Life Struggles - Tumblr Posts
My art teacher wants me to buy new paint for class but $$$ is nonexistent for me. She then says that I have to have a specific acrylic paint but I only have Gouache paint that used last semester for another teacher. Idk why she canāt let me use it, all she said was that the her supervisor told her āNo Gouacheā š¤¦š¾āāļø THEN WHY DID I USE IT LAST SEMESTER? And why am I hearing about this now? Iāve been in this class for 4 weeks. š I also did an assignment for her like weeks ago but now sheās saying to restart it when I have timeā¦ š š¾āāļø Anyway this teacher isnāt my favourite.
I need a day off š
My brain yesterday: creates chapters full of the most beautiful poetic descriptions and dialogue known to man
My brain today: what the fuck is words
Going to the beach is something I hate because I get some triggers just by looking at the sea; however, I love to see the sun down in action to experience the new colors that a pure yellow could do.
When you texted someone as a kid actually wanting to have a nice chat, but the other person just didn't care..
All the guys I like are gay, all the girls I like are straight.
Life, why so hard?
Why does Tumblr think I wanna see all this tasty-looking stuff, when I'm literally staring at 2 kilos of chocolate across the room knowing I can't eat any 'cause itās for the festival?
One more reason to move abroad: homeschooling in Finland is so damn hard, expensive and socially unexpected/alien, that itās practically impossible for an average parent to do.
me: I'm just gonna take a little break from this and read my book for awhile. I've spent hours with this damn project already
280 pages later: umm... ups?
Donāt you just hate making decisions,
When thereās only bad options to pick?
I live in two worlds, always 100% convinced that the one Iām currently in is the āreal oneā and the otherās a mind trick, a dream of sorts, and I have no way of telling when Iām right, if at all.
it is snowing where I am & I need to be elsewhere in a matter of hours
Government: work from home
me: works 10 hours a day
also me: feels intensely unaccomplished
mie: *koittaa myydƤ tarpeettomia vaatteita pois*
tori: Valitse sukupuoli
tori: *ei anna valita kategoriaa/julkasta ilmotusta ilman sukupuolta*
mie:
Some days I will look into the mirror and see a stranger. Or looking back at me might be someone I've been searching desperately on another day, yet now grieve to see. It is not that I'm a stranger to myself, my soul I know, but these expressions, they don't belong on a face I'd read as mine. This form betrays me. These feet can't carry, and this voice can't say.. it frustrates me. And I search. I run these fingertips across it, sometimes enjoying bits of it, sometimes wondering if there's somehow I might mold it to better fit. But the truth is there's nothing much wrong with the body. I might admire it even, were I not trapped in it. But it doesn't feel like it should belong to me, doesn't feel right on me.
People point out the dreadful John/Joan case, (dr. Money did do useful research in his time too, but, ew) and somehow frame it as evidence against trans people. Absurd, since the results are actually proof, that neither sex & biological factors, nor the environment (upbringing, social roles etc.) affect our gender -just the extend to which we're comfortable expressing & discussing it. Poor David was a boy. He didn't turn into a girl, despite the sex reassignment surgeries, and being shoved into the feminine mold by his social surroundings. Which made him extremely uncomfortable. (I won't go into details, the life of the Reimer twins was a tragedy, but do read up, if you're interested.)
I've heard some extreme people claim we're 'making people (think they're) trans', or encouraging children to have surgery. I've never heard this happen, but it exists in these people's minds. I would agree; it's a terrible idea to actively try & change someone's gender experience. We shouldn't be messing with children's healthy genitals. No one should be forced to abide by gender roles. Thing is, that's exactly what the world is currently doing to many trans & intersex (as well as cis) kids. I wish the general public would understand how crucial this is.
how completely average and cisgender of me to write pages on pages about why I deserve to have surgery..
meta lately: hello :) we've made these handy little updates that'll make your life oh so hellishly more difficult for the next few months *force-feeds me confetti with a spoon*