The Prequel Trilogy - Tumblr Posts

I woke up today and chose violence so to piss off the Star Wars dude bros I present you with female characters who could beat up Han Solo:

Would Obliterate Him in Seconds:

1: Any female Jedi

2: Any female Sith

3: Any female Mandalorian

4: Any female Inquisitor

5: Any Force Witch from any coven (Nightsisters, Brendok etc…)

6: Leia

7: Sy Snootles

Would Obliterate Him in Minutes:

1: Aura Sing

2: Cara Dune

3: Fennec Shand

4: Captain Phasma

5: Sugi

Wouldn’t Break a Sweat:

1: Any of Padme’s handmaidens

2: Any female Togruta

3: Jyn Erso

4: Homestly most female Star Wars characters this is just who I could think of off the top of my head.

A Close Fight:

1: Cinta Kaz

2: Paige Tico

3: Eleni Syndulla

4: Hera Syndulla (maybe not beat him in a straight fight, but absolutely outfly him.)

5: Dr. Aphra

6: Maarva Andor

7: Kadara Calrissian

8: Rafa Martez

Let me know about the badass women I missed in the comments, maybe I’ll add them.

(Some may be included in a general category like Asajj Ventress would destroy him, but is included in the Force Witch category. Also feel free to suggest Legends and video game characters, I’m just less familiar with those so I didn’t include characters from them.)

We all must do our part to bully the toxic Star Wars bros, together.

Also let me know if you disagree with the ranking of any of the characters, they aren’t ranked in any order besides general category.

The answer to my poll

Re mispellings: for people who thought I did this on purpose to trick you, you are giving me way too much credit. It wasn’t a trick question I just didn’t check the spellings.

For the people who keep telling me. I’m a pedantic nerd I get the urge to correct spelling, it doesn’t really matter. I did not expect this to blow up I thought like two people would see it. My mistake, I’m aware.

(Some spoilers)

Read till the end for a surprise!

1. Max Rebo-Real-it’s a crying shame people don’t recognize renound jizz wailer Max Rebo, people these days have no culture. RIP Max you would’ve loved Chapelle Roan.

Sy Snootles-Real-The myth, the legend, the icon.

Hondo Ohnaka-Real-Basically Star Wars does Captain Jack Sparrow, one of my favorite characters. (Piping hot take, he’s basically better Han Solo, I am prepared to be dragged through the comments for this opinion.)

Cham Syndulla-Real-people kept saying that they recognized the last name, but not the first of one of the characters. It’s either this one or another character below. He is a rebel Twi’lek who fought in the Clone Wars and later lead the Free Ryloth movement to liberate his home world (Ryloth) from the Empire. He is pretty isolationist and doesn’t like to work with the larger rebellion, which is why he clashes with his daughter Hera who is a rebel pilot, general and leader of Specter Cell.

Biggs Darklighter-Real-A lot of people thought he was a parody of Luke Skywalker, which is hilarious, but he is real, he was Luke’s best friend from Tatooine. And was in some cut New Hope Scenes. He joined the Imperial Academy, then defected to the rebellion. Where he as killed at the battle of Yavin. Most importantly he has a glorious mustache.

We’ll come back to Tula Bonobo who many of you correctly pointed out was the fake.

Owen Lars-Real-Has the distinct honor of having the most boring name in Star Wars; He is Luke’s Uncle who raises him when dear old dad goes a little murdery. Sadly dies by way of being related to a fantasy protagonist on their heroes journey. A fate for 9/10 fictional uncles.

Garazeb “Zeb” Orrelios-Real-Ah a Tumblr favorite, Zeb is one of the last surviving Lasat after the Empire massacred his planet. He is a member of Spector Cell. He of course (and this is 100% canon cause I said so) flies off into the sunset with his husband Kallus at the end of the Rebels T.V. Show.

Elan Sleezbagano-Real- yes, he’s actually real. He tries to sell drugs to Obi-Wan Kenobi, that is all.

Qui-Gon Jinn-Real-Obi-Wan’s hippie Jedi master a real go with the force kinda guy. Get’s shish kebabed in Phantom Menace by Darth Maul. Kinda responsible for ruining the galaxy because he found little orphan death machine-Anakin Skywalker. Played by Liam Nissan (fun fact he is so tall they had to spend thousands of dollars raising the sets to accommodate him.) Is also missing his true calling as a hair model.

Zevulon Veers-Real-The only character I spell checked the name on, his father, Maximillion Veers, was an Imperial officer during the battle of Hoth. (The other character people may have recognized the last name, but not the first.) He defected to the rebellion. (Family reunions must have been awkward)

Mace Windu-Real-Got killed by being thrown out a window (cause Star Wars.) One of the most powerful Jedi and the leader of the Jedi Order. Played by Samuel L. Jackson, and has a purple lightsaber, (Bad guys always have red, good guys, blue or green.) But are you going to say no to Sam Jackson? Legend has it that he has “Motherfucker” inscribed on his saber hilt in Aurebesh (the Star Wars language.)

Now we get to as many guessed the fake name Tula Bonobo, a Bonobo is just a real animal that exists. I wasn’t trying to hide this fact. I shuffled through a few first names before landing on Tula. I think it sounds vaguely Star Warsy. And c’mon between Tula and Sleezebagano, which sounds more like the fake?

And now my confession: A wise squid-man once said “it’s a trap” and this indeed was a dirty trick…

Gather around children while I tell you a story. So last year I took an anthropology class, did I have any interest in that subject, no, but I needed the credits. It was difficult, but I liked the professor. And admist the boring reports on pre-historic fossils, I hit gold. I feel it’s high time the internet was re-introduced to this documentary of Liam Niesan narrating about ape sex. The meme potential is limitless. Have fun and use responsibly internet. You’re welcome.

I guess this is a series now. Star Wars guess the fake name part 2 (this time I actually checked the spelling) Also check out the answer to my last poll , if you did it. I have a little surprise. A gift from me to you, if you will.

Ive been laughing for almost an hour at this. Im thinking that OP was right. The entire casting team and production team was in on it too. 🤣🤣

I mean tbh 👀👀

They saw Ewan McGregor and then George Lucas just went and said… 👀👀

✨Let us make him a slut.✨

like it was some Bible verse and thus the Sluttiest and Sassiest Jedi was born.

This is the funnest expression ever pulled in all of starwars history

Structuring a Series: Part III

Structuring a Series Part III: Planning a Series from 1 Book

Welcome back to Part III of Structuring a Series!  If you haven’t read Parts I and II yet, you might want to.  Or at least familiarize yourself with Dan Wells’s 7 Point Plot Structure. (No word on which one is a bigger time commitment.) Ok, so… you want to write a trilogy (or some other type of close-ended series with at least one arc running through the whole thing), BUT you only know what you…

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