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I’m testing something…

I love Star Wars, Star Wars got me through Covid, but even I can admit it’s kinda dumb.

U can watch Star Wars so many times and it doesn’t prepare u for how dumb Star Wars is. For one thing I think we gloss over how kenobi (who has definitely been at the club. Please.) describes the mos eisley cantina as the worst most villainous place ever and then u get inside and it’s a pack of muppets vaping

Saw this under the Anakin Skywalker tag, at first I was confused cause why? But then I saw it was a random ad. But Fan artists do your thing 😏

"We need more complex female characters" you guys can't even handle Chappell Roan, Real Life Woman with Boundaries

You know why I never found this weird, most of the people in my family are short and our heads basically just reach the metal part, so we always took them out anyways.

something that I feel like is missing from fandom nowadays is the idea that you dont have to have a unified, chronologically/tonally consistent interpretation of your favorite work. your fics dont have to fit within the same version of canon, even if theyre all canon-compliant on their own. your headcanons can contradict each other. be a multishipper. write metas that take two totally different interpretations of the same plot point. write a character as a villain and then write them as the hero next time. write a character as a lesbian and then write them as straight next time! engage in hypotheticals and drop them when you get bored! make up the rules as you go!! have fun with it!!!

Shout out to all the Black ppl that can no longer participate directly in the fandom they love because of the stresses of racism 👍🏾 you contain multitudes of value and I'm sorry that the color of your skin and the power of your voice makes people not want to acknowledge that.

I guess this is a series now. Star Wars guess the fake name part 2 (this time I actually checked the spelling) Also check out the answer to my last poll , if you did it. I have a little surprise. A gift from me to you, if you will.

The answer to my poll

Re mispellings: for people who thought I did this on purpose to trick you, you are giving me way too much credit. It wasn’t a trick question I just didn’t check the spellings.

For the people who keep telling me. I’m a pedantic nerd I get the urge to correct spelling, it doesn’t really matter. I did not expect this to blow up I thought like two people would see it. My mistake, I’m aware.

(Some spoilers)

Read till the end for a surprise!

1. Max Rebo-Real-it’s a crying shame people don’t recognize renound jizz wailer Max Rebo, people these days have no culture. RIP Max you would’ve loved Chapelle Roan.

Sy Snootles-Real-The myth, the legend, the icon.

Hondo Ohnaka-Real-Basically Star Wars does Captain Jack Sparrow, one of my favorite characters. (Piping hot take, he’s basically better Han Solo, I am prepared to be dragged through the comments for this opinion.)

Cham Syndulla-Real-people kept saying that they recognized the last name, but not the first of one of the characters. It’s either this one or another character below. He is a rebel Twi’lek who fought in the Clone Wars and later lead the Free Ryloth movement to liberate his home world (Ryloth) from the Empire. He is pretty isolationist and doesn’t like to work with the larger rebellion, which is why he clashes with his daughter Hera who is a rebel pilot, general and leader of Specter Cell.

Biggs Darklighter-Real-A lot of people thought he was a parody of Luke Skywalker, which is hilarious, but he is real, he was Luke’s best friend from Tatooine. And was in some cut New Hope Scenes. He joined the Imperial Academy, then defected to the rebellion. Where he as killed at the battle of Yavin. Most importantly he has a glorious mustache.

We’ll come back to Tula Bonobo who many of you correctly pointed out was the fake.

Owen Lars-Real-Has the distinct honor of having the most boring name in Star Wars; He is Luke’s Uncle who raises him when dear old dad goes a little murdery. Sadly dies by way of being related to a fantasy protagonist on their heroes journey. A fate for 9/10 fictional uncles.

Garazeb “Zeb” Orrelios-Real-Ah a Tumblr favorite, Zeb is one of the last surviving Lasat after the Empire massacred his planet. He is a member of Spector Cell. He of course (and this is 100% canon cause I said so) flies off into the sunset with his husband Kallus at the end of the Rebels T.V. Show.

