Asianparents - Tumblr Posts

Greetings

Hi everyone! At first, I didn't intend on actually using the account to post anything but now I changed my mind and decided to make this my personal blog, so that way, I can post some things that's happening in my life and maybe have a chance to talk with anyone who have similar situations like me or anyone intesested. So, I'm Melody, and 17 years old and I'm an asian. And I'm gonna count today as my first day of blogging. I hope I get to talk with anyone.

So, I have a younger brother called william. As asians, since our mother language not being english, william and I were 'forced' to learn english by our somewhat strict asian parents. At first, I didn't very much enjoy it, but later on, I found myself enjoying learning it. The problem is william. He's not fond of studying, like at all. So, he only feels obligated to learn it, and slacking off. My parents are not having it. Every weekend, when william has english classes, they tend to throw tantrums. Seriously, it's affecting me and I can't take it. I'm really sensitive when it comes to family issues. What I think they 'should' do here is, instead of yelling, making a scene, comparing kids and stuffs, they 'really should' mame a stretagy plan on how to get him interested and actually start learning. Them throwing tantrums is seriously not helping at all. If it were me in his shoes, I simply wouldn't be ae to take it, the pressure is too much. I really hope they stop. I tried comforting them but they won't understand my point. So, I just can't help but hope they realise it sooner.

That's it for today. I have many other things or cases, but since today's the first day, I wanna keep it somewhat brief and not too much to take in for someone out there who actually reads this. I'm not sure if people will see this or even bother to read but still this blogging will be the only thing that keeps me sane during the crazy things that's happening in my life. Thank you! I wish whoever's reading a great day and happiness!

~Melody~

Maladaptive daydreaming

Today I learned that my addiction with daydreaming and my habit of constantly daydreaming in order to fall asleep is a psychology disorder called maladaptive daydreaming. It is said to be caused by trauma. It usually serves as an escape from reality when things get too hard for me to manage and in doing so, I cultivated a hobby of writing stories and daydreaming on a daily basic. I also need to create these scenarios for me to actually fall asleep. If I clear these things out from my head and my head is clear, I won’t be able to fall asleep or get insomnia. I didn’t know that it was related to childhood trauma. Since I was young, this had been my way of coping with the reality. I escaped into this dream-like realm that I created in my head and immerse myself into it until I lose sense of reality and what is happening around me. I thought I was just too addicted to daydreaming.

Being a perfectionist

My parents are no different than a stranger; they know what I am by the mask I put on, merely knowing my outer appearances. They see my mistakes, flaws, but they are blind to either what I’m going through or what I’m fighting against on the inside. They are keen to my faults but they are way too shallow to see my bleeding heart or scars. I’m a perfectionist, why? Because they won’t take it if I fail or make a mistake. Therefore, I grew up thinking being perfect is the only way for me to get love. They don’t see my efforts in doing the task but called me useless if I made so much as a single mistake. Since they won’t take even a fraction of a scrape on things I did, I had no choice but to accomplish everything perfectly, hoping that I will at least hear a praise. But you know what? There is none, there never was and there will never be. Now I know the answer as to why I always seek validation. At least I am with me. I will try to tell myself that there is no need to do everything perfectly anymore, instead I will pat myself on the back and say the words they failed to say; “good job”, “well done”, or “I’m proud of you.”