive when it comes to family issues. What I think they 'should' do here is, instead of yelling, making a scene, comparing kids and stuffs, they 'really should' mame a stretagy plan on how to get him interested and actually start learning. Them throwing tantrums is seriously not helping at all. If it were me in his shoes, I simply wouldn't be ae to take it, the pressure is too much. I really hope they stop. I tried comforting them but they won't understand my point. So, I just can't help but hope they realise it sooner.

That's it for today. I have many other things or cases, but since today's the first day, I wanna keep it somewhat brief and not too much to take in for someone out there who actually reads this. I'm not sure if people will see this or even bother to read but still this blogging will be the only thing that keeps me sane during the crazy things that's happening in my life. Thank you! I wish whoever's reading a great day and happiness!

~Melody~

Dreams

Hi, it’s me, Melody! What I wanna talk about this time is, dreams. Some teenagers have dreams about what they wanna do in the future and  some simply doesn't have one.Dreams do play an important role in peoples’ lives.  It’s totally fine if you don’t have one now, I believe you’ll find yours someday. 

As for me, I wanna be rich, like crazy rich, like a millionaire. Well, that’s actually a really common one if you think about it but still let a girl dream. Besides, it’s not entirely impossible for us, is it? There’s also another one; it’s to travel around the world. I’ve always wanted to visit those beautiful places that exist in this incredible world. That’ll be a great luxury. Imagine spending a night in an expensive suite and enjoying the scenery of the city. Everyone would love that, wouldn’t they? Okay so, before I get carried away with my daydreaming, I’ll stop this here and talk about my current reality. 

After I graduated from high school, I was actually lost about what to do. But then, I ended up choosing my university major as an IT student. Simply because there weren’t any other better choices that interest me. Back then, I was thinking, maybe I’ll become a game developer and apply for a job at a company. I got that idea solely from my love towards otome games (which are anime simulation types). But everything changed when my parents wanted me to continue their business in their stead. I had no interest in their work and I was strongly against the idea. They finally gave up but everything I’ve thought about until then crushed and I became lost again. I’ve decided to become a freelance software developer or something along the line at least. So that way, I can still fulfil my dream of traveling while I’m also able to work no matter where I am. My career path is pretty much unclear but I refuse to give up on my dream. I hope one day I’m able to do as I wish and  see my dreams becoming a reality. 

Thank you for reading till the end. I wish for you to find your dreams if you don’t have one yet and for those who has one, I wish you achieve it as soon as possible. Spreading love and kindness to everyone. I hope you have a good day!

~Melody~

day 5

30 days writing challenge

day 5: your parents

This is a sensitive topic; I never really tell people what I’m going through. One, cuz’ I don’t trust them, two, they won’t understand, three, I’m lost myself. My parents and I don’t have a very good relationship, at least from my perspective. Sure, they give me anything I could possibly want but it’s not that simple. In the past, I was stressed, depressed and my insecurities were drowning me. It’ll be unfair to say they’re the cause of those but they’re related to those in many ways. My parents make me feel emotionally drained. I’m not really sure it’s ok to put the blame on them; I mean I know they’re stressed themselves and had anger issues and had no clue on how to raise kids properly. I can’t be in the same place as them, it suffocates me. At least, thanks to them, I’m who I am today; mature for my age, learned to fight insecurities and depression. We all go through many hardships in life, and they shaped you into who you are. Well, I'm proud of who I am actually. And I made a vow to myself that when I get married and have kids in the future, I'll make sure they know they’re loved, and raise them the best of my abilities and not let the history repeat itself. 

I hope whoever’s reading a great day, stay safe and loved.  

Parents

My parents are literally so funny; they think parenting is just financially supporting the household and feeding us. It is as if that is they have the right to us. Like sir, madam, parenting has much more depth to it then that; even I know more about parenting than you who lived about twice the time I have ever lived. Please, it’s true you made those children but your children are not yours to manipulate and control or mold them into perfect shape, they’re their own person, you are just there to support them, not own them. And that’s on toxic parents. 

Being a perfectionist

My parents are no different than a stranger; they know what I am by the mask I put on, merely knowing my outer appearances. They see my mistakes, flaws, but they are blind to either what I’m going through or what I’m fighting against on the inside. They are keen to my faults but they are way too shallow to see my bleeding heart or scars. I’m a perfectionist, why? Because they won’t take it if I fail or make a mistake. Therefore, I grew up thinking being perfect is the only way for me to get love. They don’t see my efforts in doing the task but called me useless if I made so much as a single mistake. Since they won’t take even a fraction of a scrape on things I did, I had no choice but to accomplish everything perfectly, hoping that I will at least hear a praise. But you know what? There is none, there never was and there will never be. Now I know the answer as to why I always seek validation. At least I am with me. I will try to tell myself that there is no need to do everything perfectly anymore, instead I will pat myself on the back and say the words they failed to say; “good job”, “well done”, or “I’m proud of you.”