Elan Sleezbagano-Real- yes, he’s actually real. He tries to sell drugs to Obi-Wan Kenobi, that is all.

Qui-Gon Jinn-Real-Obi-Wan’s hippie Jedi master a real go with the force kinda guy. Get’s shish kebabed in Phantom Menace by Darth Maul. Kinda responsible for ruining the galaxy because he found little orphan death machine-Anakin Skywalker. Played by Liam Nissan (fun fact he is so tall they had to spend thousands of dollars raising the sets to accommodate him.) Is also missing his true calling as a hair model.

Zevulon Veers-Real-The only character I spell checked the name on, his father, Maximillion Veers, was an Imperial officer during the battle of Hoth. (The other character people may have recognized the last name, but not the first.) He defected to the rebellion. (Family reunions must have been awkward)

Mace Windu-Real-Got killed by being thrown out a window (cause Star Wars.) One of the most powerful Jedi and the leader of the Jedi Order. Played by Samuel L. Jackson, and has a purple lightsaber, (Bad guys always have red, good guys, blue or green.) But are you going to say no to Sam Jackson? Legend has it that he has “Motherfucker” inscribed on his saber hilt in Aurebesh (the Star Wars language.)

Now we get to as many guessed the fake name Tula Bonobo, a Bonobo is just a real animal that exists. I wasn’t trying to hide this fact. I shuffled through a few first names before landing on Tula. I think it sounds vaguely Star Warsy. And c’mon between Tula and Sleezebagano, which sounds more like the fake?

And now my confession: A wise squid-man once said “it’s a trap” and this indeed was a dirty trick…

Gather around children while I tell you a story. So last year I took an anthropology class, did I have any interest in that subject, no, but I needed the credits. It was difficult, but I liked the professor. And admist the boring reports on pre-historic fossils, I hit gold. I feel it’s high time the internet was re-introduced to this documentary of Liam Niesan narrating about ape sex. The meme potential is limitless. Have fun and use responsibly internet. You’re welcome.

dude youre making this vivisection really difficult can you just like stay still

i think about ahsoka's "she was my friend" line too many times a day

(commission info // tip jar!)

I woke up today and chose violence so to piss off the Star Wars dude bros I present you with female characters who could beat up Han Solo:

Would Obliterate Him in Seconds:

1: Any female Jedi

2: Any female Sith

3: Any female Mandalorian

4: Any female Inquisitor

5: Any Force Witch from any coven (Nightsisters, Brendok etc…)

6: Leia

7: Sy Snootles

Would Obliterate Him in Minutes:

1: Aura Sing

2: Cara Dune

3: Fennec Shand

4: Captain Phasma

5: Sugi

Wouldn’t Break a Sweat:

1: Any of Padme’s handmaidens

2: Any female Togruta

3: Jyn Erso

4: Homestly most female Star Wars characters this is just who I could think of off the top of my head.

A Close Fight:

1: Cinta Kaz

2: Paige Tico

3: Eleni Syndulla

4: Hera Syndulla (maybe not beat him in a straight fight, but absolutely outfly him.)

5: Dr. Aphra

6: Maarva Andor

7: Kadara Calrissian

8: Rafa Martez

Let me know about the badass women I missed in the comments, maybe I’ll add them.

(Some may be included in a general category like Asajj Ventress would destroy him, but is included in the Force Witch category. Also feel free to suggest Legends and video game characters, I’m just less familiar with those so I didn’t include characters from them.)

We all must do our part to bully the toxic Star Wars bros, together.

Also let me know if you disagree with the ranking of any of the characters, they aren’t ranked in any order besides general category.

Thank you @bucephaly and everyone who got me to 250 reblogs!

