Time Is Weird - Tumblr Posts

My concept of time is lacking. The only reason I know today's date is because it's a friend's birthday. Fun times

Since I was fourteen, I started writing notes to my future self, each one to be opened on my birthday the following year. I read through all of them, except the one for my 20th, since it’s not just yet. Funny how the way I write and talk never seems to change. How I reference the same old things. I don’t remember what I wrote last year, but that’s the point of the whole thing. It’s funny to read notes from my past self talking about things that are no longer part of my life.

In one of the notes, I said something about the tacky old blue watch that I had, and how it was stuck in military time and had an alarm to beep for a solid minute every hour, on the hour. I remember that I figured out how to fix both problems, but the watch’s buckle-thing broke and it wouldn’t stay on my wrist. Then the battery died. Permanently. I still have it around.

References to listening to music until my mp3 player battery was gone forever. Well. That was five years ago, and it is indeed broken now.

Along with the references to things that will always be a part of my life. The Outsiders, Watership Down, Linkin Park, etc.

Time is so strange to me. I don’t remember most of my life, and yet I know it happened because I write things down. And I keep tokens, pieces of things that I know I’ll likely forget. Things that may look insignificant. The watch. The mp3 player. My old, battered, broken headphones. Hospital bracelets. Empty med bottles. Cool rocks I find. Useless, worthless items that mean more to me than I could ever put into words. Fragments of a life I can’t quite recall, but I know that I was there.

It’s weird to think about how much has happened in the last six years. So many events, yet I’m still me. I’m still here. Fighting the same old demons. Reading the same stories. Listening to the same songs. Sure, there are new ones of all of those, but some things never change. I know I can’t change the past, no matter how hard I wish I could. But without my past, without my scars, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

When I was fourteen and first wrote a letter to my future self, I didn’t expect to live to read it. And here I am, a week and a day from being twenty. Still here. Still fighting. That’s all anyone can do, I guess. Honestly, I think part of why I’m still alive is because I’m writing to my future self, therefore forcing myself to wonder about the future in a way that assumes I’m alive then.

Shoot I'm running out of time! I’ve had like four different versions of this saved in my drafts and I never get it posted before the time stamp is no longer relevant so I better get this one out now. 

Also holly poofarts, 2020 starts in less than a month!!! When did I stumble into the mythical FUTURE?? 

This is literally the last month you can reblog this joke

what do you MEAN tomorrow is the 31st and then after tomorrow is NEW YEAR'S DAY?!?!???

I'm bored, it's around 1:45 am (this time has changed a lot since I first started writing this, lol) where I am rn. Let's talk about my questioning OCkin type that I mentioned before [on like August 18th]. I don't know too much more than I did then (though it's been less than a month, soooo yeah). I just realized I never actually explained my quirk/power then, lol.

So, my quirk with this kintype was like a werecreature/animal shifting quirk. I could change into certain animals (canines, felines, and some birds [crows, ravens, birds in that family (is that the right word?)] and I could turn into a werecreature type being. That last part was more prominent (stronger and easier to change into) around full moons [typical for werecreatures in most things, lol]. My werecreature form was more canine like, especially wolf and dog like, though sometimes I was more feline like (idk why it would change, but it did).

When not in either form from my quirk, I looked human-like [I say it this way cause I am not human now and wasn't human then] but I had my ears and tail, which were both a mixture between canine and feline like, my tail was especially canine like and my ears were more of a "half and half" mix, lol. I am unsure if I had wings physically, if I didn't then I had phantom wings, which does seem kinda right cause I'm pretty sure I was trying to see if there was anything that could be made or done to actually give me my wings.

I don't know if it's my actual name from this kintype but I have been using Okami to refer to this kin, so add that to my list of names, lol (I genuinely have a list of 'preferred names')

-Zuki Shay Lupo or Okami! (They/ze) :3c

[Xe and ze are pretty equal for preferred pronouns rn, lol]