This is insane,I basically just decided to start posting more and now this, thank you all so much (I love reading your absolutely unhinged tags on your reblogs)

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Sem24

The answer to my poll Re mispellings: for people who thought I did this on purpose to trick you, you are giving me way too much credit. I

Woah so my last two truths and a lie Star Wars post kinda blew up (for me anyway) so here it is again except this time it’s canon Star Wars names, try and guess which one is not a real Star Wars character.

You know what’s something I think about a lot, the time when I was in my Early 20th Century Lit class and we were discussing Gatsby and I mixed up Ella and Zelda Fitzgerald. To be fair it was a late class and I was tired. But the professor loves talking shit about former students and I know I’ll be a story she’ll tell future students.

every time i start to feel cringe for being too deep in the hyperfixation i remember the intense depression i have waded through and have to remind myself that enjoyment is fleeting (so grab it with both hands), and life is for loving (so hold that love close), and if anyone thinks i’m cringe they must not be having a very good time (and i hope they can find a good time soon).

I have two new Jewish headcanons. These classic Disney characters are Jewish:

Duchess and her kittens from The Aristocats...

...and Miss Bianca from The Rescuers and The Rescuers Down Under.

I was today years old when I learned that Duchess and Bianca's voice actress Eva Gabor was Jewish. But from now on, I'll imagine that the same is true for the characters. A French Jewish cat – and kittens –and a Hungarian Jewish mouse.

I'd love to read fics showing them sharing Jewish culture and traditions with O'Malley and Bernard, respectively. Whether O'Malley and Bernard would convert or they would have interfaith homes I don't know. (O'Malley I don't see practicing any religion to begin with, but Bernard I can picture having had a Christian upbringing.) But either way, it would be nice to see explored in fanfic.

@ariel-seagull-wings, @themousefromfantasyland

So I get a ton of DC posts on my fyp, and don’t get me wrong I like DC, just not as much as the algorithm thinks I do. I really get flooded with ‘em and the funny thing is sometimes I won’t even realize it’s a DC post until halfway through reading it cause there is no warning or tags. So I’ll just be reading about like a random guy complaining about how high his rent is…so he moved to Gotham. And it’s like a jump scare. Does this just happen to me.

Rey’s jacket at the end of the movie makes me happy because it’s probably the first time someone has ever given her something as a gift…. and in my mind it’ll always be how Space Mum Leia unknowingly gets Rey’s undying loyalty. 

The Eggxorcist

The answer to my poll.

(Truth) The cannibalistic Teddy bears are called Ewoks.

(Lie) Darth Vader’s iconic suit never goes green.

(Truth) Incest in Star Wars, more likely than you think. To make it worse he kisses his TWIN sister. To make it slightly better they do not know they are siblings at the time. George Lucas has said he planned the siblings twist the whole time I think either a) that’s bullshit, or B) George was into some kinky shit.

Thanks for playing ya’ll, it’s been my sadistic pleasure.

Have I heard Rwby was getting hate, no. Have I ever watched a single episode of this show, also no. But did I read that entire thing, I was sat. There is no better feeling than hearing about tea from fandoms you have no stake in. Usually I’m like people like what they like, you should get over stupid arguments about who ships who or whatever is the current fandom drama. But when I have no stake 🪑🍿

You are actually very weird for obsessively hating on RWBY by the way. Dress it up however you feel like you need to but let's be perfectly clear here, you are not normal for making tearing down some basically average and inoffensive at worst animated show your entire life. You are not normal for dedicating a truly unfathomable amount of your time and mental energy to being extremely angry that a pair of fictional women fell in love. You are not normal for harassing the crew & voice actors, speculating about their personal lives or weaponizing the memory of a dead creator against them. Most of all however, you are not normal for still being there for the premier of every single new episode nine entire seasons later and still demanding the show change itself to cater to you despite everything.

Woah so my last two truths and a lie Star Wars post kinda blew up (for me anyway) so here it is again except this time it’s canon Star Wars names, try and guess which one is not a real Star Wars character.